With a new car my ...I celebrate Aidil Fitri...The last day of the Fasting Month.. The Eve of Hari Raya Posa!

Forgot to suck my tummy in! What would Ben Rongen say!

On the 27th. day of the Fasting Month I visited the Museum Gallery Tuanku Fauziah,(MGTF) - University Sains Malaysia,(USM) driving my new car that was two days old to get there. It has been a long time since I visited the Galleri and I was pleasantly surprised to find a printmaking exhibition was going on and two of my works were selected for the show. While I was there I was also introduced to a group intern students by my friend the Director, Hasnol J. Saidon who asked me to give them brief talk about art and I did. I talked about,  'What is 'originality' entails in the creative process of creating an art piece and how to attain this 'original idea.' I introduced them to the art of 'Meditation'.

Two pieces of my Monoprints which donated to the Museum years ago was selected to be among the collective works of printmaking techniques represented at the exhibition. Monoprint technique has always been my favorite medium of epression as an artist apart from sketching and drawing. I preferred it more so than painting, however to do it one has to have a printing press or a printmaking studio.

One of my watercolor and ink sketches of random faces which I entitled,'Faces of Destiny'  was well received when I posted it on Facebook. It is interesting to note that most of those who like or commented my art posts on fb are not artists themselves. Overtime I noticed this trend and removed most of the so called artist fb friends I have as I was supporting them through my like and comments but not getting any reciprocal from them at all when I post my works; I decided to clean up my fb space to allow for more space and less distractions.

This sketch I did a portrait of one of my Chinese artist friends 'Ip Seng' was done in Balik Pulau during the Fasting of 7/2012 and I posted it on fb a few days ago just to share my style of sketching a portrait when I felt like doing so and this sketch captured the character well. I have no idea why this sketch insist on appearing on this post, it was not planned in other words, it appeared by mistake, my inability to work with the computer after all these years and after over 2000 blog entries made...I still type with one finger.

A sketch done the same time in the same sketchbook of  7/2012 of the Malay fisherman's jetty which I also posted on fb which was also well received by my non artist fb friends. This sketching reminded me of my dear friend who passed away a few months back. This evening on the final day of the fasting month I visited the Malay Fishermen's Jetty and celebrated the Raya Eve mostly listening to Mamu Non,.. berating over the poor handling of the announcing the actual Raya date throwing the whole Malay Muslim nation into a very traumatic and chaotic state of minds....,who to blame! in these day and age of modern technologies ...Salam Aidil Fitri...Selamat hari Raya! We talked about our departed frind, Arwah Lee Bakoi.

#hariraya,#aidilfitri,#fastingmonth,#printmaking,#mgtfusm#

Ramadan Confessions and revelations.

 And when it all comes to a peaceful stand off this early in the morning, listening to ,'Last of the Mohicans,' theme songs on You Tube played by different orchestras and styles helps to raise the spirit. There is a 3 hour long repetitious video of the tune which I often use as my background music when I write. The tune has a melancholic sway to it that moves my heart into its rhythm keeping my mind floating upon the waves of consciousness not attached to anything in particular except my fingers dancing upon the keys creating thoughts as they flow out into forms of expression to how I am feeling...and the morning has broken... the sky is turning from darkness to hues of purple to crimson red...outside my window. I overslept this morning however and was unable to prepare the 'Saur' food for my son and I and so we just drank water and milk and I ate two pieces of Kurma (dates) just before the 'Subuh azan' came from the mosques all around our apartment starting the fasting for the day; no more eating or drinking for the rest of the day. This is the eleventh day of the Fasting Month of Ramadan and the war in the Ukraine is still raging just as the genocide in the Gaza and the rest of Palestine has become and endemic of human brutality towards the oppressed and Yemen is dying day by day of hunger and starvation while Syria lay in ruins; I am fasting.

 I, (now every time I say I) there is a pause in my mind, like which I am I using in addressing myself. If it makes any sense what I am trying to say is the I that I am used to go by in the past seem 'shallow', not truly the I that I am. Not the infinite eternal I, the I of supreme consciousness, the Atman, or the unborn Buddha nature, the I that is awakened, enlightened, the I of my higher consciousness, of being.... the Divine I. It's just a pause, like I have another higher immortal self that I am addressing myself through. Not that it means much more than the fact that it is just another added dimension to my understanding of who I truly am and am still dealing with a full acceptance of this fact. It is sadi that there things that cannot be shared especially through words no matter how much one wishes to share these thoughts for clarity before final acceptance as a fact of life. It is a giant step to take what the God within has to offer, that Divine partnership of omniscience and omnipotent, of immortality and infinite wisdom, of supreme being and consciousness; it is indeed beyond my capability to bear the ramification not to mention the burden of responsibility for such a station in this life at this moment; it would be like the acceptance of becoming an enlightened being or a prophet. Hence which I am I using when saying I in my daily communication as in this writing itself; am I the personality or the Divine I?

