Protection and prevention is better than being sorry.

To perform the wudu or ablution before performing the solat or prayer is mandatory in Islam. Purifying oneself in a specified manner as laid down by the Prophet of Allah (PBH), This cleansing of various parts of the body including the mouth and nose, the entire face and arms followed by the ears and the top of the skull and finished off with the washing of the two feet is carried out before one steps on to the prayer mat to face Allah. It makes sense that one should be clean as much as possible in order to meet the Maker. The wudu is began with the 'niat' or intention being recited as one washes the entire face and that is to perform the ablution in the name of the All Mighty. If one performs the solat five times a day as one should being a Muslim then one is required to perform the wudu as many times unless one can guarantee that one's wudu not been nullified by an act such as going to the toilet or taking a piss or a long nap or even letting off a good fart and such act as touching a person of the opposite sex that is forbidden.

A wudu is also required to be taken when one is about to handle the  Holy Quran. It is said that no evil can approach a person when he or she has performed the wudu, this si something i heard told me when I was young, so don't quote me on this. It was even said that, the fires of hell will not touch the parts of the body that has been performing the wudu while it was alive; again just here say? I would recite the blessings to the Prophet everytime i take my wudu as a matter of practice, I am sure it is not required to do so. You wash each part of the body three times and this begins with the thorough cleansing of the palms and followed rinsing of the mouth and followed by the snorting of water up into the nostrils. Then just before you wash you entire facial area you recite the nyyah or intention.

In a hot and humid country such as Malaysia, the performing of the wudu has an added blessing as it helps to refresh the body parts and awakens the person from slothfulness. It also helps to keep the body cool at least five times a day while clearing the mind from its regular busy-ness. One feels rejuvenated and refreshed after taking the wudu and after performing the solat itself the mind becomes more clear and less scattered. I fully recommend this to all who sits and meditate even if they are non Muslims, purify the body or at least clean it in your own religious or traditional ways. Now i have done what i felt I needed to do in sharing a little about sitting meditation as I said earlier through connecting the dots and making simple sense out of what comes my way. Each religion, each faith, each school has its own ways and means, do not let names scare you like Allah is only God to me and to you it may be whatever it is you choose to be. 



  

Only fools dare where angels fear.

Yesterday, Friday, the Imam at the mimbar or pulpit was talking about the powers of Zikrullah, the repetitious chanting of the various verses or just the Names of Allah. I feel zikr is one of the most potent means of remembering the Lord and it is also a great means of purifying the mind from useless thoughts. I normally just say Allah with every breath I take or to be more accurate, Allah when I take in a breath and Hu when I let out and this has a very soothing effect on my mind and most assuredly will bring my mind to a more focused state. I also feel that when one is going into deep meditative state it is wise to carry along a spiritual 'shield' as a protection against unwonted elements that often tries to infiltrate an empty state of consciousness in a man. Like, hey, no one is home lets check this guy out and the rest is history as soon you find yourself playing host to a few unsavory characters squatting in your living room and you wonder why your meditation practice is not working out.

By constantly reminding yourself, if not your mental state, of the highest of powers that you place your faith into, it is like forging an armor as a protection against 'attacks' from negative elements and energies, some call them demons, Jins, shaitan, iblis, among other popular names, if one is more leaning towards Islam. Other faiths and religions have them too no doubt like Mara and his cohorts in Buddhism and warlock and witches devils and ghosts in Christianity, evil spirits that threaten to overcome you at the least provocation and create discord in your life if you are not aware. These malevolent entities or bad energies, why, some might even call them aliens, enjoys sneak attacks and often creeps into your space or consciousness undetected until it is too late; oh no, he/she is being possesed. I can quote many incidents in my life where this hocus pocus, mumbo jumbo kind of thing really happens but it would be too much for the skeptical mind to digest as it is. All i am attempting here is to warn against the unseen perils against certain spiritual practices done without the guidance of a good teacher. As the saying goes, be aware that shit happens even when your intentions are good, especially  when your intentions are good.

The gist of it is, to be careful and take precaution whenever you decided to embark upon a meditative or other spiritual venture hidden in some cave 'clouds hidden, whereabouts unknown,' just have a safety first attitude Lock yourself in  cocoon of protective spiritual net, surround your environment with a wall of flames if you can and last but not least, ask for the permission for your being there and doing what it is you are about to do, lest it is an intrusion into someone else's dimensional space that you are not aware of. 

What I have shared here is some of my personal experiences and accumulated knowledge over the years having been exposed to both the Eastern and Western thoughts and practices in spirituality. In doing so I realize for myself that I am regressing in my practice and understanding thus far, like all these are purely mental formations that has no hold or authority over my consciousness. As I am the master of my thoughts and consciousness and will always be so no matter what the conditions may be. However it 's for the sake of sharing knowledge that i look back and connected the dots to come to a realization that some things are needed to be shared no matter how trivial they may seem ; especially when one's sanity if not soul is at stake. The deeper you get into knowing the truth about who you are the thinner the sheet of ice you walk on.  









     

How I miss my little camera!- If picture speaks...

The olors of Monet was captured at the Lentang organic farm where i used to hang out and work my body, mind and spirit. This was my retreat from the rest of myself, especially when my mind had had enough of the City scene. This picture also reminds me how with the help of a young lad from the village we cleaned the pond, removing loads of water weeds; it was a labor of Love.

This 'laughing Buddha' or known in Chinese as HoTei is now no more as it was smashed one day by heavy winds that blew through my friend Ah Huat's the Auto air condition workshop located in Sungai Dua. This too was where i used to hang out not too long ago working my butts off at salvaging scrap metal for sale.. My relationship with Ah Huat went sour for reasons I have yet to learn, but it was meant to be.

At high tide the huts floats above the reflections in the water and this calm scene has been a retreat from the humdrum of the city traffic not too far from this scene that you can still feel the roar of the traffic along the highway like an ongoing mantra;OMMM! This is yet another place where i seek refuge to calm my wearied mind and am still well received by the locals with respect and kindness.

