Brewing the Nanyang Coffee class with 'Tiger' Tat.

 

When I was coerced into joining her to a Coffee Making class given by a guy named Tiger Tat I was expecting to see a tall skinny guy with tattoos all over his arm and long hair down to his shoulders. Piercing eyes and a no nonsense manner, instead i found this guy! Meet the Tiger!

He gave us one of the most pleasant and educative tour of the area where he lives at what is called the Rifle Range Flats area near Air Itam. His father owns a coffee shop somewhere close to his flat.  

   

What is Nanyang Coffee? That's what we were there to learn, how to prepare it the old traditional way and the modernized version. I was surprised to learn after all these years that word Nan Yang is not the name of a province in China but  is used to describe the South East Asian countries. Duh! 

We were walked through the whole process of turning coffee beans into the black coffee that we all enjoy. The ingredients itself was an eye opener. I did not realize that butter and sugar and sesame seed are added to the process in preparing the roasted coffee beans.

Pouring thick black and bitter coffee into the cup is an art when you are using a cloth strainer in the old way. It is tricky if you do not learn how. It is like the tea ceremony where every step matters in the development of a sense of awareness. In pursuit of the so called bigger things in life we tend to take for granted the simple that equally matters. I need sugar in my coffee I told them, sorry, I know sugar is poison and so on, but I am hooked on it. So no bitter coffee for this guy. Then out of the blue one of the tour members a gentle man from China handed me the most tasty sweet black coffee he had prepared. 

Yeah you got to keep stirring the beans so they get evenly burnt, you know when they are ready when you hear the first pop like a popcorn and then followed by others.  Tiger's Dad owns a coffee shop close by and no wonder he has a good idea about how to prepare the coffee beans. 

Easy to remember, just snap a photo of it! Yes that's the ingredients! 

What's Your Story?

 

A friend asked why I Blog. The answer is in the Blog I told him, read it if you dare or forever stop asking why this or why that. Until you have ventured into the extent of the matter it does not really matters why or why not. Whatever it is that you do in this life whatever you intend to create or become you have to stop asking questions and step into the experience with a clear or devoid of any intention and disregard the outcome of what it will be. So long as you keep on trudging with no specified motive or intention, you are free from conditioning or being conditioned into performing an act that has a motive or an ending, this Blog has no beginning nor an end just like the Blogger. Perhaps it is one form of time wasting or killing time as they say, but then you are drawn into question or what what is time? How can time be wasted or how does one kill time? At the highest understanding of the spiritual  in most ancient religions time is non- existent, time is a mental formation that is not registered in the ultimate consciousness of being. And one can go on and on rambling this non-sense until you run out of time, perhaps only to find what you are looking for or the answers to the question you are asking is all answered in time. So, why do I keep writing this Blog; why do you keep reading this Blog?

I vent my  anger and frustrations, my happiness and gladness, my sorrows and pain my loneliness and despair, my jubilation and self aggrandizement, I sing my ballads and play my songs, these I do when I write; what else is there to do? After all this is Friday morning and Fridays have always been an auspicious day, of reflection and contemplation, of worshipping and meditating, Fridays have always been a day in the week where grace and Blessing or shit happens. Whatever or whichever it is best to keep an open mind and accept what happens as it happens and surrender it all to the will of the Lord till Saturday comes. Yes, this another way of spending my time or how my mind occupies itself with time. Oh I have done my meditation, sat just as the call for the Subuh or morning prayer came from the State Mosque and I did my worship reciting from the few verses that I remember all these years and ask The Lord for His Mercy and Forgiveness, for my transgressions of the past, future and present and I have done the dishes immediately after feeding the cat and the birds, I have also did the laundry and cleaned the toilets and bathrooms and after listening  twice repeatedly to Sunyamurti Satsang on You Tube, as once is not enough to fully grasp his teachings/ now I am sitting here wasting my time, So why do I Blog? The day I can breeze through the morning without having to justify my existence or create a fictional story is the day I will be liberated; so question immediately follows, how do I attain this liberation? The answer is in the Blog, some where of the 2596 entries made thus far according to the stats shown. 

We are story tellers and the most common of stories we tell is that of who we are or who we think we are as a character in this story we have been creating. We tend to make it as dramatic and as awesome as it can be to keep the flow going and attract those who like to read  to share in our story. In the words of Suniamurti, Man should be called a homo-fiction rather than homo-sapiens. Most of us have our own tales of "The Thousand and One Nights," or better known as 'The Arabian Nights.' This is how we keep ourselves entertained, creating fictional stories with a pinch of the truth in them. This is how we complain, blame others, justify to ourselves, moan and groan over events that have affected us especially in the negative ways. We become the protagonist, the antagonists and we wield our swords and sling our sub-machineguns, we become the victims and the torturer  all in one episode of our lives. When we run out of  plots to write about we resort to external fictions created by others to add an angle to our stories. 

So what's your story? 

       

In Honor of The Maestro of Indian Classical Music; Ravi Shankar.

 If asked who is the greatest musician in my time, I would say that it is the late Ravi Shankar the Divine Sitar Master who left India and the world with yet another Devine gift of the spiritual nature in the form of music and sound in particular. Yes I thought of listening to something classical tonight and decided upon one of the masters I used to listen to. For those who appreciate Indian classical music, the sound of the Tabla, the Veena and most of all the Sitar, will testify to the meditative effect on one's consciousness; it is like being transported into the ocean of Bliss itself. Imagine one being a cork beginning its journey  down from the top of the mountain towards the vast ocean. This is the feeling i get whenever i meditate to Ravi Shankar's 'Raga', it evokes the rise and fall of the floating cork as it traverse the creeks, streams and rivers on its way, the rhythm of life as it flows along from one end to the other. Personally his tunes also evokes my childhood memories of going to the Hindi Movies with my mother when I was four or five. Images of the Black and white Indian landscape and the imaginary scenes created by the set artists like a water lily pond accompanied by the Hindi classical music stuck in my memory till this day, seventy odd years later. These were the best moments I had with my mother. As I watched his last performance on video which was at the Terrace Theater at Long Beach, Cal. just before he died with oxygen tubes sticking out of hid nose playing alongside his daughter Anouchka Shankar, it was a father and daughter farewell performance and his tribute towards his audience from all over the world leaving behind him a legacy to be remembered by ;t was the most moving scene I have thus far experienced of what being  a Great Artist and Maestro is all about. His daughter Anoushka Shankar today carries the legacy of her father and Guru sharing it with the world all over.,. sharing the sounds of the strings on a Sitar. When not listening to the theme song from "The Last of The Mohicans" or The theme song from "The Gladiator" I would listen to Anoushka Shankar: She has taken Sitar to the next level.

