A Bottle of Whiskey to drown my sorrows.

"Amused itself to Death," (cover) on You Tube, a song by Roger Waters, one of my all time favorite performers. I was first exposed to Pink Floyd sometime in 1978 when the album "Wish You Were Here." was going rampant on campus at the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay. I remember having returned from a two and hafl month trip to the South West States of New Mexico, Arizona and Colorado driving a Chevy Impala 1964  model sold to me for 2Us Dollars by my girlfriend M.Counard a car that had belonged to her grandmother. Which should I relate?The M.C relationship saga or the trip to the South West, as both were equally eventful as tales to look back upon goes  I will choose the trip or rather the end of the trip upon my return to the campus battered and beaten both the car and the driver. 

The car was smashed in a hit and run incident that happened on Highway 666, between Gallup and Durango on the border of New Mexico and Colorado. The passenger side was flatten from the front to the back after being hit by what looked like a pickup truck at one am. in the morning, it was sheer miracle that I survived the ordeal while driving through the Navajo Reservation and that was another tale yet worth telling and have been told many times in this Blog in the past. When I arrived back to Green Bay after my long trip I was exhausted and spent, physically, emotionally and spiritually. My first stop in Green Bay was at my good fried Francis Wilson's home where I found him leaving his house and giving me the keys telling me that he and his wife were getting divorced ; bummer! Then learned from my mother in law that my three year old son had left for Germany with his mother and God knows if and when I would see him again. I made it to the campus and decided to hang out with my Thai students buddies apartment where they upon feeling sorry for my state of affairs then decided to spare me a bottle of Whiskey to drown my sorrows. 

I remember sitting and leaning against the wall of their living room and experiencing an out of body experience where I felt like I was no more in any pain but watching my painful emotional, physical and mental state happening a few feet away from me and I was blasted out of my mind listening to Pink Floyd, "Wish You Were Here," full blast on ear phones from a high performance sound system only the Rich Thai Kids could afford. I woke up with the earphones still stuck to my head and the music still playing as the album kept repeating God knows how many times. The Kids from Thailand had left for their classes and had left me some food on the table knowing that I would need it when I woke up, I was lucky to have made their friendship. They were cousins and one was the son of the Chairman of Thai Airways. The tires to the Chevy Impala were sports radials which came off one of their fancy cars and when I eventually had to sell the car to the junkyard I got some money just for the tires. 
#Green Bay,Wisc.#Chevy Impala, #Pink Floyd, # New Mexico, Arizona, #Colorado, #Hwy.666, #Navajo Reservation.

     

The Alan Watts creation group on fb.

 The late Alan Watts is no doubt one of the most influential contemporary spiritual/ philosopher that has today garnered a good following in his thoughts. He is indeed one of those who has been able to bridge what the East and West has to offer in terms of spirituality and religion in the practicality of our daily life. I have read most of his works and am now following a group on the Face Book link entitled "Alan Watts creation." I joined this group out of curiosity to see if i could fit in with my limited understanding of the man himself. I was however able to visit his House Boat docked permanently at the Sausality Boat slip. The S.S. Vallejo si today upgrade to a tourist attraction status if it has not be turned into a restaurant already. I visited the boat sometime in 1983-4 when i was living in the area.

A few years later while I was living at Green Gulch Farm Zen Center as a Practicing student a couple of friends and I made a trip up the hill to visit Alan's memorial site which lay close by to the memorial site of the son of the Author of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, the sixteen years old was killed in an alley on Polk Street in downtown San Francisco or so I was told. My Zen brothers and I would normally have with us a bottle of 'Sake', or Japanese wine and a few joints of the best to set our mood in the right direction towards the dear departed Zen master's presence or we just needed a place to hang out reading poems and and reciting Haikus like we were real Zen Bums. And I later met his son who came to stay at the Green Gulch for a short time and i called him mark like everyone else. He was definitely not his as he was mostly quiet and reserved, kept to himself mostly, perhaps why he was at Green Gulch. So I never got to tell him how his old man's thoughts and ideas changed my life when I first read his book, The Way of Zen and the rest was history.

Here are a few questions raised by the group;
a) Can consciousness create consciousness?
b) Where does wisdom come from?
c) Has Alan Watts helped you in your day to day life and if so why and how.
and there is a host of other questions that is simply thrown in there to help stir the mind to think like Alan Watts would have wanted one to, or perhaps would have discouraged one to. But each to his own perception and understanding and in the spirit of being inclusive and sharing i decided  to entertain myself by answering one or two questions and off course i came up against the die hard, I am ..that...I am individuals who quote God Himself in putting up a defense against a nonexistent offense. I most probably will withdraw my participation with this group as it is cluttering up my fb page with too many postings of irrelevant issues.

Yes I have set myself up to be sucked into the digital media world of  communication like it is another addiction which occupies hours of my time every day. My intention in seeing that this has become a way of life now for me is to use the media as much as possible and tell my story, share my artworks and give my two cents worth of advice where it is needed and worth giving. At 71 I am entitled to be able to come to one or two conclusions about life and it it would seem a waste not to let it be known to the younger generations of my time. Against better judgement sometimes I will let my  thoughts and feelings, talent and intuitions go if it makes sense and hope that they help to heal or cheer up someone far away unknown to me. As I have maintained in the past, my thoughts and actions are done out of the need to heal myself much more than others and they are also my own personal state of consciousness. What is right is always God's and what is in error is mine, for those who read my postings the choice is yours.
#Alan Watts,#Haiku,#Zen Bums,#The Way of Zen,#The S.S.Vallejo,#Green Gulch Farm, #Sausalito, #and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

Happy International Jazz Day!

