Death is our Graduation Day from this School of Life.

 I have stood by gravesides on many occasion where i attended the funeral of my departed friends and relatives and being a Muslim I have a good sense of what lay in store for my fellow Muslim Brothers and sisters when  and after one is laid to final rest, at least according to the teachings of Islam. It is the practice in Islam that the physical human is put in the ground soonest possible upon dying. The body is laid in the ground about six feet by three and in a wooden coffin made of the softest wood available. Also the corpse is placed in such a way as to face the Holy Land of mecca and the Kaaba and that it is brought into contact with the earth around it as much as possible unlike the Chinese and other cultures whereby thick an expensive coffins are being used to keep the body from decay much more longer. Death in this physical sense is treated with as little attachment as possible, the whole idea is to return the body to the soil soonest possible, earth to earth, dust to dust.

What becomes to the soul of a Muslim who dies? It is said that after the last three steps away from the grave has been taken by the last person at the site, tow angels would arrive to take care of business of the afterlife; time to work out the registration process. After the whole process of burial is completed, the Imam or Ustaz present will read the 'Talqin' or the recitation of Shahadah and other creedal information or instructions to the deceased. It like the final instruction to the deceased as to what to expect and how react or answer to the questions that will be put to him/her. Much debate has been made over this practice over the years, however in my experience in attending a Muslim burial ceremony, this has been one of the practices common to the Muslim Malays. So as not to incriminate myself in sharing religious knowledge beyond my understanding i would ask anyone interested to Google it. Like Google, what is the Talqin or who are the two angels Munkar and Nakir who will appear to the dead at the moment of being buried. For every Devout Muslim this knowledge is crucial. Muslims in general are by virtue of their daily prayers of five times a day and for many including the zikr or chants of the Quranic verses as an added practice are well prepared towards facing the moments of death. They are spiritually and psychologically in tune with the remembrance of Allah and in taking refuge in His Grace and Mercy when facing the final moments of their lives. The mind in this moments is focused only on God and not subjected to fear or confusion and thus will face death with complete acceptance and surrender in their faith.

To most devout Muslims death is a welcome event as it heralds the end of one dimension of life and opens up a whole new dimension where the well being of the soul is guided by their faithful worship of the Divine and in surrendering to that which is the Creator. I have witnessed many final moments of death happening before me among my fellow Muslim family and friends and the support that was given by those present no doubt aids in the process through reminding the dying person of his or her true belonging and what to hold on to at the final moment. T recitations of the verses from the Quran by family members and friends keeps the mind from being hijacked by fear and confusion. The dying person often leaves the body in peace unless he or she is in physical pain due to some form or ailments. The recitations from the Quran has the vibrational quality that the dying person can relate to even if he or she does not understand what was read to them and this vibes helps to keep away any interference of unwanted thoughts to the individual's consciousness at death. I understand that Islam discourages the act of loud mourning or wailing in the presence of a dying person as this would not help in the smooth process of transition from life to death. I am no mystic or even a devout Muslim and what i understand may not be absolutely correct, so I will stand corrected by anyone who reads this and finds it not true. In the final say, the process of death is as mysterious as that of birth and we all will face it according to our own personal understanding. We can either die with Grace or in Disgrace through how much we have prepared for it in our lifelong existence. If this life is our schooling than death is the graduation; how we choose to live defines how we die.     

How to Die Accorsingly.

For the past few weeks i have been subjected to and old physical discomfort which I had related before in this Blog and that being the rash that has appeared to many parts of my body especially in the crotch area. I have been applying Calamine lotion thus far but it is not quite as effective but eases the burning and itching sensation. I feel like I am still working out some ancient twisted karma having to go through this uncomfortable phenomena. However I have come to a point of acceptance of this discomfort and have surrendered to the higher consciousness of my self nature making it more endurable and even to some extent a rewarding experience as it affects my egoic self. The sense of being subjected to this most decadent pain and suffering in the physical form has become more of a lesson for me to appreciate what karmic consequences are how by the very fact of acceptance has made it much less of an irritation and somewhat more of a lesson to learn from. Getting to know oneself one's own fragility through these aggravation of physical itch and pains like the toothache that i am also experiencing seems to turn pain into pleasure. The migraine headache, the toothache, the itch and burning sensation that the body is going through bring a sense of humbleness to my sense of presence and by their very presence makes being in the here and now more pronounced and vivid.

It is not that I am becoming masochistic or obsessed, hope not, however i do feel much less disturbed by them like when i suffered the same rash when I was thirteen and at one point shook my fist at God for making it so. In those years the pointing of the middle finger was not a fad yet, so I shook my fist at the sky and uttered the unutterable fu word while crying my heart out in the darkness while sitting on the steps of mt home in Batu Buruk, Kuala Terengganu. I wrote about his too in this Blog and so I will not into the details of it here, even if the devil was truly in the details in this case. Now perhaps having aged and wizened a bit i am able to look at these minor irks with greater and more clearer perspective and if it does not hone through I remind myself that it could be worse, I could be in the Gaza Strip having these ailments. At least I now know not to seek blame from the external like I did in the past but in myself, I am the cause of my ailments and none to blame. I find myself not too proud to seek advice and help from my closest friends like Ben Ronjen who was at one a registered nurse in Australia. if there is any blame to be targeted at I place it on my karmic consequences, my own doing perhaps in my past indulgences or even now. 

This skin irritation issue is beginning to get to me as i find myself unable to sleep well and sometimes even to think well, it is like I am headed for a major depression if nothing changes or things gets worse. I am now up in this wee hours of the morning not because of some spiritual calling as many a mystic would have me believe but simply due to pain and discomfort. I keep trying to justify it all away as yet another of the Divine test of my spiritual perseverance, or my ego's upping the stakes towards keeping a good grip on the is running the show, however the constant itch and irritation is beginning to have a toll on me. Not trying to be overly dramatic, this is turning into one of those 'dark night of the soul' for me or so it seems. Perhaps reading a book about Death by a Hindu Mystic is having an effect on my psyche, getting me primed up for the real final trip to the end of the road. No matter I intend to stick to my schedule, my Sadhana, my practice and take this as yet another stumbling block if not another karmic aberration to be sliced off from my consciousness, in the spirit of letting go; how else can I die.   

The Breath of Life - Prana

 I am going through some heavy duty karmic turns as in the last few weeks with and it feels like i am taking a dive in the physical, mental and spiritual sense, it feels like the floor is opening up from beneath you and all the practices and discipline that you think would help you see life through is coming apart. Is it? I have developed skin problem that is reminiscence of something I had when I was a teen ager and which almost drove me insane only now it seems to spread more than just all over my crotch. Yes, I have written of this event in my life somewhere in this Blog, the dark days of my soul and now it is happening again. Then there is the hernia issue that has not been settled, something that sooner or latter will exacerbate into larger issue as i get older. My attempt to get it taken care of in Kuala Terengganu failed because of too many hurdles to overcome and which I could not cope with for one reason or another. Most heavy of all was my fight with my daughter in the wee early morning hours two days ago after sending my son off to Kuala Lumpur at the train station. It was an eye opener for me as a father and an old man who is dependent on his two kids in this life. I will not attempt to justify who is right or wrong and will not dwell into the detail of the matter, however suffice to say that it was something that hurt me very deeply making me realize that the future  will be a long and painful one between us if i hang around too long.

Reading the book on DEATH - an inside story by Sadhguru has also woken me up to a few realities that I had not foreseen before on the soul and spiritual dimension; perhaps what is transpiring on the physical level for me at the moment has to do with my engaging in getting to understand better this path toward death and dying that the book is relating to me. Perhaps it is the culmination of all my past experiences and present conditions into a final trajectory towards the end of my life for what it is worth. It is painful both physically and emotionally no doubt and I have the feeling it will not get any better. All I can see thus far is the fact that it is taking my spiritual practice to a higher and more challenging dimension and my ego is taking the beating from it all in which lies the crux of the matter; my ego. Self fulfilling result of the letting of the ego as a practice and not being attached to body and mind as a prerequisite to achieving liberation is taking a manifestation  in it negative form; the ego perhaps is putting up a fight! Perhaps this is is what happens when you try to stop getting drunk or getting stoned and stop paying attention to women's ass and seek refuge in the teachings of the Buddhas, the Dharma and the Sanga and surrendering completely in the All Mighty Allah }SWT} body mind and spirit; the negative repercussion can be detrimental to your health. Looking with optimism on the other hand, it is said  to better suffer hell on earth than make your reparation in the after life.  

