The International Conference for Gaza - Jordan

 Urgent Humanitarian Response in Gaza - The International Conference on Gaza in Jordan.

A the moment everyone is out to lunch so I take this break to express my two cents worth of what I feel of the conference that had several countries expressed their pledge towards the restoring of Peace in Palestine and how to save more lives from the killing fields in Gaza. Thus far nothing new has been expressed that would make much difference to the fate of the people of Palestine especially the children and women of Gaza. Everyone of these countries are willing to pour all the financial assistance and aids in all shapes and forms towards the plight of the Palestinians. This included the European, Iraq, Spain, Morocco, Slovenia, Rwanda and a few others including Indonesia which really made any genuine gesture including the taking in of children and those who are in need of medical attention to Indonesia to be healed and returned to Palestine when they are healed and the crisis has ended. Perhaps i am being very pessimistic over the whole conference as I do not see how anything can be carried out until Israel and the United Sates says otherwise. However this is the game of chess at its final and critical stages and the only way for anything to happen if and when there is a willingness for the United Nations is ready to call for a Peace Keeping Force in Palestine. I am positive there will be more than enough member states of of the UN willing to volunteer their arm forces to carry out this responsibility like they did in the Serbian conflict, Somalia and the Congo in the past.

The UN Security Council will be a hurdle to this action if it were to be tabled, it is now the time to take this self serving members of the Security Council to task even it means to bypass any off their involvement; let these so called major world powers hackle among themselves and keep their armies from being called upon unless they volunteer their services. One of the causes of this conflict  being prolonged is because of the Security Council finger pointing and foot dragging self serving attitude towards not being committed to world peace. This is the ego driven manifestation of the dark side of human nature influence deeply by a collective sense of greed, hate and ignorance, the three illnesses that had plagued humanity since man learned how to walk. In the Biblical narrative Caine slayed his brother with the jaw bone of an ass making it the first known murder out of hatred and envy and ever since humanity has been in conflict in one form or another over one reason or another. If we don't have anyone or anything to be in conflict with we will keep on creating one like Star Wars, Aliens and unseen villains from the dark side. From the trend of things it looks like it is not getting any better as we get into the future and possibly till we end ourselves in a Nuclear holocaust and then really there will be no one left to blame or be in conflict with anymore. 

Again I am reminded of the Prophet of Allah {awj} warning of the jihad that is to be won within me. The battle that is ragging in my heart of freeing my soul from the darkness that i have accumulated over time like layers of veils hiding the Divine light, the essence of my beingness, of who I am. In the Buddhist narrative this is the karmic accumulation I have incurred through mindless transgressions or my sins to put it in the Muslim perspective. The Devine spark that Allah has endowed me with when i was created before i was conceived by my parents, the light that generates the energy to keep the motor running while I am still alive buried deep within the layers of defilements so much so that the light is hidden within the heart turning it into a black coal which can only be retrieve when burned by the hottest flames of hell fire in order to expose it again into the pure light of Divine Consciousness; it is like polishing the coal to retrieve the diamond within, this is the Jihad. I know I am running out of time for the task but ever since i woke up from sleep and realized the state of my corrupted heedless mind this has been the focus of my attention, to do my utmost to liberate my soul. I believe in the fact that Allah {awj} is oft forgiving and most merciful and in this I place my faith. This is in essence is karma yoga as the Hindu of the Vedic tradition imparts to those who seek for the liberation from this life of maya or illusion. Like a drop of water seeking its way to the ocean I have traversed through all manner of distractions and tribulations like a cork floating down the river from the wilderness of the mountains being wafted here and there sometimes stuck in between rocks and weeds and sometimes floating freely and effortlessly carried along by the flow of the stream and rivers headed towards the final destination of the ocean of consciousness; the Throne of Allah {awj}, The Arsh.

Al-ʽArsh (Arabic: العرش, romanized: Al-ʿArsh, lit. 'The Throne') is the throne of God in Islamic theology. It is believed to be the largest of all the creations of God.^[1][2]

Surely your Lord is Allah Who created the heavens and the earth in six Days, then subjugated the Throne, conducting every affair. None can intercede except by His permission. That is Allah—your Lord, so worship Him ˹alone˺. Will you not then be mindful?— Surah Yunus 10:3

Whatever the outcome of the International conference on Gaza sponsored by King Abdullah of the Kingdom of Jordan may be it is yet another victory for Hamas when they dared to shake Israel by the tail, it has woken up the whole world into an uproar to the inhuman act of aggression by man to his fellow man, not only in Gaza but the whole regions of conflicts that is taking place all over the planet today. Only the spiritually blind and the walking dead will fail to feel the need for a spiritual awakening and combat these illnesses that has befallen humanity causing sorrow and untold suffering to young and old. What is the sense of being the mightiest of empire in the world, or the richest man when your subjects are in dire need for peace and harmony just to make it through the day. As each and every man has to reclaim his pride and dignity to called a civilized man so does the humanity at large; we have lost our souls in the pursuit of material wealth and power and lost our sense of connectivity to our fellow brothers and sisters and not the mention our children through being too busy in keeping up with the Jones. What legacy if we have any is worth relinquishing to the future generation other than the bleak history that we are in the making. Mankind today has his hand drenched in the blood of the women and children and not only in Palestine but the entire conflict riffed regions of our sad  sick world.    

   

Oh what a world we are living in!

 

These days just browsing the YouTube videos and podcasts titles makes me want to have a lobotomy so as to empty my mind from all these views and interviews being expressed for and against one thing or another. The paradox of the Internet the pros and cons of having too much knowledge exposed at one's fingertips at the end of the day all one finds is that it all amounts to battles of the All Mighty ego one out doing another at the cost human lives and the very existence of humanity itself. As the world is becoming embroiled into deeper and deeper shit we begin to see how what we proudly call our civilized world become unhinged and shatter at every corner like a house of cards. It is like we are waiting for the final countdown while watching ourselves being taken for a ride high and low by the powers that be. The only peace to be found or so it seems is in ignorance, where ignorance is bliss. Ironically most spiritual teachings stresses the ability to remain in complete abstinence from being sucked into the external physical realm of existence and it is also stressed that what is out there is not real, it is all an illusion, mind created and manifested falsehood that is set to mislead or led astray our own inner peace and tranquility.

It is and has never been easy to achieve this state of silence and being removed from the entanglement of social life or what is out there. It is like trying to escape a whirlwind of your own making and not get hit by a flying debris, forced to find a hole somewhere safe while anchored to the ground. However, every now and then when one is able to find the solace and peace within through practice or simply discovering a soft comfort zone to lay the mind down for a brief respite one discovers that it is all part and parcel of what is called life. The ebbs and flow of life is inherent in all as we float down this river towards the ocean of consciousness and merge completely with the Whole or the One. Some say that we are Gods in human form and at the end of our journey we claim our rights as Gods incarnate if and when we have a thorough realization  of who we truly are otherwise we keep on evolving until we attain to this  the Divine Nature, our Real Self and Buddhism take it a step further by discarding this Self and becoming One with the the Eternal Being or the Void or the Emptiness or Cosmos whatever your understanding of it to be. In Islam it is said that only Allah Azza wa Jalla,{awj} truly exist and others are but His creation and manifestations from the microcosmic to the macro parts and particles of this Universe to accept otherwise is Kufr or blasphemous. Hence I really do not exist except as a temporary vehicle of God's manifestation and when all is said and done I exit this life to return to Him to Whom I truly belong like a drop of water returning to the ocean. Innalillahi wainna lillahi rajiun! From Him I came to Him I return, Insha'Allah. 

