My Two Weeks back at the Farm.- My two cents worth to the Mentri Besar of Kedah.

One of the negative event that i learned upon my return was the loss of the refrigerator which was given by MARDI,  to the facility for use. Due to some conflict of interest MARDI ( Malaysia Agriculture research and Development Institute) has pulled itself out of the joint project with the Koperasi Belantik Agro  So what went sour? I seriously think that this matter should be looked into and resolved so that everyone involved will stand to benefit from the outcome and not left hanging whatever the issue that has transpired between the Government agency and the Private sector. There is no excuse for failure in this matter and in time it will raise its head for further investigation by higher authorities. Malaysian especially the Malay has allowed for failures to slip by unresearched and investigated too often to the detriment of the whole community and this matter in not a new one. I know not what the whole issue id about but I will say this  stop the blaming and finger pointing whatever it may be and start putting the interest of the whole ahead of your private issues!  

A whole lot of research and development is still needed and on going as far as the Organic Rice implementation  program is concern. Many Institutes such as the Universiti Utara Malaysia and the  Universiti Pertanian  and a few other related institute are involved in this project recording and researching all venues and possibilities to produce Rice crops back in the traditional ways of non chemical and manufactured pesticides free environment. It is like turning back history in Agriculture. Now reverse R&D is being carried out in order to heal the land from too much man made chemicals that kills more than what it is suppose to. But aid is very slow in coming from the government agencies which is typical of Malaysia especially predominantly Malay run agencies , (My own personal observations)  I find that most of these agencies have their own self serving interest to promote rather than work towards the good of the whole! The old question of what is in it for me is still a damning factor.

Most of our agricultural lands around the country are being polluted by processed chemicals that has been used by farmers for more than a few decades since it was a common thing to do so. In the process numerous wild life and micro biotic creatures have been wiped out including numbers of species of wild life and birds. The ecosystem has never been the same ever since man made chemicals were introduced into the agricultural environment. What natural resources we have we throw them down the drain and opted for the easy  way out of solving our problems and in the process we [pollute our resources till there no more wild life surviving worth mentioning.

This young Man deserves better!
 The slow process of healing the soil and its dependents have become a 'Jihad for the few who saw the dangers and were willing to take the chances of not making it in this life as well to do people are. Most often they were willing to work at a loss and at the mercy of Government Agencies that seek to self aggrandize their image and take  credit for what was being done in terms of research and development. We will will help you if you play the game to our understanding, our way or no way. 

At the foothills of a small almost non-existent village called Lintang a handful of  dedicated individuals are taking it upon themselves to turn the history of  Padi growing from that which has become the norm of  today to what was. For the Chemical fertilizers and pesticides that kills more than they should to what was natural and environmental friendly of the past.

From the dawn of civilisation man has been growing rice alongside nature with all its natural friends and foes and through out history this coexistence has allowed for both man and nature to survive alongside one another without too much off set in balance. But today man has decided that it was more productive and beneficial for him if he eradicate as much competition as he possibly can in nature in order for him to have greater out put of  profitable harvest. With the introduction of man made chemicals and toxic agents, nature has practically receded from the natural environment leaving behind  a barren landscape of silence and sterility called plantations. Many of the wildlife that was a common sight in my younger days growing up along the rice fields in Terengganu are now practically nonexistent or gone practically extinct. 

The SRI LOVELY  - Organic Farm which located far out into the foothills of  the Belantik area of Sik, Kedah is one small collective farm land formed into a Kopersai by a few Mavericks to combat the degradation of Malaysian farmlands by major chemical companies  in their use of processed chemicals to make for greater output and profitability in  most of the major crops grown in Malaysia. In the process they have destroyed most of the surrounding vegetation and wildlife that is often lost  and when discovered has become to late to repair.

Students from higher institutions are a great source of inspiration  towards creation a better future in agriculture, even if their s is more of a self interest, towards getting their degree or certification, their presence and iteration with the local boys in implementing their projects is invaluable for both. Most being' 'City Boys and Girls', their presence is often  an added incentive towards getting the younger minds involved in the agricultural revolution in this country. It is sad that more is not encouraged towards this end.

The interactions between the 'farm Boys and the College kids out in the field should be encourage at all cost so as to instigate a healthy respect one has for the other and for mutual development that would benefit the process of integration of  getting the process implemented in the best of ways for a sustainable future in Organic Farming.

Of Dogs and Muslims.