Karma sucks!, then you die! The letting o of life is and will never be easy and suicide is off the question not that i have not tried, twice actually in my past and narrowly escaped death a few times and a brush with death is no stranger to me. But death seems to elude me in the final cut, I keep returning to my physiological form on this planet time and again like it or not. Why I keep asking the same question over and over especially upon waking up from a stroke after passing out while driving and finding I had wet my pants and my whole attire was soaked in sweat and my daughter screaming in the passenger seat beside me, Yes i was dead for a few minutes but no I had to return and continued my driving home. In this Blog I had shared a few events of my near death experiences and the one most vivid and painful was the one tha took place in Corte Madeira, Marin County, California where i had a 'pleurisy' attack according to the physician who used a six inch needle to suck out fluid that had build around my lung due to a Yoga practice accident. As the devil is in the details I will leave it up to those curious or interested enough to look it up on what had happened on the New Year's Eve of 1983?

In facing death, fear is the key. If you can let go of fear, that panic feeling that cause you to loose control of your mind, if you could return as calmly to your breathing even in the midst of utmost pain, you can return from the final disembodiment of your physical life; death. No matter what your Sadhana or practice may be in this life, if and when you stop breathing, the game is over for you. And yet how we take breathing for granted and often are not even conscious that we are breathing except when an occasional sigh or sneeze or being surprised out of our socks by someone and when your utter, "let me catch my breath." As I grow older and less wiser i am constantly catching my breath wondering if I will ever catch up to it eventually or will it leave me in the lurk with death catching up to me. Yoga in India and Tai Chi and Zen in China, these two ancient schools expounds Breath control as the primary goal towards getting our act together. No matter what we do breath! You breath in and you breath out and herein lies the secret to life itself, that only when you stop breathing does it all ends for you in this realm and you become one within and without.  Your breath is the bridge between you and The Supreme it is said that The Lord, The Creator of Life blew His breath Prana or life force into you and lit the Divine Spark as your energy source.   

Sadhguru's Book - DEATH - An Inside Story. - Part One.

 This morning I woke up at three and sat for awhile and saw before me myself standing and facing away into an evening sky or perhaps morning and as i stood there my body started to disintegrate as though blown apart by the wind from head on downwards to my feet. It was a pleasant experience feeling as though I was loosing myself from into nothingness. Not knowing what to do I decided to chant the cosmic sound of OM  and felt my body gather energy from the pit of my belly and slowly rose up my spine locking itself at every points of my chakras until it reaches my head area. I never felt more in tune with my physical form as i did and my mind was just watching the whole phenomena happening, like I was simply an observer watching every movement of my physical form. Then the thought of Sadhguru's book on Death came to my mind and felt at ease like what I have read so far of his teaching had come to expression. I have dwelled on the subject of death for a very long time and had written somewhere in this Blog my thoughts and experiences on the matter almost to a point of obsession at one time and had to give up. Perhaps I was exposed to its negative effect more so than the positive and it was leading me towards a sense of depression and more confused than I was already. 

I had experienced quite a number of deaths in the past of others and the most vivid was the death of my uncle, the man who had adopted me at birth and raised me for twelve years of my childhood life. It was sometime in 1990-91 when i had taken vacation and returned to Malaysia for a short visit. It was almost dark in the evening and I was having dinner at an auntie's house where I had put up and a stranger came to the door and told me that my uncle had passed away and his body was placed at the back of his van and that is should go and take care of it. I took a ride with stranger on his motor bike to the site a bout a quarter of a mile to the junction of Gelugor and Brown Gardens in Penang where we were. There i found the van parked by the roadside and on looking inside found my uncle's deceased body laying on the floor at the back of the van. I had not driven in Malaysia for many years since living in the United States and especially not a van. However I had no choice as there was no one around to ask for help and so I drove the van to his house and upon arrival carried his body into the house. Together with my auntie we undressed him getting rid of his pants that was soaked with his feces and the stench was overwhelming. Together we cleaned him up as best we could and started calling my relatives to inform them of the tragedy.

My uncle had a massive stroke while driving home and I later learned that the had parked the van along the road and stepped out tearing his his shirt open before falling to the ground where a few passer by had picked him up and laid him in the van. By then it was dark and the stranger who knew who my uncle's residence had informed my auntie and she told him to get a hold of me as there was no adults in the house.  Perhaps it was meant to be that I happen to be around when it all happened and that it was meant to be to be that I was the one to take the responsibility of taking care of the man who had raised me in his final hour. My uncle had married late in his life and had eight children and all of them were still too young to comprehend much less took care of the whole situation and so it was meant to be. He was buried the next day laid to rest alongside my grandfather and grand mother. I had to return to the United States soon after with a very heavy heart wondering what was to become of his family. The stench of his dead body remained with me for a long time even after i got to America. The man had raised me as a Buddhist while the rest of my family and relatives were Muslim and he himself converted to Islam when he married my auntie at the age of forty. His life was an enigma in many ways having spent two years as a Buddhist monk in Sri Lanka or Ceylon as it was known before and as the saying goes the devil is in the details and what a phenomenal detail it was for me to unravel. From this experience I had a good lesson about Karma and its consequences; was he punished by God, {Allah} or the Buddha? One thing for sure he was a very heavy smoker and I remember his brand of cigarettes called the Rough Rider, was perhaps the cause of his stroke. Regardless, I loved the man and his demise was tragic for me.

There's two ears and one mouth - listen more talk less...

 Two days ago my two children and I were invited to dinner at the home of my friend Mr. Mahadevan who lives on the fourth floor below us,{we are on the twelve floor.} It was a vegetarian affair and also present was an Indian former school teacher with his 27 year old son. The gentleman is said to be a Reiki Teacher  and according to my friend the Prof. as he is a professor at the the University Sains Malaysia, a mystique man. To me my friend the prof. is more so of a mystique man than most as he has the charm and humbleness of one who has the knowledge and charm of a real Guru. While chatting away I noticed a book on his shelf entitled DEATH - An Inside Story written by Sadhguru and immediately I knew I had to borrow the book. I became acquainted with the teachings of Sadhguru a few years back, two if I am not mistaken when i stumbled upon him on You Tube. I was impressed by his teachings but lost interest after a while when I found that he was another Hindu master spreading Hinduism rather than a Universal Teacher who transcend all religions, my poor excuse. I also had a problem with the manner in which he presents himself which often struck me as an attempt at being flamboyant and somewhat condescending when he speaks, again my bad. I have grown up among Indians in this country and as a matter of fact my Grand Uncle married a Hindu and his children, my aunts and uncles all four of them are all Hindus. As a child i grew up visiting them at their home in the Methodist Boys School where my Grand Uncle was a caretaker until the day he died. hew as known to us as Martin Sia and was the younger brother of my grandfather. The two brothers went their separate ways when my grandfather married a Muslim and was converted to Islam and my Granduncle remained a Buddhist.

The eldest of my grand uncle's children was Ranjan and had passed away a few years back having suffered from Parkinson's disease, he was younger than me although he was my uncle.. Then there is Kamala, Susila and the youngest boy Sugananda. I used to visit the Hindu temples in and around the Georgetown area with Ranjan and assisted him on his Kavadi trip during the Thaipusam once a upon a time when I returned to Malaysia from the U.S. as part my university program, sometime in 1981? I was able to document the whole ritual from the beginning to the end and later presented it to the University in my lecture presentations with the slides I took of the event. It blew the minds of the Green Bay university students who saw the slide show. I was no stranger to Hinduism as my father who was a Goldsmith working for a major jewelry company here was commissioned by the Chetiars to create a one foot tall solid gold statue of Lord Murugan that till this day is paraded from the Little India Hindu Temple all the way to the hill temple in the Botanical Gardens annually during the Thaipusam day. There's a story to this journey, perhaps some other time. My favorite Hindu Deity has always been Lord Ganesha, the elephant headed one. I will always pay my respect whenever i come upon His presence and this too has a personal story attached to it and somewhere in this lengthy Blog I might have told this story and it has to do with the day my first son was born and what day it was.\

I realized that my communication skills has still got to be polished when I was with the beautiful group of host and guest at the dinner, I found myself trying too hard to get my message across turning others off. I have learned that most others have their fixed personality after years of being a teacher or a director like my twin brother and they put forth their status in life when addressing others like don't teach me as i was once a school teacher or I am a director so don't come telling me any better. Letting go of their status is no easy thing to do even when they are in the company of strangers, like you cannot teach a duck how to swim. So I did not really learn much from the Reiki master as he claimed to be and I should have focused on what is Reiki instead of trying to share my own perception of what being on a spiritual journey entails. There is also my own error of judging racial or cultural character like when in conversation with an Indian or a Chinese assuming that they have their own inherit nature in self expression. In this case and Indian man does not like being made to feel like he is being taught a lesson in life by a non Hindu. However i have grown up among these characters and most of them do have their own idiosyncrasies when putting forth their thoughts and ideas that is inherent to their culture. I was a little disappointed and I believe or felt that so was the other guest at the dinner. The things you learn when in the company of strangers tells much about who you are is what I learned from this event.