I was attracted to the Maestro when I first heard Ravi Shankar play alongside The Beatles, sometime in the sixties and I was fascinated by the sound of East and West came together. I was young then but I felt the beauty of music being taken to a higher level at least spiritually. Spirit came into being in Music. I was young then but i was most fortunate to have be exposed to western cultures for as long as i can remember.  I must have kept repeating this same story somewhere in this Blog and I will try not to bore myself from it. I was educated in a British System of education which simply means that English was the primary language. My primary school what at Captain Francis Light Primary School. The captain was said to have founded the Island to {which I disagree} of Pulau Pinang or Penang. But that is not important, its history, what I am saying is that my mind was educated in the Western narrative of consciousness. Read and speak good English and think most importantly how a Westerner would think. I did not realize this when I was young but on looking back for lack of better things to do, I realize the connecting dots were there. Call it predestined or destiny or whatever, but as one grows old and and if the mind is able to calm down and reflect the past as accurately as is possible, with no judgement or attachment, if one can retell the past to share the details of one's journey, why not?  So long as the ego does not take too much of the center stage; let the show go on.

Some time in the early years of the 60s my eldest came home from England where he was studying and he brought back two books large beautifully decorate hard covers, one was Robin Hood and the other The Borhers Grim. My twin brother chose Robin Hood, This gift that came all the way England inspired me to excel in anything and everything English. Then while growing up Along the East Coast of Terengganu my eldest brother again provided the twins with enough materials to appreciate English. He had a collection of books and novels, from Playboy Magazines to Robert Ludlum, from the Marvel and DC Comics to the Iliad of Homer.  My twin and grew up exposed to the Western Culture, in music and choice of reading. My mind was synchronized towards thinking as a Westerner, whatever or however that may be. I must declare that it has been a blessing and curse as well. Doors were opened , the level of consciousness expand and soon the accumulation of all the knowledge and experiences has wore me down, and so why not just sit and enjoy writing about it? As They say, and keeps on saying, the Devil is in the details. 

Did Abraham attempted to sacrifice Isaac or was it Ismail?: who do you think?

   

 

       

Weighing the pros and consequences in daily life.

 Two days ago my daughter and I decided to hire my nephew to do a painting job for the Apartment which included in looking at the Air conditioners something which later turned out the landlord a Mr. Cheah refused to consider paying for as he never suggested having it done. When the job was completed the total amount came to about three thousand and the amount quoted was two thousand at the most. Why am I telling all these boring , mundane daily dealings in and around the home? I am writing it all down so as to make some sense to myself as my mind being what it is, goes to bed and waking up with the thought of being taken advantage of by just about everyone involve in this matter. So as long as it matters to my mind to tell and retell the events that led up to the final state which is yet ongoing, for my own sanity's sake I need to puke it all out on how i perceive what had transpired. It does not matter if it matters or not as far as others are concern, my nephew, my daughter, Mr. Cheah the landlord or the Menara Kuda Lari Apartment Committee for that matter. These are the entities that is for the present has been occupying mind with thoughts of fair and unfairness, responsibilities and commitment, and the basic huma decencies of our human coexistence depending upon one another to make life simple and pleasant for all. As I see it it will only turn more sour if  each entity, each individual does not wake up to and claim their part with a fair and firm commitment, keeping the welfare of the customer as the best interest. If profit and loss is the measure and disregard for concern of the safety and well being of the tenants is the norm, then it would be like barking at the moon when you are stuck in a bog; the more you struggle the deeper you sink. So what do you do to stop this mind from carrying on like it is?

Since I am on the subject of my daily mental preoccupation concerning my living situation and my dealings with others, it is only fitting that I share with myself a few facts and fictions, what is real and what is simply not even there. I am sieving through to collect what makes sense and what is simply non-sense, what i should see with full awareness and what the mind wants to perceive. I cannot fully be committed to say that I am full contented living where I am, but it is thus far the best of my times and fortunately at my old age, as even the fact that i am sitting here making this post is a good example of being here, now.  To be with my son and daughter under the same roof for the last few years has been both a blessing and a challenge which helped me grow as a father. The fact rarely does anyone comes up here to the twelfth floor unless they have a business make it the most private place to do what i do, practice what I practice and talk to my Maker like I am in a cave up in the mountains of Tibet. There is a relatively good security service, can rest assured my parking space will always readily available, its a bonus hard to come by living is the city. The fact that here is whole lot of space for my daughter and I can grow plants and have a small corner for a studio to pain, this too is an added bonus. The scenery early this morning was the sides of the Penang Hill being covered by misty clouds like stretches of cotton wool and the air crispy clean fresh from the storm last night. The Race Course looked green and the Kek Lok Si Buddhist/ Chinese Temple on the slope of the Hill was bright and clear in the rising sun. Yes the scenery is impeccable on both the front and the back, something that has been an environment that helps to sooth a wearied mind and clear a cluttered brain. All around us one can practically view the panoramic view of the City of Georgetown. 

When my daughter was in the process of looking for a place to stay we came upon this place and made the decision to take it even though almost half her salary would go for rent. I asked her what she would settle for, a quiet and safe place to come to at a higher price or a cheaper place where you would be scared to step out at night listen to the sound motorcycles all day and night long while struggling to find a parking space every time you come home; we settled for the place and partly because it came fully furnished. The apartment seemed perfect for the price except we found out four or five years ago that the ceilings are prone to peel offs due to water leaking through from the roof. And I found out a few weeks ago that our apartment sits under three large steel tanks over ten feet tall and twenty feet wide containing possibly tons of water and the leak was from one of these. Sometimes I feel like I have made my last bad choice and imagine what the mind has played out as horror or horrors stories with regard to being squashed like three bugs in bed. Safety? What a laugh! When was the last time a building Inspector come to take a look at the conditions the several buildings are in. A few nights ago the air conditioner in my son's room decide to come off the wall and drop on my son's legs while he was sleeping. Fortunately for pipe connection that still held the unit just hung there in the air. This is why the landlord came acting all excited trying to make it look like there no problem at all and tell him what is needed to get the house ship shape again. Do I need to continue? Nope! I will just leave the rest of the story to unfold and sit and watch; the Devil is in the details?

  

It is Friday Today.

 

It's Friday, the call for the Friday Prayer from the State Mosque sounds loud and clear outside my window, I am taking my shower. Every Friday I feel tested whether or not I perform the obligatory Friday Prayer at the Mosque; herein is my biggest and most challenging burden of guilt that i bear with me; I cannot consider myself a true Muslim by, law. I have learned to accept and live with my conscience and the believe that Allah Al Mighty is oft. forgiving, Loving and Compassionate and none that has happened in my entire life would have been possible except for His Will and Divine Grace. On this Friday I confess my guilt and shame that I have not been able to perform my solat, my five times a day daily prayers and the Friday Prayer at the Mosque. This personal admission is not for fame or glory, for causes and justifications, this admission is  out of a sincere feeling that happens when I was sitting outside after my shower and confronting the issue to myself. Where do I stand? What is my Dharma Position in this life. How far or how near have I drifted from the 'Straight Path, how far or how near am I from my final cut? For years my mind has been occupied with these questions and most of the time triggered by the call to prayer form the loud speakers around me; Bilal is everywhere. The voice of reason, that small voice that sometimes steps into my consciousness whispered to just sit and empty the mind from all thought formations and listen to what that from within has to say. The heart is the Temple of the Living God , it is said, so from within the voice whispered, to pray and pray as though you are facing your Maker. I prayed for myself and my children asking for forgiveness and compassion us all. I ask for forgiveness for all my transgressions of the past, present and future. I asked for the strengthening my Iman, Faith and for making me an instrument of His expression in this realm of my existence. Lastly, I am His humble servant and have surrendered my heart and soul into His hand and I unconditionally  Love Him without any doubt.