I would stand and do my physical workout facing these bird cages everytime I visit this spot after giving my salutations to the four directions of the compass I usually do this at night and I always feel the presence of  the unseen spirits around me. I  never enter a forest nor  stand by the ocean or any out of the way places without giving my salutations to those that belong there seen or unseen. 

My creative spirit is now at its lowest ebb as i find simply little pleasure in doing any art, perhaps it will come back, the passion of my childhood, by for now whatever i do it seems to be a force of habit much more than the thrill of being able to draw or create. I will never be rich as an artist nor will i find fame, but suffice to say I was happy when i was creating just for the sake of being creative.

If pictures could speak a thousand words than this picture encapsulates all my feelings about life. Taken in the darkness the bonfire was to me primeval and evoked a feeling of  the awesomeness of nature and the elements. The formation of the black shadow in the middle of the fire was like a dark witch standing above the flames and the figure of the man burning made it looked like a sacrificial pyre.  This was taken at Lentang Organic Farm., or better known as SRI LOVELY.

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The Poet of the Mind - Jung.- The effect of meditation contd.

Taking the inner journey to a deeper level of understanding involves greater a little bit of an empirical understanding of the workings of the mind and the senses. In this matter i have to approach the seat of one of the great masters whose works I had attempted to study in the past, the Swedish Doctor. Carl Gustav Jung, sometimes known as the Poet of the Mind. I will never understand Jung and his intricate fabric of thoughts with regard to the human psyche not many today does for that matter unless perhaps if they are a true blue Jungian scholar, of which I am hardly. I happen to come by a set of the complete works of Jung at a Salvation Army thrifty outlet and bought the whole set for 10Rm. which is not even 3US dollars worth. Imagine that, a whole set of the complete works of a genius bought for USD3. 

"...Whoever goes to himself risks a confrontation with himself. The mirror does not flatter, it faithfully shows whatever looks into it; namely, the fae we never show to the world because we cover it with the persona, the mask of the actor. But the mirror lies behind the mask and shows the true face.
This confrontation is the first test of courage on the inner way, a test sufficient to frighten off most people, for the meeting with ourselves belongs to the more unpleasant things that can be avoided so long as we can project everything negative into the environment. But if we are able to see our own shadow and can bear knowing about it, then a small part of the problem has already been solved; we have at least brought up the personal unconscious. The shadow is a living part of the personality and therefore wants to live with it is some form. It cannot be argued out of existence or rationalized into harmlessness."
Page 20, 43-44 - The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious.
G.C Jung.

What attracted me to this piece of information from Jung is the fact that it helps me to make better understanding why I earlier had said that there is a negative effect to meditation and the meditator has to become aware of this as his meditation practice progresses. That the human psyche contains numerous caches of good as well as bad things that has yet to be discovered or unearthed, these can and will make their debut now and again as in dreams and in moments least expected. We all closets full of 'things' and we would like to make believe that they do not exist or at least shoved away in some dark corners of our mind; this is our mistake when dealing with the human mind and meditation practices is simply this; to deal with the workings of the mind.

What is the Connection between Allah and Buddha?

“Look towards that person who looks towards you. Love that person that loves you, listen to that person that listens to you and give your hands in his hands that are prepared to grasp it.” 
― Hazrat Abdul Qadir Jilani

"The very peak of playfulness is also an expression of the ultimate possibilities of Yoga."
    Sadguru Jaggi Vasudev. -Story of Krsna

The two quotes above came through my reading on Hazrat Sheikh Abdul Qadir Jilani and listening to Sadguru on You Tube, they are words of wisdom that i deemed worth noting for my own awakening. For as long as I am alive and am able to function cognitively as well as physically, I will pursue knowledge from every available source among which also includes having discourses with wise men if and when I get a chance to; these are becoming a rare specie or so it seems, as rarely do i come by men who speak their minds and hearts over matters of the soul. one or two i have hoped to develop a connection with to dat has proven too obtrusive in their manners of presentation that i find it hard to keep up with. it seems the ego speaks louder than the spirit when you get to know them better. These remain my good friends but not someone I can confide in when it comes to matters of my well being.
   
It is said, "Only a Buddha knows or recognizes a Buddha, " it is not condescending to feel oneself a Buddha, which one is, but it is a matter of principle of choice when it comes to making a contact or a relationship this late in life. One chooses with clarity and with unprejudiced or unbiased insight into the nature of the one that is to become one's acquaintance on a spiritual level. A poor choice can drag you down or smash you against uncharted rocks in the course of a relationship and place you where you have tried so hard to be free from. Trusting no one but yourself O Ananda, this is the road to liberation, the Buddha spoke to His cousin as His final words of advice before he departed into Pari Nirvana, the Non Returning state of annihilation  of the self, "I,Am No More."

Yes most of my friends would have no idea whatsoever of what I am yapping about, some might even accuse me of being highly obtrusive myself in matters of the soul. I am perhaps counting sheep that don't belong to me as i borrow from here and there the drops of nectar of wisdom and use them to simply express myself as a blogger; perhaps. However bear in mind that, I am also a born again Muslim who is trying the pray five times a day and not doing it well at that. As a Muslim, I am tied ot the principles of islam that is uncompromising when it comes to the understanding of faith and devotion. It is my soul that is at stake here no less, if i fail in coming to a complete conciliation over my spiritual understanding thus far I am looking at the damnation of my soul to hell for my ignorance. Hence it is imperative that I make every effort in coming to a complete and perfect understanding of who I am and where do i stand where my Lord and Creator is concern.

I am looking at myself from the perspective of one who has been given a choice of taking a road less travelled on this spiritual journey. I am deeply privileged for this honor despite all the trials and tribulations, the doubts and despair moments, the self abusive and anger ridden episodes along the way; I feel like I am one of the chosen ones or God's great sense of humor and playfulness. I have waded through the quagmire of life heedlessly and at the end of the day found myself entering Islam through the side door of the mosque; the house of God. Deep within I feel that i have yet to be received with full pardon, there are still mush to be purified and cleansed before i can truly admit the I am a true Muslim or that God has accepted me unconditionally. No, i am still swimming upstream searching for my time and place to rest my wearied soul and accept what lies beyond. 

