Education Now and Then...Part 5

 

Life itself is one long education for the body the mind and the soul at least while we are still breathing in and out. If one takes a very detailed and close observation of the things one had experienced throughout one's life one begins to see what life is all about at all levels, at least glimpses of what one consider to be reality or the real side of life not the illusions that life is throwing at you. Again i say you to me when i write and is in no way to teach but merely share life from one perspective or one witness/ observer of life. Hence scholastic education should reflect life's long journey of education, of research and development of discovery and rejections, of denial and acceptance all then some. E= MC2 is the motion of life not just a mathematical equation. The Hindu Vedas have thousand of years ago had proven this equation and came up with a Divine Practice of Jivan Mukhta . 

"A jīvanmukta, literally meaning 'liberated while living',^[1] is a person who, in the Vedānta philosophy, has gained complete self-knowledge and self-realisation and attained kaivalya (enlightenment) or moksha (liberation), thus is liberated while living and not yet died.^[2][3] The state is the aim of moksha in Vedānta, Yoga and other schools of Hinduism, and it is referred to as jīvanmukti.^[4][5][6]"

For those who have chosen this path of self realization in this day and age will encounter a whole lot of pain and suffering just by witnessing the state of humanity around him/her. The Goddess of mercy or better known as Kuan Yin, the manifestation of the Bodhisatva Avalokiteshvara or Buddha of Compassion is depicted with a thousand arms an is attributed with the ability to hear the cry of suffering of pain from a single soul where ever on the planet and when called upon will deliver the suffering being from darkness to light and peace. By this very virtue we who aspire for liberation from this cycle of life, death and rebirth or attain to the Kingdom of Heaven will become more subservient to the call of human sorrow and by becoming awakened to the reality of existence we will do our utmost to become a Buddha and lead more of our fellow man into the divine Light of Consciousness. To become a Buddha may take eons of life times but to become enlightened can happen on the spur of the moment like a flash of lightning. Only a fully awakened mind can arrest the flash of a lightning and hold it for eternity and this is what my education as led me to over these years. 

I still remain as ignorant as I ever was and has been, however what I write comes from my own self realization or what bit and pieces of me I maintain to be the truth of who I am. My lifelong career as written in this Blog has been mostly challenging and full of excitement, I cannot say that I have had one long boring career that had eaten a good portion of my adult life but I must admit to myself that the more than 30 jobs I had held throughout my life had all been an education that no school system can provide. As the Devil is in the details, I can only say read! Perhaps there is something worthwhile that can be learned from this sharing of thoughts and consciousness. There is neither right or wrong way, there is only the way and the way is without empty of any thoughts,  or belief systems, any concepts or ideas, the way is the Middle Way. the 'straight and narrow path' that leads towards the Divine Consciousness, our original Buddha Nature, that which we came from our Creator. One surrenders, fully submit to this with full of faith and take refuge in The Lord of Creation. If you are nonbeliever or an Atheist I would not know what to say except that you might try to find an equation the fits you lifestyle so that you can hand it down to your children and theirs down the line. 

It sounded like I was preaching at in the last few paragraphs, I actually was. I was preaching to myself, I am the only one that matters whether things are right or wrong, real or unreal, genuine of fake and I have to strive to become impeccable at what i intend to do and to achieve in this life. I am not writing to show how I have almost mastered the art of writing or that ideas are floating in my brain and only i am too scared to reveal some of them by repeating the devil being in the detail like a broken record. I have my own demons to slay or win over and these are no neighborhood gang members these are real persistent and and downright aggressive when it comes to holding on to their territories or claiming you to become a a member of the gang. The prophet of Allah I heard is said to have said after a victory over his enemies, that more awesome more challenging Jihad you will face is the one within you.  The battle is between you and your ego, your nafs or as the Malays calls it nafsu. This much I deduced from chatting and listening to those who knew much better than me on the subject. Being eclectic by nature I skim the top off the food i am offered tasting the best appreciating what I am being offered by my teachers, my gurus and relatives and friends. I am not in the habit of accumulating everything i listen to or watch as they happen in their entirety I skip the details as they have become repetitious over the years and the lessons to be learned has become redundant or irrelevant. I know i cannot stop or empty my mind all i one shot but I can change it at my will, my awareness, my observation and detection, I scrutinized my every thought and actions immediately after they have occurred and this has become habit that is both good and bad.

After my college years at the UWGB in Wisconsin I graduated with a self designed Bachelor of Arts  degree and again this too can be referred to in past postings of this Blog on the subject. I achieved a dream that i never even dreamt of possible. I graduated as a University student something i could never have done had i lived in Malaysia as by the Malaysian educational system I did not do well n my School Certificate exam an thus was not qualified for higher education. But not in the United States, there if you can pass the SAT Test you qualify to go to college. My gratitude to the few friends and councilors who helped me to out of my miserable life of a packing house meat boner and on the way to becoming a tonified alcoholic with a broken home These few people saved my life by opening the door to further my education; Mr. Alan Hautamaki, Mr. Armstrong the math councilor who cured me of my math phobia when I had to sit for the SAT test. I told Alan who was my neighbor that if i have to do the math test he can forget it but he insisted that studied under Mr. Armstrong. It was like someone had unshackled me and set me free to be who I chose to be and a whole filed of possibilities was thrown open to me when I started my college years. I owed the University  USD10000 for my university studies and it took me exactly ten years to finish paying it back; it was worth every dime of it!

Education Now and Then -Part 4

 

I hated being in school sometimes on the other hand being in school was one of the best times of my childhood life. The Francis Light Primary School was where my education really began and it began with an almost well balanced of pros and cons. I was a born artist who was kept behind after school so I can pain Murals for the school walls for Parents' Day Event. I was among the top students in English and Intelligence Test classes. The school used to have this special class call Intelligence Studies where they probe your mind symbols and diagrams for you to differentiate or pick out one that does not belong and so forth and I was often at the top among all the students of my same standards. But the horror is when I had to sit through the math class and sometimes even the science classes. My mind just scored blanks and I suffered more than than I can express of pain and shame. I was tortured by my math teachers like for every time i was not able to answer a multiplication table I was made to stand and the next after i was made to stand on my chair and then my pants came down and the I was marched to the principal's office with my pants on my head to be rataned or caned by the head master! God how I hated them and how their faces still haunt my memories. But! Such Is! My anger started to get the better of me and I developed low self esteem of myself  and lived my life on the fringe of the main society. I became detached from getting too close to people or trusting others especially the adults in my life even at a very early age. Mostly without having realized it i hated myself most. My performance in school slipped badly and i was demoted to repeat my final year as i skipped one year bi-passing standard three to standard four. Education killed my sense of being a happy child and led me on this trail of self delusion always wondering what or where i went wrong.