Somewhere a long time ago I have posted something about the Book called, The Master Key by Charles F. Haanel., a book I had brought along with me when I left Malaysia for the first time to settle down in the United States, I was 25 years of age then. The few lines that I had stuck in my mind from the book is a form of auto suggestion that I was instructed to keep repeating to myself daily;

"I am Whole, Perfect abd Complete, Strong and Powerful, 

Loving and Compassionate, Harmonious and Happy.

And I ca do what I wish to do, Insha'Allah or so help me God."

Till this day I still recite these words to my self every now and then especially in time of dire need and today I feel like these words of self assertion are beginning to come to fruition in my daily life. I am and never was a religious person in the sense that I could never pray like the devout Muslim of my brothers and sister do nor can I fully surrender myself without doubt to the Lord's Will much as I claim myself to, but I am very conscious of these my short comings an have most of my adult life spent great amount of time and energy in trying to understand why I am the way I am. This lengthy Blogging of my life is my way of trying to make some sense out of all the non-sense that I have accumulated, manifested and thought of as who or what I am or think myself to be, but after all these years of dedicating myself towards my spiritual studies I am still at a lost; I still feel I am lost. It seems like whatever truth that I am seeking or hope to find is not out there and it never has been. All the teachers and books, practices and belief  I have had seems are just partial truths and never the whole truth. I have felt the despair and a sense of being lost in a limbo and being not a religious person I find no comfort in the prayers and scriptures like a devout Muslim or Christian would in their religious faith; I find God within me and am not able to fully surrender to the fact that He is truly there in my heart of heart.

 

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Addressing God in the Month of Ramadan

  In silence, God speaks. The silence of pure consciousness with no thought formations and fabrications, perceptions and impulses, 'the silence of the lambs.' So God has spoken, (again), this time in the writings of Joseph Benner and as always God made perfect sense and no matter how one look at it, God in all His infinite Mercy and Compassion spoke with the voice from within me, my Higher Self, my Divine Self and God resides in the Heart of my heart; like the teachings of the ancient Hindu, God is Me. I am That I am...Tat tvam asi. God spoke as the Unborn Buddha Nature, that which is before my parents met. I Am That and I will remain as I am no matter how or where this life will take me, no matter how much I have experienced all it has to offer and learned all it has to teach albeit good or evil: I Am That. Now the question has always been, how do I stay in that state of my divine nature and stop flapping back and forth like a torn flag at the mercy of the wind of change, how do I stay in this state of infinity and in complete consciousness. How do I desist from drifting here and there like a cork floating down the rapids of consciousness itself? Silence! It is in silence God speaks.

"Silence is both the Way and the goal of meditation. The Silence that is being referred to is the silence of wakeful consciousness, aware of itself, as it really is. Not projecting out fantasies and affects and mental objects, not deluding oneself, not being filled with chatter, not being sleepy and spaced out...not being the desire or fear..."  - Shuniamurti Satsang. 

The great minds of both East and West has long persuaded the act of 'surrendering', of giving in or giving up to the inevitable and 'go with the flow', Surrendering to one's inner Higher Consciousness or Divine Nature if one has come into its realization through the journey of self discovery, knowing who you are or your true nature like what I have been wasting much of my time on for the past decades, sometimes consciously sometimes not. God has spoken and among the things He pointed out is to give it up all these run around seeking and searching and know that I am Him and He is Me and we are in this game of life together like it or not and I totally agree, He knows it and I know it, however He is definitely in control and I am still flip flopping. I need to surrender all my thoughts and perceptions, my past and my future expectations, I need to pull the hand brake all the way and seize all mental activities. If I am a car it would be a overhaul time of the whole system inside out, from engine oil change to wheel alignments, from battery water to windshield wipers, making sure that all is in optimal condition for a good driving condition, where one has no thought or worries about the car functioning its best. When your physical body is free of ailments of any kind and the mind is aligned with its capacity to function at its maximum, then the spirit can express its being-ness, unobstructed at the highest divine level. This is my shallow take on how far or near I am from beginning to full comprehend who or what I am in the cosmic scheme of things; what is impeccable is my Lord's plan and what is fallible is mine to still work on. 

Acceptance is the like the final ac of surrendering, giving up or giving in to whatever fate or dtiny that lay in store for me. After all the years of studying and practicing, experiencing and participating after all the blood, sweat and tears, of sleepless nights and self denigration, I find myself at the end of my journey and I accept it all and hand it over to The All Mighty, Allah (SHWT) the Lord of the Universe, the Divine within me; the Voice of Silence.  I am no more. My will is Hiis Will, my actions are His actions, my thoughts are His thoughts. I can keep writing this on and on till the day I die and mostly probably still not convince myself that I am truly transcended in my realization towards being liberated from my ego self, the me that I have been thinking and assuming as who I am and through which falsehood I have squandered all my resistance and became  an incorrigible sinner. However write on I shall and keep on exposing myself and my errors of the past I will till my confessions is heard and answered from within. I shall keep on chipping away at my soul so as to cleanse myself, purify and sanctify myself and placing myself before His presence to be heard and accepted with the blessings of His infinite Mercy and Compassion if not His Love.