Life is Leela, or play according to Lord Krishna and it is not wise to take life all to seriously as it is after all is an illusion or Maya. The mind creates what is and what is created mentally is never permanent, that which is eternal is elusive and as such one is trapped within a web of the Nirmanakaya Loka or the Earthly manifested realm of the Historical Buddha. In this realm of existence man is subjected to being held in bondage of pleasure and pain, good and evil and so forth as dictates by the dual thinking mind. It is to become liberated  from this realm of existence that the Historical Buddha,  Gautama or Prince Siddhartha came into being as a Bodhisattva for the final time for the benefit of sentient beings.

 The riddle here is, how does one make a strong connection between Allah and the Buddha?           



  

My talk- Man to Mind.

A bowl of Quaker Oats with a little milk and sugar at 1;30am, helps to soothe stomach or so they say, also suppose to lower the cholesterol level or so it seems, but I agree and so it has been a good part of my diet especially as a late night snack. It would be nice to add a few fresh strawberries and honey instead of sugar... why it is what the doctor ordered for old farts like me. It is also a great time for a cup of hot Nescafe black with hmm... sugar. Oh well small simple pleasures what can I say. Eat while you still can, my mother used to say, do not be stingy when it comes to food the money you spent is never wasted if it is paid for what you love to eat. Eating your favorite food is worth 100 percent of vitamins potency to the health of your body. However a little caution to what you throw down the hatch is in order if you are to maintain a balanced eating habit that is beneficial to your well being; too much of anything is bad for your health is the golden rule.

Now to entertain my mind or have a little romp man to mind, for lack of better things to do after an oatmeal and Nescafe- O and what with a Zen music coming from You Tube through one ear as the the ear phone is functioning at half capacity. It is a reaction to the sitting meditation to quiet the mind that the mind becomes more rambunctious and demands attention with intensity grabbing at any source that arises through the five senses to create a dialogue, a debat, a discourse a challenge with me, the observer, the witness or what you want to call me; the observing spirit of the atma-Brahman, the living. Meditation has its side effect and it is this surge of extra activity in the mental state, all those who enjoy sitting and bringing to a stand still the mind, must become aware of this paradox, that the more you bring your mind to a stand still the move it will want to move. Only constant observation and awareness of what is happening as we go along getting deeper into meditation can we perhaps bring the mind to an absolute silence for eternity; it would be a weird experience to say the least.

Under extreme conditions such as the 'floatation tank' or sensory deprivation experiment has to do with what happens when we are out of touch with our reality and in this case absolutely free from physical sensations. How does the human mind react to being held in a void an emptiness of space. When the mind has nothing to attach to from the external physical state what happens to it? The first thing that happens is fear, being deprived of external formations and sensory contacts is like running out of  air to breath. The fear leads to panic and the struggle to survive, the need for identification becomes crucial, a matter of life and death; dropping  into a Black Hole of consciousness can be unnerving, it is like the early stages of getting a heart attack or a stroke. This is when one prays to the deities of one's choice in life for deliverance.


This is where I find my deep study and understanding of my breathing techniques helps a great deal; it is all in the breath.
"Life is like a swinging door, 
You breath in, it swings in,
You breath out, it swings out,
You stop breathing, you are dead."
Can't remember where I got this from, perhaps the Zen Koans of the Blue Cliff Records.

One of the tricks employed by Zen students to bring the mind to a stand still is to hold your breath for as long as you can.This effort will help the bring the mind to a halt and puts it on a life saving mode or at the very least it will help for the mind to change the dominating subject like changing the channel on the Astro TV. The chances of ridding the mind all together is remotely possible but the mind is an essential past of our human consciousness and can be the most powerful tool in any given situation, so why does one needs to annihilate t all together? It is the presence of the mind and mental states that reminds us that we are alive. 

Hence forms and emptiness are relative and coexist as one is never without the other, form is emptiness and emptiness if form. Meditation and  few other disciplines that involves the understanding of body and mind from inside out, is a crucial tool for keeping an ongoing awareness of the workings of the human consciousness as a whole and this especially includes the inner workings of the subconscious mind. Even as I am writing this down I am allowing for my mind to express itself as most of what is said here is purely the mind talking its mind off. If you cannot stop it, play with it, dance with it make it think as much as it wants until it can think no more- what else to write? What else to think? Who is asking  and who is making this observation? 
to be Contd. -maybe.
  


   

Has dog Buddha nature?

As I remove every single piece of mask I have worn throughout my life, as i look closely at what is happening within and without of me, I realize for myself that I am most of my life is at the mercy of my incorrigible and whimsical often corrupted mind; perhaps much more so today than ever. I am a manifestation of my egotistical monkey mind that is still thinking ."I am the Monkey God!" I am. Hanuman the Servant of Lord Ram, I am the teetering along on a very thin ice making myself believe that it is all predestined, that i am merely playing my small role in this cosmic presentation of who is who in the eyes of you know Who! I am all of these and then some, at least this is what the mind has projected for itself at the present moment and it calls it, being awakened.

The masks i wore and the one I am wearing at the moment defines who I am in that dimension, that moment is space and time, I am as the mask defines me to be in the perception of others' consciousness when they enter my dimension or our personal dimension collides and overlaps until it becomes a complete whole, this interbeing of souls becomes manifested. It is now, it is manifesting every single moment of time itself  in the here and now. This is what creates the mask i wear, a reflection of who I am in the mirror of time and space. I am Leela, I am Maya, I am the ever existing Tao, I am a manifestation of the Cosmic Symbol- the Yin and Yang that pervades all of the Cosmos and all of the Inner Being ; I am That...I am. In the words of the Tao Te Ching, " He who knows does not speak and he who speaks does not know," I have over expressed my ignorance.

