Friday, March 20, 2020

Social Distancing? -

As the COV19 pandemic takes its course and tolls around the world, I cannot help but ask myself if I created this mess myself. Yes I have had often enough wished that a global pandemic of one kind or another would wake humanity up from its slumber of ignorance. Now God has pulled the handbrake and all is in lock down, stay home and be happy orders have been given by most governments around the world. Sad and tragic as it is, I feel like it is entirely my fault or those with like minded people as me who has become so sick and tired of the negative state we are in as a specie. I had wished for a miracle as only a miracle can help us to change our course of collective consciousness towards a more positive and loving one, however i found that miracles are a rare commodity at this stage of our human history and so I had silently wished for shit to happen instead and looks like shit is happening.

Careful what you wish for, it is said and it is my bad that I have created Karma to destroy Karma. I have brought upon myself a big time karmic consequence in order that humanity will come to grips with its karmic evolution. In the Hindu calendar of Ages, we are running into the end of the Kali Yuga or sometimes known as the Age of Destruction, or as the Buddhist calls it the Dharma Ending Age or as the Judeo- Christian- Islamic tradition would call it the End of Times, which off course modern day man and especially the skeptics and the scientist would scoff at as bogus, we as a specie are going through rapid changes often beyond our control. Hen ce we say the world is spinning out of control, perhaps it is us who are spinning out of control and just refuse to acknowledge our state of being as a specie. To put it mildly, we are shitting on the very plate we use to eat from as we go about living worse than animals while calling ourselves created in the image of Gods, the civilized ones on this face of the earth. There is a verse in the Quran that says something to the effect that man was created to become the Keeper or Warden of this Planet. Look at us!

If we were to look at ourselves through the Biblical eyes of our Creator, Satan has practically own his bet that man will become self destructive and he will bring mayhem and bloodshed upon himself and the Planet, Then again perhaps this is what being human is all about what with free will and the ability to think and make choices has placed us in such a predicament; we have become more beastly than the Beast. The virus is here to tip the scale of our evolution towards making us realize how fragile we really are and with the hope that this will wake us up from this slumber we have been in sleep walking in a dream that is slowly but surely turning into a nightmare. Shamefully I admit that this is not the legacy that i hand in mind to leave behind me for posterity, to my children and grandchildren if I were to have any.

The Virus in indeed a wake up call for humanity and hopefully it will last long enough and has enough impact to shake our minds into seeing the reality that we have created for ourselves. Then again two World Wars has not done much in the past and it seems we are bound and determined to evoke the Third as our option. Perhaps it is meant to be so, that we will eventually become victims of our own free will, only instead of evolving towards, Harmony, Love and Compassion, we are still led by Greed, Hate and Ignorance. Hence today we have become prisoners of our own making, we are living in a locked down state whereby not allowed to leave our homes for fear of spreading the pandemic even further. We are becoming familiar now with such new terms as 'Social Distancing,' In my country, Malaysia, they are even suggesting calling for a military intervention to carry out Marshal Law just to make sure people do not leave their homes.How distance can that be? 

  


Saturday, March 14, 2020

If it takes a virus to end my life I welcome it.

As the world and humanity in general is being brought to a slow grinding halt by what is getting to be a virus pandemic I am down with a lower back ache! I am positive there is no connection whatsoever as for one thing I have not left the house much and as a matter of fact am enjoying the solitary existence as days goes by. Perhaps the mind knew what was coming and had been preparing for the scenario or it is simply not much fun out there anymore, or it is again part and parcel of ageing. I miss doing things though especially travelling, being on the road and getting into other people's lives and drifting out when the time was ripe. It used to be travelling whether locally or globally was smooth and fun, however now just clearing through an airport is a nightmare and any new face walking through the neighborhood is a threat, a potential drug addict scoping or a human trafficker looking for a potential victim. It is getting to become pretty depressing as my daughter pointed out when we talked about it.

But for one who has live seventy odd years now and still think like a seventeen year old I should not complain for I have seen the worse and the best the life has to offer and survived a few major life threats along the way. I survived a total car wreck of an accident, a few motorcycle mishaps that would have cost me a broken arm or leg at the very least. survived falling from a cascading waterfall from one level to the next that had hardly any water to break my fall head first and could have by right broken my neck, survived being attacked and bitten by a German sheppard that has left a gash two inches from my nuts, survived the Loma Pierta San Francisco Earthquake of 1989, survived the Sarin Gas attack in the Tokyo subway of 1995, survived 10 days of commercial fishing in the Bering Sea off the Pacific North West among other life threatening situations. I had experienced three strokes that wiped me off my feet and two of them while I was driving, I knew back then that I was supposed to have ended my life there and then, but I survived and not too many people knew of my condition then. My worse and most painful experience was when I had my pleurisy or liquid in the lungs attack from a Yoga exercise accident.  I have related this incident that took place in Corte Madeira, Marin County, California, a few times in this Blog and so will skip the details. However this experience shook me up pretty bad and it later changed my life.

I would choose a virus rather than a bullet or a knife in my back, and God I hope i do not leave with a messy diaper wrapped around my groin. However , shit happens and who knows where or how or when but it happens and when it happens I hope to be fully conscious rather than  drugged with tubes sticking out of me left and right out of every orifices of my body. How would I die? A very intriguing question to say the least. Most people fear not death itself but how their death would happen. Would it be in the comfort of your home with our loved ones holding your hands or would you   meet your death falling off stool while trying to fix a bulb, or maybe you are simply infected by a virus just like most, a virus said to have been originated from a place called Wu Han in China. Why not? In all my seventy years I have been into and seen more than I can bargain for in human history, these past seventy years of my life has been filled with all kinds of scenarios and some major changes, the rise and fall of governments, appearance and disappearance of cultures, the radical rise in animal extinction, the radical change in climatic conditions and so forth; I am a part of all these as they are a part of me. 


Tuesday, March 10, 2020

What can I do?- But breath...

" Mother do you think they will try to break my balls...Mother should i run for President, Mother should i trust the government...Mama will they put me in the firing line! Ooh Wah is it just a waste of time.. Mama did it need to be so high?."
Pink Floyd,,,

What happens when have found that you are not truly breathing as you should after all these years you assume you have been breathing through your nose, as they are there for that purpose, but no! Research has found out the nasal breathing of breathing through the nose is what we should be doing and not breathing through the mouth. Off course this is true to a certain degree as it is not all cut and dry, either this way or that, no breathing is as complex as the whole human system is; what makes a human body suck in air and let it out throughout its entire lifetime, not a minute off to be without breathing can be fatal or at the very least you could be looking for the panic button to push, or reach for the drug of your choice to help create a balance again throughout the system through alignment of body, mind and spirit.

Every breath we take is the prime mover of the energy that is flowing throughout the human form, this circulation of energy, or Ki or Chi as commonly known in the East is dependent upon the balanced motion and movement of the air that you suck into the your form and exhale it back out into space after it has made its impact. This is simply put breathing, when done with awareness and as a practice, breathing you will find is the "Master Key,"
towards opening up the windows of consciousness in your daily life through intuition and revelations and visions and all it takes is just breathing in the most comfortable way you have been doing, except making sure that you breath through your nose and not your mouth, (according to research).  One of the simple reasons you don't breath through your mouth is that you will catch a bug in your throat or you will choke from the hot spicy food you just ate, Nothing more terrifying than choking and coughing not being able to breath through both you nose and mouth, this si when your understanding and practice of breathing can save you life even to very point of shutting down from a stroke or heart attack. Mindful of your breathing no matter how desperate circumstances may seem, seek out your breath and breath or let it come into you effortlessly.

