A Border Run, a Missed Passport, and a Conversation with God – 5/3/2009
Left from Terengganu yesterday, headed for the Thai-Malaysian border in Kelantan. The plan was simple: get Karim’s passport stamped at the immigration post, buying him another three months of legality in the eyes of the Malaysian Immigration Department. But like many things lately, what seemed simple turned into yet another headache.
When we reached Pasir Mas, just near the border, Karim realized he had left his passport behind—in Penang.
So, to make a long and aggravating story short, we drove on to Kuala Terengganu, dropped off my sister’s and niece’s car at her home, and booked two bus tickets straight back to Penang. The bus left just two hours after we arrived.
After a long, cramped, and uncomfortable ride through the night, we finally arrived this morning. I called my cousin to come pick us up.
What a pain.
Another round of testing, Ya Allah?
I must admit—my face hasn’t really been rubbed into the dirt just yet. And I know what You’ve got in store for me could be so much more severe. Alhamdulillah. You are the Tester.
And yes, I see it now. I still have much more to be cleansed of—more than even I can recognize. So for every trial and every moment of tribulation You lay in my path, I say: Thank You, Lord. Alhamdulillah.
There’s pain in my chest now where there was none before. I feel less energetic, worn down. And still, I thank You. Perhaps it’s a sign. Perhaps it’s time to wrap up this small performance and prepare for the bigger show. If the curtain falls soon, I am grateful. I have no regrets if You call me home now.
I understand and fully accept my faith in You.
Let this piece of garbage, this scribble of a man’s soul, be my humble testimony to that fact.
If given the choice, I would leave this life anytime.
But you, in your mercy, have given me sixty years of experience—sixty years of walking this winding road filled with laughter, failures, insights, love, mistakes, and moments of grace.
Thank You for every bit of it.
And thank You for being there, especially in those moments when I cried out from the nadir of my being. I’ve felt Your answers—sometimes subtly, sometimes as overwhelming winds that shift everything.
In my younger days, I took these interventions for granted. I chalked it all up to chance. But now, standing in the twilight of my life, I see them for what they truly are—Your guiding hand, invisible but firm. You gave, withheld, opened, and protected. And I, in my folly, often failed to acknowledge it.
Putting my faith entirely in You hasn’t been easy. It’s always easier to find scapegoats—especially one that doesn’t yell back or show a face. But now I realize how near You truly are. Or how far You can seem, depending on my intentions and actions. I pray that You never let me stray so far that You are beyond my reach.
Yes, this may sound like a confession.
In truth, this whole blog—Ramblings of the Cheeseburger Buddha—is one long confession.
A diary. A psychoanalytical catharsis. A trail of thoughts.
Why not?
How else am I to make sense of the nonsensical episodes that make up this life? You alone know how many blunders I’ve made. You alone see how, even now, I stumble. This is my way of keeping track, of facing myself, of holding a mirror to the nafs.
As the nephew of the Prophet (PBUH) once said:
“He who knows himself, knows his Lord.”
But the self is the most elusive thing to grasp.
It slips through your fingers like an eel, especially for someone like me who has gambled with fate all his life. I've lived taking chances, chasing outcomes, often choosing the wrong path just to see where it leads. That has been my way—sometimes out of curiosity, sometimes rebellion, sometimes sheer blindness.
And yet, I'm still here.
Still walking.
Still writing.
#RamblingsOfTheCheeseburgerBuddha #FaithInAdversity #TrialsAndGratitude #SpiritualReflections #BorderRun #MissedPassport #JourneyOfTheSoul #KnowThyself #NafsStruggle #IslamicSpirituality #DiaryOfAFoolAndSeeker #ThankYouYaAllah #EndOfTheRoadMusings
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