From Random Sketches

I felt like a fool after opening my mouth to give my two cents worth of 'Art Appreciation to a group Art Judges selecting the winners for the "Heritage Art Competition" which which took place at the MGTF - USM. I should have restrained myself and practice just 'Bare Attention', which would have been more fruitful a practice. But i had to jump in like I always do feet first and letting my emotions fly to prove my point. Among those present were highly qualified 'Otais' and a few Art teachers and professors like Prof. Fauzan of USM and Lawrence Loh. Needles to say I put my foot into my mouth in front of great art teachers. 

But i am glad in a way that i made a fool of myself every now and then and especially in the wrong moment and time, this is when I make my 'self' heard where and when it matters. I was able to apologise to Lawrence but the others I find no need to worry anymore how or what they felt about my silly outburst on something i finally have come to embrace as my personality; I am an artist.

If it all sounds like more justifications over my ignorance or the inability to keep to my practice, yes it is and I am humbled by the experience but at the same time felt a deeper insight into who I am among my peers as an artist in the is City of Georgetown., Penang.

I see myself as who I am in the mirror every morning and i am happy that i have been allotted another year added to my life as my birth date passed by a few days ago. I am about to talk the downward slope of the bridge of my life, I have reached the summit of my path and the rest is a gradually drift towards the culmination of the entire trip I have taken thus far in trying to piece together who I am amidst life as it its.

My journey is one of taking a look at the world from within with as much awareness and enthusiasm as i possibly could like tomorrow may never come. Each and every action I manifest for better or for worse, I fully accept as is with not room for doubts or judgement, with no attachment or revulsion, with not a concept of these notions of action. I act and my action is me.

I I sweep the corridors of my mind clearing away the dust and dirt, the cobwebs and molds that has accumulated over time; thus I am.

The next phase has presented itself...

With the passing of the month of Ramadan life continues on with its daily routine of trying to keep looking busy while not doing much. Feeling guilt ridden is not the best of feelings to have but in practice, it is one of the most potent points to take off from when you are on the road to find out all you need to know about who you are or what and where you are at. The fasting month of Ramadan stirred up allot of feelings and emotions from deep within, but this year round i was more relaxed in handling these as i was also doing my own meditative, self reflective practice which seems to have become now my ingrained habit. Letting go was one of the aspects of this practice while I was fasting and dealing with not having money to take care of the daily needs. However it all seems to fall together without any traumatic incident as I gave up my expectations and simply just accept whatever that came my way, and what came my way seemed more than I could ask for. Asked for i did just so i can say i was not too proud to ask, but i got no help from anyone not my family nor my friends and I was able to chalk one down for my ego. Help came in the form of charitable acts from my relatives and friends who made sure that i was never too short of food to break my fast with.
Now I feel a whole lot lighter in being as i made it through the month of Ramadan cleaning my house of all the cobwebs of wanting and needing. I also feel more freedom from having to answer to one too many people who have their own ideas about who or what i should be, I think a whole lot less of what others think of me. I am on my own journey to find out and am back on the road after a brief stop at a roadside attraction, a slight deviation from my intended route. I feel somewhatt liberated emotionally and psychologically after having done a complete month long of fasting and observing as best i could all the taboos that goes along with it. Still on looking back, I could have done better... well Mekah can wait till I am good and ready..."make me a good person Lord, but not just yet."
One of the most precious gifts i got for my Birthday was a book I Picked off the shelve of China House Restaurant where my daughter was working when she came back for a week to spend the Ramadan with me. The book is entitled "The heart os Buddhist Meditation by the Reverend Nyanaponika Thera. It is a gift from the Universal mind for one who has been knocking and questing for answers for many years on the subject of Meditation ans Liberation. It basically teaches about 'Right Mindfulness" or Satipathana as taught by Shakyamuni Buddha. The book is not new but it appears to me in the right moment in time of my practice in self - realization and annihilation which is the primary concern of my journey. As it is said. " What is to be mastered, transformed and transcended, has first to be known and understood."
I have been backsliding in the past few months from my regular intensive meditative practices letting my mind to be influenced by the hahankerings of my daily existence; my wants and my needs, my doubts and my regrets.I have been dwelling in a quagmire of remorse and helplessness, blaming the world for my shortcomings as i have done ever so often in the past. I neglected my faith in my practice, I have not been sincere in facing my failures; I have succumbed to my old habitual self; my egoic nature. The fasting month had helped me to break through this predicament to an extent and now with this new 'Bible', my new text to study. i am finding my way through towards my ultimate goal which is Liberation itself. To be free from the fetters of ignorance and suffering from the deluded state of mind that is threatening to rob me of all my previous accomplishments and sink me deep into the ocean of Samsaric Existence. I have made too deep a commitment and paid too heavy a price in my past towards being able to come thus far with my understanding of who I am; I may not have reached anywhere near the exact answer but i sure am not going to give up in fear and futility my lifelong quest.

"Bare Attention heightens the susceptibility and refines the sensitivity of the human mind; Clear Comprehension guides as well as strengthens  the actively shaping and creative energies. Bare Attention makes for the growth, preservation and refinement of intuition- that indispensable source of inspiration and regeneration of the world of action and rational thought. Clear Comprehension works for making the mind a perfect instrument for its hard task of harmonious development and final liberation. It trains one, at the same time, for selfless work in the service of suffering humanity, by bestowing the keen eye of wisdom and the sure hand of skillfulness which are as necessary for that service as a warm heart..."
                                       Concluding remarks on the two modes of practice, (Bare Attention/ Clear Comprehension). "The Heart of Buddhist Meditation." by Nyanaponika Thera.

