Servitude Revisited: The Quiet Burden of a Vow Taken to Heart

                                                                I Stand Tall and Deliver.
 

Servitude Revisited: The Quiet Burden of a Vow Taken to Heart

I have written much over the years about servitude in its many forms, expressions, and contradictions.
Not the servitude of submission to another human, but the kind rooted in a sacred vow. A covenant made silently beneath a full moon, where incense burned and a bell rang across a silent zendo.

“Sentient beings are numberless; I vow to awaken with them.”

That was the first of the Bodhisattva vows I took.
Not symbolically, but seriously.
Not as poetry, but as a path.

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❂ A Life in Service

I’ve since wandered across oceans and deserts, jungles and construction yards—Alaska, Ecuador, Kedah, Kapas. And I have tried, as sincerely as I could, to serve.
To serve the child who asks a question.
To serve the traveler who needs a story.
To serve the dying, the mad, the lonely, the arrogant, the lost.

And above all, to serve myself last.

But there comes a point—and I speak now from that edge—when even a vow must be understood again.
What does it mean to awaken with others?
What if some do not wish to awaken?
What if the greatest help I can offer… is to walk away?

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❂ The Muslim Heart in All of This

As a Muslim, I’ve long held this:

True prayer is not just the five daily salats—but what you do between them.
To serve the creation of Allah with dignity, gentleness, and patience is the real mark of ‘ibadah.
It is the tasbih of the hands, the zikr of the heart, and the sujud of the soul—when no one is watching.

I have swept leaves, pulled weeds, dug graves, carried water, held silence. These were my prayers.

If I am wrong, may Allah forgive me.
But I believe the Lord sees the servant's heart more than their performance.

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❂ Now I Reconsider

And yet… now I am older. Quieter.
There is less fire in my body and more stillness in my bones.

I ask myself:

• Must I walk with everyone I meet?

• Am I betraying my vow if I leave some to walk alone?

• Is compassion also knowing when to let go?

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✧ A Prayer at the Threshold

I serve not only because I vowed to,
but because I want to.
The vow came under a Zen moon,
but my heart bowed always to the One.
I listen because I care.
I set boundaries because I love wisely.
I do not carry every pain anymore.
I carry what I am called to—and no more.

Let this be enough.

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✧ Closing

If you are like me—an empath, a wanderer, a servant of something greater—know this:
The vow remains. But its expression evolves.

You don’t need to awaken everyone.
You only need to walk awake yourself.
To your path. To your Lord. To your heart.

Let the others find their rhythm.
You—just keep your fire lit.

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