Of Buddhism and Islam.

It is 4 in the morning and i have been up opting the night sleep for the sleeping it out during the day. This switching back and forth of my sleeping habit is nothing new and is indeed part of my experiment and practice in order to dig deeper into my mental state by disrupting any form of normality to my physical and mental habits. I am repeating this information to myself as i must have done this numerous times in my Blog entries in the past. The hour is crucial in my practice as it is when I perform my Ishak solat or the  late evening solat and then followed by two rakats of voluntary or 'tahajub' prayer. I used to do this in the past off and on according to my whims and mood or how i felt towards God and religion, or if and when I felt like it. No, I was never a 'good' Muslim. I have issues with my Lord and I know fully well i will answer for my pride and arrogance comes judgement day.
No I am not trying to get 'brownie points from my extra zealousness in trying hard to pray five times a day, but yes i have my worries that the consequences of my doubts will be not so good when I die. One of my brothers reminded me ever so clearly that Islam has no compromise, this was the epic discussion between us on the religion, just the ultimate threat. So my relationship with my Maker is very personal indeed, it has been a love hate relationship, one that is like a father and a very pissed off son. However, and I say this with all sincerity and faith, that i have my believe in the Lord's Mercy and Compassion at the very core of my heart. I sincerely believe that it is through His will that i have lived my life as I have had and still do. At every end of my prayer I always ask for forgiveness and that i be protected from evil, and that my children be safe wherever they be and that my Lord forgive the sins of my parents and my late wife and place them among the Muslims in His heaven. I also surrender my will unto Him and thankful for all that has been given to me especially my good health. 
What have i got to loose? I am barely making up for my years of going against God's will and perhaps its is too late to repent, but I am repenting and not because any Imam says so or that I fear for my life after death, no, i ave alwado it simply because i believe. I have always believed and even in my darkest moment of my soul and I point my middle finger at my Lord in anger, I believed perhaps even more so. No doubt I was raised a Buddhist for twelve years of my life until I was converted to Islam, however I grew up  among Muslims all those twelve years, I watched my grandmother prayed every day never missing a prayer of five times a day; I was a Muslim at heart while being raised a Buddhist. I value Buddhism for its practical teachings about how to deal with my physical and emotional life and I value Islam with my relationship with my Maker.