Post: 27/6/2008 (Refined)
Scorn me not.
Judge me not.
But know me for who I am—
A man on a journey towards his Maker, just like every other human being.
I’ve long hesitated to reveal the nature of this being I call “myself.” Some truths are best left buried, like the dead.
Yet I now feel the need to slowly unveil myself—peel back the layers of delusion—with Right Understanding.
How near or far am I from my Creator?
This question has haunted me most of my life. I know I am a sinner. I even feel sinful for wanting to know the answer.
But honestly, what else matters in this life more than seeking the truth of our True Nature?
What the Buddhists call the Original Buddha Mind.
Who am I?
Why am I part of this thing called humanity, this life?
Did I have a choice—to be here, to be born in this form, this emptiness, this body in space and time?
The Buddha said, “Life is suffering.”
Sickness, poverty, impermanence, and death.
And he would know—he was once the son of a powerful king, and gave it all up—wine, women, family, kingdom—just to seek the Truth.
Sometimes I think I could’ve become a serious Buddhist.
Shave my head, live in a monastery somewhere in southern Thailand. A change of pace. A kind of liberation.
But no, I’d rather not be accused of murtad by those who claim to be closest to Allah.
Besides, two years in Zen practice were already enough to flip my mind upside down.
When in doubt—Sit. ZAZEN.
I arrived early this morning from Kuala Terengganu after attending my brother-in-law’s funeral.
He had passed away while receiving treatment at a cancer care center in Kuala Lumpur.
His body was brought to Terengganu to be laid to rest.
My cousin in Sungai Pinang, Mohd Kalam, woke my daughter at 2:30 a.m. to hand me the phone.
"Syed has passed away," I was told.
At 3:00 a.m., I was alone on the Penang Bridge, en route to Kuala Terengganu.
I filled the Kancil with three-quarters of a tank of fuel and checked the tires at a Shell station along the Jelutong Expressway.
An elderly Chinese man asked me to fill out a form to qualify for a lucky draw. I obliged, half-smiling.
Driving over the Gunung Titiwangsa range, the mountain backbone dividing the coasts, I cried my heart out in the dark, twisting through corners lit only by the car’s headlights.
I owe this little car my life. I drove without thinking whether it would make the journey. But it did.
She’s a faithful companion—efficient, humble, and slow enough to keep me grounded.
And in that drive, emotions surged. Words burst from deep within me. I was talking to my Maker—like I often do.
Usually, I’m the one doing all the talking.
I only hope He listens.
It came after a spiritual high, chanting the Zikrullah like a song.
The dam broke.
I felt His Presence, His Mercy, His Compassion.
Like a Dervish spinning into union, I too touched the Divine.
It touches your soul when you’re most open, most vulnerable.
It awakens your spirit and gives you a glimpse of the Light of Truth.
It snaps you out of despair.
It offers hope—a fighting chance to keep going.
It is the food the soul craves: Faith.
When it was over, and the Kancil still gliding down the road, I was singing—was it Bob Dylan? Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head—
belting it out into the surrounding darkness like nothing had happened.
It was a peaceful cruise downhill toward Jeli, Kelantan.
Man and machine singing the same tune, sharing the same cold morning air.
Yes—I’ve found Faith... in my little car.
We had a man–machine bonding moment.
Ever since that last accident, I hadn’t quite felt the same behind the wheel. Not like in the old days, when I bounced back faster.
I love driving at night.
There’s something in the darkness that invites me inward.
It’s a meditation on the road and the soul.
And the danger keeps you focused, mind and body alert.
Falling asleep is not an option, especially while crossing the central spine of the Malay Peninsula.
Night driving is a meditation,
but with petrol prices the way they are, even spiritual pilgrimages become a luxury.
Still, this journey was justified.
I was on my way to Syed’s funeral.
#SpiritualJourney #Reflections #InnerQuest #NightDrivingMeditation #Zikrullah #SufiSoul #ZenMoments #FaithInMotion #BuddhaMind #SeekTruth #DivinePresence #ManAndMachine #LifeIsSuffering #RoadToAllah #FuneralDrive #MalaysianMountains #EmotionalHealing #OriginalNature #Zazen #LateNightThoughts
No comments:
Post a Comment