It is about Life and Karma they say..

In one of my conversations with my Mind was while looking overlooking the whole panoramic view of a major pa out my window of Georgetown, stretching all the way to the sea and the hills to my right and the city enter to my right. I observed what my thoughts were as i watched, first though that came was, I cannot tell whether it is haze or rain in the distant anymore.. It is extra foggy out there this morning. I said to myself I hope that it is raining over there, rain is good, rain is purifying and even if it floods ever now and then it is part of the general purification, nature's wake up call to say," Hey! enough is enough! " As this was running through me i suddenly realized that I was being negative, or feeling negative energies creeping into the equation. I said out loud, to myself really,"Hey buddy why can't we quit this negativity, this craving for more pain and more inconveniences, what's wrong with projecting positive and colorful images, something worth sharing with the rest of the world?I was addressing my own Mind, I am talking to myself!" No answer.

Regrets? I will never forgive myself for not being able to sit by my wife's grave and tell her how sorry I am for having let her go with the children back to the United State to be taken care of by the American Medical Doctors as her mother had requested, and could not follow them because of the US Immigration policy back then. I regret having brought her and my children to a country that i thought was going to be our home. I regret having failed to accept the futility that had taken my wife's life. I regret that i had failed as a man in taking care of her needs within and without. I had left it up to the people and the environment to shape them, to be their teachers. I have the feeling that I have not done too bad with my adult children now and for the late wife, it is  a very long story and one best buried with her. I Love and Adore my wife in my own way one of the promises I made to her before she left for her mom was that, I would make the children grow up okay. I have tried to stop justifying my actions a long time ago, but every now and then it hits me like a ton of bricks from nowhere...WHAM! Hi, remember me? So where does this originate from Mind? What triggered it off? Why this now? Any significance the miss and anniversary or something? Thank you anyway! 

I guess anything goes and at any moment things change, the dramas change the episodes adds on, the mirror images pops up everywhere asking the same question, who am I? A vicious circle like the dog catching its tail, and this too is alright, at least having a better understanding and it makes it a little easier to carry on. What would I give to be complete oblivious to my pains and sorrows, what would i give to feel the sense of lightness of being, sense of peace and equanimity? Must i have to keep picking myself up from every stumble that I have made from my past actions? Karma! So this is it, it is all about Karmic consequences and I am long overdue to face mine. Lay it on me, tell me something that I don't already know, something that make it still worthwhile to look into this experiment we have about life. 

to be contd.