Thank God, Its Friday!

                                               Electro Magnetic Field in my Brain.
Title; Electro- Magnetic Field
Oil and Acrylic on Plywood
Two panels combination.
3'x3'
A Part of my Space Series, (Inner and Outer Space).
Stored at Lee Khai's's office
Ong and Manecksha
200 Victoria Street, 10300, Penang.

Waking up I was innundated with the sound of life from all around me, the Restaurant downstairs, the loud singing in the kitchen areas and the reason why I had to get out of bed, ripping through my senses almost knocking me back to forced sleep, but i had to send my daughter to work, so I braved my self and decided what must be ,must be. One thing leading to the next events I find my way here like a calf seeking its mother's tits, addicted to life. It is indeed a beautiful morning with Dr. Chong, (USM, leading Astronome and Rocket Scientist) entertaining the school kids visiting the Museum to a "Rocket Launching programe" ...Satu!, Louder! Dua! Teeega@! Whoosh! off flies the Coke bottle into the the atmosphere and returning to earth lazily hung to a small parachute and the kids went ballistic! It is Friday morning and the question is do i or do i not go to the Mosque today? If i don't there is the whole day of feeling the guilt and if i do ...will see.

KUALA LUMPUR, Oct 18 — Banning non-Muslims from calling God “Allah” is tantamount to “syirik”, which refers to the sin of practicing idolatry or polytheism and is an unforgivable crime in Islam, respected Islamic scholar and former Perlis Mufti Datuk Dr Asri Zainul Abidin has warned Muslims.
The influential Islamic scholar stressed that Muslims must answer “Allah”, if a non-Muslim were to ask them who his true god is.

“They cannot say, ‘Your god and my god are different. You cannot say the name of my god’,” Asri wrote in a post on his blog yesterday.
“If they say that, then they are committing ‘syirik’,” added the Muslim cleric.

Now I feel a breath of fresh air has been blown into the matter pertaining to the word "Allah" for the Muslim Malays in Malaysia, although late in coming the former Mufti of has thrown down the gauntlets and touched upon the very nerves of Islam; I salute him.
Alhamdullilah! Blessings go Allah for having willed that one man has spoken up for what he truly understands and believe in the Way of Islam, The Way of Muhammad's, Allah, as the Turki Ahmad Hulusi termed it. Allah is All Compassionate, not a man or woman with lots of compassion, but the very Essence of Compassion itself, indiscribable by human forms or standards, He has the abundance Sense of Forgiveness and Love, this is His attribute in human terms and we , who are we to demnd for justice in His name without total commitment towards the integration and not the disintigration of our human race in its spiritual sense; Islam is the Religion of Unity, The last of the Prophets, The Rasul of Allah was sent to reconcile the human race, not just the Arabs through the Complete Acceptance of The One - Allah, Lord of the Worlds; you can definitely call Him God if that is what your religion teaches you or you can call him Allah..The One.
However taking a more sublime view I sense through my physical as well as mental reactions that I am definitely moved by the experience the word is the Universal Sound that vibrates throughout your physical as well as spitiutal foundations if uttered with complete MIndfulness; the Word is (God).
The Hindu Vedic Word is Aum! But in Aum it is Sound nothing but just it. In Allh the word claims itself to Be the One True Being. The sound when uttered while in a state of complete being, can be very potent as it will reach the farthest excesses of the Universe. Likewise the vibrational chords of the sound is transported inwards penetrating every nooks and crannies every cell and every Atom in its path with rejuvenating energy like a car being boosted. The Sound Effect upon our human form has great influences over our mood swings and how we perceive the Universe if not our personal lives. Like our daily ejections of our stool we have become removed from being aware of this our audio sense faculty.
When my daughter came out from the delivery room my late wife and I laid down on bed and I had my infant child on my chest all of us taking a break just after the delivery. I started noticing Marissa's rythm of breathing and i breath in time with hers as she aly rising and falling on my chest. In the beggining her heart was racing so rapidly that I felt scared, then I noticed that her rise and fall of breathing was in time with the Hospital's ventilation system which rins on a themostat,it kicks in every few minutes and run for a few minutes and then dies down for a few mintues; this was the vibration of the Universe for my dughter when she came into this life.
My breathing consciously and with much love and preservation  gradually was able to calm hers and settles to the normal rate as mine was at that moment in time; Pranayama Yoga, Understanding your breath. I realized how dependable the infants first moments of breathing is following the rythm of the thermostatic intervals of the ventillating system, in speed and rise and fall and when she was still in her mother's womb i could follow her breathing throught the sound system they have to listen to the baby's breath out loud, it was then I tthought sounded more like a pack of horses galloping picking up speed and then dlowing off into almost a silence then to rise again, but then I did not make the connection with the regulatory influence of the Hospital cooling system.
I realized too fo sensitivce her skin would be when first coming tinto contact with the outside world and today i marvel at how some people would handle an infant carelssly at birth as the first contact we have would have a tremendous affect  on the baby. even the surface of the wrap-around soft cloth would proof too sensitive and the infants only reaction would be to scream. 
Then the first words that comes to her ears were, La illa ha'Illal lah! whispered in her ears and this is the first vibrationaol imput that is meant to reach the spirit within, Allahu Akhbar! The Lord is Great! There is None, only He is the Lord of Creation. Sound matters in our genetical as well as spiritual and physical well being, our brains are equipped to cope with all manners of sound, at all levels of octaves and deciblesand these soundwaves affects the development of our general well being or adversely could cause us to sickness and lack. I listen to my car engine as i drive ver intimately just like a pilot would do so with the airplane engines as he flies through the night thousands of feet in the skies.
The word Allah to me is the sound that i relate to when I call upom my Lord to be in His presence or when i am trapped in some situation where life and death is involved or when I am simply afraid and at a loss. The very sound I create from within me, AllaaHh!, gives me that sense of being in the presence of my Creator and even death becomes secondary. For if I die with my consciousness is clearly in connection with my Creator then I have not lived in vain, I retrun to the Source that which I identify as Allah!
It is just a word, but it is the Word of words. The most exalted of words man can utter with his last breath and at the moment of death can make the difference between heaven or hell. For those who  have chosen other names such as God, Yehaweh and so forth, only their Gods can tell, Wallahu Alam. (Only Allah knows).
 I went to the Friday Prayer at the Masjid Jamek Sungai Pinang a mosque that i belong to, the mosque where i helped skinned three calves for the Korban two days ago or was it three...God! How time flies!. It was one of the best Friday Prayer i ever had and I told the Imam this when I shook his hand a good sermon ending with a great doa' and the very strong and beautiful sound of hundreds of male voices following the Imam in celebrating the Aidil Ardha or hari Raya Haji. Allahu Akhbar...Allahu Akhbar...Allahu Akhbar...La illa Ha'illal lah ...21 times. I felt present in mind and spirit, I felt the connectedness of one voice  from many almost as though I stood before my Lord with a feeling of acceptance, forgiven but still not completely clean or accepttable by His standards. I have mny rivers yet to cross and more trials and tribulations yet to endure,; I am still in the realm of ignorance, just barely waking up. before my Lord. I do not feel deserved to stand on the frontline where i always pray from the first row but I trust that it is Allah's will that I love to be at the mosque at least an hour earlier just to pray and sit in the quietness and solemnity and sanctuary of the House of The Lord. His Mosque.







 

Zen Scatology - The Way of Shit!