What does Azza wa jalla means.

The word ‘Azza’ is derived from ‘Izzah’, which means might and power and the word ‘Jalla’ is derived from Al-Jalaal, which means greatness and reverence. Therefore, the term Azza wa Jalla is an attribute of Allaah which means that He is the Owner of Greatness and Reverence and that He is The Most Strong Who is never defeated.

Allaah Knows best.  - from, islamweb.net

The impermanence of life is accepted by the Muslim as one of God's gift to man to remind him to make the best of our allowed time here in this physical life and to keep as a reminder that all of us will end this life and return to our original source where we came from and be judged of our performance while being alive whether we have fulfilled our obligations as Muslims towards That which have created this  Universe and all that is for our benefit. It is like the graduation commencement from this school of life. It is also to for the reflection of the legacy that we would leave behind us for the next generation. The impermanence of life also helps to keep us from being overly zealous in pursuing what is not permanent such as fame and fortune through greed and self aggrandizement to be frugal and charitable in our dealings with thee rest of humanity. Death is to be accepted as a matter of course and to be a lesson and a reminder of our fragility such that we do not become arrogant in our demeanor and behavior towards our fellow man, that we may escape the laws of man but not the laws of the Creator of man. This much I have my faith in having lived this life for the past 75 years having tasted the best and worst that it has to offer and I am still unprepared to face my Lord to face His final evaluation of my brief stay on this plane of existence.   

 

 

   I shit green pea every time I think of Judgement Day! No shit! I also look forward to it with the yearning to know and understand , what it was all about; this! Life!

  

"Shine on You Crazy Diomond...!"

 My hernia wound is healing up well except for the swelling around the general area which according to Ben Ronjen , it is natural and will be gone in time. Ben should know he was once a registered nurse in Australia and he just had his hernia problem taken care not too long ago at the same Lam Wa Ee hospital. Yesterday evening i had hung out with Ben, Erik from New Zealand and a new guy Richard from South Africa close by at his shop at the Hin Bus Depot, it was then that I showed Ben my 'War' wound for  free medical update. For those of my readers who are not familiar with the names and places i am talking about, we live in and age where its all at the fingertips, google has it covered. If you are a believer in the fact that Devil is in the details it might be of benefit to you if your are planning on travelling along this way for no special reason, come hang out with us when you come by Georgetown, Penang. We have one rule to abide by and that is 'Racism is not Tolerated,' in any form, shape or sizes and in any slurs and snipes or simply sharing a thought or an idea. Just my thoughts which would later include the wearing of 'Debonair Hats', as a collective image, will make pipe smoking as another possibility in the later time, but for now this is it. In the meantime suffice it is with the one rule that should cover all possible animosity being ignite among gentlemen out to simply have fun at the end of their days. So all are welcome foreign and locals alike: Welcome to the Lazy Man's Club.

What is the pain of my hernia operation compared to the suffering of injured, hungry and dead children in Gaza?! Being put under while the doctor worked on putting back my intestine into place where it should be was short of a miracle of Anesthesia and I cannot imagine what it must be like to have your arm or leg amputated without this procedure. I have a five-six inch wound line in the lower side of my abdomen and how it came to be and what was done when my belly was cut open I will never know, I can only imagine, and thank God I did not have the opportunity to feel while it all happened. It is however a reminder for me of what suffering of physical pain must be like for those in the wake of conflicts and wars. After having spent three and half years of boning meat on a meat packing line at Green Bay and later in Milwaukee, Wisconsin I thought that i would have been immune to the sight of blood, not really. The slaughtering of cattle during the time Korban on the day of Aidil  Azhar or as the Malay calls it Hari Raya Haji still makes me feel squeamish, and witnessing the actual slaughtering itself upsets my stomach. However it also highlights my hypocrisy about enjoying a beef soup or 'sup tulang' every now and then... its highly doubtful that i can ever become a vegetarian. In the past few years ever since I took up making breakfast, lunch and dinner for my two adult kids and I, I have been trying to get them to eat more vegies like it or not. 

Faith and spirituality is a very personal journey that a man has to undertake and none can approve or disprove  as it is a matter between one and one's Lord and Creator. We are all trying to get to the same gate at the end of our days and how we get there or which gate we end up at is what life is all about; it's all about choices. Religions are the instructional manual to keep us on the right path which ever path we chose. It must be the age! I am poking out words and ideas like there is no tomorrow, like i am some Mystic from the Kailash Mountain in the Himalayas. I better quit while i still can find my way home. 

Let's listen to Pink Floyd before we take a break or nap, "Wish You Were here!"  

Roger Waters have gone far out on a limb for the plight of Palestine, I raise my cap to him. This is Art for humanity's sake, this is screaming out your vengeance and frustrations through the creative medium.    

Life is but a College and I am a student dancing with my shadow.

 "If you could read my mind Girl!" This Gordon Lightfoot song is forever stashed in my record stack of my mental juke box among others that I have grown up with. The song "Pussy Willows Cattails and Roses," is still one of my favorite song to play on the guitar and sing to. "The Legend of Edmund Fitzgerald, " is another of Gordon Lightfoot's song that i have tried to memorize but its too long although it held a memory for me having lived in Wisconsin for eight years. When I first heard the song I knew it is one of those songs I have to be able to sing to myself every now and then when I miss the life in  Green Bay, Wisconsin that sits on Lake Michigan. 

I learned to play the guitar by learning to play the song, "House of the Rising Sun." a song by the Animals a British Group.

"The House of the Rising Sun" is a traditional folk song, sometimes called "Rising Sun Blues". It tells of a person's life gone wrong in the city of New Orleans. Many versions also urge a sibling or parents and children to avoid the same fate. The most successful commercial version, recorded in 1964 by the British rock band the Animals, was a number one hit on the UK Singles Chart and in the US and Canada.^[1] As a traditional folk song recorded by an electric rock band, it has been described as the "first folk rock hit".^[2][3]

The song was first collected in Appalachia in the 1930s, but probably has its roots in traditional English folk song. It is listed as number 6393 in the Roud Folk Song Index."

