Back from the Jungle into the Forest.

I am back, sitting in my son, Karim's room after clearing out all the garbage he had accumulated the past two weeks or so since i left and not to worry I did take pictures of the evidence of my son's sloppiness and his lack of consideration for himself as well as for those who has to pick after him. Sometimes i wonder if this was done out of spite or some kind of vendetta for having to live in such an environment. I fail to see the message other than the fact that it is either sheer laziness or taking for granted that someone like me will come and clean it up for him, which i did simply because I have to use the computer which is in his room. The room stinks of rotten food and not to mention unwashed and unmade bed, my son in short is a natural born slob! Funny how he takes very tedious care of how he looks and how he even smells every time he leaves the house!
The traffic outside is short of chaos even for a weekend and it is raining here too which makes it extra ugly. My nephews are doing the dishes returned from the catering job and they are as they are loud and boisterous over nothing punctuated by the clanking of pots and pans and the occasional splattering of  forks and spoons as they were thrown into some buckets. I am back! My two kids have left for work and my daughter left a message on face Book that she needs to talk about moving out of this place, yes, I look forward to it like a sore tooth. I suppose it is time for her to make her own decisions and how I wish Karim has the same spirit! Yes Sir, go find your own dump to live in Karim! OH how time flies when you are raising your kids, but not quite fast enough! I realize that I had just left one jungle and entered into another and am wondering which is more deadly! Or which is more depressing.

My retreat this time was a little more productive in a sense that i had been able to truly catch glimpses of what being in a state of complete mindfulness or consciousness where thoughts had finally dissipated into  the silence of the forest around me where even the nights sounds of bugs and frogs seems to have been silenced into an eerie feeling of emptiness and then out of nowhere I felt the closeness to my Lord and the need to say how much i appreciate just being there in His presence.I  effortlessly cried from my heart not being able to hold back the sadness that followed as i saw my children and my past fleetingly before me. I felt alone like i had never felt before and i felt lonely missing all those that had gone on before me, my parents and my late wife. Sitting there in the semi darkness of the hut and doing my Zikr i felt the presence of that which was indescribably beautiful, the feeling of 'Lightness of Being."
I felt like i could have stayed there for the rest of my time here on this planet but i knew too that it too will pass and i had no choice but to go with the flow of  time and circumstances and my still hanging sense of responsibility towards the well being of my children as they are still at the stage of not totally free to handle life on their own. I may not be much of a help when it comes to money matters but I can be present in times of psycho-emotional needs. Even as I am writing all this I am hoping that they will find the time to take a sneak at what is being shared here and hopefully it will be of help in some small ways and lead them towards a greater life than what i had. My experiences at the 'Farm' are small episodes of my personal attempts to further discover the depth my consciousness which then allows for my being able to share it in my blogging as well as in my creative art. I have always that for original works of art to manifest it is imperative that one dive deep inot the sub-conscious mind and mine the mother lode of creative energy that is lying dormant there. This diving takes many forms albeit naturally or by artificial means such as drugs and alcohol. It is my intention that i mine my store of creative energy through my faith and worship of my Lord and by His blessings and grace that i can freely allow for the creative energy to flow out of me without any restriction through doubts or hesitation for he is by my side in my entire journey and I can go no wrong or feel any fear knowing the He is never far from where i am at any given moment.
Although i know of this in the past, i never felt it as i did  while i was sitting there alone in the hut at the foothills of Lintang organic farm with my Indonesian friend Shawal sleeping in the next hut close by.

Forgotten were the aches and pains of my body like they were never there  but i had been awoken at three in the morning by the very pains that i had almost screamed from. I sat with each and every single pain in my arms, my shoulders my chest and slowly but surely they melted into emptiness and i felt at the end of it all the sense of well being and light. Yes, they say that the pain we suffer from are the teachers that helps us to become aware of who we are and what we are capable of if and when we have understood it for what it is; that we are beings of Light created in the Image of our Maker and endowed with all the attributes He has if only we can see it and taste that which is rightfully ours to begin with. These glimpses are more than a boon for me and my journey here for the past two weeks is well worth every step of the way.
All I can say to those who aspire to seek that which is inherent within each and every one of us, that which is the Divine, that which is the essence of who we truly are, call it by what name you wish but it isa surely there and you just have to look, knock and ask and it will be at your bidding at he end of your journey when you have earned the rights of passage to be who you truly are, That which Is; even if it last with the span of a lightning flash, it is there. What a waste it would be to have gone through life and not touch this awesome moment that many seek but few discover. The Prophets, the saints the great Rishis, the Masters of old and New, they all had touched and been touched by this Grace and you too are eligible to have this experience if you so desie and as the Gautama the Buddha is said to have said, "In this human existence , waste not your time.", for enlightenment is possible here and now through this form.