" A line is cast in the Rapids.
And the Greedy is caught.
As soon as your mouth opens,
Your life is lost."
From the Blue Cliff Records.

Then, all the useless knowledge you have diligently learned till now is thrown away. As a fruit ripening in season, your internality and externality spontaneously become one. As with a mute man who had had a dream, you know it for sure and yet cannot say it. Indeed your ego-shell suddenly is crushed, you can shake heaven and earth. Just as with getting ahold of a great sword of a general, when you meet Buddha you will kill Buddha. A master of Zen? You will kill him, too. As you stand on the brink of life and death, you are absolutely free. You can enter any world as if it were your own playground. How do you concentrate on this Mu? Pour every ounce of your entire energy into it and do not give up, then a torch of truth will illuminate the entire universe.
The Mumonkan.
Presented by the Wanderling - Comments on Mumonkan.

The End is having arrived at..

If you listen to best of the call for prayer or the Azan, it will move you  even if you are not a Muslim. It is as awesome as it can get in the spiritual practices religious or otherwise and for the simple call for the faithful to perform their daily prayer or solats five times a day beginning with the fajr or the dawn prayer, I am beginning to feel the vibes of the essence of what is Islam as i listen more and more to the verses as read by a fe of the world's most beautiful voices and being on You Tube you can at the same time follow in translation of what you are listening to but off course if it is what you enjoy doing like listening to Tibetan chants or Hindu 

Mantras poojas, or Buddhist chants at a Zen Temple try listening to the verses from the Quran too. It might not make you a Muslim, but it might open your senses towards a whole new dimension of what is out there or in here . An awesome voice of the Muezzin as he calls out to the universe to perform the obligation to the All Mighty of your daily solat can move your being in more than one way; it touches the deepest part of your heart, your soul. Or it can just be an obnoxious noise  especially the fajr call shakes you out of bed every morning at the wee hours; it depends on who is listening off course. In Penang where there is  more non Muslims that Muslims living in close quarters, one wonders what the other feels about it. 

I am just sharing my latest indulgent into my spiritual practice which is the discovery of a true moment of prayer and being in touch with your divine nature, or your original state of being before all is; who am I before my parents conceived me. Of late my journey has led me a full circle; I am a Muslim and will do all i can to become worthy as one. For most of my life i have doubts and i was driven by anger to refuse God, but I started my search for Him through living my life to the fullest in all its sense sometimes without fear or shame for no apparent reason but simply out of to drive myself away from my Lord; there is no God, only Allah, No God only Allah. and Mohammad is His messenger. Holding this with true unflinching faith after all said and done, makes you a MUslim...it must come your inner 'self' deep from the inner sanctum of your heart where the Holy of Holies reside; it must come from- You. I whispered this into Karim's ears when he was handed to me after they had cut his umbilical chord and my wife though exhausted had the look of relieve and satisfaction; my wife needed a baby in her life in order for her to go through her healing process as a woman. The birth of our son transformed our lives, we became parents.

Nancy and I made a vow from then on that we live for the children, that their welfare comes first and we would make every effort make it work between us, our lives as individuals with personal dreams and hang ups are over. At least i had kept repeating this mantra to myself all the years married to my wife; you have to keep it together Bahari no matter what, bite the bullets and take the next step forward; raising our two children over the years in San Francisco, where they were both born, then to Sendai, Japan where they enter their preschool years and last in Malaysia where we lost our, Nancy; she died in The US, in a Nursing Home, in Illinois.

I am relating this event or episode in  from my past because I enjoy looking back at my past, where i made it and where i failed, where I was serious or when i was stupid. I try to spare the stupidities as it does not serve any purpose other than to brag that I was indeed bad, I don't need to remind myself anymore but i like to share the more charming and positive light of the experiences; turning the negative into positive. I write primarily to help make sense of what was and has been, I enjoy exploring deeper into my mind and its capabilities other than being obnoxious all the time. Yes it all boils down to knowing how my mind functions and how my body reacts, to bring into alignment both mind and body, (Yoga) and how to become absorbed into the Divine through faith alone; that there is no God, only Allah and Muhammad is His messenger.

 

   

Wall! Karim is born!- The Bountiful.

 I have just driven  from one end of Georgetown to another after picking up my son Karim from his apartment in the Jelutong area at the end of Perak lane and dropping him off at Gurney Plaza where he is currently working. He is twenty seven and refuses to take a driver's license nor a motorcycle, he would rather walk take a bus or ride a bicycle, so dad drives. I look at it as a blessing as it gets me out of this apartment for a good reason and keeps in touch with my son to a certain extent enjoying his taste for music that gives me an added migraine to that i already have and listening to his   work stories at which he is doing great. I can now breath easy where Katrim's future is concern, at least career wise and his look at life. Nothing is a big hurry for him except getting to work on time.
the 
Both Karim and Marissa were born in the Bay Area of the City of San Francisco, California. Karim was born at the Davies Medical Center at the North Tower I believe where the panoramic view of the whole Bay Area and Downtown SF was laid out before us as my wife and I sat waiting for Karim to start kicking his way out. There was a Jacuzzi in the bathroom and a large Plasma TV screen on the wall showing the Red Sox against Giants game or something. I had my flute with me and when all is quiet  would squeeze out a few songs to keep my nerves from spilling out; my wife was going to have a baby after all! A loud sound system was attached to monitor the baby's heartbeat and sometimes it sound like a thousand horses were  released from the racing gate of some race course and the sound growing louder and louder till it arrives at a point and begins to slow down getting soft and softer and coming almost to a halt and then it starts all over again. 

My late wife was the most beautiful pregnant woman I have ever met! She just blooms out in all directions as radiant as can be and was the envy of many who saw her, men and women. Yes, when my wife was pregnant i felt ten feet tall! I had the feeling that she too was very happy to be all fat and sassy, showing off as she struts  down hill from Haight Street on to Market Street where she taught at the city branch of Berkeley School in her blood red long skirt and her long blond hair flying wild, all pregnant and full of  life. Yes I would tell myself as I watch her go to her ESL classes, "There goes Nancy Fancy, my wife!" Having lived more than seven years of her life in Japan, Nancy walked twice as fast as any average American woman, pregnant or otherwise.  