#loveandcompassion,#ramadan,#acceptance,#shuniamurtisatsang,#tatvamasi,#pureconsciousness,#iamthat

 

   

The Ramadan confessions - Revelations

 It seems like there is a constant pressure applying itself upon my mind and body fro without especially in the form of thoughts, sometimes heavy thoughts of sins and past faults and transgressions causing guilt if not fear a s a result. Part of ageing? Growing old and expecting imminent death at any time is causing the mind to regurgitate past issues that were not resolved and keeps one in constant depression wondering if one is destined for hell in the after life. Many an enlightened being would laugh if not frown over this mental/emotional state of being. What's is the use or what good is all the years of soul searching, spiritual practices and disciplines when it all boils down to this; I should have gotten use to bowing five times a day like the rest of my fellow Muslims. Perhaps my inability to do so, to perform this second pillar of Islam is causing the discomfort that I am experiencing in my heart. I can keep going down this path and accumulate much more heavy duty guilt upon myself the things I should do or have been doing in order to secure a peace of mind if not a place in heaven when I die, but it is not an easy solution as I have chosen the path of a seeker of truth in spirituality, in faith and in surrendering my soul at the end of the day.

Like a broken record i will keep telling myself that I have place my faith in The Lord and being a converted Muslim I call Him by His Arabic Name, Allah Subhana huwaTaala, or Lord of the Universe. In this nothing in this or the afterlife can deter me unless it is done with the shrewdest form of manipulation that beguiles my mind at the last moment of my breath. I write this down, again, as a testimony and a plea to the All Mighty that I be savd from being swayed in my standing in the profess that, Laillahaillalah! Muhammad ul  Rasullalah." There no God, only Allah and that Muhammad is His Messenger. May I go to the grave with this final declaration in my heart; I am always with my Lord and HE IS WITH ME! 

And as it is said, the Devil is in the details.

I am a sinner, no doubt about it. I have sinned on numerous occasions and in numerous ways a man could in my past and perhaps still am committing them in my present. I ask myself the same question my entire adult lffe, Why? No matter how I try to justify I can never come up with an answer but only to vilify myself over and over with doubts and regrets. From a song by Peter, Paul and Marry, "I am a man of constant sorrow and I've seen troubles all my days...For in this world, I'm bound to ramble..." For some odd reason this song had stuck in my mind among others like the stacks in the jukebox of collected favorites since I was thirteen or fourteen. My teenage years were the years of tumultuous reckoning, of anger and pain of rejection and abuse; I was drowned in self pity and the only way out of this pit was to embrace the very anger and hate I had and become the one to inflict the pain; I became the sinner with no recourse or remorse. Yes, indeed, the Devil is in the details! I knew no shame or guilt nor did I care who I hurt or the damage I caused; I was beyond redemption and perhaps still is nonredeemable in the eyes of my Lord...for in my anger sorrow and pain, I pointed finder up to the dark sky one night and cursed His Name for having given me this life of pain and suffering; I was thirteen.

I threw caution and conscience to the wind and thumping my chest like an angry gorilla I set out to satisfy myself in every way I could I allowed my ego free reign and this ego laid to waste many great relationships and brought upon itself curses from those who I betrayed and those I had disappointed. I can never ask for forgiveness for my transgressions from each and every person or sentient beings I had been wrong to but I feel deeply that only my Lord can find the means for this forgiveness. Hence I accept my fate and surrender myself fully to His Mercy and hope that I can be forgiven through His Blessing. 

Yesterday evening while listening to a few Videos on You Tube on talks given by Alan Watts and Suniamutrti I stumbled upon a video that sent chills down my spine as it was as though my higher consciousness or as the video implied, God talked to me directly.The Video called, 'The Impersonal Life' by Joseph Benner sent shock waves through my mind as I listened to God addressing me and laying out His Plans and where I stand in the Divine scheme of things. Never have I heard such powerful and complete talk that addressed just about every issue I had written on this post prior to this last paragraph. My repeating the thought provoking words of this Audiobook produced by "Learn-out-loud" on You Tube hit at the core of my being and I felt like I was listening to my Higher Self or God explaining in detail all that I needed to hear and ironically in this case God is in the details. Doubtless to say I felt an ease in my soul, like a lead shroud has been lifted from my consciousness revealing the unseen truth meant for healing this splintered soul of who I have been thinking to be me. This experience, this revelation is like the blessing/redemption of the Fasting Month of Ramadan thus far from my Higher Consciousness/God. #ramadan,#revelations,

In response to 'God' of Joseph Benner's, 'The Impersonal Life,' I was led to listen to a Video on the Philosophy of Spinoza simply by chance or out of curiosity or perhaps, God's will...