                                                   The Crab Nebula. (3x3' oil on canvass)
There is no such constellations as you see it in the Universe anywhere out there although the image was taken off the Internet from a Space Photo taken by an astrophysicist. By the time i was through with it the original has transformed into my own inner forms of thoughts and silence. Perhaps I have created yet another constellations of stars and planets out there, i have set in motion a strong, passionate and genuine impulse for the Universe to express itself, at least this is what i am being made to understand from having read and studied and meditated upon for years of what i haVE COME TO OR WHAT WILL I COME TO BE WHO I AM! (THE CAPITALS WERE MISTYPED, I WILL LET IT Be).
The painting is presently stored at Ong and Manecksha,
Associates and Solicittors,
200, Victoria Street,
10300 Penang,
Malaysia.
It is part of my "Space, The Final Frontier" series.
For any purchase enquiries, please contact Mr. Lee Khai.
While checking out the bookshelf at China House Restaurant where Marissa works at on Beach Street and Victoria Street, in Georgetown, a place Marissa waitressed at every time she is on vacation from college, I found another good resourceful reading very tightly connected with my journey, I found a book by Charles T. Tart, Living The Minful Life. (a handbook for living in the present moment).
An insightful foreword by Sogyal Rinpoche, author of The Tibetan Book of the Living and Dying. I am fortunate to have come into close contact and benefited in more than one way from having read the works of G.I. Gurdjieff and through it D. Ouspenski's analytical study of the human consciousness. I studied under Jack Kornfeld and Thich Nacht Hanh, Norman Fischer and  Lou andBlanch Hartman, i was a student with Reb Anderson and I sat with Paul Disco as my main Instructor in my Zen Practice at Green Gulch Farm on Star Route One, Sausalito, Marin County, California; I spent two years of my life and transformed myself from what i was to what I am today.
I was the 'disruptor' to some, I was the incorrigible to others, I was an exotic clown, and I was a deadly serious Student of Zen in the lineage of Sunryu Suzuki Roshi; The San Francisco Zen Center. This was a part of my journey through this spiritual life, ( not that i realized it as such most of my younger life.) for there were a whole lot of hedonistic and free for all dramas too that were involved for which I am reaping the karmic consequences and enjoying myself rambling about my past; what good is your past experience if it cannot be shared?  I can safely say that I have more than earned the rights of passage to be able to write as my mind dictates my fingers to write my thoughts out even if it is merely relating stories form the past,; within theses stories i find wisdom that was hidden from me when I was in the midst of it, I only experienced the pain or pleasure of it but not the essence of every lesson it was meant to expose. I was not present in the moment, but my mind was, with all its preconditioned thought processes my mind became the director, the document,r the analyzer of what transpired and how long it sustained and how it dissipated into the memory files located deep in the recesses of the subconscious; what are the passwords!? One tap on the enter button and I realize I can unleash my mind to throw out all its hidden skeletons and treasures from years of living a life of a rambler, a story teller and entertainer of sorts, if not just to keep a the light of the great masters keep shining as darkness is threatening to engulf humanity from all around in shapes and forms that were once created from innocence and sincere desires and later transformed into warped ideas and weapons of mass destructions.
I believe i can fly, I believe I can fly just like everyone else but most of everyone my mind has attached itself to this phenomenal existence, the realm of forms and space, this physical realm that the Buddha considered to be the most auspicious realm to be if one is in the human form, for it is only in the form as humans can man conscious liberate himself, free from the bonds of ignorance; he can learn to at least die will full consciousness and right understanding of that which is life and death. Having lived life like a rolling stone most of my life and having gathered knowledge and wisdom from the corners of the planet, I feel the 'Ke reda'an Allah' or Lord's Grace has always been in me throughout my journey. His Grace has sustained me through the darkest and lightest nights of my life, in fear and in sorrow, in loneliness and despair, my thoughts would revert to Him even if often in the form of accusation and anger; the lack of justice, I would wail in the silence of the night, Why!! Why be here in this misery? Who asked to be here?! Did i have any choice in this decision? It started at a very early age, ever since I learned what religion was all about as I was raised as a Buddhist and a Muslim, both at the same time, for 12 years of my life. This was my life growing in Georgetown, Penang, where I attended Francis Light Primary School sometime in 1956, a year before the country gained its Independence.
Yes, the mind enjoys worm digging and rummaging through old clothes just to savour the smell of bygone days, this too is alright for so long as it does not become a habit for no good reason; turn these thoughts and images from the past into food and fodder for reflections. case studies, dissections and amputations of cancerous tissues to be replaced and rejuvenated by ne w and healthy thoughts and dieas that helps to keep a meaningful existence towards being in Consciousness and Awareness of one's existence; turn the shit into a healthy compost and feed it to a healthy cabbage patch and produce the juiciest cabbage in the whole county, organic. Ironically in this day and age we hardly take a glance at what we dispose off when we sit on the toilet bowl with our magazine in our hand and and a cigarette smoking on the other, we take our crap and as soon as we feel like we had enough we wipe our ass and take a sniff at our fingers before we reach back and punch the flush unit, whoosh! All gone! This is how close we come to knowing what we are made up of. For those who have grown up gotten use to 'Washing your butts after taking a dump, consider yourself fortunate that you at least have good confidence that your butt hole is thoroughly clean when you walk out of the toilet; no left over residues, not physically nor mentally, good spiritually. Study your stool as you pass your motion as often as you can Don't wait for the doctors and nurses to do it for you. The shape and color, and consistency of your stool can tell a telltale sign of what the condition of your stomach is like. Compare what you ate last and what came out and you would be surprise at what you might learn. If what is consumed is good, what comes out on the other end will be no less and sometimes even your shit can smell good. If you set off your day with a good smile on your face after taking a crap, you are guaranteed a blessed day. Try this, no one is watching, only you and your dump! Take a closer look, even if it is just a disgusting glance, but try to see what was just ejected from your guts, your waste product, your used and discarded stuff that you will continually consume and discharge till you die, look at it. I doubt the Buddha taught this but I feel it makes for good meditation practice especially if everthing seems not work for you in your search for a method a system an institution, a monastery, a form of drug, a form of worship, no, nothing seems to be of choice for you; take up the Zen of Scatology... the Way of Shit!

Selamat hari Raya Haji! --Greetings on the Aidl Adha!

