It is that time again where the mind has a total shutdown when it comes to ramble and it is alright cause there is nothing much to ramble about these days anyway other than the fact that life is as it should be with each passing day reminding one that the end is around the corner. The joy of living is slowly ebbing away as the day to day routine is becoming pretty much a chore to keep the mind from thinking negative thoughts or yearning for the same addictions that has plagued mt life since I understood what the word meant. Like most everyone today the prime addiction is the Media, Internet, YouTube, TikTok and the rest. Being addicted to writing is also the reason I am up this wee early in the morning attempting to make this post. It is in keeping with he idea of turning garbage into compost for fertilizing my mind or deprive it from seeking other more rotten habits to keep busy with especially when one has the problem of sleeping. The prospect of being admitted tomorrow morning to have my hernia taken care of may be one of the reasons why I am having problem falling asleep. This would be the first major surgery I would be undergoing even though I am being told that it is a minor surgery. What worries me more is that they might find something more serious with my body in the course of their tests. High blood pressure I am confirm to suffer from and at the last doctor appointment i was told i have a prostate problem in the making, Diabetes I do not have according to the tests done in Marang Clinic in Terrengganu and they also told me I have no heart issues, then again who can tell. I used to not worry with what i might or might not have haunting my body except to take care of what ails me in the moment, like take Panadol whenever i have a migraine and laxative when i don't poop happily.
Having lived for almost 75 years is to me a bonus that I do not deserve considering how i had abused my body in more than one way and living a very long life stuck to a wheelchair or anchored to the bed is not a prospect I look forward to. I am blessed and am grateful to have lived this life that is filled with a whole lot of ups and downs, having tasted the worse and the best it has to offer and then some. Regrets? Yes here and there things could have been better but then again things could have been a whole lot worse had i not made the right choices at a certain junction in my path to adulthood. As this lengthy Blog is a testification of pretty much of my journey from cradle to the grave in not too long from now, my life has been filled with colorful episodes and I am proud to say that not to many of my peers can measure up or down to what i have achieved or committed in the course of the path i have taken to get to where I am right now. It is not that I am measuring myself to anyone in particular as living what is a successful life is relative according to each person's perception of what life is. To some it is material wealth, while to others it is spiritual, there are those who look at life's experiences as a criteria while to others simply making it without too much hassle fulfilling life's commitments is good enough. I believe all of these matters and then some and it is the some that makes it worthwhile.
As I have often reminded myself, I am an eclectic, one who picks the best of choices that works for me from and discard the rest as background music. I am not good at sticking to a routine too long or stuck to one job or one relationship for that matter too long, like every dream when held too long often turns into a nightmare or a fruit is just good too eat when it is just ripe but not when over ripe. I learned to let go and move on without looking back like burning my bridges behind me except for the purpose of reflections as I often do in writing this Blog. It is for me a good practice to reflect to look back and investigate a little upon what had transpired and where i could have done better or how i could have better tackled a situation that would have benefit me and others. I do not look back to dwell upon the past as a past time or to fill the gaps of boredom although it often ends up as such. I study my past in order to better my future or simply put not make the same mistake.
Then again, I am living in heaven on earth compared to the slaughter house called Palestine, or Syria or a few others of the African Nations like Yemen, Sudan and others and i was just out of curiosity watching a guy telling on YouTube why he has to leave this country after vacationing here of the past two months.; it is too hot for his taste!
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