You Are an Eclectic!!!

Eclecticism was a school of philosophy in Ancient Greece, or so I read one cold winter's day in the foothills of the the Rockies in a small potter's house about one kilometer down hill from Central City, Colorado. It was in the seventies and I was doing my college work which was primarily traveling all over the country and the world seeking knowledge I was a Street Artist; my studies was about how one lives the life of an artist on the street throughout one's ;ife. I called it "The Art of Living" (as an Artist). Along the way  I got myself deeply involved with my darker nature and committed many errors or as they say in plain language; I fucked up many times in just as many ways. You name it chances are I did fucked it up too, that is or was my  load to carry; karma sucks.

I woke up in the middle of the night with the ringing in my ears a voice shouting "You are and Eclectic!" It was the end of a dream of which I have not recollecction. What i remebered was sitting up and searching for my sketch pen and wrote on a small piece of paper the word EKLETIK and fell back to sleep,it was a cold winters night in the Rockies. The next morning i went downstairs to have my breakfeast with my host Mr. Angelo DeBenedetto an elderly Italian gentleman of about his seventies; you can Google him. I told Angelo of my dream and showed him the piece or paper i had written the word EKLEKTIK, Angelo  What does it mean? Angelo started explaining to me what it meant and as I was listening to him but not really hearing what he was saying my eyes were captured by the glow of colorful light around the small antique wood statue of Kuan Yin, The Goddess of Mercy, Kanon, Avalokiteshvara, the Bodhisattva of Compassion. Angelo was quiet and was looking at me strange like and went on to explain how he got the little wooden statuette, as though I had asked him about it.

eclectic

/ɪˈklɛktɪk/

adjective

adjective: eclectic; adjective: Eclectic

1. 1.

   deriving ideas, style, or taste from a broad and diverse range of sources.

   "universities offering an eclectic mix of courses"

   synonyms:

   wide-ranging, wide, broad, broad-ranging, broad-based, extensive, comprehensive, encyclopedic, general, universal, varied, diverse, diversified, catholic, liberal, cross-disciplinary, interdisciplinary, multidisciplinary, all-embracing, non-exclusive, inclusive, indiscriminate, many-sided, multifaceted, multifarious, heterogeneous, miscellaneous, assorted More "they played an eclectic mix of party music" selective, selecting, choosing, picking and choosing; discriminating, discerning, critical "an eclectic approach to teaching the curriculum"

   antonyms:

   narrow, dogmatic

2. 2.

   Philosophy

   denoting or belonging to a class of ancient philosophers who did not belong to or found any recognized school of thought but selected doctrines from various schools of thought.

noun

noun: eclectic; plural noun: eclectics

1.

a person who derives ideas, style, or taste from a broad and diverse range of source
 yes I was called an eclectic yelling at me in my dream loud enough to wake me up and write it down...in Later Angelo took me to meet his friends and fellow artist couple who were potters their house was located along the road in a small town called Black Hawk about a few kilometers downhill from Central City. I was treated as a special guest and offered to borrow a book on the Wisdom of the Ages, The Book of Secrets, a large hardcover book that said in the prologue only 87 copies were printed and i was holding one of them. In it among the colorful original paintings of ancient mysteries and their symbols, printed on rich glossy prints I saw Isis in all her Glory, I saw Krishna in all His Glory and I saw Zeus and Homer, Plato and Apollo, I saw many sects and symbols of man in history. I had the thick and heavy black book with me for a few days while I was staying at Angelo's Studio. I was introduced to Hermetic ism from the book and latter pursued its understanding, the teachings of Thoth- Trimester. My mind feasted upon all the images and symbols through the ages creating episodes and stories abut each, making sense out of nonsense; the Book was God sent.










     

Lao Tzu.

 Am I going insane or am I just slip sliding into the sea of mediocrity at an old age,merely existing till my time is up, at least in this physical form. Am i fulfilling my aspirations, my wishes and desires after all these seventy years almost; or is it all merely an illusion ? Have I squandered my life to being just another entity among billions of entities eating, sleeping and shitting while I am paraded towards my final  resting ground like a heard of cattle headed for the slaughterhouse. Christopher Hitchens is dead and buried after adamantly maintained that there is no such a thing as God, while in Yemen hundreds of thousands have given up their lives in the name of the God they believe. I have my own Jihad to perform and it is in awakening to the Truth of Religion at least one that I feel most spiritually correct. I expect no miracles but surely would welcome any if it helps me to better understand but in essence I cannot declare if there is or there is no God, but my gut feeling says, there is. Gut feelings are the closest feeling one can have towards any unknown, not easily explainable phenomena in life. 

God or whatever you may address it by name,is like the Tao. "The Tao that can be easily explained is not the Tao." Perhaps it would take a little more than our ten percent capability of using our brain, in order to have a better insight into the Nature of the Divine. We have yet to tap into a drop in the ocean of consciousness of our own self understanding; God is the rest of the ocean. I realize that it would take more than human intelligence to crack the nut, it would take more than, having grat insights or consciousness awakenings,   in order that I might catch a glimpse of reality as it is, but I feel int in me that I am not as free a spirit as I think. I have no right to go claiming if there is there is not a God, the Divine is a very personal feeling one can have but cannot be shared. Sharing means you have to justify your feelings and no amount of justification can explain what one feels about God; it is only felt by me. Most religions I find worship the symbol, the Name, the Container, loosing sight of the content, the essence. We make perfect sense preaching but not in practice. 

For as long as my mind is on this subject let me say that the search for God or the Divinity is innate in our human nature as the sciences is more and more revealing that we are a form with a collective consciousness , we may have individual feelings but our thoughts are a part and parcel of the Whole of our species. Hence according to the teachings of the Buddha, ultimately there is no self or as in Islam one achieves 'Fana'... emptiness? Only when one does not exist is God or Allah truly One, not two. In essence it is my understanding that death is the ending of one's material thought of to be a self, I, me mine, this physical form these thoughts and memories these, visions and dreams. Death is the cleansing of the empty mirror that has been what i have come to accept to be me with all its ramifications of such an acceptance. Cleaning my lenses is my way of self purification or spiritual purification while still in this material or physical realm of existence. I am an entity, walking along this path along with my fellow man, I am a soul among souls, breathing in and out, we walk fully conscious of who or what or where we are at this juncture in our lives.

"A Man who justifies, does not convince, not even to himself!"
Lao Tzu.

How to title a Painting?

I presented my friend Lee Khai a few pieces of my almost completed art works and he chose two out of six and advice me to stay with this style for my upcoming solo exhibition which will take place a the Gallery Seni Mutiara or better known as Su Khaw's Gallery, located on Armenian Stree or is it Aceh street? Lee has the eyes and sensitivity for the Fine Art and has been a prominent collector in the Georgetown area. He is also the Chairman of the Penang State Art Gallery; Lee knows Art better than artists themselves. It has been my privilege to have met and became very close to this man to call him my brother., his beautiful wife my sister; the one person I could share my feelings with those that runs deeper than normal. Anne has the gift of a Kind and compassionate listener, like Kuan Yin; my Kuan Yin. Then there was also my friend and fellow artist, Saparel Salleh, an excellent jungle landscape artist with a very keen eyes upon colors of the forest and flowing creeks and streams and exotic sunshine cascading through green fond and leaves larger than life; looking at his works you can tell he spends much of his time in the jungle. I have known him for many years now and this was the first time i ever got close to him; I almost put my fist through his jaw at one time in the past. 

Just before Shaparel walked into the house i was letting it off my chest of how i felt about this guy an d why to Anne and my daughter, I felt lighter immediately as I said hello to him and shook his hand. I seems like all that ranting I did was indeed a 'letting it out of my chest'. The rest of the night went through like a charm for everyone and we had a very relaxing conversation about all the mundane subjects that came to mind and we discussed my works. The dinner was something I haven't had in very long time called Oppo in Indonesian cooked by Lee's maid and her husband who prepared a Western Style stew and had a chocolate cake for desert baked by Anne and slices of ripe mangoes and Chiku fruits to wash the mouth with. All in all I can say that the saying, "Ask and Ye shall be given," is true. I had asked for his help and Lee has again answered me most graciously with dignity and class. This is why I call him my brother; Van Gogh had Theo, I have Lee Khai.

I am writing this as a fond memory of my life and times among these  good Christians and Muslims, my relationship towards others and they towards me, how we gain mutual respects and trusts as time passes if and when we try to accept our limitations and work towards reconciliation like true brothers in life and spirit: I am still learning. I have some twenty paintings to be ready for my show and I have only got two accepted! With friends like these who needs enemies? Ha! For a few hours the pain and suffering of humanity around the world seemed non existent...all an  illusion a fleeting cloud that comes and goes. Illusory as it is the hours spent chatting with Lee and wife and Shaparel and my daughter with an occasional join in by the Indonesian husband and wife was a positive state of illusion. It is a learning as well as healing process that I go through, humanity goes through in the evolution towards basic Right Understanding of Who am I? What is reality? How am I connected to The Whole? 