I was never more in awe of a mother ( a woman) until I sat supporting my wife as she pushed my son out of her belly all screaming and hollering like ten mules being roasted alive; my God how they could bear the pain of childbirth! Millimeter upon millimeter of the top of the skull beginning to appear as she pushed with every breath screaming her soul out; it should be made mandatory that every husband should watch the birth of his child. It was having experienced this phenomena that i felt not only love but also a sense of  spiritual reverence for my wife and silently vowed to remain true to her in sickness and in health, but in the end i failed. my wife died after four years of suffering in a nursing home and i was not able to be with her even for a day. 
Such Is! Such Is!

My Way.

After twenty four years of living abroad my family and I returned to the East Coast of Kuala Terengganu, where my late wife was offered a teaching job at a local college,  Kolej Agama Sultan Zainal Abidin (KUSZA). This was in 1998 where we had arrived from Sendai, Japan ater having spent three years there where both of us were teaching and our two young children were attending preschool. It was in more than one way an ideal life for all of usexcept I was not fitting in too well as i had a hard time time learning the language and my children were dropping their English and adopting Japanese instead. My wife was more on the road all over japan teaching than being at home and i was stuck with the kids whom I was loosing touch with as I had a hard time understanding them. So I decided to move the family back to Malaysia thinking that it would be easier on all of us with my family being there to help us out. It was the biggest error i made and still regret having made it.
I had put my family through hell when I chose to settle down in Terengganu as they were fishes out of water after being relocated in a cultural and religiously hostile environment. It was naive of me to have thought that my family would be accepted with open arms by my siblings, relatives and so called friends. My wife was bullied and exploited by her employers while my children were treated like pariahs at their school. They fell victims to cultural and religious bigotry and I was trapped in between two shores of leaving or hanging in there. I hung in there and despite all the pressures kept my family afloat but the toll was exacted on my wife who fell ill perhaps from too much anxieties and pressures; she succumbed to what was later diagnosed in the United States as Alzheimer's and in her case, rapid dementia. My wife passed away in a small town of Waterloo, Illinois, in a hospice home.
I was not there for her in all her years of suffering from the illness and she was cared by her mother and brother. I was struggling to keep my two children in school here in Malaysia. Initially I had my two children accompanied their mother to the United States as i was not allowed to follow due to the 911 incident where travelling to the US was highly restricted especially from a Muslim country. I had the intention of following them as soon as i could but within a month my mother in law decided that she could not cope with all three of my family and sent my children back to Malaysia. I decided to raise my children in Penang when they returned with the idea that they would not face the same bullying and prejudice as they did in Terengganu. 
Today both my children have grown up into strong and intelligent adults holding good jobs and well respected by their peers. My gamble with life has perhaps paid off in the long run as far as my children are concern. They still carry with the scars and bruises afflicted by the circumstances that life had thrown at them, but they had survived and had their mother been alive today she would have been proud of them. I must admit that i was not and perhaps still am not a good father figure to my children, but i did all i could and then some.  
It was while going through with having to face the pressures of raising two angry kids on my own that i had decided to look deeper into myself and discover who i truly amd and what I am capable of. As an artist i had placed myself among the who is who of the local Penang art scene by having a few solo exhibitions, as a Blogger i have made over 2000 entries over the years and have over half a million hits to my Blog thus far. I am more or less a happier person and am growing old with a little sense of satisfaction that i too have done it my way. my way may not be the best, but it got me here.

  

Land of the Free, Home of the brave.

Woke up from the sofa with a start and could not tell if it was Sunday or Monday, morning or eening as it is dark outside and the clock says it is 5;30 Monday the 19th. Picked up the phone and saw a message from my daughter to call her back and I did, she  was still in bed. So i decided to take a shower and sat on the sofa facing the computer and the call to prayer came almost immediately from the State Mosque a distance away below me. I had to listen very carefully through the whole prayer to verify whether it was two or three rakats that was performed. Two means it is the Fajr or morning prayer and three means it is the Maghrib or evening prayer, it was two and so it is early in the morning. So i prayed after taking my wudu or purifying wash and now am still in a daze as to what is going on.

It is a pleasant feeling none the less and hoping the sun would rise soon just to confirm that I am okay and not dead and still in limbo or something, would be nice if I am! I must have fallen asleep on the sofa all night long and if so what a sleep it was as if I was dead, not a single dream thati can remember; nice! No aches and pains from curling up on the sofa either, it is as though I was drugged. It is the most baffling feeling yet that i have ever experienced waking up and thank God there is a streak of light in the sky outside my window; I am still alive, too bad! Oh well only have to look forward to another day and expect the unexpected and welcome the inevitable. If this is any indication of too much 'sitting' meditation and contemplation, it is nice to be in a limbo once in a while.
I miss my camera, I miss my daughter and I miss my cat and now i miss my earphones! My god all these things that i would miss if i am truly dead! Funny the thought of missing my sons has not occurred to me, perhaps my subconscious is telling me that i should stop missing those who don't miss me in this life; it is a thankless if not futile feeling and redundant to the already overloaded mind.

 On Face Book my friend Diane Rabinowitz posted an article of the rise of the youth of America against the ownership of guns in America and i commented to the fact that hey can start by genuinely apologizing to the Native Americans whose forefathers were practically wiped out by the law of the guns. Karam sucks and now it has come to bite at you with a vengeance. But who cares about such cosmic retaliations and retributions anymore, "the History books tells it and they tells it so well, The cavalry charge and the Indians fell, the cavalry charge, the Indians died. Oh the country was young then, with God on its side." as Bob Dylan sang in one of his balad. What goes around will come around and it is not a cliche, it is Karmic.

