And Rambling On...

 " The devil is n the details they say,

A book this size has allot of devils, any one of which will bite you if you don't watch..." - Acknowledgement to the novel, " A Game of Thrones" or 'A Song of Ice and Fire' by George R.R. Martin.

"Daenerys Stormborn, daughter of dragons, bride of dragons, mother of dragons...don't you see me..?" The first of the four novel series  came to an end as Daenerys stood in the flames of her husband, the Great Khal Drogo's funeral pyre and later surviving to step out reborn and untouched accompanied by three baby dragons, as the Dragon Queen. I finished reading the novel a few days ago and after having seen the whole series twice back to back, the does justice to the Movie and the movie does a great deal of justice in manifesting the Book. I cannot tell whether having seen the series and then reading the book was better or vice versa. A Game of Thrones is no doubt in my mind rank alongside Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Harry Potter and such similar genre of fictions today. At my age I am blessed to have been present while all these great fictions becomes alive on the cinema screen and the fact that I love to read is more than a blessing. Now I have to wait for my son Karim to place an order for the next one. The novel was bought for him to read but I don't think it is ever going to happen not during this pandemic at least.

As have been warned I will not go into too much details of how I feel about the story as a whole, too many devils, however I will share a little about the power of reading. Reading like art or a dance, is a powerful mode of meditation as it capture your mind into taking a trip of fantasy or otherwise as your interest might choose. For as long as the story runs and your mind is stuck with it you are focused and your mind is not as scattered as it would normally be as when you are simply drifting. The more absorbed you find yourself immersed in the story the more focused is your mind and then you start to identify with a character or two from the tales and this takes your mind to a whole different level of that of visualizations, or taking on an identity that was created by someone else of someone else. To become lost finally into the story as though it was your own story will finally make you realize what the power of reading can do to you; It triggers your imagination and your power to visualize and promotes your creativity; you become one with the illusion created for your entertainment, you become attach with the story, it becomes a reality for you and when you wake up from this created reality you find yourself drifting with no anchor to latch on to and this is your life, my life. Life is an illusion and we live in a world of Maya, the unreal manifested world a product of the collective mind of collective dreams and visions, of collective fears and sorrows, we exist in the realm of a fabricated consciousness. When they say we exist within a matrix, it is not far from the truth, the only way the human consciousness has been able to evolve is towards a collective whole in body mind and spirit and this may not happen in the most ideal way but it will happen one way or another; mankind will evolve into a single entity, the unity of one, the power of One, the single celled amoeba or we will become God.

If 'the devils were to be found in the details,' a story will have no end, 70 odd years is a drop in the bucket where tales are being kept in the human consciousness. What happened today and yesterday and what will happen or is yet to happen it is all contained in the story and can be just another boring episode or a life altering event, it does not matter, it is still a part of the whole story. The question is how willing are you to dive deep into your bucket and draw out the ancient twisted karma of your evolving existence and air them out to be dissolve into the void once and for all. The only way to remove the devils from your system is to send a virus much more potent that can wipe them out of the system. The details are what holds together the whole story if the story is to be real or truthful, genuine and sincere, so the devils has a role to play in any given tale that is told. This is perhaps why most people loves to hear the details of an event or a story as it is the details that devilish acts are found and makes for amore exciting if not intriguing and captivating read. When you are hooked to a story, you live that narative and the more convincing it is for you the more real it becomes; it becomes your reality.

I would like to remind myself sometime the fact that wehn I say 'you' in my writing I alkso mean me, I am addressing myself, it is a converstation I am having with myself, perhaps my mental self, my mind and I; who am I? Beyond the thinker and the story teller, beyond the writer and the artist, the father and the brother...who am I? My stories are one of my path towards self liberation, towards staying wide awake at every mile of my journey from cradle to my grave, my stories helps me to map out my journey towards self understanding and awareness of who I truly Am in the scheme of things in this realm of my existence.; to see the real from the unreal. to transcend beyond fear and ignorance and to become enlightened from the suffering of my existence and while at the same time leave behind some stories on the details of how I got to be here in this moment in time, of the COVID lock down era, with not much to do but tell my stories as it comes to my mind.

If you are reading this then I am telling you my stories and I hope i can keep you  entertained for while, see if we can swap stories about ourselves. Who we are and where we were or where we want to be, how far or how near are we to where it is we want to be. Most importantly, whoever or wherever we want to be, we need to have a good sense of humor about it. Cannot take it too seriously and inflate your ego along the way, a story has to be told straight from the heart where the 'thinker' is not present. When the thinking mind is present the story telling becomes less potent for lack of better words, you cannot think of a story to tell a story' story telling simply happens and it keeps on happening fo as long as you allow your mind to proceed in doing what it loves to do; telling stories. Who is 'the thinker?' You ask. Call him your shadow, your ego or the other side of the moon, you. that is the thinker. He is the choreographer and the producer, why he is the director of this series, he is who you think you are, He,the thinker is your general manager who is wheeling and dealing for you so as to make life more bearable and eventful than it normally would. But the thinker is of the past as thoughts is of the past, thoughts are memories, experiences, dreams and imagination, thoughts are conditioned by time and the thinker is limited by time; it takes time to think. We all carry him around with us, the thinker and perhaps until we come fully understand the significance of having your shadow as your companion I feel it is best to hang on to it as a back up plan. Just learning how it works is a small step towards self realization.

Embracing both Light and Dark I walk the middle path a path that that is neither extreme nor too leisurely, not too tight nor too loose, at least i tryas best I could and not often succeeding in my efforts. Sometimes in moments like this I take deep breath and exhale and remind myself of who I am and who the thinker is and where we stand while in ur Dharma position before Gods and Man alike. I am not the mid nor am I the body, this the ancient has already worked it out and the question they left you with is to find out for yourself your true divine nature or are you willing to be reborn again as a toad. A bit extreme! I know and this is when I turn my senses to "Ecstatic India A Spiritual Journey" on You Tube. This is where East meets West in the Spiritual/ Techno music to stimulate my mind from the devilishness of drifting into details, a change of course, or perception of stepping out of the groove or the rut. I tell myself often to just,Stop! Keep Silence! Freeze! Whenever i remember I would pull my hand brakes and freeze the motion of my vehicle that I often find was drifting  and getting me nowhere. Followed by a few long deep breaths and I am back on the track that I prefer to be an at this moment in time, being ith you as I make this posting.

For the first time in a long time I stood facing the morning sun like i normally do every morning, for the first time I felt how truly grateful that I have been bathed in solar rays and that my very survival depends on it continuing to be present. I felt grateful that on top of supplying vitamin D to my body I am also being showered deep within my heart with the heat of pure energy, I felt the healing process and am eternally grateful to my source of energy the Shams or the Sun, I was born in August and the sun is my solar extension. It has always been my practice to kep my physical form get soaked in the sunshine at least once a day especially in the morning while doing your Chi Gung or TaiChi, your walking meditation or Yoga stretches, just say stop! STOP! and immediately simply step back and notice what happens, holding on to this state of being motionless in words, thoughts and deed what do you find? I have no vision of how Allah or God would look like and really do not even want to entertain it, but for me the times when I attain to this level of silence in my consciousness and before i start to drift off from this state of almost blissfulness, Allah comes to my mind and I would remind myself by reciting Astarghfirrullah or May the Lord forgive me, I remind myself not to fall into the trappings of my ego or my nafs, I am a Muslim and my faith is in the One and only ONE! Then I am no more, only the Divine Presence manifest itself within and without these moments that words only gets in the way in trying to describe.

  

 

  

Rambling on...

"Sometimes Faith will make you look stupid until it starts to rain!" This morning I received two messages one from my young brother Jerry Sule, the Plunbmer of Green Bay, Wisconsin and the other was from an elder brother who was once the Scout Troop Captain of my secondary school which was the Sultan Sulaiman Secondary, School in Kuala Terengganu. He was and still is a Malay and Malaysian Icon singer from his school days where together with a few friends they formed the first Rock Group in the State and his name is Adnan Othman and chances are if you ask any Malay old timers and new ones alike, who this guy is, they would tell you. Adnan likes to send me 'Doa's or Muslim prayers and this morning for the first time it occurred to me to really pray word for words as it was sent and feel it in my heart and this is how I should send my prayers, where all is covered as should be covered. Yes, Sometimes Faith will make you look stupid until it starts to rain...I do not know who quoted this but it posted on facebook first time look at it this morning. With a little bit of faith you might still be able to move that mountain the stands before you.

Jerry Sule was about sixteen or seventeen when I first hung out at his home down in the basement along with two other brothers John and Joe, their parents and sister lives upstairs. Their dad was a computer salesman selling for IBM and this was in the 70s-early 80s in Green Bay, Wisconsin; the Packers Country. The City of Green Bay are the proud owners of their own ball team and Vincent Lombardi and Bart Starr were the icons that were a part of everyone''s consciousness when football times comes around. Jerry Sule when he was about seventeen took a trip with me driving an old Chevy Impala from Green Bay, all the way south to the Southern tip of New Mexico. It was in winter and we left Green Bay with a trunk full f canned food and a two man tent and the idea was to drive all the way south to New Mexico and   into the Arizona and then cut back into Colorado and back to Green Bay, Wisconsin. And now Jerry in his early fifties with a few grand children. We keep in touch over the years through the Messenger and Face Book and chat over who has done what and where in the politics of the US. Jerry is very into politics and sometime it is hard to keep up with his thoughts and ideas. The recent events following the Presidential Election was a nightmare; Jerry is a diehard Republican and worships Donald Trump and Joey his elder brother is a staunch Democrat; I have to keep myself from getting stuck in the middle when there's chats going on between the brothers.