At the age of twelve i was relocated to the East Coast to live with my real parents after the discovery that i was being raised as a Buddhist by my uncle. This episode of my life too has been written time and again in this Blog so I will skip the details. My Secondary Schooling was at the Sultan Sulaiman Secondary School in Kuala Terengganu. There the challenge was upped by having my Eldest brother as the Disciplinary and English teacher and my twin brother whose teenage space I had invaded. I went through an almost identical situation as I did in my primary school only the religious pressure was more intense until we were officially converted to Islam. In the course of my secondary school years my eldest brother slapped my face on three separate occasion, once at the school office witnessed by the office boy, then in his room at the hostel where he was the warden and then at home before my mother. I know I deserved every slap for the transgressions I must have committed but the slaps stung mee deeper than just physical pain. When he left to continue his studies in New Zealand he put both my twin and I under the care of another teacher who also slapped my face in the library in front of many senior students again I most probably deserved that one too. The same happened with an peace corps teacher who was from England and wham ! He too decide to rearrange my jaw bone to get my attention and make his point. These were moments when had I a gun i would have shot my teachers! Or close enough.

My saving grace came in the form of a martial arts instructor who was also then the head of the Trengganu State Religious Department, Encik Abu Johan who took me in as a member of his family. I truly embraced Islam through his tutelage and guidance. Through knowing him I got to hang out with the then Chief Magistrate and the Chief of Police who would hang out at night at Pa Abu's playing Scrabble. For hours we would play till the early morning hours I said we because I was the one who they were trying to beat all the time even though I was much younger than them and was a martial arts student; no kidding I always beat them; Encik Zol, Encik Noh and Pa'Abu were my mentors about life and religion of Islam. Through Pa'Abu I was introduced to two influential people in my life back then, Dato Ariffin Zakaria and Tengku Azmel who took me and my twin under their wings. Dato Ariffin later became adviser to the Sultan Of Terengganu. My education began when i realized that all those years and the hundreds of books and comics I had read was my ticket towards making it in the world that I was facing. Acting tough was not good enough, you just become tough especially when the going got tough. I became a good martial arts student and realized that i got no more snipe remarks about my race or religion and you are the center of attention. From then on i made the cardinal error of not taking reign of my ego and stepped and stomped over heads and toes till I had to leave the State for my own safety, that is another story perhaps that will never be told.

I am not trying to justify my failures while in school and I am positive that the teachers meant well, however I would be telling lies had i not told it as it had happened. My problem with education was resolved when I was admitted to the University of Wisconsin at Green Bay sometime in 1978. This story too has been written in the Blog; So to be continued...  

 

Education Part 3 - Great Artists or Scientists do not make great School Teachers.

 

Sadly and not too soon into the future our children will be carrying out conversation like AIs, no feelings, no emotions, just plain old announcing. Laughter and sorrows would rarely be head or seen among the people at coffee shops or the laundromat as most will have their faces buried into their I-phones, Lap Tops or whatever else they had with them;  this is busy - ness. This is our future masks that we wear to hide our faces away from getting involved with the external world, with people, animals and the fresh air in general. We are buried underneath our own garbage as our mind and body is being inundated by incessant stimuli, data, information, stories and dramas most of which we seek to satisfy our own cravings or forms of escape from reality as is. We are till doing not too bad as our children are still in touch with us teaching us the latest in technology while we try to share the ancient wisdoms of the Rishis and Roshis. We know why we are here and what our sense of purpose is in relationship to them and they their responsibilities towards us, hopefully most of us do. What has education provided for us to counter this silent killer of human consciousness and well being? Drop all Arts and Humanities Courses and invite for more technological and scientific research project oriented courses too fill up future job market.

It is our children who is paying the price for the negligence and lack of strong foundation in the structuring of our educational system; it is off balance where the human psyche is concern it is good for the robotic manufacturing line of workers to keep the technological and scientific stake holders alive and well. The children who are fortunate to have a good home education from their parents relatives and friends, who are smart not to let the wi-fi take over their lives will do better to cope with the rising cause of psycho-emotional pain caused by the world of consumerism. Driving the latest model of Porche 11 at high speed off the cliff off Star Route 1 along the Pacific Coastal road would be the climax of what it means to have lived life for those who have become victims of their own devices. It is already happening rest assured as much or what we worry about today is happening somewhere already, suicides, overdoses, recklessness on public roads or rampage over innocent protesting school children who are expressing their love for the nation as a whole; their civil rights as a civilian. I still remember the day I waved the flag as a student for the Malaysian First Independence Day which took place at the Padang Kota Lama shouting Merdeka! at the top of my lungs full of spirit and  What does education has to teach today that will counter this trend of destructive human behaviors rampant all over the world?! What will happen when children totally forget how to pray or what to pray to in times of dire need.

" Chat-Gpt is generating new improved versions of how to use AI are hitting the market everyday! Bill Gates says Artificial Intelligence is as fundamental as the computer chip, the Internet and the PC. Apple CEO Tim Cook says, it will be a a part of every product going forward. PwC estimates that AI will add 15.7 Trillion to the Global Economy! And here's the million dollar question everyone should be asking,    a} Is AI just a Fad?

b}Did I miss out on the AI boom?

c} What AI stock should I buy?

An ad, that came on YouTube.

More than 1 thousand walked out of the Graduation ceremony in honor of their 13 fellow undergraduates who were denied their Graduation due to being involved in anti-Government protest. Listen to the valedictorian speech given by a student on this issue. Modern educators should pay close attention to this historic event that involves the education of students today. - on Democracy Now with Emi Goodman.