Perhaps the collective consciousness of the youth in the United States can help to heal the fractures caused by the wanton shootings all over the country by deranged and unscrupulous individuals. This is an epidemic that is fast becoming toxic and needs to be seriously curbed in the bud if it is not already too late. What would it take for the gun lovers and those who live in constant paranoia of being attacked to give up their weapons and live a free life; freedom from a self imposed tyranny without fear? To truly live "in the land of the free and home of the brave?"

Kota Bharu 14th. March 2018

I am making this entry while eating my breakfast of friend rice and fried fish crackers or fritters, locally known as keropok ikan which was prepared by Fadliy’d wife, Ayu. No one home or so it seems and so I am left to my devices I have woken up and performed my Fajr or subuh prayer of two rakaats or prostrations and whispered to my Lord for my redemptions and my gratefulness on my second and last sujud or prostration as I was informed earlier in my life that this is the best time and moment to have a good chat with The Lord of Mercy. I never miss to ask for forgiveness for my sins of the past present and future while also expressing my gratitude for having been blessed with His Infinite Compassion in seeing me through my difficult times as well as my good times. I also ask for His protection against and taking refuge from such thing as falling from His grace and incurring His wrath, from my own egotistical tendencies and His ‘Tests’ of my faith in Him. When I felt like it was okay to do so time wise, as I was of the understanding that one should not stretch too long at this posture while in prayer. I would also ask that all my children wherever they are and in whatever situation they may find themselves in, that they be in His Guided Mercy.

The dawn prayer is usually followed by a short sitting meditation or Zazen which often ends up into an inner contemplation of events occurred the night or day before and sometimes a personal dialogue with my Maker, asking why and why not. This is followed by about an hours worth of Yoga like stretching exercises beginning from the seated position and ending with a stand up to a ‘Suria Namaskar or salutations to the sun, a Hatha Yoga series of exercises and if I am at home I would work t in front of the mirror with dumbbells and followed by my bamboo staff. Yes, I do this almost every morning as much as I could and am not just writing to impress myself or anyone else for that matter; it helps to start the day. 

I was at the hospital yesterday evening during the visiting hours and found her alone as her two children had left to find a cheap hotel and also to do their laundry and catch up with some rest. I sat with my niece and had a good chat while also feeding her the medication and later her dinner. I spent almost two hours listening and answering her questions about the mundane stories of my life but I could see that she was happy my being by her side. She broke down and cried when she mentioned about her youngest daughter and I felt for her anguish at having to go through such a painful event in her life; she is 43. She informed me that in the last four days of her being at the ward five people had passed away and two in the bed next to her; not good!

The only thing that was being done to her it seems was the drawing of her blood about six times a day until they could not find w here to draw it from after so many piercing. After prodding an attending nurse we were told that her CAT scan would be done on the 20^th. Of the month which means that she has to wait for another week before any significant thing would be carried out as far as her healing is concern. Where do I even begin to scream at the inefficiency of the manner in which the hospital is managed. Should I begin with how bad the mosquito infestation is or the inattentiveness of the staff to the needs of the patients? How about the security guards who are apt to be more rude and aggressive than their counterparts guarding the bank?

 “No you cannot go in , the doctor is with the patient now!”  

“Yeah? But I am the one who is going to care for the patient she is my wife, I should know what the doctor has to say, knowing this I can better care for her. My wife is not going to tell me if she has cancer or very ill or what is truly wrong with her.”

I cannot start and will refrain from making my comments. Suffice to say, keep a healthy life and avoid being hospitalized at all cost.

To be contd.

Visit to Kota Bharu, Kelantan.- 13-3-2018

Kota Bharu, Kelantan is an East Coast state located at the northern most part of the Malay Peninsula bordered between Thailand in the north and the state of Terengganu in the south. It lies along the sea shoreline facing the South China Sea. Kota Bharu, its state capital is a bustling town that has grown over the years but is considered one of the least developed compared to most other states in the country. It is predominantly a Malay state and Islam is most apparently practiced more so than most other states in the country. Kelantan has been governed for decades by the Pan Islamic Party or PAS and as such is an opposition party state often neglected by the Federal Government in its welfare and development. I arrived here by the Perdana Express bus from Georgetown, Penang sometime at 4am. yesterday.

I came here for the purpose of visiting my niece who has been transferred her from the Terengganu General Hospital for a specialist appointed to diagnose her ailment. She is my nephew Mohd. Rafi’s  wife  and the family owns a bakery shop in Kuala Terengganu formerly known as ‘Kedai Roti Israel’ or Israel’s Bakery. The name itself has raised more than a few eyebrows among the predominantly Muslim locals, however it was named after his father whose name was Israel. There are five children altogether in the family and the youngest a girl is about nine of ten. Two of the children are here at the hospital keeping their mother company while she undergoes a medical treatment. Their father is not able to join them as he too is not in the best of health as for twenty odd years he has been suffering from a gangrenous sore on both his legs at the ankle and now it seems to worsen making it most difficult to stay on his feet much less move about.

On top 0f trying to keep the bakery open and managing the children’s welfare at home, my nephew is like a man who has been run through the wringer by the All Mighty Himself for whatever reason. I cannot say that he is being punished for his lack of piety as he is as devoted a Muslim as they come and the good Lord should have no qualms about it. I often wondered why so much suffering being inflicted upon one so pious and my friend Fadly Mubin, at whose home I am presently residing as a guest has the answer. According to Fadly, it is out of Love that the Lord imposed suffering upon His Loved ones as a ‘test’ of will and faith. Almost all the Prophets of ‘The Book’ were made to suffer of one kind or another throughout history. On the other hand He has afforded wealth and creature comfort for those He has issues to deal with for their transgressions. I have a tough time accepting this explanation wholeheartedly, but in more than one way I have t admit it makes some sense, at least spiritually.

