Nisargadatta Maharaj -revisited.

Upon meditating to the video, Nisargadatta Ultimatum Pointers on You Tube last night, I felt the touch of conclusion to my never ending serrch for the truth as to who am I. It seems like the ultimatum set by this Great Teacher is like the culmination of all that i have been asking and acknowledging of myself has been laid to bare with challenges that are tall orders to accept but the truth none the less. His words as in most of his teachings stripped me of all the fallacious thoughts and ideas i have held over the years leaving me with the simple truth of  the essence of who I truly am. Scary to a point but nonetheless a challenge for me to accept and move on from this conundrum I have been grappling with my entire life. It is like reaching the summit of the Mystique Mountain to discover the glory that is like that of the setting sun.

It is not that this is the first time i encounter the teachings or even this very video before, however listening it at three in the morning my mind that was moments before in turmoil came to a stop and listened i did with my heart and soul. After listening for a while I came to the realization of my absolute ignorance and the fallacy of my journey, often lost in contemplation over thoughts and ideas that I have been accumulating from all manner of teachings and pondering over the thoughts of great minds of the ages. It is not that they are in error, but that I was not listening with my heart. Prior to listening to the Nisargadatta Ultimatum I was listening to the dialogue between Eckhart Tolle and Ram Dass talking about the same similar subject of Love and so forth but was not impressed and stopped half way through as both men seemed too tedious to listen to. Ram Dass having suffered from a stroke was incoherent while Tolle was as he always has been for me, too monotonous and the topic they raised were what I have heard repetitiously over the years. I almost totally gave up and decided to give in to my more base instinct of watching a Chinese sex related video out of frustration and call it a night. Then on the same link I noticed the Nisargadatta video and took my chances against my baser instinct.

I had decided not to write of this awakening experience as I felt that it is too precious and personal in nature to share on an open Blog like this, however I had made a promise to myself long ago that I will share all, good or bad and if in making this post I loose some of the essence of my realization and awakening of the early morning hours, so be it. After all nothing really has changed, as I still have to put up with my female feline soulmate meowing out loud while she is going through her cycles of needing a male cat while I was trying to concentrate on to the video, I took it as a challenge instead. Later this morning when she came into my room and was loud and irritating waking me from my sleep, I was angry at her and threw my underwear at her. Yes, nothing changes really except this time i felt her agony, like her loud meowing which sounded horrifying at times was a cry of pain and anguish and I felt a wave of shame came over me. I got up and picked her up and carried her around like a baby in my arms where she laid quiet. Under normal circumstances she would never let me pick her up much less held her in my arms for a long time, this only my daughter can do as my son too is not brave enough to pick her up when she is well. In her I felt suffering.

" Prior to any recognition, you already are. The ultimate you can never be lost, You are the absolute, you swallow the entire Universe. This body is continuously changing, it was not there, it appeared and will disappear, it is not you, you were not born at all, only the announcement of your existent is there, you existed even prior to your birth, your existence is eternal..."
                                                                      Nisargadatta Maharaj.