There is no need to look too far when it comes to the failures in our educational system. Malaysia is sitting upon a barrel of rotting apples and the Education ministries are at logger heads as to how or what to do. Teachers with high credibility and experience in their profession is becoming a rarity and most of those who still brave the task are not well paid enough to keep their enthusiasm in giving their best to their students. I do not need to try to explain how hard it is to be a teacher and I have witnessed my eldest brother and sister in law went through life as lifelong teachers to know that it takes some special people to become great school teachers. Great Scientists, great Musicians, great Soccer players great pilots do not make great school teachers and as such school teachers should be placed high up there among the achievers of society and in this country of Malaysia, they should at the very least be awarded a Datukship by the King.  

What is Education Today and Yesterday. - part 2

 As often mentioned whenever the issue of Budget and Education is discussed the cancelling of the Arts and social Program studies become the victim of removal as irrelevant. Sad and worse yet it is sheer ignorance of our society to deprive the human mind the essence of what is creativity. What is interpersonal communication what is getting along with one another or what is prejudice and what is racism. Children go to school to be bred for servitude of what modern technology has to offer and how they can serve these technologies for the benefit of the owners and we call it employment; children are taught to slave to employment. Success is measured by the highest standard of employment as a gauge to considered a successful person in life. There is nothing right or wrong with this concept of life as reflected in the educational system of our country. We are in need of a wake up call in the awakening of our educational  system that is still imitating the West especially the British system of education. I went through this system during my school year of 1956 - 1969; I never liked school until i went to college in Green Bay, Wisconsin where i graduated in 1982. O owed the US government USD10000 and paid back in full after ten years.

My first classroom experienced happened at the Sekolah Rendah Kampung Jawa, today renamed Sekolah P.Ramlee after Malaysia's icon actor of the Black and White screen. One morning while listening to the teacher i must have floated out of the window and not paying attention and next thing i knew my face was forcefully slammed to the desk top. His name was Cikgu Hamid and till this day I remember his face. Fortunately my uncle the man who adopted me decided to change me to an English School instead it was a life saver for me after the trauma of one incident I dreaded school. I was registered at the Francis Light Primary School located on the junction of Anson Road and Perak Road. There is a Chinese Temple at the junction and it is still there after all these years. Walking to school from Sungai Pinang and River Road was a pleasure as I would pass so many exciting scenes from the field of hutan deruju { a thistle like plant growing to 6 feet tall} These plants are mostly found in mangrove areas along the coastal shore and then the Tan Lembu or cattle coral are where the Indians live and the place looked like Little Rural India from the distance. I had a few Indian friends in there and once in a while would hang out with them as I loved the smell of cow dung and curry cooking in the air. Even as a child i was very sensitive to the sense of smell of my surroundings, I can still smell my village after the hightide at noon and the smell of a pile shit five to six feet below me while I take dump. I loved the smell of bales of rubber in the Gudangs along the Weld Quay and the tangy smell of onion on board the HMS State of Madras or the vessel The Rajula which would dock where my uncle worked and sometimes he would arrange for me to be taken on board these ships, a guided tour by his office boy. Pig farms have a distinct smell to it from that of a goat coral or a cow's and chicken houses have a whole different aroma about them, I loved the fishy smell of the wet markets that I would go to with my grandmother and I love the smell of Jake's Pizza on Eastside Mainstreet of Green Bay, Wisc.

I have many days to recuperate from my operation, so I got time to dwell on my childhood days in a little more detail no reason why but simply cause I enjoy it. What i cherish most about my morning walks to Francis Light was during the flowering season of the Angsana trees that grew along Perak Road and bright yellow flowers would cover both sides of the road like a carpet of gold. The air was cooler back then sometimes early in the morning it was almost misty and made the whole scene like a wonderland. The smell if strong Chinese incense floats along into your mind reminding you that school is around the corner. It was a Love and Hate relationship I had with this school. I loved it for having allowed me to sing in front of the whole school on stage Elvis Presley's song "It's Now or Never!", it aloowed me to paint six feet tall murals hung all over the school every Parents' Day. I have never ventured into the school ever since I left it and every time I pass it i was tempted but I keep making excuses why not: I hated my school years there. My name was Nanda Sena s/o Simone Bartholomuze while I was in my primary school and this disqualifies me as a Malay among my fellow Malay students. Then I was raised as a Buddhist by my uncle and this disqualified me from going to the Friday Prayers on Fridays and that qualified me as a Kafir. I went home everyday to a house full of Muslim Malays, my Uncles and Aunts, my cousins, everyone who lived in the same house were Muslims except for my uncle and me. Well I must have retold this episode more then once so I will not get into it here even if I have all the time in the world. Moving right along back at school it would not be hard to figure out the consequences were for being in the state that I was - nothing is more vicious than a religious judgement and prosecution. The Malay boys distanced themselves from me but were never mean except for one or two who called me a kapiak or kafir in my face. I was too young to take to heart and fight back but it stung deep. So, I hung out with the Chinese boys!

What I missed at school was replaced by being at home where everyone except me was a Muslim and Malays and I was one of them without doubt even to my Kampung friends who were almost all Malays, no one ever called me a kapiak in my grandmother's house. Ego says. perhaps behind your back they did and i would have flipped had i known. Dealing with religious issues has been a real tough act to follow even for one who has tasted life in all its facets and levels. Even till this day I am still lost in the dark as to who or where i fit in where my faith and religions is concern. The closest I have come to an understanding is that I pray and worship one All Encompassing Being, the Supreme Consciousness, Lord of Creation and the Afterlife and as a Muslim by birth I call my Lord Allah Aza wa jala. The Lord of the Universe. and that Muhammad is His Messenger. From Him I have come and to Him shall I return. In the meantime I shall keep on living my life as I see fit honoring my Parents and their faith and fulfilling my destiny to the end that my children may have a glimpse of where or what I put my faith in. This too is a subject i have much discussed in my earlier posting and so I will give it  rest here. Suffice to say I dealt with my social and religious issues at a very early age and believe I have survived the worse. I did not turn away but took on the thorough understanding of all the religions that i was exposed to and till this day am making sense out of all the non-sense as my practice in life, I took it as a challenge eventually when I was smart enough to think intuitively. On many occasion when I came close to taking in my last breath I would pray to my Lord for forgiveness and surrender myself unto His Grace and Mercy. I return to Him as a slave returns to his Master and Owner. When I am in this state of mind I felt ready for death and almost look forward to it but it never happened and I have to keep on living. 