To be lazy one needs to let go - extinguish the mind.

 Letting go of life itself is the aim of living for those who have realized the futility of being born into this realm of maya or this realm of illusion. The sannyasin and sadhus of India practice this art of letting go to the extreme so as to deny any form of attachment to this physical existence, to grow from childhood to old age like a mule carrying a load of baggage on its back for the benefit of someone else only to die at the end of the journey from exhaustion and frustration, delude and despaired and all simply because of the carrot that has been dangled before our eyes and the conditioning that has been imposed by parents and the rest of society. 'Work hard boy, and you'll find, someday you'll have a job like mine.' Letting go from clinging to dreams and fantasies, from ideologies and the need to stay ahead, to be pious and chivalry, to become famous and wealthy, is the lazy man's path to freedom. Not to get sucked into goal and achievement oriented style of living, not getting pulled and pushed by the competitive struggle to stay afloat and ahead of others is a trap that keeps man in bondage to this illusory existence that is part of the matrix of our existence. The pieces of bones and flesh thrown at us to be chewed upon are the token of appreciation of our eagerness to participate in this game of life as the rich and wealthy wine and dine accepting it as their hard earned privilege. 

Today this hard earned privilege has led us to the brink of self destruction taking along with us the numerous lives of other species of fora and fauna, enough is never enough and we are being led by greed, hate and delusion as our demigods, our manifesto. If you fail it is only because you have not strived hard enough or use you brain well enough in order to grab the opportunities and possibilities to make it while on this super highway of life. Oppression and exploitation is the name of the game if one is to make it big and stand above all the rest and corruption is the ultimate source of short cuts towards being in the limelight. Grab all you can while you can and the hell with the rest of your fellow man and if it all fails violence is the answer to filling up your coffer. Some things, habits and motives are never easy to let go of and man will forever be a slave to his desires, not his needs but his desires. Desires for bigger and larger, for  more expensive and upgraded, for never ending delights life has to offer keeps us tethered to the yoke of our existence as enough is never enough. We accumulate and hoard as much as our garage can hold and if not we will rent a storage facility or have garage sale at the end of the day to get rid of the old and hoard newer and better garbage.  Material garbage is not as hard to get rid of as mental ones as the mind has a great propensity of hoarding more and more garbage as we get older and it takes more effort to do so. letting go mental garbage is a lifetime effort for every second of the day the mind accumulates more narratives and images as it can.

Most of humanity has become enslaved by the very believe in the fact that man can achieve any feat or action if the mind is put to the task and with this believe man has assumed an arrogant deceit that he is the creator/doer of his actions. Man's propensity for self aggrandizement has led him to developed an inflated ego with the tendency to out smart himself by challenging the law of nature itself and shove aside his spirituality in favor of his darker nature or as Jung called his shadow. His desire to outdo himself has become an obsession disregarding what the cost of his actions might have upon the fabric of reality itself.  His ego knows no bounds nor does he care that he has lost his humanity and sense of love and compassion towards his fellow creatures and the planet itself; take care of number one and all else is of no consequences. man takes great pride in being able to overcome his limitations and this collective assumption has led him to build yet another Tower of Babel; he is in the process of defying even the Divine in creating artificial intelligence like Dr. Frankenstein because he can. The monster he is creating in this modern age will be far more foreboding and dangerous than the fictional character of Mary Shelly's novel. Man has abused his God given free will and is on the road to perdition, he is standing on the abyss of self annihilation as a specie and this will be the end of the Kali Yuga where the death of the spirit in man obliterates his connection to the divine nature in him; the age of technology is man's final creative spirit leading to his demise barring Divine Grace. The Super Ego wants to become God but fails to confront understand and overcome his 'Shadow'; the dark side prevails as a result of of this blind ignorance.

Letting go of the 'I' ; " The Great Yogi has extinguished the mind."

   

 

    

The Art of being Lazy -

 

  Contrary to popular believe,  being lazy is no easy matter and it takes a great deal of practice to accomplish a good handle on being lazy especially without the guilt if not shame emotions that it generates. There is no positive quotes about being lazy if you search the Internet, it seems like everyone, every religious practice every warns you not to be lazy as it is born out of pure ignorance. In life it seems one just have to keep being busy, being productive being motivated and living the day full of activities, however what if there is in really no one that needs to be an existential workaholic? What if one has realized that there is really no doer as in the Advaita  or non dualistic view of life is being practiced? I believe in the fact one has to fully understand the art of the Taoist Wu Wei or in active action or being effortless  in every action one performs.

There is Zen saying, "Eat when you are hungry, sleep when you are sleepy and sit and watch the grass grow." man is an automaton, a self driving entity that is constantly looking for the next thing to be done one after another otherwise he feels useless, he just needs to keep being busy as though it is a justification for his existence and not doing anything is a poor excuse for being a man, hence man has his business. In the Zen Buddhist tradition sitting meditation is the primary practice and the more one sits the better it is for self development and to the lay man this seems like the epitome of being lazy, wasting time sitting on the cushion and just staring at the wall all day long. Bodhidharma the Zen master who brought Buddhism to China is said to have sat for nine years in a cave waiting for someone to transmit his teachings to. Perhaps it was just a myth most of it, however it was a recorded event in the history of Zen Buddhism in how it all began for the transmission of Buddhism into the Chinese culture. It is left to our imagination of how it must have been for an Indian Yogi to appear and reside in a remote area in China an was able to convert the inhabitants into the understanding of the teachings of the Buddha which was in Sanskrit and later translated to Chinese. 

By the time Zen Buddhism got into the Japanese culture it took on a more serious identity and Zen upon encountering Shintoism the animistic practice of the Japanese people the marriage became a portent combination of meditation and the respect if not worship of Nature. The Japanese penchant for gardening and landscaping became a strong form of meditation and this led to a practice of  work in general as form of meditation where nothing is too small or too insignificant albeit in farming or fishing, carpentries or the art sword making. There is a ritual to every act from caring for tools and equipment to the manner of presentation of the finished product; all done with complete sense of awareness and that is to present the best of a man's endeavor. It is also to achieve these in the most effortless way as possible so much so that everything becomes a spontaneous act of creation. Strolling in a Japanese Tea garden of a Zen Buddhist temple complex one is easily moved to the awesomeness of the presence of silence and serenity that slows down one's  own busy mind. Tis is precisely the aim of the Tea Ceremony or Cha No Yu and the the Samurai warriors of feudal Japan would ask for a tea ceremony be performed for himself before he sets out to face his opponent so as to calm his inner being or his soul. This meditation in action  especially in the face of an impending death in battle.

What has all these got to do with being lazy? I am still figuring it all out really, connecting the dots making sense out of non-sense so to speak, so bear with me. The essence of this Art of being lazy is to keep everything at a minimal, no hurry, no force for sure and no aim at any accomplishment  to be achieved. Drop all that narratives of being a high achiever or making it big or being at the top of the heap and all that non-sense; the essence of being lazy is to be free from all attachments to be empty of being itself.  No wants, no desires and no needs, just aimlessly drifting from here to there while waiting for the lights to finally be switched off, the end of days to be ushered in and the big splash fills the skies, yes, to be lazy is like sitting and facing the wall and do nothing, wish for nothing and hope for nothing.

Eat when you are hungry and sleep when you are sleepy, Sit and watch the grass grow.

    

  

"THe lazy Man's Club" - Join me i dare you.

 I will throw the bones and see what turns up. Not too much it says in the lay of the bones and I have just completed[almost] my early morning tasks and now taking five listening to the Seventies Oldies on You Tube and a the moment John Denver is calling out to "Sunshine on my shoulder, makes me happy Sunshine in my eyes they make me cry, ..almost always makes me high!.. , almost always ..." " Every time i try to tell you the words came out wrong, So I just have to say I love you in a song..." ...I wonder what ever happened to Jim Croce, how old he might be? Ah just Google it if is that important...what else is there to do...if you are still following me then you are as complicit in the creation of the The Lazy Man's Club. Yes mu next venture is to start my own club out there and see if there are takers to join me in the quest in the Art of being Lazy! Yes, I believe that this is a good idea especially seeing that i am at a lost as to how to spend the rest of the morning as it is. Perhaps having a club of my own online or off might create a much more interactive and active atmosphere for the continuation of my Blogging perhaps I need to  interact more and better with those alike like me in striving to understand life and what it would be like to simply surrender to being pure and simple laziness. A state of being non-interactive and less prone to overwork, a state of taking it easy and not be sucked into the rat race of so called the highway to heaven of life. It is done! 