It is Friday and while others spend an hour or so at the mosque listening to the Imam giving his Kuthbah, I am and still am dealing with what it is to be a Genuinely Good Muslim,  I am thankful for having had to take the Path less traveled by an average Muslim. I had a dream once along time ago about how I at the end of the dream was told that I just had entered religion through the backdoor. I have related this particular dream a few times in this Blog and so it would be redundant to repeat. What did it meant by entering the religion through the back door? The voice in my dream whispered in my ear as I opened a side door in a temple somewhere in India into a dusty, hot and loud bright street of Calcutta. In the dream I had walked into the temple from the rear entrance and passed through every form of religious training in the Hindu tradition until I came to the main hall where it was loud and chaotic with loud chants and pujas, I felt the need to leave the scene, so I stepped out. It was one of my most vivid dream and I was in my thirties living in Green Bay, Wisconsin. Perhaps my 'self' searching journey truly began then after i had my dream during my college years and the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay. It is Friday and I am still discussing about my faith and my stand as a Muslim. I have always maintained that i am a Muslim by faith and a Buddhist in Practice. Perhaps before i depart from this life I will come to understand both and merge them into one and perhaps attain Fana' or liberation with this realization. WallahuAlam. Only He knows.  

First time Listening to Datuk Dr.Syed Ali Tawfik Al Attas

 Stumbled upon a You Tube podcast by Syed Ali Tawfik Al Attas, the Issues of Race, Religion and Royalty,1st.July 2023, was humbled by his personality and presence and his firmness in his stand on whatever field albeit Governance or Religion among other things. I am impressed and his thoughts and words are the exact echo of mine, only I could not have presented them as fluidly and with full conviction and integrity[ a Master class Thinker I would call him. "Adam is dead, we killed Adam. with and through our ignorance," his father told him,  Suffering of the human race is due to our ignorance, our stupidity, our not willing to learn, not willing to understand; ignorance the very lack of being a human being. We have turned into hell what was given us, we are on the brink of self annihilation with a war of wars staring down our throat. Yes there is no doubt in my mind too that mankind has destroyed Adam and sadly enough man knows he is doing this and believe and act otherwise. I have lost my calling in making public appearances, not that I have made any significant number in my days to brag about either. I have a story to tell and I hope one day I can do this just a confident and with deep commitment and passion towards what or how I feel towards what is happening in Malaysia. The devil is in the details as is said, Google Malaysian Politics and you will be entertained by the drama series that will take you to the depth of human ignorance and arrogance. NETFLIX should look into this. The Rise and Fall of the Umah.

 When the future of you country hangs in a balance as it is driven by the same clowns, there is no time to play safe. Safety Mask off, time to 'shout it out on the mountain over the hills and everywhere... to let my people go!' Malaysia is not a land of the ignoramus or zoo for the handicap, we think and we can truly think and we can easily tell a Lier from a one who truly knows, a fake from a genuine pebble. I grew up in this country, born before the Tunku flew off to London to negotiate. My home was often used as the UMNO get together to make the country better.  As a child I sat and I watched and listened, little did I realize how it had prepared me sixty years later. I lived and suffered the changes and I have enjoyed every moment of it without intention or realization. I got to know all about politics and especially the Malay Politicians in my area of Sungai Pinang and Jelutong. Since the Merdeka I watched them as they learned the ropes and made their moves from the low rank to the top most notch, everyone ahs the intention of becoming The Leader. They all want to lead the country and it did not matter when or how they used the people around the especially the Ladies in the Party. In short I never voted until the General Election of 2001? I was in Terengganu and had just returned after being away for 24 odd years, my neighbor lady one day called me over and told me that I should vote and I said Okay! In Terengganu like all good Malays in and around my kampung I voted for UMNO and has been ever since, why? I did not really know, just doing my civic duty, fitting in with the rest of my family, relatives and friends? Like the  neighbor Lady had wanted me to I keep on voting. However of late Politics caught my interest and like the addict that I am I began to look closer at who is who and what is what in the politics of Malaysia. What I have been witnessing is short being an insult to my 74 years of gathering intelligence.

Indeed, it has been the most disappointing choice, the truth of it woke me up to the reality of where I and my country are headed for, the politicians today tells me why I shunned Politicians and politics itself. I am not saying it with any pride but it is if nothing else my justification. Now you cannot pry me away from watching this Political Drama unfolds from General Election to another. The GE is one of the most alive time in this country more so than Ramadan or DVali, even Chinese New year! The Malaysian GE is the most dynamic time for All, physically, mentally, and spiritually. You find the best in the country professing they are the saviors and the enemy are but fools and ignorant, "O The country I was born and raised has God on its side. " Malaysia has it all! Natural Resources, Minerals and oil, Malaysia aught to be one of the riches country at least in South East Asia if not Asia Itself! Look at we are at in the eyes of the world today and how poor we have become. Perhaps among one of the most corrupted Muslim Nation in the world like it or not. Who is to blame? Me, the you and me that sees the problem but ignore it, or make believe it is not happening, even when shit is about to hit the fan we still hide in denial. Yet we brag about being awakened, enlightened, know this know that, what do we do to address the situation before us? We become ignorant or we fall into the zone of the 'comfortably numb.'; and the enemy is at the gates.

                                                                                          

 

I truly have no more questions to ask of myself on the Divine Lord or anyone else for that matter whoever claims to be masters at their Business, their field of expertise or their major achievements and awards, in this life, I have no more desire to know or lean other than what is presented before me in this moment in time; but this too will pass. I really want anything to do with the external phenomena in this Nirmanakaya Realm nor do I wish to delay my liberation from this Maya or illusory phase of my evolution; but I am a sworn Boddhisatva, I swore to remain in this cycle of Birth Life and Death, the realm of physical and mental torments "Suffering Is! But None who suffers!" Shakiamuni Buddha is said to have said, " Nirvana or Enlightenment is but None who Attains it." If anyone  fully understands this those who read me, please respond. I am committed to this realm of pain and pleasure, right and wrong, black and white, this realm of the dual thinking mind; Big miND AND SMALL MIND. The True Self and the ego nature, what is the real and otherwise. Even if the Truthh is staring me in my face I still have to look beyond and find, see and hear to the suffering of others around me, it's what my Boddhisatva Vows is all about; I can never say, "Astalavista! I am Gone! Gone! Gone beyond the concept of the word Gone! All Hail."

I still am a Devout Muslim and getting much better in my remembrance my Lord. With every thought that crosses my mind and that has non significance or relevance to me I and especially of those that end towrds being negative and destructive I would say a few Arstaghfirullah or the Lord's grace and forgiveness and the protection against such thoughts in the future. It is like burying the past for good deleted forever, the past has nothing to offer except for what you project or hope for. The future who knows what next breath brings, perhaps your last on this planet and what matter your fame and fortune? I do not envy any man his or her fortune in life and nor do I frown upon those who did not thrive and make it, the poor and the destitute, the lonely and the sad souls. If I could lift a finger, raise a voice, afford a genuine smile, I am happy, this is what I understand as being a Boddhisatva entails; to serve, Servitude, The servant of The Lord, For me in whatever effort I take has been in the service of My Lord! I ask of Him His Love and Mercy and to lead me on this path towards what is Real and away from the unreal. Even in my errors my weaknesses, I ask of his Grace and forgiveness, if nothing else if helps to silence the thinking, nothing left to think, but being or service to your Lord, " Did I not elected you to be the Caliph, Lord and Guardian of this Planet." ...The Holy Scripture, the Quran. It is sad, so very sad to see what humanity has done to our planet and to ourselves. We are ushering in a prophecy of The End of Time, The Armageddon, the total destruction of this planet and the human race itself; the writing is on the Marquee and on the walls of the subway stations,  Only the blind and the sleep walking, the lost in mind and mindless souls cannot read what it is saying; depressing to say the least and frightening to look into too deeply or too far into the future. So why do you think?