What is Education Today and Yesterday - Part one.

 

May You exist with the purity of a lotus in muddy waters!

A Buddhist saying that had stuck in my mind since when I first heard it said when I was in college in the 70s at the University of Wisconsin at Green bay. It was in one of the books that i had stumbled upon while shelving books at the University Library where i was doing my work study job as an assistant librarian. If i am not mistaken it was in one of Alan Watts works, The Way of Zen or was it The water Course Way? This Is It? Oh well it was when I first started my spiritual journey as a more serious pursuit of my life intentions. having gone through a divorce and the loss of custody to my son I was t the nadir of my life and came close to putting an end to it had it not for a friend whose love and compassion saved me from my foolishness. His name was Francis Wilson and was a medic during the Vietnam war. When I made his acquaintance he was working for the Green Bay Mental Home and was also a student at the University where i was. He approached me after my having given a lecture at one of the Interpersonal Communication Class on an invitation by the professor Jack Frisk who was became a good friend of mine after our encounters as student and lecturer. My talk was of my visit home to Malaysia as my final trip of my  course of study. I graduated with a BA degree through a self designed program a pioneer project carried out by the University of Wisconsin at Madison. After the two hour talk in front of some 90 students I was at the Rathskeller or the bar at the university where most unblued students hung out and there Francis Wilson and i became brothers after a lengthy conversation about life and what and where we have been.

Frank was also a Tae Kwon Do black belt instructor who ran a dojo in Green bay and knowing that i had some martial arts training in the Art Silat Gayung our friendship was sealed with me being involved in the dissemination of one of his student who he later told me was a hard head eager to hurt others type. Although I chastised me as it was meant to be a no contact sparring I should not have dropped the kid with one side swipe kick to his temple. Frank later told me that he was glad I taught the kid a lesson not to underestimate size and color and to curb his ego. As for me i felt the threat like it was an instinct that said that this kid was out to prove himself by hurting me and my strike was a spontaneous act of self preservation, of self defense. I am relating this event perhaps again for a reason and that is that i have on many occasions experienced this spontaneity in action especially when I gave up any form of control or expectation out of the outcome of this action. In this case the art and technique was inherent within me as i was an instructor at one time and had studied the Silat Seni Gayung to be recognized as a teacher among the Malays. This Art is alive within even though over time it was forgotten. In times of dire need the motions will arise from within and act. I remember a similar happening when I was employed at the H&H Ship Services on the San Francisco water front where I was faced with a life threatening situation and my body just reacted without any regard of the consequences, I have written of this episode in this Blog I am sure perhaps if it is of any interest one may refer back.   I am beginning to find that my blog lengthy as it is is like a book revelation or sorts. The stories are told to reflect over and over again of what did really happened in the past and what it had to offer in the form of a teaching ad reminder and so when reading this Blog you will find the stories being repeated over and over like the analogies used in the scriptures. Far be it that I am seriously claiming it to be so and most of what i have written thus far were written with random choices of subject matter. It is only just now that I had this realization and although I was reluctant to dare compare my writing style to that of the Words of the Lord in His Good Books, it was just a curious discovery and who in their right mind have got the time or would want to venture into making this a study. The Universities now adays are caught up into creating the best robots there is in the form of humanoid, research on literature and the arts has become a waste of money and time especially here in this country.

They keep telling me that life is a lifelong learning process and only those with inclination towards making it so will see the wisdom in this saying. Those who are born to lead a life of one experiment after another can stay on this path that is known by many names throughout human history and I call it by its simple name; self discovery. On this path nothing is left to chance and every stone is turned upside down in order to discover what is hidden beneath. This is what Mahatma Gandhi is said to have practiced throughout his life, he said,"Life is one long experiment." He was responsible for the Satyagraha Movement that was later taken up ny Delson Mandela in South Africa and Dr. Martin Luther King in the United States and Thich Naht Hahn in Vietnam. 

Satyāgraha (Sanskrit: सत्याग्रह; satya: "truth", āgraha: "insistence" or "holding firmly to"), or "holding firmly to truth",^[1] or "truth force", is a particular form of nonviolent resistance or civil resistance. Someone who practises satyagraha is a satyagrahi.

The term satyagraha was coined and developed by Mahatma Gandhi (1869–1948),^[2] who practised satyagraha in the Indian independence movement and also during his earlier struggles in South Africa for Indian rights. Satyagraha theory influenced Martin Luther King Jr.'s and James Bevel's campaigns during the Civil Rights Movement in the United States, as well as Nelson Mandela's struggle against apartheid in South Africa and many other social justice and similar movements.^[3][4]    :Wikipedia.

Today Satyagraha is being manifested on campuses all over the world and the governments are at a loss at what to do other than resort to violence! Would it not be tragic if by chance a policeman violently taking a girl to the ground and hand tying her while his knee is pressed on her back, when he turn her over to discover that she is his daughter. Nah! God is not that cruel. Satyagraha is awakened and very much alive all over the world as ordinary people are awakened to the filth that they are being fed by the power that be, their very own elected leaders. The non - violence movement will lit up more social consciousness when believe in the children and stand by them in their battle against tyranny of any kind. This what education means, the ability to think wisely and with good intentions towards serving others for the benefit of the whole. It is time for the fathers to be fathers to their child and join in the movement towards achieving the goals of the young ones; they know what they are after even if you don't. Out of the feeling of Unconditional Love parents must take up their positions alongside their children on campuses to protect them if nothing else. Doing nothing is complicit to the violence your children face; and the child asked, "Where were you Dad, when they struck me down and lay their knee on my back like and animal?"

The Lam Wa Ee Medical Center - a 3 days retreat.

 I was discharged from the Lam Wa Ee hospital this morning after having had my hernia problem taken care of  by Dr. Yew Chor Giap a young Chinese doctor which took place on Friday morning. It was totally not what i had visualized! Did not feel the knife or the needle at all and as a matter of fact I was not aware that I was being worked on all the while. I was aware of people talking around me and I was waiting for the operation to begin, however before I was being wheeled out of the operation room and to myself i was saying, "Oh no! They have cancelled the operation but why?" Then as they were handling my body I did not feel the lower part of my body at all! They had worked on me while i was waiting! The pain came about half an hour after while I was laying in bed in the ward. Yes it hit me with an eager smirk, "You think your toothache was bad?" Then I thought of the amputated children of Gaza some with no Anaesthetize, my pain is minimal. The food was what hit me harder, hospital food! It lives up to its name and I think people fall sick from the prospect of eating it through the duration of their stay. No doubt it was prepared to help the healing process, however I cancelled my last meal and opted for SUBWAY sandwich instead. Over all the service was good and most nurses and interns were friendly and helpful. I was surprise to find many Indonesians coming as outpatients and enjoyed listening to the Indonesian Chinese speaking Bahasa Indonesia to one another in a family. IN Indonesia everyone is expected to be able to communicate in the National Language.