You can wake up early in the morning with a bad head ache and lower back pain thinking of what next, to make breakfast and take away food for the kids going to work, do the laundry, feed the cat and the birds outside or simply just lay back down and continue to vegetate. Nah laying back down is not an option and doing a little meditation with a good breathing exercise would help to start off the day like it has always done. Ate some Quaker oats with resins and a banana mixed into it and topped up with full cream milk. Breakfast of champions? Hardly, just something to fill up an empty tummy, to avoid getting gastric attacks from an empty stomach. No matter how hard you try to maintain that you are the master of the Body, Speech and Mind, your physical body will continue towards its breakdown as you age in one way or another, The decadence of the mind follows sooth as you become less and less mindful and more and more resentful of the outcome of your life thus far, wishing and feeling that there is always more to it. 

I am fortunate that I am always woken up at precisely fine am by Furby my cat by scratching the mattress until i responded and in my state of aches and pains I would have to walk to the kitchen and fill up her bowls. Often my body refuses to bend down to pick up the bowl from the floor for fear of throwing out my lower back with muscle twist, happened many times in the past. By the time I got the dishes done and started to cook I notice often enough that all my aches and pains simply disappear. After all that is needed to be done has been done, I then turn on the computer to see what the world is up to out there, what good or bad news lay in store this morning and discovered that today is Jazz Day and a video hosted by the Master Jazz Artist, Herbie Hancock, was on the the Face Book post. It is a beautifully done Video honoring Jazz artists all over the world. I was introduced to Jazz music at the age of twelve onward by my eldest Brother who had a collection of Jazz Albums in his home.  I got to know Cannon Ball, Ramsey Lewis, Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Satchmore Amstrong, Ray Charles and many others at an early age and I still fancy Jazz as the most influential music in my life.

Then I turned on You Tube to see what gives and found The Maharaj Sri Nisargadatta talks on, 'Prior to Consciousness,' could not let that slip by and so listened to part of it telling me again and again that I am the Para Brahman, the ultimate, primordial state of Pure awareness. I realized the truth of the matter that the Guru has been telling me while listening to his talks time and again over the past years, but to embrace such a revelation in totality is a bigger challenge, it is like dropping off the ego if not the self itself, the Buddha's final leap of faith, in letting go. Complete detachment from, the body, mind and finally the spirit itself or that which I would consider to me my true nature; that which existed prior to the 'I' consciousness. Scary! It is definitely not for the weak at heart or weak in spirituality to grasp fully, however the Maharaj talks has moved me to a whole higher level of my understanding of who 'I AM' or what am I.  I do not claim to fully understand what the Guru has explained, however from as much as I could comprehend, I must say not teaching thus far has brought me to the edge; Sri Nirgasardatta is of the contemporary Buddha of our time or should I say a fully enlightened Being of our age.

And now half the day has passed, i feel like its nap time. My salute to all the Jazz masters who have taken music to a whole different realm of creative evolution.



      

Living the life with my son in Dubai.

A

When times are  rough it is good to remind yourself when it was sunshine in Dubai. the sea was busy you walked the Souk accompanied by two lovely young ladies.

Precious smiles that money can't buy, it was good to feel young again every now and then, even if it was a momentary grand illusion.

,

You feel like you are on top of the world, you own it all this is your projection this is Your manifestation! Yeah right! I created this scenarion! The ego at times has to be entertained too so you know how to maintain your posture in life.

Nothing wrong with that if it is all bought and paid for, I have earned the right of passage to be in this moment enjoying the gift of life. I don't ask where it came from and how i got there, I was just there. merging into the background.

Moments like this comes but once in a lifetime where two cousins meet in Dubai, the meeting of 'Great Minds'  

My nephew who I used to carry on my shoulder when he was a toddler. 

My son's passion, Ice Hockey and he is the Goal keeper. He has been playing this game since he was at San Jose State University. 

Remember the good times you've had -cherish them.

The most delicious lamb shank I ever had at an Iranian Restaurant. The meat just melts in your mouth with the spicy taste that sends your senses on the Silk Road.

A  Boat will ferry you to this Thai Restaurant for it is surrounded by a moat.. The food is out of this world served with best of Thai hospitality. 

I was driven into the desert and got a taste of what being in an ocean of sand is like. As an artist who like monochromatic drawings, the desert, like the snow in winter, attracts my senses.  

Walking 'The 'Souk' or Market place was like being back in time  during the times of Harun ul Rashid, or Omar Khayam. The antiques and the jewelries on display makes your head spin with a sense of a time traveler. I like to imagine to myself wherever I go..

Having a good relaxed  evening among friends.

Having dinner at one of the most

 well known and fancy Iranian Restaurant in Dubai with Eleanor and Tarik. 

Capturing the moment on paper as I always try to do wherever i go.

Today this is all but memories that remains and the good memories are worth keeping for they can heal or ease your mind when it is needed, you enjoy life while it last knowing that each moment will pass.

