Keep on Digging deeper into the heart.

What did I learn about myself from being at the Zen Monastery for almost two? 
I was a homeless when I left the Green Gulch Zen community and thanks to my friend Joshua Bowes and his girlfriend Shirsten who  lived in a small garage converted to living accomodation on the corner of Haight and Ashbury located close to the edge of the Golden Gate Park, I had a temporary shelter sleeping under their kitchen table. Josh was a regular visitor to Green Gulch and we had become very close friends and so when he found out I was booted out of the monastery he offered me shelter while i was in transition to the outside world. I remember the AARDVARK clothing store was across the street on the corner of Haight and Ashbury and the GAP store being on the same side of the street as Josh's home and 
my favorite Chinese restaurant, Hunan on Haight next to it.

Josh a few days later introduced me to his friend Will Harris Jr. with the idea that i worked for him at cleaning his yard at his house in Piedmont and thus began my life with H&H Ship Services and Environmental Services located on China Basin off Third Street in downtown San Francisco's waterfront. It lasted six years where from my first assignment as a sweeper, in one year I was the 'Yard Superintendent' answerable to the company's president and my salary doubled in that time period. I attribute my rise from the prospect of being a homeless to living the 'life of Riley', to my Zen Mind Beginner's Mind.  

I will spare the details to this episode in my life to save myself from repetitious posting as i am sure I have written about my H&H life several times in the past, just look it up. However the reason I wrote a little of this a Zen group I joined on fb; the American Zen. I have become a member of three different discussion groups all related to Buddhism and am enjoying getting to touch base many Zen practitioners, sharing their ideas and perceptions over the subject. I find that it is one way from me to keep myself informed as well as my mind challenged so it is at least focused upon a fruitful and creative endeavor instead of drifting into old age and decadence with nothing worth to show for. On looking a far back as when I started my Blogging some ten years ago i also realize that i have improved my skills at writing. Thoughts and ideas fall into place as i write sometimes with no effort at all. I also have a better handle upon the subject matter of what i am writing without losing sight of my main intention from the beginning, which is in esense, self discovery.

After all these years what do I hope to gain from all these writings? Am I any better or worse than I was tn years ago or twenty for that matter? How much have i changed and what have I truly discovered about who I am, my faith my belief, my understanding my relationship with others, my habits and dependencies, what truly matters about me in the long run? How many lives have i disappointed and how many friendship and trusts have I betrayed in the course of being who I am and how do i reconcile with myself and with my Maker over these matters? I can safely say that i have no concrete answers to all of these questions and issues but i know one thing for sure and that is i have dived deeper than most to discover what or how i have traveled this journey thus far towards unlocking as much as it is within my means, of the mysteries of my life or what makes it tick. I will never tire myself of digging to the very roots of my karmic or psychic existence leaving no stone unturned if this is what it takes to attain liberation from this cycle of life -death and rebirth.