Monday, April 8, 2025
A Declaration of Spiritual Independence
Posted by Shamsul Bahari – The Cheeseburger Buddha
There comes a point in one’s spiritual journey when certain truths become impossible to ignore—no matter how deeply we’ve buried them beneath tradition, family expectations, or personal guilt. As a seeker, a sinner, a wanderer, and a man still striving to understand the mystery of faith, I’ve walked many inner landscapes. This entry is one of the most personal I’ve ever shared, and I write it not to shame, but to free myself.
The following is a declaration. It is not a disowning but a conscious stepping away from an emotional cycle that has long weighed heavily on my soul.
A Declaration of Spiritual Independence
There comes a moment in every seeker’s life when silence speaks louder than tradition, and walking away becomes not an act of defiance but one of deep devotion. Today, I pen this not out of bitterness but out of clarity born through years of being tested, bent, and misunderstood—especially by those who once shared my cradle and my blood.
For over a decade, I have endured emotional coercion and veiled condescension from my elder brothers—my twin and my eldest—both of whom reside in the very place I intend to call my final refuge: Terengganu. I have bowed my head not out of fear or weakness, but in an earnest attempt to become a better Muslim, a better man. I have apologized even when I was wronged. I have shown up when my heart begged me to walk away. I have offered compassion, even when it was met with silence or scorn.
But enough must eventually be enough.
This is not a severing of ties—it is a sacred boundary drawn in the name of peace. I no longer seek validation from those who see me as a burden or a pawn in their narrative. I am no longer willing to be measured by memories of my mistakes while my growth is ignored. I have atoned. I have repented. And I have, I believe, been forgiven—by my Lord, if not by my kin.
I do not wish them harm, nor do I deny the threads that bind us. But from this moment on, I claim my right to peace. I release myself from the emotional debts that have shackled me, and I walk forward—not away.
I am choosing to build something beautiful with whatever years I have left: an art studio, a space for children to dream, a gallery of truths spoken in brushstrokes and silence. I do this not as an escape, but as a return—to myself, to Allah, and to the service of those yet untouched by bitterness.
So I say this, in the spirit of love and liberation:
I see you. I forgive you. But I am no longer yours to define.
May Allah grant us all clarity, humility, and the strength to let go with grace.
— Shamsul Bahari
Marang, Terengganu (In spirit, if not yet in body)
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