What is the benefit of the Ayat Kursi - If you think you know Islam.

 Allahu laaa ilaaha illaa huwal haiyul qai-yoom; laa taakhuzuhoo sinatunw wa laa nawm; lahoo maa fissamaawaati wa maa fil ard; man zallazee yashfa'u indahooo illaa be iznih; ya'lamu maa baina aideehim wa maa khalfahum; wa laa yuheetoona beshai 'immin 'ilmihee illa be maa shaaaa; wasi'a kursiyyuhus samaa waati wal arda wa la ya'ooduho hifzuhumaa; wa huwal aliyyul 'azeem.

Allah! There is no god but He - the Living, the Self-subsisting, Eternal. No slumber can seize Him nor Sleep. His are all things in the heavens and on earth. Who is there can intercede in His presence except as he permits? He knows what (appears to His creatures As) Before or After or Behind them. Nor shall they compass aught of His knowledge except as He wills. His throne doth extend over the heavens and on earth, and He feels no fatigue in guarding and preserving them, For He is the Most High, the Supreme (in glory)."

It is said that Ayat Kursi is one of the most powerful verse in the Holy Quran in terms of its ability to ward off evil and also the deep significance of its meaning, 

For the past few months I have been making an effort to memorized this verse and one of the ways this happens is by listening to it on the You Tube repeatedly every night before i fall asleep. I have always held that this verse holds the potent energy that deters if not expels any negative anergy that seeks to impose their presence on to me or my home and family and thus by playing by on the I-pad while I sit and meditate helps to keep my mind from being pulled away from my focus or concentration and also helps to guard me against any 'spiritual attacks' by negative elements. I truly believe in this protective capability of the verses in the Quran mostly through personal experiences over the years of my life. As a teenager I experienced a 'demonic attack' that happened as soon as I was about to fall asleep. It came in the form of a buzzing sound in my ears and it would grow louder and louder and this happened aver a long period of time like a few months. I was scared in the beginning but after a while i got used to it and eventually even got to look forward to it, often saying to myself ,Oh oh, here it comes. I would feel like there was an entity laying on top of me and I was helpless even tried as I would to fight it off but only to wake up sweating and finding myself not moved at all from the position I was in when I was fell asleep. It eventually came to the state when I started hearing a voice screaming loud in my ear saying that it was going to kill me and this was when I freaked out and fought back with the verses from the Quran especially calling out the Azan, the phenomena stopped after I started reciting the verses every time I was attacked. This episode happened when I was attending high school while living in Kuala Terengganu and it was then that i was converted to Islam and had learned to recite a few verses of the Quran which was mandatory for the purpose of performing the Salat. I also had joined the Malay Art of Self Defense where we were required to recite a few relevant verses for the purpose of protection while performing our practices. It was being involved with the martial art training that gave me the courage to fight back these attacks and putting an end to it. 

As part of the initiation into the spiritual nature of the Martial Art or Silat Seni Gayong as it was called, I was allowed to go through a ritual where I was introduced to a spiritual guide or partner and this involved the recitation of verses from the Quran. It was during this ritual that i first felt what it was like to be possessed and the feeling of being in a vacuum and out the body state of consciousness. I have related this event previously in this Blog and so I will not delve much further into it. However the experience left me to have strong believe in the fact that the verses from the Holy Quran carries a lot of weight when recited with strong conviction and purpose, it has its own power and energy that can thwart away any danger from happening to you. This is why most Muslim would recite, BismillahirRahman nir Rahim  before making any decision or take any action even to eat or to leave the house. It is most advisable to recite pertinent verses before one goes to sleep as this is when one is most vulnerable to various forms of attacks by negative forces like what is known as Incubus and Succubus, bad spirits that take advantage of one while asleep.[Google it}. Verses from the Quran when recited with strong faith and determination can heal or even remove entities that possesses an individual as in an exorcism, however one has to be truly strong in one's believe and faith to do so and the Ayat Kursi is one of the most potent and commonly used verse for this purpose. 

"In the Islamic faith, there are many verses from the Quran that hold immense significance and are believed to possess great power and blessings. One such verse is Ayatul Kursi, which is often referred to as the Throne Verse. This powerful verse is found in Surah Al-Baqarah and is recited by Muslims around the world for its spiritual benefits and protection." 

No, no, I am not interested in convincing anyone if Islam is the best religion or the right one. That is for each and everyone to go and discover what is and what is not the right religion or faith for them. If there is any advise I would share is to at least find out and not assume or take others' words for it. One has to make the effort to want to discover the simple truth for oneself  and if nothing else find out what it is all about so you can share with your children or the younger generation who one comes into contact with. There is many today expressing themselves on the Mass media like You Tube and Face Book regarding the existence of God like they have the authority {God Given} to do so. Most of these individuals are young and have not earned the rites of passage to do so as it takes more than a lifetime to discover the existence of God unless one is born with the faith of acceptance of the Divine Presence,   

         

The devil is in the details =Jingme Lingpa

 Jigme Lingpa - Dzogchen enlightenment through 6 & 7 chakra activation

There will be no stable transcendental wisdom as prajña and jñana until the 3rd Eye or Wisdom Eye or Divine Eye is activated. All the traditions mention this direct correlation between the activated Wisdom Eye and what’s called “enlightenment”.

