Some water colors and pencil colors from way back when- in San Francisco

A Heritage walk along Armenian Street Area.

At the Achenese Mosque on Armenian Street, one day taking my class for a walk around the culturally rich area of Rope Walk, Armenian Street and the Chulia street are of Georgetown, Penang.

This young lady has the makings of a good artist at least when it comes to executing her works, i dont know yet about how she would do in terms of her personality as an artist or weven her ability to express her feelings with regards to her works.

The Kapitan Kling Mosque is Georgetown's foremest historical landmark, this was whre the early Indian Muslims congregated when they arrived on the island and one of the leaders, known as Kapitan Kling, established the mosqueon the coenr of Chulia street and Pitt street. 

The Achehnese established themselves in this area too and the aceh mosque is yet another historical landmark signifying the different ethnic groups that had come to Georgetown.

There is Chinese temples in every corner of the city as Chinese believe in self promotion the more glaring the better to let the world know that they are there have been there and will alwys be there wherever there is.

There has been attempts to turn this building into a Malay Muslim historical Museum, but when I looked inside it was like it has been abandoend yet for the foruth time. It seem this old building that used to belong to a very wealthy Indian Muslim family is a politcal victim which still infest the Penang Heritage Trails.

The Ramadan Begins

They miracles do happen and it does sometimes even if to minor grievances like not being able to type directly on to my my blog entry page, probably my error and ignorance,but a moment ago i tried to load a picture from my files and decided not to use it. When I canceled it walla! I could write! The icon was blinking write! write! An so i am writing and keeping my fingers crossed that nothing else would happen to put an end to my blogging career which so far has earned not a single cent thanks to Google's "Adsense'. What a bunch of rip off artists, people who entice you with their expertise in helping you make money out of your honest work and then turn around and rip you off; Thank you AdSense and Google too.
Ye i am not in the best of moods and that has nothing to do with the fact that the fasting month starts today or the fact that i did not sell a single piece of artwork at the Armenian Street Art Fest, gave away a few I did. I reserve the right to grumble every now and then it is part and parcel of being a Bodhisattva especially one who is fasting in the month of Ramadan!.
My friends here ask me time and again why I do what i do, like going around at my own expense putting on demos for the public who often times enough are far from interested in art or creativity. Why do i not just disappear on one of my travels and enjoy doing art on the street like i used to when I was younger. I have always yearned to be elsewhere, moving from place to place, experiencing new episodes meeting new people, bu I am at a point in my life where i have come to fulfill my obligations to my children, at least my daughter and not that i am complaining about it because it Ia something that i enjoy doing it kept me going because i am caring for her, without, it would have been much more meaningless. my daughter has been the one anchor in my life, not solely because she is pretty or intelligent and knows how to carry herself, but also because she reminds me of her mother. If i had been footloose and fancy free like i had been for many years in the United States, by now I would be grovelling somewhere in the hell hole of a drug infested slump as I am very much prone to addiction of one kind or another, sex, booze, pot anything that can keep my mind from being infested by the day to day reality of existence.
This month of Ramadan will be yet another challenge to my ego, it will bring out the best and worse out on me as I will try to bear the pangs of hunger pains and thirst, the crave for a cigarette and to restrain from being attracted towards the opposite sex. It is insane how from my years of blogging alone I can tell that I have not changed much in essence, my vexations are still of the same nature more or less. fasting is a form of physical and mental torture and it is the antitheses of the ego dominated personality. Each and every man women and child should fast at the very least once to feel the squeeze that the ego feels in being exempted from indulgences of the physical as well as the mental nature. Why?! Oh well, God says so? or perhaps it is a good practice just in case one gets stricken by illness one would have a better understanding of one's body? or how about getting to know the nature of pain?
But let's see what the Ulama has to say;
When Islam introduced this matchless institution, it planted an ever-growing tree of infinite virtue and invaluable products. Here is an explanation of the spiritual meaning of the Islamic Fasting:

It teaches man the principle of sincere Love: because when he observes Fasting he does it out of deep love for God. And the man who loves God truly is a man who really knows what love is.
It equips man with a creative sense of hope and an optimistic outlook on life; because when he fasts he is hoping to please God and is seeking His Grace.
It imbues in man the genuine virtue of effective devotion, honest dedication and closeness to God; because when he fasts he does so for God and for His sake alone.
It cultivates in man a vigilant and sound conscience; because the fasting person keeps his fast in secret as well as in public. In fasting, especially, there is no mundane authority to check man's behavior or compel him to observe fasting. He keeps it to please God and satisfy his own conscience by being faithful in secret and in public. There is no better way to cultivate a sound conscience in man.
It indoctrinates man in patience and selflessness, as through fasting, he feels the pains of deprivation but he endures them patiently.
It is an effective lesson in applied moderation and willpower.
Fasting also provides man with a transparent soul, a clear mind and a light body.
It shows man a new way of wise savings and sound budgeting.
It enables man to master the art of Mature Adaptability. We can easily understand the point once we realize that fasting makes man change the entire course of his daily life.
It grounds man in discipline and healthy survival.
It originates in man the real spirit of social belonging, unity and brotherhood, of equality before God as well as before the law.
It is a Godly prescription for self-reassurance and self-control.

Thus on this first day of the fasting month I am feeling rather yeachy all over and my angina is back. It is not a new experience as i have fasted many years now since my return to Malaysia. I hardly fasted when I was living in the the US, sometimes I hardly knew it was the month of Ramadan. But then again I stopped being a Muslim when I left Malaysia for the US at the age of 25, it had nothing to do with the religion, I simply just dropped everything and left for the new country. my major concern back then was purely survival for me and my wife and child. Earlier on i had little to do with God or the Devil, but it was only later then i was in College in Green Bay, Wisconsin that I began to rediscover religion. Now i talk to God more than i talk to people especially at night when i set on my bed in between sleeps, I would call out to God to keep me company.; not because I am scared of death but simply because, He listens, I talk. So he said fast!, try it, do your best, see what gives. So I fast, and I am hungry thirsty and my stomach hurts and so does the middle of my chest and i feel cold, extra cold, and the first day is not even over yet.

The Armenian Street Art Fest.

It was not the best of times, this time around at Armenian street. First i was yelled at by the owner who owns a Batik design shop for placing my artworks infront of her shop blocking people from entering, which I found out later it did not. The owner is my close friend Hasnul's wife, she apologized and blamed it on her having a bad time getting started, yada!

The there was no easel as promised by the Museum staff so no mood for any life sketching as doing it on the table flat often gets me all screwed up in terms of proportions and so on.

The one consolation i go from the day was asking the Khat writer Ustaz to write on my works as a collaboration effort, I see a possibility of creating works together in the future.

The life of the party was the all Malay traditional band playing alongside a snob on a violin.

The MGTF staff found something to do to break the tedium of the day by playing 'sepak takraw'





 For lack of proper place to hang my works I stuck the across the street on the doors of an unoccupied office building and the framed ones were lined on the floor. Street Art!!

But as promised i deliver on my hands and knees just so the public is entertained. Not a piece sold even when I priced my works like peanuts, perhaps time to eevaluate my career or whatever is left of it timewise.

To top it all up,the CM whisked by accompanied by with not a glance towards what was happening underneath the tents while busy taking pictures with young girls and just as fast connered into an newly oppening Chinese store which had its door closed throughout the event untill he arrived.. Says much for "Being engaged" as he talked about at the luanching of the 'Artist Favorites Dinner at Citital! And the show must go on...





Catch Your breath, Bahari! You forgot it's Friday!