Perhaps our path will never cross again, I will always remember your kind and gentleness;thank you. You made my visit to my son and Dubai most comfortable, I felt at home, knowing inside me that this too will pass...#Dubai, #Ice Hockey,#

Working on a Mural in Dubai - 2011?

I am a Story Teller when it comes to about who I am.

And I ask myself what else have i got to  look at in my day to day life for the past few days, nothing eventful to talk of, no dramatic life changing episode, nothing out of the ordinary, life as usual. Do the dishes and wash the laundry, think of what to cook and perhaps sweep the house, not forgetting to feed the cat and the birds outside. Water the plants and before all that do some yogic stretching after having sat in meditation on the bed for half an hour or so. All these started at just before five in the morning. Then there's the drive to the store to pick up this and that and dropping by the fisherman's hut by the sea to chat with a few friends about this and that, including how I take the self pursuit of who I am as my prime motive in living; Know thyself, I tired to explain what it means. I shared about my life experiences and what i practice throughout my life and I wonder how much they had understood. I raised a few questions that I know had made them stop to think, I tried to share myself being the eldest in the group and one who had earned the rights of passage to speak spiritually. 

I had joined the Alan Watts Group on Face Book and am enjoying seeing how the works of Western Zen Master is being studied and understood by an international group of people involved in making a study of the Zen Philosopher. Alan Watts as I have written many times in my past postings was on of the first few contemporary philosopher who had influenced my life. I first read his book "The Way of Zen" and knew that I was destined to study Zen Buddhism as past of my spiritual experience; i joined the Zen Buddhist Monastery a few years latter in California. I spent two years as a Practice Student at the Green Dragon Temple aka Green Gulch Farm Zen Center. The monastery is located in the Sausalito area of Marin County, in a valley that stretches from the top the Tamalpaias hillside and stretches all the way to the Pacific Ocean at Muir Beach. It was one of the most beautiful yet painful life altering experience of my life, I came to understand the teachings of the Buddha for what it is, simple yet a tremendous challenge to act upon.

This was basically I was trying to share with my fellow Malay Muslim friends who were relaxing there having  trying to make sense at what I was talking about. I find that as i began to relate about myself through the years, the stories began to unravel one connected to another albeit into the past or the future. This was what I had done or been through for every stages of my life from childhood to being an adult and now an old timer...Malays call us Otais out of respect. I realize as I shared my experiences I could go on and on forever as each story , an episode, a minor or major event, changes has interrelated stories connected to them; I am a story teller and I have stories to tell. This is my story, this lengthy Blog, Ramblings of the Cheeseburger Buddha posted since very regularly since 2005. This Blog which started off just as a journal of my travels and experiences I have had in 1978 was as a sketchbook journal of my travels in England as a student. This too has an interesting story that is connected to it, what, why and how come this happened, like how come you ended becoming a student at the University in Wisconsin at Green Bay?(UWGB), and so I start talking about how i worked in the meat packing plant for three years in Green Bay, Wisconsin before I was talked into becoming a student at the University...and that story is as interesting as the one that I was trying to share to begin with.

But the show must go on...I have sang my song and played my music and I have told my story, now it is time perhaps to manifest them in my daily life, here we are all telling our own stories some we are proud of and some not so. What have we to share except for our own stories in the hope that it would be entertaining as well as beneficial towards those who listen. 

Gold, - The trap.

Woke up this morning catching the tail end a dream that was saying something like, " ...because man worship gold he will always have difficulty in making changes in his ways. Hmm, what does it mean? So here I sit and am trying to unravel this revelation an the first thing that came my mind is that, gold is immutable, incorruptible, hence the answer to this message in from my dream?
Gold is Money.. Gold has been money for thousands of years. And one of the easons gold is money is because it's immutable. That's just a fancy way of saying it can't be changed or destroyed...
.
But humanity in more than one way needs to change, man needs to change his ways or he will not survive as a species into the future. How can man change, how can I change if that which i hold most dearest is an immutable element, gold (wealth)? With gold, life can happen in a much more expansive and productive ways, for gold is a symbol of wealth and wealth leads leads to good health or so it seems. But as gold is corruptible through a chemical process as my father who was a Goldsmith by trade had proven to me, wealth often turns to greed. Gold can be made into an alloy by melting it down and mixed with copper. Muslims it is said should not wear any form of pure gold for it is believe that it saps your energy and so the gold items were 'watered down by mixing with other metals., wealth too if acquired without obsessiveness is commendable. So what does all these got to do with the dream I had?

I do not know if i had interpreted my dream as accurately, but it was the first thought that came to mind as I was waking up from the dream, that it had to do with the fate of man being possessed by greed instead of wealth. We cling on to and desire for more than is needed, never enough. This is one of the cause for our inability to
transcend and change our lot for the better; we as a species are stuck with acquiring the impermanence rather than seeking for the more permanent in life.
#Gold,



    

Letting go of those I had loved and respected in the past.

My eldest son, was laid off from his job along with some 600 others by Emirates Airlines in Dubai, he was a Flight Captain. We have had a parting of ways for a few years now ever since he got married to a British lady and till today i have no idea what the beef is about.  I was told that one day he and I were going to sit and hash it out man to man and so I am not holding my breath about it as loosing a son is not that big a deal anymore to me than loosing my cat. When someone holds such low opinion of you and take you for granted, it is not worth the salt to try and save the relationship just as I have accepted the same to be true in my relationship to my two remaining elder brothers. The eldest one is disappointed in how my life has turned out to be whole my twin brother is scared of me for some odd reason that is yet to be revealed. Just like my eldest son my twin does not think it worthwhile to explain what my faults are and now it is too late cause it has ceased to matter anymore.