Me ? I am very much addicted to thinking, my mind is constantly  generating, regurgitate and puke out more thoughts in a moment than I can handle, I have spent so much of my time on figuring out on what to do about it or how to go about doing it, simple question, how do you stop a runaway bullet train? Meditation helps! It is as I have been sharing countlessly of times is one of the most useful tool for us to get to know we truly are and accept the course of our lives and live to the fullest of our possibility and adaptability and ability; this our servitude to our Maker or to whoever or whatever we turn to in times of our dire need.; it is the first step towards self discovery and realization; I Am, That I am.! It is the Lion's Roar, the declaration of my Dharma position, the image Lord Hanuman kneeling an ripping his chest open revealing the purity of His heart in serving His Lord Ram and Sita; can you feel it? As the man say, "Can you dig?!" Serving humanity is serving the Lord, serving the Divine Consciousness is inherently within all of us no matter how blinded we are to what is the Real, the Eternal,  the Unborn Original Buddha Nature. All needs be done is waking up to it, the realization of this principle in itself is the key towards self discovery, the study at the soul level. This is the approaching to the gate of Fana' or annihilation of the ego perception and the transmigration of the spirit/consciousness from one realm to another takes place progressing towards what it is seeking as it has sought in life, the safety and security, the comfort and joy, free from turbulence and fear. What we all seek is for it all just to disappear at the end of the day. We could be evolving into a monkey, or a hog or a dog! Or we could arrive at the Pearly Gates of Heaven or Fiery Gates of Hell;  choices you have made in your short lifetime. I am telling these things to myself off course! I am listening to myself and I am witnessing myself, I am aware of who or where I am at  at this moment in time; and this simple awareness too will pass. 

I am still here with my shadow.

 

 

Art Oppening at the Hin Bus Depot

One has to look at this painting up close and the humor will grab you the more you read especially if you can relate to the images he sketched. It is looking at the world global and local through the lenses of humor. Azmi or Me as he is better known, is a gem in the rough, a natural born artist and survivor. I have known him before had had the courage to do life sketch in the open. Today in my books he ranks up there among the Masters in the Malaysian Art Scene. Thank you to the proud owner of this piece of historical caricature.

Ivan, The Curator, a fine gentleman and dedicated and committed to his cause. Another 'Keeper'  I hope he receives more than just a recognition for his endeavors in the City of Georgetown and Penang State as a whole. 

No matter how much or how nothing about art that can move your spirit, you will still be surprised by the latest works each time an exhibition is held. There are so much talent out there yet in process of blooming and taking art to the next level.  I must be getting old! 

One of my adopted daughters, one of the most charming and intelligent young lady who manages the Hin Bus Gallery. Wanida! 

My daughter with Wanida, matured and intelligent young pretty ladies. They give meaning to your life with their presence, the strong yet gentle female energy exhibiting intelligence of their own. I am fully amazed how grown and matured my daughter grown to be. She is far from perfect however she has won a father's blessings and approval to become who she chose to be. In all good hope may she continues to mature a far better and greater person, may these young ladies excel in their quests in life.  

 

What can I say about this young artist who I met more than ten years ago at the Little Penang Street Market where we were both sketching the E& O Hotel I learned that he was intending to to make art his full time work instead of being an Architect. I remember telling why stopping him from being both.  Keah Keng is one of Georgetown's budding young artist whose sketching of old buildings in and around the State is a one of a kind in style. He is a quiet man and so we don't talk much and I wish we did, I like this man. 

Rambling my way into Silence and Bliss.

 The Buddha is said to have said that, " In this human form, at this stage on your spiritual evolution as a living person, is your best bet at getting liberated from this realm of Maya and Samsara, so, don't waste this life." or something like that. I thought it was one of the most profound lesson anyone had ever pointed out to me, it stuck on me, ever since I proceeded to make every effort in practicing this habit of Spiritual exploration called, Self Discovery, or discovering your True Nature, what can you really do more than you think. It is like making a hike up towards the clouds looking for the elixir of life with the Koan, burning like a ball of ire at the pit of your belly asking, like, "Who are You?" or Who am I? Round and round the Mulberry Bush we keep dancing in the meantime trying to break free from the bonds of Samsara; it is in this human life that it is possible to break free from our bondage our horrors and fears of what is to come or become. Am I living in a hell realm already or is hell yet to come? Only in this human form are we able to have a complete realization of what is the human nature and what is the Buddha Nature, what is the Real and what is the Unreal, what is the Truth and the Illusion. It is in this human form that we are able to attaint to complete realization of the Inherent Nature of Who You Truly Are. Only this truth can set you Free. He who knows himself, knows his God. { The Prophet of Allah} and many others prophets and saints alike has uttered this in the past.

What the Buddha was saying is perhaps we are not to waste this cosmic opportunity to transcend this realm of pain and suffering into a pure land of bliss and silence, we could do worse not to understand the call the Buddha made about how valuable this human realm is; don't waste it; Carpe Diem, cease the Moment! I am an overthinker not as nearly a great thinker, but over the years I have come to a simple conclusion about how I view my life thus far, I feel like I have really done the best to thread where no angels would and only fools could. "I am a man of constant sorrows, I've seen troubles all my days..." a Joan Baez song. I am the wandering Jew the legend. I whenever I declare myself as I, the moment I open my mouth to utter this I, I am dead, I AM NO MORE! Another I just come into being...Who am I? For so long as there is this I, life is suffering!,{The Buddha}. At the lower levels we assume the ego to be the I, we talk and act from the delusive position of our Ego, or Nafs in Arabic. The ego in my limited understanding is the Me that I take to be who I am acting and expressing myself in this realm of my existence. The ego is my limited and conditioned mirage of who I am in essence. The ego is my shadow as I walk on this path towards my own self liberation. I cannot eliminate the ego totally, not in this life perhaps as I am too immersed and attached to the ego me. Hence I have to keep going creating stories and dream up dreams, fall into the mire of transgressions and the doubts in the existence of my Higher Self, my Buddha nature, My Divinity.