The song was taught to by an English Aircraft Engineer by the name of John Rankine. We were employed by the Bristow Helicopters that was in service for the ESSO - Continental Oil Exploration off the coast of Terengganu. I was a radio operator. This was my second job after i had fished with my school life, the first job was working as an assistant  to a Medical Research Institute {IMR}  doctor who was an American. I was fortunate to have had the opportunity to work with the Westerners where i had a firsthand lesson in racism and bigotry, how the west viewed the east. I also had the opportunity to meet  a few westerners who pointed me the direction to take with my attitude, some good others I accept as life's rough and rocky roads I needed to tread to get to where i needed to go. By this tie my dream of a higher scholarship education was laid to rest and my twin brother occupied that space for me. My twin brother did allot better than me in school and deserves to take the high road, he got to go to college while started out on the road to find out. On looking back now I am beginning to realize more and more to the fact Allah was and had always been watching over me even though I had challenged Him when I was thirteen, out of sheer anger and frustrations i had raised my fist at Him  in the dead of the night while sitting on the steps of my home crying in pain and shame and no one to turn to. I was young then but now i can see where life had led me and how many times in my life that i should have been, could and would have suffered a whole lot serious problem had I no guardian angel that often catches me or give a nudge on my shoulder to shift me a fraction of an inch from creating a disaster to myself and those around me. Perhaps it is just another story I keep telling myself again and again over time I start to believe in it. I had transgressed in the worst of ways that dark night of my soul and I full am willing to face the retribution from Him who I have surrendered to my heart and soul to and that I have never doubt that sooner or later i will i will return to Him. I felt this every time I heard the Azan on the radio when I was a child, it touches my heart and i felt that God is near and he is Great. It was not an easy life growing up in Terengganu either especially when you extra load of religious and racial issues to deal with being born and raised a Buddhist?! With a name like Nanda Sena?

When was the last you listened to Fleetwood Mac? or The Animals, or War? It is in listening to music that and the reading of Novels and comic books that had brought me here that and the thirst for life, the pride and passion of living to the fullest knowing that God is on your side and you are His prodigal child. This I have faith in that Allah Aza wa jalla, is One and only Lord of Creation and there is none but He. Call Him by what name you are most familiar with according to your faith. I keep justifying this again and again so as to remove all doubts and questions and then again my ego still pretty much run the show where life is concern. The Jihad that The Prophet of Allah had warned about takes place within each and every one of us; our nafs or ego is our adversary that needs to be made fully understood and brought into submission by the soul, You. How do you loose your shadow while you are still alive? For so long as you are in the light or the light shines upon you, you have a shadow. There is no light without its accompanying darkness, to be aware of this fact about one is to have a better understanding of human nature, yours and mine. The Cosmic Symbol of the Yin and Yang in Taoist myth and magic is like two tadpoles black and white encircling one another in a perfect hug and in the center of each form is a dot, white on black and vice-versa. This is the seed of potentialities that is inherent within both opposites that within good itself is contained the seed of evil and within evil is the seed for good. Man is given 'free will' to make the choices he makes and bear the consequences or rewards of every action he chose at every moment in his life and this is roughly what karma is all about in Buddhism. The Lord also graced us with wisdom and intelligence that we make the right choices unless we chose not to heed the warning of all the Prophets and Saints, Rishis, life itself is a college and I am but a student dancing with my ego.

 

  

Runnning to the Mountains is becoming a Cliche - ONe just have to face it.

 My relationship with my friends is slowly thinning out and not by any negative conscious feelings about it but just a passing observation as I see or visit less and am easily turned away if i feel the toxicity of being in the same group of people for a long period of time; we are just playing the game like nothing ever changes and we are all seemingly perfecting our own game before we exit the stage. In moments like this one is reminded the emptiness of impermanence, one of the main causes of suffering. As i stopped by the Selera Wawasan Restaurant located on the corner of Jalan Sungai, what used to be called River Road for lack of better name and Sungai Pinang Road, the Yellow House. It was my grandmother's house handed down to my auntie, Mak Timah Bidan{midwife}and now it has been a catering and restaurant run by one of my cousins and his children. This will lead to yet another toxic story if i keep at it, so I will bear witness and let it play itself out. It is not my concern who is the rightful inheritor to the house which is still up and hanging, I was once accused of trying to make claim to the house by my cousin who is a week older than me, whose mother's milk I shared with him to have stayed alive and this my late Auntie told me herself among other sobering stories of my being brought into this world alongside my twin brother. I had attended the weddings of all his children except the last and my favorite one and i could not find the true reason why and do no care dwell on this toxic issue. But i have to keep visiting the house to pay my respect to my cousin sister and see how she is doing. Islam professes 'Silatur Rahim' or the blood ties between Muslims family and friends whereby one do the best to keep the family ties between siblings and their children and between relatives and friends who enjoy being in your presence and they in yours, the brotherhood of the Muslim Ummah encompasses from the microcosm to the macrocosm of humanity; All men are brothers in the eyes of the Lord as all women are sisters in Islam. For this i have tried my best to carry out perhaps as a penance to not having made any contact with my home and family all those years i had lived in the United States; burning my bridges behind me, cutting off all my past so to speak.

I learned the art of letting go at a very young age and not consciously most of the time and in anger half the time. There are a few in my life I would still like to reach out and touch base, catch up and spin stories of the past and to have faith in the future; Insha'Allah! Life is mostly about having strong and genuine relationship with your fellow humans and it need not be in numbers but it should be in quality. Someone who would go that extra mile for you and vice versa. someone whose honesty you never doubted. someone who keeps reminding you of who you truly are and that life is worth living. this kind of someone you want to keep till the end. Islam encourages to start with your siblings but it is not the case often times, then your relatives and then your friends, however friends are most often the ones the ends up being your soulmate, closest to you. I learned my lesson that no man is an island when I was living by myself during my college years in Wisconsin and later three years in Sendai, Japan.

Your other choice is to run to the hills, find a mountain and sneak into a cave and meditate on what it is all about make it your last bucket wish... What else is there to do when you come to realize that it is all an illusion and meaningless, wealth and poverty, pain and pleasure, right and wrong, it is all a sickness of the mind... son't take my word for it, the Buddha said it too.

  

The Most Challenging Education is to Uneducate Yourself.

 I have come to realize that I am living the life of a schizoid as there are, it seems, two distinct sides to who I am, how i think, and how I act, it seems to be governed by these two personalities. One of them thinks and dreams in English, and the other does it in Malay. My western nature seeks the fulfillment of the physical and material realm to the fullest, while the Muslim me keeps me in check from drifting too far from the Din of Islam and the teachings of the Awakened One. In other words, the Eastern me is the one that held me back when I stood at the edge of the abyss, giving me faith in something far greater than what this life has to offer. My western nature has kept me alive, active, inquisitive, and creative of but I had let my ego run wild, especially while living in the United States for 21 years. The West gave me the freedom to choose to be,e while the East has given the wisdom of the ages that of my father's and mother's and theirs before them. The Faith they had in these religions has helped sustain generations of my ancestors, and here i stand as a legacy of their strong commitment to their faith. I am not my body nor am I my mind, these ar my tools and instruments of expression and manifesting all my actions in this physical realm, and as such I take very good care of their functional capacity to the best of my performance. I have pushed my body to the limits as every career i had would testify to this and i have fine-honed it to perform more delicate and sophisticated performances such as painting and printmaking, and i can play the guitar and the flute. I may not be of a master class at these but i always gave it my best when I set my mind to it. 