"Lam Wah" means “Chinese in the South” and “Ee” means “medicine”. Twelve community leaders were elected to be the first Board of Directors. Free consultation and medication in traditional Chinese medicine was offered to the public. Within a few years, this became very popular as a source of medical services not only to the Chinese community but also to the other communities in Penang. As a result of this, Muntri Street has since become known as “Lam Wah Ee Hospital Street”. As the demand for these services became more popular, two branch clinics were set up, one at Beach Street and the other at Magazine Road.

The idea of setting up a community health care center in Penang was first mooted by a few Chinese community leaders in 1876 and a fund-raising campaign was subsequently launched. A traditional-style building was completed in 1883 on a plot of land about 10,600 sq. ft. at Muntri Street. This was known as the Lam Wah Ee Hospital." I cut and paste simply to get a few facts of the Hospital, boring as it may be it is necessary to have  little history of the place where they cut you open and did some repair job. I remember on my previous visit not too long ago having a conversation about the hospital' history. He was a Chinese gentleman and he told me that the hospital was built to cater to the need of the local Georgetown Population in the days it was conceived. A Chinese millionaire or TaiKung had this idea to provide care for the society, free medical service. It was a noble act inspiring the local Chinese Kongsi or associations. There' the devil in the details in this story too, how did this hospital has become one of the most expensive private hospital catering more to foreigners who can afford than the locals. It cost me almost 5 thousand RM to have my hernia taken care of, most of those who can't afford this price tag gas to go the General Hospital where it might cost you nothing if you ever get it done. If they cannot get it done in a month in Kuala Terengganu what makes you think they can do it in Penang? I tried! When I asked one of my young Chinese friend here he laughed and said. "The Government has stopped the subsidy, without being subsidized they cannot function."

Anyway I got the Naz, in America to thank for in footing the bill and my two children here for their love and support in making sure that all goes well; I am blessed.

  

Just Rambling...

 

It is that time again where the mind has a total shutdown when it comes to ramble and it is alright cause there is nothing much to ramble about these days anyway other than the fact that life is  as it should be with each passing day reminding one that the end is around the corner. The joy of living is slowly ebbing away as the day to day routine is becoming pretty much a chore to keep the mind from thinking negative thoughts or yearning for the same addictions that has plagued mt life since I understood what the word meant. Like most everyone today the prime addiction is the Media, Internet, YouTube, TikTok and the rest. Being addicted to writing is also the reason I am up this wee early in the morning attempting to make this post. It is in keeping with he idea of turning garbage into compost for fertilizing my mind or deprive it from seeking other more rotten habits to keep busy with especially when one has the problem of sleeping. The prospect of being admitted tomorrow morning to have my hernia taken care of may be one of the reasons why I am having problem falling asleep. This would be the first major surgery I would be undergoing even though I am being told that it is a minor surgery. What worries me more is that they might find something more serious with my body in the course of their tests. High blood pressure I am confirm to suffer from and at the last doctor appointment i was told i have a prostate problem in the making, Diabetes I do not have according to the tests done in Marang Clinic in Terrengganu and they also told me I have no heart issues, then again who can tell. I used to not worry with what i might or might not have haunting my body except to take care of what ails me in the moment, like take Panadol whenever i have a migraine and laxative when i don't poop happily. 

Having lived for almost 75 years is to me a bonus that I do not deserve considering how i had abused my body in more than one way and living a very long life stuck to a wheelchair or anchored to the bed is not a prospect I look forward to. I am blessed and am grateful to have lived this life that is filled with a whole lot of ups and downs, having tasted the worse and the best it has to offer and then some. Regrets? Yes here and there things could have been better but then again things could have been a whole lot worse had i not made the right choices at a certain junction in my path to adulthood. As this lengthy Blog is a testification of pretty much of my journey from cradle to the grave in not too long from now, my life has been filled with colorful episodes and I am proud to say that not to many of my peers can measure up or down to what i have achieved or committed in the course of the path i have taken to get to where I am right now.  It is not that I am measuring myself to anyone in particular as living what is a successful life is relative according to each person's perception of what life is. To some it is material wealth, while to others it is spiritual, there are those who look at life's experiences as a criteria while to others simply making it without too much hassle fulfilling life's commitments is good enough. I believe all of these matters and then some and it is the some that makes it worthwhile.

As I have often reminded myself, I am an eclectic, one who picks the best of choices that works for me from and discard the rest as background music. I am not good at sticking to a routine too long or stuck to one job or one relationship for that matter too long, like every dream when held too long often turns into a nightmare or a fruit is just good too eat when it is just ripe but not when over ripe. I learned to let go and move on without looking back like burning my bridges behind me except for the purpose of reflections as I often do in writing this Blog. It is for me a good practice to reflect to look back and investigate a little upon what had transpired and where i could have done better or how i could have better tackled a situation that would have benefit me and others. I do not look back to dwell upon the past as a past time or to fill the gaps of boredom although it often ends up as such. I study my past in order to better my future or simply put not make the same mistake. 

Then again, I am living in heaven on earth compared to the slaughter house called Palestine, or Syria or a few others of the African Nations like Yemen, Sudan and others and i was just out of curiosity watching a guy telling  on YouTube why he has to leave this country after vacationing here of the past two months.; it is too hot for his taste!

   

Don't Blame it on the devil, blame yourself.