Think! and know when it is to stop thinking, the middle way is between thinking and non thinking, the silence of the mind, dwell on this and practice making this pause a moment longer and a moment longer...soon you will find yourself nowhere to be found. You stop asking who am I as there is no you to ask, it would not be wrong to feel like you have just stepped into a twilight zone or taken the one step beyond, to step into the abyss is daunting. It is only through this physical and mental human form that  sentient beings are evolving to attain before the final curtain like the third WW3 or the final cut when it all falls apart happens. Your God given mind and body are fully equipped to deal with any kind of perplexities, complexities, vexations and aggravations, if you learn how to. This human form contains within it the Universe Itself, this human form is the Temple of the Living God for within its Heart of Hearts this body holds the light of Divine Spark itself. The source of energy, the sacred shakti that moves throughout the cosmos and within each and every nerve in the body. This is Prana, the force or energy latent in man that keeps him alive in the form of breath. Become fully aware of this energy running and generating all the movements in your mind and body, Om! The sound, it generates from within is the sound of the Cosmos from without, a vibration, a wave a an eternal note; it is also the sound of silence. Listen to it in the silence of you heart for it is in this abode of silence and bliss that that Divine in you speaks.  

 

Rambling on Over Nothing.

 I could go take a nap or I could sit and throw out more details of my life as I share it in the hope of perhaps sharing more than just swapping stories. A nap always sounds tempting but i try not to indulge my time in falling asleep helpful as it may be. So lets ramble on if you 're  still with me. I am listening to the drums from the Cafe D Analtolia video the speakers next to me, it keeps my body moving. Those who  knows what I am talking about will understand why I write as though there is no tomorrow about none other than myself...Who Am I? Is it an obsession? Is it being taken to deeply and somewhat seriously so much so that it becomes like the Zen Koan or Zen Mondo where the question is raised that demands an answer spontaneously or an answer that will be carried within you for the rest of your practice if not life. Like, "what is the sound of one hand clapping? Has dog Buddha nature?  We will keep on asking questions about the nature of who we are or who we are not and where we fit in all these phenomena we call life and living? WallahuAlam! Only the Lord knows. However if we are not to fade off into the distant past or worse become incinerated by a Nuclear fusion explosion, we better be prepared at least with some answers in order to make sense out of all these non-sense. 

I am very guilty of practicing regression, I take one step ahead and two backwards, it's in my nature sadly enough. Further more I am always in the habit of undermining myself by exposing negative or shadow side of my nature and what I do or say. My Ego is very much in control despite all my efforts to stow it away for eternity. Here lies my ego, my nafs, my shadow, the darker side of me; my ego is the reminder that I am fighting a jihad for the purification of my soul, the healing of a 'splintered soul. Ask and it shall be given, knock and it shall be open, and when it is open step willingly and embrace what is beyond. This primarily the way of zen, to enter the Gateless Gate of Consciousness itself. There is no set path to enlightenment, the Gateless Gate is a portal through which one is awakened through some force of nature or psychic energy one is transformed to higher level of awareness or consciousness, these 'spurts' of dynamic energy happens every time the mind is brought to an abrupt halt, total silence. Not even the shadow of a thinker or witness is present, then by the Grace of The Lord, transformation happens, awakening happens, enlightenment happens. The ego when remove completely out of the picture becomes defensive if not destructive towards what it felt as a threat. Not all can understand the concept of having an ego and eliminating the ego completely as it is a boring if not futile question to most of us. We get too lazy to think anymore much less to invite such abstruse topic such as these; I just have to keep on looking into what is there to be learned from these random ramblings or is it just a waste of my time...what is time.? Need I get into that? Nope I will Google it or refer to Google Bard it is all at my finger tips and I need is to be curious enough to want to find out.

  What it takes to attain complete meditative state of mind; hot boiling oil and the crowd around.

I will only stop writing when my thinking mind has nothing to offer anymore in any form of thoughts, no mind no thinking, all empty of their own being, form is emptiness and emptiness is form... says it in the Heart Sutra of the  Soto Zen tradition, being chanted daily in the Zendo after every sitting meditation practice.  When I chanted this Sutra along with my fellow Zen Buddies in the Green Gulch, Green Dragon Zendo I often felt its strong impact of the sound and meaning of the Sutra chanted yo perfect harmony every now and then and when this happens one is transported into another dimension where one get in touch with the Higher Self, the Higher consciousness itself. A state bliss is experienced often or a lighter side of being is revealed in a moment in time, a moment shorter that the flash of a lightning in an empty sky.  Par of the Zen meditation practice is to stay awake and aware when this shift in states of consciousness happens. In a flash of a lightning one grabs the entire secrets of the Universe and when its gone one is back cooking boiled potatoes in a temple in some far off Mount Haguro or on top of Mount Tamalpais in Marin Country looking for berries and mushrooms. Brief a moment as it may, the flash of the lightning has open a gate in your consciousness a portal, a Dharma Gate that stands before you inviting you to enter and on its head beam is written, " Know Thyself". Would jump into it before it is gone or will you sit and ponder what it all means and what the implications might be what is the right thing to do?' : Your life is lost. You have swallowed the hook, your mouth was opened and you were Greedy and now you are caught; what is the sound of one hand clapping?

A Line is cast in the Rapids,

The greedy is caught!

Soon as your mouth is open,

  Your life is lost! -

 

I lost a cousin brother, a good man, an intelligent and honest man a well balance man, Mohammad Kalam a week ago now. How time flies and how soon we forget of those whose life we have touched and they have touched ours when they are no more with us.

from the Mumonkan or the Blue Cliff Records. " The Gateless Gate." are 48 Zen Koans. They are not entirely riddles nor are they trick questions they are simply to trigger your mind into awareness of its present moment state of beingness. A Koan is like someone pulling a chair off from under you just when you are about to sit with a plate of spicy hot bowl of rice noodles in your hand, you stop short or you drop to your butt with hot spicy rice noodles all over you! Not nice. Or you do not react but simply be  present in the moment and allow for the consciousness play itself out. Letting go of existence itself there is no one sitting, falling or covered with hot spicy noodles, none! Sit and enjoy the noodles! If you believe otherwise it is at your own risk, the inevitable will happen; being present in the moment at all moments in time is the essence of Yogic practices of any schools and it is the essence of Zen Buddhist Meditation or Sitting Meditation or Zazen. The Sufi  Twirling Dervishes, those Middle Eastern spinning in their long flowing skirts in complete ecstasy and bliss, their primary aim is the same; to attain complete at oneness with the Divine Nature that is our true Nature, God. We are just divine sparkles in the emptiness of Space and we are returning to where we come from to Whom we belong, we are returning to the source. From the day we draw in our first breath to the day we die we are on the homeward journey to unite with the One True Source of our  Absolute and complete Consciousness itself; The I, the Self... Brahman, God, Yahweh, Elohim, Adonai, Allah, The Buddha, no matter what Name you give or cling to as your faith and complete surrender and submission to, this is the essence that you return to if you are fortunate in this cycle of Life, Death and Rebirth. This is where and when you play out your karmic retributions to find the balance between right and wrong, good and bad, to discover the middle path to navigate this ocean mental delusions that is of your own making. Remember that you are the Captain of this vessel, it is always your call, every decision, every choice, you make is your call; you are the master of your thoughts and consciousness as is said in the Raja Yoga.