In the latest religious development in Malaysia which has caused an uproar among Muslims in the country is the incident that happened in Johor where a resort Manager had allowed a group of Buddhists to perform their prayers at the resort Surau (Mini-Mosque). This event is a very thought provoking incident which will have a great impact upon the inter-religious relationship in the country. The already frail relationship caused by previous incidents whereby Malaysian Muslims claims that Islam has been insulted by individuals in one form or another is now facing a new phenomena which can turn nasty if not properly defused. Again and again religious issues will surface in this multi -religious country and it is imperative that the religious departments will have to look into the matters with clarity and sensitivity, not to blow out of proportion what transpires. Some issues are deliberately caused to create animosity among believers while others are human errors that can be forgiven and forgot. I sincerely hope that we Malaysians no matter what our faith may be will someday arrive at being more tolerant and accommodating towards eachothers' faith.
In looking for faults and blames there is never a shortage but in creating a harmonious example of coexistence there is a dire need for understanding and Right Understanding is the first of the Buddha's , Eightfold Path towards Liberation. As is happening in Miyamar and Thailand, I pray that Islam and Buddhism will not end up at loggerhead over an innocent oversight. As the saying goes, 'To err is human, to forgive, Divine. Let us hope Muslims in this country will manifest a sense of forgiveness much more so than the sense of retribution. Allah is oft-forgiving and Most Merciful, why are we Muslims lacking in this fundamental truth about Islam. The culprit if there is to be one is the man who made it public (on Youtube) his discovery of the so called wrong doing, this is sensationalism that will be the cause of most of our grief into the future. Once let loose on the Internet nothing is sacred and everything becomes easy target for those who seek to benefit from such incidents; a molehill becomes a mountain.
In all my years of making it my study in life of comparative religion I have tried to piece together the benefit of one religious doctrine upon another, each giving support and strength to another. I tried to avoid laying judgements upon one religious belief over another but try to find the common thread that holds it all as in one net. Man is at the mercy of chaos when religions collide with each other and it is our duty as those who seek the divine truth in religions to uphold the ssanctity of all religions regardless of our faith; man needs religions to keep his sanity intact.

"Those who have come at different times to the world to enlighten humanity and to awaken souls from their sleep of ignorance, have come from one and the same source. And although they are different souls there is but one spirit in them and thus all that they have given to humanity is the same in essence. By studying the scriptures deeply and with sympathy, not only intellectually, one will find in Christianity, Islam, Zoroastrianism, Judaism, Hinduism, and Buddhism, in all these religions which have been followed by millions for ages, that in spite of having different outer forms, they all have one and the same inner sense. The inner teachings of Buddha are the same as the teachings of Krishna, although their followers may deny it. And so will the others; each one will say that the faith of the other is different from his own. This separation has always existed and still exists. It can only be removed by the understanding of the essence that is to be found in all religions...
We do not know under what guise a person preserves his religion. It may be hidden somewhere in his heart; perhaps it does not show outwardly. No doubt, if no one were able to express his religious sentiment there would be no communication possible, and that is why it is very necessary in society that we should communicate our deepest religious sentiments."   Hazrat Inayat Khan

"Buddhism does not deny that there are in the universe planes of existence and levels of consciousness which in some ways may be superior to our terrestrial world and to average human consciousness. To deny this would indeed be provincial in this age of space travel. Bertrand Russell rightly says: "It is improbable that the universe contains nothing better than ourselves."

                                                                                                 Nyanaponika Thera   

The Elegant Beggar and Christ said, "Ask!..."



A health Message for Dummies

I am back to minor aggravations such as not being able to enter directly on to my Blog page to write, so i had to go about it by uploading from my sketches and then get to write; weird! I thought I had it worked out or my friend David Carlson did a few entries back but the demon of vexations is back to haunt me. What is going on with my life? Well i am making attempts to apply for a visas to the United States and it is proving to be not an easy task and the more i get into it the less easier it gets. Perhaps my mind is at last giving in to not being as sharp as it used to be when it comes to the computer, oh well, live and let live.
Got an email from my niece in New York and from what I can deduce it looks like she wants me to practically be her restaurant manager if can find my way there. I am not so sure I am up to it as a matter of fact especially when it comes to dealing with cash registers and banks. But then again I will never know if i am up to it unless i try and what can go wrong? Yeah like having a nervous breakdown when you cannot figure out the credit card machine or getting  sparking ticket for every trip to the produce market after buying the wrong stuff, it has happened before.Yes i have a weird defeatist attitude most of my life and i cannot seem to shake it off even now that i keep saying to myself "I don't mind what happens," in my life.
Anyway i am still figuring out how to get my visas application online worked out and what with the fasting and being absolutely broke, what with not being totally happy with the fact that my eldest son decided that i should be the last to learn that he is married; yes life is a bitch but you just to get on with it cause what else can you do? No matter how hard you try to detach yourself from it, life will still have its hold on you for so long as you breath in and out. Looking on the bright side, while making my search for all possibilities like addresses in the States, I came upon my close friend Jerry Sule of the Sule Family in Green Bay ,Wisconsin and we chatted on Face book, he can't wait get together after all these years. I can look up one or two more long lost friends while I am at it. I might even try to have an art show here and there if i can pull it off, but if only i can get this visa application doing. What a pain these days to travel the paper chase alone will drive you nuts Nope, not like the good old days when you just have to show your passport and walla!
So back to basics, it is all a test, a test to see your endurance, it is what has been keeping you going over the years, like you thrive under pressure, so why not now? Old age? Crap! That is just a lame excuse, just got to figure out one step at a time, one hurdle at a time and start to untangle the tangle, start making sense out of all non-sense. it takes time and will power no doubt but what else is there to do? If i had been giving up at every stumbling block that i came upon i would not have the life that i had the past sixty odd years, so let me take this thing from top to bottom and see where it takes me; I could end up in Green Bay than New York.Not that I am overly excited about going anywhere anymore at this stage in my life anyway, so why make it a cancer case. Right now i got more or less one week to go fasting and then figure out where the money is going to come from to stay afloat in the meantime.