 Whatever one has to say or accuse or curse the Zionist Israel for has been expressed from the highest court of justice to the lowest of human society, hovels and ghettos throughout the globe. From the coffee shops in rural Malaysia to the halls of learning New York and London, the word is out that Israel has committed the heinous crime of genocide towards the people of Palestine. It is curse today to be a Palestinian and a Jew for both have become a victim of the same crime of genocide whether as the perpetrator or the victim of the atrocities committed. In this day and age of our so called civilized society, the world watches in horror as the conflict escalates towards a major geopolitical catastrophe as neighboring states are dragged into the fray of insanity as it spreads like a cancerous virus threatening every lifeforce in its path. Is Israel the final clarion call for the demise of humanity as foretold in the scriptures of the end of days? God's chosen people? Did it say what they were chosen for in the scriptures? According to the Quran the third and last of the Holy Books of the Judaic Christian and Islamic religions  the Jews have betrayed the covenant between God and themselves and thus cursed as race on the face of the earth. If one is to understand religion through historical facts and revelations, what is being committed in the Gaza today is epitome the Zionist Jewish fulfilment of the Quranic warnings with regard to why the Jews are to be shunned and rejected, this is historical manifestation of the Jewish Nation as forewarned by Islam; it is a self fulfilling prophecy. WallahuAlam, only the Lord knows. "All in the hands of Interpretation." as Israel Shrenzel wrote in his related article. Radical Islam.

The devil is as always in the details of any subject that we encounter where thorough study is required and I am no religious scholar nor do i claim much understanding of the historical facts of these matters, however i trust my own personal intuitive take as i witness the unfoldment of  humanity's path towards it own demise. No amount of justification can convince me of the wrong that is manifesting in Palestine no matter the cause. I do not need to study beyond what is before me as history transpires itself all over the world oh how evil man can become in the name of good. When Love and Compassion, Grace and Mercy is thrown to the wind man has no more claim to his divinity but has succumbed to his animal instincts. As the Buddha, the awakened one had declared, man suffers from three illnesses, Greed, Hate and Ignorance and for as long as he is ruled by his Ego these illnesses will rule his sanity. There is no good jew or bad jew, good Muslim or bad Muslim, there is only greed, hate and ignorance that governs man, that is leading him towards his self fulfilling end of self destruction. This is suffering in the worse form of suffering and to end this suffering there has be an end to the self, the ego, the 'I' that suffers. The ending of the I does not need to be in a violent and negative way but through Right Understanding, Right Mindfulness, Right Consciousness, Right Speech, and so forth as the Buddha had laid out in His Eighthfold Path, of each and every man on the personal level. This can only be attain through self discovery, in knowing who we are or how we are connected to the rest of our fellow man.

Man is given the faculty to think and this faculty is what keeps us at the top of the food chain for one thing and this is why we are also at the bottom most when our thoughts and thinking processes goes awry, out of sync, bred out of ignorance rather than wisdom. Man is alienated from his ability to think in the most positive and constructive manner when he allows for his ego or 'nafs' to be the guiding principle of his thought processes like he allows for his personal animal desires or lust to manipulate his more spiritual or divine nature into committing transgressions against his fellow man simply because he thinks he can afford to do so or is more than capable to do so. When dictated by the whims of the ego, man thinks of himself with arrogance and self-aggrandizements, with narcistic implications and possessive tendencies, dismissing his sense of fairness and most of all compassion towards others who he thinks are beneath him. This is man's ignorance of himself, his ability to harness his thoughts and ideas into a more  productive and being put to the service of the greater good of his fellow man; this is the inflated ego syndrome that man suffers from which often ends up in his undoing. The Malays have a saying that says, "Be like the shaft of rice that is full and bows due to its weight, not an empty shaft that stands upright but hollow of content." 

It is said that the pen is mightier than the sword, likewise thought is mightier than the action; it took a single thought to create the Atom Bomb. In this day and age the powers that be, albeit the government or the religious institutions, the corporations or the military, maintains weary eye upon those who possess the habit of critical thinking. The dare to think out of the box or take a second look at what is considered the norm, to even dare to question the written words is taboo in most cultures and countries. However it is in the nature of man that he has a mind of his own when it comes to thinking and his thoughts knows no bounds for as long as it does not hinge upon the thoughts and believe of others in any negative way that would jeopardize his health and wealth. The mind is a God given faculty, it is a divine attribute that only man posses in the animal kingdom; it is either he uses it or abuses it that make the difference. 

 

     

Had I really lived? or Had I merely existed?

  The Insanity is pandemic as the world spins out of control with one nation after another falling into chaos with conflict after conflict being engineered to feed the military machine of the self proclaimed super powers that hungers for hegemony of the planet. It is rather sad to see the United States imploding into a sink hole of its own making day by day loosing the respect and admiration of other nations in that it had at one time carried the banner of freedom and justice in their eyes. It is like the salt itself has turn bad and there is nothing left to depend on when it comes to the preservation of human pride and dignity in self determination as a nation. Never in the history of man has there been a more paradoxical twist in the state of affairs as far as the planet and humanity itself where the best and the worse of possibilities is being manifested both creating and destroying at the same time. We are eating and shitting on the same plate we eat! While we celebrate the great achievements we have made in all our fields of endeavors albeit scientific, technological or aesthetics and so forth, we are at the same time fermenting death and destruction towards our fellow man. For every sophisticated weapon we create we are creating misery for those these weapons are aimed at and being typically human we justify our way out of every transgressions we have committed. And we ask where is God in all these! Where is the Divine in us that we can turn to for the sake of our own sanity if nothing else.

There is no sense in pointing our fingers here and there in order to find the faults that lies in others rather than within ourselves. As a human we are all complicit in everything that transpires before us within and external and it does not take genius or a mystique to spell it out for us where or what we need to do in order to realign ourselves to accord with the cosmic groove and to be in sync with the flow of nature. We just have to wake up on the right side of the bed and make our bed after before we embark upon making the world a better place for all. We simply have to look into the mirror and smile at what is looking back at us and feel grateful that we are still alive and aspire to be more so when we step out of the bath room. As we eat our breakfast we feel grateful for all those who are responsible for this meal to be possible, the sun, the rain the earth, the farmer, the grocer, the chicken, the pigs and so forth without any of these we will not be eating our breakfast. As we step out of our home to head for our place of employment we greet the world with a smile and a positive state of mind that helps to make it a great day that lies before us. What is so difficult about being in this state of mind thus far? Aside from being ill or having nasty toothache or a migraine or having lost your wallet the night before or any of the unforeseen circumstances, life really is simple but we tend to complicate it for no apparent reason sometimes.