To wake up one morning and entertain two messages from two different characters in you life from two diverse location of east and west and to react to their postings spontaneously takes some mental juggling. It is if you care to indulge yourself in your relationship to others especially those closest to you, then you have the morning cut out for you. You just logged yourself into your computer and telling your stories while posting this Blog. This is how the mind functions when it has found its routine or habit that is most comfortable and safe it wants to indulge. As happens so often surely but slowly it will start to fall asleep while making this happen. The mind gets tired too, just like me, the mind has its limitations and can be brought to be still in silence through dedicate practice and mastery over the mental issues. Stories are told in order for the mind to keep on rambling and  the effort is to keep the ramble with a positive and creative vibe and output that hopefully will be of benefit to those who share in reading this. As for the writer himself it is a matter of justifying my existence in this realm of the Nirmanakaya of Shakyamuni Buddha, the Historical Buddha,; it is yet another Brick in the Wall...which this too shall pass. #greenay #wisconsin #packerscountry #newmexico #arizona

 

Still rambling...

  The life of Jetsun Milarepa is not unlike that of Miyamoto Musahshi, the historically considered to be the greatest samurai swordsman in all of Japan, Where Milarepa had Marpa for his teacher, Miyamoto had Takuan the priest as his.Miyamoto when in his younger days was a rouge of a swords fighter who was hot headed and had killed many due to his rambunctious character both as a youth and as a swordsman. The name Takezo kun struck terror and disgust among the local villagers as he was considered a killer, out of control, beyond reach, over the edge, kind of kid who lost it. Milarepa on the other hand used black magic to wipe out almost an entire wedding party held by his adopted parents his uncle who rbbed him of all and everything and driven his mother and him out of their home eventually, or something like that and this pissed Milarepa off badly. Revenge was in the form of magic, black magic and Milarepa found and practiced this art and upon mastering it called down death upon those who attended the wedding at his former home by his uncle and his family. It was aid that all hell broke loose and the roof came down upon the entire congregation and for this Milarepa had to found himself trapped in a karmic delusion of the worst kind; guilt.

The detail to Miyamoto Musashi's life story is still one of the most popular and well studied character of a warrior poet and artist who found redemption through selfless act as a master swordsman. Musashi was caught and tide up and hung from a big tree for a few days with no food or water. Came rain or shine Musashi hung there like a rag doll. Thus began the education of Miyamoto Musashi at the hands of Zen Master Takuan Osho. Milarepa was not punished as severely as Musashi was at least not immediately, Milarepa was tortured from the day he was accepted as a disciple of Marpa till the day he attained self liberation. Marpa was unmerciful in his effort to heal Milarepa and liberate his mind from being strangled by a sense guilt. Miyamoto Musashi too was put through similar rigorous spiritual exercizes and mental discipline by the monk Takuan Osho,  For more accurate details, if it interests you to enjoy more of these historical characters you may google it or go on You Tube; what a Miracle!

They are stories I picked up along the way throughout my life, at some point I took a great love and interest in the Japanese culture and history especially in the life of the Samurai warriors and theri code of Bushido and their Zen practice in the art of the Swordsman. I have a very high regard for the form and etiquette displayed by the master samurais especially when in audience facing their Lord. This to me is the most clearly manifested Zen practice while in daily life; Zen or meditation in Action. Even though it was just in movies like the series called "The Blind Swordsman" or The last Samurai, or as depicted in many Kurosawa's movies, the Samurai carry with him an air of deadly elegance. A man determined in his action that acts spontaneously  without any single thought in mind for his life was on line. To strike down an opponent without remorse or regret, nor out of anger or maliciousness, is the way of the Sword. As spoken in the Bhagavad Gita, there is no doing or a doer, there is just spontaneous action and similarly to die from a battle means that there is none who is stricken nor one who fell. The warrior's Way was a very noble path that belongs to the Shakya Clan of the Buddha's time and the Historical Buddha was said to be a great warrior himself when he was still a prince living is his father's palace.  

The Way I speak of is what I perceive as a practice a form of Yoga of the mind and body that a person has adopted to be his Way. His way of expression, of caring of sharing of giving of being in a wrath while existing on this plane of existence which the Buddhist cal the Nirmanakaya of Sahkyamuni Buddha. This is the realm of forms and emptiness coexisting, the realm of maya of illusions and of suffering. The Nirmanakaya is also the doorway towards the freedom from this cycle of Life, Death and Rebirth. It is n this human form that one can easily attain to liberation or the state of complete absorption into peace and tranquility. It is through this human form that one stands a great chance of crossing over onto the shore across from where you are, where life is suffering. The Way I understand is,  'No Way' and every which Way that works for each and everyone of us riding on this same train or sinking in the same boat; we are all looking for the Way! Bottom line iti is all about the Way of Survival, the Way to keep your head or mind above matter and water; it is the Middle Way.

Miyamoto Musashi left a legacy that to this day it has been well read and followed by many across the globe, it is called the Book of Five Rings. This is the book of Way of the Warrior, similar to the Art of War by the Chinese master Sun Tzu, The works manifests Musashi's awakened mind after all the years of his journey in seeking a Way for himself. It is a book of a warrior's strategy in facing the challenges in life of while in the heat of the battle and when off. For a warrior it will always be walking the rope or on thin ice and it is paramount that one be in a constant meditative state to sense the dangers from all around you at once, in a battle there is no room to second guess. I know this from my own experience while I was in the martial arts school and later went on to become an instructor when I was in my teenage years. One of the beauty I found in putting on a performance in public was that martial art was a dance movement that follows the similar rhythm of a dance steps, especially like doing the tango.

Then ego got involved and all discipline and commitment down the hatch and martial arts became just another memory in the cause of my life story. Suffice to say that I hold many fond memories of positive and negative events that happened while I was in my martial arts years. I might have written about this earlier can't remember, too many posts over the years and it has become like a broken down record repeating itself while stuck in a rut and cannot move on. But the man said,"The Show must go on!"   .    

 

   

 

And Rambling on in the meantime...

 " No matter how beautiful a song may be, 

It is only a tune to those who do not understand its meaning."

Jetsun Milarepa was a Tibetan Saint who spent his a good many years of his adult life meditating in the numerous caves in the Himalayas; to me he was a Bodhisattva of the personification of Action and Practice, The Bodhisattva Samantha Bhadra, Bodhisattva Maha Satva. In the pantheon of Boddhitsatvas there are three I could be mistaken, sometimes I feel like there are four in all if one includes the Maetreya Bodhisattva. Anyway, there's Manjushri Bodhisattva and then there is Avalokisteshvara Bhodisatva Lord Manjushri is said to be the personification of the Infinite Wisdom, He who knows it all, He who is impeccable in wisdom. Samathabadra Bodhisattva is the personification of Infinite Love and Compassion, She who offers help to all suffering beings who calls out to her, She of a thousand arms to serve humanity out of Pure Compassion, they call Her The Goddess Kuan Yin in China and Kanon in Japan. Milarepa I believe was an incarnation of The Bhodisatva Samantha Bhadra, He who works His butt off in order to serve humanity, He is the Hatha Yogi, He is the workaholic  who helps through work and discipline of strong Practice Mind of Complete Focus and Discriminating Mind in action.He is the Master Printer, the Master Carpenter, the Master Fisherman,,,or Fisher of Men.

These are nore or less of what  understood of the who and the what of the Bodhisattvas in the Northern Budhhist traditions. I am most assured that I am not even close in my knowledge and understanding on the subject but I did do a whole lot of reading of rare Buddhist text while I was practicing at the Tassajara Zen Mountain Center, located somewhere in the wilderness of the Carmel Valley, Big Sur area of Southern California. This is said to be be the best natural hot springs in the area. At night I would spend hours in the library where I found some rare and beautiful works of the Tibetan Buddhism, I was more than fascinated to say the least I was spiritually ecstatic and I submerged myself into Vajrayana Buddhism and this was where I met Jetsun Milarepa and His Teaher Marpa. For those interested in such stories it is today at your fingertip, just google it or browse You Tube and you will get to know this crazy hermit who is a very influencial and revered character in the Tibetan school of Buddhism.

The Song of Milarepa, The trials and tribulation of a mountain hermit, His was an extraordinary life of suffering. redemption and liberation. My knowledge of this Guru of the Ascetics is no more than what I read or viewed on You Tube, however his life story kept me in captivation ever since I first heard the name Milarepa. Why am I writing about this Tbetan Master at this time and age in my life, why not for lack of better thoughts the mind have in store like if you have to think why not think of something worthy to be shared by another; this is another manifestation of the Social Distancing Syndrome. The human mind will be going through a warp drive sooner than later; we will suffer from too much thinking, some a whole lot more than others as we live through this age of information, age of knowing, age of mental perceptions through forms and symbols that we are being bombarded from every form of media at our disposal, our mind is on the course towards self destruction. It sounds doom and gloom, it does not have to be if we learn how to 'Remove the Thinker', as they say. 