What's with Dogs and  Malay Muslims? In all my years of living among them I have no doubt that Malays have a phobia about dogs, they fear dogs. The fact that Islam prohibits physical contact with this animal ( still debatable to the extent according to interpretations of the Quran), does not help this Canine phobia. The fact also that the Chinese keeps dogs in just about every house in the neighborhood also adds on to this phobia and the Chinese to their advantage makes it a must to have a fierce dog guarding the homes to keep unwonted Malays from loitering in their neighborhood.
When I was growing up in Sungai Pinang which back then was known as Kampung Selut, we children had our own favorite canine friend whose name was Golf and it was a huge dog that was loved by every child in the Kampung. From this one dog we learned not to fear other dogs and what the animal is capable in terms of being a friend to children. My late teacher and friend Cik Gu Yusof Ali had two huge dogs in his home, not inside the house but close enough but they were fierce hunting dogs. So most of us back then had little fear of dogs and patted them and ran around with them.unlike most Malays whose parents would warn their children against getting anywhere near dogs for fear of getting bitten more so than Islam prohibits their close contact with the animal. Off course I am talking about "Man's closest friend" as universally been established. An animal that would die in trying to protect its master.
So what is wrong with dogs that Muslims are today up in arms against a function held just for the hell of it giving a chance for these Malays a chance to get to know dogs and in the process hopefully help to cure their phobias and gain better understanding of one of God's most useful creatures? In most Middle Eastern countries dogs are kept for various purposes such as sheep herding or camel herding, hunting and as guard dogs. They employed dogs to sniff out drugs at airports and to sniff out victims buried under fallen structures in times of earthquakes and some are even made to sniff out bombs!  Yes this is one multi- purpose animal that deserves our respect if not companionship as it has been known to serve its master even when the master had died. But in Malaysia Malay Muslims have now a new cause to growl at and it is Islam and Dogs! I do not question the religious edict as to can or cannot do according to the Holy Book, but i question the wisdom of those who interpret the scriptures and the way they handle this matter making this animal such a pariah among God's creatures when the opposite is true.
I used to have high regards and respect for the Kelantan State Chief Minister NIk Aziz, I held him to be a very religious wise old man with a very level head, but on this issue he has disappointed me when calling all those who took part in the Dog Touching event as having "Worms in their Brains" ands that it serves no purpose for them in the afterlife". What a crock of crap! I wonder if he has any idea how many species of dogs Allah has created among His Creations to be condemned by such a man. If one calls such a person an extremist all hell would break loose among the Muslim brotherhood but what else can you call it when you take such a drastic stand with no compassion whatsoever towards the animal that most people love to be with, even Muslims and especially Malay Muslims who has this Canine phobia? When in doubt throw them a 'Fatwa! One wonders why Islam is loosing its credibility. The religion is being run by a bunch of hooded myopic visionaries who sees everything as black and white, no lee way for Islam, no middle way either, like my eldest brother's warning to me, no compromise! Everything seems cut and dry, my way or the highway.
Sometime in 1980-81 I was bitten by a German Shepard while walking down the street on Eastman Avenue in Green Bay, Wisconsin. It left two large holes in my thigh just below my scrotum and left me in fear of dogs for the next few years of my life so much so that the sound of a dog collar sent shivers down my spine. I was cured of this phobia when i met a female dog and became friend with her by curing her back of some skin desease, I was never afraid anymore after that of dogs. It was a long and beautiful relationship between me and the dog named Sierra while living at Green Gulch Farm in California and I might have written about it in my earlier entries of the blog. I learned all about Loving Kindness from a dog after being traumatized by another. Allah must have created dogs for a reason and i do not believe it was for a bad one, I hope Muslims will allow themselves to be free and open minded enough to share their love and friendship towards all creatures especially "Man's best friend."

The Art of Dishwahing.

I have been doing the dishes for the Restaurant downstairs for the pas few weeks and ever since i returned here, it is a very good practice for me to keep my mind occupied and less thinking of non sensible issues that produces nothing but more vexations at the end of the day. Doing the dishes is one of those not too well sought after vocations in life and often enough it has been considered something one does if one cannot pay for the meals one has eaten., but to me doing the dishes was at one time as i might have related somewhere in this blog a source of enlightenment or should i say Satori, a mini awakening while i was living at the Zen Center in Sausalito, California. It was the time i witnessed the transformation of a tray of white China bowls into a White lotus of a thousand petals and it was also witnessed by my Practice Teacher who was standing right facing me and the flower without my realizing his presence. Although it lasted a few seconds long enough for my Teacher to look at me and uttered, "It happens dosn't it? and bowed to me and walked away. As he was gone so was the flower which turned back into a tray of white China bowls.
Mahatma Ghandi brought the British Empire in India to an end with his spinning wheel a tedious task that produced the home spun cloth which almost the whole of the Hindu population wore and inadvertently, inadvertently (without knowledge or intention) brought the British Fabric industry at the time to its knees.In essence the most down to earth of vocations that a man can do if done with sincerity and mindfulness can become a great source of meditation practice and a great cure for slothfulness and stupor.a state of near-unconsciousness or insensibility. Often times enough we do get into this state of mind and knows not how to get out of it other than through drinking or drugs or worse beating up our spouses or ;loved ones. But putting oneself through the ringer so to speak can be a source of potent cure, doing what one would normally despise doing., like doing the laundry or ironing or cleaning up the room. Work is a natural healing process for the mind stuck in a rut!

"Karma Yoga is selfless service unto humanity. "Your duty is to work incessantly but not to expect the fruits thereof." This is the central teaching of the Gita.
In the third chapter of the Bhagavad Gita, Arjuna's opening question, "If, O Janardana, you say knowledge is superior to action, then why do you enjoin on me this terrible action ?" To this Sri Krishna answered, "The twofold path was given by me, O sinless one, to the world in the beginning - the path of knowledge to the discerning, the path of work to the active." (3 : 2) Most people think that if you want to attain realization of God, it would be better to sit and think of him only. However, there is one problem here: the mind is like a monkey. When you try to control this playful trickster, it just jumps from one branch of thought to another. To train this monkey requires constant discipline, which is eventually integrated into one's nature."