Whether you are a carpenter of fly the Boeing 747, you are still a human being who walk this planet alongside your fellow man headed towards the same destination and that is the grave; this is as a matter of fact the gravity of our life no matter how we crawl, walk or run to get to our final destination. When all is said and done, when the final curtain drops and the fat Lady has sung the Blues, we can look at ourselves in the mirror and hopefully still smile and sing. "I did it my Way!" This is our destiny or we think it to be so as we step out of the circle into the 'Twilight Zone' of the afterlife to join those that have gone before us. What have we left behind us, what legacy have we to be proud of that our progenies can reflect upon as their heritage we wonder as we let go of that final breath; had i really lived? or had i merely existed. Life is cheap these day and age as is being proven over the ages where human life has become nothing but mere pawns in the games of thrones, of wars and clandestine sick pleasures of those who have no scrupulous about using and abusing others simply because they can afford to through wealth or aggression. Yet we pride ourselves as cultivated and civilized more so than ever in our dilapidated history ever since we learned to stand upright.

I feel less proud to be called a man, much less to be considered to be among the wise spiritually or otherwise. As I age I feel much older and less wiser as is commonly expressed among those who begin to see reality as it is; the sad truth for those who have walked the earth blindly for a greater part of their lives. How i often feel like a water buffalo being led to work the fields by a string pierced through my nose by some unseen hands that I had been attached to since the day I was born and now having had  a few glimpses of what life is all about I am beginning to feel the need to led to the pastures simply to just graze till death catches up with this old sack of skin and bones. How many more lives need i return to in order to become fully awakened and liberated from this vicious circle of birth death and rebirth or worse yet how long would i be spending my time in hell for all the transgressions and ignorance in this life for I do not believe like an atheist that I would simply escape retribution by simply being dispersed into the cosmos or emptiness. 

SUCH IS!!  

If all goes accordingly I will have my hernia operation taken care of.

 

My daughter and I spent half the day at the Lam Wa Ee hospital to set up for my hernia operation. The evening before when I was waiting to pick my two kids up from their work i felt some pain in my groin where the hernia is and i told my daughter this and off hand i just said to her to inform my eldest son that instead of my teeth i would like to have my hernia problem taken care of. The same evening she told me that we were going to the hospital and take care of my problem as my son has agreed to foot the bill. i was surprised but accepted the offer and so this morning we were at the hospital making the appointment. It took me almost a month and a half sometime in December till January trying to get this done in Terengganu which I had written in this Blog and the outcome. I tried to get it done in Terengganu thinking that it would have cost me a whole lot less it being a government hospital, however it did not happen for obvious reasons and so I had put it off till now. I have always believe that things happen for a good reason even if i do not see them and my efforts were not in vain as something else had happened that would not have happened had I not made the trip to Pulau Kapas and visited the Klinik Marang,{re-previous blog} in order to initiate the process of getting an operation like getting to meet strangers who visited the Island and learning about my relationship with my twin brother at whose home I had stayed for my last week there. As it is said it is not the destination that matters but the path that one takes to get there.

What i had not mentioned in the first paragraph above is that just before my daughter walked up to me leaning against the car and looking up at the sky I had just angrily told my body{hernia}, "Fuck you if you feel like making my life a misery and fuck to all of you that is aching and causing this misery, like there is nothing better to do!" It was a stupid gesture but i felt deeply pissed off at my physical form, like my gums still hurting after over a week long of having my two teeth yanked out of my mouth and my nagging back ache and my migraine headaches; yes life is suffering but what the heck?! A second latter my daughter had her arm around me joining me and looking up at the sky said, "What a beautiful sky!" I agreed with her and after that was when I told her about my hernia pain. The pain had happened perhaps because I had spent an hour walking around the shopping mall adjacent to the office building where she worked as I had made it my habit to do my walking exercise while waiting to pick them up and sometimes also do some grocery shopping while at it. This is how i keep myself mentally and physically occupied if and when i have to spend time waiting for whatever either i take these walks or I'd read a book which I always have one handy with me in the car. This morning while waiting at the hospital I had a book entitled, "Midnight with the Mystic" a book written about an experience with Sadguru the famous Hindu Mystic. These days one rarely see someone reading a book in public while most of the time you see people staring into their hand phones, a book reader is becoming a rare specie indeed.

After a few hours of waiting and a short examination I have a appointment set for Thursday the 23rd of this month to have my hernia problem taken care of. I am grateful to my eldest son and my daughter for making this happen although I have had an earlier offer to have this done by one of my nephews but i did not take on the offer as i told my daughter this evening I did not feel right about it and i have excuse except my own gut feeling. Now that my son has offered to sponsor the operation cost even when he  most probably feels like his dad is an undeserving jerk, I am beginning to see the wisdom on my decision not to accept my nephew's offer. Don't get me wrong, I love my nephew very much and am proud of his accomplishments in life but my heart had a different feeling which I could not discern till now. Another reason which I did not foresaw that happened was that a month or two ago my elder sister had to have her foot amputated due to diabetic issues and my nephew had to bear this cost which would have been hard on him had he paid for my operation too. Whether right or wrong I had to trust my judgement in making my choices.       

I still got Sendai on my mind.

 

Having spent three years of my life in Sendai, Japan as an artist, a father/babysitter, an art lecturer, a traveler documenting my experiences in my journals, i now feel like all those years seems forever gone without any trace. However when i browse through one of my sketch journals of Sendai, of which I have three, and when I look at the pictures of my two children and their mother seeming happy most of the time, I realize that no, the three years spent in Japan is still alive in me for it was my intention to begin with in keeping and on going journal of my life so as to keep some form of legacy for my children to look back upon as to their past, which in this case was a rich one. My two children spent their preschool years at the Mukaiyama Yochien or Kindergarten one of the most prestigious, sought after schools for preschoolers and we lived a walking distance from the school on the top floor of a five story building called the Dia Palace over looking a panoramic view the whole area from the ocean on one end to the hills on the other of the Sendai City landscape. Within walking distance up the hill was the Yasoen or the natural plants garden and next to it the Sendai TV Stations with the tall towers that lit up at night in multiple colors according to the weather. No, the three years I spent in Sendai was in fact a major turning point in my life and that of my family, it was a time when I was able to stay more or less 0ore focused at what I was doing albeit in doing my art or taking care of the kids while my late wife goes off to teach; I had take my responsibilities more seriously as I had to face a more challenging environment to raise my children; living among the Japanese was no walk in the park.