For those who have grown into a of adulthood in the era of Pink Floyd and Cat Stevens, Bob Dylan and CCR, well you know the feeling of how words thoughts and ideas become infused with those of others much larger is size, shape and status then you and you had the intuition to follow these dreams and visions into the later years of your life to become today who you are; you thoughts and ideas are never yours they have always been a part of the whole, collective unconscious of which you are but a part of willingly or otherwise of, playing your role as who you think you are.Often loaded with trials and tribulations, vexations and distractions, pleasure and pain, you have survived thus far although still bound by the grief and suffering of the world around you. You ask and keep on asking what can i do to help ease the pain of others and the answer is still the same coming back at you, you are the change, change your perspective, your view of life,your, mental formations, your take of life. Who are you? Are even aware that you have been breathing like a fish out of water, through your mouth? Or are you moved on into the higher level be becoming more aware of how your breathing helps to make every decision that comes to you by eliminating all your thoughts simply by totally to stop breathing. No thought is strong enough to manifest itself while you are not breathing, no all your mind and body actions are arrested and you are put on panic hold and all that you can think about is to suck in the next breath or sail away into the sunset like those gone before you...end of story and out of the game.

Monday, March 09, 2020

You Looked Wonderful Tonight...

 There is a saying that after you have left your home you arrive at the front gate in a full circle called the "Circle of Life,"the journey is but a short moment in time to find out what is out there and what goes on in here at the same moment, the mind and the heart which is the Master and Ruler and which is the servant. There is two kinds of minds basically in Buddhist thoughts especially in the Zen tradition of Japan and they being,Big Mind and small mind.Big Mind thinks- if it thinks at all, of high lofty thoughts of Consciousness and Enlightenment like the Divinity and Deities and Gods, and Buddhas and The Great Father - The great Spirit,  while the small mind is pretty much being sucked into the physical realm of attractions and distractions, trapped pretty much in this realm of what the Buddhist and Hindu call Maya- in Sanskrit- the Realm of Karmic Illusion. Nothing is what it seems and nothing has its whole truth attached to it, all is mental formations, conjured by the human mind through eons of spiritual and emotional and psychological =physical evolution. Only Man can tell that he is going to die to himself. The small mind or commonly known as the 'Monkey Mind,' The mask I wear as who I am while living out my life -span of seventy years and writing down what i have learned for myself  and being able to share in this manner with others, what more can I ask for. But for the Grace of God or the Buddhas, by the  Grace of Lord Shiva or Krishna, but for the Grace of Allah, I could be growing old in Lebanon, or Syria or worse yet Palestine; I thank You my Lord for the saving Grace and Mercy that You have showered upon me in my times of need whether I realize it then or not. I have lived a blessed life and for this I am eternally grateful and what is to come, pleasure or pain I will endure with patience and perseverance, Insha'Allah- God Willing.
I have arrived home at becoming a Born Again Muslim, not that I ever gave it up willingly despite my myriads of transgressions, committed throughout my adult life, I have arrived home. I am standing in the back door of His Kingdom; I stand before the Gate of No Gate. I stand on my knees in His Presence humbled and alone.,,I knelt before myself in Emptiness. I accepted my scroll of life and I proceeded to move on to the next level as prescribed within the scroll. What lies ahead is yet another journey perhaps, perhaps the journey has ended and I am merely asking to be reposted back into this realm of existence as I have a vow to fulfill, and that is to awaken with the rest of humanity before I become a Buddha, or enter the Kingdom of Heaven, or merge myself with the Source of the Universe.

I keep telling myself these things, i might end up believing in them myself!I might forget that I am living in a world of delusions and illusions. Nothing is what it seems and one has to remain fully awake to realize what is and what is not real. 

Stepped outside for a smoke and looking up the moon was like a large eye in the sky right over the Hills.  I did an oil painting of this once and it is hanging on the wall of my nephew's office in KL it was called the Nebula or something. It was like the yellow of an egg surrounded by luminous bluish color and all this encircled by a ring of amber glow against the darkness of the skies. I was looking into the eye, the All Seeing Eye like looking into a tunnel of bluish light into the unknown. I bowed to the Moon and thanked Her for being there for me all through my life. I told Her that She Looked Wonderful Tonight!

Sunday, March 08, 2020

Together we stand.- The Corona -virus

"The Last of the Mohicans", will always be one of my most favorite tune of all time.It took an effort to weven write that first sentence and not to mention weeks of making no entry, debating, procrastinating,, or simply getting the wind of it, simply tired. 

Breath! Catch your breath! Become aware that you are breathing the air...in when you are breathing in...out when you are breathing out. Remind yourself that you are simply breathing, it will return you to yourself, or at least brings you closer who you truly are. The theme song, that brings forth call of the wild, of the struggle to stay alive in order to bring forth your children and theirs; you are the  Last of the Mohicans, when they took your life your whole tribe became extinct; it was genocide. To me the tune played over and over again in my head is very meditative, if not relaxing and brings me back to my contemplative mood; a time to taker a closer  look at what the mind has been up to. Big Mind small mind, enlightened mind- monkey mind, all is mind; I am Not the mind. Mind is my tool of expression in relationship to the rest of the Universe - out there. I treat it with Love and respect will always be in awe in what it can do to me if not fully understood of its workings.

To understand the mind I feel. one has to understand the art of Breathing, the most primordial of all element of one's physical existence. To care or not to care, to feel or not to feel, to trust or not to trust, to belong or not to belong; I am Humanity itself. I am that I am...I vowed to carry out the task of a Bodhisattva and this shall be done in one form or another as time rises. I cannot escape my calling. Breathing in Love...I breath out Compassion, may all sentient beings benefit from this my simple practice. As I meditate to the rythm of the drum and Native acoustics I am settled into a state of a Peaceful Mind ... knowing that this too, shall pass...

I feel that the ongoing coronavirus pandemic has a silver lining in disguise for Mother nature and the Planet itself. It makes people stop and think fo one thing; life is short and impermanent, make full good use of it, squander not what has been awarded you, this human form...awesome yet so fragile, all it takes is a virus, forget bullets. This pandemic has greatly hampered travels from one country to another, this has lowered the pollution  level in the atmosphere, scientists says. Wild animals have a breath of fresh air for their survival as less people would be in the mood to indulge in the menu with exotic animals at least till all this blow over as it too shall pass... The Wu Han virus is a blessing in disguise for man to slow down with their personal agendas and focus on a common enemy that if not contained can will rip the human population apart worse, much worse than climate change would. The enemy has no face, no color, no creed, has no religion nor system to follow, it has only one intention and that is to thrive like a cancer throughout the face of the earth, it has no personal motive whatsoever.

