My nature of reality.-1

Whats is reality to me? A tough question that has take this entire years of 'Blogging' to explain and yet getting nowhere near the answer perhaps moving steadily away from the epic center like the ever expanding universe, the spiraling of life in space and time. What is reality to my children? Perhaps they too are grappling with this question in their own ways as they depart from the eye and set their own course riding the hurricane just like the rest of us on this planet. What is reality to you? How do you see the world, this so called life that we together live? Those who have found the truth to the answer, Blessed are they, perhaps they have found God.
I have been living on the edge, the periphery on the outskirts of life having drifted away from my center for over sixty years now and I feel like i am riding a cosmic storm, drifting among the debris in space.I have yet to come to rest upon the outer limits of space and time, where I understand lies rest and peace in an ever expanding lake of consciousness, floating like the Lord Vishnu in repose.No, I am still trapped in this realm of the Nirmanakaya, that realm where life is suffering and to attain liberation is to be free from suffering.
So, what is the nature of reality to me? How am I coping with change and impermanence how am I accepting old age sickness and the eventual death? It is scary and not so pleasant a feeling when i think of it and I am finding myself thinking about it more and more lately, not healthy i keep telling myself, the whole idea is to stop thoughts from taking charge or in control, not the other way round. A wise man in China once said, Physical pain is a sin; this is the sin of old age and the dissipation of energy, running out of juice, grinding gradually to a halt; the body goes through tremendous amount of pain just to get out of bed...this perhaps is my physical reality at the present moment in time and space; what reality is in the physical sense of my being. Why did lao Tzu say the Pain is a sin? A tooth ache can lead to an ache of murder, the inability to catch the next breath can make a man worship the first image the comes to mind, God, Allah, Krishna, Shiva, Buddha, you name it...pain is fear and man worship mostly out of fear. Blessed ore those who have learned to take pain and enjoy it for they can take a bullet in the head without blinking an eye; they make the best assassins.

What is Reality? I just learned yesterday evening from one of my closest friend that his son's body was fished out of the sea at the end of the dock off Jelutong, he had somehow fallen and drowned.The irony of life I can feel him suffering inside and yet relieved, his son's life has not been a happy one to say the least, he was a drug addict. My friend blames it all on himself and i felt his pain having failed as a father to his son. This is yet another reality on my show, it is the on the mental level of psycho-emotional kind. My relationship with the rest of .those close to me has been healthy as I am still projecting my thoughts ahead of me creating things that are there and missing the events that are important around me. I am spiraling on a free fall or so it seems being buffeted left and right in the winds of change and running into other debris in collision courses. I have learned that for so long as I am breathing in and out I am subjected to every phenomenon that is manifesting around me and i also have learned at on time or another that this can be put to an end by detachment Walk away, let it slide, go with the flow, pick the lotus without wetting the fingers, detached involvement, yad! yada! My heart still aches with pains shooting to every extremes of my body; I may have cancer of one kid or another or it might all be just in my head. This is yet another form of reality that I have created for myself over the years, worrying about the rest of humanity beginning with my own self and then my children and then my brothers and sisters and the rest of humanity: how silly of me!
I do not mean to imply that I am carrying the cross on my back for the rest of my brothers and sister nephews and nieces or my comrades on the street and in coffee shops, no i am merely trying to justify way way through the day and not let it end without any positive act despite all the negative vibes that is vibrating around me, so i decide to write it all down just like many of us who has the need to air it all out let it all go and empty the trash bin. I could be sitting with my thumb up my S and wallow in resignation and pointless self pity or chastisement but nope, i choose to allow my mind to express all that it needs to and at the same time try to understand where I am in reality; and this too shall pass..