Sometime when I feel overly inundated by my monkey and its incessant thoughts, I remember to pray to my Lord and as a Muslim, I would recite Astasghfirullah hil Azim, forgive me O my Lord, You the Oft Forgiving and Most Merciful...AllahU Akhbar! And soon I am back in my own home, my heart, my soul, my Spirit... thoughts are fleeting dreams that I have accumulated like dust while walking these paths towards Your Majesty. I realize how corny it may sound to some, but it is the truth to me as I realize my own sanity depends on accepting this  as my reality in my spiritual quest. Oh by the way while writing this I am listening of my all time favorites, Pink Floyd, Wish You Were Here in its original. Many stories could be told of this album, the times and places and people who happen to share these Pink Floyd moments, only they would know what it would feel like to listen to lyrics and make the connections in your own life...So Welcome, welcome to  the Machine!!! 

I was watching a video and this young man with long white hair was giving a sermon all dressed up for the show and he was saying things like why God prohibit from the eating of the fruit of knowledge, a question I too have asked in the past. My take on this matter is to look what has happened to us as a specie and where we are headed for; too much information sucks! And as The Pink would say, The Show Must Go On...are you still with me or have we parted ways for more titillating and mischievous thoughts instead? I am rambling just rambling away my thoughts of the past present and future whichever makes it to the screen as the story of my life goes and keeps on going till the next thought rises and takes control of the narrative.  

#jetsunmilarepa #pinkfloyd #tibetanbuddhism #treeofknowledge #wishyouwerehere #socialdistancingsyndrome

 

Will Malaysia survive COVID19-21?

 As the COVID days drift along and as life gets flipped upside down like turning the earth in your garden for a new growth, I keep a wary look upon how things are faring for those who are trying to stay afloat, to stay alive and not give way to despair; I wish there's things within my power to make a difference for you my loved ones. But miracles are as rare as the rising of the sun in the west or the cats growing horns and God is taking a vacation r so it seems. More and more prayers and words of wisdom are being posted on Face Book to keep the despondent anchored to their sanity and not lose their hopes. Words, mostly empty words plagiarized from ancient texts and long dead philosophers and saints being rehashed to awakened a dying spirit, perhaps it does work on some, but as a whole humanity is becoming disenchanted and the only thing that is keeping the spirits high is the Euro-2021 soccer matches. There aught to be a Soccer God that we can all worship during times like these and yes there already are deities like Cristiano Ronaldo, Mo Salah, the "Egyptian King,' of the Liverpool Team, and a few others. When Ronaldo removed the can of Coke soda from his press conference table it cost the soda company Billions in loss of revenue, now that is what demigods do.

No matter how we look at it, it is not a good prospect for those whose livelihood is self sustained. The small grocery shops, the roadside coffe shops the food stalls and the rest of such similar self operated small businesses are disappearing one by one at least here in my hometown and many of these owners are my friends. Where will it all lead to, it is anybody's guess and rest assured it will not be a positive end. What is happening all over the country is a sense of uncertainty, of no proper understanding or cohesion from which the general public can abide by. The fault sad to say lies in the political state of that the government of today is experiencing. There is practically no sense of leadership in the government and decisions are being made haphazardly without proper deliberation as in the parliament where pros and cons are being debated before a decision is being made. The King has declared a state of emergency for the nation as advice by the prime minister and this thus far has solve nothing if not exacerbates the condition even further. Marshal laws means the parliamentary system is being put on hold and this means there is no check and balances over the decisions being made and the laws being passed, the people are at the mercy of the powers that be. Much can be said on this matter, however suffice to say that saying the wrong things about the state we are in today can land one into unwanted predicament.

The pandemic itself to me is less of a problem than the manner in which the nation is being led to face it and perhaps this is a common factor in most developing countries where the political system s as fragile and and incompetent as ours is. In the meantime the peoples' suffering grows day to day as they run out of their hard earned resources and their future is bleak. No doubt we are all facing a common enemy and there is no sides that can be blamed as the virus knows no caste, color or creed and anyone and everyone is potentially susceptible to be sick. Most, if not all of the population are aware and are taking all the precautions needed to avoid being infected, however the lack of proper leadership and commitment by the authorities and agencies in carrying out mass emergency responses especially in the health and environmental issues throughout the county is much to be desired. The vaccine program that is being instituted is lacks any sense as it is not properly thought out on who is to receive it. I believe the younger and working generation should be given the priority to et vaccinated than the elderly for instance as common sense would dictate that these people are more mobile and come into contact with more people in their daily routine than the elderly. The older people should be made to stay home and avoid unnecessary travel instead of being given priority to receive vaccination over the younger generation.

In this country as in  most like it, the elder of the society cling on to their status at work and most out of fear of loosing their steady income and worry over their uncertain pension funds being available when they retire, are depriving the young of their job as well as experience opportunity. As such most decision made are catered towards self preservation of the older generation while the younger generation will have to wait their turn which might never come in time and most are forced to take on jobs that they were not qualified or trained to do while in colleges and universities. Most end up flipping burgers on the roadside or selling bundle cloths to stay afloat. The young are being marginalized due to the lack of opportunity to take on what they were educated and trained to do whic is reflective of those who occupy the seats in the government or the parliament. If you watch he parliament in session you will notice that ther is hardly a young face among the so called law makers and as such most thoughts and ideas remain archaic and bias towards keeping the status quo of those past their retirement age. Perhaps this is why the vaccination priority caters towards getting the elderly done first. 

     

  

It is not that I hate Hospitals and doctors...

 My legs are swelling! Out of the blue my left leg began swelling  almost a week ago, no pain just swelling. A new perspective to pain and suffering? The physical body giving up in one form or another as part of the wear and tear of the years? Off course it is a sign of an imbalance of of one element or another that is causing this latest phenomena in my physical body on this plane of existence; too much salt consumption most probably, love that soy sauce. I did kept my appointment for my first vaccine which fell on the 14th. and that ended up in a bad way as by the time I made it to the vaccine table they discovered that my blood pressure was way too high and I had to be bed ridden just to bring it down. Instead of getting vaccinated there I was on my back in a room with three beds and a blood pressure kit attached to my arm. This happened after I had to walk half a city block up and down stair and ramps for more than ten minutes and a few rest stops after being dropped off at the wrong entrance to the sports complex where the vaccine venue was being held. At the cost of over forty Malaysian Ringgit for the cost of the Grab to get me there and back I was still unable to get vaccinated, instead I got a letter to take to a physician at the General Hospital for a check up on my condition.    

Yesterday my daughter and I decided to go to the hospital and do my medical check up, to follow up on what I was required to do, however after afew rounds of driving looking for a parking space we had to five up as the car was smoking more than usual. I told my daughter that i did not want to be accused of 'smogging' the hospital area. My car has a major engine problem and by right is way past its retirement date, it is with anxiety and embarrassment that i drive these past few months. On the way home I tried to explain to my daughter how I felt about my general physical condition. I told her that I am fine as far as my high blood pressure and whatever ailments that I am facing as I know how i can control so as not to become critical. However most of the time it is when I am forced to act out of the ordinary and against my will that my ailment reacts and becomes critical. I tried to point out to her the situation we were in, like trying to find a a parking space and the walking all the way to the doctor's office and waiting and then putting up with the insults and accusations by the physicians and more waiting for the medications and why? Just to get myself some pills that would settle my high blood condition to a normal level and that if I am not told that got some new problems like why my legs are swelling. The same with going for my vaccine, if it is up to me I do not want to be vaccinated, I do not have a full confidence in its efficacy or that it would solve the problem, however I am forced to by the powers that be and obligated to my children to do so. 

Some would say I am turning into a stubborn old man, others may look at it as an irresponsible behavior of not taking care of myself or that i hate to go to the doctors. They are all most probably right, but I am not one who takes these matters lightly as it concerns my well being as a whole, for sure I have done a whole lot of discerning over these issues and I do not come to my conclusions lightly. At my age which in two months would be 73 years old, I feel I can tell when and what I need and if given a choice I can fare better without too much pushing one way or another from those who care for my well being; I fully trust in myself to care for myself. One of my criteria in making any form of conclusion is to reflect upon those who have lived their lives before me, like my father and uncles and relatives and friends of ages close to my own today; what were they like when they were in their sixties, seventies or eighties. They all died of one cause or another no doubt and I will too however I feel like I have kept myself well within the comfort zone not suffering any crippling ailment like a massive stroke that would cause a paralysis of some kind, but at 73 anything is possible and this I accept. I cannot fight the inevitable but I can maintain what I have and keep my physical and mental health steady as she goes. 

What is more crucial for me is the fact that I can still be lucid in my thinking process and even productive in sharing my god given talents if and when needed. It is my intention that I keep this ongoing journal of mine which is now in the form of a Blog alive and share whatever it is that is happening in my life to become a reflection for those who stumble upon this Blog. I hope that this Blog will be my legacy to leave behind if not for my own children it would be for others' and that it would touch their lives in some small way that would help them to find their way through the trials and tribulations of life that they face. Especially in these days of the pandemic and global uncertainty, of wars and economic failures, of fears and famine; I hope my boring and tedious Blogging would provide some measure of comfort.  