I suppose the next move for me is to try and write a proposal convincing myself of the feasibility of my intention , the why and how of the Lazy Man's Club. Any philosophical back ground, any physical and mental gymnastics, any sitting and facing the wall daily and asking silly questions to one self while trying to stop the mind from thinking, and then some...what would it take to say Screw it! I am tired of taking all these, I am done, time to move on , time to let go and face what is before me in the here and now and I find the Art of Being Lazy fits this purpose, just simply do nothing, No reason to move from here to there if you don't want to or simply don't feel like it. No ifs and ands, no buts and what ifs, no Sir, its only this the freedom to simply remain in the zone of laziness, immortalized as the Buddha of Laziness! Yes, awakened from the illusory realm of making things happen, the realm of mental projections, the realm the Buddhist call The Nirmanakaya of Shakyamuni Buddha; awakened completely and perfect endowed with the powers of being lazy, laid back and unmoved or attached to what is in the background, existing like a cork floating down the stream towards the river and the ocean, appearing and disappearing like the white clouds in an empty sky, there is no more an entity, no more a shadow or any other form, no more an ego making decisions or analyzing what is, no, only Laziness is present.

So! I call out to all of you who have had it enough with this Cockamamie world and this Ronald McDonald Menu we thrive on, I call to all of you come join my "Lazy Man's Club," I dare you. 

What is my Sadhana - My Practice?

 Dropped my daughter off at the Airport and she is on her way to Singapore, her first flight of the year 2024 she said and not bad, Neh? Not bad at all, I said, an International Flight no less. shades of things to come perhaps! Keep up the good work and look ahead to greater experiences in your career; have fun!, I said.{ in my heart}

What is Pravriti and Nivriti?

Pravriti is the  out flowing of energy from the Source, from God 

Nivriti is the  drawing it back of the energy into the source. 

After listening to one of Shunyamurti's morning Satsang on You Tube at the Satyuga Ashram or Institute, located  somewhere in the foot hills of Costa Rica. I listen to his Satsang quite often, sometimes like three times a day, it helps to keep me grounded and reminded as to what I am focusing on in my Sadhana or practice at this moment in space and time. I keep drifting away from my focal point or my heart center of my being  distracted by thoughts . If you wish to know further what Sadhana is you might Google it, its another key Sanskrit word worth getting to know if you are on a spiritual trip of one kind or another. I would relate the word as to mean simply practice or as a Malay Muslim would call it 'Amalan". having a path or a way towards self discovery and self liberation. Some sort of self discipline that helps to clear the straight and narrow path towards meeting your Maker  when all is said and done. Any form of practice, albeit Yoga or TaiChi or ChiGung, Silat Gayung or Tae Kwon Do or Bujutsu the Sweat Lodge or Zen meditation, any kind at all, helps to keep the mind from running wild, from loosing control from becoming paranoid from feeling insecure, from depression; recognizing one's own Divine Nature is highly recommended among most ancient teaching; Sadhana is the path that leads to the unity or merging into God to become One,{not two}. "Innalillahiwa'innalillahi Rajiun, from Him I came unto Him I return. These are the last words that a Muslim would utter upon his last breath, the return to Al Hak, the owner.

The massacre in Gaza and the rest of Palestine haunts me and try as i may to avoid making any comments or judgement on the matter I am still touched painfully by concern and worry, I simply cannot look away and feel human. I am angry! As angry deep in my soul as I have ever had and I am sad, sadder than not being able to be there when both my parents passed away. I am filled with shame and remorse for my ambivalent feeling towards the plight of the Palestinian People and the ever growing tension all over the Middle East that will inevitably lead to a wider war if not trigger the Third World War, The War of Extinction. Its sad, a sad situation that humanity is facing and the powers that be are playing the same old ego game of whose dick is larger and longer and who can spit or pee farthest. It is almost like humanity is preparing to commit Sepuku or hara kiri, It is like we are choosing our path towarrds self destruction and have no idea of what to do other than up the game, apply more pressure and chest pounding to cower the opponent; what of God given Brain? Whatever happen to our sense of LOve and Compassion our tender mercies towards one another, whatever happened to Being Human, being the Caretaker, Keeper of the Planet as a responsibility bestowed upon us by our  Creator, what of our Divinity? Are we to become the end of history itself as there would be no witness left to document each and every event that had led us to our demise. There would not be anyone who survive would want to or have the need to; a Nuclear War is the mother of all wars as  George Galloway would say.

I have been watching too much You Tube and listening to too much false truths that flows out of the mouths of those whose swore to be the deliverers of truth so as to promote themselves and their Media personality, it is getting into my head. It is my bad. I am allowing my mind to become attached to what i see or hear and it has nothing to do with caring about or not of the  bitter suffering the victims in Palestine. What can I do about it? How do I contribute my services towards procuring peace and avoiding the nightmare that lay before us if events takes their same route towards collective self destruction, what is my role in this precarious moment in the history of humanity. Where were you when they declared war against each other what were you doing while the children of Gaza screamed from beneath the rubbles like voices from Hell. Will it satisfy you ego to be able to sleep at night the rest of your life knowing that you have been complicit in butchering thousands of children so as you can claim your right; what right? You have bloody hands but choose to be blind and exist in self denial, what becomes of your children or theirs when history tells the truth. In this day and age you cannot throw the stone and hide your hand anymore, the whole world is watching you on the screen and off. O' Sons of Israel, you have fulfilled the prophecy of the Quran verses condemning you and your decedents witnessed by the rest of humanity. Ceasefire Now before you cross the line of no return. Even the Gods have limits as the amount of cruelty they allow to be committed by man over his brothers and sisters, it shame them that they too had failed to reign in the anger and vengeance that  is being inflicted over one nation by another as it has been happening throughout human history. It seems like the Gods of Light is loosing out to the Lords of Darkness of the human Spirit/ What can I do?

I can do nothing! I can waste my time hankering over what is already obvious and make nothing out of it except invite depression or i can totally move on with my life being where i am at; keep doing my Sadhanas, my practices, my daily chores, my human commitments towards life as it is and make believe that all is well and as it should be. "Suffering is, None who Suffers." My practice is to silence my ego or at least reign it in from making more mistakes and inviting more attachments to  the causes of pain and suffering. My Sadhana at present is to keep body and mind strong and powerful for as long as they can endure the wear and tear of time and not to neglect to purify my soul from the layers of illusions that I have accumulated for the past seventy odd years of my life. As I have said in the past, humbly with no arrogance, I refuse to die before I learn the whole truth as to why I am here or at least fully understand who I truly am. In'sha'Allah! God Willing?

Revisiting Green Bay,Wisc. -Part three

 For eight years of my life i spent living in the cold country and came close to ending my own life twice but failed. For eight years i found friendship and love that knew no bounds. For 8 years i traded my soul for a life of hedonism and lust, I allowed my ego to rum free. I was faced with a matter of survival or freeze my ass in the cold Wisconsin night. I remember standing one evening waiting for the bus on main street with only my army jacket and long johns on underneath my sweater and it was so cold that i could feel every bone in my body and at one moment felt detached from my body  and witnessed myself standing out in the cold under the street light, waiting for a bus. riding  the bus was a respite from the cold and the and all along the ride I would ask of myself how and why I had ended up in such a dire state of consciousness. if I am asked what was the most beautiful about Green Bay, I would gladly say - The women! My love and respect for all of them those I have touched and they touched my life, I say I am sorry. and I am grateful and cherish every moment we shared. Thank you for being there for me when I needed you and forgive me if I hurt or made you feel bad when we parted our ways, I am sorry. The Ladies of Green Bay, I salute you better than I salute the Packers. I have had the best of times and the worse and I accept both most willingly as a part and parcel of who I was and who i have become.

I found a  part of me that was hidden within that surfaces in my hours of need as a guiding and protecting light or essence and I have felt this more after I was initiated into the Spiritual nature of the Silat Gayung, a Malay form of Martial Arts propagated by the Maha Guru Meor Abdul Rahman who was resident in Singapore. I was a student of the then Ketua Pejabat Ugama, or Head of the Religious Department for the State of Terengganu, Encik Abu Johan or better known to us the students as Pak Abu. In a ritual held at his house  I was initiated with a Khadam or spiritual friend with a name which I cannot reveal but the name is very commonly used in the Palestinian =Israel issue and the name hails from Lebanon. There, I have practically revealed another aspect of who I was  and where I have been and what I have done or experienced. Connecting the dots to my past, keeping a track record of my trip on this path to find out. At this ceremony which was held at night was witnessed by more than ten adults most having to do with the Art of Subud. "Subud is an International Interfaith Movement that began in Indonesia in the 1920s founded by Mohammad Subuh Sumohadiwidhjojo {1901 - 1987}" - Wikipedia.

 I was sitted in the middle of the circle and facing my instructor, the man who volunteered to give me this gift; a sprit friend from the other side. After reciting a few verses from the Quran I was instructed to empty my minds I hear the sound of hands clapping on the ceramic floor getting louder and louder as they converged and got close to me. Then with the flick of a finger at my earlobe it all fell into absolute silence. Like the main circuit breaker was ripped off the wall, total darkness and silence The sound of the TV in the next living room was gone and the sound of the clapping hands was gone and I sat there in the darkness experiencing void, emptiness I push my hand downwards, no floor. 