                                                       Deep Purple
At the invitation of my brother Lee Khai I joined the Bible Study Fellowship group which was held at the Methodist Church on the corner of Anson and Burmag Road in Gerogetown. There were quite a number of people attending the study group for adult males comprising of mostly Chinese with a handful of Indians and in my beginners group I met two Nigerians and a gentleman from Minyanmar. Initially we were introduced to the fellowship and explained of its basic cause and purpose I was made to understand that the group's intention is to study the Bible and discover its hidden meanings, the group is not affiliated to any particular Christian Church.
My personal involvement  is to take advantage of the offer and make a thorough study of another major religion of the world, Christianity, the religion of Jesus Christ, or as known to the the Muslims as (Nabi IsaAlaii Salam). I have many unanswered questions about the Religion of Christ and like all the other religions in my life Christianity plays a significant role as I was married to ladies of Catholic Faith and two of my children were being raised through the religion of their mothers my late wife who passed away in Illinois, was laid to rest in a Christan cemetery; she is a Muslim by conversion. Here in Malaysia I have numerous Christian friends and the ever rising concern over the clash between Islam and Christianity in this country is becoming a concern as it raise allot of issues borders of suspicions and accusations; there need to be a very deep understanding of the two religions if there is to a be harmonious coexistence between the two.
This morning a glace at my Face Book I found my friend David's comment about the word 'Allah' being claimed as exclusive only to MUslims and not to be used in any religious translations such as the Bible a sore issue that seems both ironic and paradoxical but none the less a sensitive issue for the Muslim Malays in Malaysia.I have not come across any such claims made by any other Muslim countries not even Pakistan or Saudi Arabia, so I am assuming only Muslim Malays are making it their claim and are willing to go all out war if need be as the matter has arrived at the Highest Court of law in the country. it occupies the headlines in our Media and is being made a topic of conversation in coffee shops and the parliament. Most who I talk with has their legitimate reasons albeit the Muslims or Christians and I am at a crossroad as to what the final verdict would be for me personally. It is my concern as a Muslim by conversion and a Buddhist by birth, one who has four children from mothers who ancestry are all Catholics. I have Uncles and Aunties who are Hindus and an adopted family who are Christians by faith. It is to honor them that i choose to dwell on this matter if not as a concerned citizen who fears the prospect any religious conflict that can result from such matteres and in this case a word, a name; why only i can use it and not the rest of you (non-Muslims).
I am positive all parties involved in this issue are religious leaders with high calibre of understanding and taken all and every aspect of the issue before they came to a decision and those who may loose their case will feel the injustice of it all. I have my personal commitment to Allah Subahan HuwaTaala, the One God, Al-Lah, to help for a better understanding of this mater for myself as a believer, as one who have accepted Islam as my faith. my commitment to my faith in Him is to share with my friends whoever or wherever they may be, my personal insight, my feelings; I believer Allah would have written it in His Quran on this matter or the Prophet would specify who can who cannot in His Hadiths or perhaps one of the Kalifah of Islam would have a fatwa- edict in this matter as it is a vital issue that threatens to tear apart two families of the same 'Father'; Malaysia does not deserve such a fate as she has evolved to transcend Ignorance, I wish to believe so. We are a Nation of intelligent men and women who are mostly educated in the West or the Middle East, I hope our great minds will find skillful means to come to an amicable end where both of these 'Religions of the Book' will help to promote healthy, creative and spiritually vibrant a society, Lord knows we need it.
I am convinced that intelligent and unprejudiced minds have debated over the issue from both sides and International Religions Councils have been consulted with regard to this matter of God-Allah, yes No! I see it as a matter of how as to a matter of why to answer to approach this issue,; the whys and wherefores are impediments that will help only to irritate and instigate more confusion, the 'How' is more productive and perhaps even creative, how do we find the Right Means to solve the issue without making it a problem that cannot be revoked once set rolling, there is no turning back, it will only ride on our backs into the future generations like a cancerous sore waiting to happen. For me there is no clear cut solution but it is not impossible to come to a happy agreement somewhere in the middle, we will meet halfway in dealing with this issue and aspire to arrive at a better understanding through getting to know one another's understanding and belief systems, gradually and with tediousness a Muslim will have to understand the religious culture of the Malaysian Non-Muslims; Right Understanding- Unbiased by any ethnic or racial sentiments, least of all not by political ideologies and exploitations. Only a man of God can stand and bear witness without any doubts or prejudices, Tawakal lah kamu atas nama Allah (SWT), Have Complete Faith in your Lord's Grace and Judge ye not...Lest ye be Judged. In whatever name shape and form my mind can conjure up my Lord, he is still One and for so long as i maintain this physical form I am manifesting Shirik; for there is me and there is my Lord.
Allah yang Maha Wujud, God is the only existence, the only Force, the only Sustainer, the only silence within the silence when the hearts stop beathing, InnaLillahi wa' Innalillahi Rajiu'n...From The I come to Thee I return, my Lord...I am no more. my life was lived as an experiment as well as a spiritual journey, a Journey to The Lord of Power, I am on my sacred journey towards Your Throne, just like the Tibetans as they knelt and prostrate their way to the Potalla to pay their tribute to the Budhha, I am approaching You in my own way, sometimes on my hands and knees sometimes while i am lost in some arrogance and forgetfulness, but ever step of the way, as i draw in my breath I cal out Your Name... Hu-Allah! and when I let it out I my mind is fixed on You as my sustain er and that at any moment you have the power to stop me on my tracks, ready or not to stand before You and be accounted for. I believe in the day of reckoning, I may not have nay clue as to how it will work out but from what little I have read and been told, it will not be nice for most of us.
What we have in Malaysia is not so much as a Language issue or the right to or no to use the word,(ALLAH), ours is more of an Ethnic and cultural issue, to put most blatantly i it is a matter of the Muslim Malays against the rest of the country. I cannot help feel like there is a sense of weakness in faith the lack of confidence among my fellow Muslims; that we are incapable of upholding our 'Tawakal' in Allah, there is almost a sense of insecurity in our selves as Muslims. We are not allowing for for nature and collective spirit to take its courses but step in and obliterate every rational possibilities that can be generate from this experience; like how do we educate the masses without investing  our own self serving interests. Can our minds be free from all forms, ideas and beliefs systems, from their demands in influences to come to a decision wholeheartedly for the benefit of mankind and his future. The ripples of any decision made today will ripple throughout the centuries ahead, it is sad and ironic that the word itself has become a problem that will cause the schism between two brotrherly religions of the same root and for it to happen in a country that has accepted religious tolerance as the national institution, the word 'Allah' issue, is about to cause yet another rift between Islam and the rest of the Culture Religious whole of our society.
I spent the early afternoon of the Aidil Adha skinning three calves from the six that was slaughtered at the mosque grounds as the Korban ritual was carried out. God wanted Abraham to sacrifice his frst born to Him by slitting his throat and Abraham complied. I was the 'Test of Tests', in one's faith in God. What are you willing to sacrifice for Me? God replaced Abraham's son, Isaac, (according to the Torah and Bible and Ishmael according to the Muslim tradition, with a mountain goat when Abraham was about to make the cut. This small inconsistency in the Judeo Christian and Muslim traditions raise a question in my mind for a long time...the question, which of his sons did Abraham put on the sacrificial altar? I am positive both Judaism and Christianity will have their true version of the historical event just as the Muslims would; it is written in the Quran, in the Lord's own words. But the fact remains till today that the schism happened to lay asunder two biblical religions that would lead into history so much conflicts and killings all in the name of the One Creator; our version is the legitimate version.
Later on during the times of Jesus and Christianity, the Principle of the Triad was introduced which renders God the father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, the one Principle in three forms. The Quran according to Islam refutes such a principle, '' He is not be begotten nor does He begets...Allah is One." Here again another major schism was being rendered to split the religions of the book setting one against another.
Most of what one reads in th Quran is identical to what one reads in the Bible if not the Torah and Zabur, so much so that the two religions of the descendants of Isaac , Judaism and and Christianity accusses the Quran as being a plagiarism of their ancestral history. Islam is the religion of the Arabs and the Prophet (pbuth) was a descendant of Isahmael, Abraham's elder son whose mother was a slave to Abraham. Isaac was born of Abrham's 'real' wife who remained barren until very late in her life when God granted Abrham's plea for a son to his first wife. Hence the question one ask, who would Abraham choose to kill when a choice he was forced to make? To find the truth one has to read! One has to meditate and contemplate and one has to ask for guidance from the One that has all the answers. Whatever answer that is the product og thoughts and speculations is of no significance, one can only accept in faith as to what the books tells us, for they are the words of God; just as the Quran is.
In Islam there is not compromise when it comes to the words of Allah(SWT) in the Quran, hence if the Quran expounds the fact that the prophet Isa Alaii salam did not die on the Cross then he did not die on the Cross not matter historical fat is presented and no matter many traditions belief it so.
Today as these two religions are at a crossroad threatening to further become a conflict in this country, I feel it is my part to make it clear as to how much or how little i understand of the matter.
It is in my limited understanding that the Arabic word 'Allah' means 'The God. Not just any god of antiquity as was present in the times of the Prophet, pagan gods and idols as worshipped by the Desert People but 'The' God of Abraham, the One. Al-Lah. It is also my understanding that the word 'Tuhan' is commonly used generic for Gods of other faiths; it is not and Arabic word rightfully a Malay word. Simmilalrly the word God I doubt existed when jesus was spreading his religion or anytime during the time of Moses or Abraham, it is I f I am not mistaken a word originated from a European root...Goth.  Aramaic was the language of Jesus hence Christianity, Yaweh, Elohim and Jehovah are the words used to address the Lord among many others in the Hebrew/ Christian traditions... but never the word, God. It is ironic that if seen in reflection the word God becomes the word Dog...hardly a word one might want to equate with the word Allah, at least not to the Muslims way of looking at it.
Thus who is right and who is wrong? Is it a matter of right or wrong? Or is it a matter of making and all out effort to come to a Right Understanding of these issues and make the decisions after all has been thoroughly investigated and reconciled; this to me is what our Lord would demand that we do, to bring His religion together in Unity; the 'Merging of All Differences in Unity."

"I respectfully urge you who study the mystery,

光陰莫虚度 do not pass your days and nights in vain."
                                                                            SANDOKAI. - The Merging of Differences in Unity."





       