All it takes is Love...Unconditional Love.

 As the intensity of the COVID19 pandemic fluctuates from one moment to another and general Lock Downs are being imposed throughout the country one begin to see the how affected the population is from lack of sense of direction and uncertainties. The private sectors especially those who carry out small businesses are beginning to feel the dire and critical state of their very survival. Small retailers, grocery shops, coffee shops, small restaurants and roadside stalls, barber and beauty salons, are among the most affected small businesses and most are folding up their operations. The Pandemic is getting to become more serious and the population is beginning to feel the pressure and anxiety materially, psychologically and spiritually. Some calls it a wake up call for humanity as a whole while others are still figuring out who to point their fingers at while others yet are becoming much more richer and powerful through the exploitation of the whole situation mankind is facing.

While humanity faces the threat of a serious pandemic the major so called world leaders are rapping up their agendas in saber rattling and phallic shaking against one another vying for dominance. Headlines like, "Russia fortifies Central Asia military clout before US Afghan exit," or " Indonesia looks to triple submarine fleet after China incursions," or "US flags 'serious concerns' over Cambodia's China-backed navy base." These are among the headlines of the Japanese media Nikkei Asia as advertised on Face Book of late. For every story behind the headline of this nature, if indeed true, one can only imagine how much is being spent by the various parties in the name of their security interest alone and these are just the tip of the ice burg where world hegemony is concern. Some I get the feeling that while humanity is facing its killer virus there is greater concern that lurks behind the scene in the form of annihilation of the planet itself in the making as major world leaders are out to prove who can piss the farthest. As I have often maintained, human lives are in this day and age valued at the price of a bullet or even less as in today's arsenal of war just about every major dogs of war owns a weapon of mass destruction of one kind or another. You and I,we are just pawns in the game of non existent thrones, a game where there will not be a winner and losers takes all. 

Bleak as it may seem, we have to live life as it is our destiny to be born in this day and age, to become witnesses to the follies of our own making and to make the best of whatever is salvageable of this planet we call home so our children and theirs will inherit something worthwhile to live for. There is not sure way solution at least anymore as most of humanity are locked down in one form of pandemic or another albeit viruses or economic, religious or technological, yes everything has taken the form of a pandemic in our age. If there be a cure out of this our predicament it would be a miracle or great proportion manifested out of our simplest nature, a nature inherent in all of us and that is, Unconditional Love. Yes, it sounds naive and archaic to the contemporary ears as the word Love itself like most words of its nature are today becoming rare and if used is mostly in its distorted forms. Love, Compassion, Care, Empathy and so forth are words rarely in circulation these days in any given language on the planet except in the language of the indigenous people scattered here and there in their native country. We as a human specie have forgotten our inherent nature of being the caretaker of this planet we call home and we have morphed into a very self centered, self serving and egocentric entity not unlike a cancerous virus out for self destruction.

It is a futile effort to be screaming at the mountain day in day out without doing damage to oneself and accomplishing nothing but try one must no matter how futile the effort, if only one soul listens and decides to take on the action of spreading positive vibes and constructive resonance in and about their community, it is worth the effort. It is like swimming up the river, against the current and keeping one's nose above water lest we drown, but swim we must for the fate of the river itself lay in our hands. The awareness that needs to be raised throughout the land is a must for as many to be awaken as possible in order to make a difference in forging our future and that of the planet and it takes hard work especially of the 'inner engineering," as Sat Guru, the self proclaimed Hindu Mystique would call it. Humanity is drifting and we are so far removed from our spiritual or as the Buddhist call it Dharma Position that we have become adrift in the ocean of Samsara or suffering with no anchor nor any rudder to guide us by. Blinded by science and technology, intellect and politics, we have practically lost our original humane nature of Love, Compassion and Devotion; we are governed by our Greed,, Hate and Ignorance; we call it the will to survive.

"We have been infected with this idea that love is an emotion only felt between two people. But love is universal. an energy, a contagious force, a gift. To save a worm from the hot sun is to love, to smile at a stranger is to love. To be grateful, to be, to be hopeful, to be brave, to be forgiving, to be proud, is to Love." - A.R. Lucas.

#unconditionallove, #arlucas,#nikkeiasia,#innerengineering

 

 

"I said that it would be so and it be so!

 " You did not come here to be the vibrational version.

You came here to be the manifested versions.

You came to enjoy your life, You came to feel the progress,.

"To be the Realizer, The Liver, The Seer, The Hearer, The Smeller, The Toucher..."

Abraham Hicks - The Laws of Attraction.

I stumbled upon the video, GET READY, Things will Happen as Soon as Today.upon waking up from my nap which as usual followed by a short sitting meditation before stepping off my bed. I was not feeling positive and as a matter of fact was regressing into a sense of despair and giving up. Feeling that I am not getting anywhere with myself in my practice and so forth. In short I was in a "Fuck it!" and " The hell with it. It ain't happening and I am just kidding myself." Then I sat at the computer and browsed You Tube and saw what looked like an interesting video with David Icke entitled, "It's Beginning t Happen Everywhere." My mind told me that I have not seen too many David Icke videos lately and this looked a good place to start. The video with david was ok but the following above video with Abraham Hicks caught my attention and I played it over three times. Talk about being in the same vibration frequency, the message carried through like an echo from the distant past when I read the same message somewhere forgotten and now it has resurfaced at this moment in time to pick me back up and perhaps deliver me from this sense of hopelessness and despair.

No I do not have to make up stories not anymore, it happens and when it does I try to share it as it is. The Laws of Attraction, The Laws of Abundance and the rest of it is not something new to me as I have been exposed in the past to these principles from one source or another. The Laws of Attraction perhaps has come into manifestation for meat this moment as a reminder of what it is that I am on the journey to find out and perhaps a reminder not to give up before its frution for i have come a very long way in my adult life having gone through numerous varieties of experiences positive and negative; I just needed the little push or lift from yet another dimension of my subconscious; a forgotten principle still at work within me. Yes, I strongly believe in the fact that whatever the mind has conceived in the past to be true it will manifest itself into the future when the time is ripe and there is a need for it to be made apparent. 

"Believes are just thoughts you keep thinking,. They don't have any basis in reality other than that you are creating reality from the believes that you hold..."

Perhaps my being impatient is the cause of my regression into giving up my practice or perhaps my expectation of something to happen out of the ordinary to deliver me from this mundane routine of the COVID pandemic existence of in-house arrest. However i did feel the uselessness and the sense of hopelessness the past few days and then again perhaps it has to do with my decision to give up cigarette smoking, well at least for now. I mention this only to remind myself that sometimes things happen for obvious reasons that we tend to overlook like giving up smoking can lead  to depression. The is a part of the equation that i just now realized as to why i felt a sense of regression and despair hitting me. A major aspect of meditation practice is enhance awareness of one's daily routine and habits, like everything is blown out larger than it really is. Episodes and events, simple matters and ordinary stuff becomes more exaggerated made to seem more relevant that they really are. Another aspect of meditative practice that is often overlooked is the fact that negative events and phenomena holds a more dominant grip upon the consciousness than positive ones.

I realize too that one of my problems having these regressions is the fact that i easily forget who I am. I often woke up with aches and pains perhaps synonymous with old age and this immediately transform into a negative mental condition. Hence why i like to sit in meditation for a while before i make my move off the bed. This shoet period of sitting would help to unwind the night's tangles from my consciousness. By proper breathing and which leads to the realignment of the physical body I would often dispel most of the nagging aches and pains in my joints and especially in the center of my chest. I would usually continue with some stretching movements after i have felt the settling down f my entire body and this helps to renew and rejuvenate myself loosening up most of my knotted muscles the result of sleep. All in all the key to waking up with a positive state of mind is to focus on one's breathing which will release most of the tied up, knotted and tangled muscles in the entire body thus allowing for a free uninterrupted flow of the energy or Chi throughout the body.    

" I said that would be so, and it be so." 

"Kun faya Kun."

#abrahamhicks, #lawsofattraction.

A Message to the young ones.

 It has been almost a week now that my cousin sister and I called her Piah, has passed away, she was one of those relatives that I am very close to and will miss her presence even though we see each other every once in a while due to circumstances. I was at her funeral and threw some earth into her grave as a gesture of my farewell at the end of her burial proceedings. She had succumbed to her abdominal cancer which was ironic for one who loves to cook and enjoys eating. What came to my mind while at the funeral was how my nieces and nephews has an attitude problem when it comes to respecting their elders. I am not talking about her children but in genral as I have many of my own and many with their own children. I have been keeping this observation not wanting to make it an issue myself but as it is my intention to untangle the tangles in my own personal life, it is imperative that I take on this issue once and for all. My brothers and sisters all have their own children, my nephews and nieces and some of the have their own children making these my grandchildren. As I get older I began to notice how distanced these children are from me as though I do not exist, much less to be concerned with.