Then I felt a presence just above my neck area and it got more and more intense until my whole body just shook, my head swung left and right so rapidly and I had no control over it and my whole body twisted and turned until came to a quiet comfortable position and I heard my Instructor introducing my spiritual friend to me. I once wrote a paper on this experience for an Interpersonal Communications Class at UWGB, it was rebuffed and frowned upon as a made up story. Danial Rosenberg was not one of my favorite professors needless to say, however I must give credit for having the Flare about him! There were good professors and there were those you can live without. The good ones you learn life's lessons and what it takes to become your dream, to transcend life's schooling and enter the major league, become awakened, become a Buddha! Step out of existence and enter Nirvana. Become liberated and free from the clinging's of Maya. Perhaps it was an illusion no doubt like all experiences ever manifest by the mind, it is all an grand illusion the will soon end on a grand scale of mass extinction and global pandemic; it is all an illusion...is it? 

I have written on may postings of how i finally left Green Bay, Wisconsin at the sin of being redundant i will to give the gist of the story just so i can bring to a close this three part series of life in the Mid Western State of Wisconsin. 

Why Not? What better things is there to do?

 "The sun is the same in the relative way, but you're older,

  shorter of breath cause you to death.!" - Pink Floyd 

Just got to keep reminding this self that the time is almost at hand for a wrapping up of the whole Blogging trip. This documentation of who I am where i have been and what I have done. It is time to come up with a conclusion if not a conciliation of understanding of the why and so forth to begin with, like why did I wanted to write about myself since 1978 till this day. What was my intention, what had hoped to achieve at the end of the journey. I have spent a good numbers of hours and days if not years of my life writing down my thoughts trying to make sense out of non-sense, trying to justify though not convincing, exposing and revealing past actions and experiences that has affected my present state of being. The road that has led to this mount on top which I stand and claim my right to become that which I seek, to assume the role of a complete and perfect being -Sat - while in this realm in this time of the Kali Yuga. It is time to lay aside my ego, remove my mask and become empty of being itself, it is time to enter silence. I shall henceforth double my effort in getting my mental chatter to the most minimum like in dealing with the present day to day activity, my daily routine. To fully accept that there is no I that is doing or performing but only action itself. I may not fully succeed at doing this however i have planted the seed of awareness in this matter into my consciousness, it is my consciousness that acts or projects what is  as Is.

Letting go is never easy, however letting go I must, slowly bit by bit I have to let go of the past that has taken root in my mind and keeps reemerging off and on and I have to learn to become detached from my present actions by removing myself from being a doer, a witness, an observer a documenter; I am no more. I exist and I don't, I am here and I am not, time it seems is beginning to makes less and less sense, a repetition of actions day in day out, there is change and there is no change and all relative to one's perception. I am creating illusion to destroy illusion; I am the illusion, I do not exist and it is not because i read it in a book or listened to a great Guru talk on You Tube, no it is because I have taken the long tedious road towards getting here where i am at; I have earned the rites of passage to write and admit what i wish to if it helps to heal and liberate my own splintered soul. This is and has always been one of my portal for letting go of my past, my egoic mind my deluded self, my garbage bin filled with deleted thoughts and experiences of the past ; this is my Safety Valve for the release of excess non-functional energies, my stress and tensions, my headaches and lower back pains, my doubts, paranoia and fears as I continue on this path for better or worse.

What would it be like to let go of all the narratives , the imaginations, the perceptions, the thoughts and dreams and desires, what would it be like to become free of the "I" thought. No choice to be made no desires to be fulfilled and no death to be feared of and no Suffering. As the Wise One  is said to have said, "Suffering Is, None who Suffers, Nirvana, Is but none who Attains It." What would it be like to become absolutely detach from this existence itself in any form shape or presence, what would it be like if you have no idea whatsoever of who you are or what you are and all there is is just, This! , What would reality be like for you being here and now and knowing that there is no you at all to begin with, to become or not to become. Dare you take that one step beyond? or Are you even any where close to take that step into the unknown, the Void, The abyss, The Gateless Gate; choices to be made, choices that confronts your very sanity, your present state of mind, your egoic mind, that which will fight to last drop if need be to stay alive and fully convince you to become who you think you are.  It is the Ego's death that needs to happen if I am to become free from all my karmic consequences of the past, present and future; I need to let go of my Ego, this personality that I have assumed over  the past seventy odd years, perhaps only then would i become free of my narratives...etc.

Maha Bhava, Love and devotion to God, the Higher Order, or Supreme Consciousness and Satyam, that which is true, authentic will lead to intelligence, chit. I am just rambling off my mind so don't take too seriously of what i am sharing, I could be wrong about all these. On this Sunday morning after doing my chores and sitting for few moments to settle down I sat and watched an almost full moon setting down behind the Penang Hill while on the opposite side the sun is rising in full blaze. I told myself that i could never retell the moment, the feeling I had, the thoughts that try to scramble my silence, the stories that wanted to be told about the moment as I sat in deep meditation while focused upon a setting planet closest to mine whose presence I often took for granted. For a moment in time i felt the silence and before me stretch a bird's eye view of the whole Batu Gantung Chinese cemetery and the layout of the whole Air Itam Area with the Kek Lok Si temple sitting at the foot of the hill, with the sound of traffic and dogs barking and birds arguing, I felt the silence;  I was at peace with the Whole.

Unsui, meaning clouds and water by one translation, in the Zen tradition Unsui carries a deeper meaning and that to mean the presence of impermanence in our lives. Just as the moon slipped behind the hills, a moment is lost forever just like white clouds before an empty blue sky. Such Is! A lesson learned from Buddhism, that Impermanence is the cause of suffering second only to Desire. It's my take, my understanding of what i had learned correct me if i am not accurate. Nothing is permanent or eternal in this life not that which in nature or created, nothing save the Spirit; it belongs to the Lord and will return to the Lord at the End of Days. Having knowledge of this is the cause of human suffering, he knowledge of one's own demise is imminent. This realization has laid a very strong impact upon one's own take on life, how I perceive and accept what life has pushed my way and how i have been assisted now and again by Divine Grace that every so often in some small ways had made my life not too bad after all compared to many others less fortunate. Impermanence is beacon of understanding the true nature of what life is, that we are here just for duration of time and then we move on to the next level or phase of our evolution, albeit evolving towards becoming a toad or a prince in our next cycle. off course this will not work out well if one is a Muslim or a Christian or any of the People of the Book. The believe is reincarnation is a messy subject when put in the form of comparison with other faiths; I hold a strong believe in the evolution of the Human Spirit as he live his life from cradle to grave, before and much after till he is liberated from Ignorance.

Ignorance another cause of human suffering is not just being dumb or stupid but also being too lazy to learn, to take the trouble to understand and to ask questions and demand the right answers, the Truth. Ignorance id living in a mirage created by the forms of illusions projected into being by one's own ignorant mind or the mass projections of the Conditioned Collective Minds. To overcome ignorance is another form of healing practice, practice of finding the right balance and correct doses of what we need and not what we want in order that we may live a blissful life despite all the past trials and tribulations we have been through. 

 

Taipusam was here and ended - Lord Murugan is back at his own Palace.

 

Yesterday was Thaipusam celebration day here in Georgetown, Penang but this time i had no energy to join  the fan fair, I have always enjoyed watching the young boys dancing along with the Kavadi bearer possibly their brother or cousin or closest friend and the dance accompanying the repentance to the mountain temple in the Botanical gardens Area where the Lord Murugan resides for one day to be with his Consort like a date. The idol of a foot tall of the Lord is a one foot tall solid gold figurine that my father had created when he was employed by the De Silva Jewelry in his younger days to forge this idol.   it was my father who once asked me if I knew why the idol appeared black, he said it because of oxidation caused by the milk being poured onto the figurine, it was then that Learned that my father was no ordinary Goldsmith in his days. He also had a picture of one of his creations for the first Permaisuri Agong, H.R.H, the first Queen of the country. It was a large pendant triangular in shape and studded with 300 tiny jewels. Thaipusam always will the memory of my father he had his weaknesses but was loyal to his wife till the end of his life. 