I will never know what will be the next event in my life until I sit and catch my breath. The next event happens as soon the mind subsides from its constant hankering, moaning and groaning, its incessant crave for guilt trips and foreboding feelings of loss and concerns.I had to sit in front of the main building of the museum to catch my breath and remind myself of where I am at at the moment. Practice as hard as i want to, mind still dominates the moment with episode after episode of events that had occurred a few moment ago and those that took place years ago, and those that will need to happen in the near future. I am participating at the Armenian Street Art Event in conjunction with the Penang Festival of Arts and Culture organized by my friend Joe Sidek as the director. Joe of the Little Penang Street Market a multi- talented personality making things happen for Georgetown, Penang.
I have joined this event last year and had a good time and this year i hope to be able to do more, it is a good environment to share my works; my contribution towards Joe's efforts for this Island of ours. The synergistic, collective energy of many artists and art lovers are involved in this yearly event and it is a good portal for transformation of the society as a whole
I have been ambivalent about participating in the beginning and still have some reserve, but i realize it is only my ego looking at life from a warped angle of a dual thinking mind which always ask for more like what is in it for me. Yes i admit time and again I that i have yet to be able to become self-less and my thinking mind is a slippery as the eel that i once painted in Japan for USD1000. The painting was 1 foot by 3 feet in size and was done with Japanese black on Washi paepr or hand made paper, mounted of three separate panels. I did it id less than two seconds  like drawing a straight line across all three panels. Then I dabbed an eye and flimsy fins by the head.
I took the finished work to my friend Reichiro San the Haiku Master and laundry man and had him wrote in Japanese characters,
"This eel when it came from and where forth it goes, who knows."
After the writing done I took the three panes to The Miyagee Museum of Arts and nailed them together with four pieces of  pine wood i found in the garbage bin. I displayed the piece later that evening at the Gobangai, Downton Sendai Art Gallery (Located right in front of the Sendai Shinkansen Station) This was my second solo exhibition at this gallery and the first show was a two man show alongside my friend from Argentina. Mr. Pimentta. The paintings were curated and appraised by a fellow Japanese Artist who came from Nagano Prefecture and he said that the piece done of the eel is worth 1000USD and I just told myself, "Whatever!".
It was the first piece sold when the show opened. A Japanese lady who happened to be a writer was challenged into buying it by my friend the Artist from Nagano and they never met before. I kept watching them conversing for a long time discussing the painting.Llater the lady came and handed me the cash right there and then.
Yes, the eel , where it come from and where forth it goes, who knows, this is my mind, slip sliding from one thought, one episode one event to another... I need to stop and catch my breath or i will be sucked into this thought overdrive time and again. Take a deep breath through your nose, hold for a second and let it out through you mouth, squeeze it out all the way and then let the breath take itself in through the nose, keep repeating this till your mind settles down. Simple enough, but do I do it? Well relatively more often than most as it has become my practice to be aware to do this or drift along into the busy highways or stuck in the traffic.
I am sorry Lord for missing this Friday's prayer at the mosque, I most probably missed the best of Khutbah that the Imam of the day had to offer. My bad! But I am with You in my consciousness even if it comes as a guilt trip, I am sorry, Astarghfirullah Al Gafur -ur- Rohim.

Devine revelations don't Come Easy.

"How to Hear the Voice of God" by Susan Shumsky, DD, was introduced to me by my good friend Hasnul J. Saidon, former Director of the Museum Tuanku Fauziah - USM. It is pretty much strictly for those who have the inclination towards getting to know the spirit within, or in lay man's term getting to know who you truly are. It is the PhD. level of spiritual practice for those who look at life like a schooling , an experiment or as for the likes of me, a 'practice'. After her years of devotion towards spiritual awakening Susan Shumsky has arrived at the level of a teacher who can help many to walk through the gates of consciousness from the physical level into the Devine Prescence, within each and every living soul. It is not an easy course for those whose very nature is against the the Ways of the Spirit, but for those who have been on the road seeking for  diligently and intelligently answers to the questions of the spirit, the book is like a gift package towards tying up loose ends.
If God would talk to me what would he have to say to me? A question every man women and child will ask at the very least once in a lifetime and what would i have to say in return. If i am a non believer in God or religion then i would first have to ask who is talking to me in my head or in my heart? I might end up in the mental home if i keep hearing voices and cannot ascertain its source while at the same time wondering who is listening. Some have one voice too many to entertain in their minds and soon they cannot even distinguish one from another, usual these are diagnosed as schizoids, harmless in itself but a stigma to society at large because it is always awkward to see someone arguing with himself out in the open. For those who spend a good amount of their time looking within through all forms of meditation exercises, affirmations and chantings and Zikrs, it is paramount that they seek spiritual guides who have been there and done that. I have met many in my time men and women lost in limbo through not being aware of their spiritual and mental awareness resulting from their practices. There is always the dark side to everything and this is more so when you seek to understand your ego and your spirit; which is which.
I am writing now in the effort to understand myself and these teachers in the forms of books and the Internet are means towards which the Universe  or God, for lack of better words is communicating to me. I came upon these books and writers, firstly because i sought them out with my intentions and they surface like answers, sometimes out of the blue, something i would stumble upon and just when i was running out of means to sustain my practice, or when i am beginning to drift into unconsciousness or worse ,despair. I have watched this phenomena happening to me throughout my years of practicing and like most people, I too can pick up a book and turn to any page randomly and find an answer to my questions in one form or another, or at least a small reminder to what I have already know but forgotten.
We are never free from influences and possessions by other entities seen or unseen and especially when in deep meditation whereby we have emptied our minds, the chances of an 'invasion' into our being by external forces or energies is more prevailing and this we have to understand fully; how to protect ourselves from being hijacked. Usually we do not even realize that we are being overtaken by an uninvited guest until to late when the guest wants to become more than a guest and kick out the host. This is being warned in all religious practices no matter what religion. In her book Susan Shumsky helps many by sharing her knowledge through having been a student of the ancient Hindu Yogic practices as in her case leading on to Ttranscendental Meditation and later meeting her Christian Spiritual Teacher who led her into the present course of her teachings. "How to Hear the Voice of God", God speaks to us but we cannot hear His words, he shows us signs but we are too blinded by our daily lives that we do not see then, we cannot hear God's messages simply because we live in a very noisy neighborhood and our minds are too cluttered to discern that which God's voice from that which is noise. And we most probably will deny it is God's voice talking to us simply because we are too scared to admit the truth to ourselves much less to others. I have on many occasion called it 'The small voice in my head" whenever i related my past experiences that has to do with how and why i did what i did or acted as i did. But i have paid very close attention to these small voices especially during my deepest meditative state of mind -Samadhi? I would arrive like in an empty space and there is no a thing left to do or say or feel anymore and the first thing that would come to my mind is, Allah-Hu Akhbar!, La illa Ha' Illalah! (I am being a Muslim), would find this utterance as the key towards facing what lies beyond this state of silence ib Being. In essence i take refuge in God for Love and for Protection.
Last night or very early this morning whichever the case may be i sat outside under the extended zinc roofing of the restaurant where i live and it rained by the buckets. The sound was so loud as rain water hammered the zinc roof i was deafen and in that deafening state i found complete peace free of any thoughts and despite the wind gusting and rattling all that can be rattled I felt no fear or discomfort, I felt the presence of Being, I felt at Peace.
The words of my teacher came to my mind, "Walking itself is a miracle", the Rev. Thich Nath Hahn used to tall us, sitting there listening to the rain and feeling the wind gusting around me was a miracle as only God can make it happen and you have to be fully conscious at the moment to realize the fact that God is talking to you. Had I, like the rest of them seeking the comfort of the blankets slept through the rain, (as it is nice), i would not have felt the Presence of God. What good it did for me? It helped to cease all thoughts and I was free to Be.( My mind was running full time with all kinds of negative, defeating and worthless thoughts prior to this event until I said at one time, go ahead think all you want mind, I don't mind anymore.)