This activation can be induced especially through using various forms of sunlight gazing (and thogal), Yangti Dark Retreat, kundalini yoga, pranayama with kumbhaka, nirvikalpa samadhi and spontaneously with or without influence from a realized guru (“realized” meaning “with an activated 3rd eye”).

Thinking, conceptualizing along with self-oriented intentionality, contract the chakras in general and the heart, 3rd eye and crown chakra specifically. This is why ALL the mystical traditions require non-thought and dissolution of the “personal self” illusion.

In absence of all mentation and illusions of personal selfhood; the chakras expand and function naturally, as in very young children prior to being brain-washed and the development of the egoic selfing brain processes.

When the heart chakra is fully open, the wisdom of “no self” appears spontaneously.

When the 3rd Eye is open, clairvoyance and brilliantly sharp wisdoms and intuitions arise, and the ability to see into other dimensions occurs.

When the crown chakra at the fontanelle blossoms open, oneness with the Divine Nature (or Buddha Nature) is revealed along with “out of body experiences” and primordial perfection is then known.

This is like transforming into a butterfly where you had always been trying to fly while still being a caterpillar. When still a caterpillar you think and know with a caterpillar’s brain. For humans this means trying to understand the Absolute with a limited human monkey brain. Activating the higher chakras is knowing via a butterfly’s cognitive faculties.

It’s discovered that the Divine Consciousness has always been one’s unchanging subjective Beingness and awareness. The reason you don’t see this very easily is because you AS the Divine Consciousness already are too busy pretending to be you the “seeker”. (lol!)

“The reason for this is that the ushnisha (upper crown chakra) has no size, but pervades the ultimate expanse. When all the thought constructs (sem) dissolves into the chakra of the ushnisha (upper crown chakra), buddhahood is attained."

Jigme Lingpa

It's a Never Ending Story of Self Discovery.

 Netflix has a Hindi movie entitled Kalki, a fictional story with the main characters based on the Hindu Pantheon of Gods and Deities  from the epic saga called the Mahabharata or the Big War. This movie for those who have some knowledge of the ancient Hindu myth and religious folklore especially the main characters wielding super powers would prove more interesting. However the younger generation today with their absorbed in the video games are less to be interested of the origin of this Netflix movie which is a cross between a Sci-fi and religious revelations created with exotic landscapes and out of this world machineries, purely for good if not somewhat violent entertainment. 

"Following the Kurukshetra War, Ashwatthama attempts to kill Uttarā's unborn child. For committing the act, Krishna, the 8th avatar of Vishnu, curses him to roam the earth as an immortal and witness humanity's misery as a result of societal and moral deterioration during the Kali Yuga. His divine gem is also taken from his forehead, and his redemption is destined to occur only by protecting the mother of Kalki, Vishnu's 10th and final avatar, towards the end of the Kali Yuga.^[c]"  -Wikipedia

Kalki, the tenth Avatar of Lord Vishnu is said to be the final Avatar to walk the earth before its final demise or the end of the Kali Yuga, just as in Buddhism the coming of Lord Maitreya as the final Enlightened being to lead humanity out of the age of chaos and darkness and just as in Christianity the second coming of The Christ and in Islam the coming of the Imam Mahdi. These are the spiritual beings prophesized by each related religion that would appear at the end of time when humanity and the universe will go though a major shift in the form of destruction and rebirth. As in most such cases the devil is in the details and the detail is too long and elaborate to share here, however suffice to say that it is inherent in practically every major faith in humanity there is a coming of a savior in the form of a Great teacher or a prophet or a  spiritual warrior who will lead the faithful away from the enveloping darkness into the light of consciousness. At least this is true for all those who are true believers or have some form of faith in spirituality and the afterlife. For the non believers and the atheists there is not much to talk about and this is not saying that they are wrong or right, it is just as it is. Having faith and believe in God or any form of religious understanding is not an easy thing to explain; it is just a matter of faith. Do man need to have faith? Why? these are not easy questions to answer and most of the time only through personal experience and some intense form of practice and study can one arrive at the truth: "and the truth shall set you free"  

Free from what? Free from suffering off course says the Buddhist and the Hindus and perhaps most other religions. "Hidup ini adalh sengsara," life is suffering in Malay and the word sengsara originates from the Sankrit word Samsara, suffering which also 'Dukha' in the Pali canon. From the day day we were born till the day we die life is suffering and none suffers more than our mother. Hence spiritual or religious practices are mainly aimed at understanding fully the nature of human suffering which the Historical Buddha laid out in The Four Noble Truths of Buddhism. I am not expounding Buddhism and its detailed structure however one can Google it for better understanding if one is interested to know better. Knowledge is said to be wing by which we fly to heaven and ignorance is the weight that drags us down the pit of darkness; most of us today live in ignorance and are satisfied with this state so long as we have enough if not more than what is needed to live. Most have no concept of the awesomeness of being alive, the miracle of simply being able to breath and to walk, most are living in a state of sleepwalking and self denial. This is not good or bad for those who are awakened to the nature of reality and of existence itself as to these minority of humanity there is truly no one who is experiencing this state we call living. In essence we are consciousness manifesting in the form of physical beings with conditioned minds a product of being influenced by our environment and mental perceptions. None is free from this state of existence save those who are fully awakened from the bondage of illusory deep sleep we find ourselves in.