"The road to these things I have pointed out now seems very hard, but it can be found and off course something that is found so rarely is bound to be hard. For if salvation is ready to hand and can be found without great effort, how could it come about that almost everyone neglects it? But excellence is as difficult as it is rare." ... Ethics-Spinoza. 'A Complete Guide to Life.' -You Tube.

 #josephbenner,#higherself,#theimpersonallife,#spnoza,#ethics

Ode to The Holy Month of Ramadan.

A the Month of Ramadan is here! The holy month where the gates of heaven is flung open and that of hell is on lock down: I am still  trying to come to grip as to the meaning and ramification of this. It is the month where all sins of the past may be erased if the right offerings of prayers and devotion are being made and the right intention is being manifested towards the All Mighty, The Lord of Creation. This is the month whereby one's faith and devotion is being put to the grind, physically, mentally and spiritually. It is the Month of months whereby Islam came into being with the bestowing of the Holy Scripture of the Quran to humanity from the Lord of Mercy via His Prophet (PBH) Muhammad the Messenger. It is the Month where mankind is reminded of the suffering and transcendence of life, the beauty and frailty of life, the grandiose and impermanence of life that we live in this our allotted time on this plane of existence. It is during this month that mankind is asked to look deep within and discover for himself that which is real and that which is not, that which is everlasting and that which is not and that which is enlightening and that which is not; it is the Month where man is left to his own devices and free from any external influences good or evil in the performance of his spiritual path as the evil is under lock down.

For the faithful, the believers and the ignorant and non believers alike, the Month of Ramadan will have an effect in one way or another. It is not just a matter of whether you fast of you don't, not whether you perform your prayers or you don't, is is more of a wake up call towards the realization of what it is to be a human being, to be in the fellowship of man, to be chosen ones among the rest of sentient beings inhabiting this planet. To fully understand and accept this station of being a warden, a caretaker, a vicegerent, a Khalifah on this planet. To thos who often ask of themselves, what is the purpose of one's life or who am I or what a I, the answers is in how seriously one observe the obligations of this Holy Month, how one spend the time in introspection and deep meditation over the spiritual development and understanding of who one is in the over all scheme of existence. If half a billion Muslims devote themselves in the fulfillment of the rites of the Month of Ramadan, imagine how much spiritual energy and consciousness is being generated throughout the planet in the form of prayers and healing and there are more than half a billion of Muslims in this world; this in essence is the Beauty and Purpose of the Month of Ramadan...WallahuAlam! ... as the Muslim says, only The Lord knows...AllahuAkhbar!

It is not an easy thing to try to fully grasp the significance of a religious practice untill one has fully put it to practice. Whether it is Yoga or a Pooja ritual, a prayer performed five times a day, or the burning of paper money for the ancestors at the grave site or carrying a crucifix or a kavadi as a penance along a designated route. A religious practice is meant to create a collective discipline for a religious group or sect where everyone is required if not mandated to be participating in. To not be doing it would place a person as a non believer or one who is disobedient towards his religion and often subject to punishment or rejection, ostracized from the group. This is the nature of religions if you observe the precepts accordingly you are lifetime member and destined for the future awards if not in this life, in the afterlife and if you fail to than you are faced with the hell realms of one kind or another. In all these man is given the free will to choose his own destiny. He is said to make his own choice in living his life accordingly given with what he has been allotted with in a lifespan. This is my shallow understanding of the whole matter as I am sure much better explanations are out there from great religious minds. 

I am an eclectic  

1. PHILOSOPHY

   denoting or belonging to a class of ancient philosophers who did not belong to or found any recognized school of thought but selected doctrines from various schools of thought.

noun

1. a person who derives ideas, style, or taste from a broad and diverse range of sources.

    Throughout most of my life I have tried to live according to how or what I interpret life to be according to what I perceive, believe or have faith in. I was once told in a dream I had some 40 years ago while staying in Central City Colorado as a guest to an elderly artist Mr.Angelo Di Benedetto in his studio residence. I woke up while still hearing someone in my dream shouting in my ear, "You are an ecletic!" I wrote the word down immediately not knowing how it was spelt but simply ;Eklektik and at breakfast I showed it to Angelo and he explained the word to me. I will never forget this experience and I have written about it in the past in this Blog an so for a more detailed look at the story look back to my earlier postings. It was a wake up call for me as I pondered upon the significance of this dream and its implications; there was and is no doubt that I have lived my life as an eclectic; I picked and choose the best of all possibilities as my choice of believe or faith. 

     

Moonfall - The Movie.- Part One

 Yesterday my son Karim came home from work announcing that we have movie to watch, a movie directed by one of our favorite directors, Roland Emmerich.