 Not a call nor a message on face book or any form of communication whatsoever over the year so much so that if we were to pass each other on the road we would not know who or how we are related to one another. I am not expecting any warm and cordial attention from them just a simple hello now and then would suffice. Perhaps the elders today have much to be blamed for the manner in which the younger generation has little or no respect for them or their status in life. Perhaps it is the shades of what is to come where the family unit in concern; call it family distancing.

For myself having been living in the same house with my two adult children I have come to realize that Love alone does not cover the whole spectrum of bringing up your kids, the love has to be accompanied by respect and appreciation. Recognizing their abilities and accomplishments their success and failures and serving them needs without having to be asked is crucial in creating a strong bond in the parent child relationship. Not imposing my own will, albeit religious or spiritual thoughts and ideals, is also a part of the process and most of all getting to know and understand who they are or having grown into and encouraging them in every step forward they take is a very important awareness to not take it for granted. When dealing with my children as they become adults I assume them to be treated more as my trusted friends than my kids. If they cop an attitude then i learn what it is that is not going right or I would simply retreat into my cave usually meditating or reading my novels and if they are successful in any small ways I let them know that I am aware and am proud of their accomplishment. If they insist that I should watch Liverpool play at 3am. I make an effort to enjoy the game or watch Game of Thrones for the second round for that matter.  Their opinions matters more than my own on things that pertain to daily living like keeping medical appointments and grocery shopping. I am beginning to feel like I am entering a phase of playing a reverse role in our relationship; the father becomes the child. I never claim to be a good father but I do my best to make amends where amends are needed and carry my responsibility with sincere determination as a father

There is no sure fired way to deal with your children especially when they have become full flesh adults themselves and circumstances has made it such that you are not able to leave them and be on your own like you used to. However i have a strong believe in teaching by example I do what I feel is right by me and if by chance they like it good if not well you go your way I mine and thus there is no coerce or forcefulness in getting across my message to them. One of the reasons why I keep making my postings in this Blog, right or wrong it is up for debate and nothing is etched in stone. The crux of the matter is to share my thoughts and actions as best i can before I make my final entry in this Blog of life itself; start a new Blog in the afterlife.

 

  

How Many Moments are there in a Day?

  Living in this world of make believe it is hard to convince myself that most of the illusory manifestations that pops up within and without myself, are intrinsically not real and how much harder it is to convince others.  What is real and what is not kinda overlaps and sometimes  one gets lost in them and forgets what the practice is all about when it comes to putting life into perspective. Putting life into perspective, what that even mean? Life happens moment to moment as far as I have been alive and there was never a doubt in my mind that the next will happen one way or another and the last moment will never ever return except as my memory or upon my reflection. A friend once told me that I have no plans for the future in my life, I simply live without any sense of planning my next move except off course for the simple necessities of daily chores and routine survival, like doing the dishes and cooking the dinner. Even then I just had to ask my daughter before I sat at the computer what i should make for dinner tonight; I had no plan of making Kailan, (kinda spinach like veggie) chicken but there it is as she suggested, Kailan chicken it is. My life as I am beginning to discover has no real perspective to it to speak of and never had as it seems events simply happens and I simply respond as best I can moment to moment.

Just finished reading "For The Time Being'', a novel by Ruth Ozeki and at the end of the novel and it's worth quoting here,

"The Zen nun Jiko Yasutani once told me in a dream that you can't understand what it is to be alive on this earth until you understand the time being, you have to understand what a moment is.

In my dream I asked her, What on earth is a moment?

A moment is a very small particle of time. It is so small that one day is made of 6,400,o99,980 moments.

 When I looked up afterward I discovered that this was the exact number cited by Zen Master Dogen in his master work the Shobogenzo, ( the Treasury of the True Dharma Eye)

Numerals resist the eye, so let me spell it out in words: six billion, four hundred million, ninety-nine thousand and eighty. That's how many moments Zen Master Dogen posited are in one day and after rattled off the number old Jiko snapped her fingers. Her fingers were crazily bent and twisted with arthritis, so she was not very good at snapping, but she somehow got the point across.

Please try it, she said. Did you snap? Because if you did that snaps equals sixty-five moments.

The granularity of the Zen view of time becomes clear if you do the math or you can just take Jiko's word for it...

if start snapping your fingers now an continue snapping 98,463,,077 times without stopping, the sun will rise and the sun will set, and the sky will grow dark and the night will deepen, and everyone will sleep while you are still snapping, until finally, sometime after daybreak when you finish up your snapping 98,463,077 snap, you will experience the truly intimate awareness of knowing exactly how  you spent every single moment of s single day of your life....

That's what it means to be a time being, old Jiko told me, and then she snapped her crooked fingers again.

And just like that, you die."

Appendix A: Zen Moments.

#ruthozeki, #shobogenzo, #zenmasterdogen, #thetimebeing 

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Look at what they done to my world, Ma!

 The Israel- Palestinian conflict is flaring up again like an old sore that refuses to abate once and for all. Many are concerned and the escalation of the conflict seems immanent in the near future as more and more countries are taking sides and aggravating the situation even more so. Basic human faith and belief, human decency and love for one another is being put to the maximum scrutiny by the entire world as the Internet and various other Media spreads each their own version and perspective of the events unfolding in the Gaza Peninsular. There is not a single act of love or care for another, or any act of human decency being exposed but just the acts of  brutality.rage and murder that each inflict upon the other on a daily basis. It is like the world is being entertained online by a Real Life horror show which evidently is what is selling on the Media market today. We are insatiable movie buffs and we love our reality shows the more real the better and now we are being delivered what we wish for to satisfy our urge for blood lust morbidity, the desire to see hell being inflicted upon others as long as it is not happening in our living room. 

We like to seem righteous when it comes making our thoughts and feelings known especially when a judgmental perspective is called for or sides to take on. We ever so often make our points expressed from our own personal and socio - cultural stand, we make our choices based upon how conditioned we are and how the religious as well society has a hold on our views. We are also influenced by our own self interest, like how can we benefit from whatever we are being exposed to. In this day and age most of us are trapped into this mode of expression as we face our day to day trials and tribulations, the choices we have to make and the excuses we are ask to give. However no matter how deep and thorough we look into ourselves we eventually will come to a realization that we can never justify enough, and no justification we make can convince, not even to ourselves; we are creatures of our thoughts and what we think is never what truly is. Our thoughts and perceptions of what our existence is all about is conditioned by our past experiences and thoughts and ideas imposed upon us by parents, teachers and society at large, rarely do develop our very own original intuitive perception that is free from these influences.

As more lives and properties are being annihilated by the ongoing conflicts in and around the Middle Eastern Countries and Myanmar, not to mention the countries in the continent of Africa where famine and tribal warfare are still rampant, we who are able to sit and make our observations and give out interpretations and perspectives, we are no better than mere tourists visiting a zoo taking stock of things with our cameras keeping an ongoing record for posterity. It would take a real miracle worker to make a difference in what we as humanity is experiencing, it would take a true awakened being, a real enlightened mind, but these are in short supply or so it seems and they exist somewhere they are not willing to make an appearance unless there is a call to by some cataclysmic event that threatens their own cave somewhere. In the meantime it is left up to you and me to keep trying to make sense out of every bit of nonsense that comes our way if nothing else for the sake of our own sanity. 

We can only empathize with what is going on all around and render aid where we can afford to accordingly, however it is impossible to carry the cross of the suffering of humanity for we are not equipped to do so. it can even detrimental to our health to attempt to do so as it would would tear us apart to the foundation mentally and physically.All that can be done is to pray if we are a divine being surrendering to the will of our divine nature that has the capacity beyond our human endurance and become the channel through which miracles can be called upon to happen in times of dire need for the sake of the rest of sentient beings around us. To accomplish his we have to come to realize our innate nature of being an eternal soul with a universal consciousness not bound by the laws of karma or conditioned by the laws of man. We have to discover our true nature that transcends all limitation and operate from that state of unconditional love and compassion. However most of humanity has lost or even are oblivious to this state and have accepted our lot as a helpless entity subjected to the whims of fate. How can we be of service to humanity when we are lost in our personal egocentric, self serving sense of personal survival.  

#Israel- Palestinian conflict, #                

Post Ramadan 3 days after Review.

 The Chinese cemetery at Batu Gantung is turning green and so is the race course area and the hills are much greener now after the spell of hot weather we had a few weeks ago. How predictable nature is in making sure that all is well accordingly in the cycle of life and its is most reassuring to me that somethings remain in accordance the laws of nature. The Penang Hill is slowly being used and abused by those tah can afford to do so in the need to confirm of the wealth and status for all the rest to witness and wondering who or what kind of people has the audacity to clear the hillsides for their creature comfort. It is a sad feeling to bear witness to the slow balding of the hillsides where patches of cleared forest can be seen like scabs upon the skin. The skies are littered with white clouds rising from behind the hills that stretches from one end of my vision to the other and the bright blue sky was like a curtain behind in the background. Morning has broken and I watered the plants and fed the pigeons on the neighbor's roof, they were waiting for me as soon as I stepped out of the apartment.