At my age i could exit this life at any moment given that I might be suffering from kind of ailment or another that involves pains in my chest, but till the Fat Lady sings the Blues, I will live the rest of my life with less concern and lighter state of being. I used to carry these individuals in my mind like albatrosses hanging around my neck and rotting with vengeance. I was dumb enough to have thought that being converted to Islam I am to preserve the blood relationship or 'SiratulRohim' among us siblings, relatives and friends, but I feel like I have been a sucker all these years and yes a part of me often still does, but today, this morning I will say to them, "F..k you guys if you cannot take a joke." You can judge me all you want it will soon be over when either one of us is thrown into the ground and as for who was right or wrong, keep it to yourselves, it is too late to matter what they anymore. As far as I am concern all of you have given up the right to point your fingers at me anymore. I have never did nor will I envy you in this life and let this be the testimony this morning. 

I am grateful and thankful for all that you have given me in any form as we have grown over the years and I will forever indebted to you but I too have done my part in giving to all three of you, it may not be much but I give what i could afford. I hold no grudge nor blame against anyone and nor do I deny the fact that i was never a nice man r claim to be so. So perhaps we will never ever again be able to sit and iron out our grievances in this lifetime, but know this much that as for me I am absolutely free of my attachment or identification with all three of you, my eldest brother, my twin brother and my eldest son. All three of you who have axes to grind against me throughout my life and who i had loved and respected the most, ironically, I now cut off my psycho-emotional and spiritual ties with you as my final letting go of the crap that I had accumulated being a man in this life. I am and was never a devoted Muslim, but if I am to be punished for having severed this relationship between us, God willing I accept it willingly.

It is now out in the open, the stench of festering wound has been let out from my aching system and I hope to heal my soul from this deep rooted, ancient and twisted karma once and for all. I am letting three skeletons out of my closet, three ghosts from my consciousness and may they stay out for good. I do not say this out of hate or anger anymore but out of love and respect for my own well being if not my sanity. I will not try to justify even if a gun is held to my head, but suffice to say it took me a very long time in coming to this conclusion and closing the chapter between us.

Time to rake the sand in my garden..

I strongly feel that unless we have done our footwork or homework, our 'inner engineering' or our research into our self thoroughly and fully comprehend our inherent nature, the Unborn Buddha Nature as the Buddha called it, we will never touch the immensity of our true Being-ness. I feel one has to have not a single doubt in the mind and fully become merged with the'observer' before we can the universality of our human consciousness or as some people would have it as saying 'we are the Universe,, observing ourselves through this Being-ness. We have tor remove the veils of ignorance layer by layer until there is no veil between our sense of perception and that which we perceive.. We are not this physical form nor are we this mind and mental formations, what are we? This is what we are looking for, the answer to this insignificant question or so it seems and in order to find the truth to the answer we have work to do.

Talking about work, I find that working doing something albeit for our survival or simply for the joy of working is one of the best form of healing, Working on ourselves, mentally, physically and spiritually is a whole different kind of work, it is self imposed, it is simply called self discipline. Working on yourself takes a whole lot of discipline because there is no one making us do it, it has to happen through our own initiative. We make it happen, We do not get paid nor are we appreciated for doing it, however do it we must if we are to become awakened from this slumber we call life with all its dreams and nightmares. Carrying out work of any form, whether mental spiritual or physical, keeps the mind occupied at least more focused than scattered as it always is. A scattered mind can never find its way to the true nature of itself much less of who we truly are. We are all capable of collecting and accumulating knowledge, but few can assimilate and become the knowledge itself or by letting go of all that we think we know is one way to better know the unknown,(death and afterwards).

If everything you do on a daily basis, cooking, cleaning, driving, planting, fishing,,, whatever, is done in a focused if not meditative mode, you are freeing your mind from what is called a 'scatter brain,' or in Buddhist term 'the monkey mind.' You have four horses pulling a chariot and each horse has its own mind to go in its own direction, how can you get anywhere?  Hence you have the whip and the reins to keep them in line all headed in one direction that your desired destination. This is accomplished through work and discipline and most of us today do not have the time nor the inclination to take on this work or practice. The Japanese people in my experience of having lived in the country for three years, have mastered this art of living closely with nature, most inherently practice either Shintoism or Zen Buddhism, both of which emphasizes the importance of being rooted in the present moment while performing any activity. The need to watch the mind drops once the mind is set focused on an activity that it has become one with through tedious repetition; like raking the sand in the garden.
#Unborn Buddha Nature,#Shintoism,#Zen Buddhism.





    

Stop looking to what was and be in the here and now.

The habitual looking to our past has one of the most negative impact upon our consciousness and the human mind is very much attached to this especially the intense, more dramatic or traumatic events of our past life experiences. Events and episodes that has left indelible impressions upon our psyche, events that has triggered guilt in us having caused misery towards others, events that we witnessed or participate in that we can never reconcile, or justify with, these are among the most corrosive of our past experiences and our mind is attached to them throughout our lives resurfacing every now and then to remind us of our shortcomings and weaknesses in the past. Some of which has become so ingrained in our consciousness that we identify with them as who by nature we think we are.