I have found myself repeating this scenario of human existence for years and numerous postings in this Blog for one reason or another. Sometimes for lack of things to write about, sometimes to come to a better understanding of my thoughts on the matter and sometimes simply as a reminder to myself of the intuitions that has emerged from this activity and last but not least to better myself as self expression in the form of good writing. I cannot claim myself a professional writer as my English has yet to be better polished. It is thanks to the Internet that I have been able to come this far, however in the process I have learned more about who I am and how i think and what makes me tick, my strength and my flaws, are exposed by and by, sometimes more than I had anticipated thus making this activity a form of catharsis in my self development and understanding. In the process I also become my own teacher, my own Guru, my own critic and my own Deity, my own Buddha Nature; this Blogging has morphed into my own 'Self Reflection,' revealing to me who I was, I am and I aim to become and it is an on going process. A never ending story that encompasses 75 years of existence on the planet thus far.

 

The Rambling must go on...connecting dots.

 The journey of self discovery or simply in knowing who you truly are, your 'Unborn Buddha Mind' or Buddha nature', your 'Original Face',  I believe will end up when there is Utter Silence of the mind, some look at it as the death of the ego. This is what I have gathered over the years from my own personal experiences and observations, the Great Minds that I have read and the 'Revelations of the various religious systems and beliefs that i have practiced; they all point toward this end,

"A jīvanmukta, literally meaning 'liberated while living',^[1] is a person who, in the Jain and Vedānta philosophy, has gained complete self-knowledge and self-realisation and attained kaivalya (enlightenment) or moksha (liberation), thus is liberated while living and not yet dead.^[2][3] The jivanmukt being is termed as sayogi-kevali (enlightened one with the body) or Arihant in Jainism. The state is the aim of moksha in Vedānta, Yoga and other schools of Hinduism, and it is referred to as jīvanmukti.^[4][5][6] "

I have been writing on this subject intensively in the past repeating myself over and over in order that i would one day come to fully understand encapsulate and become its true nature or state of being. Far be it for me to have achieved Moksha or Enlightenment when I know i cannot even control my thoughts as they arise and fall independently with images and imaginations that often throw me into a corner like a defeated man feeling sorry and having inferiority complex over the past, future and even the present circumstances of my life. Greed, hate and Delusions still haunts me and I find myself helpless even after years of practicing the different modes of mind bending exercises. It seems like a futile adventure into what is unfathomable and obscure yet it is right there before my eyes day in day out in my wakeful state and my sleep; the 'Monkey Mind' is relentless. 

Yes, every now and then one catches a glimpse of 'the truth' or able to see with clarity of the cause and effect of the matter, however this is mostly at the intellectual level and the mind will still be entrapped by the on going chattering as soon as it gains a foothold into the shallow realization at this level. It took the historical  Gautama Buddha almost lifetime of wanderings and self mortification to subdue the monkey mind and attained enlightenment and he did it by giving up or letting go. When He decided to sit under the Bodhi or Pipal tree to meditate vowing not to move eat or drink until He found the Truth, He was actually committing suicide. If the Buddha had died without attaining Awakening or Complete Enlightenment He would have ended in the Hell realm This was the gambit that the Buddha took when all else failed in His quest to attain Complete Liberation. I highly doubt that the Buddha said to himself, I will sit for forty days before He made the decision to sit and meditate however he did sat for a long period of time and in the process faced many challenges physically as well as mentally and was spiritually tempted by Mara the 'Evil One' or the Dark Lord. The Buddha's success came only when He decided that it was all a waste of time and effort, that in order to become liberated from this life and its inherent nature of suffering one simply has to accept that nothing is real, all is an illusion, ephemeral, just as thoughts are. The act of letting go completely is the key to liberation; this includes the letting go of the believe that there is such a thing as a 'Self', the 'I'. For so long as there is an I, there is suffering.

For those well versed in the teachings of Buddhism it is spiritually acknowledged that the Historical Buddha was not an ordinary man, He was a Bodhisattva Mahasattva or was just about to renounce the material world for good, never to return, no more reincarnations. However He was besieged and urged by the Devas, Gods and Deities to return tot his realm before hanging up his towel; the world was in a chaos and needed to be set straight, at least in ancient India. The country was then ran by Brahmin Priests who exploited the teachings of Hinduism for their own benefit and evil practices was rampant with deviation from the original teachings. One of the distinct act of the Buddha's teaching was to end the Caste system, however with the waning of Buddhism this system persisted till today. I made allot of discoveries about Buddhism when I was staying at the Tassajara Zen Mountain Center and spent most of the cold nights reading rare Buddhist texts that were donated to the library there. I delved deeply into the various schools of Buddhism from the Hinayana, Mahayana and Vajrayana or Tantric school including the lesser schools expounded by later Mendicant monks like Nagarjuna and Shantideva. For those who have the opportunity to be a resident at the Zen Mountain Center would know what a rare treasure trove of Buddhist texts the small library holds. 