If there is any silver lining behind the pandemic we are facing it would be in the awakening of the Masses of humanity to every corner of the Planet. It is our responsibility as the citizen of this planet to come together and practice unconditional Love nad Compassion towards our fellow man no matter his or her color or of origin. This is an opportunity to take upon ourselves to work collectively as one spirit, as a whole. Through prayers, meditation, chants, through whatever consciousness that we project into the Universe, towards the Divine, or the Source; we are all being tested to look at ourselves more closely and see our own connectivity, our interdependence.
#Last of the Mohicans,#Coronavirus,    

Gloomy! Maybe not, maybe what the doctor ordered for the better health of humanity today. Maybe we all need to go through some form of awakening within each and everyone of us to look at all the options we have and how we fare thus far as far as our very survival goes. Nah! Too bleak to look that far, too early to cry wolf. Will wait till shit hits the fan perhaps then we will consider the need for an immediate collective action.




Sunday, March 01, 2020

The Lunatics are on the grass...Pink.

It is getting harder getting into making these posts as there is so much to say but they seem to matter so little it seems like I m loosing the zest for writing  What more can i talk of that I have not already, all the concerns I have of what humanity as a whole is going through out there and what I am going through in here. I feel like I am lost in a limbo between light an darkness, right and wrong, good and evil, happiness and sadness; my emotional mental state is perturbed. I feel sometimes like I am fighting a loosing battle keeping my mind from running awry with so much compulsive thoughts over matters that i have very little or no control over. I am struggling to maintain a spiritual practice while facing all the issues I allow myself to be exposed to, of the problems that I feel accountable to personally as citizen of this Planet. A part of me says fuck it there is only so much one take or do that would make much difference, just accept with right understanding and let them go as inevitable, such Is, meant to be, as is written in the Good Book; empathize with detachment.

I feel like I am watching an epic movie of my own making that is slowly rolling down to a grinding halt, like the Juggernaut. It is like I am watching seventy years of humanity's evolution towards its grand finale minus the pop corn.Is this yet another indication of the process of one's aging? Is this truly the manifestation of my own making if I were to understand the workings of the human mind, mine at least. If I were to accept with right understanding the teachings of Non-Duality of the Advaitam school like that of Sri Ramana Maharshi and Papaji, of Swami Vivekananda and that of Swami Yogananda, then I am doing a very poor job indeed; there is just too much suffering all around me. Closer to home, yesterday Yoda my kitten was found dead twelve floors down the building and I watched my daughter's tears popping out of her eyes as she sat on the sofa clutching a pillow, I have grown attached to this kitten like she was a a part of the family but I reminded myself of letting go, or having to let go.

"Us, us, us...and them, them them..Black, black, black and Blue, blue blue blur...who knows who is who is who...Down down down and out...it cant't be helped that there's allot to hate about, with with and without, it can't be denied what the fighting is all about..." from the Dark side of the Moon- Pink Floyd. Wanton inhumane if not brutal acts of aggression is spreading like the Coronavirus as India and Grmany sees violence towards the generally Muslim population on the rise. The death toll in Syria and Yemen has become a normalcy in hearts and minds of the global mass we call humanity and what the Jews are doing to the Palestinians is tantamount a barbaric genocide of the specie, need I feed my consciousness with more? Om Shanti, shanti, Om Peace, peace, Shalom, Peace, Asalammualaikum. Peace be with you, we greet one another in our own ways as our faith religions dictates, imagine if we have no religion to remind us this and that we are all brothers and sisters on this planet...is this my own mental projections? Am i responsible for all these suffering the result of my own Greed, Hate and Delusions that I know not of? Are these the manifestations of my own subconscious like some would say? Perhaps collectively it is, it is the collective human consciousness- unconscious that we all are a part and parcel to.

We may not be able to change the world but we can change ourselves as J.Krishnamurti expounded. How do we do this when the vast percentage of humanity lives in absolute blindness and total ignorance? We have gone beyond the principle of survival of the fittest and are in the grips of killing for killing's sake- a life for every bullet we manufacture. How do I remove these thoughts of doom and gloom from my conscious mind? I fear not only for myself but for my children and theirs as the future looks bleak and foreboding. China is said to have landed an unmanned craft on the dark side of the moon and it is considered a triumph for mankind as it is the first of its kind. How can I feel triumphant when China arrests and torture Muslims in their so called re-educational camps of the ethnic minority Muslims just as they did to Tibet? Is there anything that is left in my subconscious that is not as destructive in nature that I can project into this my self created delusion I call my life? Is this why the Hindu sages encourage renunciation or letting go. Detachment from this realm of Maya or illusion. Am I living in an illusion of my own making...where is God in all this? 

"And if the dam breaks loose too soon and if there no room up on the hilll... there's someone in my head and it's not me...and if the band you're in plays a different tune, I'll see on the Dark side of the Moon" Pink. 
#The Dark Side of the Moon,#Pink Floyd, 

Tuesday, February 25, 2020

Just Rambling on...

A Zen Koan from the Blue Cliff Records:-
or in Japanese the Mumonkan.

"A line is cast in the Rapids,
And the Greedy is caught!
As soon as your mouth is open,
Your life is Lost!

I must have posted this Koan a dozen of times over the years since I first came across it while doing my Practice Period at the San Francisco Zen Center at Green Gulch Farm. In my two years at the Gulch, I took it upon myself to thoroughly understand Buddhism. It is a way of life that I was raised by for twelve years of my childhood life before I was converted to Islam at the age of 12. I made it my intention to dive as deep as i possibly could into the different schools from the Hinayana Tradition that I was raised into to the Tantric Buddism of the Tibetan schools. I spent a whole lot of my time in the library at Green Gulch and later at Tassajarra Zen Mountain Center located in the Big Sur in the Carmel Valley area. I was blessed with books and texts that I think is almost impossible to find on the topic of Buddhism. It was like a hungry being freed into a hay field. I got to meet, Dogen and Rinzai while being watched by Bankei and I have met Syun Ryu Suzuki Roshi, I talked to Marpa about Milarepa and I took the Bodhisattva vows on every full moon of the month along with some twenty five other of my Practicing Dharma Brothers led by our Instructor and friend, Paul Disco. I embraced my understanding of the Buddha's way at the highest deepest essence of what The Buddhism of Buddha Shakyamuni  is all about. I might even add that it had help to liberate my soul from a lower level to higher plane of existence; I have come a very long way from becoming a homeless drunk, with very low moral virtue and self esteem or none to speak of, I am now doing not too bad at seventy still ass kicking on the Internet and the spreading of my humble wisdom to be shared by those who happens to stumble upon this Ramblings of the Cheeseburger Buddha.

There is a silence in between every in and out breath and in this moment of silence you can hear the voice in your heart speaking to you. Don't try to listen to it. (instead), Listen to you breath rising and falling and know that when you breath in, you are breathing in and when you breath out you are breathing out... there is nothing more than simply this. All else is Maya, delusions and ignorance most of us is lost in this realm of Maya seeking our way out back home. We keep building our sand castles and the next wave comes along and we are back to square one telling ourselves that these are the nature of impermanence, nothing last for ever and that eternity is where you are at. 