Fadly Mubin as I said often enough is the man who instigated me to Blogging since we met and became close friends while my family and I were living in the Gong Badak, area of Kuala Terengganu. He is a multi-talented highly educated and religious man who speaks his mind and we got along fine for many years now. Fadly graduated as a computer engineer from a school in England and he once told me how he was a member of a team of engineers who helped set up the computerized workings of the traffic lights in some parts of London. Back home in Kuala Terengganu, he helped to design the technical aspects of the Planetarium and later also was responsible for the designing of the Observatory for the local University at a place called Merang. These are among his many contributions in and around the town of Kuala Terengganu.

I enjoy Fadly’s company for his genuine concern when talking about anything under the sun and how well versed he is on many subject matter especially when it comes to religion and spirituality. He is level headed and down to earth in character like very few I have met in my life and I confide in him on matters of my most concern especially where my faith lies. He is seldom if ever judgmental about others and sticks to his guns where his thoughts and principles are concerned; he is to me one of those fully awakened. It is my privilege and blessing to have met up with my friend and I consider my mentor on life for over the years I have benefitted much from our friendship

To be Contd.

Approaching the Ultimate in Reality.

To be awaken is simply to be 'aware' of Being as Beingness is the 'real' reality as Deepak Chopra pointed out in one of his talks on You Tube. To be aware of every moment, every thought and every action in time and space of our very existence; this is ultimately what meditation is to me. We disguise this awareness in every form of action and rationalization, we pray, we meditate, we serve or be served. we interact and in our interactions express our feelings and share our dreams and aspirations, our emotions and our preferences; we create ourselves throughout our lives as we live.And when death approaches we create our afterlife as a preparation to face the unknown with better understanding; this is how we evolved to become human from just merely being and the consciousness of Being. 
From the sub atomic particles like the Higgs boson or anti matter that science has recently uncovered, to the furthest extend of the galaxies, the human mind and minds of all creatures in existence has been creating, setting in motion, manifesting and non manifesting our presence   in our environment as we see fit. Our collective consciousness is constantly working for the benefit of the whole or as in some circumstances for its demise accordingly. We are gifted the ability think and our thoughts are the building blocks of our existence whether we acknowledge it or not or whether we are aware of it or not, As individuals we create our own circumstances and we do this for the good of ourselves as well as our family and friends, our society and our nation, we serve the greater good; the whole. It is inherent in us the capacity for the understanding of the inner and outer workings of our minds and how much effect it has over the whole scenario of our existence, however we are also victims of our own ignorance of these understandings and cling on to petty thoughts and grievances, our greed, hate and delusions which acts to stump our ability to move forward more efficiently and rapidly. We see the ephemeral and the trenscient as the reality of our existence, we fail to recognize the greatness of our individual being and much more greater when shared in a collective endeavor.  
In essence we have been allotted this time of our existence on this planet and in this universe to play the divine role of creator, preserver and destroyer, ( procreator). We are not here for no good reason, we have each a role to play in the scheme of things, we are the sub atomic particles that oscillates and vibrates, that sends shockwaves upon shockwaves of energies into space to keep it moving, evolving and generating; this is our creative divine spirit,   this is what we are here for. Only our awareness of this and the capacity to express this awareness into consciousness determines how great or how small we truly are. We are indeed created in the image of our Gods and it is for us to realize what divine role we play as the in the holy trinity of, creator, preserver and destroyer and how we answer to the higher consciousness of the ultimate Being; the Lord of Creation and give Him what Name you may.   

Getting there.

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! 
I am free to be who I am!
I have awakened to the reality that, I am as I is,
I am merely enjoying my stay on this plane figuring out,
I am here in this dimension playing hide and seek with myself
I am sitting on the dock of the bay, just watching the tide roll by,
 I am listening to my song,  'The First Time I saw your face," by Roberta Flack.
'The moon and stars you, were the gifts you gave, to the dark and the endless sky, my love to the dark and the endless sky.'

For years i have been Blogging like this and making it my 'practice' in self discovery or getting to know who or what I am in the scheme of things. I have arrived for now as close as i care to be at being who i am knowing too that this too will pass. What I am relating is what it feels like to achieve one's intention for being alive as close as it gets. To be productive while actually doing nothing but acting out step for step what comes before me. Taking whatever that arises in the here and now and turning it into a creative work of intuitive expression. Expressing myself as  creatively as i enter one episode, one drama, one event, after another. No plans, no preconceived ideas, no reason and no ifs and ands; simply acting accordingly as each case arises..'.eat when I am hungry, sleep when I am sleepy...sit and watch the grass grow.'
The above ancient Zen saying has been with me ever since I read it in one of Alan Watts's book and somehow it got stuck till this day. I guess my interpretation of it suits my own view about life like a lazy man's path to enlightenment. I also used to strongly believe that laziness is not an option for anyone and that to be lazy  is as good as to die before your time. As another Zen saying goes,'A day without work is a day without food.' In the old days work is related to food production rather than money or wealth. Producing just enough to subsist and trade with the left over for other essential goods. The rest of the day is spent on contemplative or meditative living. Getting in tune with nature and the universe, getting in touch with one's true being. Today man has become overly competitive in taking care of number one, we have very little time for inner reflections and we accuse others who refuse to get on board the gravy train as being lazy.  or out of touch with reality.
The miracle of being awakened is nothing to beat the drum about around the village, it is simply realizing that there are certain things in life that is real and others that are mostly illusions and there are fleeting things and more permanent things worth working oneself with. Being awakened simply makes one more aware of the priorities involve in cultivating the virtues in ourselves and how we can utilize our self discovery to aid others ease their ways. An awakened mind becomes like a doctor or a medicine man or shaman in the service of his or her community with not certificates necessary and usually one turn into a village elder where the younger ones can look up to or confide in on matters of the mind and spirit; an awakened mind keeps sanity intact for the community as a whole.
An awakened mind is a mind heading towards self purification or the cleansing of the mind body and spirit from all the accumulated bad habits and lack of self understanding, (control). It is a mind that has become more or less 'selfless' and acts in life for the benefit of others rather than 'self serving.' In servitude the mind becomes more directed towards self healing and complete attention in intention than simply acting on a whim or directionless for no purpose; life becomes purposeless. To me a life of servitude towards the well being of others is more meaningful if not powerful than a life of prayers. In prayers it seems one is more focussed in saving one's own skin from damnation in the afterlife, while in servitude one becomes the true servant to the Lord or the Higher Mind or whatever name one serves; you serve 'His' Creation. You become His vicegerent His Khalifah on this earth while in this life and as such you become less destructive and more creative in nature.
An awakened mind has a long road ahead towards becoming and enlightened mind. An enlightened mind has ceased to exist as a self or and entity; there is no more 'I'-ness. It is a mind absolutely purified and free from fallibility, no more errors, no more views of right or wrong for that matter, gone, gone, gone beyond the concept of right or wrong. Reaching for the other shore; "Always remember, your focus determines your reality." In the words of George Lucas of Star Wars movies.  