Tun Dr. Mahathir has been making waves lately getting things stirred up between the races in order to deviate from joining the 'court cluster' of Najib Razak a, Tun Daim and lately Mahathir's own Son has be brought before the anti corruption department for fact checking of their multi million if not billion personal assets. I'm not pro Mahathir from the beginning but neither had I spoken ill of the old man however I feel that it is time for the Cheeseburger Buddha to let his take on all these politics of this country be made known. The nation is at risk and will bear the brunt of all if any decisions made to disrupt the Government at this time, very bad if irresponsible timing. The Tun may be right in all his observations but being right at this moment is not exactly right. The move to topple the government by any means at this time in pour history is tantamount to a treason towards the Nation as a whole. It is an ill will effort taken to cater towards self serving self preserving sentiment. The use of guilt and threat of violence between the different races is a poor excuse for a country that had once been called the One of the Asian Tigers.  Today a man cannot walk the street of London or new York without feeling like still living in a Third World, Colonialized country.  I feel like my intelligence has been smeared with the crap of the politicians who were voted to run this Nation. It is a rich country by all standards where just about everything every major resources are  available locally, what could go wrong! Yet we are becoming no better than Myanmar or Vietnam. 

It is a sad state we are in as more and more are becoming disfranchised and stuck with uncertainty and confusion as to where the country is headed for. One would think it would be simple common sense to let things go for now it it does not serve the prosperity and safety of the Nation as a whole  instead of stirring up the most sensitive issues especially relating to race and religion. The intention is glaringly written before us, to topple the present government by any means by creating discord among the people and it is working. How do we tell those who are in power and those who are trying to topple it to settle down for now and focus on the well of the Nation's stability. It does not take a genius to point out that things are not doing so well globally and we will face the backlash of most of what is taking place in many countries where war is immanent if not already. Our very sanity will hang upon how we manage to face the upcoming events which is about to throw this world into chaos. War is not an impossibility when China and America comes face to face or Russian and Iran decides that enough is enough. We will face food shortages and economic mess , not that we already are. The devil is in the details and it is a matter of doing one's job albeit one is the Prime Minister or a rice farmer for the better benefit of the whole.

I often wondered about those who have more than they need, much more than some and we are talking millions if not billions stashed all over the legal and illegal accounts offshore or otherwise. A man can only eat one mouth full at a time and sleep under one roof even if be in a palace or a hut, what happens to the rest of the wealth they accumulated when they too are no more around? The Buddha had warned that man is affected by three ailments and that being Greed, Hate and Ignorance and today more than ever it is apparently true. Hoarding has become a way of maintaining one's wealth but ironically the wealth hidden away serves none but the hoarder and its family and friends. What happen to giving and sharing what happened to compassion and love towards the the very people you have take from rightfully or otherwise? The likes of Tum Daim could have set up hospitals and schools, provided grants and trusts for the benefit of the nation instead od stacking the wealth in some bank somewhere or in properties that one does not even step into in this lifetime. Leave with a name well thought of instead leaving a sour legacy behind. This country needs well run medical facilities for the physical as well as the mental patients and it could do with high grade doctors and nurses who are committed to their jobs, so pay them well. Similarly pay the teachers and academicians well if we are to foster good education through the nation; keeping your wealth under the mattress will not make this  happen and depending on the government alone will not find a solution; Will the rich ever be awaken to this simple truth or are they purposely blind to the fact that giving is a means to solve the nation's as well as their problems at least they can sleep nights with clean and clear conscience.

Thaipusam is an annual celebration and it is a celebration of redemption, of acceptance and a show of gratefulness towards the Divine Grace. Those who perform the Khavadi or self mortification act as a penance or for whatever reason intended undertakes a grueling trip from one end to the other of a about 10 kilometers walk sometimes in the blistering heat and sometimes in torrential rain carrying on their backs the platform that carries the images of the Hindu Deities. Hooks and long pointed needles are skuwered into their skin and through cheeks and tongue. Oblivious to the pain these devotees walk swaying rom side to side in a dancing motion  to the loud music and drum beaters the crowd cheered them on every step of the way till they get to the temple on top of the hill where they are free from their ordeal. 

                                                      How well do you know of Hindism?

 "May we exist with the purity of a lotus from muddy waters." 

    

 

Revisiting Green Bay, Wisc - Part Two.

I miss my young friend Jerry Sule, a Plumber in Green Bay, Wisconsin although we still keep in touch through the Internet links. When he was w=about seventeen the two of us drove from Green Bay all the way down to the Southern most of New Mexico, I was in my thirties then and was a student at the University of Wisconsin at Green Bay, UWGB. The trip was part of my program for my Independent Studies at the University. I designed my own course through a program called , University Without Walls, a program set up by the UW-Madison, Wisc. I qualified myself to be allowed the program which included having a grade 3/75 average and writing a letter of proposal and deliberating my intention which was handed to four different faculty members at the University and later an interview by the same Professors to make sure I knew what i was doing. I did not have to appear before and meeting and was given the green light. My first trip was to England ad later followed by the trip to The South Western States of New Mexico, Arizona and Colorado. The rest was history that I most probably have repeated umpteen times in this lengthy Blog. #greenbaywisc, #uwgb, #uwmadison, 

I owed the Sulle Family a debt of gratitude for having been allowed to sleep in their basement while I was going to school at UWGB. Mrs. Mariane Sulle was like my mother and Chuck Sule was like an older brother who accepted me into his family despite having five young boys of their own. During those days it was told that the Sule Brothers rule Green Bay, you get into trouble with one and you bear the consequences of meeting the other four. I remember getting into trouble at a bar called The Duck Duck Goose located in on East Main Street and was about to be knifed by a Mexican when I saw a large arm held the man in a strangle hold and I saw it was Jerry Sulle who happened to be there. I eat, sleep and shit the Sules' on Hickory Drive and got to know Tanya the Husky bitch who likes to snap at your fingers if you try to be nice to her but after sometime we got to know each other and I enjoyed walking her around the area. My first boy, The Naz, used to visit me and got know Tanya better than I did. During these years of my life I used to call it of Basement and Boxes, Unsui - The Way of the Cloud, it was the essence of my physical existence back then, it was minimal living, traveled very light as a homeless. 

While attending school I used to live on Humboldt Road very close to the University. It was an old wooded farm house with a dilapidated barn that housed among other things a relic Bi-plane or what used to be one. Two wooden silos lean precariously next to each other as though hoping for support. The farm house was over a hundred years of age was a picture worth a Norman Rockwell painting. In later spring and summer as far the eye can see is the green corn field and later in winter a sea of pure white snow, it did wonders to my sensual senses and set my imagination drifting far and wide.. The owner, my Landlord was a Mr. Leon P. Lodl, about in his early fifties at the time, worked with the water department I think and lives alone at the house, most of the time. Leon also bought and owned a church up North in Iron Mountain, Michigan, and was in the process of renovating it into a Ski Lodge. I went up there with him a few times especially during the Fall season when the leaves turn their colors. Standing at the top of the International  Iron Mountain Ski Ramp  one can see four States all at once and the sea of colors like you have never or will never experience radiates from where you stand making it another picture worth to be painted as a Norman Rockwell...you just have to Be there. #ironmountainskiram, #normanrockwell, # 

I stayed at the old Farm House of Humboltd Road for two years and was at my creative high while attending college as an Art student. I had a few relationship while I was drifting back and forth doing my studies and I was becoming an alcoholic and drug  abuser which mostly was Marijuana as I never like to used any other than. However the combination of all the circumstances of my life back then I was attached to these destructive habits as a result. As the devil is in the details, I will not dwell too deeply beyond what is, as my private life draws a line here. I owe it to all those i fell in love with and shared a few years here and there a debt of gratitude and the hope for forgiveness for all my wrong decisions and poor moves. I am simply moving on and let this be my final effort at reconciliation with myself of things done wrong in the past; I will no more be attached to this scenario that was my past. As i have mentioned before I simply am writing as my mind dictates as my subconscious reveals itself time and again of this  narrative, it is sometimes like watching lumps of shit surfacing out of the depth to remind you of who you are or you think you are.

Leon Lodl was a jazz and classical music lover and had a great collection of related albums which we would listen to every evening while laying in bean bags facing a blazing fire over a bottle of red wine, what else could go wrong? Leon was a very deep and knowledgeable well respected by his peers. and had four adult children who visited him every now and then; he was divorced and thus lives by himself. He drove an old black colored Beatle Bug which had a small trailer attached behind with which he hauled the materials he needed up north. He had my respect and admiration the man who was voracious reader and at one point decided to apply to work on Tonga Island out in the Pacific somewhere. The Farm on Humboldt Road was one of the conner stone of my life where I learned about life like I could have learned nowhere else; it was what it felt like being a complete Green Bay boy; Ya Hey! Green Bay! 

Revisiting Green Bay, Wisconsin.- Part One.

 

"No one is going to figure out your life, It's your responsibility."

"Not everyone will like you, that's life."

"Shit Happens!"

"Go f..k yourself!"

"Holy Shit!"

