As all good and bad things, bad script, bad moderation, bad presentation, bad projection, bad directing- will come to and end at the end of the day, or End of Days, it is imperative that i cling on to not a thing in this life; clinging on to is another cause of suffering. There is so much doom and gloom stories floating in the rapid lanes and super highways of the Internet coming out of the woodwork making every tragedy a sign of the coming end of life as it is. I am often guilty of this too as it is my minds favorite past time subject matter.. Then there are many who see God and His Son everywhere something out of the ordinary shoots up in the skies, like Angels and white horses flying through the clouds. No doubt if what transpires is a real phenomena witnessed by many, it does warrant a closer look into to make sense out of the empty sky. Thank you for sharing as a man who enjoys unraveling, I appreciate every out of the ordinary events especially if they pertains to religion and culture, I am grateful, it is something for the mind to chew on; like give the dog a bone. It is 5 ;30 am. and I had just made some food for both my sone Karim and I our last Saur having fasted the complete whole Month of Ramadan. What is auspicious about this Month? It is a month long Sesshin in the traditional Zen Buddhist Practice; only it is allot more trying and challenging and billions practice it willingly and most with enthusiasm even those living in the Palestine Gaza Strip. I am not proud of myself complaining how unfortunate i feel in this life or badly I have squandered away my God given rights and talent and being able to sit here writing unloading this garbage of what I deem my life to be, making up stories as I go along claiming to be who I truly am and am beginning to truly believe it as the Truth, I am still lost groping in the dark but am starting to see more clearer the light at the end of the tunnel; as the song goes, "I once was lost, but now I'm found."
I am writing this morning in honor of all my Gurus, Teachers and Mentors who had helped to point the way for me throughout my journey thus far.
The first that comes to mind is my late Eldest Auntie who they called Mak Timah Bidan, the word Bidan means Midwife. She was responsible for bring my Twin Brother and I into this world when she herself had just delivered her own son Zakaria a week earlier. The one thing that I remember most of what had happened during my birth was that she had not expected there to be another one and she had prepared all the materials needed for delivery for only one; I was an unexpected guest to my mother's dismay she told me later in my life; you are an unwanted child and I felt sorry for you. I thought your mother was hemorrhaging until I realized that there was another one in there and you could have drowned in your mother's blood. She was direct in telling me the truth and she spared no pain in telling things as it was, it helped to become more prepared in facing my future having knowledge of my past from the very lady who had delivered me into this world. I loved her more than my own mother to her and to the rest of my family and friends in the village I was a Muslim; I was raised as a Buddhist as far as my Uncle who adopted me at birth was concern.
My Grandfather, I cannot remember his Muslim name after he was converted to Islam marrying my Granmother who was from a district called Deli in Indonesia a cousin to the then Sultan of Medan who was his drinking buddy in those days. My grandfather was a true artist who was a back ground and set designer for a travelling troupe called Bangsawan in the Malay Archipelago. He was initially sent to Malaya to work on the newly built Buddhist Temple, The Mahindrama Buddhist Temple located on Kampar road across from the Penang Methodist Boys School on Air Itam road. It was also the temple I grew up in studying the Buddhist Pali canon under the tutelage of several old time Buddhist Monks from Sri Lanka. I learned much from my Grandfather through being made his lackey like giving him massages and discarding his spittoon can which was often full of blood red spit from his love of chewing beetle nut. My grandfather was Mr. White as he only dressed in white from top to bottom whenever he leaves the house and he had white hair all over his head and face like the KFC old timer. Till the day he died he was working on Paper Mache models of chickens and roosters, rabbits and elephants; I watched and learned.
I am grateful to my childhood seniors and mentors who I looked up to one being Rahim Mak Iteh as he was called and the other Yusof Mawa, both were school teachers and both were into studying of religious philosophy and spiritual practices. Sometimes they get carried away get involved in paranormal activities especially in the effort o get good 'Nombor ekok', or the gambling race numbers. Their stories often cracks up everyone the manner in which they went about seeking the spirits' help in predicting the winning numbers. As I have said before it was from these gentlemen that i got the book, "The Master Key," which I took with me to America when I left Malaysia.
I moved to the East Coast state of Terengganu in 1962 where i continued my secondary education after i was returned to my real parents in order that i may be converted to Islam instead of being raised a Buddhist. However the damage was done five years of Buddhism had seeped into my consciousness and the harassment i got for being an infidel while in school in Penang only got much worse in Terengganu. It was through joining the Malay Martial Art school or Gelangang Silat Seni Gayung that helped to reshape my self confidence and I faced my tormentors and bullies with becoming a good fighter and was taken under the wings of a few adult mentors like Pak Abu Johan, who was head of the Religious Department for the State at the time while also held several government positions before such as The district Officer for Kuala Brang, and Tengku Azmel who was much younger and was the nephew to the First Prime Minister of Malaya, Dato'Ariffin Zakaria was adviser to the Sultan of Terenggnu before he passed away. I was blessed in more than one way being in the presence of these gentle men always catching this and that from their interpersonal conversations; I was sixteen-seventeen. In my past postings I have gone into more details of these gentlemen and the impact they had on my life and so I will not dwell any deeper here even if the devil is in the details.
At the University of Wisconsin in Green Bay I was exposed to many great minds who guided me and helped to explore all the potential i had in me as a an art student and a spiritual seeker as i used to look at myself as in those days. Names such as Mr. William Prevetti, Mr Clarry Nelson Cole, Mr. Michael Kazar, Mr. Elmer Havens, and Jack Frisch were my professors and friends who took me under their wings with more care than an average student. It was no doubt that i lived a very hedonistic life while i was in college with no regard for my reputation faith or religion. It was the best and the worse times of my life but I survived Green Bay and Wisconsin and moved on to Alaska.
I did not find much in terms of guidance and words of wisdom from the commercial fishermen in the Bering sea off Anchorage in Alaska where I lived for two years as most were either locals who were mainly Aleut whose life style does not involve being too friendly with those who came to fish in their waters. I was coached a little by my boss skipper of the Iceland the fishing vessel hat I fished with for just ten days, fishing for Halibut; I was not made to be a fisherman but in my journal one og the crew members wrote that I was a Fisher of Man.
I met many great teachers while living in San Francisco especially being a practice student at the Zen Buddhist Monastery at green Gulch Farm in Marin County, California. I was fortunate to have met the likes of Tich Naht Hanh, Dennis Junpo Kelly, Paul Disco, Edward Brown, Katagiri Roshi, Blanch Hartman and many others at the Center. I am forever indebted to their teachings and friendship.
Thus on this final day of the Fasting Month of Ramadan i salute them all for having enlightened me despite my incorrigible nature. On looking back i feel much gratefulness for having met and communicated with these individuals; may The AlMighty bless them all.
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