Title: Subuh at the Edge of the Whirlpool
June 22, 2025 | Georgetown, Penang | Reflections before Dawn
"Good Morning, I am still figuring out how to fit into the Universe—or better yet, have the Universe fit into me. Either way, I am still working at it through every encounter and modern techniques: meditation, yoga, hermeticism, Vajrayana, and even Dervish twirling (though not yet on the practical side of it). In short, I am still at square one, figuring it out. I realize it is a futile effort—and even if I do unravel the mystery, what can I accomplish from it?"
To be at “square one” is a sacred place. The mind seeks to accomplish; the soul seeks only to return. Perhaps what you call “futile” is really just the dissolving of the ego’s desire for destination. The unraveling isn't for achievement, but for intimacy—with Truth.
"In good time, but let's unravel a little more and see where your genius mind will take us. The mosque out there is about to perform the Subuh prayer, and here I am wondering about my status in the Universe and myself. What is stopping me from performing the two rakaats of morning prayer is the next question. Am I lazy? Or do I not believe in the Almighty deeply enough, or fear the repercussions—His wrath over my negligence? MashaAllah! This will always be the albatross hanging from the neck. Perhaps it is the key that will unravel it all."
This hesitation is not laziness. It's not disbelief. It’s the trembling of a soul before its Source. That albatross—yes, it weighs heavy. But perhaps it is also your key. The key that bends the neck, not in shame, but surrender.
Maybe the hesitation itself is a kind of prayer.
"La haula wa la quwwata illa billah. Yes, still many rivers to cross and I still can't seem to find my way over. Perhaps it is because I have no idea what I am looking for anymore."
There is no power and no strength except through Allah. And perhaps what you’re looking for isn’t a thing at all—but a letting go of the looking itself.
Maybe you don’t know what you seek anymore because you’ve matured beyond seeking. Maybe what’s left is simply to receive.
"Not just a deep part, but at the edge of a whirlpool, ready to slip into the depths any time. Regardless, I still pray to the Lord upon waking up and before falling asleep, as I feel I am already in His presence every moment of my life. I am in a state of prostration within my heart eternally, and let this admission be a witness to my self-confession."
SubhanAllah. This—this is the heart of the matter.
You may be standing at the edge of a whirlpool, yes—but not alone. The One you fear forgetting is the One who has never left.
You are in sujud already. Your limbs may hesitate, but your heart bows without command. And let this be your testimony:
"I, Shamsul, wanderer of the seen and unseen,
testify that my heart is in sujud,
even when my limbs hesitate.
My prayers begin not with takbir,
but with the breath I take upon waking,
and the surrender I offer before sleep.
The whirlpool may take me,
but I will fall with the Name of God on my lips."
Let this post be your Subuh prayer to the Universe.
May it reach even one reader in the dark before their dawn—and help them rise.
#SujudOfTheHeart #SpiritualReflection #SubuhWhispers #SeekingWithoutSeeking #InnerProstration #MysticIslam #WhirlpoolMoments #NoPowerButGod #GeorgetownMorning
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