A few self expressions I used to be well acquainted with when I was living in the United States, these were the real self -expression in a typical daily conversation while i went to school at the UWGB or University of Wisconsin, at Green Bay and prior to that after i had spent three years of my life as a boner or meat cutter at the Green Bay Meats and Cold Storage sometime in 1970s. I had a few jolts in my life, like suddenly finding myself with a wife and a four month old baby spending my first Wisconsin winter in Duck Creek, Brown County, Green Bay, Wisc. Next to the Farr's Grove, the local Tavern in Duck Creek where i think I was the first colored guy some of the regulars had ever met at the tavern, Thanks to the owner, Mr. Chester Farr and his wife, they took my small family and I under their wings and we became a member of The Farr's Clan. I remember My late mother in law, Mrs. Beatrice Goerst made sure that my wife, my infant son and I was comfortable by turning the heater up full blast to keep us warm  especially me who was experiencing my first winter in Wisconsin. We had arrived from Malaysia after a three days of travelling by air and were later found to be infected by shigela worm from the flight and were imposed quarantine for the whole family for a week or so before we were cleared by the health department.  My arrival to the United States was as challenging a moment in my life as anything else I can remember.

I was twenty five years hitting on twenty six when I met my first wife and married her a month later in Georgetown, Penang at the Sungai Pinang House which isa now better known as Selera Wawasan Restoran. Having to face with to much challenges, from Immigration to place to stay, we decided to take our chances in Green Bay, Wisconsin. It was in August and it was Fall in Wisconsin and the skies was grey and the leafless trees stood tall against the dogshit colored skies, this was what i found myself thrown into, out of the frying pan into the colds of Wisconsin. Green bay and the general lakeside areas of Lake Michigan experiences among the coldest winters in the whole of the United States including Alaska. I had experienced living in a Mobil Home that had no heat during the coldest spell in Green Bay with the temperature that ran  100 degrees below zero with wind chill factor. The gas and water pipes buried underground were cracked open.  But I enjoyed every winter months in Wisconsin, snow evoked purity and minimalism in nature and it opened my mind to a whole new dimension, of how to cope with  Wisconsin Winter. My life in Wisconsin began after I had an awakening experience, an experience that jolted me into action, taking my life into my own hands.

It happened one cold and gloomy afternoon and I was sitting in the Lazy Boy watching Gilligan's Island in Black and White on TV when suddenly i noticed from the corner of my eye huge cotton balls were floating down, swaying from side to side soundlessly from the grey sky, White and Pure! I jumped out of the chair and dashed out of the house into the backyard and stood witth my hands stretched out and my head pointing to the sky with my mouth open and my tongue sticking out trying to catch the snowflakes falling. It was after I heard my mother in law shouting from the kitchen door for me to get back in the house before I freeze my butt that i realized I was barefooted and had only a sarong, {skirt- wrap around} and T-Shirt on dancing like a clown in circles to be witnessed by the entire Sunday morning clients at the Tavern across from the parking  lot. I became the laughing stock of the red neck from all around the Duck Creek area. Like, "What the f..k?! Check this guy out hey! He is dancing in the cold with only a skirt on out there.!"

I turned into the house and while walking in I had the voice within me clear in my head saying in Malay, "Hang ada dinegeri orang, sapa pon tak kenai hang! Hang taku ka, Hang berani ka, Hang tepok Dada selera, baik buruk dalam tangan Hang!" Which translated simply means, you are in a foreign country where no one knows who you are, whether you are strong or weak, good or bad , just chins up and make your choice! I started living again, " No one is going to figure out your life for you, it's your responsibility."; I took my responsibility by the horns and after three years had everything but started to loose my soul, literally, I became worse than the hundreds of cattle that I had worked on the boning table. My experience as a meat boner at The Packing Houses in Green Bay and later Milwaukee. at Peck Meat Packing dehumanized me in the worse possible ways. I threw caution to the wind and became an alcoholic, a drunk who was not happy with how life had turned out to be; I was in despair and angry at myself and took it on my wife and child. Our divorce was immanent and I had to give custody of my child who later oved to Germany with his mom to continue his high school education. I was happy to let him go as I knew it was blessing for him, in disguise and I had nothing to offer at the time.

The few words exchanged between my former wife and I was,

" Sure, now you are free and you are dumping the kid for me to care!" she said something to the effect.

and I said to her, " If i take him, you will not see him again unless you are willing to travel to Malaysia to see him, cause that is what i will do if he was left in my custody. At least i have my family to help me care for him." Our divorce lawyer was x-wife's employer and was a very close buddy of mine so much so that I did not have to pay for the lawyer cost and my x was pissed about it. It was his personal advice to me that listened to and took the way out of my marriage before it got uglier than it already was. I was scared, I was ashamed and I felt humiliated and dehumanized for every negative action that I subjected our relationship to, but I was also relieved and perhaps felt fortunate to be free from the life style that was very toxic for me. " Not everyone will like you, that's life." I do not expect forgiveness for my transgressions, but i have to untangle the tangle of how I could have fallen so low into the depth of depravity and violence; I was lost, totally lost after worked at the the meat packing houses in Wisconsin.

Yes, "Shit happens!' and some in a big way while others were more tolerable and loosing my wife and son was the major kick in my guts and in my spirit, my heart was broken but i had none to turn to except the bottle and sleezy bars and porno -flicks to kill my time in between killing myself at the meat table and being home alone. Then came Allen Hautamaki our close friend at the apartment in Green Bay. Allen upon learning of my poor state of affairs talked my into going to college and the University at Green Bay where he was a student councilor and the rest is history. "Holy Shit!" The transformation from a meat cutter to a University student was short of a miracle and in a way another kick in the butt for my road towards self discovery, like the question was all along there demanding for an answer, Who am I? and "Go f..k yourself?" If you ever step into the Jake's Pizza Place on East Main Street, in Green Bay, Wisc. say hi to the owner for me and tell him i will take the usual. I will next door at the Wolf's Den checking out the chicks for a bit...Ya Hey! Green Bay! Go Packers!

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If you are still with me Great! If not see you on the other side.

 

One knows when there is nothing more to say really about the nature of what is a spiritual life or an enlightened life, what it is to be awakened in body mind and spirit into this very moment when one's fingers raps from key to key to make this post  as the story needs to be shared, it is not over even when you think you have the marbles into the right holes, no sir, you may feel like you can connect the dots and solve the puzzle but I feel that it is just the beginning, the journey has just begun. Death stands two shadow lengths in front of you, so slow down, you are in no hurry to catch up with you are in no hurry to get anywhere. Silence the mind from making these notations about what is transpiring in the very realm of our personal existence, a silent observer sees more and feels with authentic clarity than with a mind full of chattering. There is no observer nor anything to be observed, take no note of what manifest from moment to moment except for the purpose of learning and teaching; in silence we can communicate, we came inform, we can warn, we can correct, we can shift and sway one another while we are on this same path. We can lend a helping hand share a space in small corner of our hearts for some one to take refuge in; practice Compassion without expectations of returns and become The Lord of Mercy, yes we can, it is our inherent nature, become aware of what we are and what we are capable of alone or collectively. There is no doer in this! Become free from attachment to all actions, become free from identifying with each and every as moment is an act, as every breath is a motion, in short give up all hope and enter...The Gateless Gate, be daring to take that 'one step beyond!'

I have  problem understanding what i just wrote so don't feel bad. Rest assured I will come to make some sense out of this non-sense eventually, stay with me. I was responsible for splitting the Han into two at the Green Gulch Zen Community Center. The Han was the original thick piece of wood from the days of  Suzuki Roshi, the founder of the Soto Zen School in California. What is the Han? Why am I telling you this? Just another story of days and actions gone by. 

In most Zen Temples in Japan and later in other countries including the US there is this block of wood that hangs by a rope to a man's height and it is about two by one and about three inch thick, made out of a special kind of hard wood that resonates sound when hit. Along with this piece of wood is the hammer also made from the same wood and it is used to call the monks to the zendo for a sitting or any activity that concern the community, it is a loud hailer. In the Muslim way the traditional mosques, the kampung suraus or smaller mosque have a kind of wooden drum usually mad out of a hollowed piece of tree trunk and accompanied by the same hammer for striking . The Christian churches has the bells, the 'Church bells are ringing, "The toll of the iron bell calling the faithful to their need.' Islam has the Bilal or the crier who calls out loud the time for prayers or the azan and presently in Malaysia it has become an ongoing source of complaint from among the non-Muslims as the azan is being played from the loud speakers going full blast, as they say in the hood, cranked up way up and has become quite an issue to the ears. It is in issues like this that I would take the middle path, neither for or against. Only simple common sense is enough, it don't need a genius or an enlightened mind to figure it out...it is all an entertainment of the ego mind. 