The West in me has brought out my animal nature, my darker shadow nature that obeys the command of the ego and often unconsciously until he steps on a mine or is tripped by a wire, then he sits back and justifies to himself the how and the whys. I do this, and I am talking exactly about how my mind is divided in every move I make by the dichotomy of the East and West.  { not saying this metaphorically but am aware that i am divided in my thoughts between the western way of decerning, thinking dreaming planning just about any forms of mental formation i express I find my mind has to make a choice, should i express or manifest myself with my western persona or should I reserve myself with a more spiritual approach of an Easterner. Ironic it seems after having spent almost 30 years of thinking and living my life with a western mentality, I discovered faith and spirituality in the West and as a matter of fact I had  unconsciously rejected religions altogether when I arrived in the United States sometime in 1973 - 4 and i was 25 years of age married with a four month old boy arrived at The Austin Straubel Aitrport, aka "The Gateway to Lambeau." in Green Bay, Wisconsin in the dead of winter! It was no doubt a life-changing experience for one who grew up in Georgetown, Penang, where the day is always warm and the nights are always cool, and there was never a worry about snow. I can safely say that my soul was put to the grind in just trying to figure out what is Halal and what is not. How i coped later on is a subject well worn out from repetition so help yourself its in there somewhere just type Green Bay in search. I keep repeating my stories so they overlap filling in more details as I keep reaching back for answers or try to make sense of what, where or when events took place in the course of mu life.

I realize that whatever I have written and or documented, sketched or painted in my journals, are really of no significance or have any value at the end of the day when I depart from this life; at least not to me. What i have got thus far from having undertaken this self discovery research assignment is the ability to distinguish who I am from who I think I am. I also have a good handle on how my mind operates towards any given time and space i have learned from it also that nothing really is Real at least nothing last in time or nothing is eternal except this that is ever bearing witness to every aspect of life and navigating the way through tick and thin with the least of resistance and effortlessly. It has spelled out almost my entire history from birth till this date laying bare my weaknesses and strength even though at this stage .barely scratching the surface for the deep rooted karmic consequences are still buried deep perhaps best kept buried for good. I one keeps picking off the scab from the wound one is bound to cause more infection It is best, in some cases, to let the wound dry out by itself naturally no matter how much the scab itches to be picked. 

When my Wife, son and I was driven off from the Airport by my mother in law to our home in Duck Creek of Shawano Avenue, Brown County, Green Bay, Wisconsin, I felt my life as a Malay,{I never thought of myself as any other than being a Malay,} had slipped away from me; I felt like a soul in transition neither here nor there, I was scared. Henceforth my life as an American, a westerner began and i found myself burning the bridges behind me as part of my survival instinct which I realized later in life that had helped kept me alive and able to take on life whatever it had to throw at me and keeping this journalistic, documentation, biographic diary of a Blog is an will be on going till Google breaks down or i die. I am proud to say thus far, I have never earned a dime from this Blog writing and so I owe no one any favors except my son, whose computer I am using. Whether I am looking back at myself with a Western or an Eastern mind, it does not really matter, as having a slight understanding of how my mind operates helps to keep myself from being overly judgmental when making a posting or telling a story. Now that I am enjoying it how do i get off from this addiction, it is an addiction like it or not when you sit up at 3 in the morning writing about yourself for no one in particular but yourself and justifying to it by saying it is a labor of Love and Healing, it helps to keep the soul from being totally sucked into this whole illusion we call Life!  

So, How do I un-educate myself?  

Education Now and Then...Part 5

 

Life itself is one long education for the body the mind and the soul at least while we are still breathing in and out. If one takes a very detailed and close observation of the things one had experienced throughout one's life one begins to see what life is all about at all levels, at least glimpses of what one consider to be reality or the real side of life not the illusions that life is throwing at you. Again i say you to me when i write and is in no way to teach but merely share life from one perspective or one witness/ observer of life. Hence scholastic education should reflect life's long journey of education, of research and development of discovery and rejections, of denial and acceptance all then some. E= MC2 is the motion of life not just a mathematical equation. The Hindu Vedas have thousand of years ago had proven this equation and came up with a Divine Practice of Jivan Mukhta . 

"A jīvanmukta, literally meaning 'liberated while living',^[1] is a person who, in the Vedānta philosophy, has gained complete self-knowledge and self-realisation and attained kaivalya (enlightenment) or moksha (liberation), thus is liberated while living and not yet died.^[2][3] The state is the aim of moksha in Vedānta, Yoga and other schools of Hinduism, and it is referred to as jīvanmukti.^[4][5][6]"

For those who have chosen this path of self realization in this day and age will encounter a whole lot of pain and suffering just by witnessing the state of humanity around him/her. The Goddess of mercy or better known as Kuan Yin, the manifestation of the Bodhisatva Avalokiteshvara or Buddha of Compassion is depicted with a thousand arms an is attributed with the ability to hear the cry of suffering of pain from a single soul where ever on the planet and when called upon will deliver the suffering being from darkness to light and peace. By this very virtue we who aspire for liberation from this cycle of life, death and rebirth or attain to the Kingdom of Heaven will become more subservient to the call of human sorrow and by becoming awakened to the reality of existence we will do our utmost to become a Buddha and lead more of our fellow man into the divine Light of Consciousness. To become a Buddha may take eons of life times but to become enlightened can happen on the spur of the moment like a flash of lightning. Only a fully awakened mind can arrest the flash of a lightning and hold it for eternity and this is what my education as led me to over these years. 

I still remain as ignorant as I ever was and has been, however what I write comes from my own self realization or what bit and pieces of me I maintain to be the truth of who I am. My lifelong career as written in this Blog has been mostly challenging and full of excitement, I cannot say that I have had one long boring career that had eaten a good portion of my adult life but I must admit to myself that the more than 30 jobs I had held throughout my life had all been an education that no school system can provide. As the Devil is in the details, I can only say read! Perhaps there is something worthwhile that can be learned from this sharing of thoughts and consciousness. There is neither right or wrong way, there is only the way and the way is without empty of any thoughts,  or belief systems, any concepts or ideas, the way is the Middle Way. the 'straight and narrow path' that leads towards the Divine Consciousness, our original Buddha Nature, that which we came from our Creator. One surrenders, fully submit to this with full of faith and take refuge in The Lord of Creation. If you are nonbeliever or an Atheist I would not know what to say except that you might try to find an equation the fits you lifestyle so that you can hand it down to your children and theirs down the line. 