There is an element of insanity hidden within all of us, just how much are you willing to let it show ?
Perhaps if there is any regret I might have in the course of my life it is the fact that I turned down from becoming an unscrupulously  passionate money maker and instead chose to honor my so called God given talent as an artist. I could have been a very wealthy man right now if i had pursued the hard earning money making trait in my nature but as I said sometime ago somewhere in this blog, i would also most probably be dead or a total jerk with money. In a way having taken the more spiritual route and kept true to being creative all this while had kept me from sinking into a quagmire of decadent of which i am positive I would have succumbed to. I am not so good with having allot of money.
So i opted to being in the lower income bracket not expecting to be at the lowest most of the time but still being an artist i have come to realize if less than being a prostitute and often times it is a pain to keep reminding myself this. So i experimented with what the lat Alan Watts once called the 'Elegant beggar' persona as an artist. Living like in the old days benefiting from  good hearted patrons of the arts, those who are sympathetic towards artists who are in need due to their inability to make it in this dog-eat dog world. Persons who sees the genuine artist behind the struggle, those who can afford to give with faith and trust and less of judgement and condemnation. I think i am a fool to have this idealism in my head as i am beginning to find out. You cannot depend on anyone or anything for that matter but your own will to survive and in God's will to make it happen. So i am ending this experiment with immediate effect by turning away from asking for charity. I quit being an elegant beggar. I will stop asking or hoping for, Christ was not all correct when he said Ask and ye shall be given, or He should have added depending on who you ask from and what you can give in return.
At my age it don't really matter one way or the other anymore. I have survived sixty odd years and will live on perhaps a few more by God's grace and through it all i have experimented my life with every aspect of so called living. I have as the song goes, "squandered all my resistance for a pocket full of marbles... such are promises" ('The Boxer" by Simon and Garfunkle). Will i be singing this song in New York in the next few months? It would be poetic..

"Without a clear. institutionalized framework for funding. even the discretionary grants from the then Culture, Arts and Tourism Ministry, which held the portfolio for the arts for a time, eventually began to diminish...People often say ,you must be doing this because you really love it.," muses Kukathas."And yes I do. But shouldn't mean i(I) shouldn't be getting paid for it...People can only sacrifice so much; for things to grow..."
 Malaysian Actor and Director ..Jo Kukathas.

At long last my number one son has tied his knots, Alhamdullillah!! praise be to Allah! Now I have a daughter in law! About time! My blog has been getting to be a little bit on the boring side of late and this new twist in my life should spice it up a little. Out of the blue just got a call from the Pilot, "hey Dad! Guess what? I am married! Huh!? it means i got  daughter in law now? Thar is correct old, man! What happened? When? How? Oh it don't matter, so long as you are happy, I am, Congratulations son! I hope you both live to the ripe old age happily ever after. Now get working on making me a Grandpa, I am behind everyone else in my family, everyone is a Dato' except me!
Want to know how i married your mother? Maybe you should ask her first, see if you have outdone your father is style. The very same house i am living in now is where i got married to your Mom and we had what they called it back then as a 'shotgun wedding'. Your mom was converted to Islam then and her name was Nazrah binti Abdullah and that is why we called you Nazri. So by birth, you were born a Muslim, oh don't worry about it now, no one cares or gives hoot unless you do. Funny how life turns out, my two children here who were born in San Francisco and raised in Japan are now Muslims in life and practice; does that makes them any better or worse? Naah! It is all in how they live their lives just as you have done so thus far. Then there is the son who is growing into another fine young man in Switzerland whose life is even more exciting if not challenging and how he has dealt with it and is still dealing with it is building his own character and it does not make him better or worse off than any of his three siblings; I have four children and each and everyone is my pride and joy.
 There is here in Malaysia an ongoing issue with the law with religious conversions, who has the right, father or mother and so forth, it would be an interesting case study if they ever ask me what i think. Well i will let the law take its course and not meddle into something that can turn ugly if one is not cautious as there these days allot of wannabe religious gurus and masters who has their own personal agendas to act out all in the name of their religions; I hate to lock horns with these, but if i must so mote it be. God is on my side, He is on your (their) side and God actually has no Religion, come to think of it, only man does. Man worships His form and without some kind of form man cannot recognize God, just as they cannot the Buddha's teachings without his image, the Divine in him. This is why man feels like he has the need to protect God in His form, whatever that maybe as most men cannot grasp God the Formless, He who is beyond even the concept of the word beyond; man is not equipped to handle the emptiness of Being in God. man has yet to arrive at the understanding of the emptiness of being in himself much less in God and so we have all the God related conflicts, my God is,The God; for this I am will to die in defence of my God.
This has been the best if not most fulfilling fasting month i have had thus far in my sixty odd years of my life. it is so simply because i have at last learned to accept a much of what benefit it has to offer to my spiritual growth within and without; I feel it more so than i have ever had. Perhaps it is just another illusory existence that the mind has orchestrated for my benefit, perhaps i am still groping in spiritual darkness while believing that I am becoming more religious and that i am more acceptable to my fellow Muslim brothers and sisters; makes life a little more tolerable in a Muslim dominated country. The modern day attitude of Muslims in this country is sadly enough, "either you are with us or against us."