Satchitananda (IASTSaccidānanda) or Sacchidānanda representing "existence, consciousness, and bliss"[1][2] or "truth, consciousness, bliss",[3] is an epithet and description for the subjective experience of the ultimate, unchanging reality in Hinduism called Brahman.[4][5][note 1]
Wikepedia

For me, understanding the theories and practice of Buddhism has brought me closer to this state of Satchitananda. I feel myself being drawn more and more into the practice of meditation, raja and hatha Yoga on a daily basis. It is as though I am manifesting my practice more and more in the physical and mental forms with an awakened consciousness. No big deal really except that I am becoming less distracted and more focused over what or where I am at. I am able to more and more detach myself, letting go what is no more needed and pacifying my rise and fall of emotional vexations, recognizing old persistent habits and so forth.

Existence, Truth or reality is where we are at, meditating on our breath leading on to a heightened state of awareness and consciousness and resulting in Bliss.

Monday, February 24, 2020

The State of my Nation.

Malaysians are still being entertained by the latest political drama unfolding in the government and thus far it don't look too good for anybody. Like most, I am not so into politics, however I do pay some attention when the going gets rough. We have never truly suffered as a nation, like Yemen, or Syria or even Bangladesh. The hardest times we had faced was during the Japanese and British occupation of the country during WW2. So we have a death wish that our country faces some kind of tragedy painful enough much more than the May13 of 1969 incident, painful enough to wake us all up from this living in denial of how bad things are as it is for the people and the country itself. It looks like we don't need a war to bring us down, before we can rise again as a coherent nation as it did in the aftermath of the WW2. But we have forgotten, like the man said,"Melayu mudah lupa," nope not only the Malays, Malaysians easily forgets. 

It is my understanding that the elected officials to serve as the government are like employees behind hired to run a business, to fulfill all responsibilities that their elected positions calls for, in short earn your paycheck. To do what you are assigned to do and to fulfill promises you have made towards your constituencies is all we are asking for, the question are you the elected representatives of the government doing your job or not is paramount than to the future of your political career, Stay focus on your the job at hand and serve your people, otherwise you do not deserve your position and you are swindling the Nation and should reflect on what you should do. This is what i naively understand myself where politics is concern. In the seventy years of my life to date, I voted only in the last four General Elections, before that I never took any interest in politics; my bad.

Most of us had watched "Game of Thrones," for political entertainment we do not need anymore local dramas where our  government is concern. For once I ask the politicians to act what their hearts tells them and not what they think they should do for the sake of the people who has laid their faith and trust into your hands. It is sacrilege to say the least to not carry out your duties to the people who elected you because you are too busy taking care of your future in the party. The people are in need of some assurance, some confidence and not repeated versions of the political dramas that they are being forced to witness in helplessness. The people, the environment the very legal system, the education system; wake up and look at what you have done.

I will not contemplate the worse that can happen, however if we are hankering for a bloodbath of a revolution, racial riots and the rest of the doomsday scenario rest assured it might not be an impossibility; a long military rule is not an option. So pick your choice before the people decides to pick one out for you. My hope is that the old fox still has a card or two up his sleeves to outsmart all these chickens into their proper place.

Sunday, February 23, 2020

Taking the next step into Breathing...

Never hold you breath too long or too short remain constant in rythm of in and out, rise and fall here and there inside and out there...the Breath is the bridge between the two opposite worlds of the Cosmic Symbol of Yin and Yang. Without having to think through like I just did, just know that it all begins, runs and ends with your breath. Breathing is  like the feeling of the Master's Katana slicing through the air and taking your head off without the slightest feeling ...effortlessly. This is the razor's edge that we are walking along if we are awaken enough. To understand the workings of the "Dual thinking Mind,"is like studying yourself, like a neuro-scientist understanding who you are and what and why, has life been this way for you, what is the purpose to all these years of being born into this world of Maya and endure suffering again and again within and without; asking for answers and seeking knowledge is the Nature of the "Way Seeking Mind," the mind that dances around like the Monkey God as He surf the clouds of heaven. This is my way of passing my morning as I listen to Hans Zimmer's, "The Last Samurai," sound tracks on You Tube, I breath in knowing that I am taking a long deep breath and breathing out effortlessly, in and out, in and out...and knowing this too will not last...this too will pass...

Bless the moment, of being and touch with the sound of a powerful music while letting the fingers surf the keys following the dictates  of the mind. Riding every note like on a sailing boat over a calm lake and the to feel the turbulent nature of the human spirit, the Warrior Spirit of the Samurai in facing death. Be in the Presence, in the Here and Now as the great teachers have been urging us to do and breath in and out effortlessly, imagine the final charge of the Warlord and his American partner against the Imperial Kansai army, imagine riding along to the rise and fall of Hans Zimmer  power of the sound of music, to me it has always been mesmerizing as well meditative; I have registered it into my genetic code for future references to the taste of music, including my other favorites like Pink Floyd, Kitaro, Enigma and Willie Nelson...too many to keep count, the orchestra pieces always raise the hair on the back of my head.

I write this post, like an addict who finds nothing better to than to face the computer and communicate with the rest of the world about anything and everything under the sun. Yes and I write to also be a reminder to myself as i take my next step forward that I am only a breath away from the next reality, are you prepared to take the step into the unknown..'The One Step Beyond'. I write this posts of my life like a memoir or a dairy to as a form of practice towards self-discovery, the simple basic question that is my ball of fire thAT i CARRY IN MY GUTS is; Who am I? How do I step out of this circle of life ,death and rebirth once and for all without feeling the guilt of betraying my Bodhisattva Vows that I have taken once upon a time in my adult age at the Zen Buddhist Monastery on a Night of the Full Moon. Yes, I was there then as I am here now I took a vow along with my fellow Zen students of carrying out the Bodhisattva Virtues in the service of humanity So leaving the scene prematurely is not an option, I like the rest of man has to gorge and forge our way through while healing and helping others heal, easing the pains of oneself as well as others, this what it means by to be awaken along with the rest of sentient beings. 

My little girl has grown into a fine lady.

Breath- back to square one,,,

"As opposed to other spiritual practices, 
self - knowledge is the direct means for enlightenment, 
just as fire is the direct means to cooking.
Without self - knowledge enlightenment is impossible."
Verse 2 of the Atma Bodha by Shankara.

"He who knows himself knows his Lord."
The Prophet (SAW) of Allah.

 I am breathing...
Take a deep breath, breath slowly and deeply in and know that you are breathing in, Zen Teacher Thich Naht Hahn, once taught at a ten days Vipassana Retreat at Green Gulch Zen Cente, its Dharma name, The Green Dragon Temple. and when breathig out know that you are breathing out, breath in breath out and that all there is to it, this is Zen; I just realized that this evening. Afters a week or so stopping from making a post on my Blog, I felt free from the need to justify anymore of who I am: I Am who I AM. The discovery I felt upon this matter sank into me and it was like being thrown back to square one, how I have forgotten that I am breathing and breath is all that keeps me here in the form energy that keeps this body alive and functioning up your standard. This energy permeates throughout the whole body , from the tiniest of atomic particles to the major organs, skin and bones and helps to keep a good balance and alignment of the whole physical form.
 A Zen Proverb,
Breath is like a swinging door, 
You breath in, it swings in ,
You breath out.
You stop breathing and you are dead.