I am mostly regurgitating my collective thoughts of past accumulations, of baggage filled with dreams and desires, experiences of good and the not so, basically I am letting it all hang loose for what have I got to loose! Letting go, spring cleaning,  house keeping, call it what you may but it is a necessity that one is able to purify the body mind and soul as best one could. It is no big a deal if one simply desires to do so, take a good shower at least once a day, clean your butt real good after you defecate make sure to wash your hand even better after. This is basically the essence what the act of purification is. The rest are rituals that each and every religious faith has when it comes to spiritual purification. For five times a day the Muslim prays and for five times a day he washes himself accordingly, he performs what is called the Wudhu in Arabic, ablution in English.. If you wish to know better what it is try Google -Bard or Wikipedia. The cleansing of the soul is a whole lot more complex as the souls is enshrouded by some seventy odd years,{in my case} of accumulation of self ignorance and mental deformations; we most of us are lost souls seeking our way back home. 

   

 

Allowing myself to ramble on what matters today. -1

 

We as a Nation needs a Spiritual Awakening, this I believe being born and raised in this country among the best and the worse of  my fellow citizens of a multi - racial, multi-religious and multi-culture community. Not any form of religious awakening but one of a spiritual nature. After more that seventy years of observing and experiencing all walks of life within and outside of this country  I feel deep within me that that if we can transcend beyond our personal and national identities of who we think we are or conditioned to become who we believe ourselves to be, we can become the role model for the rest of humanity what living a Multi-Ethnic, religious and cultural i=of the possibility to coexist  despite our differences. There is no other choice if we are to excel as a nation or suffer the consequences of failing to pursue a strong spiritual connections among ourselves as Malaysians. This is not a Western or an Eastern thought or philosophy, this is pure common sense, this is the Art of a collective projection of humanity, the collective Spirit.

Every religion albeit Islam, Hinduism, Taoism, Buddhism, Christianity or the beliefs of the those of our brothers living in the forest and along rivers in this country, has some form of common believe in the effectiveness of our spiritual consciousness. Most religions  and faiths has some form or practice to raise this spiritual consciousness through prayers, meditations, zikr or chants, auto-suggestion, singing or drumbeating in order to awaken the spirit within us, we seek to become one, collective spirit, with one aim and one goal, to find Peace and Harmony. We can attain to this goals without loosing our personal identity, our religious faith or pride and dignity. We can achieve a formidable force that can change the course of our National history if we can harness this Art of Collective consciousness and its potential. Religions are the stepping stones that can lead the way for us and steps that can take us to the summit of the Mystic Mountain Human Consciousness, the Crown of Achievement for a multi-racial country; it is for us to make it happen or suffer that consequences like that of the May 13th. incident of1969, History has a way of repeating itself if allowed to do so.

Ignorance is bliss, some say,, but ignorance to the Buddha is the cause of human suffering or one them. it is wise to be awakened to what is going on in and around our selves, we are more that capable of doing so cause have it in us, it is inherent in our nature to seek what is right and discard the wrong, what is real and discard that which is not. It is inherent in our human nature to be sympathetic and compassionate towards others in their suffering, even a smile is more than can be asked. Assalamualaikum, Namaste, Hello! or even just the nod of the head as an acknowledgement of each other's presence; like the ants. If we cannot be forced to greet each other in the elevators at least I can ask you to treat each other as a threat of one kind or another. Greed, Hate and Ignorance are the three fatal illnesses that man is inflicted with and is in dire need of being exposed off for what they are. They are the virus cancer of the Soul of Humanity. Each and every faith and religions in this country of Malaysia has its 'skillful means' in dealing with these matters, 

  

I am rambling as usual when running out of things to do and stuff to chew on, in short when I feel the setting in of boredom in my mind. The News in and around the country has very little to offer in terms of safety, security and harmony ; we are slowly but surely sliding in to a Nuclear War, a war no one can walk out a victor. We are dancing with the devil of our own future and that of the Planet but do we care? Half of us on this planet are struggling to stay alive with some sort of pride and dignity while the other half are trying to squeeze every dime and penny from the Nation's coffer. Corruption is rampant or should I say was as the present ruling government is bound and determine to make it His Jihad in ruling the country. Corruption is the household word spoken ion any of the fifteen languages spoken in the country. Corruption has become a major weakness- a product of Greed, the first of the three illnesses the Buddha was talking about. If anything I cling on to out of the Teachings of Gautama, The Historical Buddha, is that inherent illnesses that humanity is inflicted with before he was even evolved and sent into this realm.. The Nirmanakaya of Shakyamuni Buddha, 

The Soul had made a covenant with Allah collectively to the profess of "Laillaaha illalah" No God or Gods only Allah, which 8in Arabic simply mean "The God." and that Muhammad is His Messenger the last of Messengers of the Religion of the Book, or the Religion of Abraham, Moses and the rest of the Prophets. The Quran is brought to earth so as to confirm and clarify the differences in the interpretations of the three religions, Judaism, Christianity and Islam. We all pray and worship the same One God and we also kill, pillage and plunder in the very same name. We, the people of the Book, are lost souls that has forgotten our true "Dharma position." With the lack of faith and understanding in the laws of Manu and Karma {The laws of cause and Effect} and its with its ramifications towards our daily life, we as a humanity has slowly eroded ourselves of the Right Understanding of Life itself while in this realm of the Nirmanakaya or realm of thought formations and physical manifestations of the Mind. Our very ignorance of who or what we truly are is leading us as a humanity towards a collective self destruction.    

I was born and raised for the first twelve years of my life as I keep saying in this Blog since its inception which is sometime in the year 2005 when in Terengganu. Hence my understanding of the teachings of Gautama is inherent within my psyche, my genetic makeup my subconscious mind, I faced religious bullying from other Muslim children at school when they found out that I was not like them, that I did not go to the mosque on Fridays. I grew up hanging out the Chinese boys in school and outside of we hung out at the Anson Road Buddhist Temple, I grew up familiar with the sights and smell of the Buddhist temples from a very early age. Hence I can say I have a little sense of familiarity when it comes to the Buddha's teachings especially after having spent two years of intensive Buddhist practice in the Bay Area of San Francisco and several retreats to the Bid Sur Zen Mountain Center of Tassajara in Carmel Valley Area, I had seen glimpses of the truths in the Buddha's Wisdom. I have turned anger and frustration and guilt and shame into wisdom and compassion, while in the process of getting to know who or what my Original Buddha Nature is, Sometimes I feel I know the answers in my heart of hearts, often times I keep slip sliding into the gutter to be swept away in ignorance and forgetfulness and I now tall myself this is fine and its alright to be ignorant every no9w and then, its being human; I am not God. I cease to exist when God is present. Insha'Allah, God willing.

I am like the flute of Krishna that entertained the  Gopis { women cattle herders} and the cattle herd, the flute was asked one day what makes it so important that the God Head would put it to His lips and blow his Divine breath through it. The Flute answered, "I am but a hollow reed and i and deeply honored that the breath of the Lord passes through me to entertain the Universe." Every man and child on this Planet are empty hollow reeds, we are the channels through which the Lord expresses Himself, The Love and devotion that the Gopis had for the Lord is called Bhakti. or Bhakti Yoga, the Yoga of Love and Devotion and Servitude. It is one of the four main branch of Yoga practices, the other three being Jnana Yoga or the Path of Knowledge and Wisdom, Karma Yoga, the Yoga of Action and The Raja Yoga or the meditational and contemplative practice of Yoga. In this day and age it would be a shame if not a sin to not take some interest into these ancient wisdoms and practices as a guide for one's own journey in this life. Not a soul is free from the bonds of Greed, Hate and Ignorance, hence they are the prime concern in our effort to understand who we truly are, what it is to be human and what it takes to become divine. It is with this realization that we can transcend the present predicament that we find ourselves in. 

