Fourth Day of Fasting.

 

BismillahiRahman niRahim.  I say this under my breath or within my heart every time I open the car door and I repeat again as I insert the key into the ignition and again as I turn on the engine. I keep saying it at every moment when I hesitate or find my mind drifting from my driving. I do the same when sit to make and entry into my Blog, I believe I am watched over and protected by doing this and at the very least I am reminded of my God. That without His Will I have no will at all, without His Love and Compassion I would have long succumbed to self destruction. Noe I fully understand the significance of simply remembering God and His Glory whenever I think too much of myself and how blessed I am for He could have wrote me off for Gaza in this life or even in the slums of Mumbai. Alhamdullilah, another phrase or word that comes naturally to my lips whenever receiving good news or receiving a gift, AlHamdullilah, than you in the name of Allah }SWT} Yes, being grateful and thankful for all that is given in this life from day one till now is paramount in my practice. Harigatogozaimas!, Mucho Gracias! Terima kasih! Rumbu Nandri! Danke!, they all mean the same, but Alhamdullilah is special for Allah only. After you have uttered it quite often enough it comes out naturally and spontaneously thank you are thanking God for every thing you receive, Allah is the Giver and the Receiver and there is none who gives or receives save Allah AzawaJalla. I cannot and will never claim myself to be a devout or good Muslim and my knowledge of Islam is more by chance or experience, however after a long search and through many different religions and spiritual practices I say again to myself that "There is no god; only Allah and Muhammad is His Messenger." 

Often times I forget even Bismillah...that's how great a Muslim I am. Such is! All I know is I do not exist except for the Grace of the All Mighty, His Love and Compassion and I feel safe inside and outside. I surrender my whole lock stock and barrel to Him and I know I will return to Him at the end of my days. I know i am destined to play my role as He had wanted it in the Book of Life and not one breath of mine belongs to me; I know how fragile I am in His Prescence. I realize my sins and transgressions in my life and only His Mercy is my hope. I know I am justifying to myself every word I say and I know I am not convincing myself no matter what excuse i come up with. "For as long as there is and 'I', the Buddha is said to have said, life is suffering." No I no suffering. I as someone once wrote, am a splintered soul that is in need of a serious spiritual healing; how to save my soul? How to mend a broken heart? Who is asking? The Buddha wears the Noble Silence and the Half Smile mudra when asked about God or even the afterlife, He had no answer and few will hear it if they are aware and awakened and in the Zen Buddhist tradition it is called Direct Transmission. The Buddha is my Teacher, my Guru, not my God. The Buddha is One of the Prophets sent to heal humanity that was going into chaos. Hinduism during the time of the Buddha was becoming overly corrupted by the Priests. Human sacrifices and caste system cast a grim picture in Hinduism. The story of how the Buddha allowed Himself to be reborn again for the last time as a favor to humanity; He reincarnated as a Great Teacher. I was born and raised as a Buddhist for twelve years of my life before I was converted to Islam. The teachings and wisdom of the Buddha has always been my practice in life. It is with Buddha's Mindfulness that I say BismillahirRahman nir Rahim where I open the door to my car and then when I put the key in and then when I turn on the engine.

On this the fourth day of the fasting Month this has been what have been running through my mind as i went about my daily chores. And I have yet to try Hayawasca brew.