The Essence of Karma Yoga :Swami Muktibodhananda Saraswati

To most work is a means to earn a living and in most instances  working entails time clocks and  wages and as the job becomes routine and  the employee is well versed in his duties there is the tendencies to try to do as little and accomplish as much while the rest of the tie can be spent wasted in doing what has nothing to do with the job specification.  Work becomes a tedium and  there is even a sense of rebelliousness that later comes into  the work place where employees have become sick and tired of doing the same thing throughout their entire career. This is how we work most of our lives and calls it earning a living to justify our very existence. We work harder to earn more and we excel at what we do in order to earn a higher position where we do less and earn more and often times we become competitive and in the struggle to gain a better position for ourselves we are willing to destroy anyone that stands in our way, we step over others and  by hook or by crook climb our way to the top and call ourselves successful

Vietnamese Zen teacher Thich Nhat Hanh wrote,

"To practice Right Livelihood ( samyag ajiva ), you have to find a way to earn your living without transgressing your ideals of love and compassion. The way you support yourself can be an expression of your deepest self, or it can be a source of suffering for you and others. " ... Our vocation can nourish our understanding and compassion, or erode them. We should be awake to the consequences, far and near, of the way we earn our living.. from The Heart of Buddha's Teachings

"Three persons who will certainly face God's displeasure on the Day of Judgment are: one who dies without fulfilling his commitment to God; one who sells a free person and enjoys the price; and one who engages a laborer, receives due work from him but does not pay him his wage." (Al-Bukhari)

This hadith, by placing the exploitation of labor and the enslaving of a free person on an equal footing, suggests how averse Islam is to exploitation of labor.

Fulfilling  his commitment to God is paramount in Islam followed by slavery and work ethics and what is this fulfillment to God? It is to serve His creations, to serve humanity. Man, in my understanding was not placed on this planet to serve himself but to serve others and most Muslims i know does not understand this virtue and consider work to be a means of achieving a higher status in life or the ability to visit the Holy land as many times than most simply because one can afford to do so.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to earn as much money as one possibly can in this life but from a spiritual point of view it is imperative that working for a living does not entail neglecting the primal cause of our being here and that is to worship God and servitude is the essence of worship for through serving we find our salvation, our sense of Compassion, our sense of Loving Kindness, our sense of Divinity. We come closer to God when we serve His creatures, His environment, His sanctity. (the state or quality of being holy, sacred, or saintly).

The 'Wise Men of Merbok.

If i had known this organic story 20 years ago i would have insisted that everyone in the village in Merbok grow their rice this way! How i wish i am twenty years younger! I was in the Military at one time too, you know ...

When I first met "The Captain"  or Major as some calls him for he was a major in the Malaysian Special Forces  at one time in his life, the Captain was not too happy things were not going the way he had envisioned. So in one of or conversations i told him to keep at it and when it is ripe and ready they will come looking for you. I took this from the movie with Cavin Costner called  a Field of Dreams. Although in the movie it was the building of a Baseball field or Diamond out on his farm instead of growing corn. 

A group of "Old timers " mostly farmers from a small town of Merbok came by, forty of them in all to learn about organic Rice Farming.. The captain gave a great spill on the subject and being an exp army guy he has his rough ways about handling people especially those who have preconceive ideas of what they expect from the talk.. 

The 'lecture hall looked like a classroom of adults who came for a religious gathering or ceramah. They each had their own  personality and it was something that i honed on into with the camera, I captured their essence  as they sat nonchalantly listening to the talk.

My interest in taking these pictures was to hopefully do some sketching from them in a later date. It would be a good study for my intended idea of creating a Malay character caricature for a cartoon strip. 

They plant one seedling at a time! Now who is going to do all that work? I am getting too old to be bent over all day long in the hot sun ? My bad back is already killing me just thinking about it.

All this while no one has told me that DuPont Bayer, Monbanto and all those major Western  suppliera of chemical fertilizers and pesticide were Jewish companies! This is not acceptable, it is Haram! What is he talking about the Conspiracy Theory? One world order? Who is the Illuminati guy? What has all this to do with a small farmer like me?!

I have lived this long without this organic stuff, why begin now? I will the younger generation dwell on it it is they who is going to inherit this project anyway.

It my nap time, all that long walks and hot sun is simply killing me!

Organic 'Rokok Daun?'  now that is an idea!

Planting the Earth.- The organic Way

The fruit of your labour after days , weeks and months of Dedication , Care and  Loving Kindness whether you realize them or not, you held it up with pride and not many notices it. You are the unsung hero who till the soil to feed the world living in practically anonymity at the edge of the planet where very few has ventured to visit.

When you are in touch with the soil you are not far from touching Mother Nature Herself. It is the smell of the soil that reminds you of your origin, that you were created from the earth and you will return to it Humbled.. There are many today living on this planet that has no idea what the soil really smells like much less what it feels like.

Nature has a sure way of healing your spirit when you are working in it. It makes you feel like you belong to this planet like this earth that you are handling itself is the  stuff of Its Spirit. As you kneel bowing to the ground you become one with the Whole, lost in silent contemplation.