The fact that my journey took me to these far away unique places was no coincidence, now that I look back at it. Very few and privileged had or will make it to Tassajara Zen Mountain Center located in the Big Sur of Carmel Valley County. in California. What are the chances that a Malaysian from Sungai Pinang, Kampung Selut, would? From the Mahindarama Buddhist Temple on Kampar Road in Penang to Tassajara was a long trip of a spiritual journey if I may say so myself. I got there by way of Green Bay, Wisaconsin, Sandpoint, Alaska and San Francisco, Ca. and what a trip it was.             

It has not been easy, It might even get harder.

 

Indeed my journey is ending at least one phase and I foresee the beginning another ; I am about to step out of the comfort zone that i have been living for the past seven to eight years. These were the years i had tried to help my two adult children set themselves up and protect them negative influences that i felt would have caused them them their future. I felt back then before we moved into this present apartment that all three of us were simply drifting with no stability in our future especially for my children who were moving in an out of unstable employment and being slowly sucked into bad company. It was my failure as a father not to provide for them a better living condition after  their mother departed, I had given up hope back then seeing that everything I had worked hard for to provide a good home for my family was taken away when our lives were being put to the grind by one mishap after another until my late wife had to be sent home to the US on account of her illness. These negative events in our lives have been written somewhere in this Blog I am positive and there is no need for me to recount them here. These events that have led up to the present situation I find myself in were all along just a part of an ongoing journey that I have chosen for myself whether I had realized it or not at the time, however they were not all hard or uncomfortable nor were they too overwhelming for me not to be able to handle and overcome. 

I have made up my mind that it is time to move on, to take another leap of faith and explore what else is there for me to experience and learn from on the road. It is not going to be easy and to many it might even be madness at my age and with back up plan for survival if things goes south especially my health. Financially I have nothing, not dime to my name and so I will have to swing it like I have done in the past and that being to simply believe in myself and the Good Lord to provide. I can still walk and my health is still not too far off the scale for a seventy five year old and I believe strongly that it is good for me to make this move now as I sense strongly that my relationship with my two children is approaching the point where love and respect for a father is becoming strained and before it is damaged beyond repair I would rather walk away while the going is still good. Oddly enough I do not feel any anger nor regret although a little sad to end our relationship at this point. I will always love and remain a father to all four of my children but i deeply feel that I am not meant to live my old age with any of them without any dire consequences till the day I die. It is my strong commitment and believe in the fact that I love them that I need to leave them to continue my own journey without having to face or answer to any of them. It is my time to depart from this comfort zone that I have been living in being dependent upon their blessings and care.

I have no plan except that as of today I am saying farewell to this phase of my life with the believe that I have done my best to make life as comfortable for  me and my children the past 7-8 years and now it is time to step out of this comfort place and embark upon what lies ahead into the unknown with or without their help or blessings. I have journey to perform and it has yet to come to its final destination, not the way that the I feel it should and most importantly not in the spiritual sense as my soul is still lost in a limbo of weakness and uncertainty, I have yet to write my conclusion to this Blog, one that should end as a victory rather than a defeat as a spiritual seeker for lack of better words to call myself. This entry is my way of saying goodbye to all of my children and perhaps family and friends without sounding too dramatic; simply put I need to do this or die a disappoint. I blame no one especially not my children for they have done much more for me than I could have hoped for a father whose life and past is not what a child would be too proud to share with his or her own children and all I can say is, it is what it is, this is who I am and It is not over yet, I have to bring this journey to its final destination and this journal/Blog to its final conclusion for what it is worth.

 

 

 

     

St. Isaac the Syriac - A good Spiritual Read.

 

"St. Saint Isaac the Syrian once said, "Humility collects the Soul into a single point, by the power of Silence. A truly humble man has no desire to be known or admired by others but wishes to plunge from himself into himself. To become nothing. As if he had never been born. When he is completely hidden to himself in himself, He is completely with God. - Humility of the Soul, St. Isaac the Syrian. "

This is the essence of what i truly understand myself of my search for my spiritual awakening, a lifelong journey of ignorance and naivete for the Light of infinite wisdom and bliss in the presence of my Lord. At the moment, at 4:45 AM, I had just woke up from a dream, another of my 'journey dream'. A dream of getting to a destination but fraught with all kinds of 'weird' experiences and a pleasant ending which got me to continue writing this Blog entry. I had arrived at a point of giving up on making any more entries after my last entry which was of the visit to the Mahindarama Buddhist Temple which was like arriving at last back to where it all began as far as my spiritual journey is concern, however this dream I had woke me up to the fact that my journey is far rom over.

In my dream I was headed for a gathering of my relatives a sort of simple get together somewhere and again I found myself broken away rom my family and traveling alone towards this destination. I found myself along a path where it was all muddy and the people I met were all men from an ethnic group of Muslim Indians and Bangladesh origin. They were all it seems all preparing for the prayer making their ablution along the path wet and muddy path from taps lined up along the path. I was almost naked for some reason and found rags and used cloths which I reluctantly used to cover myself and was encouraged to take my ablution. Later on further down the road I found myself sitting in what seemed like a lecture hall along with these 'Taliban ' looking men and turning around behind me i found my eldest brother sitting behind me with a big smile on his face as though happy to see me there among the devoted Muslims. I woke up with a feeling of being accepted by my Muslim brothers and the gathering I had anticipated that of one of a picnic get together was not the case, it was a gathering of a spiritual brotherhood.