Tat Tvam Asi - I am that!

Take a cat nap-while they fix your plumbing.

Like a cat,one must learn to take a nap, like a bee one must nkow when to stop and smell the roses; resting is an art worth cultivating especially when one is getting into the seventies club. Find a place and lay down to sleep the physical body into total deep relaxation, letting it all sink into the ground or the void to sound more profound.Watch every muscles and sinews relax from the tightness of holding back tensions especially around the lower back and the shoulders and neck area. The death posture it is called in Hatha Yoga-
"Corpse Pose: The Death at the End of Your Practice. While the most widely used name for this pose is Savasana (Sava is the Sanskrit term for corpse and asana the Sanskrit term for posture), it's also known as Mritasana, or death posture " -Wikipedia.
 
This is the rest that animals like cats adapt to in the course of a day especially after a play or chasing for food, they rest, dogs do it, cows do it you name it they do it; resting. Taking time off to realign the physical body through breathing and letting the gravity do the rest. It is like going to sleep but no quite or even more so, bring the body to consciously shut down; in a blissfull state of  a lightness of being. All you are doing off course is simply resting you body and mind, but I find it by prolonging this practice with bar attention I wake up with more energy and vigor to take on the next action or chores. As an artist i find it most helpful being able to refresh, revitalize and recharge my energy but taking a short cap nap.





  

To Mooji Baba - Namaste andThank You!

Why the need for something to happen,,why do i project an expectation into my future moments, why the wanting to escape this moment where I am at?This my second effort as my first effort was magically wiped out! But it is OK, I have nothing better to do at the moment other than go to bed, I  slept this afternoon. The voice and image of Mooji appeared in my consciousness asking these questions as I sat on the steps of the RECSAM Hall, in Gelugor, this is where one of my best friend's daughter will be getting married tomorrow; I was there just to hang out with the guys, giving some moral support to the father of the bride. 

We smoked a s few joints and drank a little Ketum, to celebrate the occasion among men. I got lost a few times driving home, I found myself not recognizing where I was and  It was quite a challenge to keep myself from pulling off the road to realign myself to where I was but icould not stop and nor could i slow down as I was on main three lane Green Lane Avenue heading towards Scotland Road, I was on track i realized.I watched my loosing its focus on the moment and drifting off ; falling asleep. I had to make an effort to bring my mind to concentrate on the driving. I was not afraid of loosing it, I enjoyed watching it, a part of me was experiencing some new feelings, new  emotions that is more deeper: I can observe my thinking mind! I can step aside  from the busy traffic that the mind is generating from within and without, I am the master of my thoughts and consiousness1! Oh! I forgot to buy the cat food! 

Being awakened can happen in a  split second and will last for a long as keep getting deeper into your practices and it may take more than pure meditation and concentration, at least not the likes of me; I think too much.I am addicted to thinking and my mind is ever ready to accommodate and nothing passes my mind in the day that does not become a subject, a topic a oint to ponder upon at the end of the day.   When you sit and meditate, if you meditate, all these things and happenings and the interaction between the material and corporeal dimensions comes to surface. The mind is kept busy by every single image and event that it has encountered in a single day, every single moment; it becomes a critical observer, analyzing, demanding answers and it turn into an intellectual mind and, scientific mind, it becomes s Spiritual mind, it becomes a Divine Mind; 
No Mind is Divine Mind, 
No Mind is Buddha's Mind, 
No Mind , NO Buddha.

Awakening is moment in time when one stops expecting something to happen next, there is no next! There is only the mere and now, this moment this time and space and all else are fleeting thoughts like clouds appearing and disappearing in and empty sky. Even a flash of lightning can be made to stretch a little longer if one wills it so, try it.So with a moment of awakening, one tries to make it last a little longer each and every time it arises. In the meantime," Eat when you are hungry and sleep when you are sleepy, sit and watch the grass grow!" Do nothing, expect nothing, even the hope to become nothing! If your balls itch, scratch them, don't feel embarrassed about doing  what comes natural and if you need to fart, please don't hold it back! Let it rip and enjoy that release of pressure in the stomach and chest area, nothing is worse than stale air trapped in the belly, it is like having bad or stale Chi floating around looking for the wrong places to get into. That is why after you have settled down to 'Sit' in meditation, the first breath you take is to exhale as forcefully as you can the bad air in you system out, empty the tummy of stale gasses especially when you just woke up after a long sleep. It would help if you take  a few moments to gently massage you belly, make time if you really care for your body put that alarm clock an hour earlier to wake you up. It's the hour you prepare your mind and body to face the day.

There is nothing after this, there is only this! 














 

Read at your own peril.

So, just stop caring, however if you have to care, care to know about who you truly are. Take care of number one as they say in the US. You can take it to mean any which way you like for yourself but it simply means to mind your own 'self'. It is imperative that once you have understood of yourself, of who you are, all else is taken care of. Be;ieve it or not that is what i realized a few moment ago and I thought that it is well worth sharing, yes, ironic this is an act of caring in itself, but how else can i see myself other than through making it manifested in words as a thought , an idea that is worth to think about. I am so into caring about the well being of others, what they feel, what they suffer from, the fate of the world, humanity and not the mention the animals and the environment, it can be very taxing and vexing' so, stop caring(without) start caring (within).

How to remove from the influences and distractions that is manifesting every nano second of my physical existence? What with the Internet and You Tube and all the rest of the sources that is promoting these inexhaustible inputs? How do i create a pause? How do I even delete? How do i silence the mind? How do I become absolutely detached from what I am exposed to? It is said that meditation on 'Bare Attention', is one way towards liberating one's mind from being attached to the external phenomena, perhaps there is a way and all it takes is collecting your mind to an attention of just a single thought in this moment. In this very moment in time I stop and ask myself , who am I? and what is all these? I take a deep breath very slowly and hold it for a few seconds (eight or six counts) then i let it out slowly counting eight or six counts and hold it for another similar count and then I le it out...and I keep this on for as long as I am not forcefully distracted from the exercise, like there is an itch in my crotch or someone calls.

Eckhart Tole in one of his talks or perhaps his book, "The Power of Now', mentioned about creating a space of silence in between your thoughts or perhaps your breath and to find in this silence the connection to the whole  of your being-ness. Your original Buddha Nature, your 'Ruh ul kudus'. The longer your pause becomes the closer you get to become connected to your inner being, this is the essence of meditation on breathing is about. In doing Zazen or sitting meditation, one's attention is on the breathing of in and out, there is nothing in between but just silence. When a thought enters the consciousness, it is simply watched without any form of attachment -with bare attention. It is said in the Diamond Sutra of the Sixth Zen Patriach, Hui Neng that thoughts are like clouds in and empty sky, and Zen Master Dogen,, founder of the Soto Zen school was said to have said that thoughts are like clouds, you know not when they will appear or disappear. I know my thoughts are fleeting and yet any single thought can trigger a lengthy discussion if an when it catches my attention; which never fails to happen. The intention is to be aware and not be attached to these rising thoughts, become a witness with bare attention not supporting nor rejecting, no likes or dislikes. Watch how they came into being, how long they stayed and what makes them disappear.

This is one way I have found for myself the nature of caring for others and how to care for myself. How futile it seems all these while that I was thinking so much about the negativity that is burning around me at all levels and dimensions of my existence and not being able to find any meaningful answers. The question pops up in my mind every now and then, "Is this all there is to it?" "Is this," as Ed Brown, the Zen Teacher in San Francisco once I heard said. "The peak of Mystic Mountain?" As a Muslim, if I can even claim myself as one, I accept wholeheartedly that the All Mighty has His plan and His plan includes each and every dimensions of this existence and what we understood as the Universe. Having any lower perception about my life at this moment is same as regressing into the dark and ignorant state of my past. Caring about myself means to fully understand who I am in relationship to the rest of the 'WHOLE'. With this understanding I feel I might be able to find the Love and Peace I seek, the Forgiveness and Compassion that I hold towards all living creature, towards all of nature and towards even my enemies. 

At the age of seventy I still think like a child of seven.

"Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care."  Don't know who said this but it makes sense.

The lesson in New Zealand -Kiwi is not just a fruit.