For those who has no experience of working with their hands  buried in the soil they will never know what it feels like to touch nature, they will be strangers to the very substance that makes up a part of their body; one of the four elements of Earth, Wind, Fire and Water; the very stuff that will wrap them in the grave like a blanket..

With bent backs you  you toil, digging and planting each seed in one hole at a time with Loving Kindness and Tenderness like giving life to a child . With each seed you sang the hymn praising Allah for His bounties. and for the well being of your crop. You plant with hope and know what you are doing will be rewarded here on Earth and later in Heaven.

In the middle of the field on a hot day afternoon you are bent over  weeding , you know that it will not be long before the plants will bear the fruit of your labor but every step of the way you work with care and diligence making sure that nothing goes is left to chance.

To most, being a farmer is the last on the wish list of one's career and it is just about the lowest paying job on the market. It lack glamour and back breaking working from the crack of dawn and toiling till the setting of the sun.

But you feed the Kings and the paupers and they feed from your hands.  Yours is the most noble of vocation that without which there is hardly any life on this Planet. You hold the Key to a sustainable existence of the human race  in body, mind and spirit. As organic farmers you seek to heal a dying planet, to undo the damage that has been prophesied  by man to his own abode, I salute you Captain! 

Back from the Jungle into the Forest.

I am back, sitting in my son, Karim's room after clearing out all the garbage he had accumulated the past two weeks or so since i left and not to worry I did take pictures of the evidence of my son's sloppiness and his lack of consideration for himself as well as for those who has to pick after him. Sometimes i wonder if this was done out of spite or some kind of vendetta for having to live in such an environment. I fail to see the message other than the fact that it is either sheer laziness or taking for granted that someone like me will come and clean it up for him, which i did simply because I have to use the computer which is in his room. The room stinks of rotten food and not to mention unwashed and unmade bed, my son in short is a natural born slob! Funny how he takes very tedious care of how he looks and how he even smells every time he leaves the house!
The traffic outside is short of chaos even for a weekend and it is raining here too which makes it extra ugly. My nephews are doing the dishes returned from the catering job and they are as they are loud and boisterous over nothing punctuated by the clanking of pots and pans and the occasional splattering of  forks and spoons as they were thrown into some buckets. I am back! My two kids have left for work and my daughter left a message on face Book that she needs to talk about moving out of this place, yes, I look forward to it like a sore tooth. I suppose it is time for her to make her own decisions and how I wish Karim has the same spirit! Yes Sir, go find your own dump to live in Karim! OH how time flies when you are raising your kids, but not quite fast enough! I realize that I had just left one jungle and entered into another and am wondering which is more deadly! Or which is more depressing.

My retreat this time was a little more productive in a sense that i had been able to truly catch glimpses of what being in a state of complete mindfulness or consciousness where thoughts had finally dissipated into  the silence of the forest around me where even the nights sounds of bugs and frogs seems to have been silenced into an eerie feeling of emptiness and then out of nowhere I felt the closeness to my Lord and the need to say how much i appreciate just being there in His presence.I  effortlessly cried from my heart not being able to hold back the sadness that followed as i saw my children and my past fleetingly before me. I felt alone like i had never felt before and i felt lonely missing all those that had gone on before me, my parents and my late wife. Sitting there in the semi darkness of the hut and doing my Zikr i felt the presence of that which was indescribably beautiful, the feeling of 'Lightness of Being."
I felt like i could have stayed there for the rest of my time here on this planet but i knew too that it too will pass and i had no choice but to go with the flow of  time and circumstances and my still hanging sense of responsibility towards the well being of my children as they are still at the stage of not totally free to handle life on their own. I may not be much of a help when it comes to money matters but I can be present in times of psycho-emotional needs. Even as I am writing all this I am hoping that they will find the time to take a sneak at what is being shared here and hopefully it will be of help in some small ways and lead them towards a greater life than what i had. My experiences at the 'Farm' are small episodes of my personal attempts to further discover the depth my consciousness which then allows for my being able to share it in my blogging as well as in my creative art. I have always that for original works of art to manifest it is imperative that one dive deep inot the sub-conscious mind and mine the mother lode of creative energy that is lying dormant there. This diving takes many forms albeit naturally or by artificial means such as drugs and alcohol. It is my intention that i mine my store of creative energy through my faith and worship of my Lord and by His blessings and grace that i can freely allow for the creative energy to flow out of me without any restriction through doubts or hesitation for he is by my side in my entire journey and I can go no wrong or feel any fear knowing the He is never far from where i am at any given moment.
Although i know of this in the past, i never felt it as i did  while i was sitting there alone in the hut at the foothills of Lintang organic farm with my Indonesian friend Shawal sleeping in the next hut close by.