Roland Emmerich is a German film director, screenwriter, and producer. He is widely known for his science fiction and disaster films and has been called a "master of disaster" within the industry. Wikipedia

Film — He is also known for directing films such as Universal Soldier (1992), Stargate (1994), Independence Day (1996), Godzilla (1998), The Patriot (2000), ...

Spouse(s): Omar De Soto ​(m. 2017)​

Years active: 1979–present

Born: 10 November 1955 (age 66); Stuttgart‎, ...‎

‎Midway (2019 film) · ‎The Day After Tomorrow · ‎2012 (film) · ‎Stonewall (2015 film)

Moonfall was one of Emmerich's latest Sci-fi movies that depicts the moon as a technologically constructed entity that was constructed billions of years ago by the power of  collective universal consciousness and was in the process of being undermined by an artificial intelligence with the intent of eliminating all natural lifeforms like humans. This is my own simplfied take on the story line of the movie. Hence why I am making this post  as the movie sort of manifested my earlier post in saying that human consciousness has an affect upon the manifestation of universe.a theory of which I have been mulling over ever since I came upon it after reading it somewhere sometime in the past. I mentioned it in my last post in passing not realizing that I was about to watch a movie being made based upon this principle. The subject of consciousness has become one of my most fascination over the years as I stumble through my ignorance in looking for answers as to the nature of my existence. Today much has been written and investigated by the scientific as well as spiritual community around the world with regard to the nature of human consciousness an what it entails.

For a long time I have been reluctant to express my full commitment in to the subject as I felt myself as not fully qualified and ill equipped to do so. However after having watched the Moonfall, the movie, albeit a fiction written for the screen, I felt that a small amount of truth has been expressed with regard to the power of collective human consciousness. The movie triggers unanswered questions which for ages have intrigued the human mind. Is the universe a product of our collective consciousness and by collective I do not only mean our human of planet earth alone but consciousness existing throughout the galaxies wherever life has evolved to a state of awakened consciousness. If so then the role each and every sentient being upon this planet and myriads other like it is somewhat mapped out for us, we are coded into a collective    energy with a single function and that is to project our energy into manifesting what we envision our universe to be in time and space.

In Buddhism it is called Maya, this universe of ours, an illusion, a dream that is impermanent in nature. However it is also a reality as reality is relative to the mind that behold this phenomena. Only an awakened mind can distinguish between the real and the unreal, the eternal and the impermanent as only an absolute consciousness is capable of manifesting what is. To be able to participate in the manifestation of ur thoughts and imaginations the mind has to become silenced or single pointed. This is the primary requisite of any being in having the capacity to create or make an impact upon the manifestation in this universe no how large or minuscule the impact it may have. Most of humanity's consciousness exist in a sleeping state or unconscious state where the mind exist in a dream state where anything and everything is possible like clouds appearing and disappearing at the blink of an eye. For those who have made the effort to awaken or remain in a state of consciousness reality becomes much more permanent and to a great extent manageable; reality can be forged and shaped accordingly. Hence "I am the master of my thoughts and consciousness," is one of the affirmations practiced in the form of Raja Yoga, or Yoga of the Mind. The human mind perhaps holds the key to the whole universe if and when it is being brought to absolute single pointed consciousness like a flawless diamond it can radiate a force of energy to transcend space and time at will where form and emptiness merges into one and only being-ness is. I know it is not an easy explanation to follow especially for those who are not well versed in the science of human consciousness/spirituality, it is not something that is laid out in words, it is more of an intuitive conjecture. Furthermore this kind of knowledge is not something one shares easily with the lay person who has little or no interest in such an ambiguous subject. 

It imperative that as a human being I must try to arrive at a stage of self  realization that will enlighten my consciousness to a degree of acute awareness with clarity and transcendence. Either I achieve this level of existence or at the very least become aware that this life that I have been living is an illusion made up of thought formations and mental ignorance. At the very least that I know I am not this physical form nor am I my mental state. That I am far more transcendent and a highly spiritually evolved being with the knowledge if not absolute  realization of my true and original nature. That I am not the by product of a collective consciousness or evolution of a species. I am Whole, Complete and perfect, Strong and Powerful, Loving and Compassionate, Harmonious and Happy and that I can do what I will to do, Insha'Allah, so help me Lord.

  

Ramblings of a wayward mind.

 Life was allot more simpler and relaxed when I was not paying to much attention to my faith and belief, to what lies in the hereafter and how far or how near I am to God. However living in th proximity of two mosques and one of thye largest Chinese cemetery has caused my mind to become preoccupied with loads of issues and religious doubts and questions. The Internet is also a major contributor towards this ramblings in my mind especially when my Face Book page is being loade with all kinds of religious issues pros and cons, rights and wrongs and heaven and hell. It is like I am witnessing a cruel God bound and determined to justify His wrath over all those who choose to take the journey of self discovery, the road less traveled, the path of no path the way of no way in order to understand the truth of what religion is all about. I feel like a drifter who knows not where or when to drop my anchor and call the station my home for I am still drifting across the ocean of life wondering. 

