Rambling on the 4th day of Ramadan.

 

                                      Just joined the Debonair Club of  Gergetown, Penang.

"Where do I begin, to tell a story of how good a love can be,

The sweet Love story that is older than the Sea,

Where do I start?" 

Such Is! Help is all around us and all it takes is for us to knock; we are never alone. Trust and believe in this wholeheartedly and with genuine faith as you trust in your God. All we need to do is to stay awake free from mental chattering as much as possible or better yet silence your mind one way or another and you will find the answer or it will come to you, Insha'Allah! I ask time and again of my Lord, how do I free myself from my nafs [u}, my ego and the answer i got is that I have to step by step, moment to moment, breath to breath, there is not shortcut. With Patience  and Perseverance, with humility and dignity and with infinite Love and Compassion, You surrender yourself towards His Grace, His Redha, His Contentment with the path you have chosen or the path chosen for you in this life, when I say you I mean me, I am talking to me. As I get deeper into this practice I find myself stepping into deeper shit holes like I am more uncertain with myself than I have ever been! I am 75 for God's sakes! The house is saying farewell and the grave is waving welcome as the Malay saying goes,"Rumah kata pi, kubok kata mai!" Yes I do realize the fact that it could happen at any time for I can feel it in my bones and in my heart. I sat outside in my garden contemplating this whole issue that is going on within me and without and how I am coping with the physical pains like the nagging toothache and the migraine and the hernia and the rash between my legs, and more seriously perhaps the shortness of breath! Yes, I sat out there telling myself to cry but the tears have long dried up for a long time now and the first word that came to mind was Peace! Out of the blue, Peace! I felt peaceful, I felt blissful as I felt the plants around me and my body in pain all over. I started breathing and felt all the pain drop away one by one back into the void of my consciousness, I felt free on this the fourth day of the Fasting Month.

The lyric above from one of my favorite song stuck in my mind ever since I saw the movie "LOVE STORY." Life is a love story that is told straight from the heart from moment to moment from breath to breath and it's "A Never Ending Story!" another one of my favorite movie when growing up. Lessons comes in many forms and from all directions if you are aware and so does ignorance. Wise words but there is no doubt help in your life, blessings and saving graces, you just have to be present to receive them and what is more important is that you are humble enough to ask for help even to the Highest Giver of Help. His Mercy and Grace encompasses all dimensions and is readily available for the asking. Being thankful, grateful and contented is our way of receiving this help, Alhamdullilah! Praise be to Allah, as the Muslin often utters upon receiving anything and some even when they receive bad news. Bad news carries good medicine for healing a drifting mind, it's the stick that woke up the sleepy monk.

SO! Step by step, inch by inch I am crawling my way towards the Throne of my Lord, towards Liberation and Peace, Insha'Allah. Along the climb I am unloading all my ancient twisted Karma, from beginningless time, Greed Hate and Ignorance, Born through body, speech and mind; my carnal and cardinal sins. The baggage that i have been carrying on my back like a camel and wandering in the desert looking for water when water has been there on my back all along. Whenever I entered the Zendo or meditation to sit I would put aside my baggage by the door where I leave my zoris, i will pick them up when I am done with my Zazen. It did not make it any easier and for forty five minutes I would be struggling with chattering or monkey mind popping up one after another drawing my attention to them like a fly attracted to a pile of cow dung. However there were moments when it all comes to a standstill and the silence is deafening and you are where you want to be and it is Blissful. It all makes sense and it is all as it should be, wide and empty sky no white or dark clouds hanging by. It hits you with the flash of a lightning and then gone and you find yourself back in this sack of bones.

And the fasting must go onnnn...