The human form is  most sustainable piece and systematic piece of equipment, very versatile, flexible, hard, smooth and soft, this piece of equipment we have evolved into our physical self is about as perfect if not the perfect instrument from every aspect for our survival. We are Lovers and killers, saints and sinners, we are still evolving towards our own self destruction or enlightenment, this physical for of our carries eons of genetic evolution to arrive at this point in space and time  to express itself; I am, That I am. But I am not the body, not this physical form, I am the master of my body, it is my tool of expression. I care for it like I care for my car, my car is an extension of who I am while on the road and seldom fail to ask for Allah's or God's Blessings and protection as you are scared of the car breaking down or anything worse, old habits die hard; fear is the key. Perhaps we fear genuinely of letting go, we like to cling on to and attach ourselves to every single manifestation the happens around and within us through our senses, conscious or unconsciously. 

When lost in a state confusion or uncertainty, stress or lost in a Twilight Zone of the subconscious, take deep breath and know that you are breathing in and let go of the breath out you know you are breathing out, and that's there is all to it, the rest is what we call life or living. This thought is a projection of my mind as I breath in and out making this Blog entry of my present experience of meditation in action. entry is my effort of recording my thoughts and understanding how it functions at all levels and dimensions, albeit physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual level. Science has been making all kinds of discoveries and theories of how thoughts are generated and where do them come from, for example in your lucid dreams. We are more and more getting addicted to thinking and sooner or later we will out-think ourselves by being overloaded with thoughts, ideas and feelings, images and visions and further more we keep feeding ourselves these already collected baggage. We have become the sum total of our conditioned mind.: I am not the mind; I am the Master of my mind.The mind is the creator of my mental formations, projecting my image my personality my emotional and spiritual being; I am not my projected image as I am not the mind, however my mind is my tool just the inner workings of my car's engine functions when the engine starts. The human mind has evolved through the course of endless eons to become free from the very act of thinking; not mindless but not of the mind. Humanity today more then ever has taken a giant leap of faith in trusting the workings of the human mind. The human mind has become the master upon man himself as he gets sucked into every desires and whims, fears and distortions; we become slaves to our own conditioned mind.

Attaining to the state of silence is one sure way of keeping our minds from slipping off into the deep end with thoughts overdose and the one sure way to attain this is through the concentration upon breathing...breathing in...I am breathing in...breathing out ...I am is out...our journey on the physical plane is over when the breathing stops. ...and our journey  into the mental and spiritual realm begins. Most have been preparing themselves of what is to be expected when we die, primarily; heaven or hell? How well have we worked out our Karma in this life or have we accumulated more since the last time we were here, in this each to his or her own as it is between me and my Maker. This is how the mind attaches itself to any given topic and it will create a story to go with; mind is the story teller. Watch your mind in meditation as it rise and falls ever changing one after another, one of the ways of stilling the mind from its incessant chattering is through mindfulness breathing. This is what my Vietnamese Monk Zen Master was pointing out to me during the Vipassana Retreat.


# Vipassana,#Thich Naht Han,#Atma bodha, #Shankara,# Zen   



Monday, February 17, 2020

Get to know your spine up close and personal.

"Tiang Seri" or the main pillar of the house, the Malays calls it, is regarded as the center of the house, In the old atap houses like the one I grew up in, they tie a red cloth and sometimes hangs a coconut for this is where the house spirit or "Semangat Rumah," resides. From this vertical structure all else is built. When doing meditation whatever form one does, albeit Yoga or Zen, the spine is the vertical reference that the rest of the physical body aligns to. The perpendicularity of the spine is erected through the initial deep and somewhat forceful breathing, this helps to align the body upright. The spine when is in an effortless state of vertical position the rest of the body, hangs from it relaxing every tight muscles and allowing energy to flow unobstructed throughout the body. One comes to a point where the body becomes light and almost weightless that it is forgotten; sometimes one even experiences a sense of lightness of being.

The Japanese are very conscious of their posture when they stand of sit and in the old days even when they sleep paying great attention to the spine being in a comfortable erect position. The manners of the Samurai warriors when they sit facing their Lord is the epitome of being in a well balanced and aligned posture. Seldom do you see these warriors sit in a slouch which would be frowned upon by their peers. From this perfect sitting posture the Samurai can spring into action if and when the occasion demands it. Being able to sit for hours without moving a muscle like a stone Buddha was and perhaps still is a mark of accomplishment for the traditional Japanese. To attain this feat one has to constantly practice being comfortable effortlessly and this is done through the art of breathing, aligning the whole boy into one immovable unit.

Practically in all Yoga Postures while doing Hatha Yoga is focused upon Breathing as well as the alignment of the spinal column. Through constant practice of the Asanas or postures the spine is being kept as flexible as possible, this is so that our spinal column does not become stiff and often petrified causing all kinds of  stiffness, aches and pains to the rest of the body. Doing yoga exercises and various other forms of spine related stretching will no doubt help in the prevention of lower back pains and stiff necks. As boring a subject as it may seems, it is beyond words to express how important it is for one to maintain a good upright posture for good alignment of the rest of the body.       

Tuesday, February 11, 2020

Ode to my Father...The Goldsmith.

Thaipusam has just came and went two days ago, I did not make it this year so have no idea what went. Some say a record attendance and grand celebration for the Hindus as they came all over the northern part of the Peninsular of the country. What is Thaipusam? I have tried many times in the past posting this subject, google it. What comes to my mind every time I think of Thaipusam, I think of my father perhaps because he once told me he created the one foot tall solid gold figurine of the Deity, Murugaya that is being charrioted from its home temple to the temple in the foot hills of the Penang Hill, about seven or eight miles away. This Deity is the one in whose name the act of carrying the Kavadi is performed.

Often times I feel I am doing just that my entire life, carrying a load on my back with barbs piercing the skin of my back and with lemons hanging hooked to my chest, I am walking this journey for the past seventy years. This is an act of self mortification as a show of gratitude towards the one who has fulfilled your request and your prayers- the Deity. It has become a religious question  such an in my mind as to the right and wrongs of my father to have created such an image that is worshiped by  thousands who came annually to commemorate this event. I have tried all kinds of justification to persuade myself that even if my father was converted to Islam, perhaps he created this sculpture in solid gold before he was married and
converted to Islam. However  the fact remains and I am the one bearing this cross on my back, my mind has had me by the baLLS FOR A VERY LONG TIME! It is no more. I choose to move on and accept what lies ahead. I am proud to know this fact in my life that my father perhaps shared only with me not to others of my siblings. It is an honor my awareness of the matter added more fuel towards my journey in looking for answers for myself.
My father was also a Golden Glove Champion for the State at one time in his younger days and old black and white photo I once saw of him posing, my father had a fighter's figure. He would point out to me the broken skin under his chin that he carried a reminder. My father's hand crafted jewelries can be found in the Royal house of Terengganu, He crafted all manners of jewelries from diamond studded rings, to chains with diamond studded pendants. I used to observe him at work in the kitchen of our home cursing and swearing in Singhalese,often sitting flat on the concrete floor and working his heart out , perhaps creating the last of its kind, a piece handcrafted in the traditional way of the Sri Lankans.

