Why Not? What better things is there to do?

 "The sun is the same in the relative way, but you're older,

  shorter of breath cause you to death.!" - Pink Floyd 

Just got to keep reminding this self that the time is almost at hand for a wrapping up of the whole Blogging trip. This documentation of who I am where i have been and what I have done. It is time to come up with a conclusion if not a conciliation of understanding of the why and so forth to begin with, like why did I wanted to write about myself since 1978 till this day. What was my intention, what had hoped to achieve at the end of the journey. I have spent a good numbers of hours and days if not years of my life writing down my thoughts trying to make sense out of non-sense, trying to justify though not convincing, exposing and revealing past actions and experiences that has affected my present state of being. The road that has led to this mount on top which I stand and claim my right to become that which I seek, to assume the role of a complete and perfect being -Sat - while in this realm in this time of the Kali Yuga. It is time to lay aside my ego, remove my mask and become empty of being itself, it is time to enter silence. I shall henceforth double my effort in getting my mental chatter to the most minimum like in dealing with the present day to day activity, my daily routine. To fully accept that there is no I that is doing or performing but only action itself. I may not fully succeed at doing this however i have planted the seed of awareness in this matter into my consciousness, it is my consciousness that acts or projects what is  as Is.

Letting go is never easy, however letting go I must, slowly bit by bit I have to let go of the past that has taken root in my mind and keeps reemerging off and on and I have to learn to become detached from my present actions by removing myself from being a doer, a witness, an observer a documenter; I am no more. I exist and I don't, I am here and I am not, time it seems is beginning to makes less and less sense, a repetition of actions day in day out, there is change and there is no change and all relative to one's perception. I am creating illusion to destroy illusion; I am the illusion, I do not exist and it is not because i read it in a book or listened to a great Guru talk on You Tube, no it is because I have taken the long tedious road towards getting here where i am at; I have earned the rites of passage to write and admit what i wish to if it helps to heal and liberate my own splintered soul. This is and has always been one of my portal for letting go of my past, my egoic mind my deluded self, my garbage bin filled with deleted thoughts and experiences of the past ; this is my Safety Valve for the release of excess non-functional energies, my stress and tensions, my headaches and lower back pains, my doubts, paranoia and fears as I continue on this path for better or worse.

What would it be like to let go of all the narratives , the imaginations, the perceptions, the thoughts and dreams and desires, what would it be like to become free of the "I" thought. No choice to be made no desires to be fulfilled and no death to be feared of and no Suffering. As the Wise One  is said to have said, "Suffering Is, None who Suffers, Nirvana, Is but none who Attains It." What would it be like to become absolutely detach from this existence itself in any form shape or presence, what would it be like if you have no idea whatsoever of who you are or what you are and all there is is just, This! , What would reality be like for you being here and now and knowing that there is no you at all to begin with, to become or not to become. Dare you take that one step beyond? or Are you even any where close to take that step into the unknown, the Void, The abyss, The Gateless Gate; choices to be made, choices that confronts your very sanity, your present state of mind, your egoic mind, that which will fight to last drop if need be to stay alive and fully convince you to become who you think you are.  It is the Ego's death that needs to happen if I am to become free from all my karmic consequences of the past, present and future; I need to let go of my Ego, this personality that I have assumed over  the past seventy odd years, perhaps only then would i become free of my narratives...etc.

Maha Bhava, Love and devotion to God, the Higher Order, or Supreme Consciousness and Satyam, that which is true, authentic will lead to intelligence, chit. I am just rambling off my mind so don't take too seriously of what i am sharing, I could be wrong about all these. On this Sunday morning after doing my chores and sitting for few moments to settle down I sat and watched an almost full moon setting down behind the Penang Hill while on the opposite side the sun is rising in full blaze. I told myself that i could never retell the moment, the feeling I had, the thoughts that try to scramble my silence, the stories that wanted to be told about the moment as I sat in deep meditation while focused upon a setting planet closest to mine whose presence I often took for granted. For a moment in time i felt the silence and before me stretch a bird's eye view of the whole Batu Gantung Chinese cemetery and the layout of the whole Air Itam Area with the Kek Lok Si temple sitting at the foot of the hill, with the sound of traffic and dogs barking and birds arguing, I felt the silence;  I was at peace with the Whole.

Unsui, meaning clouds and water by one translation, in the Zen tradition Unsui carries a deeper meaning and that to mean the presence of impermanence in our lives. Just as the moon slipped behind the hills, a moment is lost forever just like white clouds before an empty blue sky. Such Is! A lesson learned from Buddhism, that Impermanence is the cause of suffering second only to Desire. It's my take, my understanding of what i had learned correct me if i am not accurate. Nothing is permanent or eternal in this life not that which in nature or created, nothing save the Spirit; it belongs to the Lord and will return to the Lord at the End of Days. Having knowledge of this is the cause of human suffering, he knowledge of one's own demise is imminent. This realization has laid a very strong impact upon one's own take on life, how I perceive and accept what life has pushed my way and how i have been assisted now and again by Divine Grace that every so often in some small ways had made my life not too bad after all compared to many others less fortunate. Impermanence is beacon of understanding the true nature of what life is, that we are here just for duration of time and then we move on to the next level or phase of our evolution, albeit evolving towards becoming a toad or a prince in our next cycle. off course this will not work out well if one is a Muslim or a Christian or any of the People of the Book. The believe is reincarnation is a messy subject when put in the form of comparison with other faiths; I hold a strong believe in the evolution of the Human Spirit as he live his life from cradle to grave, before and much after till he is liberated from Ignorance.

Ignorance another cause of human suffering is not just being dumb or stupid but also being too lazy to learn, to take the trouble to understand and to ask questions and demand the right answers, the Truth. Ignorance id living in a mirage created by the forms of illusions projected into being by one's own ignorant mind or the mass projections of the Conditioned Collective Minds. To overcome ignorance is another form of healing practice, practice of finding the right balance and correct doses of what we need and not what we want in order that we may live a blissful life despite all the past trials and tribulations we have been through.