It sounded like I was preaching at in the last few paragraphs, I actually was. I was preaching to myself, I am the only one that matters whether things are right or wrong, real or unreal, genuine of fake and I have to strive to become impeccable at what i intend to do and to achieve in this life. I am not writing to show how I have almost mastered the art of writing or that ideas are floating in my brain and only i am too scared to reveal some of them by repeating the devil being in the detail like a broken record. I have my own demons to slay or win over and these are no neighborhood gang members these are real persistent and and downright aggressive when it comes to holding on to their territories or claiming you to become a a member of the gang. The prophet of Allah I heard is said to have said after a victory over his enemies, that more awesome more challenging Jihad you will face is the one within you.  The battle is between you and your ego, your nafs or as the Malays calls it nafsu. This much I deduced from chatting and listening to those who knew much better than me on the subject. Being eclectic by nature I skim the top off the food i am offered tasting the best appreciating what I am being offered by my teachers, my gurus and relatives and friends. I am not in the habit of accumulating everything i listen to or watch as they happen in their entirety I skip the details as they have become repetitious over the years and the lessons to be learned has become redundant or irrelevant. I know i cannot stop or empty my mind all i one shot but I can change it at my will, my awareness, my observation and detection, I scrutinized my every thought and actions immediately after they have occurred and this has become habit that is both good and bad.

After my college years at the UWGB in Wisconsin I graduated with a self designed Bachelor of Arts  degree and again this too can be referred to in past postings of this Blog on the subject. I achieved a dream that i never even dreamt of possible. I graduated as a University student something i could never have done had i lived in Malaysia as by the Malaysian educational system I did not do well n my School Certificate exam an thus was not qualified for higher education. But not in the United States, there if you can pass the SAT Test you qualify to go to college. My gratitude to the few friends and councilors who helped me to out of my miserable life of a packing house meat boner and on the way to becoming a tonified alcoholic with a broken home These few people saved my life by opening the door to further my education; Mr. Alan Hautamaki, Mr. Armstrong the math councilor who cured me of my math phobia when I had to sit for the SAT test. I told Alan who was my neighbor that if i have to do the math test he can forget it but he insisted that studied under Mr. Armstrong. It was like someone had unshackled me and set me free to be who I chose to be and a whole filed of possibilities was thrown open to me when I started my college years. I owed the University  USD10000 for my university studies and it took me exactly ten years to finish paying it back; it was worth every dime of it!

Education Now and Then -Part 4

 

I hated being in school sometimes on the other hand being in school was one of the best times of my childhood life. The Francis Light Primary School was where my education really began and it began with an almost well balanced of pros and cons. I was a born artist who was kept behind after school so I can pain Murals for the school walls for Parents' Day Event. I was among the top students in English and Intelligence Test classes. The school used to have this special class call Intelligence Studies where they probe your mind symbols and diagrams for you to differentiate or pick out one that does not belong and so forth and I was often at the top among all the students of my same standards. But the horror is when I had to sit through the math class and sometimes even the science classes. My mind just scored blanks and I suffered more than than I can express of pain and shame. I was tortured by my math teachers like for every time i was not able to answer a multiplication table I was made to stand and the next after i was made to stand on my chair and then my pants came down and the I was marched to the principal's office with my pants on my head to be rataned or caned by the head master! God how I hated them and how their faces still haunt my memories. But! Such Is! My anger started to get the better of me and I developed low self esteem of myself  and lived my life on the fringe of the main society. I became detached from getting too close to people or trusting others especially the adults in my life even at a very early age. Mostly without having realized it i hated myself most. My performance in school slipped badly and i was demoted to repeat my final year as i skipped one year bi-passing standard three to standard four. Education killed my sense of being a happy child and led me on this trail of self delusion always wondering what or where i went wrong.

At the age of twelve i was relocated to the East Coast to live with my real parents after the discovery that i was being raised as a Buddhist by my uncle. This episode of my life too has been written time and again in this Blog so I will skip the details. My Secondary Schooling was at the Sultan Sulaiman Secondary School in Kuala Terengganu. There the challenge was upped by having my Eldest brother as the Disciplinary and English teacher and my twin brother whose teenage space I had invaded. I went through an almost identical situation as I did in my primary school only the religious pressure was more intense until we were officially converted to Islam. In the course of my secondary school years my eldest brother slapped my face on three separate occasion, once at the school office witnessed by the office boy, then in his room at the hostel where he was the warden and then at home before my mother. I know I deserved every slap for the transgressions I must have committed but the slaps stung mee deeper than just physical pain. When he left to continue his studies in New Zealand he put both my twin and I under the care of another teacher who also slapped my face in the library in front of many senior students again I most probably deserved that one too. The same happened with an peace corps teacher who was from England and wham ! He too decide to rearrange my jaw bone to get my attention and make his point. These were moments when had I a gun i would have shot my teachers! Or close enough.

My saving grace came in the form of a martial arts instructor who was also then the head of the Trengganu State Religious Department, Encik Abu Johan who took me in as a member of his family. I truly embraced Islam through his tutelage and guidance. Through knowing him I got to hang out with the then Chief Magistrate and the Chief of Police who would hang out at night at Pa Abu's playing Scrabble. For hours we would play till the early morning hours I said we because I was the one who they were trying to beat all the time even though I was much younger than them and was a martial arts student; no kidding I always beat them; Encik Zol, Encik Noh and Pa'Abu were my mentors about life and religion of Islam. Through Pa'Abu I was introduced to two influential people in my life back then, Dato Ariffin Zakaria and Tengku Azmel who took me and my twin under their wings. Dato Ariffin later became adviser to the Sultan Of Terengganu. My education began when i realized that all those years and the hundreds of books and comics I had read was my ticket towards making it in the world that I was facing. Acting tough was not good enough, you just become tough especially when the going got tough. I became a good martial arts student and realized that i got no more snipe remarks about my race or religion and you are the center of attention. From then on i made the cardinal error of not taking reign of my ego and stepped and stomped over heads and toes till I had to leave the State for my own safety, that is another story perhaps that will never be told.

I am not trying to justify my failures while in school and I am positive that the teachers meant well, however I would be telling lies had i not told it as it had happened. My problem with education was resolved when I was admitted to the University of Wisconsin at Green Bay sometime in 1978. This story too has been written in the Blog; So to be continued...  

 

Education Part 3 - Great Artists or Scientists do not make great School Teachers.

 

Sadly and not too soon into the future our children will be carrying out conversation like AIs, no feelings, no emotions, just plain old announcing. Laughter and sorrows would rarely be head or seen among the people at coffee shops or the laundromat as most will have their faces buried into their I-phones, Lap Tops or whatever else they had with them;  this is busy - ness. This is our future masks that we wear to hide our faces away from getting involved with the external world, with people, animals and the fresh air in general. We are buried underneath our own garbage as our mind and body is being inundated by incessant stimuli, data, information, stories and dramas most of which we seek to satisfy our own cravings or forms of escape from reality as is. We are till doing not too bad as our children are still in touch with us teaching us the latest in technology while we try to share the ancient wisdoms of the Rishis and Roshis. We know why we are here and what our sense of purpose is in relationship to them and they their responsibilities towards us, hopefully most of us do. What has education provided for us to counter this silent killer of human consciousness and well being? Drop all Arts and Humanities Courses and invite for more technological and scientific research project oriented courses too fill up future job market.