Hanging out with Ben and Dave.

What did you do today Bahari? I hung out with Ben and Dave at the Hin Bus Depot, my two Australian Brothers. Ben has a shop at the Hin Bus Depot where he sells 400 year old ceramic wares salvaged from a Portuguese ship wreck off the coast of Dungun in Terengganu. The Portuguese vessel was sunk by the Dutch while on its way to Goa in India, It was carrying allot of Chinese ceramics aged to be 400 year old. Although most were shattered, there were also some that survived whole and complete, These ceramics fetch a fair price today even the broken pieces that were grinded to form rings and pendants for sale. Ben,{seated in the middle} was doing the filming of the retrieve of the treasures of the Wanli.

Dave was on his way from Pulau Kapas, in Marang Terengganu, to where ever in Tahiland where there is a beautiful beach and a good place to surf and dive. He had been living on Kapas Island for the past twelve years. Bena nd I visited Dave on Kapas sometime last year where we stayed for ten days just soaking up sea and sun. 

"The Portuguese Wanli shipwreck of 1625 was discovered six miles off the east coast of Malaysia after pottery appeared in fishermen’s nets in 1998. The ship was found six years later, loaded with blue and white antique Chinese porcelains belonging to the Ming Dynasty, the ruling dynasty of China from 1368 to 1644. The vessel became known as the Wanli shipwreck after the ceramic recovered was found to have been made in the town of Jingdezhen during the reign of Emperor Wanli (1573-1620).

Only a small part of the ship has been recovered intact; most of the hull was damaged and a large part of the cargo has been lost, seemingly destroyed by a huge explosion which is likely to have followed a battle between the Portuguese ship and a rival vessel, maybe Dutch. An archaeological reconstruction suggests that when the fire reached the ammunition store, the stern was literally torn off by the resulting explosion, and the remains sank to a depth of 40 meters. Much of the ceramic cargo was broken by the explosion but despite this more than 9,000 kilos of porcelain shards were recovered from the site. These bear witness to the forms, styles and types of decoration that were being traded in this period."

 

We sat and listened to live music being performed and one of the performers was from Thailand who played his three stringed ukulele which he made himself from a Jack fruit timber. For a homemade instrument it sounded great over the speakers.

The Hin Bus Depot is like a flea market where people just came to hangout and stare at others. It used to be a bus depot and when no longer in service the place was converted into a leisure space where one can buy and sell trinkets and curios. There is also a small art gallery where Ben and I along with a Nigerian artist had a three man show we called BWB or Black White and Brown.

. The hat that Ben Rongen brought back from Australia for me.

Of Death and Dying - 3

Upon death the deceased body is being washed and family and friends are invited to participate as token of last respect to the dear departed. It is part of the preparation for burial that the deceased is being given the final ablution. 

The deceased body is then accordingly dried with all the orifices plugged up with cotton balls to avoid the dripping of  blood and mucus before being wrapped in the burial shroud and laid in rest with only the face area exposed for any final viewing for late comers.

The deceased is then taken to the mosque where a special prayer for the dead is being performed before it is taken to the cemetery and finally laid in the ground. It is the Islamic way that the physical form is being disposed off soonest possible into the ground to be absorbed and dissolved so as to deprive the body identification of the ego-mind or soul state to its physical form. Hence the coffin is simply made and of the softest wood with the bottom part holding up the body is of fabric rather than wood and this fabric is cut through to drop the on to the earth as soon as the coffin is laid down. Earth is also placed into the coffin surrounding the body this is to allow for a speedy decay of the physical form as opposed to the manner in which the Christian or certain Chinese burial is carried out where the coffin is often made of hard wood and the inside cushioned. Islam does not permit cremation of the physical form upon decease.  

A short 'instructional prayer' or the 'Talkin' is being performed when the grave is fully prepared. The deceased is being informed of what to expect as soon as his life in the afterlife begins. The deceased is called by his true name three times and informed of the presence of two angels whole will question him of his faith while being alive on earth, like who is his God and what his religion is and so forth.

 The grave is watered with scented water and flowers as a final farewell to the deceased. This performed by family, relatives and close friends who so desires to do so. This is briefly what takes place when death occurs to a Muslim. 

"Ultimately, the question of whether or not consciousness survives after death is one that each individual must answer for themselves. There is no right or wrong answer, and there is no scientific evidence to prove or disprove the existence of an afterlife. However, the question is one that is worth pondering, as it has important implications for how we live our lives.  

The question of whether or not consciousness survives after death is ultimately a matter of faith".- Ref -Bard

ON Death and Dying - 2

 

Importance of Yasin 

Importance of Yasin 

The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, “Surely everything has a heart, and the heart of the Quran is Yaseen. I would love that it be in the heart of every person of my people.” (Tafsir-al- Sabuni Vol.2) This hadith tells us that Surah Yaseen is undoubtedly a special surah. Reciting any part of the Quran carries great benefit; every letter gives us ten rewards, then imagine the reward one gets for reciting the heart of the Quran.

If you happen to visit a Muslim friend or family member on his death bed the chances are that you will witness most of your fellow visitors reciting the above Surah from the Quran. This is the final gift of a Muslim towards the dead and dying sending the person off with the blessings that is inherent within the verse to accompany him/her on his way into the afterlife. Psychologically this would be the most genuine form of the final farewell a loved one would have to offer to the dead and dying as it allows the visitor a moment of deep reverent and focus on being aware of paying the last respect towards the would be dear departed. In essence it would be the most fortunate farewell departure gift from whoever has come to pay their last respect. I am sure each and every religion embraced by man has such similar ritual practice in one form or another. However in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition this rite is carried to a deeper level whereby a monk is invited to perform the rite of the 49 days of The Bardo state where the dead person is advised upon what to expect and how to accept the journey he is about to embark upon the as soon as he is pronounced dead. This is to allay the dead person from being lost in fear and confusion as soon as his soul leaves his body. The 'Lama' would recite the Bardo Todol while sitting close next to the departed ensuring that his/her consciousness is not too shaken from the death experience when unfamiliar events starts to occur around him, like the blazing white light as his consciousness is free from any form of hinderance of the mind.

As I am not well versed in the recitation of the verse from the Quran I simply whispered in the ears of the loved one dying the act of letting go of what is to be left behind and that being all the worldly attachments on has including thoughts of loved ones and regrets of not having lived life as much as one had expected. I also would make my final farewell conciliation with the dying thanking for all that he/she had shared with me and forgiveness for any wrong that has transpired between us while being alive. It is not an easy thing to accept the fact of our mortality and it can happen to us at any given moment rest assured, however we can impart words of Love and Compassion towards the dying so as to ease the way towards acceptance of the event that would end our life on this planet and perhaps provide an insight or two for those on the way. I also find gentle physical contact with the dying help to sooth and calm down the person whose moment has arrived.    

'On Death and Dying.'