This was a very lucid dream where every sense of me was being put to task especially my ego as I felt the disgust at putting on a worn out shirt given to me along the way to cover myself and the feeling I had of the people around me who were as I explained 'lower' class than I assumed myself to be, they were mostly laborers and of migrant types in origin. It is sad that I forgot most of the details to this dream lucid as it was, but needless to say I was moved by it as it carried a strong message as to where i am headed in my spiritual journey; simply put it is time for me to seriously consider praying five times a day. The peace and bliss that i am looking for as i approach the end of my life is in bowing like everyone else towards the east in the presence of the All Mighty Allah,aza wa jala. Until then I will not find the completion to my final destination while on this road towards redemption. This is where i have to sacrifice my ego in the final stage

"The entire purpose of our Lord's death was not to redeem us from our sins, or for any other reasons, but solely that the world might become aware of the Love that the Lord has for Creation. Had all these astounding affairs taken place for the purpose of the forgiveness of  sin it would have been sufficient to redeem us by some other means, {Chapters on Knowledge 1V.28 excerpt no. 120. In the Wisdom of St. Isaac.}"

Where and when my Spiritual Journey Began.

 

On my way home a few days ago I decided to make a stop at the old Mahindarama Buddhist temple, located on Kampar Road. It is one of the oldest Sri Lankan, Hinayana or Theravadin Buddhist Temple in the country. This temple is of a very close sentimental connection to my past as it is the Temple where my grandfather had a hand in managing the setting up and paintings of the interior. He was commissioned to do the job and was sent here to Georgetown specifically for the purpose. Although much of the exterior of the temple complex has vastly changed to modern day concretized version, I can still visualize the old temple setting of the 50-60 and seventies when I used to visit it every weekend as a student. 

I must have been about two or three years of age when i spent my time at the temple until I was able to learn the Pali Canon, the language of Theravada Buddhism, a language that was said to have been taught by the Buddha when he spread the teachings of Buddhism in the Southern parts of India instead of the old Sanskrit language of the north. As a child I can still remember the temple atmosphere and the young monks from Sri Lanka who adopted me as their pet student as i was the grandson of their favorite artist in residence. #mahindarama, #buddhist, #temple

Mahindarama Buddhist Temple (Sinhala: මහින්දාරාම බෞද්ධ පන්සල, Chinese: 玛兴达拉麻佛寺) is a Theravada Buddhist temple within George Town in the Malaysian state of Penang. The only Sri Lankan temple in the state, it is also one of the select few in Malaysia that houses the relics of the Buddha. The temple becomes a focal point for the annual Vesak Day festivities within the city.  #vesakday, #georgetown, #srilankan

I would sit facing the reclining Buddha while listening to the talks given by the Bhikkhu and one name that stuck in my mind from those childhood days was Gunaratna Mahathero, born 5th.April 1891 and deceased 19th. Jan 1964. He was a very kind and compassionate old monk who knew the circumstances of my childhood growing up among Muslims while raised as a Buddhist. He must have felt the perilous path I was on even as a child walking between Islam and Buddhism. If one ask any Muslim adult if they are comfortable sitting in a Buddhist temple the answer would be a definite no, the smell of insence would be enough to drive them out, the Buddha statue are idols much against the Islamic faith. I was spared of the fear of these images as they were the creations of my grandfather's handiwork as far as I was concern. 

One of my concern even as a child was the food they offered at the temple as I felt even back then that i should not eat pork or even chicken. I was then told by one of the monks not to worry as they were all strictly vegetarian. Today I have no qualms nor fell ill at ease upon entering any house of worship of any denomination albeit Mosque, Churches,  Hindu temples or Gurdwara; I find the Divine in all of them. #recliningbuddha, #gunaratna

Once I was comfortable with visiting the temple on the weekends for my classes I looked forward to the bicycle rides from my home in Sungai Pinang, Kampung Selut, to Counter Hall the area where the temple is located used to be called. In doing so I would have to pass in front of the legendary Malay actor, P.Ramli's house and later down the road my parent's home; I was adopted and raised separate from my immediate family. Again, the Devil is in the details especially this part of my life. However I am positive I have written it all down once or twice in this lengthy Blog. #sungaipnang, #kampung, #selut, #malay

As I am prone to looking back to the past much to the detrimental of my mental health I see now how my formative years spent in juggling between two diversely opposite religious faith at a very young age has contributed much to who I have become mentally and spiritually. If I had not been contemplating and writing it all down for mor than twenty five years now, as my journal keeping did not began with this blogging but with my sketch book journals that started way before the Internet came into being. I never really thought of it as any form of psychological healing process, but simply because I enjoy writing and telling my stories for what it is worth. Now it has become more than just a hobby, it has come to a fruition in some way of giving a more deeper meaning to who I truly am. Being given up for adoption at birth, being raised a Buddhist while the rest of the household of aunts and uncles, cousins and the rest of the village being Muslim was a challenge even for a child and having to deal with religious taboos and the fate of being called a kafir and frowned upon by fellow Muslim classmates was the icing that capped the cake. 
 