A trip Around Penang Island with Marissa

My inner Sanctum.
My daughter and i took a drive around the Island yesterday, just to get out of the house and soak in the sunshine, We made a few stops first at the Horse's stable belonging to my friend Muthalif located in the vincinity of the Youth Park here. my daughter made a new friend, an Arabian Stallion by the name of 'Finis'. It was a beautiful process of getting to know one another as i watched my daughter much afraid of the horse and the horse checking her out by sniffing her fingers in the beginning and twenty minutes latter I am trying to drag my daughter away from hugging and kissing the animal.
Our next stop was at the Spice Garden in Batu Beringgi across the street from the sea. It was a good walk through with all kinds of tropical plants and gigantic trees, waterfalls and running brooks that made up the sound of the surrounding. As we alked closer back to the entrance area we could hear the waves rolling on tothe shore giving it a rythm to our senses like the in and out of our breath, the Universal Breath. It was good to be in the prisitne forest like environment and the walk helpedd to bring us closer to our centeredness in nature. The Spice garden would make for a great retreat if you wish to run a meditation workshop.
Further on down the road we stopped by Teluk Bahang and made some enquiries about the nature trails available there but due to time limitations we did not make any trips. I talked to an elderly malay man who was whittling away on a piece of wood to make a knife handle. He told me it was from a kind of local wood called 'Kayu Manis' which is a hard wood and perfect for what he was making. next we stopped at the Teluk Bahang Dam and took some pictures. From there we drove the nex few miles towards Balik Pulau and it was a nice drive as there was hardly any vehicle was on the windy road. My duaghter told me how blessed she felt livng on the island that has so much vegetatin that made it seemed cool in most parts. But the island is trnsforming and in ost case it is not for the better as more and more buildings keep taking up whatever space available to be develoed. Blame it on ecnomics as development in any form spells income for the developpers. Not that we need anymore lodgings but we have to cater to those who can afford and are willing to pay for a piece of the Island calling it their second and third homes; most are foreigners from Singapore and Taiwan, Hong Kong and some European countries. It is a very sad situation for those born and raised here and not having a place of their own with most forced to migrate away to the mainland. The island is being sold a piece a a time and while some laugh their way to the banks others suffer.
Most foreighners I nkow of here have even become more arrogant and possesive than the locals themselves making it their right to spread money and demand respect by hook or by crook Employing locals whose connections and knowledge holds sawy in the community these new breed of 'Robber Barons,' are displacing lives and disrupting the integration of local communities by divisivenss. For so long as there is a rift in society between the different racial groups there is a weakness to be exploited at all levels. Here particularly in Georgetown it is the Chinese who hold sway selling out whatever is saleable, land, homes, businesses, you name it. Today there is emerging a different kind of colonialism, it is called occupation by investment. Money talks and bullshit walks! If you are smart and savay with the politics of the day you may find a niche to make yourself a fortune and live to brag about your successes to your grandchildren; how you sold out what was not rightfully yours to begin with. How you help to create paradise for those who are bored stiff with their own homes back where they came from and how you sold your souls a the expense of those who really and trully were the indegienous of this Island State.
Like a silent Tsunami, ther is very little the poor and displaced Penangites can do about it but just struggle on to survive day in day out hoping to die before it gets too tought too live. Those who have made it and are enjoying their well earned retirement have little to say or simply play ignorance as they dwell happily in their well earned comfort zone waiting for theri departure, but for those whose livlihood is greatly affected by these so called rapid development, it seems their days are numbered. Like the Malay community of fishermen living off the Jelutung Highway, they continue to keep on building out into the sea, living like pariahs in their own state. For months now there is no water supply to these off shore impermanent strutures where those livng here has to haul from nearby residential areas. It is the fate of the Malays to live in the shadow of the other races here and will come a time when they will become if not already, gardeners and drivers to their Chinese Bosses who in turn are drivers and gardeners to the rich foreigners. Ther is not sense of pride anymore especially among those who had all the good intentions of making this Island a home for all its citizens before anyone else, there is only taking care of the business of making money any which way they can. Like a slowly rotting apple this Island of my borth will end up beng a Tourist Paradise but a hell to live in for my fellow Penangites.
I hope and pray that all those who have taken advantage through their wealth to occupy a piece of this island property to reflect upon at what cost to the locals. I would welcome you here but I would rather you not claim what is is not yours by simply being able to dish out your wealth and take what you can; it is like visitng a beautiful garden and wanting to own it too. Please consider what the remifications of your insatiable demands have on the people of this state; there is little or no trickling of wealth as you might think! Yes, the rich get filthier and richer and the poor well...fuckem! If you are men and women of integrity and compassion I say wake up and tell yourself enough in enough, do not get swindled by those who make the promises for your entertainment gauranteed while they find ways and means to fulfill your desires at other's expense. If you come here to do businees be sure to spread the wealth you make and not join the greedy train of making more than you need and going home to your own friends and families to brag about how well you did or how easily the locals were taken for a ride. What goes around will come around as promised.
I am not anti-development but i abhor waste and displacement of the lives of those who have no means to fight for their rights. I feel colonialism is very much alive here and it is ironcally true that this has been recognized as a World Heritage City (Georgetown) but when you there is three times more vehicles than residents there is something definitely wrong no matter how one looks at it. When old colonial era buildings are being renovated and whitwashed, they reminds me of mausoleums reminding me of the colonial power that had syphone this countries' wealth in history. it is not the locals who benefit not evn the common laborer as most of these construction jobs are done by foreigners from poorer countries at a much lower rate of income. The local man has been sidelined while the wealth pours into the hands of the few who are out to make hay while the sun is till shining.
And you wonder why crime and violence is on the rise and why corruption is here to stay, when wealth and welfare of the society is being pandered to the highest bidder.
Our drive around the Island took my daughter and I to my niece's house n Balik Pulau where we hung out with my grand nieces. The house relatively new is buitl out into the ricefield and the single dirt road that connects it to the main road is being threatend to be engulfed by the jungle. Such Is, I rest my case.       

Rambling into the Past to Understand the Now.



 Welcome to the Landscape of my soul.
Far deep within the heart of hearts sits the Hall of the Devine Light, deeper within is the Devine Spark,  the Source, the Zat, the Essence, that which is the Core of your energy, your wisdom, your humanity, it belongs to the One of all sources, the Lord of Creation; call Him by what name you may, but accept that It is only the One. This I realized this morning after having filled up my gas and adding air to one of my Kancil tyres which is threatening to give up on me. Driving here was in itself an adventure as always but i breathed in and out like i always do and stuck to my most familiar track just to get where i am going with no theatrics involved. My daughter is lying in bed no feeling very well, more like love sick if you ask me, refuses to go to the clinic,not that i blame her as getting there in itself can make you sick. It is what the doctor ordered for her if she notices it, lay back take it easy and be lazy, you have earned it, you need the rest after your last semester. Be at home, be with your dad and your brother, do as thou will.
We are all made up primarily of the four elements of Earth, Wind Water and Fire, any child can tell you that today, this is our physical form and the scientist will take you all the way to the sub -particle energy level to prove that we are all made of the same substance and is all held together by the laws of gravity, not knowing this fact will not qualify you to be among your fellow man who have taken the trouble to. The most basic understanding of our human origin is the first Law of humanity...Know Thyself! This is the fifth element that is the CEO of our individual enterprise; the human form.
With the Right Understanding of who you truly are will stop man from taking life for granted that have led to making the price of a man one bullet each. It does not really matter anymore under what flag or banner we hide, nor does it matter if we can obliterate a village by sending a drone alone, mankind is doom to ignorance unless we become enlightened and spread the light of wisdom throughout no matter how insignificant or minuscule it may be, a positive energy sent out via Devinne wisdom is like and atom sent randomly into outer space to collide with worlds; this is our Consciousness. We have this energy within us we are all a part of the Whole source of this energy; this energy is anti -gravity, anti -matter. It attracts all thoughts and forms to itself creating around it the human form of you and me.
Today no source of knowledge is more potent than the National Geographic and the Discovery Channels,  from the villagers in the Ulu Terengganu areas to the Wall street savants, every man women and child learns through watching these channels, this, the source of our Collective Knowledge No politics, no hidden agendas, no desire to influence or dominate, subjugate or infiltrate, just pure knowledge a documentation of humanity and the relationship we have with the planet.
We have to make all effort towards not serving the symbols but to practice what they secret they try to impart to us. These symbols and Logos are just a part of the tool not the machine itself. Transcending symbols and ideas, forms and mind created belief systems with skillfulness and right understanding is the second Law of Humanity. " If you see the Buddha on the road, Kill Him!" Without attachment to any forms or symbols, any thoughts or philosophy, the mind is clear to become another conduit for the inseminating of knowledge, sharing ideas, sharing intuitions, sharing satori, sharing that space which becomes available when the mind is quiet and as my good friend David Lueck of the San Francisco Zen Center used to say, "Make available that small space within your heart for somelse to seek shelter in; this is Compassion."
The Lord said to Abraham, "Kill me a son!"
Abe said "No"
God said "What?!! Then when you see Me coming you better run!"
Some people say Abraham attempted to slit his first born son Ismael's throat, but some claim he did it to Jacob; I am not sure who Abraham decided to kill then, his son with a slave or his son with his Jewish wife who was barren most of life and had Jacob after Ismael was born; please correct my Biblical understanding  in this story of the 'Sacrifice". Which version of the Three Holy scriptures of the Judeo Christian and Islamic Holy Books do we refer to in this matter? Bear in mind that the tribes of Ismael later become the Arabs and Muslims and that of Isac became the Judeo -Christian tribes. But for the twist of a story religion has become split up and what is worse they end up tearing at each other's throat all in the name of their One true God!
Some say that Jesus died being crucified but the others say No, the Lord save Jesus from being crucified on the cross. The rest are details which anyone interest should look up the Internet. The Koran Vs the Bible on the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ. Don't take any one's words for it but do your own reading and come to you own personal conclusion on what you fell is the truth; there is no truth, there is only that which Is.
In Myanmar and in Southern Thailand on the Malaysian border, the Buddhists and the Muslims are raising the death tolls amongst themselves. Sadly enough the issues are never anything to do with the religions but religions become the issue; it is them against us! Either them or us! It is not a matter of greed anymore nor is it because of Hate, this is Pure Ignorance. This is the network of consciousness, our strong interconnectedness, our collective relationship, our interdependent upon one another for our needs as we live out our personal lifespans. How can we be happy at the expense of one soul left crying out in sorrow and pain in this Universe? How can one even begin to think in this manner if one's life is as valuable as a piece of bullet? How can those who wield the weapons be compassionate in nature when ignorant of the First Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Kill! When you walk, the Buddha said, cast your glances down before you, you might step on and ant crossing your path and cause yourself another lifetime as an ant; new Karmic consequence. The First law Manu, The first Law of Moses and the Ten Commandments...God's first utters to mankind through His physical form. (Sound). This was Yahweh or Jehovah that had laid down these laws and engraved into the stone, this was the voice of Allah as He inducted Moses into the Realm of the Prophets, an ultimate initiation of Man transforming him into the Devine consciousness. Moses came down from Mount Sainai  transformed, physically, mentally and spiritually to the highest degree of any human transformation, he became the Alpha!
Moses as a man was no ordinary man, like the Buddha, he too was raised among the Royal family of the Pharoahs in Egypt, he was instrumental in running the country and a Master Builder and Architect of Ancient Egypt. Moses's bloodline was a descendant of Isaac and this line evolves to become what we have today; Jews and Muslims blowing up each other's homes and families disrupting all the faith that we have in the First Commandment of the Lord's; Thou Shalt Not Kill! Moses was transformed but humanity remained ignorant, the Buddha taught by allegories to tell us why we must not kill simply to emphasize the ramifications of Karmic consequences...do unto others and you can count of the pay back...the law of cause and effect. How do we step out of this being subject to these laws? How do we stop playing the game? How do we not get sucked into the reality of the game, how do we not become ignorant and blind in this life and expect to be lifted to be among the angels in heaven in our after life?  Faith, is that which means simply acceptance, surrendering, not struggling against anymore but flowing along with the Whole, the All...The One. When we have been able to cease from being attached to identifying with the forms, the symbols, we are still dancing in this realm of Maya, filled with illusions, ignorance and sufferings.