The thrid day of Eid Mubarak three days had passed after the fasting month of Ramadan and I posted on fb, " Now that Ramadan has passed, and the pandemic has forced you to stay home, what have you learned about youself?" Threw some cloths into the washer and did the dishes, fed the cat and continued reading, "A Tale For The Time Being," by Ruth Ozeki. It is a gem of a novel that brings back memories of my three years spent in Sendai, Japan and having spent two years as a Zen student at the Green Gulch Zen Community in Marin County, California. It is a novel I would gladly recommend to anyone who has the desire to understand Japan and its culture and traditions, her ups and down and Japan is still one of my favorite places among all the places i Have had the privilege of residing in my gone by days. The spirit of Bushido and that of Zen practice, the master pieces of Hokusai and Utamaro, the Old temples and the Bullet trains and the Sakura blooms in spring, they all were etched into my mind as a special treat for me and my family. The story included places I had lived in as we were located in the Miyagi Prefecture and the life of the people described are as real as I had experienced them. Reading this novel is like revisiting the places that I had visited while living in Sendai.

As part of the scenario in the story depicts the writer's life in the United States, Sunnyvale in California and the Pacific Northwest, I can relate with them as I had lived in both the areas and am familiar with the life and conditions personally having lived in the San Francisco Bay area for ten years and the Aleutian Chain area of Alaska for two years. Hence as I am reading the book I am being transported in time by memories of these places and the experiences I had being there.

Sunnyvale (/ˈsʌniveɪl, vəl/) is a city located in Santa Clara County, California, in Silicon Valley. As of the 2010 United States Census, the population was 140,095.

Sunnyvale is the 7th most populous city in the San Francisco Bay Area and one of the major cities comprising Silicon Valley. It is bordered by portions of San Jose to the north, Moffett Federal Airfield to the northwest, Mountain View to the northwest, Los Altos to the southwest, Cupertino to the south, and Santa Clara to the east. It lies along the historic El Camino Real and Highway 101.

On this 3rd day post Ramadan the country is on partial lockdown due to the pandemic and so there is very little travelling as it used to be where city folks would migrate to their home villages better in Malay as Balik Kampung to visit their family and friends they had left behind to seek their fortune in the big cities. In a way it is a blessing indisguise as there is less fuel waste on the highways and fewer accidents, less garbage thrown out of car windows along the highways and most importantly less wastage on food. To the Muslim Malays Eid Mubarak is like Christmas or Thanksgiving where familes get together and exchange to strengthen their family bonds or as known in the Islamic way as Silatulrahim, the renewal of kinship with one another. This year only the diehard visit their friends and families in the same locality risking being fined for breaking the pandemic curfew. 

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Two more days to go - Ramadan.

 And what have I learned from having fasted for almost a month now? Highly doubtful that it makes me a better Muslim, who am I kidding? A better person? Perhaps, but not to the extent that i would be given wings. Nah, I am still who I am not much change where life is concern except that my one big snag is that I need to have a better car now as my present one is on the brink of a lock down as the engine is smoking like a train as I drive down the road and now i have cars following me at a greater distance than is normal. She is old no doubt and should have been retired to the car heaven sometime ago, but I am in no position to purchase anything beyond one or two thousand much less a car, even a used one. COVID has its silver lining in some ways as I always maintain, the cleaner environment, the lesser vehicles on the the road, the, closer bonding in the family unit, the better survival of the wild life and the slowdown of the big rush of life itself for us humans. For old farts like me this is good, its timely and it makes a whole lot of sense. A few years ago when we moved into this apartment I told myself never to work anymore at least not for anyone, or even earn a living like ordinary folks. I told myself that i am taking a leave of absence from the life out there and focus on the life in here. Little did i imagine that my wishes has been granted in more than one ways, I am now stuck like a hermit in a cave o my own making. Not bad really seeing that i have been able to come to grips with allot of my habits and tendencies and see them for what they are. 

Being a recluse has its advantages as one becomes more in tune with what is than what is out there. There is lesser and lesser thoughts to be entertained when there is less and less relationships to entertain. These days the mind is focused on relationships that truly matters like bonding with my adult children and accepting them and their ways with ope heart and clear conscience. Making sure that they eat well and spend their hard earned income to better themselves healthwise and keeping their psycho-emotional state in a more stable and reliable form. Sharing what is pertinent to life spiritually and socially in a more relaxed and give and take, win win manner which is called by the Buddha called by skillful means. Being a guardian and a friend rather than a father or a parent. Learning even at my old age that i can be wrong and it is okay to be ignorant sometimes as it gives others the chance to be wise for your sake. That it is okay to be needy sometimes as it allows for others to be beneficent and charitable, that it is okay to loose when you see there a whole to be gained through acceptance of losses. Hence here I am, a few days to go, fasting as best i can on this fasting Month of Ramadan.

The essence of the purpose for fasting as I might have mentioned before is to confront and annihilate the egotistical tendencies inherent in us. Yes it is the  clarion call that has been made throughout the ages by practically all spiritual leaders and religious faith. 

"Faqala ana Rabbukumu la- 'ala (79:24). Ego has a big Claim. It wants to be God itself. It claims that It is God. Don't say La illa haillaAllah, I am here! Say. Laillaha illa nafsi, there is not God but my ego. Accept my Lordship. Accept my Divinity. I will not be pleased if you accept someone else." ...from talks by Shaykh Nazim's SaltnatTV.

Ego is full of disloyalty and evil. Don't look for evil elsewhere. why do you look for evil somewhere else when you have its source in you.

The Peophet of Allah (PBUH) has said," Lord, protect me from my ego. Don't leave me even for a blink of an eye."

Azazzil who later was known as Satan was said to be the most devoted worshiper of the Lord, He did not fell from Grace because of any worldly affections but because of His ego in assuming that His devotion to God entitles Him not to bow to Adam

"Ara'aitaka hadha lladhi karamtaa 'alayya." (17:62)

" Look, You created him from clay just now. He hasn't promise to You yet. He hasn't prostrated to You yet, Despite all my worship You have not grant me this respect and instead honored this one and You dressed him with the attribute to be Your Khalifa."

Yes the gist of the matter is that the ego has to go and as someone pointed out, drop the 'E' and go! The fasting month has been quite an experience this time around and I have the feeling that I may see the rewards in some small ways later, just loosing some weights if nothing else or discovering that i do have the chances yet of becoming a good Muslim.

As The End Approahes- Ramadan

Has been a while however it is never too late to listen to Kitaro's "Matsuri" on You Tube while I allow my mind to drift on the COVID19 Saturday Morning. I had just sat facing the panoramic view of the Penang Hills and was blessed with a clear rainbow that from one end to the other arching over the Kek Lok Si Temple with the 60 feet standing Kwan Yin statue that completes the whole picture. Earlier as I was walking towards the stairs where i would sit, I had to free a pigeon from being trapped in a net hanging from the ceiling. The bird was flapping its wings in a desperate attempt to escape from the predicament it was in and as soon as I ripped the net from its foot she took off after dropping a few floors downwards towards the ground. I had not wanted to share the morning initially but simply kept it to myself as the morning's gift from the Universe, or was it from the Goddess of Mercy, Herself, however I decided that good positive feelings should be shared no matter how trivial it may seem as we face all the negativity that is being thrown at us from the world out there. 

One of the reasons for my writing and posting my thoughts and experiences all these years is to share with all those who take the trouble to read these little episodes in my life that otherwise would have simply vanish with time and never to be thought of, lost in memory. What did it felt like to watch a pigeon hanging upside down flapping its wings in a desperate attempt to free itself. I felt fear in the bird and in myself and I felt as though it was meant to be that happen to decide in doing my morning routine than went back to sleep as I almost did. I felt the bond between us as I know that i have been feeding this same bird along with the rest from the neighborhood almost everyday with my leftovers. I felt the nagging in my mind stopped and the migraine and lack of energy and enthusiasm slipped away replaced by a more exuberant state of, "hell yea, it's beautiful morning and good to be awake to watch the sun rise and the birds sing all around me: then as I sat came the rainbow! It was a care package of positive vibes to help pass yet another day in the COVID prison. May all beings in the six realms and ten directions enjoy the day and may all their suffering be lightened.

Love is the key, the essence the net that holds together the 'whole' that we truly are, the wise ones has been saying for eons and yet man creates formless demons to destroy their fellow man all in the name of control. COVID19 is man made, created in a lab for the purpose of mass control. It is an experimental virus that has gone awry, out of control and as a result has spread like wid fire and not even the antidote that was created to maintain as a safe guard over its spread is proving useless; it is like a runway train that is loaded with toxic chemicals running down its track towards a final destructive end. There s no justification for this manifestation of inhumane act of mass destruction of lives except for the greed for power and the ultimate egotistic need to dominate. Only a Godless, soulless regime is capable of such atrocity of mass genocide. I always ask myself ,who stands to profit from this mess we find ourselves in and why are we as a specie with all ur great minds and technology are not able to track down the culprit who set it all in motion. The answer I can come up with to satisfy myself is Dajjal or the Anti Christ and it may sound as far out there by a long sane shot, I cannot see any other schemer of such a grand scale capable of or dare to bring humanity to its knee.

