Deep Ramblings of the Soul – 19/5/2019
“Suffering is—but none who suffers.
Enlightenment is—but none who attains it.”
I read this a long time ago, and it stuck in my mind like an echo I couldn't unhear. If I’m not mistaken, I came across these lines when I was living in Green Bay, Wisconsin, during one of the most critical periods of my life, working as a student and a part-time security guard. It was a time of deep hardship. I was slipping into alcoholism and drug use, teetering on the edge of giving up completely.
Those words saved me. They offered me just enough light to move forward.
That was when I began seeking. That was when my books became my teachers. Eastern philosophies—particularly Zen Buddhism—called to me more than anything else. I’ve always felt a strong spiritual affinity with the Japanese tradition. And slowly, I started digging deeper—not just into Zen, but into Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism, Sikhism, Islam, and even Christianity.
I became, for lack of a better word, a spiritual seeker.
I made my life into a kind of ongoing experiment. A lab for testing the big questions:
Who am I?
What is the mind?
What is consciousness?
What is energy, and what is its source?
And finally: Who—or what—is asking these questions?
Me.
I am the one asking.
But who is that?
Why am I asking?
I can’t even remember anymore.
And maybe it doesn’t matter.
Suffering is—but none who suffers.
When the “I” dissolves, suffering disappears.
Identifying with the imaginary self—the “I”—is what creates our bondage.
I am what I think.
I am the sum total of my thoughts.
But deeper still…
I am complete and perfect.
I am That.
I am.
I am… no more.
These are not just spiritual fantasies. This is the truth I cling to as I age. Especially now, after what happened the past few days, I’ve had two minor strokes. The first was serious. I nearly blacked out. Nearly slipped away.
I won’t go into all the details. But I write these words to myself now as though they may be among my last. Not because I fear death, but because I want to make sense of the nonsense of my life before I go.
And so I return to this:
“Nirvana is—but none who attains it.”
This is the climax of every soul's journey. To reach enlightenment is to transcend the cycle of birth and death, to be freed from illusion and ignorance. To become one with the Whole, to return to the Source, to merge with the Infinite without a trace.
We call this annihilation of the self. But it is not death. It is awakening. It is the birth of the Buddha within us.
All beings, in all realms, in all directions—past, present, and future—have the potential to awaken in this lifetime. We are all born with a Divine Spark. That primordial essence existed before our parents ever met.
I call it my primordial soul—the flickering of pure light that dwelt in the Womb of the Universe. It was there that the Almighty made a covenant with all souls: that we would know and worship only the One True God.
Al-Haqq. The Owner.
The experiment began when that soul was placed into a body, human or otherwise.
And down we came, into the womb of our mothers, swimming like fish in sacred water.
The moment we were born into this realm, screaming, not laughing the suffering began.
We were taught. Molded. Shaped.
We joined the collective: the family, the tribe, the nation.
And in the process, we forgot.
We forgot the Covenant.
And we created new gods to worship.
Money. Power. Ego. Status. Addiction. Corruption.
But there are still those who remember.
Those whose faith keeps the flame alive—through prayer, fasting, discipline.
Judaism, Christianity, Islam… they all try to keep the covenant intact.
It’s all a matter of faith.
I, too, believe in the One True God.
The Owner and Sustainer of all beings—seen and unseen.
He goes by many names.
In Islam, He is called Allah (SWT).
Subhanallah.
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