Moving closer to the Gate.

The days when i started my Blog I never heard of the names like Gregg Braden, Dr. Joe Spenza or Bruce Lipton, the so called modern day Gurus of the Human Consciousness science field. You Tube was not loaded yet with the inner workings of the human brain and how the mind can manipulate these workings to better serve man. Perhaps these scientific discoveries were carried out indoors away from the public scrutiny, however with the advent of the Internet these discoveries are slowly becoming common knowledge as more and more people are becoming aware that their minds are more than what it seems, as scientifically proven and no more guesses and theories. These knowledge used to belong to those who read and made it their educational pursuit towards the related subjects; the modern day seekers of truth. 

My curiosity was awakened in the late sixties and early seventies when I stumbled upon the magazine called "Man, Myth and Magic,: which was monthly subscribed by the Penang State Library where I used to spend allot of time when a teenager. It was then that I discovered the likes of C.G.Jung, Alistair Crawley, Madame Blavatsky and a host of other names and their works related to the human mind. I was exposed to the occult realm and the mysteries of the ancient schools like the Rosicrucian and the Masons, the Cabal and the Hindu Yogic tradition. Since then there was no stopping for my thirst for the inner workings of human mind, which I used to call 'Humind' out of the laziness in writing two words instead of one. I was not aware as to where my curiosity was leading me then; it was just a matter of being intrigued by the subject which today is called 'Consciousness'.

Then after a lapse of ten years or so I found myself in college and got a work study job as a librarian at the University of Wisconsin at Green Bay. It was during these college years that my curiosity was reawakened as I stumbled upon the works of G.I. Gurdjief. P.D. Ouspensky, J. Krishnamurti, Alan Watts, Ram Dass and a host of others, transporting my mind to a greater heights of understanding about the nature of the human mind and spirit. Still i was just reading merely out of curiosity, but at the same time I was becoming addicted to these works which later included the works by Frijorf Capra, Deepak Chopra and the Zen school writers like Philip Kapleau's whose works, the Three Pillars of Zen, got my mind working towards understanding more of the Zen tradition. Having been born and raised as a Buddhist for twelve years of my childhood and at the same time as a Muslim as I was raised in a predominantly Muslim home where only my uncle who adopted me and myself were Buddhist, religion has always been a stigma in my life.

No one had ever sat down and explained my predicament growing up within two religions and i was either brushed aside or ridiculed and frowned upon most of the time by those who discovered my secret. I have written this episode time and again in detail over the years in the effort trying to make sense out of all the nonsense I had been through, but I still am carrying it on my back like a cross as it has yet to unravel its conundrum. Hence I was led to the question I asked of myself; Who am I? As I have reminded myself every so often, I have caught glimpses of the reality of my nature through much of my readings and meetings with great minds, however, I have yet to feel the ultimate answer to the question, I have yet to taste the truth. I am still groping in the dark, with the occasional lightning flashes of the truth that has spurred me to further venture into the unknown of what lies ahead for me.
What the modern scientific/spiritual teachers of today are expounding I had discovered for myself inadvertently while growing up i my young adulthood out of sheer curiosity and the thirst for an answer. Thanks to the Internet and especially You Tube, my quest has been made much easier and a whole lot of vistas has opened up for me to behold and understand the mysteries of my original nature. I am blessed to have joined the Zen Buddhist school where I was healed form most of my ancient twisted karmic burden, Far from being fully liberated or enlightened I am at least pretty much more at peace today than I have ever been. Anger and despair, guilt and low self esteem are not as heavy as they used to be; I am beginning to understand what is Unconditional Love in the true sense of the words.  

"I am the Master of my own Destiny." has always been one of my auto suggestions whenever i recite my personal mantra, which includes, "I am the Master of my thoughts and consciousness, I am the Master of my Body, Speech and Mind and I am the Master of my Space and Environment." This has been my mantra for as long as I can remember and i recite it almost daily to myself during my sitting meditation, morning upon waking up and night before i go to bed. What good it has done, WallahuAllam. only God knows. One thing for sure, I realize today that it has delivered me from the brink of insanity and suicide to being who I am today. Practice makes perfect as it is said, perhaps there is some truth in it and I hope that before I die the answers to my questions would be revealed to me and that I can share my conclusion to this experimental life in this Blog.  
#Alan Watts, #J.Krishnamurti, #Buddhism, #Mantra,#Consciousness, # Gregg Braden,# Bruce Lipton,# Joe Dispenza.#Unconditional Love