I know most who read this would be skeptical and by right they should as for along time now throughout our human history we have been led by our nose towards the fulfillment of an agenda set about by the our dark side our shadow and this shadow goes by different names as many as God goes by different names and in different guises. Man has been lulled to sleep ever since the battle for the control of our destiny and that of the planet was set between light and darkness, God and Satan, angels and demons. The shedding of human blood all over the world has become a common phenomena as wars continue to claim lives and create havoc and misery. The planet faces one man made disaster  after another making it an added cause for the decadence and eventual demise of species, but most of us are oblivious to what we are manifesting, too busy taking care of number one; self preservation and survival of the fittest, the all mighty ego. 

Thus spoke my paranoid mind for lack of better thoughts to share and this too will pass as they say, the COVID, the wars, the Famine, the environmental degradation, the self mortification, it wiil all pass or I will pass on. However in the meantime the same ol same ol thoguhts will cirurlate and be regurgitate like the drifting of the plastic waste in the world oceans floating and drifting following the currents whereever it flows. What a waste of human potential, human probabilities and abilities, what a waste of good food and good wine and good woment to come to this after all these years of drifting. Time will tell as time will heal and mend a broken spirit and time will take its toll before it forever is lost into oblivion. The fasting month can bring the est and the worse out of a person and there three more days before it is over when we celebrate the Eid Fitri to commemorate the end of the fasting month of Ramadan.

     

"The Color Purple" - Against all odds.

 'The Color Purple" a novel by Alice Walker made into a movie by Steven Spielberg tells of the endurance of two sisters who grew up in the South and were separated by fate and unfortunate events in their lives. Played by Danny Glover and Whoopie Goldberg in the leading roles the movie to me is a classic that encapsulates the spirit of the Colored South. The movie tells of the strength and deep faith that the African American had to keep them struggling to survive while enduring the post slavery age in their history and the history of the Southern States. It exposes the raw deals that the Black families subjected to while crawling out from under the foot stools of the Whites as well as their own family traumas due to ignorance and social pressures. The African Americans has proven that perseverance and resilience in spirit can overcome all odds and adversities no matter how harsh and bitter life can be. Hope is hope no matter how small and bleak it may seem, it was hope that kept Ms.Celie alive and enduring the abuses of her husband,the hope that she would one day see her sister Ms.Nettie and her children again and she would triumph over it all at the end of the day.

"The Color Purple documents the traumas and gradual triumph of Celie, an African American teenager raised in rural isolation in Georgia, as she comes to resist the paralyzing self-concept forced on her by others. Celie narrates her life through painfully honest letters to God."...Britannica.

The story by Alice Walker and co-authored by Oprah Winfrey I feel is a must read for college literature and cultural studies of the post Slavery life the African Americans or the South. It may be a work of fiction, but it has all the ear marks of a cultural history that began at the very root of the family life and expanded into the society at large reflecting a struggle for a cultural heritage that would lay claim in history as a triumph of the human spirit against all odds. It is a story that could be told of by any given society anywhere on this planet. It is a microcosmic drama played out at the most raw and sensitive level of the human emotional and psychological family level to the level of a community as well as into the macrocosmic level of the global level. Notches in the tree of life of the African American history captured on a screen by great minds that pooled together such as Director Steen Spielberg and Producer Quincy Jones and superb actors such as Danny Glover, Whoopie Golberg and Oprah Winfrey, and many others that played major and linor role in this movie to bring it to life a documentary of a piece of human history.

The geniuses who told stories.

 My daughter brought home a few second hand novels from the Sunday market at the Hin Bus Depot where she herself was selling face masks produced by her company: Marimask. I just finished reading the first, The Voyages of Doctor Dolittle by Hugh Lofting published by Yearling. It was a refreshing fast read as it took one on a fantasy adventure that needed not much thinking. The book about a Naturalist, Dr. Dol;ittle, brought back my childhood memories of the children adventure stories that i had read, books like those by Enib Blyton, Mark Twain, Rudyard Kipling and the likes; I was an avid reader at a very early age and my English language subject had won me many awards at the end of the year on Parents' Day. Reading saw me through my teenage years while living on the East Coast in Kuala Terengganu where i was exposed to numerous novels of all kinds thanks to my oldest brother who was also my English teacher at the Sultan Sulaiman Secondary School. He had spent several years in England and upon his return home had brought back with him two large suitcases of novels which he had hidden under his bed as most of these were considered not suitable for an average teenager for their erotic nature. This however only had my curiosity fired up and I stole into thee suitcases and devoured as many of the literature as i could. Hence My English subject improved tremendously only it was not as well appreciated in school  when the English teacher was your older brother.

I was reading the likes of James Michener,s "Hawaii", "Alaska" "Chesapeak" and a few others, or Harold Robbin's, "The Carpet Baggers," and "Tycoon. " Alistair McClean's many great thrillers like,"Ice Station Zebra", "Guns of Navarone", "Where Eagles Dare," most of which were later turned into epic movies with roles played by great actors such as Gregory Peck in the Guns of Navarone and Clint Eastwood in "Where Eagles Dare." I devoured James Clavell's, "Taipan" and "Shogun" within a short time  many other great writers of the time. I had spent hours of my time sitting under the, Flame of the Forest tree in front of my brother's teacher's quarters residence pouring through one novel after another oblivious to the world around me. In between reading my eyes would venture upon the horizon of the South China Sea that was set before me where I was sitting. This was when my mind developed the yearn to set out and venture beyond the horizon to discover what it was like to feel the snow under your feet or the warmth of the desert sand, the streets and sky scrappers of large cities where I had visited in my imagination while reading the novels. There is no doubt in my mind that reading had a great influence on my life and had planted the bug that led me to become footloose and fancy free while travelling the globe in my adult life. 

Reading of books especially novels has become a rarity as today's young adults are more immersed into the attractions of the Internet and various other outlets for entertainment other than the archaic paper backs. They would rather carry an I-pad or mobile phones with endless source of games and videos than lug around a thick novel. Finding a person with nose buried in a book in cafes is a rare sight these days and books are becoming more expensive due to the rise in cost to have them published. However I still love the feel of an old paperback novel in my hand and cherish the smell of the musty worn out pages, nothing like a second hand paperback to keep the mystery of life alive. The fact that book may have been read several others before you or where it has been before ending up in your hands is in itself a mystery. It is sad to say that minor mysteries like these are of no values to the young minds of today, that sense of awe about the ability to conjure up tales and stories that would entertain one in the privacy of one's own imagination is slowly is becoming a thing of the past. 

I feel much fortunate and obligated to those great writers whose works I had the opportunity to read in my younger days as they had fed my imagination and set me up to be able to be who I am today. I still marvel at their abilities to narrate such epic works as by J.R. Tolkien and J.K. Rowling that today has captivated the minds of millions around the world young and adults alike. Names like Tom Clancy and Robert Ludlum, Dan Brown and John Grisham has produced great movies from their novels and I feel most fortunate that in my lifetime I have been able to enjoy their works both as a reader as well as a movie buff. To witness the transformation of their literary works projected on to the silver screen is a marvel that still defies my imagination. If ther is anything to say spiritually I would say this is the result of a collective consciousness triggered by a great if not enlightened mind; these are geniuses of our times.        

   

What fb frienndships means to me.

  Of late I have been receiving many friendship requests from strangers mostly Malays in their middle age and most seem well educated and established in their lives and careers. I accepted quite a few thus far simply out of respect and curtsy lest I be deemed a fb snob. I also accepted these request out of curiosity to discover their story, what they have in mind, expect out me; their intentions. Most thus far are regular polite gentlemen and a few are most probably have the same reasons as I. I am slowly seeing an image of a middle class Malay men who perhaps bored like the rest of us for having to pretty much stay home due to COVID19 and have made the Face Book as well as other Internet links to while their time away. Some are genuinely looking for new friendships but most are out to check out as many characters that captures their curiosity, while many are showing off their place and positions, prowess and accomplishments in the Malay society. For me it is becoming a great cross cultural study and so I am choosing to entertain as many as i can afford to to add to fb collections of strangers who wish to know me. I get to to have a peek at their lifestyle and their personal characters, theri interests and how well informed they are and how well they communicate as middle aged, middle class working Malays.

As son as I have accepted them they would promptly message me to get to know me better, pry into my personal life with personal questions like, still married, how many children, still working? What  nationality exactly, and this they do right off the bat and I feel often like I was being interrogated by a country bumpkin. So I decided to poish up on my poor Malay and the art of communication with total strangers while in some small way try to educate them into observing some etiquette, or decorum when communicating especially with an elderly gentleman like myself. Where or when else do i get a chance to better myself at interpersonal communication especially with the Malay men who are mostly introverts, reserved in nature when talking about themselves to strangers, are very inquisitive about wanting to know about you and they pry almost rudely by Western standing. However i dont think this is done consciously and this is perhaps because of their lack of communicative experience when it comes to online meeting.

I am beginning t enjoy the age factor of being the elder in society which simply put,I dont give a hot what you think of me but mind your manners when you address me cause this age comes with a whole lot of knowledge and experiences both good and ugly and survived. Sometimes I forget what a demon I was and allow for the little petty tyrants of today run my life for me with their petty bullshit of trying to hoodwink the unfortunate and get away with it. However there is the other side of the coin that what a spiritual practice is hinged upon and that is detachment from all that is external in whatever colors shapes and forms; lest i forget. And so I am involved but detached from the involvement - detached involvement, plucking the lotus without getting my fingers wet, For the sake of the well being of the rest of sentient beings in this real of existence i will play the role of the ignorant clown and mingle with the crowd who knows one or two of God's creatures might be enlightened by my idiocy or inadvertently even find the door to liberation from this realm of delusion. 