Doing nothing is a crime?

All said and done there is only to sit and enjoy what is, just being in this moment and time doing nothing and accomplishing everything. How can this be, you ask. Well go figure it out yourself or simply stop chasing after what is non-sense and start making sense in your life. When the wise ones said nothing is permanent, why do we keep hankering and clinging on to the impermanent? This makes no sense and yet many would kill or be killed over things  that one  cannot take with one to the grave. So blinded by our thirst and desire for the trinkets of this life that we neglect to  foster what is the permanent nature of our very essence as a human being. We have a insatiable appetite, enough is never enough for so long as there is more to be had and when we have we hold  on to, we cling on to even when it was of no use to us anymore. Often ungrateful for what we have we accuse others who has less or in need as not as diligent or inferior in not demanding for more like everyone else.
And so, 'work hard boy, someday you'll a job like mine!' This is how we live out our lives and we pass it on to our children and they theirs. It's a dog eat dog world out there kid,  eat or be eaten, We sow fear into the minds of our young as soon as they are capable of thinking. If you want to drive a car like this you have to earn it, you have to be the best, ahead of the pack, and you have sowed the competitive drive in your child's mind and he/she would stop at nothing to get the car of your dream. As the next generation comes along the competitiveness grows more intense as racial and national boundaries breaks down. 
Oh, what a busy life it has been and it does not get any less as we move along into the future, not to do anything would be a crime against humanity. 
"What do you do for a living?" 
"Nothing."
"Nothing?!"
"Oh, I eat when I am hungry, sleep when I am sleepy and sit and watch the grass grow."
"Arrest this man! He is good for Nothing!"

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."- Edmund Burke 

Evil is the result of man trying hard to do something where nothing is needed done. Our need to do something to prove to others how intelligent or how far superior we are or simply to justify our existence is an illness we suffer without much concern for its repercussions, Ignoring this is evil.  

Does it all work?

 What is it exactly that I want out of life now that I am approaching the end of the line, what would I ask for if my wish would be granted by the 'laws of Abundance', or if I am who i claim to be, 'the master of my thoughts and consciousness', or the one who has attained to self awakening and so forth. If i am sitting before the All Mighty on my prayer mat, all i could ask for is to be forgiven for all my past sins and transgressions, large and minute, seen and unseen, knowingly or otherwise, this is all i could ask for. I have no desire for excessive wealth, never wanted a home for myself even, which may be an error by many human standards. I see no value in competing for fame either as it would only draw unwonted attention to myself and my family and so what can I as if i have wish fulfilling chance to do so? Peace and harmony? The joy of simply being who I am and being able to do as i please when it pleases me? Freedom? Free to come and go, free to say yea or nay, free to step forward or to withdraw, free not having to make any choices whatsoever...free to realize the notion of freedom itself? However I am positive that I would be asked as to who is holding me in bondage, or as the Buddha would say, it is your ignorance that you need to free yourself from.
I spent the evening yesterday at the General Hospital visiting two patients who are related to me, they were both in the Heart care Unit suffering from one kind or another of heart ailments. I was there not too long ago, last month to be exact and spent four days bed ridden contemplating my lot while gaping at the nurses. I was  asking for good health back then which became a priority on my list of wishes naturally. I had a mild stroke and could have passed it off without being admitted to the hospital, but I needed a full medical checkup as i have not had one in years. So I went to the emergency ward and had myself checked in despite the admitting nurse's refusal to do so. They did all needed to be done and i was diagnosed with high blood pressure otherwise fit as a fiddle. I was thankful and decided to watch my body intake and activity with regard to my physical handicap. 
Now that i look back at it, I must say that having a good healthy mind and body would be on top of my list of what i would want, if there is a genea or ultimate supreme entity that can grant what i ask  of. I must say that I have been blessed thus far despite episodes of physical ailments now and then in the course of my life history. Needless to say that having a continuous good health, body mind and even spirit, is paramount on my wish list. Off course there's not much anyone can give or do about it other than myself as I am the master of body, mind and spirit or so i am made to believe by most of what i have learned. What about those that i have not learned or yet to discover? Oh well, wishful thinking? This is basically how the mind jumps about like a monkey not wanting to be pinned down nor having any sense of direction or goal. One just have to keep an eye on it constantly  so as not to loose sight of one's intentions. 
All the entries i have been making on Yoga, Zen meditation, Vipassana practices, praying five times a day, listening to the wise ones like Sadguru, Mooji Baba, Alan Watts, J.Krishnamurti, Deepak Chopra and a host of others cis so you can  have better excess to what i am sharing with whoever is interested in looking deeper into self healing or self discovery. I do not quote them or introduce the ancient teachings in order to show how much I know or how well versed i am, but just to help  my reader get better more concrete teachings. There are numerous others who can light your path if you look into it and here is where the Power of the Law of Attraction works best and that is through your intuition in making your intention heard and making the right choice in fulfilling it. 

"Ten thousand things,
all in this breath,
Grasping hold of emptiness,
there's really nothing to say."
                                             A Chinese hermit.