In Sendai my creative energy was it highest form as I found the space to do my work at the Miyagi Museum of Fine Arts where they had an open studio policy in order to encourage the people of Sendai into enjoying making art. The facility had four large studios catering to the various main artistic mediums like sculpture, photography, print making, painting and so forth and along with it they had four instructors to assist one with any need. It was the most impressive set up i have ever had the opportunity to be a part of for three years without having to pay a cent for all the time and space I spent there.

I met many local artists and shared my knowledge with them whenever I can as my Japanese was as good as my French but I learned to communicate with with less verbal and more action. I also learned from artist friends  that they were housewives and learned about their daily lives and how they cope with raising kids and enjoying their favorite pastime like making art. Nowhere have i come across the creative arts being so much appreciated and expressed than while living in Sendai. 

I met a few foreign artists who like me dropped in one day and stayed on till it was time to move on like Mr. Pimenta who was from Brazil and married to a Local. He traveled to Mongolia and studied the Mongolian technique of 'Mandala Painting'. The technique was a very delicate form that uses water color which in itself is not and easy medium to master, Pimenta was a very patient artist if i ever met one.

 

One of my 'Mono Prints' done at the Miyagi Museum of Fine Arts, Sendai, Japan. 1976.

I got to learn a great deal about myself and what I was capable of if I set my mind to it like having six solo art exhibition at a few of the Sendai City Art Galleries including the Miyagi Museum Art Gallery itself. I also realized that I had to rein in my desires especially towards the opposite sex while living in Sendai where it almost seems like everyone knows who you are even if you yourself don't. I learned to listen more than let my thoughts be exposed too much. I found the Japanese were most ready to help you if you know how to ask. The most important lesson I learned was to keep my ego in its proper place all the time for the Japanese I found were good at reading you or where you are coming from, genuine or fake. 

   

The stats have taken a dive, I better start writing says the ego- who really cares says me.

 

Yes. I am taking a short time off from engaging my mind in rambling about pretty much anything and everything which I find it loves to do; it has a mind of its own or so it seems. As I find myself stuck in the crossroads of my path I find myself having to slow down and make decisions as to whether left or right. Before i was more spontaneous in my actions, I often acted on impulse and without much thought invested into it. Now it seems I need to take more naps than usual like a cat or dog after every short spurt of activity a short nap is called for perhaps to realign the body, mind and soul kind of pit stop; to catch a breath. Sometimes i feel myself like riding the Shinkansen from Tokyo to Sendai, it was speedy but it was also the most boring except in some special places where the train slows down for  the benefit of picture taking, like the sight of Mount Fuji. The sceneries outside the window is just one long blur of colors, it was more fun to get a closer look at the fellow Japanese passengers especially the women! I liked taking train rides top the countryside in the slower regular train which was often in my feeling more relaxed about getting there and the passengers are more interested in eyeballing you as the 'Gaijin' or the foreigner which time carries a much more derogatory connotation to it. So one's attention was more focused on the  slow drifting countryside and the small towns as the train winded its way into the bamboo covered hills and snow covered mountains. I was headed towards Yamadera Zen Mountain Retreat an ancient temple build into the mountain sides of the Yamadera Mountains in the Yamagata Prefecture. 

                Posing before my mural " Fuji San", in Dubai with Tarik an Emirates Air Capt. originally from Lebanon. The painting was done on my son's living room wall.

Perhaps my train itself is slowing down, my practice of self discipline, my aspiration towards attaining enlightenment, my yearning to become an acceptable Muslim my road towards atonement foe all my past transgressions, they are all slowing down, like grinding to a halt. I feel a whole lot more tired after doing some light work or do my daily chores and i find myself having to be persuaded to do something more so than ever. Is this a sign of old age creeping into my whole being. Is this when I start giving up or giving in, my art, my music, my love for cooking and chatting with my friends and relatives, all these that mattered in the past seem like they are drifiting away from my consciousness being replaced by NETFLIX, YOU TUBE, Face Book and the rest of the Media that is like a never ending story of wars and conflicts, famine and starvation, and the weather going hellter - skellter. 

I am not ready to give up just yet and with whatever time I have left to my name I intend to untangle the tangle that i have allowed to happen in this my life. After 75 years I need to understand a the very least who or what I truly am in the scheme of things. I am not as confident as to claim my self the Atman or the Supreme Consciousness or Brahman as the Hindu Advaita teachings has claimed, nor am I any closer to being an enlightened being as I know I keep flip - flopping back and forth from bliss to ignorance every single moment. I am not a devout Muslim for sure as compared to most my brothers and sisters and I am not rich like them; so what am I? Who am I? 

The answers are there but they are not manifested into action, they are purely intellectual to say the least and whatever experience I have had that can be construed as anything close to spiritual is mostly triggered by the shift in consciousness due to getting stoned or too many beers, but I do feel that the answers I have to these doubts and despairs that i put myself through whenever i do not feel well or well balanced within, the answers I have but i cannot fully claim my Perfect Dharma Position, that Primordial Ground from which I stand and deliver these answers; they are the essence of my spiritual understanding and acceptance, they are private. My ego enjoys its making sense out of non-sense, spin stories in order to justify my existence, create situations to add color and meaning to this otherwise a long boring and tedious journey that we call life. So I am listening to 'Song of the Butterfly' by Istvan Sky and Estas Tonnes, in Hungary. a song I liked when I first listened to it on You Tube a few years back. I like the energy that it gives me almost a spiritual hike especially when I was feeling low. It is to me one of the most healing tunes I have listened to. 

After his victory at one of his wars, the prophet of Allah is said to have said, "You have won a battle but you have an even more challenging Jihad within you." There is no rest until this battle within is won and you are set free of your nafs, your ego. 

 

Matsu Basho the legendary Japanese wanderer and poet exclaimed,"Matsushima Ya! Ya! Matsushima, Matsushima Ya!." a Haiku. Matsushima is considered the third most visited spot in Japan. I fell in love with the place the moment the slow train pulled into the station at Matsushima; this was Japan! in my mind.