Forgotten were the aches and pains of my body like they were never there  but i had been awoken at three in the morning by the very pains that i had almost screamed from. I sat with each and every single pain in my arms, my shoulders my chest and slowly but surely they melted into emptiness and i felt at the end of it all the sense of well being and light. Yes, they say that the pain we suffer from are the teachers that helps us to become aware of who we are and what we are capable of if and when we have understood it for what it is; that we are beings of Light created in the Image of our Maker and endowed with all the attributes He has if only we can see it and taste that which is rightfully ours to begin with. These glimpses are more than a boon for me and my journey here for the past two weeks is well worth every step of the way.
All I can say to those who aspire to seek that which is inherent within each and every one of us, that which is the Divine, that which is the essence of who we truly are, call it by what name you wish but it isa surely there and you just have to look, knock and ask and it will be at your bidding at he end of your journey when you have earned the rights of passage to be who you truly are, That which Is; even if it last with the span of a lightning flash, it is there. What a waste it would be to have gone through life and not touch this awesome moment that many seek but few discover. The Prophets, the saints the great Rishis, the Masters of old and New, they all had touched and been touched by this Grace and you too are eligible to have this experience if you so desie and as the Gautama the Buddha is said to have said, "In this human existence , waste not your time.", for enlightenment is possible here and now through this form.

What is Ubi Gadong?= even Malaysians have not heard of it.

 The soaked chopped up Ubi Gadong is strained and poured into a sprayer container. Although not seriously poisonous it is advisable to handle this material with caution.

The liquid is then sprayed all over the plants.

It is said that during the hunger years of  the Japanese invasion of this country this root was being processed and consumed by the locals in order to subsidize the lack of regular staples like rice and so on.. However the method of preparing the root takes a whole lot of work as it can be detrimental to the health.
 Dioscorea daemona (atau D. hispada Dennst.^[1], D. hirsuta Dennst., Dioscorea triphylla Auct. )

The root is being chopped up and soaked in order to extract the juice or sap from the root that will be used to spray on to the padi. This entry is just for own personal information so that i can share it with those who ask of this subject in the future,. like what do you use as insecticide for the plants? This is only one of the method as there are other means too like growing flower plants along the edges to attract insects.

Ubi Gadong is a creeper plant with thorns on the stems and leaves.. 

This is what a processed Ubi gadong would look like when prepared as food for consumption.

Soak the chopped up pieces  for about two to three hours before use.

We All Have to Eat!

We all have to eat!

Bending over in the mud planting seedlings. Doing my part to feed the world!

It is pass a week now and I am still here living the life of a madman out in the boonies as they say in America with mosquitoes and leeches for company. But I am also beginning to find myself finally settling down from the rush of the City life as my thoughts are struggling to remain in my consciousness as i attend to them one after another with my 'Bare Attention " practice and my Zikr while meditation. My body too is going through some major changes from what use to be a localized pain in the left shoulder and arms has now spread all over my body like the whole bone structure is being burned from within. However this too has given me a goo lesson as I am able

Almost daily lunch and dinner. Tilapia ready to be fried. This is the one available source of food for me other than MAGGI Mee!

Hot Rice is always good to have when you have little else.

 now to completely erase these aches and pains simply by my concentrated breathing techniques. Yes, I believe it is working and last night or this early morning like three in the morning I found that out. The mind through right breathing can cause the body to be at ease and experience no discomfort much less pain, but it is not a permanent thing, at least not yet. I know that it is possible to create a thorough healing process through mind control. It is somehow not quite right I fell to call it as such, for mind control implies using the mind to control the body or the pain, it is more than that, it is a matter of allowing for things to happen on its own perhaps more by acceptance. I usually am woken up in the middle of the night or sometimes at three in the morning and and my whole body would just be in terrible aches and sharp shooting pains so much so i could hardly ,move. Then I would sit and wrap myself up in my blanket and breath slowly paying attention to the rise and fall of my stomach untill I almost nod off to sleep again, but i kept myself awake and recite a few verse from the Koran and continue doing my Zikr, Usually i just say out the Names of Allah just to keep my mind from drifting off into sleep land. After awhile the struggle would end and I find myself in a ore peaceful state of mind and I can almost feel my aches and pains drifting off from my body,

Took a walk at the crack of dawn.

The farm is still struggling to stay afloat especially now that their main supporter has pulled out their support. MARDI, OR The Malaysian Argriculture and Research Institute, has decided that the Korprasi Belantik which owns the SRI LOVELY farm does not qualify to receive any for of aids from them for some technical reasons. Most of it has to do with MARDI claiming the whole project as being under their jusrisdiction and they were the prime mover of the project, in short it was all their ideas. It makes me sick to the stomach when I learn that even the refrigerator that MARDI had donated to the farm was taken back along with all kinds of tools and equipment. It makes me feel like htese guys are like children who gets real mad when you do not play by their rules and when comes to shove they take away all the toys they had share before when all were according to their prospect and who is MARDI? The Government! It is OUR WAY or NO Way!

Today this organic project is well known in many countries including Japan, Korea, India, Cambodia, the Philipines and Germany and many others where a movement of back to organic farming is becoming more of a choice instead of the use of Chemical Fertilizers and insecticides that kills all except the main crop. Most of the cultivated rice land in Malaysia are using the modern day method whereby the soil is fed with chemicals that not only is bad for the soil itself but also destroys the rest of the ecosystem around it. More birds and insects have become practically extinct in the last 20 years than the last twenty thousand years! This has to stop somewhere and this ia why I am here too, it is my way of saving the environment, my last effort having to do with voluntary involvement in the environmental battle for survival of the Planet.

And when it is said to them, "Do not cause corruption on the earth," they say, "We are but reformers."

Surat Al-Baqarah (The Cow)

Who am I kidding?

