HUMIND: Observing the Beast Within
After years of self-observation and deep inner engineering, I’ve come to the conclusion that much of this journey has been about understanding the workings of the human mind—or as I used to call it, the Humind. For a long time now, perhaps still, I’ve used humind@yahoo.com, and my first solo exhibition upon returning to Georgetown was titled simply: HUMIND.
It was sponsored by the Muzium & Galeri Tuanku Fauziah (MGTF) at USM. The venue was the AMRO Bank on Beach Street—a prestigious space—and to this day, it was the best show I’ve had in Penang. Thanks in no small part to my friend and mentor, Hasnul Jamal Saidon, who was then the director of the gallery.
This is how my mind works when I write. Not always, but more now than ever: it is a puzzle, a whirlwind, an enigma unto itself. The laws of probability, the laws of possibility, of causality and karma—they seem to have no consequence when it comes to my mind.
It is simply... obnoxious.
But here’s the truth I’ve come to hold:
I am not my mind.
My mind is a tool.
An instrument.
A gauge.
A matrix of my existence on this plane—as a human being, a member of this species called Homo sapiens. My mind creates. It destroys. It preserves life and threatens it in the same breath.
Still, my mind is not me.
I am the master of my thoughts and consciousness.
It is my birthright to be who and what I choose to be.
I do not need permission to exist in the truth of my being. I place no man above or below me, but I reserve the sacred freedom to choose who I am. That, for me, is non-negotiable. Rich or poor, wise or foolish, brave or cowardly—I am who I am. Pain and pleasure are just opposite sides of the same coin. Living and dying—both are part and parcel of my evolution toward a higher, more vibrant, more challenging plane. A plane less violent. Less boring.
I deserve better for myself.
I have to learn to love myself better. To stop taking myself for granted.
Because I am no ordinary man.
And my mind? It’s no ordinary mind.
I may not be a neurosurgeon, or a rocket scientist, or a quantum physicist—or even a decent mathematician—but I have glimpsed into realities beyond all of these. Realities some might call transcendent. Moments of pure awareness that shatter the boundaries of time and form.
The Buddha might have said:
“All is as it should be.”
It is perfect and complete.
Each moment in time and space is exactly as it was meant to be. No matter how far off the path you believe yourself to be—you are still part of the original plan. You’re here to play your role, whether that’s quiet and unnoticed, or vibrant and chaotic.
A carpenter finds joy in carpentering.
A banker enjoys his easy chair and Mercedes.
An artist pours his soul onto canvas.
And the Buddha teaches the Dharma to the world.
Each of us is playing our part to perfection.
So stop the whining. Stop the groaning about how unfair life seems. Own your moment.
Feel it.
Live it.
Remember: You matter.
As a wise Hindu once said:
You are the Universe.
Claim your right and your privilege as such. No recourse. No apologies. No permission slips required.
There’s no need to keep punishing yourself because someone else says you’re on the wrong path.
You’re on your path. That’s all that matters.
To know the mind—it takes more than the mind.
It takes silencing the mind.
It takes effort to bring it to a standstill, to that sacred moment where no thoughts pass through the field of consciousness. It takes meditation. Practice. Sometimes it's like carpentering. Sometimes like fishing. Sometimes, it’s counting other people’s money. Whatever brings you stillness.
To understand the mind, I’ve experimented through the years.
I’ve tested myself—to see how low a man can fall and how high he can rise. To see what it takes to serve humanity. To become a decent—if not perfect—man.
I am a lifelong student of Jiddu Krishnamurti, whose thoughts on the mind, freedom, and truth shaped me deeply. It was he who once declared:
“You are the Universe.”
And I believe him.
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