One of the most common and has a very high impact on our memories of past experiences are those that involves relationships especially with the opposite sex. Our sexual encounters albeit good or bad stays with us for a very long time or perhaps even for the rest of our lives. Most of us blame ourselves for our shortcomings and why we failed and we carry this blame like a sore that will never be healed. Sometimes no matter how we try to dismiss or forget an episode the drama will pop up at any time when it is triggered by any similar situation in our present moment and often cripple our mind with negative thoughts that equates with the circumstance we are experiencing. Negative past experiences enforces in us the sense of low self esteem with guilt feelings. We need to find ways and means to drop these old negative baggage and move on with new re-enforced positive ones. Determined not to repeat past faults we have to learn to accept, forgive and forget; letting go is never easy but not impossible.

In Zen Buddhist practice, meditation practice is the essence of the teaching and one of the practice of sitting meditation or Zazen in the meditation hall or Zendo is how one enters the meditation hall. As one takes off one's zoris or sandals and lay down one's back pack or whatever, one also lay aside one's mind. The student walks into the Zendo with an empty mind all thoughts and phenomena is set aside like the physical baggage and they can be collected on the way out if they are important enough. Hence when is meditation one's mind is devoid of any interference by irrelevant thoughts especially those of the past experiences. There is popular Zen story of two monks on the way back to the temple where along the way they came upon a river that was rising. There they noticed a young lady sitting in distress and when asked what the problem was she told them that when she crossed the river earlier it was down and she had no problem crossing it. However now she cannot return for the water has risen and so one of the monks without hesitation carried her on his back across the river. When they crossed the river and left the young lady, the other monk was perturbed at what had happened and accosted his companion over the incident saying that as monks they were not supposed to come into contact with the opposite sex much less carry one. The monk who carried the young lady replied, I Have left the young lady behind quite some time ago, why are you still carrying her in your mind?"
#Zen Practice,#Zen Buddhism,#Zendo

Practice ,Bare Attention - to keep the mind less cluttered.

Attachment to phenomena is one of the mental habits that I feel is often left unchecked by those who seek to understand the workings of the human mind. This includes, images, thoughts and ideas, past experiences etc. The mind to me is like a sponge that attach itself and absorb all that it comes into contact with every second of the the day whether we are aware of it or not. The mind is like an invisible wide angle lens panoramic camera, equipped with extra sensory audio attachment that is ever left on to snap at every sense of experience, sight and smell, thoughts and ideas; it is the eternal recorder of life. There is a simple practice in a school of Buddhism, the Hinayana school that teaches us to deal with this mental weakness that we have and it is simply called, 'Bare Attention'. It is a form of meditation that helps us to not get  drawn into or attached to any external or inner given stimuli, imagery, episodes or experiences that occurs in our daily existence. It is a sort of a strainer or blinders to ward off unwanted or irrelevant objects or phenomena etc. This is what is known also as in the words of Trungpa Rinpoche, 'Meditation in Action', whereby you become almost impervious to the external stimuli around you except for what is really needed to be dealt with in the moment.

When you see a lady walking by you, it is just a lady passing by do not see a nice piece of ass or a nice pair of tits,  sexy or ugly short or tall, to put it blatantly, you simply sense a lady passing by or a car driving by and not an Audi or a BMW, white or black, driven by so and so and why you cannot own one and so forth. Bare attention is the act of bringing it all into the bare minimum perspective and when there is no added interest to what you sense or experience, the phenomena simply drops off having no hold on your consciousness. Watching the Videos of what is happening around the world with CIVID-19 you learn to simply watch and understand without adding on to what you see with your thoughts and opinion, judgment and like or dislike. Same as, as you watch what is happening in the US on videos, you simply watch, feelings may arise but you do not need to add on more than what you see, you simply watch just to be more aware of what is happening for better or worse even, you are simply an observer, a witness being a part of the whole it is in your nature to know. Witnessing with bare attention keeps you from being attached to the events and become involved much more than you need to be and thus more thinking added to clutter your mind.

Bare attention does not imply that you become blind to what is going on around you, it simply means you are less attached to what you see, feel or  even taste; the details This practice helps toward keeping the mind less distracted and easier to bring to a complete silence when performing a sitting meditation. Even while sitting and trying to bring the mind into silence, bare attention towards what arises in the mind and the ability let go becomes much easier. Often times we keep an ongoing thought when the thought is pleasant or productive even and tries our best to shove aside a negative thought; practicing bare attention allows for am ambivalent attitude towards all thoughts that arises while meditating. In essence we try not to walk around attracting to ourselves thoughts and images, events and episodes that have no positive values for us. It is like trimming all the unnecessary branches, so the tree can grow more lighter and taller.

"An entire sea of water can't sink a ship unless it gets in the ship.
Similarly the negativity of the world can't put you down unless you allow it to get inside you." - Thich Naht Hahn.
#Thich Nhat Hahn,#Bare Attention,# Trungpa Rinpoche,# Meditation in Action.

What can I say- just know your mind.

It is said that to accumulate knowledge through reading or listen to or ponder upon, others' thoughts is like counting another man's sheep. Albeit in assisting and prodding me on through their words, thoughts and deed, throughout my life so, I must admit that I have many to be thankful for, grateful for, my having arrived at this stage in my life where through reading, studying, listening to these great and enlightened minds; I am closer to home. 