The aftermath of the new Zealand shooting was counter to what was expected of the killer and those that condone his actions, it created martyrdom out of those who perished. It is to date another historical blemish in the hist ry of man and his faith, his beliefs and his virtues. One man can create such a havoc all in the name of hatred and ideologies and the res of the Nation if not the world is put on halt with a whole lot of spiritual reflections is thrown into the the already dark days of religions. For those who have lost their loved ones it will remain forever a scar that will forever remain as the most brutal times of their lives and for those who are still reeling from unanswered questions as to why or how and what has become of humanity, the incident is yet another addition. 

Through this act of wanton need to kill those that are of a different color of skin, faith or religion, through the need to fulfill a vision of supremacy and gain recognition in the eyes of like beings, many such similar murders and terrorists acts has become a part of our humanity. What had happened was supposed to have brought cheers and condemnation from the supporters of religious violence and those that abhor such acts. It is hoped and prayed for that his incident would hail in a more tolerant and genuine care from the rest of humanity for religious faith. It is only through patience and perseverance and an indomitable desire to end this cycle of terrorism that humanity must come together and say, "Enough is enough!" It is time for humanity to collectively shout it out that violence and terrorism was buried a long time ago in history as a means to problem solving We have migrated from the Dark Ages a few hundred years ago when we claimed ourselves having achieved an age of Renaissance.

It is indeed sadly mystifying that man is bound and determined to repeat the past especially those ho very wealth and fame depends on the misery of others. The sales of armaments is today one of the largest if not the largest industry in the so called advanced countries. War is a lucrative business! Instead of focusing the advancement of technology to better the world today most technologies are catered towards updating weapons of mass destruction and precision  killings. Instead of creating a loving and caring young adults, we create zombie like soldiers whose only mission in life is to follow orders and to seek and destroy; it has become a worldwide game at who is best at killing. If all the money and human resources spent over war were to have been put into use over caring for the Planet humanity would have less desire for a heaven in the after life, heaven is already here. Ironically religious believe and faith would not be an issue in paradise for is sustainable and provided for, but this is not to be and so what is the solution to this dilemma that plagues humanity and not to mention this very Planet itself?




     

Meditation on Awareness.

An eighty odd year old Chinese, Apek ran into my car hind side just as i crossed the curb going through a green light on Penang Road this morning on my way to sending my daughter to work, thank you that no serious damage was done and the old man was all smiles and apologetic. When I asked him why he started going when the light was still green he said he just couldn't see. I can understand his feelings and took his number to contact if he needs some assistance in paying for the damage on his motorcycle: yes shit happens! My daughter later as we drove away said that's what happens when you think negative thoughts and I was earlier while we passed a Colonial bungalow type government building I was told belonged to the UMNO people from way back when, I started off on why the building should become the site for The Penang Malays Art Gallery. and with this i dragged on all along Hutton lane about my poor relationship with uncle Rashid, yada, yada ...and as we drove the lights ...kaboom! Shit happens to the best of us for all our good intentions and purpose.

An 80 year old Apek, old Chinaman woke me up to the present reality ...and my daughter has a lesson in driving, like what do you do, never say you are sorry, never accuse the other party for any wrong doing, but first address the person, "Are you hurt!, the rest will take care of its own. Do not linger around too long as the crowd will grow and you are lost explaining to ten other guys wearing green vests with their walkie talkies blaring around you, you will end up feeling like a criminal and probably say to yourself,"Where is the trafic cop when I need him?" I have had a few serious auto mobile accidents that could have ended my life, the scars left behind ar w whole lot deeper than the physical trauma and I feel sorry for my old Chinaman friend and thankful at the same time for his gift  towards my spiritual growth ...shit happens! You just have to learn to live with it, expect when most unexpected, the unexpected... in short "Be Prepared", as the old Boys Scout Moto reads, be mindful, be awar. 

Astaghfirullah, Forgive me Lord for my transgressions of the past present and future, forgive this lost soul seeking his way home to You.
Alhamdullilah! Thank You Lord, for the Grace and Blessing you have been giving me,  sheltering me from harm and forgiving even the worst moments of my life; You were always there, this is why I am who I am,  my journey in this lifetime is almost over and I am most grateful and thankful for every moment in time and space that I have experienced it was all with Your Blessings; I am your  servant,  and in this moment in time, while it is raining heavily outside, which we most needed and prayed for, I thank you, Alhamdullilah! The sound of thunder heralds this moment as a witness, here I am before You, my Lord,; I am a lost soul, seeking onlly to return to my Maker and it is with hope that my sharing this moments with my readers, is my way of giving back what I have been blessed with or cursed as an ongoing lesson -Zen and the Art of Living, I used to call it at one time or another...Way of the Cheeseburger Buddha.

In the silence between you can hear the rain approaching from one direction like the sound of a train and the then it passes over and the sound into one complete whole it is like yet another thermostat and slowly it pitters away into another completes silence again...listen to the rythm of the falling rain like you miss it so
much and that you are thank ful for it being here. If  you are fully aware you start to see the rythm of the Universe, the ebbs and flows the push and pull; realm of the dual thinking mind. If  one can quiet the mind even for a single moment, you are on the way becoming an enlightened being. Easier said than done especially if you spend half your days watching and listening to You Tube, people like me has a whole lot of accumulated junk on my back and I simply have to delete as much as possible especially the old files that serves no purpose anymore I got to catch up to my housekeeping chore and clean up as much as I can, have a garage sale for unwanted dramas and dreams, so my practice has been to seek that silence in between and try to prolong it as much as I possibly can; it is called meditation on awareness..

Alan Watts - Shooting an arrow into emptiness.

Alan Watts, the Roshi, the Hippie Zen Master who lived on a Houseboat anchored at the Sausalito slit, perhaps still there, The Embarcadero  or something like that. In the annals of the Western Zen . Allan Watts  is up there among the great teachers of religions and life. Very few can tie the knot of knowledge and wisdom between East and West better then Alan Watts among others. D.T. Suzuki and Sunryu Suzuki Roshi, all the rest of the great teachers that came after are merely walking in their footsteps, like the walking dead following a leader, a teaching a way that has suddenly appeared without thorough investigation as to the meaning behind the meaning and the truth that is being shared; all through the years since when I first stumbled upon one or two of his books, "The Way of Zen" and "This is It!," I was hooked I was then working as a librarian  at the University of Wisconsin at Green Bay,sometime in 1970-80s. I also found Hokusai and his complete mangga, comic books. IN this one corner way in the back there was a reading corner and it was surrounded with the books by J.Krishnamurti, and Osho, and Huxley and books G.I.Guirdjief.and Ouspenske, Yoga texts and the Bhagavad Gita I found the Tao Te Ching and the Lessons from the "Shirt Wearer of the Tribe." 

The discovery I made in this little corner of the library had launched me out into the world traveling as an Art Student from one country to another for the next few semesters. The rewards may come late or never, but the feeling of knowing this to be true is already the beginning of the awakening of the spirit. My spirit took to its wings and spent the next three years in college just traveling where I felt like; it was called Directed Independent Studies, a pioneer program out of the University of Wisconsin, Madison. I was one of the few chosen to do the program from UWGB at the time. The idea was to help students make it out there and give them an extensive experience on being an Artist on the street. It was almost like a tradition when I return to the University from everyone of my trips, everyone I met at the counter windows and their cubicles, I got a 'Wlecome Back Sam!' where di you go this time? Along the corridors, "Hey Sammy! Welcome back man! Staying for long this time?" I touched many lives and they touched mine and most were out of Love and Compassion. Then shit happens too, so you win some and loose some as they say back in Wisconsin.

"The Way of Zen," was instrumental in my creating the name Cheeseburger Buddha, I was reading the book while eating a cheeseburger at Mc Donald's, while wearing the uniform of J&J Security in the sunny sunny winter's day on the East side of Green Bay. Outside the street was covered with snow, brilliant white piled up against the windows. A small voice whispered in my ear, "You are nothing but a Cheeseburger Buddha." This was in the late 70s and early eighties and I was offered a chance to go to college and I accepted and I walked away with a degree in Fine Arts after five years; I enjoyed school life so much that they said I was becoming a permanent student. I graduated with a cum laude, on a self designed program - The University Without Walls,,,my letter of proposal was entitled, "Art in Quest of the Universality. " I could have called it in Search of the One true Lord of Creation or something similar but it might have hit a religious wall, so I settled for this vague and naive vision. I hated education until I became a student at UWGB, Wisconsin. This was where I met Alan Watts through his works.











 

Tribute to Katagiri $RRoshi -Ho JO San.

I try not to hang around too long in one space or time or even energy, my mind will not allow it and I don't mind it; not even in a state of Samadhi or Satori, not that i have any worth mentioning of late. Change keeps the mind active and alive, renewal and rediscovering of one's inner possibilities and potentials are the things that keeps your spirit alive even if they are all fantasies, to have a challenge in life at every level of your existence, to stay the course and keep on trudging towards that is truth, is ultimate reality and this is who you are, life is truly not worth living. To die not knowing some concrete to the question about life, is life wasted. Life has no purpose, until you give it one. 