So I find myself back at square one time and again repeating the same old routine and call it practice, a way of life of living, call it the Buddha's way or the way of the Prophet of Allah, the way of the Tao or the Way of the Great Spirit, and just when I am about to give it all up, the reminder comes of the fact that i have a vow to keep, that of the Vow of a Boddhisatva; I have a purpose for being here in this time space and physical form realm that the Buddhist knows as the Nirmanakaya of the Shakyamuni Buddha; what is reality? I ask of myself how far or how deep have I dived into this, this that I call my practice, my path, my journey from birth to death and rebirth. What is time but just waiting. Time is from here to there ed infinitum. 'To everything, turn, turn, turn, there is a season, turn, turn , turn. A time to change a time to remain, a time to give and a time to receive, a time to live and a time to die..." From a lyric to a song from the oldies. The impermanence of  life is considered by the Buddha to be the second cause of suffering. The realization that nothing last forever or eternal, that life ends with death is the reminder of how fragile we really are while living out our existence on this plane of existence. From cradle to grave l live my life as a form of practice, of observation and analytical evaluation, I experiment with my life by doing the best and the worse that a man can do without harming himself beyond repair and live to share it with others. 

" Bye bye Miss American Pie, drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry... This will be the day that I die, this will be day that I die...The day the music die.."  lyrics that keep coming into my consciousness from the You Tube as I am typing this post, what else is there to do on this Monday morning but just chill... this after all is a crucial part of my practice of late, to sit back and watch the grass grow... if you are still with me then we got somewhere to go with all these ramblings, if not see you on the other side of what is...

" Circumstances makes man, not man circumstance." and someone once said

"When thinking about life remember this: no amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of anxiety can change the future..." 

 We live in this day and age where the wisdom of the ancient is readily available at our fingertips, however it is a matter of whether we choose to seek them out or let them be wasted into the graveyard of time... for my martial arts instructor {Pa'Abu Johan}, once said," When a master dies, he takes with him the final cut, the hit that can kill or the defense that is impeccable, this final secret he kept for himself and take it to the grave with him." 

                                  No matter from which angle you see me I am who I choose to be.

The End Game of the Kali Yuga -The age of Decadence.

 There are days like this my mother use to tell me, when there is nothing left to contemplate and nothing worth trying to justify about. Sometimes ageing sucks and one just have to live with it. The road has been one long roller coaster of ups and down and those that you once knew up close and personal are mostly gone leaving you behind guessing what lay on the other side or will you ever meet them again. No sense in looking back and looking back is all that you have to keep your mind occupied as looking forward is all a guessing  trip, being in the here and now is the only state of being that is left worth cultivating to the fullest for being in the moment is eternity.

Took a stroll towards the sunrise during a low tide at the Malay Fisherman's Jetty off the Lim Chong Eu highway in Jelutong. This has been one of my retreat for many years and i have made many friends here having witnessed a few death among them. The Jetty will soon be a part of the Penang coastal history as soon as the developers reach this site. They call it development and argues that it creates jobs, so what can you say except they develop to create non affordable condos for the foreigners who could afford it while hiring cheap foreign workers to get the job done. At the end of the day a way of life, a culture is lost forever and the landscape will forever become a replica of some foreign crowded cities like Hong Kong or Singapore. 

 

One of the very few who still stayed strong at carrying out the fishing industry here and who is also the owner of the restaurant at the entrance to the jetty. Cutting up a 3.3 kilo Siakap or Sea Bass freshly caught the night before. In the basket are also a few Pari or Ray in English and some Sembilang or Whhitelipped Eel Catfish. These days an average young Malaysian would not be able to name three different species of fish he finds in the local market, not in Bahasa Malaysia, {Malay} nor in English.

The tide is out and it makes for good photo shots of shadows and shadows is all that is left when it all comes to an end and we call it a shadow of the past as the tide has ran out for good for these fishermen whose livelihood has been wrenched from under them. 

The shredded and weather beaten Malaysian Jalur Gemilang flags still flies reminding me the impermanence of life not even the sense of pride remains. The Malay politicians has sold their souls to the devil as they had ripped off their fellow Malays making promises that they they into the polluted sea after they had got what they wanted for themselves. Now that they are gone most of them the Malays left behind on the Island are pretty much living at the mercy of the Chinese and Indians economically as they have no back up to look to for help. They end up living in the cheap low coast housing here and there if they can afford it.

I have been taking pictures of these huts for quite sometime now recording their slow demise as they crumble into the mud. It is like watching the fall of a way of life for those who once had hopes of making it out of the way of the main crowd on the mainland. They took the chance of building these shanties on the water so they can carry out their fishing activities but time and what is called progress has not spared them.

I have been coming to this spot for over twelve years now and every time i come i find a sense of reality that reminds me of myself as i grow old and face the final countdown of decay and death. However despite it all i also find the peace and tranquility that only the sea and the open skies can give a sense that says to enjoy life while you still can as nothing in this realm last forever.

Humanity is Drifting - Away from order into chaos.

 

After listening as attentively as this 75 year old mind could afford to, i have come to a realization as to the nature of the International Court of Justice and what the United nations as a whole amounts to as to what it can and cannot do. If there is fairness in this life then what South Africa has done in calling out the State of Israel accusing it of committing genocide is applaudable and a fair move in order to bring an end to the carnage that is going on in the Gaza and Palestine as a whole. No nation prior to this has taken the step to do so and mostly due to the fact that to do so would incur the ire of the United States the handler of the leash to the the Jewish State of Israel. No country has taken the lead to accuse the United States directly for being complicit in supporting and allowing for the the genocide to be carried out on the Palestinians and for as long as the US sits on the Security Council no resolutions can pass without being vetoed by the US if it is against the interest of the Israeli State. Having lived in the US for 21 years and having two my children being born there, I feel sad and disappointed for the way the US Government has become sallied by the drags of war and inhumane ventures in its foreign policy while in the guise of upholding the fight for democracy. In this historical event, Israel is like David facing an enemy however it is not Goliath as the Giant stands behind as a back up plan or security insurance. #southafrica, #israel, #gaza, #palestine

"The U.S. Hague Invasion Act, " becomes law during the Bush Jr. administration. Thanks to George Galloway, I now have found out something new that i never knew before which means the Hague Int. Court of Justice is screwed where Israel is concern. Please watch George Galloway on the Danny Haiphong You Tube podcast for the details. Hence if Israel were to be found guilty as accused of committing genocide, America would invade the Hague and put things right so to speak in favor of its bosom buddy. #thehague, #genocide, #georgegalloway, #theushagueinvasioact

There is written in the Quran or is it the Hadith that it is not worth giving attention to things that are irrelevant or of any concern of yours, in other words, like mind your own business! This simple words of advice alone should tell me to just shrug and turn my mind away from all these happenings in the Hague or in the Gaza Strip or in Sudan or the Red Sea, the Ukraine and the South China Seas, I should pretty much give up on my care and concern over things that are beyond my control or are of any good to me especially at my age where the home is saying farewell and the grave is waving welcome; I should pay more attention perhaps over my spiritual or religious status at present in life. This is common sense, this does not take genius to figure out but it is still stated in the Holy Book somewhere as an advice to those like me. I used to have a great respect for Jordan Peterson at one time and now i don't, I used to believe it makes a difference in writing all about myself exposing as much as possible my strength and weaknesses in the hope that like they say it helps to untangle the tangle or  reveal my true nature and know who I am; how I have been fooling myself. Have I ? #sudan, #redsea, #southchinaseas

It's 6:20 am. and suddenly out of the quiet of the morning from both sides of my ears came the cry for the morning prayer from two nearby mosques that have the loud speakers on full blast like they do every five times a day here. I almost feel sorry for the predominantly Chinese community dead and alive who have to bear the loud wailing every five times a day; I live next to the largest Chinese cemetery called Batu Gantung on this Island and the apartments in and around the area I live in is home to 90% Chinese and Indians with a few Malays. I highly doubt that these non-Muslims very much appreciate being raised out of their sleep this early on a Sunday morning.; but, such is. Should i care too much about such matters? Perhaps i should as it affects me too on a personal level. Yes, for years now I feel guilty for not praying as a good Muslim should every time I hear the Azan or call to prayer and my mind would not allow this to slide no matter what. Religious or spiritual guilt is hell on earth for the soul and especially a soul that knows it should pray more than others for all the sins it has committed in its seventy odd years of existence; I pray, I pray in my own way on my own terms and by my own volition, it is between me and my God that I pray. I am not a 'Good' Muslim but I am a lover of my Lord, Allah Aza wa Jala. The Lord of Creations and i know He listens to my prayers and sometimes even fulfills my Doa' or plea even if they often manifest in the form of small insignificant miracles that makes me raise my eyebrows in wonder; I Love my Creator! It is out of this love for my Lord that I pay attention and make every effort to come to a right understanding of every minute detail of His Creation within me and without albeit physical, mental or spiritual even as I am making these justifications at this early hours of a Sunday Morning. #allah, #muslims, 

it's 7:15 and i am listening to Pink Floyd -'Comfortably Numb' as the sun is rising outside my window.