It is our children who is paying the price for the negligence and lack of strong foundation in the structuring of our educational system; it is off balance where the human psyche is concern it is good for the robotic manufacturing line of workers to keep the technological and scientific stake holders alive and well. The children who are fortunate to have a good home education from their parents relatives and friends, who are smart not to let the wi-fi take over their lives will do better to cope with the rising cause of psycho-emotional pain caused by the world of consumerism. Driving the latest model of Porche 11 at high speed off the cliff off Star Route 1 along the Pacific Coastal road would be the climax of what it means to have lived life for those who have become victims of their own devices. It is already happening rest assured as much or what we worry about today is happening somewhere already, suicides, overdoses, recklessness on public roads or rampage over innocent protesting school children who are expressing their love for the nation as a whole; their civil rights as a civilian. I still remember the day I waved the flag as a student for the Malaysian First Independence Day which took place at the Padang Kota Lama shouting Merdeka! at the top of my lungs full of spirit and  What does education has to teach today that will counter this trend of destructive human behaviors rampant all over the world?! What will happen when children totally forget how to pray or what to pray to in times of dire need.

" Chat-Gpt is generating new improved versions of how to use AI are hitting the market everyday! Bill Gates says Artificial Intelligence is as fundamental as the computer chip, the Internet and the PC. Apple CEO Tim Cook says, it will be a a part of every product going forward. PwC estimates that AI will add 15.7 Trillion to the Global Economy! And here's the million dollar question everyone should be asking,    a} Is AI just a Fad?

b}Did I miss out on the AI boom?

c} What AI stock should I buy?

An ad, that came on YouTube.

More than 1 thousand walked out of the Graduation ceremony in honor of their 13 fellow undergraduates who were denied their Graduation due to being involved in anti-Government protest. Listen to the valedictorian speech given by a student on this issue. Modern educators should pay close attention to this historic event that involves the education of students today. - on Democracy Now with Emi Goodman.

There is no need to look too far when it comes to the failures in our educational system. Malaysia is sitting upon a barrel of rotting apples and the Education ministries are at logger heads as to how or what to do. Teachers with high credibility and experience in their profession is becoming a rarity and most of those who still brave the task are not well paid enough to keep their enthusiasm in giving their best to their students. I do not need to try to explain how hard it is to be a teacher and I have witnessed my eldest brother and sister in law went through life as lifelong teachers to know that it takes some special people to become great school teachers. Great Scientists, great Musicians, great Soccer players great pilots do not make great school teachers and as such school teachers should be placed high up there among the achievers of society and in this country of Malaysia, they should at the very least be awarded a Datukship by the King.  

What is Education Today and Yesterday. - part 2

 As often mentioned whenever the issue of Budget and Education is discussed the cancelling of the Arts and social Program studies become the victim of removal as irrelevant. Sad and worse yet it is sheer ignorance of our society to deprive the human mind the essence of what is creativity. What is interpersonal communication what is getting along with one another or what is prejudice and what is racism. Children go to school to be bred for servitude of what modern technology has to offer and how they can serve these technologies for the benefit of the owners and we call it employment; children are taught to slave to employment. Success is measured by the highest standard of employment as a gauge to considered a successful person in life. There is nothing right or wrong with this concept of life as reflected in the educational system of our country. We are in need of a wake up call in the awakening of our educational  system that is still imitating the West especially the British system of education. I went through this system during my school year of 1956 - 1969; I never liked school until i went to college in Green Bay, Wisconsin where i graduated in 1982. O owed the US government USD10000 and paid back in full after ten years.

My first classroom experienced happened at the Sekolah Rendah Kampung Jawa, today renamed Sekolah P.Ramlee after Malaysia's icon actor of the Black and White screen. One morning while listening to the teacher i must have floated out of the window and not paying attention and next thing i knew my face was forcefully slammed to the desk top. His name was Cikgu Hamid and till this day I remember his face. Fortunately my uncle the man who adopted me decided to change me to an English School instead it was a life saver for me after the trauma of one incident I dreaded school. I was registered at the Francis Light Primary School located on the junction of Anson Road and Perak Road. There is a Chinese Temple at the junction and it is still there after all these years. Walking to school from Sungai Pinang and River Road was a pleasure as I would pass so many exciting scenes from the field of hutan deruju { a thistle like plant growing to 6 feet tall} These plants are mostly found in mangrove areas along the coastal shore and then the Tan Lembu or cattle coral are where the Indians live and the place looked like Little Rural India from the distance. I had a few Indian friends in there and once in a while would hang out with them as I loved the smell of cow dung and curry cooking in the air. Even as a child i was very sensitive to the sense of smell of my surroundings, I can still smell my village after the hightide at noon and the smell of a pile shit five to six feet below me while I take dump. I loved the smell of bales of rubber in the Gudangs along the Weld Quay and the tangy smell of onion on board the HMS State of Madras or the vessel The Rajula which would dock where my uncle worked and sometimes he would arrange for me to be taken on board these ships, a guided tour by his office boy. Pig farms have a distinct smell to it from that of a goat coral or a cow's and chicken houses have a whole different aroma about them, I loved the fishy smell of the wet markets that I would go to with my grandmother and I love the smell of Jake's Pizza on Eastside Mainstreet of Green Bay, Wisc.

I have many days to recuperate from my operation, so I got time to dwell on my childhood days in a little more detail no reason why but simply cause I enjoy it. What i cherish most about my morning walks to Francis Light was during the flowering season of the Angsana trees that grew along Perak Road and bright yellow flowers would cover both sides of the road like a carpet of gold. The air was cooler back then sometimes early in the morning it was almost misty and made the whole scene like a wonderland. The smell if strong Chinese incense floats along into your mind reminding you that school is around the corner. It was a Love and Hate relationship I had with this school. I loved it for having allowed me to sing in front of the whole school on stage Elvis Presley's song "It's Now or Never!", it aloowed me to paint six feet tall murals hung all over the school every Parents' Day. I have never ventured into the school ever since I left it and every time I pass it i was tempted but I keep making excuses why not: I hated my school years there. My name was Nanda Sena s/o Simone Bartholomuze while I was in my primary school and this disqualifies me as a Malay among my fellow Malay students. Then I was raised as a Buddhist by my uncle and this disqualified me from going to the Friday Prayers on Fridays and that qualified me as a Kafir. I went home everyday to a house full of Muslim Malays, my Uncles and Aunts, my cousins, everyone who lived in the same house were Muslims except for my uncle and me. Well I must have retold this episode more then once so I will not get into it here even if I have all the time in the world. Moving right along back at school it would not be hard to figure out the consequences were for being in the state that I was - nothing is more vicious than a religious judgement and prosecution. The Malay boys distanced themselves from me but were never mean except for one or two who called me a kapiak or kafir in my face. I was too young to take to heart and fight back but it stung deep. So, I hung out with the Chinese boys!