"What is you original intention, Shamsul, San?" Katagiri Roshi asked me one day while were having tea together at the San Francisco Zen Center. This was during a seen day Sesshin led by Katagiri Soshi. Before i could answer he continued. " Stick to your orginal mind." I bowed low to him and the meeting was over. 

Jikai Dainin Katagiri (片桐 大忍 Katagiri Dainin, January 19, 1928 – March 1, 1990), also known as Hojo-san Katagiri, was a Sōtō Zen roshi and the founding abbot of Minnesota Zen Meditation Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota, where he served from 1972 until his death from cancer in 1990. Before becoming first abbot of the Minnesota Zen Meditation Center, Katagiri had worked at the Zenshuji Soto Zen Mission in Los Angeles and had also been of great service to Shunryu Suzuki at the San Francisco Zen Center, particularly from 1969 until Suzuki's death in 1971. Katagiri was important in helping bring Zen Buddhism from Japan to the United States during its formative years—especially to the American Midwest. He is also the credited author of several books compiled from his talks. 

Ho Jo San told me of his former life as a soldier and we swapped stories back an forth like how I grew up from a swamp where mud skippers make their homes beneath your floor...he enjoyed swapping wild stories about both our homes; he was a friend and a teacher .Only a Buddha knows a Buddha, said the Buddha. Two years has been my limit of stating in one place or one relationship, at a time and that ended when I married my late wife Nancy. Before the everything happened in a cycle of two years more or less so I noticed. I could not hold on to a life for more then two years or so it seemed. I may not know what my original mind or intention is but I know that I am here and now making this post entry, in this space and time, I must say I have enjoyed my ride so far despite all the bumps along the way; if anything I would I would have to say, it would still be to know who I truly am, to discover my own Buddha Nature.



 

Turning lead into gold.

And in the Name of the Most Giving and Merciful...Lord of Creation and Lord of the Here and Now...The Cherisher of Life, the Lord of Power that gives strength and energy for my very existence...astarghfilrula, ...Al Ghafur ur Rahim... the Ultimate Forgiver... in Him I put  my faith and unto Him I surrender my will...what keeps me alive and there is none but Allah hu Akhbar...All Praise be unto Him. Every breath I take and every step I make He is with me closer than my own jugular vein, for His Temple is within me, His breath is what keeps me alive and His Will is that which keeps me going in pursuit of a higher and clearer understanding of what this is al about. This life of almost seventy years that has slipped me by what have I learned? What do I know? How far or how near am I to the truth if there such an idea, again at the very least I hope to get to know me better and what are my potentials and how I can exit this life with my mead held high and not succumb to mediocrity.

The words of one of my teachers form the past once said,

“From the age of 6 I had a mania for drawing the shapes of things. When I was 50 I had published a universe of designs. But all I have done before the the age of 70 is not worth bothering with. At 75 I'll have learned something of the pattern of nature, of animals, of plants, of trees, birds, fish and insects. When I am 80 you will see real progress. At 90 I shall have cut my way deeply into the mystery of life itself. At 100, I shall be a marvelous artist. At 110, everything I create; a dot, a line, will jump to life as never before. To all of you who are going to live as long as I do, I promise to keep my word. I am writing this in my old age. I used to call myself Hokusai, but today I sign my self 'The Old Man Mad About Drawing.”
― Hokusai Katsushika  

One of my favorite quotes that I keep referring to every now and then to remind me that being seventy is just the beginning, life begins at seventy they say...who they? Never mind don't need to know. Katsushika Hokusai died in poverty, perhaps just as Van Gogh had. The other man whose life as an artist that most influence me was my grandfather,  a Singhalese Artist from Sri Lanka who came to Penang to do the murals on the walls and ceiling of the Mahindrama Buddhist Temple, it is still all there for tourists to enjoy. This is the same temple that I grew up as a Buddhist for at least a few childhood years of my life. I was converted to Islam at the age of 12 in the East Coast State of Terengganu. For the next twelve years I lived with my parents and siblings, it was my nightmare as well as a blessing  as I was introduced to being a Muslim and embraced Islam. Hence, I have many rivers to cross, as the song said...and I don't know where to begin ...I'm praying for time...

My life could have been a whole lot worse had I given in to what was expected of me from my family relatives and friend and yes most meant well; I had chosen to break away from that which had threatened to bind me into submission without question. I have made it my practice to make as much sense as I could of what had been, what is and what will be. I strongly believe that my efforts are for a reason not just for myself but all those who stumble upon this Blog and take their time to read with and open mind and a true yearning for knowledge if not wisdom; turning lead into gold.

Minding the mind.= Again.

After years of self observations and inner engineering done, I have come to the conclusion that it was all in understanding of the workings of the human mind as I used to refer to it as Humind. For a long time perhaps still I have used humind @yahoo.com and my first Solo Exhibition upon returning to Georgetown was titled HUMIND and it was sponsored by the Muzeum Gallery Tuanku Fauziah at USM. The venue was at the AMRO-Bank on Beach Street; it was the best show I had in Penang thanks to my friend and Mentor, Hasnul Jamal Saidon who was then the Director of the Gallery,(MGTF). This is how my mind works if /when i write, not all the time but more now than ever before; my mind is an enigma. The laws of probabilities, the laws of possibillities, causalities and  karma itself is of no consequence  where my mind is concern, it simply is obnoxious. 

I am not my mind, my mind is my tool, my instrument my gauge among other things for my existence on this plane, as a human being, a member of the human species, the Homosappien; my mind is that which creates and destroys and preserving of life at the same time, my Matrix. My mind is not me, I am the master of my thoughts and consciousness, it is my birth right to be who or what I choose to be. I do not need a permission to be who I am, I place no man above or below me in status but i reserve my freedom to choose as i see fit in being who I am as non negotiable. Rich or poor wise or a fool, brave or a coward, I am who I am, pain pleasure is just the opposite side of a coin, living and dying is part and parcel of my evolution towards a higher more challenging plane and more exciting less violent and boring; I deserve better for myself.  I have to Love myself better and allow for the ability to be free from taking myself  for granted; I am no ordinary man, my mind is not ordinary mind. I may not be a neuro surgeon or a rocket scientist, a quantum physicist or a mathematician, but I have caught into glimpses of realities that are beyond all these, some calls it transcendent realities. 

The Buddha would have said, "All is as it should be." ...it is all perfect and complete, each moment in time and space is meant to be just so no how you may feel that you have deviated from the original plan, you are part of the original plan. You are to play your role as best you can no matter how tedious and insignificant a life you live or vibrant and full of flavor kind, A carpenter finds satisfaction and joy in carpentering, while a banker loves his easy chair and Mercedes, an artist paints his heart out and the Buddha teaches the Dharma to the world; we all play our part to perfection.
Stop the whining and groaning about the terrible things in life and how unfair it all seems,just enjoy your moment from time to time feel that what you do and who you are matters; you are the Universe, a wise Hindu once said, claim your right and privilege as such, no recourse, no questions asked. No need to keep punishing myself cause someone else says that I am wrong or that I am on the wrong path.

To know the mind it takes more than the mind, it takes the silencing of the mind, it takes what it takes to bring the mind to a standstill where no thoughts whatsoever passes through the consciousness; it takes some form of meditation, some form of practice, like carpentering, fishing or counting other people's money; to get to know the workings of my mind i have experimented throughout my life, I have put to the test of what worse a man can commit and what best he can do to serve humanity or become a good if not perfect man. I am a student of Jedu Krishnamurti's thoughts and ideas about the human mind, it was he who declared that " You are the Universe!"

Just letting it all hang out...

It is not easy to simply overlook at the fact that all over the world humanity is falling apart at the seams albeit due to religious animosity, national and territorial rights or economic squeeze, among others that is plaguing us, not to mention how nature is taking a toll on top of it all. One has to be completely blind, deaf and dumb to be impervious to what is happening to us despite all our so called achievements in the fields of the sciences and technology. It is sad and more so when we see that there is little or no chance of upsetting the balance of the negative state of affairs into a more positive one when all one sees is fuel being added to an already raging flames of hatred and discontentment.It is as though there is end to violence and decadence, chaos and discord among nations as well as neighbors. We are living in denial of these foreboding events of our times.