Avadhuta Gita
Translated by Hari Prasad Shastri
E-Text Source: Advaita Vedanta Library
Chapter I
1. By the grace of God the Brahmins above all men are inspired with the disposition to non-duality (unity of the Self with God), which relieves them of the great fear.
2. How can I salute the Self, which is indestructible, which is all Bliss, which in Itself and by Itself pervades everything, and which is inseparable from Itself?
3. I alone am, ever free from all taint. The world exists like a mirage within me. To whom shall I bow?
4. Verily the one Self is all, free from differentiation and non-differentiation. Neither can it be said, "It is" nor "It is not." What a great mystery.
5. This is the whole substance of Vedanta; this is the essence of all knowledge, theoretical and intuitional. I am the Atman, by nature impersonal and all-pervasive.
6. That God who is the Self in all, impersonal and changeless, like unto space, by nature purity itself,verily, verily, that I am.
7. I am pure knowledge, imperishable, infinite. I know neither joy nor pain; whom can they touch?
8. The actions of the mind, good and evil, the actions of the body, good and evil, the actions of the voice, good and evil, exist not in me (Atman). I am the nectar which is knowledge absolute; beyond the range of the senses I am.
9. The mind is as space, embracing all. I am beyond mind. In Reality the mind has no independent existence.
10. How can it be said that the Self is manifest? How can it be said that the self is limited? I alone am existence; all this objective world am I. More subtle than space itself am I."

How can there be two? and When I am no more...




  

Meeting great Minds ,

Meeting Great Minds - Posted 8/10/2013

                                                   I was a little monkey wondering what was going on, where my life would lead me, and how it would be after all is said and done..
My introduction to the Sufi tradition through my Teacher and Friend, the late Cik Gu Yusif Ali, was an eye-opener and a cornerstone in my life in the spiritual sense. Our long conversations into the early morning hours by the Food Court on Perak Road facing the City Stadium led me into the deeper realms of the religion of Islam. I was allowed to raise my doubts and share my inner feelings towards thoughts and ideas about beliefs and faith without being frowned upon, eyebrows raised, and I found some answers that were acceptable to my limited mind. Cik Gu's daughter, Ayu or Nani Rohayu, works for Bernama, is a reporter living in New York at the present moment. Through her strong and endeavoring personality,y she can run her own Malaysian Restaurant in Queens, New York called Mamak's Place. From the Facebook articles she has been uploading it looks like she is doing very well for herself. She has Cikgu Yusof's passion in life.
I was introduced to the great works of Muslim Sufi Saints, like the great Sheikh Kadir Al Jilani, whose Sufi experiences were recorded and have become one of the most studied works in the Muslim world; I made him my spiritual guide. His thoughts, his practices, and his Way became my focal point at the time and one of his greatest works is called The Secret of Secrets. From these thoughts, i became acquainted with the understanding of who I am or more precisely, where i have arrived in my spiritual journey. I became a practicng Muslim day and night, sitting in deep meditation with Zikhrullah or the invocation of the 99 Beautiful Names of Allah (attributes). I had many deep reflections upon my relationship to Allah and I received knowledge from many different sources that I had not realized were out there, written by great minds like the Turkish teacher Ahmad Hulusi, whose thoughts and ideas take Islam into a whole new realm of understanding at least for me. Hulusi uses the term Muhammad's Allah, not just any Allah as understood by the Muslim masses around the world, but specifically Muhammad's Allah; I like the idea.
It is all to be found on the Internet if one is so inclined to reach out and expand the knowledge of one's spiritual self about the Whole...the All... the One. The search for a Universal Consciousness begins right where I am, and this is the moment that this Collective Spirit is manifesting itself through my individual mind via my fingertips tapping onto the keyboard; Consciousness expanding collectively. I stop apologizing for the way I am making these bombastic statements like I know everything, but at the present moment in time, I am merely reflecting on what transpires through my mind and the wish to share it with my readers. Anything and everything I can mention on the subject has been and will continue on to be told in one form or another, but it is my intention to share my personal journey as I journey towards the 'Lord of Power' as Ibni Arabi or Averroes the Andalusian once wrote. The journey takes a lifetime and layers of veils to be removed before one approaches the citadel of the Lord or the Arsh of Allah. My effort is the process of shedding my mind-generated knowledge through the undertansding of my state or position or station in life, how near or how far I am from my journey's end. In the process thus far, too have gone through many forms of metamorphosis, physically, mentally, emotionally and last but not least, spiritually; I have evolved.
I have learned to get less sidetracked by 'roadside attractions' and getting shoved off the path by the unpredictability of life. Rich poor, starving or gluttoned out, I am learning to not take it too personally with the aid of the matra: and this too will pass...or by the reminder of J.Krishnamurti's secret to life...I do not mind what happens. It is not as simple as it sounds, but bit by bit, little by little, and breath by breath, I have learned to assimilate these teachings into my daily practice in life. But as I still am riding the Sunryu Suzuki Roshi's Zen train, I am still searching for 'that buffalo'. I ams still working on the question posted by my Rinzai Zen Roshi, Dennis or Junpo Kelly at the Kanzeon ZenYoga center in Corte Madeira, California; What is the Imperturbable Mind!! JUnpo Kelly is the Abbot of the Hollow Bones Zen Center in the United States, a Zen community he founded. (Look him up, what a character!)

Health Update on Junpo
Monday, July 15, 2013

Dear Sangha,
On Friday, July 12th, Roshi had a small stent placed in one of his coronary arteries due to a 75% blockage. The artery is the LAD and is one of the major blood suppliers to the heart muscle. This artery, unfortunately, is also known as “The Widow Maker.” He is doing wonderfully now, and although a bit fatigued, feels great.
From the Mondo Zen

I have written about my brief encounter with Dennis Kelly somewhere earlier in the Blogging, and if one is interested in knowing more of the man, just Google Hollow Bones Zen. Dennis opened the world of Zen Buddhism to me by setting in motion events that had significant impacts in my life while living in the San Francisco and Mairn County area of California sometime in 1983. It was his choice of opening a Zendo on the West Coast insatead of the Eastcoast that ook me to California and my whole life was changed I took a leap off the lilly pad into the pond of Zen Buddhism; and I dove to the bottom where it took me to the mountains of the Big Sur, Monterey, California where i did several Sesshins or seven days sitting meditation at the Zen Mountain Center later on. Circustances and events in my life have buffetted me from one phase onto the next in my journey most of which I had no control over, nor were they preplanned.
My life spent at the San Francisco Zen Center, specifically at the Green Dragon, or Green Gulch Farm Zen Community, was another critical turning point on my journey of self-discovery. Here I met some of the greatest minds, each and every one on their own journeys of healing their own splintered souls. Poets, writers, healers, lawyers,s and doctors,s among them those who heeded the call for a retreat from the Rat Race life back then. I feasted upon all the available texts and Buddhist scriptures made available at the Center and sat and discussed before great men like the Reverend Thich Naht Hahn, the small Vietnamese Monk who did the 'Freedom March in Washingto, DC, alongside Dc. Martin Luther King. Tay as he was fondly called, elected me his 'Bell master' during his lectures as punishment for my disruptive tendencies like ringing the Big Boncho bell during a Vipassan meditation retreat that was in progress inside the Zendo or Meditaiton Hall.
 One of my practice instructors was Edward Espe Brown the Tassajjara Cook Book author and Greens Restaurant Chef in San Francisco. Ed taught a fe of us the song Ruddy Toot Toot to the Moon, which I used in my Blogging profile. He did this one evening while we were walking towards the Pelican Inn located at Muir Beach for a few drinks. We were jumping the fence as the Zen school would call it and it usually happens after a Seshin. Ed Brown settled my preconception of being a Muslim and bowing to a wooden idol on the Zendo Altar. During  one of our Mondo Talks or the student teacher one on one hash it out  sessions, he said to me, " It is all illusions, if you think you are bowing to something then you are, if not then there nothing you are bowing to, but to join a club you have to abide by the rules and rituals; the price you pay for knowledge."
Another great mind I encountered while at the Zen Center was the late Abbot of the Minnesotta Zen Center, the late Dainin Katagiri Roshi.
Jikai Dainin Katagiri, aka Hojo-san Katagiri, was a Sōtō Zen roshi and the founding abbot of Minnesota Zen Meditation Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota, where he served from 1972 until his death from cancer in 1990. I had many sittings with the Roshi, and on one of our face-to-face meetings, he told me, " You must always remember your original intention, why are you here? And just continue as you are."
I am writing and will continue on writing because I feel blessed to have met and sat with these great men and many more along the road and what they had imparted to me in the forms of advice and lessons, in the forms of chastisements and rebukes, I will always cherish as markers, cornerstones and duide posts on the map of my journey in this life; they too brought me here. I am indebted to these people and events in my life for sharing what is worth sharing from the expereinces, and in doing so, it helps me to continue on researching my life and sieve through the layers of changes that I have gone through to get to where I am on this spiritual journey. It is my hope that if by chance i can inspire one or two of my children through this dicourse, I have done my share towards the propagation of knowledge in this age of information in its spiritual form; one man's experiment with faith and religions.