Do You really Want to know?!
Long ago when i returned to this country looking for possible business contacts the saying was and perhaps still is among the Malay Muslims, 'What is in it for me?" I remember just about every character i tried to set up a project with was demanding to know this even before i can complete my presentations. The arrogance and the downright condescending attitude they greeted me with made me want to puke in front of them in their offices and these were my fellow Muslim brothers and sisters. Today very few of them have made it and most I found out are just back to square one still looking for business contacts from abroad while eating roti canai from roadside stalls.
So what is my point in all these? All i can surmise is that, shit happens, then you die! You can spend all your life justifying your existence or you can live your life without having to justify to anyone why you exist, the way you do. There is no right or wrong way about it, there is only being in the moment albeit right or wrong. Your choices are what makes you who you are and who you are is not necessarily who you really want to be, to be who you are you have to stop making choices, stop justifying, stop taking sides and pointing fingers, you will know who you really are when you stop being who you think you are and become ...Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu, Christian, Taoist, JJewish; labelling yourself if you have to, or simply Be, moment to moment with no attachment to any form, ideas or philosophy.



When heaven can't heal.



Chaos by Karim age 2 or so.



For whatever reason to days has been a  drag so far as i sit here with a nagging head ache and a stomach that is growling fir food or at least a drink, but it is not meant to be as I am fasting and fasting while at the same time being totally broke is not such as good combination to have. I am hanging in there as best i can even though there is a bottle of mineral water sitting close by on my desk and no one around to bear witness to my committing a breach of faith at present. Such is the challenges that confronts you during the fasting month though it may seem an easy task to some who has never really genuinely tried.

My daughter as expected, text me a message that reads"Dad, I am broke and also needs to buy bus ticket to get home', yeah, fortunately I have fifty in my account and forty in my wallet so, seventy Ringgit was banked into her account and the remainder will go for gasoline which is running low in the Kancil's tank. I was going to pay my 'Zakat'or tithe which amounts to 21RM for the three of us but will have to wait on that priority is in the fuel or I will be stuck not being able tod rive. This being able to nag in my blog is part of being able to drive to get here, hence kancil fuel comes first. I am not seeking sympathy in writing this but it is part and parcel of my catharsis, to let go of, to get rid of to get it all out there or I will implode. I am trying my damnedest to have faith in my practice, to give God a chance to help me out, to refuse to turn for help from my normal sources, it is a fool's road i walk on and the more deeply i find myself into this so called practice the worse i feel about who I am; perhaps this too will pass.

I have been offered to go to New York to help out one of my nieces to run her business while she delivers her baby I am very excited about it but again that doubtful feeling creeps in in the form of , will I be able to pull it off or will it be pulling me off from my comfort zone and put me into a less desirable situation than I already am. So, what is it that is gnawing at my balls at the present moment/ Money situation? The fasting? Not having had a piece for God knows how long? My daily meditation practice not producing any worthwhile results? my art being put on hold due to lack of inspiration and motivation or am I finally going to die? I should be so lucky.

The Buddhist calls this state of mind as being deluded, living in ignorance due to attachment to life itself. There is no cure in this except by seeing it through and recognizing it for what it is and move on unless one has guts enough to place the gun in your mouth and say 'Astalavista baby!" Nope too dramatic an exit and not worth the bullet. I would rather rob a millionaire or a bank if i own a gun. Are you following how my mind is working when it is under stress from all these external pressures, (or lack of it)? This is primarily how most of our minds functions daily or even moment to moment. This is my reason for keeping on writing, just to keep myself  in tune with what goes on in my head. I am my own worse enemy when it comes to cutting and chopping my self to bits and pieces often to the detriment of my  physical and not to mention my mental health. Healing my 'self' is not exactly healing myself, it is like beating my head silly against the wall just to stop it from hurting.

I am sitting in limbo, like a bird without a song as the lyric goes in Jimmy Cliff's song with the same title, my mother did tell me that there will be days like these when it is all pain and achy feelings all over. Only the Muslim God called Allah is wise enough ot come up with such spiritual game plan like the fasting month where everything just hangs out as such in order for man to test himself against his appetites and desires; there is none to blame if we succumb or give up in this as Satan and all his minions are being held in prison for this whole month of Ramadan. So, who can you blame but your own bloody weaknesses, your lack of discipline and your lack of faith and commitment. Whack! whack! whack! This is self mortification, self-abuse, this is spring cleaning of the soul and a great majority of Muslim man women and child endures it all for their faith in God as it is God's will that we fast.