What I missed at school was replaced by being at home where everyone except me was a Muslim and Malays and I was one of them without doubt even to my Kampung friends who were almost all Malays, no one ever called me a kapiak in my grandmother's house. Ego says. perhaps behind your back they did and i would have flipped had i known. Dealing with religious issues has been a real tough act to follow even for one who has tasted life in all its facets and levels. Even till this day I am still lost in the dark as to who or where i fit in where my faith and religions is concern. The closest I have come to an understanding is that I pray and worship one All Encompassing Being, the Supreme Consciousness, Lord of Creation and the Afterlife and as a Muslim by birth I call my Lord Allah Aza wa jala. The Lord of the Universe. and that Muhammad is His Messenger. From Him I have come and to Him shall I return. In the meantime I shall keep on living my life as I see fit honoring my Parents and their faith and fulfilling my destiny to the end that my children may have a glimpse of where or what I put my faith in. This too is a subject i have much discussed in my earlier posting and so I will give it  rest here. Suffice to say I dealt with my social and religious issues at a very early age and believe I have survived the worse. I did not turn away but took on the thorough understanding of all the religions that i was exposed to and till this day am making sense out of all the non-sense as my practice in life, I took it as a challenge eventually when I was smart enough to think intuitively. On many occasion when I came close to taking in my last breath I would pray to my Lord for forgiveness and surrender myself unto His Grace and Mercy. I return to Him as a slave returns to his Master and Owner. When I am in this state of mind I felt ready for death and almost look forward to it but it never happened and I have to keep on living. 

What is Education Today and Yesterday - Part one.

 

May You exist with the purity of a lotus in muddy waters!

A Buddhist saying that had stuck in my mind since when I first heard it said when I was in college in the 70s at the University of Wisconsin at Green bay. It was in one of the books that i had stumbled upon while shelving books at the University Library where i was doing my work study job as an assistant librarian. If i am not mistaken it was in one of Alan Watts works, The Way of Zen or was it The water Course Way? This Is It? Oh well it was when I first started my spiritual journey as a more serious pursuit of my life intentions. having gone through a divorce and the loss of custody to my son I was t the nadir of my life and came close to putting an end to it had it not for a friend whose love and compassion saved me from my foolishness. His name was Francis Wilson and was a medic during the Vietnam war. When I made his acquaintance he was working for the Green Bay Mental Home and was also a student at the University where i was. He approached me after my having given a lecture at one of the Interpersonal Communication Class on an invitation by the professor Jack Frisk who was became a good friend of mine after our encounters as student and lecturer. My talk was of my visit home to Malaysia as my final trip of my  course of study. I graduated with a BA degree through a self designed program a pioneer project carried out by the University of Wisconsin at Madison. After the two hour talk in front of some 90 students I was at the Rathskeller or the bar at the university where most unblued students hung out and there Francis Wilson and i became brothers after a lengthy conversation about life and what and where we have been.

Frank was also a Tae Kwon Do black belt instructor who ran a dojo in Green bay and knowing that i had some martial arts training in the Art Silat Gayung our friendship was sealed with me being involved in the dissemination of one of his student who he later told me was a hard head eager to hurt others type. Although I chastised me as it was meant to be a no contact sparring I should not have dropped the kid with one side swipe kick to his temple. Frank later told me that he was glad I taught the kid a lesson not to underestimate size and color and to curb his ego. As for me i felt the threat like it was an instinct that said that this kid was out to prove himself by hurting me and my strike was a spontaneous act of self preservation, of self defense. I am relating this event perhaps again for a reason and that is that i have on many occasions experienced this spontaneity in action especially when I gave up any form of control or expectation out of the outcome of this action. In this case the art and technique was inherent within me as i was an instructor at one time and had studied the Silat Seni Gayung to be recognized as a teacher among the Malays. This Art is alive within even though over time it was forgotten. In times of dire need the motions will arise from within and act. I remember a similar happening when I was employed at the H&H Ship Services on the San Francisco water front where I was faced with a life threatening situation and my body just reacted without any regard of the consequences, I have written of this episode in this Blog I am sure perhaps if it is of any interest one may refer back.   I am beginning to find that my blog lengthy as it is is like a book revelation or sorts. The stories are told to reflect over and over again of what did really happened in the past and what it had to offer in the form of a teaching ad reminder and so when reading this Blog you will find the stories being repeated over and over like the analogies used in the scriptures. Far be it that I am seriously claiming it to be so and most of what i have written thus far were written with random choices of subject matter. It is only just now that I had this realization and although I was reluctant to dare compare my writing style to that of the Words of the Lord in His Good Books, it was just a curious discovery and who in their right mind have got the time or would want to venture into making this a study. The Universities now adays are caught up into creating the best robots there is in the form of humanoid, research on literature and the arts has become a waste of money and time especially here in this country.

They keep telling me that life is a lifelong learning process and only those with inclination towards making it so will see the wisdom in this saying. Those who are born to lead a life of one experiment after another can stay on this path that is known by many names throughout human history and I call it by its simple name; self discovery. On this path nothing is left to chance and every stone is turned upside down in order to discover what is hidden beneath. This is what Mahatma Gandhi is said to have practiced throughout his life, he said,"Life is one long experiment." He was responsible for the Satyagraha Movement that was later taken up ny Delson Mandela in South Africa and Dr. Martin Luther King in the United States and Thich Naht Hahn in Vietnam. 

Satyāgraha (Sanskrit: सत्याग्रह; satya: "truth", āgraha: "insistence" or "holding firmly to"), or "holding firmly to truth",^[1] or "truth force", is a particular form of nonviolent resistance or civil resistance. Someone who practises satyagraha is a satyagrahi.

The term satyagraha was coined and developed by Mahatma Gandhi (1869–1948),^[2] who practised satyagraha in the Indian independence movement and also during his earlier struggles in South Africa for Indian rights. Satyagraha theory influenced Martin Luther King Jr.'s and James Bevel's campaigns during the Civil Rights Movement in the United States, as well as Nelson Mandela's struggle against apartheid in South Africa and many other social justice and similar movements.^[3][4]    :Wikipedia.

Today Satyagraha is being manifested on campuses all over the world and the governments are at a loss at what to do other than resort to violence! Would it not be tragic if by chance a policeman violently taking a girl to the ground and hand tying her while his knee is pressed on her back, when he turn her over to discover that she is his daughter. Nah! God is not that cruel. Satyagraha is awakened and very much alive all over the world as ordinary people are awakened to the filth that they are being fed by the power that be, their very own elected leaders. The non - violence movement will lit up more social consciousness when believe in the children and stand by them in their battle against tyranny of any kind. This what education means, the ability to think wisely and with good intentions towards serving others for the benefit of the whole. It is time for the fathers to be fathers to their child and join in the movement towards achieving the goals of the young ones; they know what they are after even if you don't. Out of the feeling of Unconditional Love parents must take up their positions alongside their children on campuses to protect them if nothing else. Doing nothing is complicit to the violence your children face; and the child asked, "Where were you Dad, when they struck me down and lay their knee on my back like and animal?"