The killing of Muslims while they were at the mosque praying the Friday prayer in Christchurch, New Zealand and followed by the attack on Muslims in India where over 600 homes were destroyed are but the latest among the tragedies that is playing itself out as part of our human history, which will go down as the dark days for mankind. The spread of chaos and discontentment among nations and religious is denominations is rife as everyone is up in arms to claim their rights and privileges  often at the expense of others who are seen as the cause of their problems, there is no compromising nor tolerance as each claim for  rights and superiority. As I have often said human lives is valued at the cost of a bullet and everyone is out to defend their cause albeit, democracy or religion, a system or simply an idea. It seems we are at our worse with the advent of the Internet that should by right bring us closer together towards understanding and working closer together in settling any and all our disputes like civilized people.

I feel deeply disturbed by so much suffering that is being wrought by man against man and as an artist i find it hard to create what it is that i want to share with those who view my works. I had always wanted to express what is serene and peaceful, such that when viewed my works could evoke cool comfort to the soul, an expression that can calm the human mind and spirit rather than evoke more disturbing and torturous feelings of animosity and pain. I feel like I am in the dark night of my soul looking for answers and wondering what can I do as an artist to help heal those around me. I feel like I am loosing my own sanity thinking so much of what has become of this planet I am leaving behind in the not too distant future; what legacy can I leave behind me for my children and theirs.

As it is, it is the children who are out on the streets carrying placards, decrying the state of the Planet as the climate change becomes more and more a reality. It is their voice that is loudest from all around the Globe demanding that their parents become more serious over what is happening around us. What is happening to those of us who are still alive after all these years having lived and benefited from what the planet had to offer us. Why are we leaving it up to the children to do our battle for us in cleaning up after the mess we leave behind?  At my age i wish I have the time and strength yet to do my little bit for the sake of at the very least in cleaning up the garbage that is being washed ashore along some coastal areas as i have done before while living on the East Coast of the Malay Peninsular. Most of our garbage will end up in the sea and washed up by the tides especially during the monsoon season along the South China Sea. At the end of the monsoon one finds heaps of garbage washed ashore from God knows where and it was the best time to do some house cleaning there. This is where school children should be put to task in collecting these trash as it would wake them up to the reality of an environmental consciousness.

to be contd.




  







 








 



 






   

 

Wedding in Islam should be moderate.

One of my cousins had a wedding held for his daughter and it was held at a "Wedding Center" at InCity Shopping Complex. was it? Anyway there were five weddings happening at The lifts were kept busy and on one of my trips going up to the third floor A gentleman all dressed like and Ustaz walked in and started fiddling with the buttons. He never even casted an eye at me and so I said when the doors shut," The Prophet of Allah said that even a simple smile is a gift. Assalamualaikum .He looked at me and took my hands into his and by then the lift stopped and we both walked out. Later at the "Angkat Nikah" ceremony where the bride and bridegroom tie their knots, I noticed that the Ustaz in the elevator was also the Khadi. After the ceremony as he was walking away I stopped him and apologized, he smiled we meet again! he said.. 

I once listened to a rant from a Malay Ustaz Imam on You Tube all about all these fanfare and dowries stuff is against Islam, Nothing written in the Quran or Hadith, all these big feasts and having fun is not Islamic. This guy was spitting brimstone and fire about it. Wow! I thought to myself there goes Salleh's Catering business, my cousin will suffer another mild stroke, if the Malays were to all in all makes it a Fatwa that no more extravagant weddings are to be held...hmm. I think weddings and funerals are two of the most quality times that Muslims should celebrate other than the Major events like the Ramadan ; they bring the community together whether to celebrate or commemorate. I love going to weddings especially Malay weddings, not only because of the food, but also to be gawking at lovely ladies in their best dress.  Perhaps herein lies the problem as to why big weddings should be declared, Haram!

It would be a sad day indeed if it comes to pass that the Religious Department issues a fatwa that limits weddings to the bare essentials like the days of the Prophet (PBUH) and the predominantly  Desert Bedouin. It would mean allot of jobs being put out of business, I once asked my friend Ah Huat, the Auto Air condition Mechanic, why do the Chinese burn paper money for their ancestors. He said although it is really meaningless and a waste, it helps to keep allot of people employed. Anyway no wedding can match that of the former Prime Minister's daughter to a Kazakhstan man, I never found out what status he had but the wedding was very extravagant all around. Perhaps another reason why Islam would prohibit big weddings. 

 

    

Another Journey in the making.

When you are paying the rent for your apartment that is more than the monthly salary of the security guard  of the complex, you deserve a peace of mind where your living quarters is concern. But not where I am at,  Living at the top most floor of the 12 story building my daughter and I had to deal with a leaky water tank at the top most level of the building which causes the paint job on ceiling of our apartment to start flaking and drop on to the living room floor including all the table, couch and TV area and so forth. It ends up I had to sweep the floor five or six time a day just to be able to walk to our bedrooms without too much chalky paint material sticking at the bottom of our feet. This is the second time that this happens as it also happened for a few months last year.I must say it sucks but I made it my practice not to loose my cool and handled it while it lasted with a sense of patience and acceptance. It is not fair for my daughter to have to deal with this while the landloard just left for a vacation in Japan.

It is time for me however to take my leave of this place and seek God on the road again, at 70 it will be a challenge no doubt but it ia what makes me happy most, the freedom to be myself again not having to care for or answer to anyone other than me. My daughter is somewhat pretty stable no, with a great job and a beautiful apartment and a cat; leaving her now will not be a big worry. My son too is doing very well at his job and so not much to worry there too, yes I have been a worry wart these past few years over my children' well being and I think I have done more than enough and before It becomes too much for all concern, it is a great time to see the what else life has in store for me. I feel quite well physically and if I take it slow and easy i might be able to cover some distance and seek out some new places. 

I will carrying some art materials with me to do some sketching and water colors along the way, I hope it will be like the old days. I will try to keep this Blog running if and when I can find an excess to Internet. I hope everyone who knows me will accept my decision to be a wanderer as I have always been most of my life in the past, it is my way of staying active and alive, Heavens forbid if i meet my end on the road, so be it, I completely am ready to accept whatever the circumstances may be. Life is not worth living if one has no dream to fulfill and merely exist just to occupy space and one's feet nailed to the floor. It is even worse when you are being judged for being less than who you are and you are not pulling your weight, by your own children; it means you have dallied too long in one place. You have become a familiar character and as the saying goes, familiarity breeds contempt. Before  I become comfortably dependent upon this arrangement of my present state of being, it is best for me to make myself scarce and go for broke on this perhaps my last journey of self discovery...Who am I...truly.  

"When man can “wish without worrying,” every desire will be instantly fulfilled...fear must be erased from the consciousness. It is man’s only enemy – fear of lack, fear of failure, fear of sickness, fear of loss and a feeling of insecurity on some plane -
we must substitute faith for fear, for fear is only inverted faith; it is faith in evil instead of good. The object of the game of life is to see clearly one’s good and to obliterate all mental pictures of evil. This must be done by impressing the subconscious mind with a realization of good. "= Florence Scovel Shinn.

'Wish You Were Here."- a Tribute.

As I listen to Pink Floyd's"Wish you were Here" for the countless time, the music still trans port into s sublime sense of feeling, almost spiritual, it is like listening to cry of my soul in anguish and ecstasy both at the same time. The first time I listened to the album i had just arrived back from a trip to the South West states of  New Mexico, Arizona and Colorado to the University of Wisconsin at Green Bay. It was at the,  students apartments where three Thai foreign students were staying at together. I was so tired and beaten after the long drive through all three states in what was a 1965 Chevy Impala that all smashed up on the passenger side from a freak accident while I was driving on Highway 666 between Galkup and Durango in the dead od night headed for Denver, Colorado. I had laid down on their living room floor with large earphones lugged to my ears and my head spinning gently from a few shots od Brandy, I was introduced to Pink Floyd and I passed out while the music still went on in my head.

A Few years later when I returned to Malaysia doing the same school projects during my final semester sometime in 1979-80, I was able to visit my twin brother in Kucing, Sarawak on the Island of Borneo, The first thing he did was to play his recently purchased album of "Wish You Were Here", for my benefit. I smiled to myself within me and enjoyed the music while playing around with his daughter on the carpet floor; my twin and I rarely gets along and so moments like these were special.for me at least. Some music have a life of their own that can carry one along for a very long time; like a good Jake's Pizza on Main Street Downtown Green Bay, the taste never left your consciousness. What were the chances that my twin brother would have chosen this same particular album when in our entire life we had never sit and share any good music in the same room together. It is said that music can transport one to greater heights of ecstasy or even spiritual rapture; this album always does it for me. 

 

Which you prefer- Oak or Bamboo

"Remember the growth of a believer is not like a mushroom - but like an oak, which increases slowly indeed - but surely. Many suns, showers and frost pass upon it before it comes to perfection And in winter when it seems to be dead - it is gathering strength at the roost. Be humble, watchful and diligent in the means and endeavor to look through it all and fixed your eyes upon the Lord of Creation and all shall be well." - John Newton.