I entered the temple as a child one day some 70 odd years ago and little did I realize that one day I would be stepping into the meditation hall of this temple again this time as an elder who had traveled the world. Did an intensive Zen Practice for two years at the San Francisco Zen Center at Green Gulch, Green Dragon Temple and spent time at the Tassajara Zen Mountain Center in The Big Sur in Carmel Valley, California; I had taken Buddhism to task. I have tasted much of what life has to offer and perhaps still not having a clue as to what or where my faith lies in; is there a God or was the Buddha right? Perhaps if any sense is to be made out of this whole journey it is that it is all an illusion as the Great Shakyamuni Buddha had realized, that it is all an illusion. That there is no one who stepped in or out of the gates of this, the Mahidarama Buddhist temple; a Zen saying -you can never step into the same river twice.

. 

The Temple itself has changed and my grandfather's  works are no more here being painted over by others over the years. However to me this small temple still holds a memory of my childhood years, sitting in awe of the statues and the benevolent looks of the old Theravadin Monks whose sense of compassion and understanding kept a frightened child from freaking out and becoming a welcome member of the community; the Sangha.

Namotasa Bhagavato Arahato Sama SamBuddhasang!

Homage to the World and Time Honored One!

Om Muni Muni Mahamuni Shakya Muni, Bodhisvaha!

I first took refuge in the Triple Jewels of the Buddha's teachings here beneath the canopy of my Grandfather's paintings.  

 

'Tanjong Boy' - Azmi Husin's Solo Exhibition at Hin Bus.

 

Attended an Art launching at the Hin Bus Depot of Azmi Husin's primarily Cartoon works. I met and made the acquaintance of this young and multi-talented artist some years ago when he he was still at the stage of making the initial moves towards becoming what he is today. Azmi or Me as he is popularly known among his admirers is today one of the most productive and prolific artist in Penang if not Malaysia. From a very humble beginning he strived and made his way into several Guinness Books of Records, Malaysia for having done this or that. He is also a Mural artist who has his works covering walls all over the City and the State.

Present at the show were Anne and Leroy my brother Lee Khai's wife and son who had just returned from England where Leroy was studying. It was a very pleasant surprise as we have not seen each other for a while now.

The show was titled "Tanjong Life" or City Life. Her we see Azmi's main character in action, the local kid with the buck teeth and mop hairstyle.

One of his favorite medium is black coffee on watercolor paper.

 

My son Karim being drawn to the now discontinued Iconic Penang Ferry. 

Standing among a few of Penang's Artists young and old.

This was taken at one of Azmi's first exhibition and the launching of his first cartoon book.

Japanese Zen Brother Tsuyoshi -G.G. Farm 1984

  I have been feeling negative vibes in general about people and things around me especially in elevators and while driving and mostly towards myself.  This is not a good feeling and very detrimental towards my spiritual practice of self liberation or simply finding peace of mind within me. I blame it on ageing and lack of tolerance as one gets up there in age. Am I a racist? Perhaps I am deep down and try as I may to overcome this nasty trait I still find myself shooting people in the head in my darker nature that is forever lurking in the shadows of my consciousness. I keep finding myself feeling guilty when these negative thoughts arises in me triggered by an external negative event and then I would be asking for forgiveness from my Maker and the to deliver me from these poisonous and toxic tendencies. Astarghfirullah! Forgive me Lord and remove these feelings from me, I would whisper to myself in the hope that it would help to purify my mind if not my soul, frankly, it seldom seems to work except at the very moment in time, after that it is back to cursing and swearing and sometimes murderous intent boils within me. I thought I had been able to put all these behind me through my practices over the years, but I find my anger management issues still is with me waiting for the moment to explode from within. In the Buddhist perspective these are 'deep rooted karma,' and it takes much work to remove them just as one finds that some plants are simply hard to remove for good when one is weeding the garden as they keep returning as if out of nowhere.

So, I ask myself, what is the solution, how do I remove this flaw for good from my consciousness, how do I become free from this feeling of anger towards anything and everything that takes a poke at me, how do I stop being angry at myself for being anger prone? It cost me US75 Dollars an hour visiting a psychiatrist in Marin County, California at the behest of my boss back when i was a department head for Hand H Ship Service for my anger management issues, it did not do much good but it was a good experience as experiences went, like if they ask have you ever been to a shrink? Yes i can say, one of the best supposedly in Marin County, if you know Marin County, Ca. Now it seems the old snake has started to raise it head again threatening to cause an unwonted scene at the slightest of provocation. At my age this is not what to look forward to, I am too old to loose my cool especially at something trivial like being cut off on the road by and idiot or being given a dirty look in the elevator. One would think that by now with all the so called spiritual practices I have been attempting at i should be free from such mundane vexations. Nope! It seems like it gets more intense by the day and I have to keep repeating to myself Astargfirullah or forgive my Lord and protect me from my nafs or my ego. 

Will I ever be able to drop off all these baggage that i have been carrying before i die? Can I ever enlighten myself and become liberated from my egoic nature, my shadow, my ugly side? Perhaps never, perhaps i will walk into my graves till haunted by my deep rooted, ancient and twisted karma those buried deep within my subconscious. It would be like pulling out 'Tongkat Ali' or the root known as, a plant much sought after for its powerful properties when ingested. Most Malays will tell you that it is almost impossible to pull it out of the ground as its single root runs deep into the ground. Talking about plants especially weeds I had an experience one day while weeding the field of spinach at Green Gulch Farm Zen Community. It so happened that I was weeding alongside a Japanese who was visiting the farm while on his way home to Japan, his name was Tsuyoshi Miyoshi, a mountaineering guide and ha just taken a group of Japanese up the Grand Teton. We worked for three hours weeding using the Japanese long handled weeder and was out doing each other seeing who was better and faster at it. He did not speak much English and so most of the time we worked in silence. 

