It is Friday Today.

 

It's Friday, the call for the Friday Prayer from the State Mosque sounds loud and clear outside my window, I am taking my shower. Every Friday I feel tested whether or not I perform the obligatory Friday Prayer at the Mosque; herein is my biggest and most challenging burden of guilt that i bear with me; I cannot consider myself a true Muslim by, law. I have learned to accept and live with my conscience and the believe that Allah Al Mighty is oft. forgiving, Loving and Compassionate and none that has happened in my entire life would have been possible except for His Will and Divine Grace. On this Friday I confess my guilt and shame that I have not been able to perform my solat, my five times a day daily prayers and the Friday Prayer at the Mosque. This personal admission is not for fame or glory, for causes and justifications, this admission is  out of a sincere feeling that happens when I was sitting outside after my shower and confronting the issue to myself. Where do I stand? What is my Dharma Position in this life. How far or how near have I drifted from the 'Straight Path, how far or how near am I from my final cut? For years my mind has been occupied with these questions and most of the time triggered by the call to prayer form the loud speakers around me; Bilal is everywhere. The voice of reason, that small voice that sometimes steps into my consciousness whispered to just sit and empty the mind from all thought formations and listen to what that from within has to say. The heart is the Temple of the Living God , it is said, so from within the voice whispered, to pray and pray as though you are facing your Maker. I prayed for myself and my children asking for forgiveness and compassion us all. I ask for forgiveness for all my transgressions of the past, present and future. I asked for the strengthening my Iman, Faith and for making me an instrument of His expression in this realm of my existence. Lastly, I am His humble servant and have surrendered my heart and soul into His hand and I unconditionally  Love Him without any doubt.

It is Friday and while others spend an hour or so at the mosque listening to the Imam giving his Kuthbah, I am and still am dealing with what it is to be a Genuinely Good Muslim,  I am thankful for having had to take the Path less traveled by an average Muslim. I had a dream once along time ago about how I at the end of the dream was told that I just had entered religion through the backdoor. I have related this particular dream a few times in this Blog and so it would be redundant to repeat. What did it meant by entering the religion through the back door? The voice in my dream whispered in my ear as I opened a side door in a temple somewhere in India into a dusty, hot and loud bright street of Calcutta. In the dream I had walked into the temple from the rear entrance and passed through every form of religious training in the Hindu tradition until I came to the main hall where it was loud and chaotic with loud chants and pujas, I felt the need to leave the scene, so I stepped out. It was one of my most vivid dream and I was in my thirties living in Green Bay, Wisconsin. Perhaps my 'self' searching journey truly began then after i had my dream during my college years and the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay. It is Friday and I am still discussing about my faith and my stand as a Muslim. I have always maintained that i am a Muslim by faith and a Buddhist in Practice. Perhaps before i depart from this life I will come to understand both and merge them into one and perhaps attain Fana' or liberation with this realization. WallahuAlam. Only He knows.