The Kampung 'Elders' came after the Bikers left.

The village elders came to perform a small 'Tahlil' or Doa' Selamat blessing the place among other things.

They also came for the great 'Meehoon Soup and Sup Tulang of bones soup prpared by Dins wife. It is worth a try if you are around the area.

An antique bicycle with the two Aizuan's painting in the back ground.

Pictures of a few Malay types houses found around the area.

The Bikers Dropped By.

I spent two weekends  at Balik Pulau the future to be Tapak Warisan or cultural ground with the intetntion of helping to promote the place. Sometime it felt like a loosing battle with no prospective in sight, then a bunch of Bikers dropped by  raising Hell and Dust, it was refreshing..



These guys were from the Northern region Motobike Clubs a group from Kedah and Sungai Petani and saveral other areas in the Northern States of Malaysia.



Shared my sketches with the head honchos who just took a brief break from their long rides.

I have no idea who these guys are but they seem cool like just a bunch of guys out doing their thing on a weekend.

My friend Din (Besi) who owns the place and wants to run it as a cultural center for the arts. He is a pretty down to earth humble man with great spritual inclination. Like the rest of us he too is looking for the break to make ends meet, but he has the passion for work and in making things happen. His enthusiam makes me want to be a part of this project.

I hope these gentlement would remember this place in the future and send more people our way, htose who are looking for a place to rest and share stories in arts and culture.

I hope the roar of these engines will help to awaken the sleepy neighborhood and that is what i felt about this place since I have been hanging out here. It seems the rest of society is out there somewhere or buried in their homes close to the Televisions to notice anything about what is going on right across the street from where they live. 

The sharing of thoughts and ideas may come as a boon from God knows where and sometimes pleasant surprises like this drop in visit helps to awaken the spirit and motivate the soul.



It is a rush to listen to the rev of the engines and makes you wanna join in the fun, but I am too old to handle the big bikes, mydays of motorcycling were over a long time ago when I realized that I was hell on wheels and could have done allot more damage to myself had i continued to ride one.



Friday Again!

