Looking in Looking out.

Someone wrote that there are times when one has to be a little selfish and say no, enough is enough, i will take no more nonsense from you or anyone else, and this feeling at the right time and circumstances, is okay too. When the heart feels like it is time to move on and venture into new frontiers albeit physically, mentally or spiritually, one has to weigh anchor and set sail into uncharted waters. Where that lies is a question only the heart can tell and the mind to figure out while the body is set in motion accordingly. No plans, no expectations and no goals to be dreamed of. Life is to short as is often said and to entertain mental formations and delusions triggered by external phenomena especially other people with their own neurosis is best discarded as extra baggage not conducive for en-lighten-ment. Letting go is crucial according to most teachings as it is like tightening your belt to meet dire need for one's own sanity.
it is okay to bury one's head in the sand every now and then and avoid contact with the outside world and its reality, it is like taking a nap after a futile day of trying too hard to do what is right and yet getting nowhere. This is the time for a 'power nap' that revitalizes and energizes one's own capacity to get a better grip of what is 'reality' that works for me. What is reality? It is something not even the great minds of old could unravel in words but feels it deep within and thus deep  within one looks for the answer. For this to happen, it is back to the practice of slowing down and eventually quieting the mind; back to meditation, back to looking out while looking in. I bury my head in the sounds of Hans Zimmer's epic themes and the taking care of Furby the kitten i brought home for my daughter, i bury my head into the mundane day to day chores of doing the laundry and cooking the meals, cleaning the house and, well, writing what my nind has to share for the Blog.
Like a snail recoiling into its shell, i bury my head into pure observation of where i am at and how far or how near i am from finding my true nature, that practice which I had vowed to carry out till I exit this life. It is a tedious and often seemingly boring undertaking, however as i approach being in the seventies of my age, I find it more necessary to do so in order to narrow down all my perspective about life. The past can only evoke more thoughts, while the future remains a mystery, experiences, dreams and expectations are just grist for the mill with its ever spinning wheels. The wheels will come to a dead stop at anytime now and before it all comes to a final halt i hope to find that which has always been elusive; my true nature- who am I?    
I have faith that The Lord's Grace is within me and i need not look any further, however I still have to maintain my practice and keep the fire of this faith continuously burning even when darkness seems to creep up on me. All my trials and tribulations, my ups and downs, they are what keeps me from taking for granted that i am still on the train towards liberation.