While sitting on my bed this morning the thoughts of, the 'Dual Thinking Mind', came into my consciousness and so a whole lot discussions ensued, pros and cons, right and wrong this or that...I am attached to a dual thinking mind sometimes called the; monkey mind. We are endowed with this mind like it or not and from the day we realized that there is such thing as pain and pleasure we are subjected to the laws of cause and effect. None escapes from this fact and not too many are able to become totally free from its consequences. What is the 'dual thinking mind?' Black and White, Light and Darkness, Good and Evil...the list goes on for so long as there is a breath flowing in and out. The Chinese Cosmic Symbol of the principles Yin and Yang depicts this state of the human mind most adequately, To make an effort to understand such a symbol will open up your doors of consciousness and the way you perceive life. Inherently within us we carry the genetic strain of the sense of opposites without which our mental and bodily functions cannot survive. From the sub Atomic Particle state of our physical body to the who we see we are in the mirror,we are subjected to the laws of the dual thinking mind.

I suffer from too much thinking! And i know many who is the same way as I am, simply too much unnecessary if not useless and ambiguous thoughts and most of us have accepted and become comfortable with this state we are in; I think, therefore I am.,,I forgot therefore it was not me? (A joke, I posted on face book). I was having a conversation yesterday with a young man who had walked into the 'fisherman's pondok' with a book by Napoleon Hill in his hand. Most unlikely place to find such a book being read. So I borrowed and read from pages in the book especially related to auto suggestion, which has been one of my practices over the years. For me it was like a mini miracle for it to happen as I was not in a good state of mind -too much thoughts to deal with primarily. I had not brought along any reading material or for sketching and so the book sort of appeared  as a reminder to who or where I was at; a wake up call. I shared my feelings and what the book had meant to me, and introduced to him a book called the "Master Key' written by Frank Haarnel as another read. When I left him he was listening to J. Krishnamurti on his hand phone I introduced him to. I told him to understand what thoughts and thinking is all about and Krishnamurti's lectures can help shed some light on it. 
#Dual Thinking Mind,# Chinese Cosmic Symbol,# Yin and Yang,# The Master Key

"Would you like to save the world from the degradation and destruction it seems destined for? Then step away from shallow mass movements and quietly go to work on your own self-awareness. If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken all of yourself. If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself. Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation."

~Lao Tzu

Nw that I know, how do I continue?

I found myself on the first of June and so now I can say...I know who I am. Who am I?...an old worn out question that has been put to rest...it is the Amazing Grace like the Lady sings, "I once was lost and now I am Found.."So what do I do with this realization? Carry water ...cut wood and life goes on nothing has changed but change itself. Now to continue walking consciously with meditative awareness as the next episode unfolds, to be fully in the Now and experience life a breath at a time; wishful thinking no doubt but that is what it takes for me to be who I am in the truest sense of the word truth. Even as I write I feel the fallacy of my effort it has
 become a meaningless need to share with God knows who  and why. However a vow was made initially and has to be kept regardless of who or what is aware of such covenant made between a student and a Teacher during a strenuous Practice Period at the Zen Buddhist Monastery at green Gulch Farm in Sausalito, Marin County, California. Yes the Bodhisattva vows which is taken at every full moon ceremony for two years of my life as a Zen student. If I take way anything worth mentioning as a Zen student it is this Vows that i hold till this day obliged to carry out to the best of my ability. 

The First Vow being: "Beings are numberless, I vow to awaken with them."
The Second: " Delusions are inexhaustible, I vow to end them."
The Third being: " The Dharma Gates are boundless, I vow to enter them."
The Fourth Vow: " The Buddha's Way is unsurpassed I vow become  it."

Yes to most, meaningless jargon of an ancient dogma that was laid down by the Patriarchs and Ancestors to give a sense of meaning and purpose to life for those who are awakened. Yes Life has no meaning really, until you give it one and in this case it is in the form of a servitude towards humanity while in the effort to healing,  cleansing and purifying you own self. The journey of  your lifetime I believe is not just your own but a journey shared by many and for eons throughout the history of man; man is an interdependent being whose existence is interrelated to the rest of his environment albeit spiritual or material. When you achieve enlightenment in a cave, in the mountains, the whole cave and mountains become enlightened with you. The Trees, the insects, the birds, the rivers and the streams etc., becomes enlightened; All is enlightened and when all is enlightened, nothing is any different. Hence before enlightenment you carry water and cut wood, after enlightenment you cut wood and carry water. 

Had I been living in a cave in the mountain, I might have been able to not share my self realizations with any other human being except those who I met occasionally along the path and if the situation present itself. I would not have to keep an ongoing journal or write a Blog, I would not have to paint pictures or even share my thoughts through words, if I had been living a hermits life. I lived and grew up among all walks of life, in big cities and small villages, in schools and campuses and among meat cutters and produce buyers, fishermen and farmers, I have lived among the masses of humanity and although my journey is my own and personal, I am walking this path alongside man and his history fulfilling my own destiny like every single one of the rest of humanity; as such I owe to Mankind to share my journey in whatever form I deem necessary and viable. For whatever it is worth it is with th hope that my journey can  be of help to those on a similar course of self discovery. This is my way of spiritual awakening that can be emulated by the few that follow my progress as I walk this path. In some small way this is one of my ways of fulfilling the first of my Bodhisattva Vows, that Beings are numberless, I vow to awaken with them.

