Just acceptance.

 My first Zen-Yoga Instructor was Denis Junpo Kelly who presently is the Abbot of the Rinzai Zen School and his school is also known as The Hollow Bone Zen school. I may have been one of his first student, one he would soon remove from his consciousness than admit it to, in himself.  My most memorable New Year Eve was sometime in December of 1983, it was the night at midnight precisely when I thought I was facing death from a heart attack. I was living at a house on the side of the hill overlooking Corte Madera, Marin County California. I had just arrived from Green Bay, a few days earlier and was to meet him and help him open his Zendo, The Kanzeon Zen/Yoga Center, located in a school building that Denis had leased for his purpose. We worked together with the help his brother Patrick Kelly and got the classrooms turned into a 'Yuppy' meditation and yoga hall. 
While doing one of the floor exercises Denis had accidentally wrenched my arm across my chest and caused me a searing pain which did not last long but later in the night i woke up from my sleep with what the doctor told me as Pleurisy, or fluid build up in the body and the X-Ray taken of my chest was simply half white an half  dark, the white was fluid that had caused me impossible almost to breath, I thought it was a heart attack or a stroke. In short on the midnight of  Dec 1983 and precisely at midnight I died for a few moment as I said to my Lord, Ya'Allah is this be death, I fully accept it. My head dropped to the floor like a rock on my left side and i passed out. I woke up after a while listening to a sound about a foot or two from my face and it was getting louder as it got closer and i felt like a little worm climbing into my nostril and i realized that O was breathing and decided immediately to breath in and as soon as i did this the searing burning pain grabbed my whole chest again. it wa then I heard a voice in my mind saying, allow your breath to happen and don't panic or try to help. 
January of 1984 saw me going through the most painful and challenging times of my life. On the inauguration day of the Kanzeon Zen Yoga Center, the Abbot of the Rinzai Zen school in new York, Eido Shimano Roshi was the honored guest and I made my dumb move as a Zen student by striking Shimano Roshi's head to split it in two with the 'junko' stick that was laying close by to the altar. I knew I was not going to follow through with my strike but he had his two hands crossed in front of his face when the stick came down. I stopped short of touching his skin and stepped back, bowed with the stick raised above my head and placed it back on its rack by the altar. It was  my farewell gift to the Center and the end of my relationship with my teacher. If anything I hope it had woke up both the Rinzai Zen Masters or at least give them food for thought.
"What is the Imperturbable mind?" .This was my Koan given to me by Denis and it has been with me ever since. locked in my mind and boiling in my belly. My only answer to this is in the form of a Zen saying, Before awakening, cut wood and carry water, after awakening carry water and cut wood, or something like that. The imperturbable mind is the Muizin calling for the evening prayer from the minaret of the State Mosque, Thank you for the Koan, JUnpo Sama, thank you for being there when it was my turn to turn the Dharma wheel of cause and effect, thank you for being a kind and gentle friend. I may not have found the true answer to this koan but it has kept me alive. Forgive me for my transgressions that may have caused you an embarrassment with your teacher and all those who were present. What is Rinzai Zen after all?
I spent my most entertaining New Year celebration in 2011 when I visited my son in Dubai. With his friend Jason and two airline stewardesses from Romania we watched the fire works from the 34th.floor of the Millennium Tower overlooking the Burj Khalifah complex. The dinner and wine was out of this world and the companionship was full of Loving Kindness. The fireworks over the Burj Khalifah was  mesmerizing. I was very happy then thanks to my son and his friend Jason. Not every event in life has to be a bummer, sometimes life throws you a moment in time when all your suffering till then seem worthwhile. So be present in the moment and enjoy pain and pleasure like there is no difference, become at one and be in peace with all phenomena as they arise, no clinging and no detachment; just Acceptance.