   

The Lost Symbol - Dan Brown



There is a vast difference between looking and seeing.
 As i approach the final chapters of Dan Brown's "The Lost Symbol" I feel like i have taken through my own mind trips over the years with all the readings and discoveries that i have stumbled upon and deduced what they had meant and how they fit in and why they are out there calling out to me to make the effort to learn and understand the mysteries that is a part of my own personal journey into the realm less traveled. my exposure towards the Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Christianity and the various other religious routes some how has been spelled out for me in this novel, I am reading the novel for the second time as the first time I read it somehow I could not finish it for some odd reason, maybe I misplaced it somewhere and i cannot remember how long ago this was. Now having read it for the second time I am glad that this had happened as for some odd reason what I read now is so utterly clear to me all the connections that it makes for me like I am being led through a spiritual path of my own scattered pieces of jigsaw puzzle.
The MASONIC tEMPLE, (another fingering accident on the capitals), is not something new for me as I drove by, took my kids in the stroller and often sat at its steps often enough when I was living two blocks from the Golden Gate park in San Francisco. If I am not mistaken it sits somewhere on Persidio Drive in the park area and it is called the Masonic Rosicrucian Temple. I had always been attracted to it for some odd reason and made allot of effort to read on the subject over the years like it had some thing to tell me in connection to my self discovery journey. I have met a few gentlemen of distinction who wore the Masonic ring on their finger and one of them who I had the opportunity to work for was my former boss at H&H Ship Services on the San Francisco Waterfront which I believe today is no more there, The late. William Harris Senior was president of the San Francisco Yacth Club for sixteen years, just to tell who he was and in his office he had a picture of himself shaking former President Ronald Reagan's hand. Those who had known 'Big Foot' as we affectionately called him behind his back would testify of his powerful presence.My first encounter with Bill senior was when I was at his office to see his son 'Little foot' as we everyone called him about cleaning his yard in Piedmont, Auckland across the Bay. I might have l might have related this incident in my earlier entries of my Bog relating how i got my job at H&H Ship Service located at 20 China basin off Third Street in Downtown SF. He impressed me as a huge man with a thick cigar in his mouth and a half filled glass of whiskey sitting on his desk while he sat opening letters with a knife letter opener in his hand. It was seven in the morning the time I was told to meet his son at his office in the same building. He paid no attention to me like I was not even there and asked my purpose without looking up from what he was doing. I stood looking down his huge red neck from behind answering like a kid in the presence of a Headmaster, this was when I noticed the big ring on his finger that had some weird designs on it. I had no idea what i was looking at at the time but later on after working with the company for a few years I realized it was a Masonic ring.
I did not understand why I was drawn towards this Brotherhood of Free Masons but I found it fascinating after doing some reading on it over the years and seeing the Masonic temples wherever i traveled in the US. One can find Mason Avenue or street names all over the country and every time I passed by a Masonis temple or Lodge it would trigger my curiosity like a magnet. Then the Dan Brown novels started hitting the literary scene and later movie theaters and this further got me hooked.
I had mentioned of my experience of travelling throughout the South West of the United States through Colorado, New Mexico and Arizona and in one instance while staying with an elderly artist in his studio building in Central City, Colorado I was loaned to read a ' Book of Secrets' of which I was informed only 87 copies were printed and in it I found all the religious symbols of the ancient western world with ornately printed pictures and detailed descriptions of what they were. This was sometime in 1979 and it was from this large black hard cover book that I learned of the Hermetic Movement, the different Greek schools of thoughts like who were the Eclectics of which I had initially wanted to find out. The reason I had asked my elderly artist host about the Eclectics was because i had been called an eclectic in a dream I had while sleeping in my little alcove room on the first night I was in Central City.I had woken up from the dream and wrote the word down as Eklektik because i was not sure of the spelling and was still half asleep.In the dream someone was shouting at me," you are an eclectic!" and it was so loud and real that it woke me up. The next morning when I asked Angelo De Bennedetti what it meant and showed him what I wrote, he corrected my spelling and later that same day took me to a couple living a few miles down the mountain from Central City to a small town of Black Hawk where a couple lwho were potters had lived and it was they who had the book and loaned it for me to ready while I was staying with Angelo. That same evening with the couple, Angelo and I drove to Denver where they showed me Angelo's works painted on the ceiling of the Denver Hall of Justice where 62? figures of 'Law Givers lined the tall ceilling each larger than life and included were figures like Homer and Aristotle, Ghandi and and Madam Sun Yat Sen to J.F. Kennedy: it might still be there. That same evening they took me to a movie ' Pride and passion' if I am not mistaken of the life of  Vincent VanGogh played by Kirk Douglas in black and white.

Angelo DiBenedetto – Artist extraordinaire

He was temperamental, once knocking Jack Kerouac down because the author insulted an opera singer. Angelo DiBenedetto was gifted, outspoken and opinionated, and always listed as one of America’s foremost artists in the 20th century. When he lived in the interior of Haiti for 19 months, he was initiated into the voodoo cult. His chosen home, far from the collectors and galleries and museums that bought his creations, was a tiny Victorian town with one gravel road reaching it.

This son of Italian immigrants was published in Life Magazine to critical acclaim in his 20s, but his second painting for Life was banned in three counties in Massachusetts. Born in New Jersey in 1913, Angelo earned an art degree with honors from the Cooper Union Art School and a scholarship to Boston Museum School of Fine Arts.
In 1976, the Colorado Judicial Department held a contest to choose an artist to paint a huge mural for the ceiling of the breezeway of the new Colorado Judicial Building. From the 22 finalists, they chose Angelo. He had studied mural painting at Harvard University and later in Mexico with Diego Rivera and had painted many murals in the two countries. But this was the largest mural in America at 300 feet long and 10 feet high, a whopping 3,000 square feet. The 74 panels created for the mural each weighed 100 pounds and were made of cement asbestos, an inert material that wouldn’t attack the paint. (The asbestos probably contributed, along with his lifelong smoking habit, to his death from cancer in 1992.)

He hired six other artists as assistants and two years later, the murals were dedicated on Oct. 12, 1978. Sixty historical figures, representing justice and human rights through all ages, were chosen by Angelo; they included both genders and all races and cultures.

Other honors accorded Angelo:

Shows at the National Gallery of Art, the Corcoran Biennial Exhibit in Washington, D.C., the Carnegie Institute in Pittsburgh, Pa., the Whitney Museum in New York, the Chicago Art Institute and the Pennsylvania Academy of Fine Arts.
• Exhibits in more than 100 museums in the U.S. and Europe.• More than 20 one-man gallery shows.
• Inclusion in every list of “foremost American artists” in the last half of the 20th century. Artists declared “He must be included in any list of those who set the direction of art in the mid-20th century in America.”
• Guest lecturer at the University of Colorado at Denver, the University of Denver and Colorado College.
• Two honorary degrees bestowed by the University of Colorado.
Circles dominated DiBenedetto’s late art, including this simplistic piece, Orange on Orange #4
Always an agitator for individual rights, Angelo was the leader in promoting royalties for artists when their works sold again at inflated prices. He was the first, in 1946, to include a contract with his sales that specified royalties in the event of resale or reproduction.
But this “foremost American artist” chose to live in a remote town, far from the center of the art world in the northeast U.S. Always intensely patriotic, Angelo had volunteered for World War II. The Army tapped his training as a cartographer and sent him first to Ethiopia on a secret assignment and eventually to Buckley Field in Denver. The course of his life changed when he first saw Central City.
Angelo said Central City “looked like an empty little Swiss town.” He promptly fell in love with the town, which at that time had one gravel road to it, and moved there in 1946 with his then-wife and small daughter. The huge, run-down Sauer-McShane warehouse on Spring Street intrigued him. The three-story stone warehouse, built in 1886, contained 10,000 square feet of space. He purchased it with his discharge pay and spent six years shoveling out the mud and boulders that had rolled in from the hillside. He leased out the first floor and lived on the upper two floors, reveling in the high ceilings and huge open space. His studio/living area was so cavernous that once he created a retrospective of his art more than 30 years for an NBC television special inside his house. One of his proudest creations was his kitchen table, made from a large packing box. Visitors were encouraged to carve their autographs on the table and scores of famous visitors, such as Gypsy Rose Lee, Helen Hayes and Mae West did
Article by Linda Jones
I spent a week with this extraordinary man and through him I found my calling  as an Ecclectic artist and I did not realize back then that I was living in the shadow of a great American artist of his time! We talked every morning at the breakfast table and during lunch and dinners. He had a huge pot of chicken soup cooked for us to last a week and for breakfast it was the same cereal from a huge gunny sack accompanied by black coffee and a single banana; things one cannot forget. I remember one morning telling him how the small painted statue of the Goddess Kuan Yin sitting on a shelve in his kitchen seemed to glow when I looked at it and he smiled saying nothing. He had two dogs one huge golden retriever named Rufus.Today as i looked back upon the journey that took me three months all over the South West the memory of Angelo came to me like an old encounter which had opened the door towards my spiritual journey as an artist.