Someone posted the above quote on Face Book and I though it seems to hit a chord in me and so i am reflecting upon it to see how far or how near i am in keeping my original intention in focus. I must admit the the past few weeks has been sluggish as far getting much done that is worth mentioning and the living environment is again not so conducive for any deep contemplation or meditation; the ceiling is flaking off like snow due to a leak in the water tank above me. So I am kept busy sweeping and dusting and a little worried about my health having to breath the dust, but it is all taken care of by the Landlord although it takes time. I also have not been physically active and spend most of my time on the PC entertaining Face Book friends, people i hardly know but got to know better after all the postings back and forth. I enjoy getting a little involved with what is going on around me just to keep my mind a little occupied with the day to day activities of life out there. I realize that i cannot stay in my self made cave detached from the world and humanity.  

I spend many hours listening to talks and debates on the You Tube especially on the subject of Spirituality, Science and Religion, it is like listening to college lectures; the beauty of the Internet. When I am really bogged down I would watch a movie or two, God I can sit and watch movies all day if i want to, but i choose to read novels as i also enjoy reading, and then there is Furby, the cat who thinks I am her servant and closest friend, but she keeps me company even as I am writing this down. The little things in life that we do to keep our mind occupied rather than allow it to wander off thinking of unhealthy thoughts or simply fall half asleep in a stupor allowing for depression to creep in. It is these minor day to day vexations that one has to be very mindful of in order to stay on course while on this journey, they can rob you of your accumulated achievements or make for regression.

There is always room to educate and revitalize the mind through further studies and deeper observations of one's day to day life while at the same time maintaining one;s course of action and activities giving it your utmost attention and best effort, The most vexing and taxing venture in living is in dealing with other humans regardless of who the are, the closer they are related to you, the harder. The sense of responsibility and commitment towards my daughter has kept me gong on in this my present moment, keeping myself in the confines of this apartment. There is not much to complain really in as far as comfort is concern, it is very quiet being on the top most floor with only one neighbor next door who is hardly around and when home keeps herself locked up. My daughter works most of the day and so i have the whole place to myself, and what  more can I ask for. However i fell the yearn to wander again, to travel the county like I did in the past. my strength and if I may I say, wisdom comes from meeting great mind and while experiencing hardships and awakening experiences while on the road. I have much yet to learn I feel inside me of what the road and the path has to offer in as far as my inner development and spiritual growth is concern.  BUt I do feel an inner sense of peace and tranquility like when in the middle of a hurricane.

Yes I have to be like the oak tree and brave the weather and accept my timely growth in inner and outer being, especially in the dead of winter when everything is in a chill factor I have to keep alive and growing. I have to keep  watchful eye on my progress and digress as life happens and act accordingly.for my own health and well being. 

"Solitude for me is a fount of healing which makes my life worth living. Talking is often a torment for me and I need many days of silence to recover from the futility of words." - C.Jung.

If you do not believe-does it hurt God?

Does God exist and till this day the great minds of the intellectual and religious, the scientific and philosophical are hard at it ,each trying to out proof the other. The likes of the late Christopher Hitchen is most probably right now still adamant of his atheistic stand making his justification before whatever that he is experiencing and off course he is not convincing, not to anything nor to himself either. When you have spent just about half your life justifying something, you end up with not being convinced whether you are right or wrong. To be truly committed to your belief or faith or whatever standing you have, you need not justify once you start to justify it means you are not positive yourself of what it is that you stand for anymore.Atheist like Hitchen, Dawkins. and a host other scientific minded nonbelievers who appear on You Tube videos giving their spill about their take on religion often sounds knowledgeable and fluent about what they talk about. They can kill an opponent point for point and this is simply because of repetition. When you have been doing something often enough you are bound to become good at it and gets better all the time. Sometimes they quote themselves word for word from one talk to another like they have ran out of ideas and the audience if they had been following these individuals often enough would recoil at the tedium of it all; oh no! not this same old line of argument again! Off curse the latest usage of the same ideas has become perfected in their delivery that will send the audience applauding to the ceiling; it is all showmanship when all is said and debated.

God has no problem whether you believe in His existence or not, does He? Do you think it would bother the All Seeing Omnipotent, Lord of Creation if you decide that he does not exist when the rest of the billions have some faith in Him in one form or another. And what have you got to loose if you harbor some small sense of humility and acknowledge that there is by chance a Being greater than life that you can turn to when all else is not functioning accordingly. As a Muslim, I always as often as I can remember, to ask my Lord to protect me against my own ego, my own desires, my own ignorance and so forth. Perhaps He listens and comply, perhaps He is too busy elsewhere, but I know for sure that on my own I could not have survived these seventy years without taking my own life or worse; taking the life of another. As a Buddhist practitioner, I would like to abide by the laws of Karma, that I reap what i sow and keep evolving till I learn better and overcome all my karmic consequences and attain self liberation. I do not see anything right or wrong in how I choose my path towards my own salvation, whatever that entails, I believe in an Oft forgiving, Merciful Lord of Love and Compassion and not a wrathful deity out to punish one every chance He Gets. Nope if a man decides he does not believe in God, it does not hurt God in any way.     

The Laws of Karma sucks!

Silence is the way towards having a peaceful and contemplative mind, a mind that can encompass all in one unified point, in the here and now; the Divine Presence is here. No time or space has any influence over the Spirit, as no time or space can hold on to the ultimate consciousness of this we call mind; only in deep prayer can it be contained. Prayer is the highest form of human expression towards the unknown, that which lies beyond his comprehension. Prayer is the highest form of Yoga, or mental discipline, of meditation. To pray means to submit to give up, to surrender, to humble my ego, that which I take to rule my life. My small mind as the Zen Buddhist calls it, or the monkey mind as Thich Naht Hanh, the Vietnamese Monk and great Zen Master, calls it. Even an Atheist prays deep in heart, that he is on the right path, perhaps he prays to himself, his higher self.

We are all interconnected Beings. We are held together by one line of thread that holds together a network of threads like a net, a web. The spider weaves its whole web from one single strand of its excretion, through its behind. We originated from one single bang the call the Big bang, before that we were One, perhaps a molecule of Atom floating around in space and time. Our gift above all other creatures seen and unseen is the fact that we have a mind and we are fully conscious, except we choose to fall asleep and exist in a dream we call our waking life. Some claim we are created in the image of God, some even claim that we are indeed God playing the role of who we are, some do not claim anything at all except to claim that it is all an illusion, that the very I itself does not really exist. What it is that we claim ourselves to be in whatever image we were created from it is our inherent duty as a human to make an effort to discover who we truly are  in our relationship to one another and to the rest of the Universe and dare I say to our Maker, Lord of the Universe, call Him/Her by what name you may.

If and when you have found your true nature, that which was the original Unborn Buddha Nature, or the Ruhulkudus, or the Atman, that which is present in this moment witnessing; you will get to know your Higher Self, the source from which it all started; the strand that exits out of a spider's butt. How the Universe, How God, How Brahman, how thw Tao, the great Spirit is having a good time through you. The journey of a thousand miles begins where you are at and the first step you take might be your last or it will lead you to eternity; how far are you willing to go. Or are your feet nailed to the floor, or you carry such a heavy load that you cannot make it that far, your choice, a free choice to  make, accept life as it is with nothing after or live life fully knowing that what you sow today is germinating and that you are the creator of your paradise or your hell; the laws of karma sucks! 

Islam, Christianity and Buddhism- I am That, I am.

It will not be too long before Islam will become the major religion in the world despite all the adversities that has been and is still being thrown at it by those who are threatened by its very existence.I feel more and more of the younger generation embracing the religion out of their volition especially those who has traveled widely and are exposed to world religions and cultures. These new converts will make the vanguard of the future Muslims and most are coming from the Western countries including the United States. These are the 'disenchanted spirits' and lost souls as well as culturally demoralized individuals of their own home and upbringing.

The Catholic Church is being infested by moral wrong doings of its clergies from the highest to the regular priests with child abuse and pedophilia and Satanic worship among the accusations thrown at it. What Jesus has done for  for Christianity throughout  its history is today being undermined by internal discord and moral abuses. I am not advocating Islam against Christianity or any other religion for that matter, not my vocation nor intention. What my believe and understanding of the various religions of the world is so limited as to be in any position to pass any judgement of one over the other and as far as I am concern all religions no matter what or where it originates from is intended for good. The purpose of having a religious faith is to have some form of coherence over the matter of the human spirit, it also keeps man from  going insane in trying to make sense out of his daily life; at least for those who are on the road towards awakening; those who seek liberation from this cycle of life, death and rebirth.