 Yesterday I sat beside my cousin's bed as he laid there facing waiting for the Angel Israel to do his job, Mohamad Kalam is still alive when I left him and he is 79 years of age. All that is left of the man is skin and bones and I can feel this as I kept massaging his abdomen to ease his stomach pains from not eating or drinking for quite sometime now. His stomach was shrunk and i could feel the spinal column almost almost through whatever is left of his stomach muscles and his chest cavity was sunken like a bowl. This I felt was the pain and suffering that every man alive will have to face in his final hours of death and I have done this death watch over quite a few individuals in the past. I have watched the final moments of my elder brother's life as he laid on the hospital bed at the Intensive care Unit with tubes sticking in every crevices of his body fighting for the next breath of oxygen; he died of kidney failure. I sat witnessing an aunt gasping for air with every strenuous effort to stay alive until she gave in and her soul left her body. Earlier on the first of May in 1990 I had carried her husband's deceased body into their home after driving the van he was driving with his body laid in the back where someone had left him there after he had a stroke and collapsed by the vehicle where a passerby{s} had put him back into the van where I found him. It was not a nice sight as he had defecated himself from the massive stroke; he had adopted me since childhood till I was twelve where I was returned to my immediate. When one of my nephews died from a motorcycle accident I went to retrieve his body from the morgue along with his father who wiled out loud upon seeing his favorite youngest boy on the hospital slab and later spent many days over the death and dying process of the father himself. Later on I frequent the hospital visiting his older brother a drug addict who had overdosed himself till the day he too passed away in the most sorry state of a death mask I had ever seen, it was almost  scary...

One evening while driving home from my work place at the Petronas construction site in Gebeng, Pahang on the East Coast I had pulled out two bodies from a car that had just been involved in an accident with a truck loaded with cement. It was at dusk and darkness was gathering around me. The first body was of a young lady sitting in the back seat behind the driver. Her eyes were wide open as though in a shock but i knew she was dead but the driver in front of her was still alive pinned between the steering wheel and the back of his seat and he was bleeding from his mouth with fear written all over him. I managed to pull both bodies out of the car and laid them along the side of the road covering the dead girl with my 'sarong' and sat holding the driver and waited for help as few drove by and eventually one stopped to take the still alive driver to the nearest hospital which by then was nightfall. As the road was not a choice road for traffic there was hardly any vehicle that goes by and I left the site of the incident as soon as help arrived to remove the girl's body; talk about fear of being alone in the dark with a dead body by the side of a lonely road! I was barely able to eat for the next three days and the smell of death lingered with me. 

On another occasion as I was driving towards my jobsite at the Petronas Refinery Complex in Jerteh, Terengganu, I noticed a body lying on the road with a motorcycle laying on its side a few feet away. I stopped to ensure that passing vehicles would not run over the body as there was long line of vehicles that were headed for work on the early morning perhaps to the same construction site but none had stopped before me leaving the body sprawled by the road. I was working as Health and Safety Officer back  then and so I thought it was my duty to do so even if it had nothing to do with me.

I can say that I had few experiences in the past in facing death even if it was not of my own and it has made an impact on me perhaps in a positive way as I find that I can handle myself better than most when it comes to dealing with the dead and dying. It also taught me of the fragility and impermanence of the human form and how some people fear while others show respect for the deceased. I have been massaging my cousin Ahmad Kalam's body  for quite sometime ever since he had his bypass operation  a few years back and now that he is on his last lag his form has shrunken to a state where it was too delicate to handle. While caring for those in the process of dying one has the chance to reflect upon one's own feelings about illness and death and comes to learn to respect life and death For those who are interested in the process I would recommend reading the Tibetan Bok of the Dead or better known as the Bardo Todol, or Elizabeth Kubler - Ross's on Death and Dying.

May The Lord grant me a swift and dignified death.  

        

The Price of Mixed marriages.

 

We had visitors from Oregon, a mother and daughter and the mother is a long time friend who was a schoolmate while I was living in Kuala Terengganu on the East Coast of Malaysia. Bakyah is married to an American who is from Oregon and they have two children, Kakani and her younger brother Kai. They are visiting Penang ecause Kakani who is a Marine Biologist is attending her work related seminars here. I had visited the Young Family some years ago when I was living in San Francisco and Kakani was a young girl of twelve or so. My daughter and Kakani hit it off like old friends and I was happy to be be able to hang out and reflect our good old high school days with Bakyah.

The next day I took Bakyah for a tour of the City of Georgetown and one of the places we visited was the Burmese Buddhist Temple. Wat Buppharam, a Historical landmark in Georgetown. We talked about life and religion being married to White Americans and having lived and raised children in the West. Like me she too has to grapple with faith and cultural issues especially when dealing with our Muslim siblings relatives and friends in Malaysia. Whether overtly or in secrecy, we had faced frowns and rejections in how we had lived our lives counter to the Muslim Malays' code of conduct; we have become the fringe people, living on the periphery of the Malay Muslim society like outcasts. I still maintain that humanity would be better off if there be more intermarriage in this world. It is in the defend of pure blood lines that has caused much discord and narrowmindedness in society. Nowhere in the world is the Malays more Malays, the Chinese more Chinese and Indians more Indians in their self projection than in Malaysia.  

  

Having being adopted by my uncle and raised as a Buddhist for the first twelve years of my life before I was converted to Islam, I, unlike most Malay Muslims have no qualms about visiting Buddhist temples or any other houses of worship albeit Hindu or Christian churches. Most Muslims will hesitate to step into a temple especially where there are idols and altars. When it comes to spirituality I find the Muslims to be the most paranoid if not ignorant in respecting other faiths and cultures. One rarely see Malay Muslims visiting temples and churches even if out of sheer curiosity much less to understand what it is all about. I see this as a lack of faith in one's own, I believe a true Muslim or Christian, Hindu or Buddhist would dare walk into hell and back by virtue of the strong and true faith in who they are.

   

Despite being a multi-ethnic and and religious society for the last one hundred odd year, Malaysians are still at loggerheads when it comes to the subject of faith and culture. Today religion has become a tool of contention in the governing of the country. Islam is the National religion of the country according to the constitution, however the existence of other faiths has become a political target when all else fail. Islam is being used as a political tool by the predominantly Muslim political party that is vying to gain control and run the government. Being viewed internationally Malaysia as one of the most corrupted nation on earth, those arrested or being put on trial for corruption in this country are Muslim Malay leaders and government officials. It is an irony and yet it is a fact well documented but less acknowledged by the Malay Muslims themselves. 

I have vowed never to write about politics in my Blogging as it is too messy and often outrageous in this country, however I cannot help but feel it to be wrong to involve religion with politics, it is a recipe for disaster and it is happening here just as everywhere else in the world. Most would hurl blame upon the religions instead of those who profess to lead the masses, the Imams, the Priests and Monks. Each claiming theirs is the right Path to Salvation and most are willing to defend their claims to the death and often at the expense of the civil society or well being of the nation as a whole. Rarely do i see a celebration of true multiplicity of Race and Culture without a hint of doubt and suspicion among the believers. As it is said, 'The devil is in the details,' yet very few would attempt or even dare to venture beyond in understanding another's faith but many would shun this effort even if it means saving the well being of the nation as a whole especially one that has such diversity of faith and beliefs.