      



Waiting for my turn.

Now, no one is saying that we should not be human; that we should not allow ourselves to feel pain, to mourn, or even to admit when something is hard. However, the kabbalists are very clear: if our sadness, pain, or difficulty causes us to doubt the Lightforce of the Creator – it is also causing us a patch of darkness somewhere down the line. That’s the ultimate lesson and gift of this week’s portion – to maintain certainty in the face of pain. If we can hold on to that certainty, we merit a connection to immortality, which means an end to finality of any kind.
                                                                http-www.kybalion.org
Drove this Saturday morning towards the University but made a ppit stop by the Jelutong Highway to catch up with my 'pondok buddies' (fishermen and addicts). Learned that one kid had over 40 stitches on his back and four inch cut down his cheek from a bar fight. Listened to one of the boys tell about how he went about life trying to do good but ending up bad and listend to another who talked of addiction to ciggarettes, he had seen one of his friends picking up a cast away stub just to get a puff  to satisfy his craving and how in the prison they went through the garbage cans to look for cigarette butts; pathetic as it may seem cigarette addiction can be conishered one of the worse and the hardest to get rid off. So I sat and listened while in between reading Dan Brown's Hidden Symbols.
I was at a friends stable yesterday evening doing some sketching of horses and ended doing the whole scenery of the ranch itself that is located up a small hill slope by the Youth Park on the way to the Botanical Gardens. My friend was not there as he is presently in Terenggnau with four of his horses doing the Endurance Race and I wondered if he would meet my Blogging friend Dr. Nik Hawk the surgeon from Selangor. While sketching I had an interesting conversation with a man who had been to India for the 'Tabligh' or religious practice as in a retreat for the Muslims. He dresses like a Taliban off course all in white complete with the goatie and the long hair. He was once also a a fire eater and performed had performed his pyrotechnique skills in many well known resorts in Langakwi. I found that i was able to concentrate better working on my sketching while my mind was entertained by this conversation especially learning all about his trip to India and the Maldives. What it was like for a Muslim to practice while in a Hindu country and what was life like on the streets and he gave me a brief reminder of not forgetting who I am in relation to my Lord; the greatest Sin is still Shirik(sp?) or having a companion to God in faith. I felt the red lights lighting up im my mind as I relfect my own standing in the eyes of the Maker. I have  whole lot to answer for if and when the time comes for my day of reckoning.
Astagfirullah! For the Mercy of Allah. I will cross that ridge when the time comes but for now I will keep on forging ahead with whatever arises before me and take it one breath at a time. I am the world and the world is me, i cannot hide from it no matter in what shape or form it present itself I will have to be present in the moment to accept it and take the next breath.

My late Wife's Legacy for me.

                                                  Another face in the crowd.
Visited a private clinic and the doctor about my age told me that my blood pressure is quite normal for my age and that my headaches is probably due to my eyesight or perhaps due ti sleep disorder of one kind or another. He gave a buch of pills and a bottle of what tasted like your anti acid formula for gastritis. My son in Dubai called to insist that I see a doctor for a checkup and so I did but I know this is just not enough as I need to have a complete checkup and a complete checkup through  good hospital cost more than Rm 2000 I was told and the general hospital takes a long waiting time for time for the results. So I told him that I will see what the medication I have will do for the next few weeks and I will have more done as time goes by.
How does one survive the existing systems without getting derailed by it and commit suicide, as it seems the answer to most of these external pressures is to physically exit this life. Forget about being creative and all that idealistic dream of serving society, how can one serve society when one cannot even serve one's own needs and responsibilities. I have been dedicating my life towards doing good and serving my society, this country in my own way thinking that it return I would be awarded with a more favourable deals by the power that be. However the power that be is as uncaring and callous as the computer that I am working on...totally impersonal and it is only when shit hits the fence like going berserk with a gun in my hand that these so called public servants would open their eyes asking what went wrong. What would prompt a man to commit such crimes, why did he loose his mind, why was he so despaired at life when all is nor so bad for him? Yes, ask anyone who has been dealing with government bureaucracy such as the Immigration, the Registration Department and the Income Tax agencies what they think of these so called people friendly offices; the answer would probably be the same...Wallah u Alam, God knows.
Am I being melodramatic? Perhaps, but the fact that I have to now start making enquiries form the offices in Kuala Terenggany with regard to why I should pay RM5000 income tax for my late wife and it triggers the old 'pain body of having to deal for eleven years with the Immigration Department for my children's citizenship papers. Most of this were written somewhere in my earlier blogging and it was a long and painful costly experience to say the least. But I did it eventually and managed to get my children to become Malaysian citizens without having to bribe anyone for it.
Being a full time artist there is no fixed income as every now and then one gets lucky and finds a buyer for one's works, otherwise it has been beg, borrow or steal to survive. Where is my pride in living as one who is supposed to be gifted as an artist. When asked how can I turn around and say my life is fine and that it could not get any better? But I do and in essence I am living a lie to myself, I am nothing but a pariah who lives like a parasite off other's support and clemency. Perhaps this is why the Buddha had insisted that i give it all up and seek refuge in the forest or the mountains and become totally detached from this life of dog eat dog society: at least for my own sanity. I, however have taken it to be a form of escapism if I were to say to hell with it all and walk into the wilderness and not that I have never done it before. But society is not just the government inept bureaucracy but it includes my children, relatives and friends and what do I tell them? Why did I gave up? Me who is gifted with a creative ability that not too many has; in being an artist? Most talented individuals i have come to meet has turned to drugs and drinks, just like my grandfather and my father, they too were very talented people but their lives were miserable when I look at it and they died poor and in destitute being subjected to frown and reticule by their own children. My father told me of his aches and pains as he grew old living in Terengganu knowing that he was being judged for his ways; namely he was a drunk amidst a strictly Muslim society. I felt for him as I saw myself headed towards the same direction. Such Is, Such Is!
If one is a Bodhisatva in this life, the next time one decides to come back and help more towards achieving awakening, one better be more prepared if not resilient. never come back as an artist! Be sure you come back as a banker or a member of the royal family in Brunei. In this way one could perhaps serve society or humanity better than just rambling daily on the Internet. instead of knowledge and wisdom choose wealth and power, it makes more sense and perhaps gives one greater leverage to serve. All these off course happens due my own self deluded ignorance and none to blame but me. I have made the choices, i have chosen this course of my journey and I have experimented with life instead of simply living it like everyone else. I am that, I am. My mind will never cease to ramble as this is what it is all about for so long as i live, for so long as I breath in and out without being fully conscious of my breathing and one day my shortness of breath will cause me to death. End of story, close the book, and the fat lady stops singing; I am no more!
Oh well it is not all that bad, I am still here and my daughter is home for a short break, while my son in Dubai out of concern for his father had sent me some money for me to get a medical check up. I am grateful for this no doubt and more so because I have children who cares for the well being of their father and who could ask for more in the day and age when parents are more and more being sidelined and forgotten by their children. So in more than one way I should say Alhamdullilah! Thank you Lord for Your infinite Compassion, but for Your Grace things could be worse. So i am still looking at the silver linings behind every dark cloud that passes me by and still holding on to the fact that, 'and this too will pass', thank you Idris Shah for your Sufi insight on the impermanence of life. 

How do you Mend a Splintered Soul?