Off course they are those who endures hell of allot more than i during this month of Ramadan and I don't have to look far, my cousin's husband Mohamad kalam is one such person and he has the choice of not having to if he so chooses. He never misses the five times a day prayers as well as the 'Tarawih' prayers at the mosque where they pray for twenty rakaats, (like they bow at least twenty times up and down after the evening prayer or Ishak. Very few people can go through such rigorous prayer especially after fasting throughout the day and he is approaching seventy. Then there are those who work out all day in the hot sun at construction sites and in the middle of rice fields or out in the open seas, these are real men of faith, not the likes of me. I moan and groan at every little adversity or vexations that comes my way like a wiener and has the audacity to write about it.

Bottom line is it is hard to draw any kind of conclusion as to what is right or wrong, each religion, each faith or practice is based upon one's perception of what one perceives the truth to be. I am not much for rituals but i sit and meditate, I sit and try to 'untangle the tangle', unravel the mysteries that is behind all faiths and religions, I sit to empty my mind of all inflictions due to too much thinking. I sit in order that I might find a little peace in between the thoughts that has been buzzing in my head all these years. I sit in order to stay in touch with my breath as it flows in and out. I sit just so that I can become at one with what Is. I am the center of my universe when i am sitting. I am the mirror of that reflects all that is within and without with no attachment nor rejection of all that manifest before me. When I sit I become one with the Whole, the Complete the Emptiness of my Being   

Right Understanding -revisited

Buddha, some two thousand six hundred years ago is said to have said that, because you think, you have problems! So, what to do ? Stop thinking? How? Just stop! But thoughts are like a part of of who I am from the day i learned that i could think albeit to tell the difference from hot and cold and ever since the first thought entered my mind thoughts have been like, who I am, or who I try to be or want to become, and it seems i cannot survive without my thought processes even in my sleep i am thinking. The moment i walked out of the house I am bombarded by myriads of thoughts that pops into my head from ever single form i experience just walking to my car and I started cursing and swearing at the motorcycle riders as they try to dash in front on me while i was making a U-Turn. And I am a 'sitter, someone who meditates every chance i get and yet here I am watching my mind infested by incessant intrusions of mental dramas mostly in the forms of vexations.
Can we stop our thinking dual mind from being in the forefront of our every action, every move we make every decision we take every feeling we have? Can we become a non-thinking entity, that is can we act without the presence of a single thought prior or after we have acted like a robot? We do it allot in our daily lives only we do not fully realize it simply because it is not what we are conscious of, we are not conscious of acting spontaneously without thoughts involved most of the time, why? Well for many reasons, one of which is that we have been conditioned throughout our lives that we are a thinking animal. We are different from other animals because we think, we are proud of this fact too! However, the fact that through our ability to think we on the brink of obliterating ourselves is not really an issue with most of us as we go about our daily lives.
The Buddha is his 'Eighth Fold Path' the fourth of his 'Four Noble Truths', the path by which man can liberate himself from the cyclic bondage of 'Birth, Death and Re-Birth' that every man has to endure is said to have said that, first comes 'Right Understanding'.

"RIGHT UNDERSTANDING

The first element of the Eightfold Path is Right Understanding which arises through insights into the first three Noble Truths. If you have these insights, then there is perfect understanding of Dhamma - the understanding that:
‘All that is subject to arising is subject to ceasing.’ It’s as simple as that. You do not have to spend much time reading ‘All that is subject to arising is subject to ceasing’ to understand the words, but it takes quite a while for most of us to really know what the words mean in a profound way rather than just through cerebral understanding.
To use modern colloquial English, insight is really gut knowledge - it’s not just from ideas. It’s no longer, ‘I think I know’, or ‘Oh yes, that seems a reasonable, sensible thing. I agree with that. I like that thought.’ That kind of understanding is still from the brain whereas insight knowledge is profound. It is really known and doubt is no longer a problem."
www.buddhanet.net/4noble22.htm‎

Hence we can deduce that it is really not our having thoughts that is the problem according to the Buddha, it is in how we think. Right Understanding of how we think or why or when is one of the most profound ways of overcoming our ignorance of who we truly are. No doubt we are a thinking animal, with minds and thought processes and this has placed us at an advantage over other creatures in our quest for survival as a specie, however as i said earlier, despite our capabilities to think, we have become the most destructive of God's creatures on this planet. We seemed doom to self annihilate, we seemed doomed to self destruct ourselves and dragging the whole planetary system with us if allowed to do so. We have 'Star wars' before we can even find our ways around outer space, we have inter dimensional conflicts before we even understand how to cross into other parallel dimensions safely and return without harm; thanks to our 'imaginative' but ignorant minds. Why have we as humans evolved into such a negative state of being relatively more so than into a more advanced, peace loving
and enlightened creatures that benefits the whole.

"We are conscious, intelligent beings with retentive memory. We have language. Over the past several thousand years, we have developed reason, logic and discriminative intelligence. What we must do is figure out how to use these capacities as tools for realisation of Dhamma rather than as personal acquisitions or personal problems. People who develop their discriminative intelligence often end up turning it upon themselves; they become very self-critical and even begin to hate themselves. This is because our discriminative faculties tend to focus upon what is wrong with everything. That is what discrimination is about: seeing how this is different from that. When you do that to yourself, what do you end up with? Just a whole list of flaws and faults that make you sound absolutely hopeless."
www.buddhanet.net/4noble22.htm‎

Hence having awakened to a realization of our primordial ignorance we can surmise that we are basically self serving, self centered, egotistical creatures that feeds upon itself inorder  that we may feel we are alive. Everything we do or encounter is about us, every episode that happens positive or negative has to do with how we see the world or it sees us. We are myopic creatures that feel the threat of change as a personal threat, the effect of climatic conditions as our responsible, we feel we are the cause of and the effect of everything that goes on in and around us personally. This personality conflict has become endemic among those who crave for power and wealth and those who feel threatened by any new changes in a society. This is living in an egoic dominated world as Eckhart Tolle has pointed out in his works.