What do I think of What is happening in the United States?

And what do I this think of the situation in the US with the George Floyd unfortunate incident? Not much really except I feel for the average American living day to day their lives whatever their colors may be. I have lived for 21 years of my life there and there are more than a few I would consider my brothers and sisters of an extended family, I feel for them and pray that this too will blow over soon. America is a huge country stretching from Alaska in the north to Florida in the south, New York in the East and San Francisco in the west and took three days to cross from one city to the other on the bus. America is no doubt a vast and beautiful country with lots of good hearted people as well as the racists and pedophiles, just like anywhere else in the world today. But as whole the nation will run through the gauntlet of surviving the economic fallout alone not to mention all the rest. 

I think America is like one epic Hollywood movie in the making, a self fulfilling historical prophecy of self destruction and hopefully regeneration in the making, like, lets hope for a happy and fruitful ending for all and not just the Directors and Producers. America is John Wayne riding off into the sunset after having cleaned up a town with his fists and carbine rifle. America will survive this wave of chaos and destruction but it will remain the same and not change simply because the American Dream was build upon blood, guts and tears of the Native Americans and cannot be washed away in one or two generation nor is the African American Matters issue will ever be resolved, at least not in my lifetime. America will implode, the country will go through one upheaval after another, but like Wounded Knee Incident, America will rise from the smoldering ashes and heal, rebuild itself to greater heights and with greater sensitivity towards what is being a human. What is Love and respect, what is not being judgmental or condescending towards another human being. Simple and straight forward acts of kindness and charitable heart. Where or when did we lost all these virtues? 

I try not to think most of the time, but it gets in time to stop thinking totally and allow the mind to sort of disperse like dewdrops evaporating in the the morning sun; the mind has a mind of its own and that mind too has a mind of its own and so on. So if I am to think, well I think Americans have to do much more than self- discovering or soul searching as to how to heal the wounds of history that the non whites have suffered and make amends far greater than just saying we shall overcome! Americans as a whole will have to step up and into the crucible of fire and brimstone and be sanctified by the Trust in God; In God We Trust, is not just a rhetoric the Forefathers had coined for our faith alone but it was a fare warning to those who were yet to come and rule the Nation as Presidents and Congressmen. The White House for one should not be called the White House but something else not a offensive by it inference alone...The White House! as opposed The Black House? The Color has been dealt even at the very beginning, but such is, we either see it or we choose to blind. 

Racism is a factor that is tearing at the very fabric of most countries that has a multiracial, multi religion and multi-whatever else where relationships  for with each group becomes a critical issue for its survival. It does not take a rocket scientist to figure this out, but most of humanity is definitely blind to it, most living in denial that Racism is a sickness that needs to be healed, it needs to be uprooted from its very core, impossible as it may sound. When Racism is fueled by Greed, Hate and Delusion, we have a situation, a breach in our consciousness that will not go away until resolved at the very depth of our personal being, simply to understand that We Are One! We are interdependent and no one tribe hold the monopoly of running this Planet we call our Home. If we drown we will drown together and if we rise we will rise as One and there's no two ways about it. Spell in any language, call it by any name, God is One, to Trust in God simply means to become the One Collective Spirit, The Nation Indivisible... What I think of America today?      

Still one of the greatest nation on Earth because she has given us Carlos Santana and Eric Clapton, Jim Beam and Humbolt Gold, America is Home of the Brave where the Buffaloes roam, that had almost wiped out the Braves and the Buffaloes from the face of the Earth not long ago. This is America,  what so proudly we hail, Love it or Leave it.  She will never ever be occupied by another Nation but she will implode under the weight of her own making unless a viable valve can be found to release the pressure mounting from within and without. Give the people what they need, the bare necessities to live with pride and dignity and it is not impossible if the wealth of the Nation is not buried in the vaults of the few and the gap between rich and poor keeps getting separated further. Perhaps with intention, perhaps, perhaps...in the meantime, the Riots and the Protests, the Looting and Plundering, the Abuse and destructive forces will prevail. America will suffer but she will rebound...after all She gave us the like of Michael Jordan and Michael Jackson.    

What is Going on in the US, You ask.

What is going on in the United States in the past week or so is the result of what, Greed, Hate and Ignorance can be of consequence if not fully understood and put to practice by as much or humanity as possible even to the basic understanding of the waste management in your life. Like, you can either burp and taste it. or fart and waste it; the choice is always yours to make. Taking excessive taxes from the people to pay for your self serving interests is Greed and causes suffering among your subjects and leading to misery throughout the human realm. Apathy towards the needs of those in need around you while you parade your wealth, hard earned or otherwise is Greed in another of its form. Not willing to share with others who deserve sharing with is greed too, just as hoarding and excessive profiteering is serious Greed, Assuming only your kind deserves the  right to existence is Greed too...and so on.

Greed is what causes the Major Pharmaceuticals to exploit the masses through what they produce both good and bad, according to their own self interests and the bottom line. It is Greed that is motivating most to loot and plunder while it is the time of strife for the rest of the people making their genuine voice be heard albeit in anguish and anger for justice to be manifested. It was and perhaps still Greed that has kept the Blackman in perpetual slavery of the body, mind and spirit for  more than four generations. The US is now under siege by the  karmic consequences of Greed and it had blown out into the manifestation of Hate. When Hate is manifested that is when shit hits the fan or fence and this is when greed ends up as a waste, for all that had been accumulated now is lost in one way or another. The loss of life and property, the dismantling of the fabric of the economy, putting the nation is a state of anarchy,; just as it is happening in the United States  at this moment.

