Ambivalence and the Echo of Old Gods

 

 Ambivalence and the Echo of Old Gods

There’s a strange thing that happens when the voice of a “guru” begins to sound like your own inner voice. Not the voice you heard from pulpits or pulp magazines, but the one you've been carving in silence for decades—through suffering, through sketch lines and mushroom trips, through long walks by forgotten rivers.

When I heard Sat Guru Jagdev speak of the “Chosen Ones,” something in me stirred—not awe, not reverence—but a kind of spiritual déjà vu. It wasn’t the message I questioned. It was the mirror it held up to me. A message so familiar, so aligned with what I’ve been writing and living, that I almost wondered if I’d been ghostwritten by an algorithm—or worse, if I was hearing myself in someone I didn’t fully trust.

Because here’s the raw part: I’ve grown up among Indian neighbors, classmates, bosses, and friends. I’ve worked in tight, dusty spaces beside them, eaten at their tables, and been scorned at theirs. I’ve seen the pride and the piety, the hierarchy and the holiness. And over time, something calcified in me—a resistance, maybe, or a guardedness. Call it prejudice if you must, but it was not born from hatred. It was born from repetition—from always feeling like I was being talked down to, instructed, corrected, sized up.

And now, another Indian neighbor moves in—already assuming, already commanding. And I feel the weight of it again, like an old script playing out on a new stage.

So when I hear a guru from that world speak my language of the soul, I pause. I reflect. I do not reject—but I investigate.

Am I resisting the man?
The culture?
Or am I afraid that I, too, am a mystic—but without the accent, the saffron robe, or the audience?

This is not an indictment. It’s a confession. One made not in anger, but in the hope of release.

Because the real guru—if I’ve learned anything—is not out there.
He is the voice that invites me to stay curious even in discomfort.
To welcome the friction, not to burn bridges, but to forge deeper clarity.

And if Sat Guru Jagdev is echoing me—or if I am echoing him—then so be it.
We are all just fragments of the same flame, learning to trust our own light.

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