One of my main purpose of  making my retreat this time is to try to purify myself mentally and physically if not spiritually, but it is almost a week now and all i am dealing with are rumblings from age old thought processes that seems to haunt my mind and keep me from doing any proper meditations or even perform my 'Solat' or prayer! Ancient twisted karmas as the Buddhist would call them, those karmic consequences that are so deep rooted in my past that I cannot even begin to relate some of them of how bad they were, but, they are there and will keep me occupied for as long as i am alive and to reconcile with as much as i can is the reason to be sitting here and doing my meditation and Zikr, and trying to perform my solat as best i can and keeping my thoughts from running wild with regrets and self mortification,
I have been living of Maggy Mee, noodles and rice with soy souce as I have run out of money and my friend Shawal has also been chipping in for us to survive. In the mornings i have my Quaker Oats and sometimes would also have a boiled egg to go with but most of the day it has been keeping it on a low budget subsistence. It has been a good lesson for me to be where I am at and the situation I am in. I tried to share my feelings with my Indonesian young friend who is worried himself about how to earn enough ot return and get married in Aceh. I was hoping that my sob stories would help him to forget a little of his own problems. We talked of how the locals are facing a very tough time in their daily life with the drop in the rubber prices to such an all time low. You can almost feel it in the air when you visit the shops or talk to people. I can feel it among the guys who work at the farm as they go about their daily task, they seem less joyful and almost depressed. What is the government doing about this situation? Not a whole lot according to most of those who I talk to and it5 seems things are not going to get any better as the rain keeps pouring day in day out.
I am still experiencing some cold and has taken just about every action to challenge the situation like taking cold bath and a swim in the cold river when I do not feel well and sometimes it helps but often times it raises hell all over my parts like I am having a major over haul of some kind. This is when I put my meditation into action by focusing my mind on finding the points of origin and working out each aching part till they dissipate. I am perhaps playing with fire as i am sure it has passed the time when I should visit a doctor as i am sure i am suffering from one kind of major illness or another, but I just have to ride it out as I intend to put my practice to test, like see if it really works, the i can heal myself with my mind. After all those years of putting my faith and belief in such practices as the Raja Yoga and The Power of Suggestion and so forth what good would it do to just run off into the Doctor's office to find out that I have cancer of the whatever, or that I have high blood pressure with Diabetes and kidney malfunction etc..  most of which I am sure I most probably do have after all the abuses i have put my body through to get where i am. However if I am to die of anything it might as well be through my own making and on my own terms, if I can help it. I have given up smoking and drinking and against my own free will women! So by right I should be somewhere on the healthy side of life and all these minor aches and pains I will just have to take them as they come and call if part of getting old. For so long as i can still walk up the hills on a cold misty morning and work up a sweat, I think I am still doing okay. What is of more critical issue at hand is to deal with this rascal of a mind that I have throughout my life helped to propagate and now has taken a life of its own or so it seems. This is primarily why I am here as it would almost be impossible to be in this state of consciousness if I were living back in  Penang where there is just too much sidetracks and distractions, too many easy way out and no answers forthcoming. So on we gooooo.

To Each His Own...

It is pouring cats and dogs outside here in Belantik, and i am still feeling the feverish cold with runny nose, sore throat, and the achy feeling all over,r but got here to the cyber cafe to get some real work done, hee hee. Very early this morning woke up at the crack of dawn and decided to give my physical m manifestation a challenge like, so you feel like having a bead cold eh? Well, let's have a chill,y cold bath from the river and really give us s cause to brag about where colds are concerned! After that, i felt great for a bit and decided in the early misty morning to take a long walk up into the hills further than I had been before, and it was invigorating to say the least. The air was chilly and filled with sound of the gibbons or mawas screaming from way high above the forest trees n the distant and birds off all kinds far and near; no traffic, no horns honking, no ambulance siren, no pots and pans being thrown bout below my window like where i was in Penang. My mind does not give up though, still hankering over minor details as to how my kids are faring out by themselves, and what is my eldest boy doing with his married life and the one in the Swiss Alps, what was he up to at the moment.
I decide to count my breath while i walked very slowly taking my time step by step, and if this failed to bring my mind into the present moment, i resorted to the Zikr. or hymns from the Koran, counting my beads.

I wish i could load some pictures as i write, as I am sure it makes it more real than just trying to visualize from writing alone, as the Malaysian forest is awesome sometimes, especially early in the morning when it is waking up. I could almost feel my mind giving way to the quiet and peaceful morning as i felt my stepping back from the thinking mode and becoming an observer of all that was passing through my mind, most of which were egotistical in nature and origin. What if, what could have, what should have, what will why, why not, which as always ends up to the who am I? I also realized that the feverish feeling was more of a help as it makes me more aware of my physical state of being and how it influenced my emotions over the past few months. I was feeling lethargic and eating like a hog, whatever that came my way which was not hard to do in Penang, the Food capital of the World, while living right at a restaurant did not help either as there were tons of leftovers at the end of the day to choose from. I know i should not complain and no i am not, but i also know when I am going down hill with a beer belly while not drinking any beer and spending my days hugging the computer or struggling to do a painting just to fill up my time. No, sir, it was time to change, and with or without money, I was determined to make this retreat into the forest refuge and commune with nature and the unseen.

