If you would rather watch a David carradine movie, I understand.

ITawakkul in Allah Azza wa Jalla! Have faith in the Lord of the Universe. Every Friday the Imam would beseech, and demand that man has faith in the Divine. Surrender and submit to the Divine his will for his Lord's, shall be done, here. on this earth and the hereafter. This act of submission one's personal will to that of a Divine Will is the first act of a Muslim; it nullifies your personal egotistical, preconditioned and corrupted mind lay claim towards becoming above the Law. No deed good or otherwise goes unnoticed as two angels stands both on your left and and on your right keeping your record complete and straight; they do not in anyway interfere or involve in your thoughts and actions, they merely record it all down as it happens, just as they are beside me watching my making this entry. How inconvenient and so much for freedom of expression and the sanctity of privacy. But don't worry the Lord knows this and he makes you forget about your two record keepers overlooking your shoulders. 99.99% of the time you are not in the least aware that you are being constantly monitored for your eve3ry positive and negative actions in this life; 
I must feel very ashame of me two companions who have been with me thus far, I admit I beyond incorrigible and often times my negative actions bordered on insanity and I ask for their forgiveness in the Name of the Merciful and Compassionate All Forgiving Lord of Creation. Let this entry testify my expression in sincerity and with Ikhlas.
To each and every soul male and female, young and old, whose life I had smeared with sinfully or touched in any other way, I bow before you and in the name of my Lord and in the name of His Prophet, I ask your mercy and Forgiveness and let this entry testify and bear witness to this taubah or repentance. n the Buddhist sense, I have some deep rooted karma that needs to be played out or reconciled with before i can be free.
Hence with my palms together and my head bowed i ask to be free from the clinging on to my past negative actions and will do my utmost to remedy my ways with positive and rewarding actions for the benefit of Sentient Being, past present and future. I took the Bodhisattva Vow, a vow to carry out some form of service towards humanity and the universe. It sounds grandiose and bombastic, but it is as close to the truth of my feelings as i can get when writing. Astargfirulah Al GafuruRahim. I have cleaned up my closet and stahed in a safe place all my skeletons, worms and maggots for fermentation and turn into a compost heap, I have acknowledged all that has happened and accepted as my own doing and I carry the baggage I have accumulated before my Lord comes the Day Of Reckoning, but in the meantime I am who I am, the Cheeseburger Buddha, The Night soil carrier and a wannabe artist, will live on waking up from my  ,sleep to face reality. In this i have my faith in the Lord, as of now I answer to Him and Him alone when my time comes, This happens when you age in life, the reflection into the past especially traumatic,or mind blowing events, the worse and the best that could have happened, happened. Knowing there is no way I can turn back time and undo my actions, I still feel I owe it to myself to come clean without the details to clean my slate and recycle my waste. I wish that some great virtues can be grown from my past experiences and these insights be shared for the benefit of others.  
My experiment with life has just risen to the next level where I stop searching and starting being that I am who I am. Being here in this moment entertaining my thoughts I am being in touch with my consciousness, my own plane of existence, in my own inner sanctum having conversations with my self over life and existence as i am beginning to see  and come to understand it as it is. is it? Is this moment in time real or is it too another pigment of my imagination along with all the rest of it.my moments in time? How to step out of this circle? Stop the mind from attachment to thinking about it. Stop adding on to . stop exaggerating and remain detach from all your experiences, let go! Be in the here and Now as much as you can in the course of a day, an hour, a minute,,,a moment in time. That is why i often tell my mind to be quiet for five minutes  Try it, perhaps you will have better luck than me.