I will never attain to fully understand religion albeit Islam or Christianity, Hinduism or whatever have you, but I know that I can come to a better understanding of my spirituality, my own self discovered path towards what i deem as the truth. I believe in a 'God' or a Higher Being by whatever name He is called that I am answerable to, this Ultimate Supreme Consciousness, is to me that which makes a spiritual sense and it is very personal. However as a Buddhist by practice I am inclined to believe that all this is still an illusion as much as I am an illusion. As such, or so long as I exist in this form and am not able to detach or discard myself from this physical and mental state I have to abide by the same rules as the rest of humanity; I have to live and play by the rules. These are the rules that I have to understand at the deepest level possible as the fate of my souls rides on this, what else is there more higher a purpose for being alive than to be fully awakened to the mysteries of belief and faith in the human spirit. 

I am here to serve, to serve humanity in the name of God,(Allah), the Higher State of Consciousness, whatever. I am here to become useful for the benefit of sentient beings if not the Planet itself, in no matter how small a service i can offer; this is my role, this is my purpose, this is my covenant; I am not here to be served. This I hold to be the truth although not the whole truth of the purpose of my existence, there is more to my being here in this form and playing this role for nearly 70 years now and perhaps i will be able to discover to realize the whole truth before i exit the stage in my final cut. Right or wrong is a sickness of the mind, the Buddha is said to have said, and for whatever it is worth I have played my part as best i could and am able to share my experience through this Blogging. 




















 

Splendorous Light Within...

-In The Beginning...Spirituality was Before Religion---
In ancient times .. human spirituality enjoyed a sublime Awareness of Oneness, with Divine Being. This Awareness of Oneness sprang from our own Divine-Self awareness. Before visiting here on the earth-plane, when we existed in what is currently called a heavenly etheric dimension we were fully aware of our Divine-Essence, and we brought this awareness with us (this powerful Self expression) when arriving into the uniqueness of this Earth-living."
from --'Splendorous Light Within'--
available all over.

I cam upon this posting on the group link that I have been following and the whole lengthy article is like a nail hammered home into what my mind has been trying to express but could not find better expression. I could have downloaded the whole article here but decided that it might be too long and infringe upon some technical ruling about posting someone else's ideas. I like what is said very much though and so I am still posting a few excerpts here just to share some similarities of what i have been trying to find in my practice and understanding. Anyone having followed my Blog over the years will by now see how my mind has changed over the years from one belief to another from one understanding to another, however I have yet to arrive at a final commitment towards what truly is my faith or how do I accept God in my life. Hence I will be sharing a few excerpts from the article although I  have no idea of except what is quoted at the end of the posting.

"Religion is one of the poorest ways to feel God.
The metaphysics of native indigenous cultures feels Oneness in God more deeply - "

Having being born and raised a Muslim and Buddhist in a rural rustic community before electricity was available, I was exposed to an almost primitive environment where religion and superstitious beliefs played a a critical role. Fear of the unseen and the unknown was a part of our daily phenomenal experience and we had learned to deal with. Hence it is not a simple matter of letting go when it comes to matters pertaining to or inherent believe system. It has taken me many years of self exploration and digging into the nature of my believe that I have evolved to this level of acceptance of what is truly right understanding of who or what I truly am. This years of Blogging tells part of the story on this journey, my struggle to find out and it may not as yet be over.

"This ONE is the infinite,divine invisible Eternal Consciousness.
In our oneness with Divine Being we Also are infinite, invisible
and eternal, but in our Individual expression, as Light Beings,
we manifest our individual self-hood as finite and local beings.
We are in fact a ‘Center’ of God-Consciousness, and because God is Eternal, we are too."

This is one of the most positive all inclusive views i  hae come across thus far in my search for understanding, it claims not to belong to any one particular faith or religion but encapsulates all. I am not saying that it is one hundred percent valid but thus far it is one of the most viable, makes sense and closest to what i envision.  In the words of Terence McKenna.

You are a divine being. You matter, you count. You come from realms of unimaginable power and light, and you will return to those realms.
Terence McKenna

 





  











 

If Belief Patterns Reality -Jean Huston.

""Belief patterns reality." an off the cuff statement I extracted from a Jean Huston talk which I thought is pretty profound is its simplicity. What you believe, you create and how many of us really believe that and how often do we think about it as we go about our lives day to day doing what tis that we are doing fulfilling our obligations as humans. In my quest for a thorough understanding of who or what I am over the years I have noticed the gradual transition of the mind from one belief into another as I get older and the human psyche evolves around me. The knowledge and wisdom I have gathered and my own insights and understandings has brought me to this juncture where  old belief systems are giving way to a more developed and thoroughly analyzed and investigated ideas of how the human mind operates affecting life in and around me. Scientific research and spiritual transcendence are merging into one new paradigm replacing all the old belief that had been held on to as the truth. 
Religious dogma and principles are gradually being shelved for good in most cases where the latest in scientific discoveries of the inner workings of the human brain and genetic codes have replaced most religious revelations and assumed truth or so it seems. However God is not dead, not yet and for those like me of the old school God is very much alive closer to home more so than ever before. What science is revealing only helps to confirm the existence of a higher being, a super mind that governs the whole. It is like peeking into a microscope and discovering the innate nature of being to be an essence of that which is the source of all existence. We are consciousness itself, even the scientists are getting around to accepting this notion as they venture closer and closer to the core of our being and unraveling the mysteries of our inner workings and how it relates to our external physical nature.  We are more than meets the eye.

Mankind has arrived by leaps and bounds at the very edge of the precipe where he is challenged to take the leap of faith into a new dimension of existence, a new mode of perception and new from of belief systems if he is to survive the next millennia. Even if the old Gods are being swept away from the human consciousness and understanding, a new one is in the making. mankind will elect a new God that will rule the whole of the human race collectively and this God has yet to be named. The new God will be one that is the end product of our collective consciousness, with no attachments or identity, not related to any religious denomination but its own self. The God of so called modern man ia a God of the collective human mind generated from eons of evolution of the spirit through trials and tribulations of the collective human spirit and the scientific discoveries. Unlike the Gods of old this god will not be identified with any race, color or creed, no institutionalized ideologies nor adherence to symbols and dogmas; the God of tomorrow will hold the universal truth to be that of Unconditional Love and Compassion towards all sentient beings on the face of this Planet seen or unseen. 

Will come a time when man will stop bickering over who is right or wrong and whose faith and belief system works better; man will face life with a unified determinism that the survival of the whole is tantamount to the highest divinity. If 'belief were to pattern reality', then man will have to renovate, upgrade and modify his belief system in accordance with the call of the whole and not the national, religious or individual call. If we do not obliterate this our planet with a nuclear holocaust or end it with natural disasters through our wanton negligence of the environment, we might be able to save ourselves and move into the next phase of our evolutionary path, where the merger of science and spirituality becomes symbiotic  reality.

          

The Noetic Mind?-Atma Vichara..

" From the Greek noēsis/ noētikos, meaning inner wisdom, direct knowing, or subjective understanding. As defined by the philosopher William James in 1902, noetic refers to "states of insight into depths of truth unplumbed by the discursive intellect."

After all the insightful thoughts and revelations of our ancestors throughout our human history, we are still groping in the dark, not knowing or having any idea of where we are headed for or where we came from. Suddenly we are here despite what science and evolution theorists say. In spite of what religions have to say or whatever Philosophers believe, we as a human race is on the brink of extinction as we will annihilate ourselves simply because we can and intend to. It  sounds like a doomsday preacher calling out the End of Days, but sadly enough it is not far from the truth. It takes short of a miracle to get humanity back on track heading towards peace and stabilization. There is no words strong enough to spell out the urgency that we face, we do not need much more convincing than has already been exposed to; we got to be really  insensitive towards our lot if we ignore this while living our lives out in denial. 

Humanity has its ways of standing up to adversities in the past and many has come forward in out times of need to act as buffers and providers for those in need. Today we are in an urgent need for a greater number yet of man and women of good faith and and clarity of hearts to step forward on to the stage and take the role of a caretaker and preserver of this our whole Planet and every sentient that lives in it. Today more than ever we need to throw off our cloaks of ignorance and apathy towards our fellow man and the fate of this planet we call home. We are watching insects being wiped out and fishes from the largest whales to the tiny plankton being systematically removed by our very own waste products. The climate change is gathering momentum as scientists reveals the true nature of what is curing in and around the world. We need to  seriously look deep into ourselves and ask the same question over and over again, who am I and what is my role on this stage of human evolution and the life of this Planet. More critically, what will leave behind me as a legacy for my children and theirs after them

Let us not walk or crawl off this stage before we have at the very least established to ourselves what roles we played to the betterment of our fellow creatures and this Planet of our while we shared its lodging. Let us at the very least have a glimpse of self realization as to who we ttruly are and take that small step towards making it right for the rest of humanity, that which we deem as wrong or unjustified. Let us at the very least awaken to the reality around us that we are not alone and that we can together offer make the changes much needed today. We are each and everyone of us are endowed with the body, mind and spirit, we are the gifted souls that the Highest of    Most High had created to take charge of this Planet we call home; let it be so. 