A Face in the Crowed

                                                    
 I know and accept the fact that I will have a very hard time stopping my thinking mind from going on and on about anything and everything that it comes into contact with, but i will have to stay with it and not let too much thinking overcome my effort in understanding who I am,(Almost sounds like a broken record by now). Yes I have to pull the hand brake and kill the engine park along the roadside and take a deep breath, a few deep breaths to align my myself with being in the here and now. I have to stop drifting away from my path towards self understanding as a means towards liberation. I am at present, as I mentioned to my daughter am not functioning at full capacity and am letting myself get sucked into other people's dramas and the events around me that I have no desire to or have any control over.
This incessant writing is testimony towards how crowded my mind has become of late and how hard I have been trying to divest myself from getting involved with events that does not concern me or my well being as I try to manage my own state of mind. It is manifesting physically in the form of an ailment, perhaps in the form of high blood pressure, or worse. How to remain in 'bare attention' in these moments of pain and anxieties, how to remain in touch with my breath, how to maintain a connection with my spirit, how to become aware and awaken. I write this to help me steer myself towards some remedy in the effort to find a cure for what ails me and this is one of the reasons I ramble. With every entry it is my way of keeping my mind in check, my body in alignment and my spirit not to kow tow before some illusory episode or event, or feel guilty over some remark or decision made in the past. If there is any issue that needs to be addressed it would just have to be economics, how to make some money before I become desperate.
The latest development in my financial woes is with the Income Tax office that has tracked me down to my Penang address demanding the I pay RM5000 for my late wife's back taxes from when she was a lecturer at KUZAR (Kolej Agama Sultan Zainal Abidin) in Kuala Terengganu. According to the the lady at the office when I went to the Penang income tax office by law i have to pay for it as I am the next of kin or waris. I asked why KUZAR had not deducted her income tax from her salary, the beautiful lady just gave me her beautiful kindly smile full of compassion and understanding and said 'Wallah u Alam", only God knows. Yes they deducted from her salary but they deducted very little not the whole amount she was required to pay. Yes blame it on God even when an institution that professes to uphold the Islamic virtues like Kuzar is not infallible and their screw ups is my burden to bear.
What am i suppose to do I asked the sweet lady who admits she has two children to lighten the conversation. Oh sir you just have to write a plea letter to the office in Kuala Terengganu, the files for your late wife is in Terengganu, unless off course if you have cash RM5000 to pay now, you can make the payment here now! Or you can pay in instalments. As for your income tax status  sir, you are clear, all paid up, zero. Wow i am glad to hear that, and I swear to god that I had over one thousand over paid income tax last I checked but...this is the IRS! Prince John and Robin Hood. Just one more pressure for the migraine to chew on. 
This is the story of just about everyone I know of and mine is no different, but i write about it and what good it does for me is evident by the fact that there are those who take the time to read about it. I share my predicaments, my ups and downs yes it is true, but in the process I also try in some small way to share the solutions as to how I try to deal with them as they arise. At this moment I am trying to return to the basic understanding of the teachings of the Masters, to let go and to remain detach from what I encounter. My son Karim has found his escape in shooting his way through a gunfight in a video game and he is lost to what is going on around him; sometimes I envy him. Cannot blame him as I went through the same phase at his age although not in video games although I remember there was a time when I was hooked on it too and my video demon was a game called 'Firefox'. I remember having the machine at Chucky Cheese Pizza place on West Mason Ave., Green Bay, Wisconsin fixed such that for half a dollar my son Nazri was able to play the game for almost three hours while I pigged out on the pizza; it was his birthday after all.
But such is. How do one keep focus on being in the moment and taking care of things as they arise without getting sucked into the details? The judgements, the discrimination's and the discord? How do one 'pick the lotus without wetting the fingers as the Buddha asked? How do we not get touched by our daily activities, how do we remain free from the mind generated world that we have come to call life. We simply cannot, to be able to break free from the bonds of one's own making is to recognize them as such, bonds of our own making. and through acceptance can this attachments to phenomenas be broken, cause that is what they simply are, phenomenas, episodes, happenings, like clouds in the sky they come and they go and the less we identify with them the less are we attached to them. With the practice of bare attention these events will not have too much hold on to our consciousness. With less taken in, very little needs to be let out, hence we are free to observe our minds as it is, not feeding it energy nor being fed with vexations and anxieties by it.   

What else is there to ramble about?

                                                       It is hard on the lower back!
Delivered my 100feet long painting entitled 'Penang Heart and Soul' to the Penang State Art Gallery office on Macalister Road as today is the final day for entry of works for the Penang State Art Competition, the first place winner will receive RM8000.
This a painting that I have been working on since I received the roll of 199feet of drawing paper from my friend and former Dean of the Faculty of Fine Arts at the University Sains Malaysia in Penang. He had brought it with him from England when he was a student there and had kept it in his office ever since till the day he was cleaning out his office to move to Kuala Lumpur where he took up office as the Director of the National Art Gallery.
I started working on this painting sometime in 2008 going to locations where i sat and sketched scenes that I felt most attractive to me in more than in looks but also places I had connections with in terms of familiarity through having grown up in the Georgetown area. The theme of choice is 'Ubah' or Change, which the present elected government is promoting in its move towards making significant changes in and around the city.

I have exposed this painting in three different solo exhibitions and each exhibit was done at the different stages of which the painting was in, the first was all black and white sketches, the next water color was added and finally acrylic was added. It is really still not a finished work as I still keep on adding more and more into it to make it come alive, but as it is my policy, my work is done when I receive a cheque for its purchase or it belongs to someone else. I intend to keep it and work on it as my on going meditational 'master piece' if it finds no interested buyer.
I have the feeling that i am suffering from high blood pressure as my head sometimes feels like it is about to explode and at time my whole shoulder areas seems to be on fire, numb with pain as if the bones within are subjected to frost bite. It is part of getting old and the little pressures that life has to offer does not help either. So i will grit my teeth and bear these physical inconveniences. The only problem is that these aches and pains interferes tremendously with my ability to create in peace. But Such Is, them are the breaks, win some loose some as I move along trying not to give up...and the show must go on. Perhaps i am attached too mcuh to is externally happening in my life and letting myself being subjected to falling down or maybe it is the weather, being cloudy all day and raining all night! I hope and pray i can get back on track of my practice.
After dropping off my work for the competition I took my daughter who accompanied me to the "Jimat' store, the Salvation Army Outlet, where one can get second hand items for practically nothing and where my daughter will spend an hour or so rummaging for good deals and where I found the book "Power Shift" by Alvin Toffler for the price of RM2. Years ago i had read his two earlier works, the "Future Shock" which was read as a college text and later in Japan I read "The Third Wave". These books had great impact on my outlook towards what is happening around me and it was when encountering the Third Wave that i realized the similarity in Buddha's teaching of the three illnesses that man is inflicted with, i.e. Greed, Hate and Ignorance; the flip side of the coin to Toffler's, Wealth, Power and Knowledge.
Although published sometime in 1991 I never came across the book until yesterday and as always on reading the first few chapters i realized that what I have been writing about the Buddha's teaching of Greed, hate and ignorance was actually quite appropriate in conjunction with Toffler's works as he expounds the 'power of knowledge' in his last of the triads. The sword, the jewel and the mirror are the three symbols of Imperial Japan and it is related in their legend of the great Sun Goddess Amaterasu-omi-kami who was given these three objects . Never found out who gave them to her, but it is suffice to say that these three objects reflects upon the three sources of power that if wield with intelligence can rule the world. The United States has come very close to accomplishing this, but their Central Intelligence Agency has yet to fully comprehend what is Intelligence other than trying to dominate and subjugate others, through greed, hate and violence; which is ignorance in its vilest form. America has what it takes but lacks Wisdom, Compassion and the true desire for Peace; the country is not at peace with itself. A policeman carries a gun not just to protect the public but to defend himself, America manufactures weapons not to bring peace to the world but to maintain a strong military force as well as generate an economic stability within the country; it is self serving in the most blatant of intentions.
In today's world we need the policeman but we need the policeman who has no self interest in performing his duties, a man who can transcend above and beyond any corruption and prejudices, a man who truly serves his duty without fear or favour, this is what America should aspire if it is to become an International Marshal or Ranger or Cop. But off course this is too far fetched and altruistic a dream and one would be naive to think that such a venture can ever be propagate by one country even if it holds all three trump cards giving it the power  to rule. Greed, Hate, and ignorance will always prevail over the skilfull use of power, wealth and Knowledge; there are more worldly kings than there will ever be divine ones; the sin of vanity is Satan's greatest tool for corruption of man. Every man dreams of  becoming a movie star, an idol, demi-God , a Julius Caesar in his lifetime and nothing will stand in his way till he is one, the longest ruling monarch, the most wealthiest of men, the most powerful dictator, the most, the most , the most! I want my name to go down in history, yes! I want to be known as the greatest nation on earth...yada, yada! Hail Mahathir! Lord of the Twin Towers! Hail Obama, The first Black President!
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!”
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
P. B. Shelly

And this too will pass...Insha'Allah! Change is inevitable and the one consolation that mankind has over all the three sources of 'Power'. The most powerful will one day succumb to being crumbled under its own weight, the most weak will rise to play its legitimate role over nations of the earth as China is proving itself fulfilling its own legacy of rags to riches. This is the legacy of the Dharma Wheel of the Buddha; up one day and down the next. For so long as I am ridng this train I am subjected to its bumpy rides as well as it pristine landscapes passing by the window.