Hello Darkness My old Friend.

A part of me woke up thinking this is it with the Internet and the whole load of collecting more garbage for the outside or even writing more non sense to make make sense. Yes i woke up with a better feeling about getting myself refigured and calibrated, like it is time for a major change. Off course the mind went into a hyper gear of thoughts and ideas to suggest with and soon i find myself bogged down again with the same old routine of mental juggling with old recipes and never ending what ifs. Yes, the mind, as I trudge along towards giving up my attachments and clinging on to, the more the mind stirs with even greater zest to invest itself into my being claiming a strangle hold on my conscious efforts to change for the better. Understanding the working of the mind is more than a lifelong effort, it is as the Muslim understands it to be a Jihad, a fight to the death in defence of one's faith or one's life and honor, only this fight is an inner fight between the higher consciousness and the dual thinking mind; the Ego or Nafs.

The mind is not something you just can give up on, it is ever with you every second of your day, hammering away with tenacity, bombarding you with thoughts and ideas, perceptions and impulses, feelings and dreams; it is your shadow. You cannot remove your shadow except by being engulfed in the light, fully enlightened. The shadow appears every time the light is blocked by a solid form; the I or the you. For so long as you are present thoughts will form and the mind is at work. When there is no I or me to identify with there is no thought formations, for there is none to acknowledge it, no mirror or no block. Remove the I and the equation is incomplete and the mind is silent. Talking about it is one thing, getting to accomplishing it another story. This is why throughout human history very few attain to enlightenment or become completely awakened, most of us walk in the shadows of our mental scapes.

What's wrong with it? Mind feeds on our emotions like a parasite and gives us a migraine to begin with. Mind projects more than what is there and creates unnecessary confusion leading to being trapped into delusions, but most of us has accepted this ever since we started to think. Mind enjoys dwelling more on the negative side of life than the positive, it exaggerates an event more than it really is. You feel a pain in your chest and you think it is a heart attack; mind think of the worse of any given scenario when something unwanted happens and sometime even before it happens. Most of us has been so used to it that we take such thing for granted, it is just the way we are; it is just who I am.

This acceptance is universal as most of humanity has become insensitive towards the workings of the human mind, most of us are embedded into the matrix of the collective mental state when command and control, violence and ignorance are a common theme for our existence and we gave up asking why. Why is life so full of pain and suffering for the most of humanity, why do we put up with ourselves for allowing what is happening to us go unchecked. We make feeble efforts for the most part and live merely to survive life rather than to embrace it with unconditional joy. We live in denial of our shortcomings, our fragility, and our ignorance; we live in the shadow of that which dictates our emotions and actions, we are living at the mercy of our own mental projections.

By making these observations about my self and how i perceive my mind working every minute of the day, it is my intention to find a middle way of how to make my mind become more understandable and more positive in its projections towards every experience I encounter, every challenge i face and every motion I take. This has helped me in dealing with lessening my anger and other issues that I had in the past. I am able to better control my emotions and I feel I am looking at a brighter day everytime I wake up in the morning. Be as it may, I am still struggling to keep this harmonious state of being from slipping away everytime I become careless or negligent, or simply too lazy to keep up with my practice especially in meditation and contemplation..The shadow gets stronger and I am still lost in the darkness of my own ignorance, I am still lost in my own lack of faith and understanding of who I truly am, 

Mind o mind when can we stop being stupid?! When can we reveal that which is inherently what is the truth of our original nature, our divinity, our ultimate formless spirit of being an enlightened being devoid of delusions and doubts, fear and sorrow; a creature of light. What would give the utmost meaning to my life than to become free from this bondage of being lost in my own self created darkness.