More and more I see suffering manifesting like cancerous boils all over the world in the form of wars and famine, broken homes and destitution, souls lost to corruption and degeneration and I feel a sense of helplessness and foreboding for my fellow mankind. We are it seems bound and determined o head for self destruction as we are fueled by our own sense of greed, hate and ignorance. I feel dreaded by the desecration we have wrought upon our environment laying to waste vast tracks of forests and generating chaotic climate changes with unprecedented natural disasters all over the planet. It is as though I am dying as parts of me begin to give way to the onslaught of decadence and chaos. It is imperative that my mind needs to divest itself from all these negative influences that is making an impact upon my well being. Hence I keep asking the same old questions that has haunted me, who am I and how do I fit into all these and how do I liberate myself from it all without becoming overly drastic or dramatic like committing suicide to end it all.

One of the questions is what went wrong with the state of humanity to have led to this level of decadence that we are facing today, like why is the world seem so messed up at all levels. The answer as one spiritual teacher explained is the falling apart of the law that governs human nature primarily. Mankind has cast aside the very principles that helps to govern the right and wrong actions of us all, it has been the voice of conscience within us, guiding us through the rough terrains and deep gullies of our paths so that we do not fall along the way due to our own ignorance. Today at every levels of our human interactions we have flaunt the laws with impunity and disdain, we are oblivious to its cause and effects and we cater to our lawlessness to serve our egocentric insatiable desires at the expense of others. The first law of Moses, "Thou shalt not kill.," has become practically obsolete in our modern day existence as thousand upon thousands are being killed daily in the form of one violence or another and the price of a human life is that of the price of a bullet. Yes it is doom and gloom a picture that I perceive this scenario we are in as a specie that is endowed with a free thinking mind unlike the rest of other creatures that walk the earth and yet we are the harbinger of death and destruction to it.

Over the past seventy years I have seen and experienced the best of times and the worse and till this date I am still wondering if it is all predestined or simply life playing out its allotted span of time for me as an individual. It is said by the ancient as well as the modern day wise men that we as consciousness help to shape and manifest our existence on this planet, we create it and destroy it at our own  choices. The Universe is an extension of who we truly are for who understand the very nature of our being, we are the creators and we are the preservers and destroyers of this our home and our existence, individually or collectively, consciously or unconsciously, with awareness or unaware. The Lord created man in His image as most religious text expound but He allowed us the free will to be and act as we please while we are on this plane of existence; we are on loan for an experiment that The Lord has set in motion for whatever reason He may have. To have faith is to trust in the Lord's agenda for humanity and to play my role to the best of my ability in fulfilling it. I feel it to my responsibility to come to a true understanding of this  spiriutual principle that has been written in the Book of Life or better known as the 'Loh mahfuz,' in the teachings of Islam. My role is to make it happen whatever it is that I am here to fulfill as a believer. I have declared it often enough and will here say it again the I have complete faith in the Lord's Way and with this in mind I will continue to pursue  the right path of understanding in who or what part I am to play in this life; simply put, what is the purpose of my life?

Pictures that stirs memories and tells you where you were/ what you did......

The view of Balik Pulau behind me, (the other side of the Island) was taken not too long ago and it is here to remind me of where I am at these days in this montage of looking back in time of my live. I was here at 72 Years of age, penniless and living with my children, but I was happy. The year 2021.

My visit to Kuala Terengganu, on the East Coast of the Peninsular here I was sitting at the dinner table with my nephew who took me for the best Satay in town. I have many nephews and nieces all over the country and most would entertain me with respect if not love whenver I was able to visit them. The year 2022

My visit to Jogjakarta in Sumatra, Indonesia sometime in 2008? was a time I felt like I was in a land of dreams. This was where I experienced where art and aesthetics became one with the reality/ illusion of life. Here Iwa able to visit the monumental historical site of the Borobudur and several other Hindu temples located close to the Gunung Merapi area. The year 2017

The Metre D at the prestigious Saint Peter's Crowne Plaza in Rome was most accommodating and made my stay there most memorable,  I was 65 then. My visit to Rome was arranged by my eldest son who was then an airline Pilot for the Emirates Air.  The year 2011 

Eating crabs at my friend Ah Huat's the auto air condition

 mechanic shop. This was a time when I was lost in space and time looking for a sense of belonging and being productive. I was able to experience what it was like working at a auto mechanic workshop even if it was for no salary but just pure friendship. 

Little Penang Street Market where I used to sell my artwork,  was was the brainchild of Joe Sidek who presently is my daughter's employer. Joe ended up being a very well known event management producer well liked and respected. Here I was with a friend, Scott DeSilva who is a restaurant owner and Chef now operating in Bangkok, Thailand.

