Will you still love me, will you still feed me..when I'm seventy?

As long as I can remember I have always felt like a mixed up kid who is lost and scared wondering what the hell is going on around me and always expecting shit to happen to me.: I still do. How does one suppose to feel at seventy? How is one suppose to act or behave when you are about to turn seventy? Find a hole and crawl in and fall asleep with a thumb in your mouth or up you know know where? Never had a talk with anyone who is as old about it, not that I can remember, like someone telling me, when I was seventy I gave up being sixty or some shit like that. How come my mind is still thinking and acting like I am sixteen going fifteen? My body, well my physical form is off course showing signs of slowing down some, aches and pains everywhere just like an old fart, and yes, I do fart and burp allot, another sign of old age? Maybe so!

Again, it is the mind that dictates how old or how young i feel about myself. The heart is ancient, not as popularly understood as , "young at heart." The heart enclose the age old genetic code of my being on this planet, the inherent me as a handed down manifestation of my forefathers and theirs before them and thus my heart is the storehouse of my true nature even before I was actually conceived by my parents, if  I wish to go a little deeper into the matter at a more mystical . if not spiritual level. My heart is not for the purpose of pumping blood to all over the body, it is, "a temple of the living God." It is the inner sanctum of the Holy of Holies where the Divine spark is alight and remains so till the day I die. The spark will be released from its altar and returned to the source where it originated from. But before it can be returned fully, the light has to go through a purification process, the divine spark has to be released from the layers of crud, accumulated stains and impurities that I have been layering round it like a cocoon, so much so that it can hardly shine through; this light is needed to be polished off its grime and slime accumulated throughout my life. If I can connect the dots clearly, this purification act of polishing the heart has to be done while i am still alive and has the power to do so, otherwise it will be done for me and there's hell to pay when I am dead. A black heart is like a charcoal and inorder to bring back its lustre it has to be burned, In other words repent while you can or at least start cleaning up abit. As the Buddha is said to have said, "In this human form, don't waste time." 

Today, at my age I am witnessing my peers, those of my age or younger passing on  around me and it makes me think of my time is at hand too. If i make it to 70 next year it will be bonus, most of my friends have left this life much earlier. Perhaps it is wise to take advantage of this extra time that I am given to improve my track record with my Maker. I just saw a fb post of our former Prime Minister, Tun Dr, M at ninety with a cation that said he has been kept around so he can carry out an unfinished business and that being to topple the Najib led government. Perhaps it is true as only this old man can make things happen when it comes to politics in this country of ours. Perhaps if he can help to set the country back on its course, he might do himself a favor spiritually, as he too was guilty of many wrong doings when he was prime minister.

It is often said that life is too short to piss it all away on matters that are of not significance and irrelevant or that ti is too short to not have fun and make the most out of it, I am guilty of both. I am also guilty of being overly sensitive and often critical of myself. My friends used to point this out to me, like chill, Sam, don't be too hard on yourself, or you think too much, or stop analyzing life and just live it, why don't you. Turning seventy does makes me realize a great deal of it is true and that I have to make some changes, like shift to a lower gear and drive a little more cautiously and stop staring at women's butt and focus on what is at hand more so than what is beyond my reach. Oh well, what else is there to do otherwise anyway?      

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