"We are conscious, intelligent beings with retentive memory. We have language. Over the past several thousand years, we have developed reason, logic and discriminative intelligence. What we must do is figure out how to use these capacities as tools for realisation of Dhamma rather than as personal acquisitions or personal problems. People who develop their discriminative intelligence often end up turning it upon themselves; they become very self-critical and even begin to hate themselves. This is because our discriminative faculties tend to focus upon what is wrong with everything. That is what discrimination is about: seeing how this is different from that. When you do that to yourself, what do you end up with? Just a whole list of flaws and faults that make you sound absolutely hopeless."
                                                                                                              www.buddhanet.net/4noble22.htm‎

  





 

Only Light can remove darkness...

If you have been following the Malaysian News lately you will encounter a series of Islam Bashing, Muslim counter strikes, the need to insult, the need to defend from being insulted, the failure to communicate or fornicate about religion. One of the most outspoken of the ministers in parliament had called for the first Vatican Envoy to Malaysia to be booted out of the country for messing around with an ongoing sensitive issue about the use of the word 'Allah' by Christians in the translated Bible. A pair of wannabe infamous Chinese had decided to take poke at the religion through portraying them eating pork while the sign in the background said something to the effect that it is Ramadan,yada! yada! Most recently a youth was beaten up at a cyber cafe for 'insulting Islam'. Yes, mostly 'only in Malaysia, Malaysia Boleh!
You would think that an average intelligent person would avoid poking the hornet's nest knowing fully well the repercussion would be instant and highly detrimental to the health, but...This fasting month has been quite a challenge for the Malay Muslims as it is forbidden to loose one's temper while in the fasting mode, like it is prohibited to masturbate. So where do all the angry feelings the need to clobber some bird brain who keeps thinking that taking a poke at Islam is fun, where do the Malays hide their anger during this fasting month of Ramadan? For those who has think this matter is not as serious as it seems, they should sit among the coffee and teh tarik drinkers and listen to the flow of words about the Islam bashing issues; it is scary what goes through the minds of those who are generally not as easily provoked. These are the people who will act when push comes to shove and it will be a 'Tsunami' if things spin out of control; to die in defence of Islam is still 'Shahid' to any Muslim and to die in 'Shahid' means straight to heaven, and does not really if it is right or wrong to have this believe, for it is just so. So my question to the non-Muslim who are living in this country, is it worth it? Is it worth incurring the wrath of the Muslims knowing fully well what will happen?
The Muslims has no qualms about killing their fellow Muslims all over the Muslim world just on the basis of a difference in belief what more would they be willing to do when you keep insulting their religion for no good reason? Perhaps this is your true motive, to incite chaos, to sow the seed of anger and violence such that the country will never rise above being a mud hole or a cesspool of violence and ignorance. Then whoever you are wherever you are you deserve to be hung by your balls upside down simply because you are the the cancerous cell that preys upon society's weaknesses. You are the tumour that is growing in the minds of man and that needs to be removed without delay. Your presence on this planet is to destroy that which is the Divine nature in man; you are the anti-Christ, the Dajal! 
For generations man has been plagued by you, societies have perished on your account, you have caused untold miseries and will go on doing so until you are rooted out and slam dunked into the sixth hell realm where your kind are found. The Buddhist has a name for you, they call you Mara, the Muslims has a name for you, they call you Shaitan, the Christians has a name for you and they call you, the anti-Christ or the devil, and the Hindus has many names for you too many to mention; to the average man you are, evil. Your very existence is the destruction of humanity, to bring chaos into the lives of the sons of Adam and of late your successes has been exemplary; you have won many battles. In Syria, in Palestine, in Afghanistan, and many more places all over this planet man has taken lives of their fellow man and if the cause is closely looked into it will be discovered that you are behind all these negativity. That is what you are, the negative energy, the anti- matter, the black hole, the dark force, the ignorance; that which only the light of true Love and Wisdom can remove. Against your fury, man stand little chance of survival in this what the Muslims call 'Akhir Zaman' or what the Buddhist calls "The Dharma Ending Age' or what the Hindu calls the "Kali Yuga", the "End of Days". Only the awakened souls, the enlightened spirits, those who have arrived at full consciousness of Being can see you and stand up to you in defence of the insanity you seek to destroy mankind with.
You have been sowing the seed of discord in your dubious ways in every aspect of human existence but worse of all is your capture of the young through drugs and entertainment; you have made slaves out of millions if not billions throughout human history and the only entity that stands in your ways is the sanctity of religions; without religions man would have perished a whole lot sooner; it is the faith in all religions no matter what the belief system may be that has been the vanguard of standing in your way of the destruction of the human spirit. For so long as man holds his strong belief in the Divine, his higher self, his essence of Love and Goodness, your advance in the course of human history will be not as easy as you would like it to be. You may have won many battles in time but you have yet to win the war and the war will unite all religions in the Light of Goodness and Love, of Humility and Compassion; only Light can remove darkness.