Back at the Organic Farm in Lintang.

Today is my second day at the Lintang Organic Farm, or better known as SRI LOVELY where i have decided to be my retreat or as some who are ever so ready to cut me down would call it my escape. Om my arrival the first day i met a lovlet young lady who was a visiting student from Keningau, Sabah. in East Malaysia.She was here to study the organic padi growing techniques among other things. I fell in love! Everything about her made me feel like i was twenty years younger! How God created the most out of this world people and what a temptation they are on the old man! I say all these with a sense of humor off course, however she was a delightful person to talk to, a pleasant change.

Ratty from Kinigau, Sabah she will be a great organic farmer one day and the pride of her people.

This morning another pleasant surprise when my buddy Shawal the Indonesian from Aceh turned up with the silly grin on his face, but this this soon turned into a morose when he started relating hi ordeals having to deal with Immigration as hew tried getting back into the country. After listening to his stories i set him to work making rows for the vegetable patch. Slowly but surely he got right back into the groove and became less dejected. I used myself as an example of how I needed to work in order to heal my own restless mind and body. I am not doing too well myself and the only way to deal with this kind of situation is to take it head on and so here I am back in the jungle where the only sound I hear at night is the insects and occasional howling of this or that creature somewhere out there and the constant rush of the river which is a little louder now because it has been raining up in the hills.

Moses

The torture begins with all kinds of aches and pains manifesting from sleeping in the cold and leaky hut and from the resurfacing of immediate episodes of dramas between my children and I. I left the mouse in Penang late in the evening after a minor confrontation with my daughter over who cooks better beef.  l left also that is what i had in mind to do as soon as she was settled because i needed to remove myself from the place and allow for her and my son to settle down between themselves and work things out with dad not around to do the laundry and dishes and send and pick the up from work and make sure there is something to eat for them  But most of all I needed to continues with my deep meditation practice which is headed towards my genuine submission to Islam and Allah, Lord of the Worlds. I find that to do this i have to affect change in my life style as the one I was in was drifting towards lackadaisical and decadent of mind and spirit.
So with my daughter's help i threw some stuff into the car and went over to my neighbor's to borrow RM50 for the gas and highway Toll, but she gave me RM100 and told me it is a gift not a loan so i do not have to worry about paying back, Muslims take this into consideration  seriously such that if by chance I die on my journey I will not be in debt to her. I gave fifty to my daughter for her to make it through the next few days till her first pay cheque. I tried to express how I felt to her I needed to do this not because i was avoiding her but it was for me personally, my own well being mentally and physically. I hope she understands it fully and as for my son, he seems to be into his own world of Face Book and whatever else that he did not even ask nor say proper goodbye. So I take it as another omen that he too has broken free from my cares.

Breakfast of Champions!

Had a high fever and terrible headache second night so spent most of the night getting in touch with my body finding the balance again of the elements through deep meditation. This body is made up of Earth, Water, wind and fire and then there is Consciousness a consciousness of the presence of  these elements and their interdependence and how when one i out of proportion the body suffers an imbalance. I one of my meditation practices I would send an affirmations or some calls it auto suggestions to my mind saying, like "I am the Master of my Body, Speech and Mind. and this I do almost every night and whenever else I remember along with other affirmations and this actually is from the teachings of the Raja Yoga or Yoga of the Mind which I learned since I was a young adult. What this is suppose to do is to 'educate the mind' and it is also to train the millons of cells in the brain to function accordingly. Does it work? WallahuAllam, God only knows, but I just assume it does as even as i am sitting here at the cyber cafe at the edge of the universe entering my blog I know it works.
Today being Friday I was just at the mosque and am hungry, so i will continue writng some other time when I get a chance to drive out here from Lintang organic farm three KM away in the foothills where the tigers still roam.
Peace!

The End of Knowledge.

