Why oh Why?!

I was staring into the blazing morning sun until it became a clear orb in my forehead like my third eye as alighted. When someone describe to you what they see as a blinding light when they meditate or at the point of dying, perhaps try this and you will feel for what they are trying to share. I do this as often as I can just to see if I could burn away the cataract build up in my eyes and save the costly amount to them operated on; I think it works as at my age i can still read and drive with no problem. If you wish to stare back at the sun, drop your sun glasses and stare into the light and absorb the light into your whole being especially your heart area,. Allow the warmth of the sun to penetrate throughout your entire being and thus the healing begins, as you allow the warmth of the sun to spread you can direct your attention to where you wish to heal, like your joint areas, or you spine, send energies in to your brain to turn on neurons and electrical charges, trust that this will happen and it will help to regenerate and revitalize your mind and body every time you do this; just don't over do it. I do this often but not every day, I do it when the sun is on the horizon and rising or setting and I notice that the setting sun has a more soothing effect than the intense morning sun. Does it burn away my cataract? God only knows, I never had my eyes tested except once and I was told I needed an eye operation of which I could not afford, so I stare at the sun  to create my own laser beam and remove whatever is building up over my eyes.

If you sneeze allot in the morning it is cool and don't assume it is because you are coming down with a cold or flu. No it is good for your lungs as it forces you to breath or at least makes you conscious that you are breathing, forcefully perhaps but that's what   PranayamaYoga tries to teach you in a more disciplined and perhaps safer way. What is important is to be aware every time you wake that you do a little breathing exercise just so you move your energy throughout you body after having laid on the bed for hours. Taking a few minutes to become conscious of your breath upon waking up helps you more than you know, it clears your head, your lungs, moves you energy in your lower abdomen and other extremities, it keeps you alive longer. Breath is the bridge between the here and the hereafter, the mundane and the Divine, life and physical death; as it is you should be concern that you're breathing properly for it is the most important aspect of life that you cannot afford to loose touch of. Always breath as though it is your last and you will live forever, don't take my word for it, try it.

As Gandhi wrote, 'Life is an experiment.' I agree and have been experimenting with my life at every turn I make, I dissect myself physically, mentally and spiritually everyday with every thought that is generated out of my head. It does gets tiresome and often rather dead boring, but it is worse when I am not. I have a very over active mind that would run riots in my head and likes to create the worse case scenarios out of the blue; it is a melodramatic mind that would shame Shakespeare. Some I feel like insanity is just around the corner for me and it has been a scary feeling over the years to be confronted the prospect of loosing my head through having an over active mind. Perhaps as a lyric in one of Pink Floyd's song said, "You reach for the secret too soon, You cry for the moon...shine on you Crazy Diamond!" When I first heard this song in Green Bay, Wisconsin, I cried to myself laying there on the floor of my Thai student buddy's living room floor with head phones on. It had hit me so hard the whole song that I simply cried myself to sleep; I was alone, I felt alone, I felt lonely.

I realized then that, yes I had reached for the secret too soon. I had been awakened to the realities and illusions of life at a very young age almost to the day i was born as a part of a twins and soon handed over to be adopted by my uncle, thus began my life living in dichotomy. The plot thickened as the years went and i was thrown into a life of living to please all those around me or face their retribution. I was raised from childhood both as a Buddhist as well as a Muslim for twelve years of my childhood life, to become one of the best student as an artist and tortured daily in my mathematics classes, are among the landscape of my psycho-infantile upbringing and it got worse as I moved into my teen years. I had to reach for the secret to life especially how to survive form becoming insane; I had to find the answers for myself, Who am I?