Doing Nothing, is not, Not doing anything

Doing Nothing is not, Not doing Anything

A close friend's mother made the remark that "if everyone decides to run to the hills and meditate, who would do the day-to-day chores around the house, something to that effect. It was written as an entry in Facebook which was not the appropriate place for me to respond to at the time when I read it as it also came as advice to all, in a way.
Not everyone can run to the hills or the forest, sit by the river and meditate it simply does not happen in this day and age Most would rather stay home in their own comfort zone and work their butts off making it in this world; it is a whole lot easier. To leave this comfort zone and wander off into the wilderness of emptiness is a choice very few would even think of undertaking and those that did seldom ever return the same person. Often enough, this odd person would be the pariah of the so-called integrated society; the guy would be out of sorts. On the other hand the guy who listens to the advice of my friend's mother would be well received into this comfort zone called a society, a bread winner, a model of a successful business man, a great doctor or lawyer; they will all have their place and eat their slices of pie in our society. But the guy who returns with nothing worthy of being acceptable as food on the table, clothes on the back or pocket money for the children, he should go back to the forest and meditate upon it, on why he failed where society is concerned.
I have met quite a few of these characters who decided they have had enough of what their society had to dish out and sought the choice of an inner journey and this they thought could be found through being removed from society and enter into a forest retreat or a monastery, They would return every now and then with long hairs and beards and eyes that look deep into the distant or right through you and many would find it hard to fit back into the reality of their society. They are lost in limbo or so we think, when encountering them, but they, a few at least, would feel totally lost in their own self-discovered inner being; being at one with the whole, being in the now. But then, what does society care about being or not being here or there now or tomorrow? Society is about making things happen, profiting and benefiting through your ability to function creatively or by hook or by crook; make it happen. if there is a God you need to worship, make it the Almighty Dollar, print it in your mind, become one with the idea of being a moneymaker, call out to 'money' in your chantings and ask for more (money) when you pray, because it is never enough.  Yes, get to know the Law of Abundance real good; this is the reality of modern-day spiritualism in most societies, and deviation from this is like heresy.
Only a hypocrite worships God to please God, God does not need pleasing, does not need to be ass kissed, does not need to be bribed with donations and so forth; what you give in the name of God is all for your own personal good in the eyes of society. If you really care about what God thinks or likes, try serving your fellow man who is really in need, feed the truly hungry, forgive the depraved and destitute, and devote your love and care for nature with no hope of returns. Listen to the cries of pain and sorrows of those around you and share your love and compassion for them, point not your finger in judgment, but let go of what you have in sharing and giving; become a servant of God, serve the multitude. Servitude is prayer; it is the only prayer that is worthy of God.
To be in the absolute present, the 'Here and Now', to be cleansed of egoic domination, to be free from the bonds of external vexations; these are the virtues that modern man must strive to achieve in his or her daily life. The mind is like fire, it can be of great benefit or it can destroy you in a minute and to fully comprehend the workings of the mind is essential for us humans as we have been living under the illusion that we are what we think ourselves to be; this is the greatest illusion of all that most fail to realize. One of the methods by which to achieve this realization is to remove oneself from the influences of the present environment that has been one's comfort zone. The sounds the smell the taste the ideas the day to day dramas the endless routine of pleasing and being pleased by others; this has to come to an end for the mind to make any significant shift from what it is to what it truly needs to be; from ignorance to a state of awakened being.
This is why those who have a slight inclination towards this understanding make the necessary move from one environment to another, from chaos to tranquility, from delusions to awakening. In order for this to happen the silencing of the mental activities caused by the lack of awareness of such an occurrence will have to take precedence over all else. It is in meditation retreats that this is possible especially in this day and age. The need to shift in gear from the 'Fast and Furious" to that of 'Forest Gump' mode will be a good start to focus on. Slowing down and taking a closer look at what really is is paramount in our quest to be in the now, to be present, to just be.

What to do?

My friend David Carlson has done it, I think he fixed my blog entry problem and he is all the way ther in Esenada somewhere in Baha, Mexico? I miss David, he is one of those guys i had wish i could grow old with and perhaps kick the bucket while getting stoned on some lonely beach somewhere or a monastery, but...shit happens, life is change and changes makes things a little more complicated and so David is in wherever he is and i am here stuck dealing with my own head day to day wondering what went wrong or could i have done any different or is this the 'Summit of my mystique mountain,' the end of my adventures the end of my road.



My Buddy David and Dianne

 I met David while i was living at the Green Gulch Zen Centre, out in Sausalito, Marin Countty, California where we did several practice periods together while indulging in various un-Zenlike activities on the side like eating mushrooms that were not meant for cooking and smoking weeds that came from Humboldt County, Hawaii, Colombia and Mexico, for health and spiritual purposes. I doubt that at this age David gives a hoot that i am exposing ourselves of our good old days when we had not much in ownership and a whole lot of hot airs and smoking guns that got us into hot soups in more than one ways with the females of the Zen community. Never did i ever felt more freedom in my life than when i was sitting and facing the wall in the Zendo, (meditation hall) at Green Gulch. I had a some of the best friends a man could ever ask for in such similar circumstances, and these guys were masters in the former lives doing what they did albeit as computer programmers or stock brokers, or just plain old drifters remnants of the old Hippie days.
David always held my respect, he had the ability to calm and comfort and often enough pulled me out of many of my trials and tribulations with life; he was an older brother i never had, he persuaded me into the right path without making it an effort. We spent many days together exploring the Muir Beach, Tamalpais hills and valleys, sometimes on moonlit nights and we later explored the Golden Gate Park areas in San Francisco like our own backyard while raising our children in the vicinity. I met my late wife Nancy through meeting David who was then living in the same house at 191, Haight Street along with some of the most uniquely weird people among whom included an acupuncturist or two, a masseurs, a lesbian or two and an English lady who was an illegal alien (who David later married to make her legal), a Jewish Jack of all trades (now own probably half of San Fran) among others. On looking back 191 Haight Street was a real nut house and we did hold many head spinning meetings that would make a shrink visit looks petty. It was here that i met Nancy, living among a mixed lot made up of Yuppies and Bums.