At the age of fourteen, while doing some stretching in the house my father walked by and uttered, "You must practice Yoga." If anything worthwhile that came out of my father's mouth, this passing advice set my heart on fire, like what is Yoga? So I read and I practice on my own, never had a teacher.  Now after having arrived at about his age when he said this to me, I am beginning to understand Yoga, not Patanjali's nor Iyangar, not Osho's or Mooji's, Nor Sat Guru Jagdev. just my own self developed and evolved set of physical,  mental and spiritual discipline; my father, thanks to him, a door was opened and I stepped in, I entered this wisdom school of the ancients through it back door,  the Science of Yogic Tradition. Off course at fourteen I was not thinking about it all like I am now, I think too much as I get get older; this I learn is the paradox of when you practice a discipline with effort and intention attached to it. I learn the more you make and effort the harder for you to achieve your goal successfully,; I developed a Yoga of seeking to create a balance and true alignment of the body, mind and spirit. A Yoga that can help to keep the energy fire of the kundalini burning continually throughout the body, a Yoga that can help me transcend all forms of ignorance and heal a splintered soul. I found my own form of Yoga and I write about it for those who enjoy reading my Blog.

 My father saved myself from taking my own life and this happened sometime in spring 1979 while I was living and going to college in Green Bay, Wisconsin. I was in the kitchen with a Whiskey bottle in my hand and a kitchen knife in the other, the house belonged to my close friend, Fran Wilson, and he was going through a divorce and let me use the house upon my return from my long trip driving to the South West States of New Mexico, Arizona and Colorado, living out of a 1965, Chevy Impala a gift from my girlfriend then at the price of two dollars for paper works purposes. As I set on the footsteps of Fran's house, it was the first time I looked at the car, sadly in a battered state. I had learned upon return too that my ex-wife was moving to Germany with my son and the chances of my seeing him would be nil. I had no money and no where to stay, my future was bleak; I decided to end it all there and then.

Out of desperation I gave myself in to one last call for help, time to reach out for someone I can listen to and trust. I called my eldest brother in Malaysia for the first time in seven years since I left the country and the phone rang! A girl answered and told me that my eldest was not home and I swore, "Shit!" under my breath into the phone and this Malay girl, brother's house maid, said, "What's the matter with you? Why can't you talk to your father, he is here?" When my father came on the line he sounded like he was in Fran's living room with me, talking. I told him my sob stories and how it had led to that point where I was loosing it. All he did was laugh and while laughing he said. " What's all this fuss la! It's my karma and it's your karma, and it is your son's, I live my Karma, you do yours and he will do his. do your best, go on la!" In the tone and manner spoke his broken half English and half Malay with a touch of sincerity cloaked in humor, my father reached out to me with such gentleness that I drove myself to the University and threw myself at the mercy of two Rich Thai cousins, foreign students in whose apartment I crashed.

As i leaned against the wall facing the living room I watched all my aches and pains, my pain body, a few feet away from me. Like it stepped of of my body and just being painful an suffering out there. I was just watching and I felt very light,and weightless and I fell asleep on the living room floor of my Thai friends, my journey to the South West States of New Mexico, Arizona, and Colorado came to end and next was to send in my assignments. to the various faculty members, the journey to the South West was a course assignment through the University without Walls, program of the Univ. Wis. Madison and I was chosen as one of the pioneer participants as they accepted my proposal. 

Yes Pops, I know we never really sit and talk but when we did it was worth all while in the world. My first move after I have rested was to write to my father and so I sat at a Pamperin Park, bench located in Duck Creek and wrote to my father. I showed it to my friend Mrs. Cheryl Clark, a secretary at the International Students Office and she asked to make a copy of it as she like it and later my letter was  floating around campus offices; I don't think my father ever got the letter himself. I received the news that my father passed away while I living in San Francisco, it was ten days after he was gone that I got the news. I read it while sitting in a restaurant and as I finished reading I accidentally spilled a cup of coffee all over the table my sketch book and myself. I still have the letter stuck to my coffee stained sketchbook page. 

Good Bye Dad, I Love You!












Off my Scrap book....fleeting memories.









Some sketches from my San Francisco Journal.

Every Breath you take, every move you make...I'll be watching you...






Country Roads...take me home...

A silent mind listens what a mind of confusion with itself fails to. When in doubt, when the moody blues hits you and you feel lonely, listen to Hans Zimmer's  Theme from "Interstellar." Sit and watch the energy rise and fall and watch how the mind is running in ten different directions being pulled into incessant thinking; watch with and empty if not silent mind. Watch the how the mind plays like the dance of Shiva. Remember to breath, long, deep and gradually slowly till, your spine snaps, locked in one section at a time, become conscious of the spine straightening upwards with every in and out of the breathing. Listen to Interstellar and watch how the mind is being distracted by thoughts...this is how I sit when the energies is being scattered in ten different directions and  manifesting in the form of negative vibes, vexations and distractions that the mind is exposed to every minute and every second of our human existence on this planet; the human mind is beyond comprehension, it cannot itself. 

And I am writing it all down as it is happening, this might lead me to enlightenment, whatever that is, but it will keep from going insane and need to seek out a cave or be on the road again just to retreat from what is potentially become toxic in any situation, yes I have to watch that I am not being kicked off my Dharma position by any entity or karmic delusions from this world of Maya. Time to have a smoke; time out. The Heart is a lone hunter someone once said, I will learn to accept this loneliness as best I can as I have now fully realized that this has been my course of action with regard to what I see, I hear, I touch and I taste and not to forget I smell, at this moment space in time; it is time to renounce and detach. This is my next step to be taken as as shift in my sense of perception of the world out there and  it will be a challenge...become one with Hans Zimmer and ride into the Interstallar.

Are you with me? Are we on the same page? Do you see what I see, feel what I feel? If this is loneliness, then I am really enjoying it no matter the cause for these are the woofs and waifs of the fabric of what we call, Living! And know that this too shall pass...Stand your Dharma position, your platform, your stage and do not be moved, at least I keep reminding myself while I am at it...yes, and this too shall pass.

 So how's the day been Bahari? Hm, not too bad, getting better control of my temper and doing my best to make things happen as smoothly as possible, your average sustainable living. I do what I do when I do and it is done, effortlessly and I am writing my Blog posts, both in English and Bahasa Malaysia or Bahasa Melayu, the Malay, National Language of the country: I am trying as my English is better than my Malay, another good practice actually to watch how my thoughts would differ in expression. Like when I write my Malay version I would be thinking of my fellow Malays, relatives and friends, like how would they take it, my thoughts words and deed, my ways, my style, my persona; what makes me in their eyes. Off course it is of no importance, however, for the sake of sharing, it is necessary to contradict, become more flexible and yielding, detachment comes at a price. 


"A man who justifies, does not convince,
Not even to himself." - Lao Tzu

All I have been doing is trying to justify to myself that my Dharma position in life is okay, not too rigid nor too flexible, at least I see it so, much more improvement from days gone by. I will keep on cultivating this position and perhaps add on more substance as I get older. I have made it my lifelong practice, this journey of self realization as I call it. I am sharing it as I go along day to day reminding myself more so than others that I am who I am, with a whole lot of room for improvement and whole lot of baggage to let go off. 