Sitting in the galley of the fishing vessel, The Iceland with my fellow crew members, Mr. Phil Roe and J.R Le Bark, (shaking his hand). Somtime in 1982-3 I was a commercial fisherman in the Aleutian Chains off the Alaskan coast in the Pacific Northwest. 

Sharing my art at a Fair on Armenian Street in Georgetown, Penang.

                                                                             

Planting rice at the SRI LOVELY Organic Farm in the village of Lintang, in Sik, Kedah  sometime in 2012 - 14. I had stopped at this farm for a 2 days visit and ended up staying for two months doing intensive 'work practice' for the development of body, mind and spirit.

 

                                                                              

Sitting at the entrance of a Minangkabau home with the proud owner in Indonesia where the whole house seems like an architectural work of art inside out.  And the Good Lord asked, "What have you done with your life?"

 

What you are liable to find on Kapas Island.

Pulau Kapas has a rustic lure for those who are looking for an outdoor experience with minimal comfort affording just the bare necessities for visitors. Most of the resorts along the beaches are not highly developed with four star accommodations and a few are still gives the sense of a Robinson Crusoe like settings.

To add to the sense of an out door experience on the island tents are provided in some cases where families can enjoy a camping experience in a jungle type of environment right by the sea.

Man and nature coexist to create an aesthetic and carry a message with. Only time and the weather can forge such a union into one piece of artistic expression. The creator may have long been gone departed from the scene but what is left behind is a legacy for those who have the time and awarenesss to savr the creation.

The soft white sand littered with the dried 'Ketapang', leaves gives a drastic contrast of permanence and impermanence, of forms as in the foreground against emptiness of the white sand as the back ground. 

 

To make a stay at one of these lodgings might make one hesitate wondering what the inside would look like and what kind of amenities is available. This is the added attraction to venturing into the not so wild for those who has never left the comfort their homes in the cities.

An original well said to be over a hundred years old possibly dug by the first island dwellers or visitors is still in use with the water still fresh and cold. The presence of this well adds a sense of mystery to the surrounding areas.

Wrapped in a hammock swinging underneath the shade of the 'Ketapang' tree can be a most relaxing experience on a hot sunny day with the cool breeze blowing from all around.

The architecture was left up to the imagination and the architect is long gone leaving behind her creative ideas for posterity and brave happy campers who would turn up to spend a few nights in the chalet.

The owner of the resort, Encik Khalid, when showed the picture of him was happy because I captured him looking proud and confident. He is the proud owner of Coco Beach Resort which he and his former girl friend had together put together over several years. 

What's my next move? - find a job on Pulau Kapas.

  

Am thinking about relocating this summer to the East Coast, maybe find a job on Kapas Island or hang out at my twin's cattle ranch in nearby Marang. If it all falls into place with the help of my twin brother and my new found friends on Kapas, I feel this would be an ideal change for me.

The above couple nEncik Noli and Madame Rose are owners of one of the resorts on Kapas and I was fortunate to be be able to share some moments learning about the history of their place.
 

I got to meet the owner of this Resort corner, a unique and interesting man.

I know I will enjoy working on the Island as it would be very good for my physical, mental and spiritual health, It would be like my ashram, or my own Zen Center with only me as the student."The One man one mind of Cotton Island."

The guy laid back stern of the boat is an owner of one of the resorts on the Is;and. Great Guy to know and reminds me of my late Art teacher Reza Piadasa in appearence and character.

All I have to do is be Me! The former Health and Safety Officer for the Petronas Refinery Construction in Kerteh fpr three years! Supervisor for the ferry terminal at Batu ban for Jerejak Resort and SPA for three years. The rest of my qualifications please refer to my Personnel Profile. 

I love the shies and the ocean and I enjoy cleaning up the beach. One of my principle if I may call it that in life is to become a cretaker for my environment and that is where I may be, my kitchen or the deserted beaches along the East Coast. I have done it and not just am saying it cause every chance I got travelling I would carry with me garbage bags to collect any flotsam or debris especially just after the monsoon season.  

According to my buddy Ben, it would be a sound and cool decision to make.

I will have to think about it...

A Week at Pulau Kapas or Kapas Island.

 To fulfill Ben Rongen's yearning to visit his old playgrounds on the East Coast especially the Kapas Island or Pulau Kapas and the seaside village of Jambu Bongkok where he had lived for five years. It took us more than eight hours getting from Penang to Kuala Terengganu because of many pit stops along the way. It was all well worth the drive.

It was a sun shiny day and the beach at Jambu Bongkok was littered with the debris from the Monsoon winds and waves. In the past I had always enjoyed the beach combing activity just after the Monsoon season as I would find many treasures washed up from who knows where.

The Beaches along the East Coast is mostly deserted of hmans and in most areas one will find the serene beauty to be most soothing to the wearied mind. A quiet spot under the pandan tree is as good as any for a sitting and contemplating.

