What's reality to me?-3

To fully comprehend reality I will have to understand the theory of relativity and the workings of the mind in relation to the external stimulus, my environment, those around me and the how they affect me in my choices and perceptions. I will have to come to a good understanding of what it is that i am looking at and looking for; who and what am I as the ultimate goal. Perhaps with having a glimpse of my 'Buddha nature, or attainment of "Fana'" (a state of formlessness) as in Islam ,will bring an enlightenment towards seeing what reality truly is, till then your guess is as good as mine..
I am feeling my old age creeping into my bones and my nerves and i can feel the tiredness challenging my will to be active and keep on rambling as i am doing with thoughts and ideas i hardly have a complete understanding of, I am slowing down, I am finding it harder to stay on top of what is going on around me with all my relationships with others, to keep them positive and healthy. But I am finding the truth about who or what that really and truly matters in my life and that is I can only look unto myself for my own salvation, my own liberation from this circle of life death and rebirth. (This is partly the Buddhist in me speaking.) This was foretold by the great masters of old but it is still a difficult pill to swallow, I am still leaning on the crutches for support.I asked what would Jesus do..and the answer is still to walk away from the present and seek that which is real, that which is lasting and original. And I ask The Prophet of Allah what he would do and the same answer, Hijrah, when you feel discontented in your mind and spirit with where you are at seek a new venue, a new place, a new beginning.  Where, How? When? That has been the ongoing quest from the day I had decided to embark upon my spiritual journey, my journey of self discovery.
To unravel the mysteries I have to untangle the tangles free my mind from all delusive thoughts and ignorance and to do this I have to remove myself from my present state of being dependent upon others and the environment that is not conducive towards attaining the silence that is required, I need to find that space again where peace of mind is possible; where truth is revealed in silence..
Reality is relative to the one beholding, the circumstances of his being, the state of mind he is and the planes or levels at which he is projecting from in his psycho-spiritual evolution.Reality is as illusive as the search for your-self. How can i understand what is reality when I have not realized my true nature? The answer is, back to the drawing board and start where you left off, seek and seek for the truth in everything and every move that you make, every thought and every phenomena that you encounter, if you cannot do this than meditate and seek the silence that will allow for a glimpse of the truth when you mind is quiet; even if a quiet mind is almost impossible to achieve in this days and age. Failing to this than you better pray for your salvation and trust that God or whoever that you worship will come to your aid in putting it all together for you when your journey comes to an end. What is the sense of living if you have no idea of why you were alive in the first place.
While you are busy doing all these remember your Bodhisatva Vows, that beings are numberless and you vow to awaken with them, you will become their guides their friend their lover and you will become their Guru and teacher helping each and every soul to move forward towards the Light of Enlightenment, towards the heavens and towards being free from the bonds of ignorance.When the Buddha was enlightened He uttered that the Universe id enlightened with Him and he went on to teach the Way of Liberation from suffering. The Gods are not suffering, you are, so unto yourself find the Way.