Three days at the farm.

Arrived at the Organic farm Thursday morning after driving through the night from Georgetown to Belantik, in Sik, Kedah where I had been frequenting for the past few months making it my retreat and practice or some where where i can sweat it out while at the same time performing my service to the land and the people at the SRI Lovely Organic FARM. .Through Lee Khai's sponsorship, I decided that that best thing for me then was to walk away from here and find my center again. Work out some real sweat and quiet the mind through the night while sitting in Zazen in my "danau', or hut amidst green rice fields and tall Meranti and Chengal trees ancient and proud against the blues morning skies: i need to retreat, re- treat myself..
I learned that my son Timo is working on a mural for the upstairs wall where we had initially wanted to work on- Proud! What else could i ask for? He leaves behind his first project as an artist and I think he is going to be be good at it, not because i am his father but as an artist for what ever i am worth, i think he is going to be better than his dad. Karim quits his job this evening as soon as he came to work at the Sungai Pinang Food Court, I was sitting with his uncle Rahim who hired him to flip burgers, in my mind I said "about time boy! Now you got balls!" Every now and then we have to grow up, look at your father it seems like he will never get there, he still thinks he is a kid.
I am reading Karim's first novel;l that he bought and paid for with the intention to read it, i hope he does but i see it sitting like a virgin on top of the humidifier by his bed so i decided i will read it first and save him the agony by telling him what it is all about , maybe. I need something to read while at the farm, to keep the balance between what is ireal and what is fiction. If one thing they will talk about when I am gone it is the fact that they will never see me without a novel in my hand. I had just finished Eric Van Lastbader's based on  Robert Ludlum's character of Jason Bourne, can't remember the title right this moment but it was very much a Jason Bourne saga only his style. I asked myself if it is right to allow my mind to wander into so many spaces and dimensions all at once and still pursue the art of being in silence and the her and now, yada, yada., most skeptics would rightfully agree is not very Zen. Then there is this 'Blogging". Sharing my moments in space and time doing my thing call , "just Living'. Whats the use of being there if cannot recall you were there? While listening to Enya and Enigma (Collection) on YouTube.
It is raining on the streets outside while downstairs the dish washing crew is raising all hell with pots and pants from the day's catering business. Most of them are my nephews and nieces and grand ones too. Sometimes hard to tell if their yelling and screaming is more irritating or the pots and pants, but most of time I am happy to be back with them and sharing them with the world, more or less. While i was on my way back my cousin and his wife flagged me down and we made a U turn and headed back to the farm, they had driven all the way to surprise me and had i missed them they would never find their way to the SRI LOVELY Organic farm. The power of faith, the mind? Whatever the power that be, sometimes it is short of a miracle how small things seem to just happen by a very long shot call it the work of the universal subconscious, providence? I believe in miracles, i believe that sometimes if we allow them to , miracles can happen more often in our lives. Don't have any expectations,. just be there when it happens and realize that it has and celebrate it. (Quietly to yourself and if choose say AlhamdullilAH! Thank You Lord for Thy Grace.I f you are an atheist well just say shit happens! It is some cosmic tuning of waves and strings that connects us in times of need, like a telephone, only mine was not functioning at the time due to lack of lines. Otherwise it would not have been so much of a miracle. I found myself telling myself that i should tell them how actually happy i was inside at seeing them and taking them back the way I had come  which was about five kilometers away from the farm, they will never find their way into the foot hills village area of Lintang, no way!
It is perhaps boring to read an autobiography of a person written in the form of a diary of putting to practice the Dharma, the Way, the Journey towards the Lord of Power as in his works Ibni Arabi wrote. It is a long walk not unlike the Green Mile only I hope to activate the state of Awakened Spirit walking instead of "Dead Man Walking.' The movie shook my up where human cruelty and the power of healing was depicted even if it is just a movie a work of fiction at its best, the result of a collective mind of artists and movie makers; a Master Piece. I seek the human spirit within me in order that i will never commit another wrong against my fellow man nor will I violate the precepts of the ancient teachings, well I will try my best at least. I am still human and my back hurts bad and I think I have got some kind of arthritis in my left arm from shoulders down and it hurts like hell. at night when it gets cold. Then again, i managed to cut the grass at the farm and raked the leaves sweating three or four times a day, it felt like I was alive again and at night getting deeper touch with my physical self through meditations and breathing exercises  I came very close to awakening my  inner energy my  Chi, or Ki or my Kudalini at least that was what it felt like in the dead of the night as I sat and invoked the name of my Lord and His hosts of Angels and the Buddha and His hosts of Buddhas to protect me and to allow for me to lett mind mind play out some of its deep rooted Karmas while outside the hut was the sound of the forest. My Indonesian friend Shawal and i were the only two people there for the three nights i spent at the place.
And what have I learned from this brief experience looking out, looking in the life and the world around me and that which arises within me and see the moments of connections with people and with the land. I learned that I have nothing to hide, this who I am and as I make this entry let it be my testimony to my road to salvation, my liberation my awakening, short of his, I insult the Buddhas, in the ten directions, past, present and future.I am The Cheeseburger Buddha, the Buddha of confusion.I seek to find the balance that the Buddha Shakyamuni points at, the Middle Path.I am Ram Dass, Krishnamurti, Alant Watts, Eckhart Tolle, Swami Sri Ramana Mahrshi, Sri Neem Karoli Baba, Parammahamso Mahesh Yogi, and all my Gurus of the past present and future. In their name I seek to find that which is the meaning of enlightenment and ultimate liberation from this realm of Samsara; my lower back is killing me.
Bringing together the various pieces of a splintered soul is my journey of healing myself and every now and then I remind myself of this so as to realize why I am doing what I am doing and how I intend to doing it I also came to a realization that Death is the only definable truth and for me the thorough understanding of the nature of death itself is another primary focus, something that I am constant in touch with as my Guru of Gurus, I promise to learn everything there is to learn about my physical body and put every effort to the last breath of my life in doing what I am doing until I and Death becomes one. I do not say this without fear in me and nor am I trying to say more than I know but suffice to say if I can write about my intentions I am sure as hell meant what i am saying; end of justifying. As my heart beats to the rhythm of the music i am listening to i am fulfilling m intentions, you who read is my witness. .What else is there to do but what is right before me and despite the physical discomforts enjoy doing it for the sake of making it happen, this is the Zen Way...if you ask me...Don't ask me what is Zen.
Out my window, they are laughing and yelling and screaming while getting the dishes done ten people or more including a few Bangladeshis out to make an extra buck.My children are all working. The Naz must be out flying somewhere  out of Dubai, Timo painting the mural, Karim flipping burger and Marissa waitress.at Gala.and should look into running some laundries.What more could a  man ask for? and this too will pass...However it has been fun while it lasted Now back to nothing doing till something happens,and the fasting month approaches.and Karim has graduated from flipping burgers to working at Gala House taking Marissa's place when she leaves for school in Cyberjaya.