I have been listening to the debates between Christians and Muslims of late as part of my progress towards a better understanding of  the Monotheistic religions of Judeo, Christian and Islam and the more I listen to the many debaters and preachers from all over the world the more i am getting flabbergasted, not so much confused but just simply astonished at so much noise raised by all parties in order to prove whose religion or whose prophet is right or wrong at the end of the day. I am not one to memorize quotes from the Biblical text or Quranic verses or  any of the religious Books but from what i hear my mind simply reels with overload of numbers and verses more than what is being said. I am not agreeing with nor am I opposed to any of the thoughts and ideas being presented by these highly learned and often passionate presenters, but i am more bemused by the fact that from all that i am hearing I still am not convince as to how all these would help me with my Lord, the One that i believe in and pray to. I have accepted my faith in Islam with no doubt and worship Allah, end of story, filed and encrypted into my memory bank. I arrived at this faith through my own journey of self discovery and in getting to know who I am through various religions and practices in my life, I studied religions before i committed to my faith. I studied myself as i studied the religions and I studied all the other sciences that is out there to verify my understanding of my faith and now I am at a point where i can safely say yes indeed, I am a Muslim by faith and understanding. However I have yet to experience what i is to be a perfect Muslim or if I even qualify to be considered Jannah or Heaven when I die, but suffice to say I feel i have arrived at the gate.
Why do i spend hours listening to all there is that is available on You Tube and read all there is on the Internet about these religious issues like one who is still looking for something when he has already found what he is looking for? Perhaps ii is because i may have found what i think I am looking for, but it may still be looking for me. I have had my whole life to ascertain the truth to what i am looking for in terms of my 'salvation' or my state of liberation or whatever it was in the beginning when my heart and mind decided that I was in need of such a thing. But along the way i discovered all the various sideshows and roadside attractions, I discovered Atheism and Philosophy and Science and I discovered Zen Buddhism and Hinduism and Christianity and Sufism and Taoism and Judaism and then there was  J.Krishnamurti and Alan Watts and Swami Ramana Maharshi and Yogananda, and the rest of them so many and so diverse that till today i am who I am because of my long journey of self seeking faith finding journey that has ended with the One, Ahad, Allah. I have given up on all the theories and texts that the wise men of the religion of the Book are arguing over whose God is right or whose Prophet was greater, I don't need to waste my time anymore other than just to seek greater insight into the what I already hold to be true.In essence I have burned all my books and my bridges behind me where my faith is concern.
If you are a Hindu, be a good Hindu, if you are be a Buddha, if you are a Christian become like Christ and if you are Muslim submit your will to Him and take none other than Him as your Lord. Life is about living in this world and being of use to it in any way you can, life is servitude to others to serve those in need. Life is about Love and Compassion, life is about living with greater awareness of who you are in relation to the rest of the universe around you. When you have fully lived life I feel you will find that to which your faith belongs, until then you are merely existing, occupying time and space till the day you die perhaps still wondering who is right and who is wrong.

Thus Vedanta means "the end of knowledge". Vedanta is that highest spritual knowledge knowing which, there remains nothing further to be known. It is Self knowledge (Atmavidya). It is knowledge of the Absolute Truth (Brahmavidya). Vedanta teaches the real or essential nature of God, the universe, and the individual being (Self) and its oneness with God. 

I am using this quote of the Vedanta simply because it expresses what I am trying to say more better.

"So, so you think you can tell...Heaven from Helll... Blue skies from pale..."
Pink Floyd...Wish You Were Here.

My Daughter is Back!

Patience is a virtue that one can never talk enough of and I have been subjected to a whole lot grief on account of not having enough patience in my past life. Due to this lack of this  moral courage to have patience when I most sorely need to i have lost many great friendships and people who matters most in my life through one fault or another. I have made many unmitigated decisions through being in a rush or impatient making what was not so serious into a more deadly issue and this sometimes ends up in a physical confrontation of which I would always walk away feeling like a damn fool. Again perhaps it is part of growing old that i have slowly but surely come to see better how i end up loosing my tempers due to my lack of patience or i get all hyped up simply because i never gave time a chance to work things out for itself. Of late I am seeing how problems in my life that i thought were in dire need to be tended to immediately  dissipate and to my pleasant surprise solve itself on its own without me having much to do about it, except feeling a little guilt that such a thing could be possible.
 Marissa, my daughter has completed her studies and was returning home and i knew of this a bout a month earlier and so there i was tossing and turning and wondering what to do as the days gets closer, but at the same time  a part of me said, here is where you put your practice to the test, leave it to Allah to make things happen. I needed money to go to get her and all her four years of accumulated things and i needed to get some kind of transportation or perhaps by bus, and so on and  so on till i exhausted myself but in the end manage to get just enough to buy me a bus ticket to and fro. I managed to sell to my friends two of my small pieces of artworks and was ready to purchase the ticket when i called her and found out that she had a ride home with one of her close friend and not to worry about money! So what do i say, oh well Such Is. Thank You Lord for little favors, had i only be a little more patient and have a little more faith. But I was not very convince and so needed to have a back up plan just in case and so i approached my artist friends who were also much in financial need themselves to help me out. Was it because i was willing to be honest about my situation with them or was it because a part of me wanted to believe that my Lord does care that things happen the way they did, just pure coincidence? I want to believe, i need to believe as i see more and more madness manifesting around me all over the world. I need to believe even in the smallest of His miracles or Grace because without which I seem bleak and  dark days ahead for me and my fellow man.

“Prayer of an Anonymous Abbess:

"Lord, thou knowest better than myself that I am growing older and will soon be old. Keep me from becoming too talkative, and especially from the unfortunate habit of thinking that I must say something on every subject and at every opportunity.

Release me from the idea that I must straighten out other peoples' affairs. With my immense treasure of experience and wisdom, it seems a pity not to let everybody partake of it. But thou knowest, Lord, that in the end I will need a few friends.

Keep me from the recital of endless details; give me wings to get to the point.

Grant me the patience to listen to the complaints of others; help me to endure them with charity. But seal my lips on my own aches and pains -- they increase with the increasing years and my inclination to recount them is also increasing.

I will not ask thee for improved memory, only for a little more humility and less self-assurance when my own memory doesn't agree with that of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be wrong.

Keep me reasonably gentle. I do not have the ambition to become a saint -- it is so hard to live with some of them -- but a harsh old person is one of the devil's masterpieces.

Make me sympathetic without being sentimental, helpful but not bossy. Let me discover merits where I had not expected them, and talents in people whom I had not thought to possess any. And, Lord, give me the grace to tell them so.

Amen” 
― Margot Benary-Isbert