Above were two of my brothers whose life touched mine while i was living at the'Gulch'. Jim Abrams and 'The Rev.Terry Sutton. Jim was a part Cherokee Indian (baldy) while Terry was from Lincoln, Nebraska. The boy they were handling is my son Karim.

The green Gulch trails leading into the Tamalpais hills eventually or towards the Marin Headlands in another direction. Most people would have to pay a good amount to afford to spend a few days here as a retreat, I lived in this place for nearly two years and had one of the best periods of my life. Thanks to my brothers in robes, David C. David L, Jim B and Terry S., not to mention Peter R. and a few others.

Special mention should be made when it comes to friends at the monastery, Ed Brown, what a man! My teacher and friend who talked me through many an identity crisis I use to have while practicing Zen. 

My Etchings - Mother and Child series.

Creating etchings is a n involved process which I love to do but has no patience for. It involves various stages of preperation from getting the copperplate primed to perfection to knowing how long the plate should be left in the acid bath.

I practically gave it up on account that i hated waiting for the plate to be ready and the messy business of inking and the meticulousness of prpeeration before the print is rolled through the press.Also perhaps because etchings or rpintmaking in general is slowly fading into obsecurity in the Fine Art.

The 'Mother and Child' exhibition was held at the Aoba Gazo Gallery in Sendai, Japan. I did all my printing at the Miyagi Museum of Fine Arts in Sendai. There was a Professor from Colorado who was also a master printmaker when i was doing my works there, cannot remeber his name off my head but he was slightly older than me and was very much a gentleman.

What's up Doc? -13/7/2013

Ya I made it to the mosque yesterday for the Friday prayer and the same scenario of having some pompous idiot arrive next to you and throws down a bunch of keys on the prayer mat in front of him! Kaboom! my mind went off with a assault and battery scenario, of kicking the guy's teeth in and so on and so on...Then by chance he  might have felt my vengeance towards his presence he moved away and left a gap between us to be filled up immediately by a young kid who has the air of being  in the know with God. What irks me right off about this kid was that he keeps twitching his finger like he is pointing toward ten different directions when he was doing the Tahiatul, where in a sitting position you at one point, you point with your index finger foreword as though at God in front of you. This kid has his finger wiggling away here and there and everywhere until one cannot help but agree with him, that God is indeed everywhere; I could reached over and broke that finger but i was sitting there before God, how could I?
Off course in looking at it all afterwards you realize that it is all my own vexations created through being attached too much to forms, to externals and to what is going on around me rather than keeping my consciousness close to home. I usually sit in meditation for half an hour to 45 minutes while waiting for the Imam to five his Kuthbah or sermon and usually I have my eyes close to keep myself from being distracted...but. This is why I seldom pray at the mosques except on Fridays.

The fasting can bring out the best and the worst in a person and fro it seems that i have yet to earn my rights to the best when it comes to anything religious, I just cannot seem to be receptive enough towards what being in the presence of God is as my mind has been trained for so long to rebel against any form of constraints, coercions or cajoling. The Vatican has sent its envoy for the first time in history to Malaysia to add to the religious colors of this multi religious country. With the representative of the Pontiff in our midst we hope that we will get the benefit of his wisdom towards these nagging issues we are faced with like the use of the word 'ALLah" in the English Bible or is it the Malay translated bible. Whatever the case may be everyone who is interested in God, Allah and the whole religious scene is up in arms for and against the issue and this has been going on for the last few years; I wonder if God or Allah has changed somewhat by now. All is transitory said the Buddha, nothing remains the same as human minds can never stay on one plain for too long, the word Allah may take on a whole different meaning by the end of the day who knows. We are still trapped in names and forms but fail to feel the essence of Being one with God or Allah; and if we do we often enough fail to see what it is that God sees in His own image in us. We are running after our own shadows like Peter Pan, trying to catch it and keep it with us all the time when it is already if we let it be. Instead we trudge along like Zombies emotionless seeking some live forms to consume so that we can keep on warbling along and call it living. We kill in the course of our living, we kill to stay alive and relevant even as zombies. Then there are vampires! oh how we love vampires and their lifestyle, we make great movies out of them just to keep our hopes up that we are free from our forms or we can remain in our forms for eternity if we know how to live off others. Zombies and vampires may not exist in reality but they are great human psychic projections that we create mentally to occupy our warped imaginations. To justify our yearn for the taking of lives and the possibility of longevity, atattachment to this mind dominated life has made us desperate to preserve our forms at whatever cost; we have been selling body parts all over the world in case you have not been informed. Hearts, liver, kidneys, eye balls, you name it we got it in today's market, just name your price.

 Oh, what a wonderful world we live in, is there any other place like this home of ours out there among the stars, my next venture would be into astral travelling to check out for any more exciting lives out there.

More colors.

Reminiscing The Tohoku Region -Sendai

Jido Koen

Matsushima

Yamadera

Haguro San

Kinka san

Iwate

Yasoen, Sendai