Retro: Reflections on Merdeka: The Inner Struggle for Independence.

 Reflections on Merdeka: The Inner Struggle for Independence

Today is Malaysia’s Independence Day, and I spent last night at the Museum alongside 120 school children and the dedicated staff of the Museum Gallery Tuanku Fauziah (MGTF). Though this aging body found it tiring, the experience was invigorating in its own way. It brought back memories of the twelve-plus years I’ve spent frequenting the Museum, working on my art, and quietly observing the ebb and flow of creative minds.

One of the more meaningful moments came when I had a long, heartfelt conversation with a group of four Indian school kids and a Chinese teacher. We talked about art—but more importantly, about life as a journey of self-discovery. They were only about fifteen years old, but they listened attentively, and we connected. These children are part of Malaysia’s future—the ones who will either carry the nation forward or allow it to slip further. So I share what I can, when I can. That, I believe, is a small but important act of service.

In the midst of this dialogue, an old acquaintance arrived—Hasnol, the former director of the Museum and a professor at USM. Our relationship has always been a complex one. He’s brilliant, yes—but also, in my view, a self-centered opportunist who knows how to bend the system to serve his own ends. He speaks with the authority of someone who believes he holds all the answers, and often tries to dominate conversations, shutting down alternative voices—mine included.

Last night was no different. He was there to meet the woodcarving artist whose solo exhibition was on display. And true to form, he attempted to take control of the space. But I didn’t let him. Every time he tried to talk over me, I pushed back—with a louder voice and more intensity. I made myself heard, especially when speaking to the artists present.

I debated whether to write about Hasnol, but I feel I must. He plays a role in my journey, and in many ways, he is a mirror. The people we encounter, especially those who challenge us, often reflect parts of ourselves—sometimes parts we may not like to see. Perhaps what I see in him is something I’m still grappling with within myself.

This Merdeka Day, I find myself reflecting not just on national independence, but on personal freedom. Malaysia has been independent for 61 years, yet in many ways we remain shackled—by economic colonialism, by corruption, by an inability to rise to our full potential as a nation. We have all the ingredients to be rich and developed, but something within our collective psyche holds us back.

And so it is with the self.

I am still wrestling with my own internal independence—a freedom from the duality of the mind, from ingrained habits, conditioned beliefs, and subconscious sabotage. The mind is a master trickster, skilled at creating doubt and insecurity. My battle for inner liberation is ongoing, a constant unraveling of thought and emotion.

True independence begins within. The kind that allows one to stand firm in the presence of false authority, to speak one’s truth, to honor one’s journey, and to let go of all that no longer serves.

We may celebrate Merdeka on paper, wave flags, and hold parades—but for many of us, the true battle is still being fought within. And that, too, deserves to be honored.