It happened when we finished the last row almost neck to neck and I decided I just wanted to lay down an take a nap in between two rows of spinach bed. I laid the weeder down across the beds and laid down with my neck resting on the handle and my head dropped tilted back looking up at the sky. I saw the sky just above the low hill slope and there were clouds moving across it silently and it was blissful. Then I looked to my left and saw the bed of spinach I had just finished weeding and from the freshly dug soil I noticed small baby plants sprouting out of the ground like in a slow motion movie. The baby weeds popped out of the ground before my eyes and started to grow as though mocking me. Just as I was lost in this surprise I was shocked out of my mind by a loud yell,"Buta!" or Pig! There he stood with his chin resting on his weeder handle, Tsuyoshi was looking down at me with a silly grin on his face! I shot up and we both laughed and started for the Zendo where we sat beside each other in meditation as thought it was what we were supposed to do with our dirt covered cloths and exhausted body and mind, we sat till it was time for the rest of the Zen students came in to join us for their scheduled sitting time. 

Tsuyoshi left for Japan a few days after and he left behind all his mountaineering cloths and a tent. Even if we could not communicate much in language we were spiritually connected on a deeper level that i felt had helped me to face all the trials and tribulations I had at Green Gulch especially the prejudices and being made to feel not welcome by many older students. My experience with Tsuyoshi gave me the courage I never knew I had in facing people.  

Have they hacked my Blog?

 I believe my Blog has been hacked or whatever is done to stop or discourage me from further expressing my views about my life and life in general positive or otherwise. It is sad, but it is as expected when one's believe of freedom is indeed proven to be time and again is but a grand illusion and as is  suspected and expressed by many who are awakened to the reality of our very existence we are indeed living in some form of simulated preconditioned existence, just we have been conditioned from the moment of our birth by parents, education and society as we grew older. Now mankind has arrived at an Owelian stage where the few is in control over the many. This is the Jihad that man has to struggle against in order to call himself a free man, to be able to stand up and deliver as a man truly in control of himself and his very existence on this Planet without any time for justification or excuses. Either this or die indeed a slave to his own self constructed prison, shackled by the dark side of his nature in the form of demons and  jinns at the behest of their masters the powers that be. It really does not matter anymore whatever happens to this Blog as it has done what it was aimed to do from the very beginning and that is to express my inner thoughta and feeling about my own preconceived thoughts and ideas in the effort to understand them and liberate myself from their demonic and toxic hold on me. This Blog is not for anyone other than myself to reflect over what is truth and what is false, what is the real and what is Not real. This it has been doing over the years from the day it was conceived as a Blog.

Those who are paid to do the censorship of any freedom of expression on the Internet aught to realize how wrong it is for them to do so as it will have a affect over them and their own children and their children to come. The Internet is God's gift to mankind so as to make it possible for man to stay in touch with one another no matter how far or near we are to one another, from all walks of life, color or creed, we are gifted the gift of instant communication in order to aid in our solving the causes of our misunderstandings and animosities that have plagued us since we learned to kill as in the Biblical sense the action of Kane over his brother Abel. Ever since we have no found the cure to suffering even when the Historical Buddha walked the Earth and realized the means to end our suffering. We are bound and determined to end our existence in a cataclysmic overture at the end of our so called days as we approach to inevitable of utilizing the Nuclear Bomb in order to establish our supremacy over our opponents, our darker side, our shadow. Man is drowning into darkness as he is drawn towards obliterating any form of light that seeks to pull him out from this predicament; man has chosen ignorance over his God given sense of Wisdom and Compassion.

Man has become self serving more so than ever and his narrow mindedness has led him towards his narrow minded ways which is all for the mere thought of survival: me and mine comes first.

"Maya - is imagining that what one is imagining is happening outside of one's imagination," -Shunyamurti.

'This the definition of 'Reality' to those in the Egoic state of mind consciousness, mistaking the real for the unreal and the unreal for the real. ...in this fallen culture of {modern day life,} no one has gone through the rights of passage of ego death...or even to adulthood in which one could choose ego death...this becomes a problem to those on the spiritual path or functioning as spiritual guides.'  Shunyamurti -Are you Dreaming or being Dreamed.

Whether dreaming or being dreamed, I am sure of the fact that I am not in control of my freedom to express while making these posts in my own Blogging. It is like I am being monitored by some mother fuckers who have excess to the knowhow in manipulating the Internet making sure that whatever is expressed is not against their own interest or that of their employers. This is not the first time this has happened and I am weary of worse things can happen if I am not careful of what i write. However so be it, I am not in this for any monetary interest nor do I care if I become famous for it, I just am sad that all my years of recording my life would be totally for nothing.   

Here's to 'Wishing You Were Here.'

 Legendary Pink Floyd musician, Roger Waters on Palestine Deep Dive with Matt Kennard and Ahmed Kanaouk, You Tube podcast.

