The Ramadan Begins

They miracles do happen and it does sometimes even if to minor grievances like not being able to type directly on to my my blog entry page, probably my error and ignorance,but a moment ago i tried to load a picture from my files and decided not to use it. When I canceled it walla! I could write! The icon was blinking write! write! An so i am writing and keeping my fingers crossed that nothing else would happen to put an end to my blogging career which so far has earned not a single cent thanks to Google's "Adsense'. What a bunch of rip off artists, people who entice you with their expertise in helping you make money out of your honest work and then turn around and rip you off; Thank you AdSense and Google too.
Ye i am not in the best of moods and that has nothing to do with the fact that the fasting month starts today or the fact that i did not sell a single piece of artwork at the Armenian Street Art Fest, gave away a few I did. I reserve the right to grumble every now and then it is part and parcel of being a Bodhisattva especially one who is fasting in the month of Ramadan!.
My friends here ask me time and again why I do what i do, like going around at my own expense putting on demos for the public who often times enough are far from interested in art or creativity. Why do i not just disappear on one of my travels and enjoy doing art on the street like i used to when I was younger. I have always yearned to be elsewhere, moving from place to place, experiencing new episodes meeting new people, bu I am at a point in my life where i have come to fulfill my obligations to my children, at least my daughter and not that i am complaining about it because it Ia something that i enjoy doing it kept me going because i am caring for her, without, it would have been much more meaningless. my daughter has been the one anchor in my life, not solely because she is pretty or intelligent and knows how to carry herself, but also because she reminds me of her mother. If i had been footloose and fancy free like i had been for many years in the United States, by now I would be grovelling somewhere in the hell hole of a drug infested slump as I am very much prone to addiction of one kind or another, sex, booze, pot anything that can keep my mind from being infested by the day to day reality of existence.
This month of Ramadan will be yet another challenge to my ego, it will bring out the best and worse out on me as I will try to bear the pangs of hunger pains and thirst, the crave for a cigarette and to restrain from being attracted towards the opposite sex. It is insane how from my years of blogging alone I can tell that I have not changed much in essence, my vexations are still of the same nature more or less. fasting is a form of physical and mental torture and it is the antitheses of the ego dominated personality. Each and every man women and child should fast at the very least once to feel the squeeze that the ego feels in being exempted from indulgences of the physical as well as the mental nature. Why?! Oh well, God says so? or perhaps it is a good practice just in case one gets stricken by illness one would have a better understanding of one's body? or how about getting to know the nature of pain?
But let's see what the Ulama has to say;
When Islam introduced this matchless institution, it planted an ever-growing tree of infinite virtue and invaluable products. Here is an explanation of the spiritual meaning of the Islamic Fasting:

It teaches man the principle of sincere Love: because when he observes Fasting he does it out of deep love for God. And the man who loves God truly is a man who really knows what love is.
It equips man with a creative sense of hope and an optimistic outlook on life; because when he fasts he is hoping to please God and is seeking His Grace.
It imbues in man the genuine virtue of effective devotion, honest dedication and closeness to God; because when he fasts he does so for God and for His sake alone.
It cultivates in man a vigilant and sound conscience; because the fasting person keeps his fast in secret as well as in public. In fasting, especially, there is no mundane authority to check man's behavior or compel him to observe fasting. He keeps it to please God and satisfy his own conscience by being faithful in secret and in public. There is no better way to cultivate a sound conscience in man.
It indoctrinates man in patience and selflessness, as through fasting, he feels the pains of deprivation but he endures them patiently.
It is an effective lesson in applied moderation and willpower.
Fasting also provides man with a transparent soul, a clear mind and a light body.
It shows man a new way of wise savings and sound budgeting.
It enables man to master the art of Mature Adaptability. We can easily understand the point once we realize that fasting makes man change the entire course of his daily life.
It grounds man in discipline and healthy survival.
It originates in man the real spirit of social belonging, unity and brotherhood, of equality before God as well as before the law.
It is a Godly prescription for self-reassurance and self-control.

Thus on this first day of the fasting month I am feeling rather yeachy all over and my angina is back. It is not a new experience as i have fasted many years now since my return to Malaysia. I hardly fasted when I was living in the the US, sometimes I hardly knew it was the month of Ramadan. But then again I stopped being a Muslim when I left Malaysia for the US at the age of 25, it had nothing to do with the religion, I simply just dropped everything and left for the new country. my major concern back then was purely survival for me and my wife and child. Earlier on i had little to do with God or the Devil, but it was only later then i was in College in Green Bay, Wisconsin that I began to rediscover religion. Now i talk to God more than i talk to people especially at night when i set on my bed in between sleeps, I would call out to God to keep me company.; not because I am scared of death but simply because, He listens, I talk. So he said fast!, try it, do your best, see what gives. So I fast, and I am hungry thirsty and my stomach hurts and so does the middle of my chest and i feel cold, extra cold, and the first day is not even over yet.