A view of the Kapas Island from the mainland at Marang. The Monsoon seson looks like has finally dissipated and the skies were clear over the calm South China Sea.

The boat ride towards the Island brought back numerous fond memories as the Island was and still is one of my favorite playgrounds for many years in my past.

There is nothing to say but simply lay back and chill and enjoy the Island Paradise while the rest of the world are immersed into wars and Pandemics. The Creator gave me this allotted time  to live life to the fullest and this I have done and am still doing. 

Food and People on the East Coast.

 Floods are hitting the East Coast States of Terengganu and Kelantan, the monsoon is not leaving without kicking up a storm or two. I managed to sneak away in the nick of time a week ago where I was visiting my family and friends in Kuala Terengganu. It is safe to say that the weather has gone haywire where the cycle of the monsoon season is concern. Pictures of places I visited are appearing on Face Book showing how high the water had risen in many parts of Terengganu especially in the interior causing hardship to lives living close to the Terengganu River. The area hit badly was the Pulau Duyong area where Awi's Yellow House is located. Although it is quite normal an event for the locals as every year this is to be expected, it still is a challenge for those whose homes are affected. In the old days this is one of the reasons why Malay Kampung houses were built on high stilts or pillars such the floor was raised far from the ground to avoid being inundated. The Yellow House chalets have survived many years of flooding due to it being built high above the river and thus is free from b eing washed away by strong currents. 

The monsoon floods this year seemed more severe in the interior or the Hulu Terengganu, Kuala Brang area where the Kenyir Dam is located. Postings of debris of logs and torn down trees makes it looks like the area is headed for a disaster in the making. The heavy rain and floods unleashed has revealed the human errors in underestimating nature and thinking that what is not seen will forever be hidden from the general public.The monsoon rains has washed away most of the deforestation from logging that is thought to cleverly stay hidden and those who are responsible will be drawn out to answer what or who shall take the blame. Like the floods in the state of Pahang and Selangor, logging activities in the surrounding forest area has been the major cause of flash floods as the hills being depleted of trees that normally retain the flow of water has allowed water to move freely downhill washing away top soil in its wake. The rivers and lakes has turned yellow to orange and the amount of sediment that finds its way to the sea is phenomenal if one is able to measure it in some way. Flooding has taken a whole new turn from what it used to be in the sixties and seventies when I lived there in the state of Terengganu. The worse flood was still not a real threat as many living in the flood areas were aware of what expect and make necessary precautions. Today the flood from a heavy  continuous rainfall ofthen result is flash floods where water just rises in one short moment, most of the times without warning. Areas that were normally with less chances of flooding are today exposed to the changes of the topography of the land from development in and around the area. If a careful study is carried out by related government agencies it would be discovered that in most area where new homes and residential areas being developed, drainage systems are found most lacking.  It is as if no thought is being put into it that results in poor water flow when it rains. This is also the problems face by the larger cities that recently were hit by major flash floods. IN most cases the raging water has no where to go but to overflow and flood surrounding area. 

At five am. tomorrow morning my friend Ben Rongen and I will be driving to Kuala Terengganu for Ben to fulfill his desire to be on Pulau Kapas and be with his friends. It would be a second trip for me this year already being there for two weeks last month. It was mostly cool and sunny days all the time I was there and was able to visit people and places. I left in the nick of time as I noticed that the weather was starting to gather momentum towards the real monsoon that would hit the East Coast. When I left the dark clouds were gathering and it was starting to rain here and there as they say it in Wisconsin, I hauled ass out of there. On my last visit I had some of the most tasty dishes, including home made chapatis and Roti Nan that my distant nephew made his restaurant located in Marang which is quite well known among food lovers from all over. I was given a treat of the best Satay in the area too and for once I felt blessed by the kindness of those who fed me in their homes and restaurants. I must say that the last trip was about food. 

What do my children think about my taking off again for the East Coast. I think they are cool with it, just for a week they can miss their father' cooking.I am making my spaghetti special this evening and this has always been winner. I also am keeping myself active, moving and doing things and looking at what was and now become, the kids are adults and the homes have seen better days. I see boredom and uncertainty in the eyes of many as they try to hide from me their inner concerns so I am not touched by sadness while a guest at their homes. I saw what an old man would see when he visits his old haunts and met his old friends and families, how they have fared thus far in my life. guessing what their life would be like when I am dead and gone. Will I be remembered? Will I become just another blur in their consciousness or would I become a model for them to use when relating to their children; look at what have become of him! I was pretty much psycho analyzing myself as I exposed myself to the people who had known me for the most part of my life. My brothers and sisters, my nephews and nieces, their children, my closest friends, their wives and kids; and they call me 'Sir, some of them. These are the people who watered my plants and wash my dishes, people whose lives has touched me and I theirs; they are my witnesses. I was their witness. 

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