"This is Not war! This is Genocide!" #genocide #rogerwaters #pinkfloyd #deepdive #mattkennard #ahmedkenaouk #palestine

How do they go to sleep at night? They don't, I don't and I am finding that out more and more of late. I woke up in the middle of the night almost exactly to the second and this is where i ended up after listening to the above podcast. Yes I have Gaza on my mind and although deep down I know whatever i feel is of no consequence to me personally as bottom line, I do not exist and all these are just pigments of my imagination, I still find myself attached to the sad feeling in me whenever the word Palestine comes to mind in whatever form. Yesterday morning I was sharing my thoughts with my friends at the Fisherman's Jetty over the Palestine conflict, especially over why the Muslims nations does not offer to accept Palestinians refugees into their country or adopt Palestinian children and so forth. The other question most talked about among Malays in this country is why the Muslim Nation like Iran does not go all out war with Israel. In answer to the later question my opinion is that no leader would like to be responsible for starting a Nuclear war no matter the cause. To the first question my take is what i learn from talks and videos on YouTube mostly and that is, the Palestinians refuse to leave their country as they know this is exactly what the Zionist Israel would like them to do and if they leave there is no hope returning. I feel the Palestinians have gone beyond this narrative. #zionist #israel #muslimnations #iran

Hence if i ask myself when was the last time I thought about the Palestinian Genocide, I can say honestly, yesterday morning at the Malay Fisherman's Jetty where usually hang out of have my breakfast. These are not intellectuals or highly educated gentlemen and their feelings over the matter are more than genuine when they talk of Palestine "Wishing they were there." to lend a helping hand if not kill a Zionist Israeli soldier. This morning my mind on the subject was triggered by stumbling upon the above mentioned podcast. I had been a lifelong fan of Pink Floyd from the day I was introduced to the album, "Wish you were here." This happened in Green Bay, Wisconsin when i was a student at the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay, {UWGB}. I remember it was in the spring of 1978-9 when I had just returned from my trip to the Southwest States of New Mexico, Arizona and Colorado and was catching my breath on the floor of the hostel where two of my Thai friends were staying. They were from wealthy families in Thailand and had money to splurge as I remember, one was the son of number one man of the Thai Airways, the other was his cousin. #arizona #mexico #colorado #newmexico #uwgb #greenbay #wisconsin

Having driven for almost a whole month on a round trip which began at the UWGB and driven all the way down to the southern borderline of the United States and Mexico in between the Sonora Desert and the Organ Pipes Mountains of Arizona  to Denver, Colorado and back to Wisconsin, I was burnt. I crashed at the Thai Boys' place in the living room with a bottle of Whiskey they provided and the Album, "Wish You Were Here" was on the turntable. I never liked hard rock before and never listened to Pink Floyd ever and when I lay on the floor half drunk with the earphones in my head, I was transported to a whole new dimension of life that I never thought was possible for me. The music brought me back to life, I had contemplated ending my life earlier, {another story, another time} however after i had listened to the entire album and fallen into a very deep sleep with the earphones still stuck to my head I was rejuvenated, I was revitalized and energized from my long and arduous journey and I was ready to complete my work studies and hand in to my instructors my works I did while on the road. #sonoradesert #organpipesmountain ##

On my last trip for my degree program at the University was done in Malaysia and one of my destination was to Sarawak where my twin brother was then a director of the Malaysian Handicraft Center in Kuching, Sarawak. Through his connections he arranged a trip for me that took me to stay at the Long House of the Iban Tribe a trip I will never forget. However on a related subject that I am writing about, my twin brother had just bought the Album "Wish You Were Here" and had it out on the carpet floor facing the turntable like an invitation for my attention. It was a very pleasant surprise and I listened to the Album not telling him that it was my favorite album back then too, almost a semester earlier while in Green Bay, Wisconsin. 

Perhaps Roger Waters will write a song entitled, "I got Gaza on my mind." After listening to him over many podcasts on the subject of  Human Rights, I have come to have greater respect for the man and not just his incredible music, but as a human being. It is sad that his course of actions have caused a rift between him and the rest of the Pink Floyd boys, however on his own he has still kept a good many followers and fans. KUDOS! #gaza 

Hand colored Black and White Photos.

  

Loading Ice blocks on to the fishing boat to be used as coolers for the fish caught. This was in Telok Bahang fishing village, I doubt this practice is still ongoing today what with modern technology. Telok Bahang is on top Northwest edge of the Island of Penang. It is today and very popular tourist spot.

  

These were hand painted what used to be black and white photos found at a garbage dump at the University when a building was renovated. Some of these pictures were very good shots perhaps taken by Photography students handed in to be evaluated by the prof. 

 

This scene of the boys playing in the flood waters of the high tide reminds me of my own childhood growing up in Sungai Pinang, Kampung Selut where a more extreme scene was what I grew up as children of similar age as the boys in the picture.

 

Playing soccer in the muddy waters was a pastime that most children enjoyed to the fullest as it involved getting wet and muddy.

The following are pictures taken of a lady de-husking a coconut which takes some knowhow and no easy task.

Collecting seashells or clams along the beach makes a good  well balanced photo shoot. Coloring these black and white photos with water  color was an interesting undertaking as it allowed for many pleasant surprises in the outcome.