  

Collective Consciousness.

Your Qiblat is the source off light within you, your true target. The Heart is the temple of the Living God and within it resides the the Luminous Spirit, the Essence that is God. This is the Divine Light out of which you were created and is still alive on this plane of existence; don't let this light be extinguished. When you pray, look to this point in you that is your Maker; you do not need to go to Makkah or Madinah to feel any closer to Him. The House of God that Abraham and Ishmael built in the middle of nowhere in the Arabian Desert is carried with you wherever you be and whatever your position is life is; this is true of all the three religions of the Book, The Children of Abraham. Allah is All Knowing and All Merciful, The Fair and Just.Humanity especially the, The Jews, The Christians and the Muslims will one day face the consequences of the decadence of the human quality of life to  such a low level around the world that the worth of a life is the cost of a bullet. I seriously think we as a whole if not individually have some explaining to do to our Maker when all is said and done.
, 
Tat Tvam Asi... That, I Am.
Some scientists says, we are holographic images floating around in the empty space of time itself. Some say we were brought here from outer space somewhere and others insist we were Apes at a certain period of our evolution; nothing wrong with that, better than be evolved from a bull frog. but the question still remains as to who or what are we, who am I, what am I made of, capable of am I created in the image of my Lord, like it is said in the Scriptures, and yes, free will and the rest of it. I am omni science, loaded with all the knowledge and wisdom accumulated along the way, some lost to memory while some remains as my self identification of who I am presently in this form, me looking at myself wondering what or who is truly real in nature, "I am that, I am..where form is emptiness and emptiness is form...God spoke unto Moses. 

Sadly enough the human suffering the Planet Itself all around us is gathering momentum more and more intense and critical; mankind will not survive too long if  there is a major shift in the human psyche as a whole towards healing and respiration; man has to come together as one mind, a collective mind and will it so that we can save and make this Planet more of a heaven to live in, this is our legacy for those who are inheriting what we leave behind. Let's join our hands together and take this journey of self realization to a limit uncharted before; let us all as one awaken to ourselves, in body mind and spirit. For those who seek for the same answers to the question of life, the fate of Humanity and the rest of the Planet bullshit time si over , it is time to act, do whatever it takes   in an effort towards saving this Planet we call home, this form we call 
human being or being human from a premature demise.

There are not enough or us who have attained Awakening and those who do lack the opportunity to share their wisdom with those who could use them, we talk of nothing in particular, and our mind is filled with videos of YouTube and fb and this is how we stay in touch; we chat, we show what we ate and where and how cute our children and grandchildren are, but we truly share very little, but little as it is is more than enough to shake the world if the Collective Human Mind is unleashed synchronized  like an orchestral music winding up in crescendo towards a climactic end, we can move mountains if we have to. Yes we can! We are geared towards this event but ever so slowly even with the advent of the computer, we are still dragging our feet, those of us who have touched upon the subject along this path, we have chosen, and there are many of us at all levels of humanity; wwe can bring a few more towards the 'Intention',  of our Collective Consciousness, 

We crap on the same plate we eat.

As a Muslim, I am sad to say that my faith has been shaken as if hit by a tornado, sending me reeling into outer space, wondering if there is a God or if I am lost, as I have always been in a state of limbo in ignorance. I feel elated sometimes when I pray silently while sitting on my pillows in the wee hours of the morning; I even feel the Divine within me touching my being. However, when my thoughts take flight over the earthly scenario of what is going on in my life as well as in the world, I feel hopeless. I sense that the God in whom I have placed my faith has abandoned humanity, if not me personally. Moreover, I feel my existence is merely to witness humanity's pain and suffering, the planet's decadence, and the demise of species becoming extinct one after another. There is no one to blame, and how can I blame my Maker? After all, He has granted Man free will to choose his own fate.

 

From my personal observation, Islam is a religion of the afterlife; it seems that life on this earth and time are just a passing phase, borrowed time to prepare mankind for the eternal afterlife. This is acceptable as long as the Earth does not suffer consequences from this transitional or 'transit lounge' mentality that shows little or no care for the temporary space occupied, leaving it worse than when they first arrived. It is akin to a park after being used by a beer-guzzling party of college students. As much as Muslims would deny it, the fate of the environment—the very future of this planet—is of very little concern to them, knowingly or otherwise; it is, after all, a transit lounge. "Dunia ini hak mereka, Akhirat kita punya," a common Malay Muslim saying meaning this world is theirs, ours is the afterlife.  "Dunia ini hanya sementara, Akhirat, selamanya," meaning this life is temporary, the hereafter is eternal.

 

Most religions, including Islam, consider heaven to be located out there somewhere, where one ends up in the afterlife if one is deserving. Having lived in accordance with the dictates of one's faith, one is rewarded with a resting place far removed from this Earth. Thus, my point is that caring for the Earth and its well-being is never and will never be of paramount importance to those who live for the afterlife; it is not their fault, however. I have grown up among people who have a disdainful, if not nonchalant, view of the fate of the environment, just like the beer guzzlers in the park. For these people, there will always be someone else to clean up after them. In Islam, it is said that cleanliness is next to Godliness, but from my personal experience, this is far from the truth in practice. It is not simply a matter of being lazy; it has become a mental state after hundreds of years of believing in the same principle or dogma without a deeper understanding of the ramifications.

 

Islam is also said to have declared that mankind was created to be the vicegerent or caretakers of this planet, in charge of the whole solar system as well as the unseen. If so, man has failed miserably. Instead of being the caretaker and caregiver, man has become a self-server and ultimately the destroyer of that which he is charged to care for, simply because he has lost his sense of priorities and misunderstood his appointed calling by his Maker. For the religious, the purpose of being here is to live for the afterlife, to live in such a way that when he dies, he enters the Kingdom of Heaven, regardless of having left behind a mess of a planet spiraling out of control due to neglect and wanton disregard for checks and balances. Instead of being the cure and caregiver, man has become the very cancerous virus that is slowly but surely destroying his own habitat—his home.  

   

I am an Artist-- after 70 years.

I have almost completed five acrylic paintings, 3'x3'  and two on a 3x4 feet in size, except for the final touches on each which will happen as i move along with my 2019 project and that being getting some new updated works ready for my solo exhibition at the Sri Mutiara Art Gallery or better known among locals as Soo Kaw's place. What used to be the Rope Walk area at Aceh Street kitty corner from what today is a beautiful well kept park is where the gallery is located. It is one of the most respected gallery in Georgetown, run by an artist and one time Art teacher, Mr. Khaw Soo Kaw. One of the most passionate artist and Art lover who has dedicated his life to Art. I am honored to have been given a slot to show my works in August  and the opening day being on the 11th, of August a day before my 70th.Birthday, the same day of Aidl Adzha or Hari Raya Haji. 

With the help of Mr. lebeene Khai's sponsorship in the purchasing of new art materials I am able to have twenty pre-mounted canvasses and panting materials. Lee Has always been my patron and i am indebted to his patronage. This exhibition is dedicated to my close friend and brother who trust and believe in me. I am privileged to have a close friendship with his family. I met Lee one afternoon at the Penang Little Street Market where he ended buying a few pieces of my mono-prints and our friendship grew from there. I have promised Lee who is today the Chairman of the Penang State Art Gallery that I would donate all my Sketch Books to the Gallery if they would accept them. I this way I know these works of mine will be well cared for and might be a source of aid to those interested to know aht an art's life is all about at least for one artist. And so, in this year of the Pig I will 'Pig-Out!' with as much paintings as I can.

It is my hope that this year will bring some creative energy that will carry me through to the end. I owe it to many and especially to myself to walk my talk or my Blog and share the best of what my mind is capable of. This is my Art, the Art of Living as an Artist. To quote Star Trek, "To boldly go where no man has gone before... to seek New Frontiers...yadaa yadda! Being an artist for me is more than just being able to be a masterly painter, or a master sculptor, it is about being able to tell a story about your life that others may share, to set your own standards in life even if they are contrary to the norm, to dare touch the forbidden and transgress the divine mandates; it is matter of testing all limits and write a conclusion coherently at the end of the day, where those that read can take lessons from them. I would like to leave a legacy of my own as an artist.