Hence the dip came,  in the form of a chest pain, excruciating angina like chest pain , LIKE A RAILROAD SPIKE IS BEING RUN THROUGH YOU FROM BACK TO FRONT!. Lasting almost two days now; this is the low after having a brief high on nothing-ness the previous day...and this too will pass? Hope so. I sure hat to learn that I got cancer of one kind or another which i suspect I suspect i do, but never been to the doctor so can't tell for sure or worry for sure. No reason to live too long anymore the truth be told but cannot take my own life willingly either so why not a terminal something for the affect of cause; he died of,,,
Nope i am not suicidal or have any death wish before my allotted time but i have no desire for a prolonged life either,. I realized this as I sat in the fisherman's pondok facing the sea with heavy rain and winds lashing from all around me. I have had this feeling many times before but today it was more real and the feeling was one of just letting it be and letting go of this Being. I felt the futility of living till i cannot walk anymore or coughing and hacking to the curses of others around me, I am completely turned off by the mockery of religions and the suffering inflicted upon my fellow man by powers that be. Thank God it is Friday!
The Imam rambled on about 'Tawakal' or complete faith in Allah, they all do this on every Friday, at least they start off with it, a constant reminder that we need to have faith in the Lord. I have mine slowly but surely evolving over the years from whence i was a spiritually ignorant to what I am today a wannabe born again Muslim; not easy as it seems.
Faith alone is not enough for one to be on the path closer to Allah, one needs complete surrender and wisdom and one needs to have the will to act accordingly despite all the sermons and the threats of hell, especially when you still have a guy standing/sitting next to you trying his best to prove that he is closer to God than you will ever be in the mosque. It never fails, there will be an overly pious jerk ranting out the verses of the Quran throwing you off from focusing on your own prayer. There goes your Friday prayer out of the window simply because you cannot dismiss the idiot next to you with a pious. ego. But that's normal in the mosque anywhere in the world; I dress better, I smell better with all the Attar oil and i can read better and louder and I have the very look of the prophet himself (Pbu), with my long white beard. And please do not expect me to smile at you when we salam, (shake hands ) each other, it is not my style the idiot seems to say when you look into his eyes to see if there is any genuine life in there before you leave.
The Imam today was exemplary in his sermon, he was clear and did not need to read from the text but came off directly without a hitch, he was good..He was young and he had energy. All in all it was a good Friday Prayer at the Masjid Jamek in Sungai Pinang this Friday. God was there in the beginning untill the guy started to throw his beads and a thick Quran in front of him as though he was about to embark upon a long spiritual journey which caught my mental imagerys of strangling him., and God was no more, the rest of the service was just details.
So up and down, up and down we go through this so called life trying our damnedest to be rational, willing to take punches and go with the flow. And God is still watching me, watching over me, that is the best assurance i have found throughout my life I have felt His presence but I never did pay too much attention to what good it does as i am always floating up and down like a cork being buffeted in the wind and rain in a sea that is more cloudy than the haze a day or two ago. Yes the rain has eased off the haze problem but it has also created a new one and this not many seems to recognize till it is too late; acid rain., more dangerous to life forms than haze itself. But hey , we count our blessing, cannot go around worrying over things that we cannot do much about can we?; exactly what the mind loves to do, think! think and more to think about, what a happy life it is when there is so much one can think about all day long, Life is one damn thing after another, as Winston Churchill once uttered.
continued.
Last night I was at the Lam Wa EE Hospital, private hospital that ask for your insurance policy number and all payment details first, then attend to your  why you were there, like in the United States. My cousin's older brother in his seventies was admitted. All of us agreed that all he is suffering from is being neglected by his children and most importantly missing his grand children, a common cause of many premature deaths among men who whose wife has passed away before him, loneliness. Sadly still are for those who made no effort to stay connected to friends and relatives as is more and more the case today. Anyway it was what he said to me as he was being wheeled through the hallway was this is life, one day you are well the next you are sick!  I was stumped by what he uttered to me with this big grin on his face. I said to him that there is two kinds of illnesses in this life, the one that comes looking for you and the then there is  the one you go looking for. Which are you suffering from? I said it out loud enough for the brother, the son in law, the hospital guy pushing the wheelchair and the nurse walking ahead leading the procession. I did not know where it came from but it was there and i said to a sick man older than me perhaps things left unsaid. What triggered in me was the fact that we live in denial, i do, most of us do. The uglier the drama the deeper the denial and don't mind getting sick on account of it, terminal illnesses even; illnesses we go looking for.
My stabbing pain from front through the back, I dealt with and is now gone, I completely believe in self healing, through Yogic means and through my surrendering to the will of my Creator, if is time to go, it is time to go; in the meantime stop hassling me with aches and pains, sickness and illnesses, I would rather dedicate this time towards serving my Lord by serving His creation. I will try my best to do my bit and hopefully my bit will grow into a passion and my passion will manifest into what is the reality of Being.

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