It is not out there - it is in here.

After my fajr or morning prayer I listened to J.Krishnamurti's audio book on You Tube and as usual the old man has his way of getting me to the core of the matter when it comes to knowing the self or the workings of the mind. By right after having been so much influenced by his thoughts and ideas over the years i should by now have openly declared myself an atheist; I am a coward, I need to believe in God. In which case I am a believer out of fear and not out of genuine faith; I am still harboring doubts and not absolutely surrendered in my will to the will of my Lord. Not a good state to be in at my age, but as one who is on the road towards the ultimate truth, whatever that may be at the end of my days. I am determined to keep prying and digging into these issues of faith and beliefs, of  truth and consequences, perhaps to the very end  

It all boils down to the mind and thoughts in particular, the fundamental question of the self or the true nature of being, is tied up simultaneously to the nature of thoughts and thinking, of identification and assumption. As much as  would like to adopt K's thoughts and ideas about life, i still have much reservations with it like it is not the whole truth, it lacks a sense of balance in making a complete whole, like where spirituality and science meets in complement and not in diametrical opposites to each other. Philosophy is not to obliterate faith but to help with a better understanding of it, and religion has its moral virtues in maintaining a sense of order to the masses of humanity and whether if God exist or not is of a personal nature to each and every individual and this is the essence of self discovery; there is no right or wrong ways about it, it simply Is. To try to solve the mysteries of the human nature in its entirety with one or two thought provoking ideas or principles is as futile as trying to eat a durian fruit without removing its skin.

Despite all the knowledge and exposures of what is true or otherwise, reality is as elusive and slippery as an eel and to catch a glimpse of it every now and then does not constitute as the answers to all. Like the shifting sands of the desert, or the impermanent nature of thoughts, nothing can be held on to as reality or the truth; one simply has to keep on digging into what is not in order to find what is. For so long as one is breathing and looking for an answer to satisfy one's heart and soul, to this question of, Who or what am I, one is compelled to leave no stone unturned and no doubts lingering as to one's final stand on one's 'dharma position', or that primal ground from which one professes oneself to a human being and make the declaration if there is God or not  where one's personal understanding is concern;'and the truth shall set you free.'

The truth is not according to J.Krishnamurti nor is it in the words of the Christ or the Bhagavad Gita, it is not in Holy scriptures nor in the teachings of the Buddha or the Hadiths of the Prophet of Allah; the truth is in all these, it is hidden among them to be discovered by one who seeks for it. Not Mooji Baba nor Sai Baba, not Ekhart Tolle nor Carl Jung, not Einstein nor Deepak Chopra or Michio Kaku has the final say about the whole absolute truth; the truth will only reveal itself from within your own heart where it has been residing since the beginning; look within and discover that which is you and only you will recognize that which Is. Abandoning all hope, thoughts and ideas, knock on the gate of your inner sanctum and enter, therein ask and you shall be given that which is truly yours; that which has always been and will always be, who you truly are.