Thursday, February 06, 2020

Farewell to a very dear Friend- Awi of Awi's Yellow House.


A Very close friend of mine passed away yesterday and he was a few years younger than me in his late sixties. He was a very physically well built and strong and had the same character to go with. He was not well educated and hardly religious being a Muslim but he had his own ways about life. My friend Awi had built chalets along the river in what is known as Pulau Duyong, located in the mouth of the Terenggnu River, in the East Coast. I used to hang out at these chalets with him and a few others where we used to get stoned and do our thing -mostly work on something. Awi as he was known to his friends and enemies alike was charismatic in the Kampung way, aggressive and yet he had great mind when it comes to wheeling and dealing on how to make money. He build the " Awi's Yellow House" as the chalets is known by almost entirely by himself with some help from friends and neighbors when needed. For as long as I had known him Awi was always working in and around his chalets, fixing this or that, seldom see him sitting around doing nothing, he was a workaholic by nature.

Awi, Getting his foot massaged by a professional, Masseuse.
Young and old traveler came from all over the world and some ended up staying for months.
Looking at it one cannot imagine that you are standing about six feet above the river below. This is a work of Art in itself.


It was not easy for one man to keep up with the repairs this was one of my last visits to the Yellow House

The Floor would sometime sink into the river and would have to be raised but with age came the rustic beauty. An Image of tender loving care of a master craftsman in his own right. 

I lost a very dear friend Yesterday Morning, Awi or his real name wan Othman 'The Lanun of Pulau Duyong.'To the children around the Village he was known as 'Aboh" of  Father and often whispered in awe or even fear. Despite his exterior fierceness, he had a good heart when it comes down to it.

The three "Chincang Gang" hanging out in the Yellow House Kitchen.
A Regular visitor to the yellow House from France, If I am not mistaken he was a writer of some sorts. Mr. Boyo I think he was called,

Friday, January 31, 2020

"Look what they've done to my song, Ma!"

The Year 2020 has been ushered in by a few major events happening around the globe which i am reiterating here simply for my own calendar of events worth noting. The Australian Bush Fire   that many consider the fire of the century has caught the attention of humanity around the Globe. This to me is one of the worse environmental catastrophe suffered by a country and especially most saddening is the loss of life in the animal kingdom. With species around the world a ceasing to exist, what had happened in Australia makes me weep in silence. Nature has taken yet another toll after the fire in the Amazon in South America. In this part of the world, the Indonesian fire has somewhat abated for now but in the past it too has wiped out many species of animals, birds and insects. Why is it that it bothers me more than it should as i am pretty much safe where I am, with no fires and lots of water to chill from? It bothers me because i feel the earth being burnt to cinder by man through one form of greed or another and through the lack of care for the rest of the living species that also share this planet. 

Now we have yet another specter looming in the horizon if it has not already struck its venom upon the well being of this planet and that is Climate Change. Through the marvel of modern technological  tolls we are able to see for ourselves the damages destruction that is being unleashed through the result of climate change all around the globe and we are wise to the cause of it and yet we live in denial of the fact that we are the cause and liable.  to the consequences. Scientists around the world are screaming out their concerns and environmentalists are fighting tooth and nail for us to wake up to the reality of what is happening and how our future is in jeopardy and yet on the whole we live day to day like there is no cause for alarm. It is tragic to say the least, that we who live safe from immediate threats of environmental loss and devastation through natural causes of floods and drought, the swarms of locusts and famine, are going on as though all is well. To say that we live in a sick society is an under statement, we live in a society that is bound and determine to destroy itself sooner than later. 

   A new face has arrived to add to our burden of existence in this 21st. century in the form of a pandemic virus that some say is the result of man's own creation aimed at biological warfare. We are fulfilling our own Hollywood prophecy as only Hollywood can produce such a demonic scenario that is at the present moment causing alarm all over the world. Countries are hunkering down to face this new onslaught of the Coronavirus which is becoming a pandemic and declared by the World health Organization as a state of International Health Emergency. In my heart it is sad to say I welcome it and even if it is the cause of my own demise I hope it wipes out as many as it possibly can, man has become its own cancerous virus that threatens the rest of the Planet and it is as good a time as any to cull as many as possible before it is too late. Even as the event has caused for a decrease in travels it is a positive route whereby less is spent on wastage. 

Plastic waste is a human tragedy of the first degree and I ama s guilty as anyone else in this matter as most of the time i go to get my groceries i will come home with five or six plastic bags and wrappers. It seems like there is very little choice. One has just to look at the statistics displayed in the Internet to realize how critical the plastic waste has begun the choke hold on our environment. It is scary, it is like living in an age where horror movies are spawned. Scientists are even saying that we are practically breathing airborne plastic on top of drinking particles of plastic waste that has broken down in the water system. Our seas and lands are heaped with plastic waste that it has become a major waste business to export and import these tons of waste from one country to another, legally or otherwise. The production of plastic diapers should be banned, plastic straws and soft drink plastic rings are a major cause of death in the oceans However man turn his blind eyes on these making believe all is well, that all the waste will end up in the plastic grave yard somewhere. It is a dire situation we are in  and as always we will remain oblivious to the case until shit hits the fan and we find ourselves living on top of a plastic heap.

Perhaps I sound like a boy crying out "Wolf!" and there is no wolf in reality. But in many parts of the world war is a way of life and people especially children are dying of malnutrition and even starvation. Ar we living in the dark ages or are we as we tend to claim living  in a modern day of civilization where all is taken care of?     We are living in denial of our predicaments and there is no two ways about it. Will the day comes when  this planet will see peace and prosperity equally distributed all over the globe where there is none that cries in pain and suffering? By the look of it perhaps never unless we hade Divine intervention or man can really change his consciousness from that of self destruction to that of creative and productive self preservation. I hope and pray that the later would happen my lifetime so as not to die feeling the guilt of not being able to do what should have been done.
#Coronavirus,#Plastic waste,#Environmental disasters,#Locusts.



Monday, January 27, 2020

What is the Imperturbable Mind? _- Bahari San!!?

In absolute silence there is music that floats like a gentle breeze kissing your cheeks, in absolute silence the heart eases from pain by floating along with the energy throughout the physical form. In absolute silence, I find peace and comfort of aligning my body, my mind and my spirit. when all is in alignment and equally balanced the middle way is open; The Way of the Imperturbable Mind. What is an Imperturbable Mind, you ask. Good question and I have been searching for the right answer for a very long time now but it has been eluding me, This was the first Zen Koan given to me by first Zen Master, Junpo Dennis Kelly today an Abbot of a Rinzai Branch of Zen school. I remember him looking at me with a serious look and asked me this question several times. I could not answer him, as we drove into Green Gulch Zen Center in his Black BMW.