"If manners maketh man, as someone says,

Then he is the hero of the day,

It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile,

Be yourself no matter what they say."...An Englishman in New York

-Sting. 

What's so great about Fasting?

 The fourteenth day of Ramadan and the cat woke me up with her loud meowing and mattress scratching to get my attention and it did like always. This morning as I struggled to the kitchen I found that her food was not the problem there was plenty left in her bowl and so the second problem was to be let out of the house and I did. Pigeons waiting of the roof for their breakfast and so I took care of that and there was enough for a load of laundry to be be run and so I took care of that. Then there were dishes that were sitting in the sink and the counters with left over food in them, so I took care of that too. While doing all these my head was like it was in a vise being squeezed from all sides but I continued to perform my tasks as a way of healing my body and mind and it worked; this was meditation in action. Headache gone, nasty thoughts gone and I got things done while listening to my cat howling for a mate as she was in her mating mood. It is a sad thing to hear and I blame God and Mother Nature for such cruelty towards animals. I should blame myself really for not getting her a male companion, but it is one of those mornings when things don't swing like you want them to.

Hunger pains brings out your sense of awareness more vividly as you go through the day not being able to eat or drink. No Panadol, no smokes, it makes you feel like you just want to hit the pillows again and not wake up till it is the end of the day when the azan for the maghrib prayer is heard from the State Mosque is heard to tell you that you can break your fast. However one can only sleep so much without creating a new ailment for the body and mind caused by too much laying on the bed. Perhaps it is symptoms of getting up there in age, these aches and pains, moans and groans with ever move one makes, like getting up or sitting down, perhaps it is the foretell of coming states of decadence and breakdown, perhaps it is just being in the seventies club...and your warranty is running out. Yes the fasting month brings out the best and the worse in you and all you have to do is to stay open and receptive to what is being revealed of who you are truly, your strength and weaknesses. 

On the othr hand the fasting month also evokes the consciousness of being compassionate owards others especially those who are in need, the poor and poverty striken. Compassion towards the victims of wars and destruction natural or otherwise and faces starvation due to these factors. Those who are conscientious and caring are more charitable towards their neighbors in need or the beggars they encounter on the street. Loving kindness becomes more readily revealed towards each other more so then it normally would be when one is fasting. When one is able to see the many positive virtues that fasting brings out in us collectively, it indeed makes a whole lot of sense that the fasting month of Ramadan is prescribe as one of the five pillars of Islam.  

He speaks we just don'''t listen.

 As I sat facing the hills lined with white concrete structures stretching before me the skies was blazing with crimson colors from the rising sun,  felt the sense of blissfulness for a short moment when all else dropped even God was absent. I felt the tranquility of being devoid of a single thought, only peace and clarity as though I was the 60 feet tall Kwan Yin, the Goddess of Mercy at the foot of the Kek Lok Si temple as She looks down with Compassion upon the largest Chinese cemetery of Batu Gantung; I listened to the myriads of birds songs welcoming the break of day and witness the changing colors all over the landscape stretching from the Jerejak Island to the Batu Gantung cemetery. The Penang Hills rises into the morning clear blue skies like a green wall fresh from the heavy rains of the past few days. I sat and allowed my mind to tell its stories one after another rising and fading away until there was none left but sound and sight of a new day, somewhere my cat Furby was meowing loud demanding attention and with a Gasho and a bowing before the entire Universe that had oened before i rose reluctantly; and this too will pass.

 Half the month of the month of Ramadan has gone by and my struggles with the Nafs ( ego) within has slowly began to subside for now and I feel like I am making a headway in reclaiming the sense of who I am. I fully realize that I am not giving it my fullest effort in observing all the precepts of the fasting month like a devoted Muslim should, but then again I am not a devout Muslim never was and never claimed to be and this I confess before my Lord and my Lord alone. However I feel His Divine Presence off and on in me and am grateful for His Grace and Blessings and I realize that i am at His mercy and compassion and that nothing, not a thing I say or do that does not come from Him and if you ask me as a Muslim who is my God, I say it He Allah (SHW), ask me as a Hindu I would say He is Brahman, the Supreme and Eternal Essence, if you are Christian I would say He is El Elohim, Adonai or if you be a Jew my Lord is the God of Abraham, Ishmael and Issac and the God of Moses, I call Him Jehovah; being converted to Islam I call my Lord, Allah. I am fasting in obseervation of one of the Mandates of my Lord which to me is a very pure cleansing and healing practice, a purification of my soul. in my effort to cleanse myself from the stains of spiritual transgressions in my life. In my life i have broken just about every precept and moral laws short of cold blooded murder and I have often enough times pointed my middle finger at God; I do have a heavy karmic debt to pay one way or another. 

I know I have a very long ride towards perdition here and in the hereafter for karma to play out itself but I hold on to one hope none the less, that the Al Mighty is compassionate and forgiving even for a damned soul like me and this faith I hold on to without doubt. Now after years of searching for answers and ways out of my self propagated suffering I a beginning to feel some small comfort in seeing the inner light burning again within me.I am catching glimpses perhaps of my liberation from the tangle that i am in all these years that very few really know of. It is like laying down the cross and removing the crown of thorns that i have been carrying and wearing as a symbol of penance and repentance. How I wish I could turn back the hands of time and walk a different path instead having driftted into the rut that i had led myself into all out of so much anger at myself and the world.

"Centered in stillness; meeting resistance with acceptance,

reveals and heals the persistence of the concealed." 

A quote I got from a post on Face Book by Jane Parry in a group I recently joined called, "An understanding of the words of the Gurus and sages of our time." as soon as I finished typing the last paragraph! Believe it or not! God speaks and if only we know how to listen.

      

Ramadan Ramblings

 Of late i have been having strange nightmares in my sleep state some were vivid while others though disturbing makes no sense. I decided to simply allow them to happen and not make too much fuss in trying to make sense about them. In my waking state too I am finding that more and more flotsam seems to drift before my mind, it is as though the more deeper  get into my meditative state, as I have been sitting much more regularly and with greater comfort and ease, the more there arise in my consciousness mental formations which often are random and of no significance whatsoever. Past traumas and dramas keeps popping up at the slightest suggestion triggered by just a single thought. The thing of it is, I am more attuned to these ongoings more so than ever before and am getting used to simply wave them hello and farewell almost instantaneously without much effort. Letting go of my attachments albeit physical, mental or emotional is becoming allot more easier and less of a struggle; sitting meditation during the month of Ramadan is proving to be a trip.

One of the reason we are asked to fast in Islam is the fact that fasting puts a choke hold on the ego. The ego is being put to the grind when dealing with hunger and thirst and when dealing with maintaining moral virtues especially restraining from even thinking upon such transgressions as sexual desires, lying and cheating or being simply dishonest with the world. Fasting  during the month of Ramadan is one of the most effective ways of bringing home one's moral and spiritual virtue as a human being. During this holy month even the worse of non believers take a hold of their appetites especially their carnal desires except for those whose agenda is set upon the destruction of the human spirit and these are the proxies of the demonic state doing the bidding of the ungodly their masters who according to the Islamic text are all reigned in and put on lock down in hell for the duration of the fasting month. Hence the Lord has given man a challenge for him to see his strength and weaknesses when all his actions are his own and not due to any influences or possessed by satanic or demonic entities. Man is tested to prove to himself that he can confront and overcome his weaknesses and transgressions of his own making on his own; there is no devil that made me do it.

Stuck between COVID19 and Ramadan, Muslims all ove the world are enjoying life no doubt especially those in the war zones of the Middle East and the African Continent. The Good Lord has His ways and mysterious as it is He likes to put some people and some nations to the test of faith, of suffering in order to wean out all those who are fakes and dires, those who claim to be good Muslims but are in effect having their fingers in the cookie jars hidden behind closed doors and those who truly touch their forehead to the ground while the sword hangs over their heads. I love being a homo sapiens in this day and age and what a world of illusion to live in with each and everyone dancing to their own tune of deception and decadence but hollering out loud over the air five times a day, how great God is. If asked how come we are in such a mess and they answer, it is written, it's the will of God, its destined its our karma; we re but pawn in the Game of Life, like prawns we are destined for the wok at the end of the day.

Most religious belief testifies that we live in a world of illusion, of maya, of make believe and that we are mostly sleep walkers drifting in space and time from one entanglement to another and sometimes stuck forever into one till death do us part. In Hinduism life is also known as Lila or the play (of Gods) and we are each and everyone playing our part while we are on stage. It is of no relevance whether we like or enjoy the roles we play or that we hate so much of being in a role of who we are for the Gods has made it so and it is written in the Book of Loh Mahfuz, the Book of Life. So suck it up and take it like a man this life is not permanent and it will end sooner or later for one and all, a matter of predestined time, when or where only God knows, perhaps just when you got it all figured out and boom!, you are history; Such Is, as the Buddha said. #ramadanramblings,