The Lam Wa Ee Medical Center - a 3 days retreat.

 I was discharged from the Lam Wa Ee hospital this morning after having had my hernia problem taken care of  by Dr. Yew Chor Giap a young Chinese doctor which took place on Friday morning. It was totally not what i had visualized! Did not feel the knife or the needle at all and as a matter of fact I was not aware that I was being worked on all the while. I was aware of people talking around me and I was waiting for the operation to begin, however before I was being wheeled out of the operation room and to myself i was saying, "Oh no! They have cancelled the operation but why?" Then as they were handling my body I did not feel the lower part of my body at all! They had worked on me while i was waiting! The pain came about half an hour after while I was laying in bed in the ward. Yes it hit me with an eager smirk, "You think your toothache was bad?" Then I thought of the amputated children of Gaza some with no Anaesthetize, my pain is minimal. The food was what hit me harder, hospital food! It lives up to its name and I think people fall sick from the prospect of eating it through the duration of their stay. No doubt it was prepared to help the healing process, however I cancelled my last meal and opted for SUBWAY sandwich instead. Over all the service was good and most nurses and interns were friendly and helpful. I was surprise to find many Indonesians coming as outpatients and enjoyed listening to the Indonesian Chinese speaking Bahasa Indonesia to one another in a family. IN Indonesia everyone is expected to be able to communicate in the National Language.

"Lam Wah" means “Chinese in the South” and “Ee” means “medicine”. Twelve community leaders were elected to be the first Board of Directors. Free consultation and medication in traditional Chinese medicine was offered to the public. Within a few years, this became very popular as a source of medical services not only to the Chinese community but also to the other communities in Penang. As a result of this, Muntri Street has since become known as “Lam Wah Ee Hospital Street”. As the demand for these services became more popular, two branch clinics were set up, one at Beach Street and the other at Magazine Road.

The idea of setting up a community health care center in Penang was first mooted by a few Chinese community leaders in 1876 and a fund-raising campaign was subsequently launched. A traditional-style building was completed in 1883 on a plot of land about 10,600 sq. ft. at Muntri Street. This was known as the Lam Wah Ee Hospital." I cut and paste simply to get a few facts of the Hospital, boring as it may be it is necessary to have  little history of the place where they cut you open and did some repair job. I remember on my previous visit not too long ago having a conversation about the hospital' history. He was a Chinese gentleman and he told me that the hospital was built to cater to the need of the local Georgetown Population in the days it was conceived. A Chinese millionaire or TaiKung had this idea to provide care for the society, free medical service. It was a noble act inspiring the local Chinese Kongsi or associations. There' the devil in the details in this story too, how did this hospital has become one of the most expensive private hospital catering more to foreigners who can afford than the locals. It cost me almost 5 thousand RM to have my hernia taken care of, most of those who can't afford this price tag gas to go the General Hospital where it might cost you nothing if you ever get it done. If they cannot get it done in a month in Kuala Terengganu what makes you think they can do it in Penang? I tried! When I asked one of my young Chinese friend here he laughed and said. "The Government has stopped the subsidy, without being subsidized they cannot function."

Anyway I got the Naz, in America to thank for in footing the bill and my two children here for their love and support in making sure that all goes well; I am blessed.

  

Just Rambling...

 

It is that time again where the mind has a total shutdown when it comes to ramble and it is alright cause there is nothing much to ramble about these days anyway other than the fact that life is  as it should be with each passing day reminding one that the end is around the corner. The joy of living is slowly ebbing away as the day to day routine is becoming pretty much a chore to keep the mind from thinking negative thoughts or yearning for the same addictions that has plagued mt life since I understood what the word meant. Like most everyone today the prime addiction is the Media, Internet, YouTube, TikTok and the rest. Being addicted to writing is also the reason I am up this wee early in the morning attempting to make this post. It is in keeping with he idea of turning garbage into compost for fertilizing my mind or deprive it from seeking other more rotten habits to keep busy with especially when one has the problem of sleeping. The prospect of being admitted tomorrow morning to have my hernia taken care of may be one of the reasons why I am having problem falling asleep. This would be the first major surgery I would be undergoing even though I am being told that it is a minor surgery. What worries me more is that they might find something more serious with my body in the course of their tests. High blood pressure I am confirm to suffer from and at the last doctor appointment i was told i have a prostate problem in the making, Diabetes I do not have according to the tests done in Marang Clinic in Terrengganu and they also told me I have no heart issues, then again who can tell. I used to not worry with what i might or might not have haunting my body except to take care of what ails me in the moment, like take Panadol whenever i have a migraine and laxative when i don't poop happily. 

Having lived for almost 75 years is to me a bonus that I do not deserve considering how i had abused my body in more than one way and living a very long life stuck to a wheelchair or anchored to the bed is not a prospect I look forward to. I am blessed and am grateful to have lived this life that is filled with a whole lot of ups and downs, having tasted the worse and the best it has to offer and then some. Regrets? Yes here and there things could have been better but then again things could have been a whole lot worse had i not made the right choices at a certain junction in my path to adulthood. As this lengthy Blog is a testification of pretty much of my journey from cradle to the grave in not too long from now, my life has been filled with colorful episodes and I am proud to say that not to many of my peers can measure up or down to what i have achieved or committed in the course of the path i have taken to get to where I am right now.  It is not that I am measuring myself to anyone in particular as living what is a successful life is relative according to each person's perception of what life is. To some it is material wealth, while to others it is spiritual, there are those who look at life's experiences as a criteria while to others simply making it without too much hassle fulfilling life's commitments is good enough. I believe all of these matters and then some and it is the some that makes it worthwhile.

As I have often reminded myself, I am an eclectic, one who picks the best of choices that works for me from and discard the rest as background music. I am not good at sticking to a routine too long or stuck to one job or one relationship for that matter too long, like every dream when held too long often turns into a nightmare or a fruit is just good too eat when it is just ripe but not when over ripe. I learned to let go and move on without looking back like burning my bridges behind me except for the purpose of reflections as I often do in writing this Blog. It is for me a good practice to reflect to look back and investigate a little upon what had transpired and where i could have done better or how i could have better tackled a situation that would have benefit me and others. I do not look back to dwell upon the past as a past time or to fill the gaps of boredom although it often ends up as such. I study my past in order to better my future or simply put not make the same mistake. 

Then again, I am living in heaven on earth compared to the slaughter house called Palestine, or Syria or a few others of the African Nations like Yemen, Sudan and others and i was just out of curiosity watching a guy telling  on YouTube why he has to leave this country after vacationing here of the past two months.; it is too hot for his taste!