What is the imperturbable Mind? I understood the question but had no answer  or to even begin to explain what my state of mind was, like this guy is for real! I said to myself. Junpo Kelly had just been ordained a priest from the Daibosatsu Rinzai Zen Monastery in new York and had decided to open his own Zendo in Corte Maderra, in Marin County, California.  I was there to help himas his mother had requested me to for my sake and for his. I took Rossela Kelly's offer trusting her like my own mother telling me I needed to change for the better before i was sunk too deep into Maya. The lady  saved my life by giving me a chance to make the change by connecting me with her eldest son Dennis Kelly. Both Dennis and I were off to a new beginning in our lives, mine uncertain and unsure while his was well packaged and presented in record time and precision of a true Zen Master, or so I thought. This guy really means business, he wants to become a Roshi one day and he will. On the day when the Zendo at 20 magnolia Blvd. in Corte Madeira was officiated our close relationship came to an abrupt end. 

But back to the question or the Koan thrown at me out of the blue while I was enjoying a scenic drive along the Star Route 1, towards Muir Beach  in a BMW! Like wow! Not too bad for who has nothing to look forward to or to look back from as all bridges had been burned behind me when I left Green Bay, Wisconsin sometime in 1983.  Like okaay! What;s up? Like Imperturbable? Like what's this Dude been smoking? I was stuck with the question carrying it around with me  like a ball of fire in my gut always burning for the answer to this simple question of what is the Imperturbable Mind, In Absolute Silence all is the imperturbable mind however even as you open your mouth to say, eh? You have lost it. For the sake of entertaining myself I will try to share my perception of this question, it is not the answer but just a reflection of what could be and answer, just needs better packaging in delivery, Rinzai Zen Tradition. Words that comes to mind in association with the Koan are words like immovable, transcendental, indestructible, impeccable, the essence of Buddha Mind, all words but  words is not the real taste or experience. To experience this sate of Imperturbability it takes more than just a quick witted mind or one has to be smart, the imperturbable  state of mind consciousness happens when all is in alignment and equanimity; the imperturbable mind rests in this state, the absolute Silence or Utter Bliss. all aches and pains vanished and all mental formations dispersed like clouds leaving only the clear blue vastness of space. Complete detachment from being an I; I, am no more! 

In the Rinzai tradition this kind of long winded answer is considered a still childish mind weak and flip floppy. The essence of Rinzai Zen cold and abrupt bolt of lightning that can shoot a shock of current and jarr the brains into being in  the here and now is the way towards awakening and enlightenment. Short of a mental as well as physical shock therapy to get one to grasp the moment and transcend one's deluded existence. It is more masculine in nature, stoic and rigid with dramatic overtones at times, reminds me often of the Samurai Class of Old Japan. The Japanese Samurai class was perhaps the most tight ass, rigid personality and overbearing;  it was their Warrior Way of Zen where life and death depends upon mastery of the sword. When the sword and the owner becomes as one, the universe stands still in silence, Balm! lightning strikes, or a butterfly flips its wings somewhere and the sword and owner comes to life; this too is meditation in action. This action springs from the imperturbable consciousness that which is before all else came into being.    



I have come home...

As the Planet faces yet another potential disaster in the form of a pandemic flu which is rapidly spreading all over the world  and as locusts in the billions threaten to annihilate human existence in parts of Africa and fire ravaged almost the entire continent of Australia, we have to wake up and wake up fast from our sleep of ignorance. And as more and more believe that we create our own environment and existence through our thought projections, as more and more believe that we are the creators and masters of the Universe, let us put it more into action let us shed what light we can afford to over come the looming darkness that is threatening to engulf us. I do not mean to sound like a doomsayer but I feel deeply that we are at a very critical stage in our cross roads and what how we choose to deal with the universal suffering of the palnet and its inhabitants will count on it. What are we willing to sacrifice? Our time? Our Wisdom? our Basic Human Caring?

I write to remind myself more so than to let out how much I know or how far or near am I? No, I write simply because I enjoy doing it as it has become so much a part of me that my fingers are not fast enough to express my thoughts and feelings. It is perhaps much more meaningful to look away with a sense of detachment, to look with bare attention yet removed from being a aprt of what see or hear around me. Detachment begins with letting go of attachment to the sorrows and grief of others but empathize with open heart of Love and Compassion to make this life more tolerable and less of suffering even in the midst of suffering. This the essence manifestation of the Goddess of Mercy, Kuan Yin; Unconditional Love and Compassion. It is said that The Goddess is the manifestation  or Incarnate or Avatar of the Boddhisatva  Avalokiteshvara - the Bodhisattva of infinite Compassion. The Goddess carries a hundred arms and in each is held the tool of Her trade in dealing with this human realm that we all exist in in the present moment of time and space. This is Servitude!." For so long as there be a voice that cries out in suffering in the ocean of life, I swear to return as a Bodhisattva to serve until all is saved and delivered on to the other shore." The Bodhisattva Vow that binds one to keep returning to serve and help to heal the woes of humanity. By skillful means and by whatever manner I will deliver one soul from out of the sixth hell realm from suffering; this is my covenant with my Lord.

Yes i write to remind myself of all the beautiful stories i have read through out my life written by great writers and scholars and that i too have my story to tell. It does not really matter if it read or not, what matter sis that it is written and written with allot of Love and Compassion, sharing with myself my own virtues that are worth salvaging and habits needed to be rid of. I am always on the house keeping duty like they have at the Zen Centers called Soji in Japanese simply cleaning or house keeping. Sweeping the ground you are cleaning your mind of all imperfections; this is why Japanese gardens are immaculate and aesthetically invigorating. Doing soji every morning at the Zen Center I was blessed to have had the experience, a taste of what the essence of the teachings of the Buddha Shakyamuni. ...this is meditation in action.

It is in that meditative silence that you express yourself as best you could to convey your story and make it worthwhile reading for lack of better things. I have been telling my story for as long as I can remember mostly to myself as so many issues and doubts and questions arose in my mind to figure out why shit happens. I try to put my thoughts and ideas in writing simply because I love to write, always had wanted to become a writer, but I learned that i had always been impatient and struggle to do  more than necessary like overwork myself; I grew attached to writing and I am happy for how much I have written so far in my Blogging. Nonsense most of them but I do share a little of my inner growth through trials and errors just to make it a more meaningful read and not just reading a story with no intention worthwhile sharing. I taught at a college in Sendai, and gave classes to when invited to do so, but I am not good at being an art teacher, again no patience. So I write as I feel what comes to mind and if words of wisdom flows out effortlessly i am blessed and if i keep writing in circles of the same manufactured truth then it is time to detach from writing itself. Time to  move on away from this computer, from this quiet and peaceful apartment and look for suffering elsewhere.

Dumb idea, but holds some truth this need to be detach from this comfort zone of being entertained by Kitaro on the earphones and waiting for words of wisdom to ooze out from the deep recesses of my mind of past life and experiences or spot out a few real funny jokes with sketches in my sketchbook while i am at it. The need to change one's space and familiar environment is a good practice I find if I am to keep growing in mind, body and spirit. To be stuck and stagnant in one lifestyle is nothing wrong, but to be able to venture out of our comfort zone and touch as much of the world and  its humanity is a boon that I have held very dearly throughout my life; the freedom from being anchored to time space and life, like your feet are nailed to the floor. But such Is! 


Arriving at the campsite along the river bank as evening falls...I have come home!