Thursday, December 05, 2019

Gasho! Gratitude to All who had led me here.

After having spent numerous hours of my time listening to spiritual talks given by the Hindu Gurus, Tibetan Lamas, Zen Masters, Sufi Masters,modern day Science cum Spiritual Teachers and the list goes on, I have come to realize one thing, that they all points to one factor;Self Realization. Who am I or What am I? This realization has happened quite a long time ago for me, conscious or unconsciously. Like a broken record I never fail to keep repeating myself of this fact, but I never tire of feeding more information into my mind for more confirmation  as to whether I am right or wrong or if I am on the right track or otherwise. I was woken up at 4 am. by my cat and decided to sit on my bed as I always do and again I arrive at the same conclusion as I always did, I just have to quit accumulating more knowledge and instead put it to practice more as my mind is a mind of an addict. I realize that whatever I do I tend to become extreme, enough is never enough, just like posting this Blog which is now numbering over 2300 posts thus far.

Although my original intention was to improve on my writing skills and be able to share my life experience, to date it has dominated a good part of my time like an addiction. I used to believe that to be real good at any endeavor one has to become addicted to it so much so that one cannot live without it like to coffee or cigarettes. Wisdom says that one has become attached to and is dependent upon one's addiction and hence it is time to break free from it. I tried, but to no avail and i am still writing and what is worse, I am affected by how many hits my posts receives every time I make a post. My ego has again taken control over what I have been trying to cultivate throughout my writings, which primarily is to remove the sense of egotistical tendencies. During my meditation or sittings I have watched how from so much ramblings that happens in my head I was able to bring the mind to silence, however out of the blue a thought would slip in and off i go on again rambling away. A word,a thought, a memory of something that had happened earlier, anything and I lose my solitude or silence to 'the monkey mind.' However I am happy to say that I am able to remove the discursive thoughts in a few minutes much faster than it used to be and the simple truth is by not entertaining them one way or another which is something I had learned while a student at the Zen Monastery. It may sound easy, it is not, as most who meditates would tell you. the egoic mind is more slippery than an eel.

I am eternally grateful to have been blessed with having found my salvation through the Zen school. I was definitely a lost soul before I entered the Zen monastery at Green Gulch Farm, in Marin County, County, California. I was at a cross road towards becoming totally lost or regaining my sanity and my fellow Zen students were   most helpful despite the fact that I was more of a pain to them. Perhaps the All Mighty in all His infinite Compassion had set my course towards healing myself of all my negative traits through the simple practice of Sitting Meditation. Today I may not have totally cleansed myself of all my bad habits and my addictions, but I feel  a whole lot better of who I am than I ever did before. I hope and pray that the same is true of all those who sat with me at 'The Farm' and my gratitude to all my Teachers who had pointed the Way for me. Gasho!
# Green Gulch Farm, # Sitting meditaiton, #Zazen, 

"Bahari! Wake up! Stay Awake!"
Junpo Kelly, (My first Zen Teacher).

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