As to the why and how this is happening, it is both the fault of Information technology and the average dumb ass that walks on two legs, we call man. Being stupid is one thing but being stupid refusing to acknowledge it another and not taking the initiative and desire to know is yet another. Man has become lazy when it comes to understanding of the mind, if not himself. We pursue the impermanent and ephemeral, the fleeting and the illusion more so than in trying to get in touch with the inner being, the by understanding himself as to why he is greedy and angry by inherent nature. Why the wants often exceeds the need to great extremes often becoming an obsession; what is is never enough. We cling passionately to what we already have and desire for more like an insatiable virus eating away at its host; we have become just 'grist  for the mill," Not accepting that enough as definitely enough, is Greed     and wanting more leads to Hate in all its manifestations and all can be cured by simply learning the simple truths about one's own inherent nature, its strength and weaknesses. To not be able to appreciate and thankful for what we already have we loose the check and balance for a healthy life, for us and and for our society, our collective whole, we live in dire need and chaos, this is suffering. 

Karma sucks! The Trump's administration's idea to pull out of the WHO and thus depriving the world health institution of its financial support by the American people to the world population may save Trump some cash to prop up a sagging economy, but what is happening now will cost the administration far great; karma sucks and instant karma suck even worse. Will the people wake up yet? Perhaps not, perhaps too little too late to do so as this our illnesses has taken deep roots within our psyche and we worship the currency far more devotedly that we have just about sold our soul to the devil and what is even more unforgivable is that we are responsible for the sale of our children and their children, children in generations to come; man is becoming like "Mules", carrying a burden of water here and there on its back and dying of thirst. What is happening in the United States can Happen anywhere in the world...be nice, be kind and compassionate, be sympathetic, be charitable and most of all learn to Love with no conditions... this is the simple truths that can heal the mind from the three illnesses - Greed, Hate and Ignorance (delusions). 

"What is Poison?" Rumi was asked.
"Anything which is more than our necessity, is poison," He answered, " It may be Power, Wealth, Hunger, Ego, Greed, Laziness,Love, Ambition, Hate...anything."

Nisargadatta Maharaj -revisited.

Upon meditating to the video, Nisargadatta Ultimatum Pointers on You Tube last night, I felt the touch of conclusion to my never ending serrch for the truth as to who am I. It seems like the ultimatum set by this Great Teacher is like the culmination of all that i have been asking and acknowledging of myself has been laid to bare with challenges that are tall orders to accept but the truth none the less. His words as in most of his teachings stripped me of all the fallacious thoughts and ideas i have held over the years leaving me with the simple truth of  the essence of who I truly am. Scary to a point but nonetheless a challenge for me to accept and move on from this conundrum I have been grappling with my entire life. It is like reaching the summit of the Mystique Mountain to discover the glory that is like that of the setting sun.

It is not that this is the first time i encounter the teachings or even this very video before, however listening it at three in the morning my mind that was moments before in turmoil came to a stop and listened i did with my heart and soul. After listening for a while I came to the realization of my absolute ignorance and the fallacy of my journey, often lost in contemplation over thoughts and ideas that I have been accumulating from all manner of teachings and pondering over the thoughts of great minds of the ages. It is not that they are in error, but that I was not listening with my heart. Prior to listening to the Nisargadatta Ultimatum I was listening to the dialogue between Eckhart Tolle and Ram Dass talking about the same similar subject of Love and so forth but was not impressed and stopped half way through as both men seemed too tedious to listen to. Ram Dass having suffered from a stroke was incoherent while Tolle was as he always has been for me, too monotonous and the topic they raised were what I have heard repetitiously over the years. I almost totally gave up and decided to give in to my more base instinct of watching a Chinese sex related video out of frustration and call it a night. Then on the same link I noticed the Nisargadatta video and took my chances against my baser instinct.

I had decided not to write of this awakening experience as I felt that it is too precious and personal in nature to share on an open Blog like this, however I had made a promise to myself long ago that I will share all, good or bad and if in making this post I loose some of the essence of my realization and awakening of the early morning hours, so be it. After all nothing really has changed, as I still have to put up with my female feline soulmate meowing out loud while she is going through her cycles of needing a male cat while I was trying to concentrate on to the video, I took it as a challenge instead. Later this morning when she came into my room and was loud and irritating waking me from my sleep, I was angry at her and threw my underwear at her. Yes, nothing changes really except this time i felt her agony, like her loud meowing which sounded horrifying at times was a cry of pain and anguish and I felt a wave of shame came over me. I got up and picked her up and carried her around like a baby in my arms where she laid quiet. Under normal circumstances she would never let me pick her up much less held her in my arms for a long time, this only my daughter can do as my son too is not brave enough to pick her up when she is well. In her I felt suffering.

" Prior to any recognition, you already are. The ultimate you can never be lost, You are the absolute, you swallow the entire Universe. This body is continuously changing, it was not there, it appeared and will disappear, it is not you, you were not born at all, only the announcement of your existent is there, you existed even prior to your birth, your existence is eternal..."
                                                                      Nisargadatta Maharaj.