Just acceptance.

 My first Zen-Yoga Instructor was Denis Junpo Kelly who presently is the Abbot of the Rinzai Zen School and his school is also known as The Hollow Bone Zen school. I may have been one of his first student, one he would soon remove from his consciousness than admit it to, in himself.  My most memorable New Year Eve was sometime in December of 1983, it was the night at midnight precisely when I thought I was facing death from a heart attack. I was living at a house on the side of the hill overlooking Corte Madera, Marin County California. I had just arrived from Green Bay, a few days earlier and was to meet him and help him open his Zendo, The Kanzeon Zen/Yoga Center, located in a school building that Denis had leased for his purpose. We worked together with the help his brother Patrick Kelly and got the classrooms turned into a 'Yuppy' meditation and yoga hall. 
While doing one of the floor exercises Denis had accidentally wrenched my arm across my chest and caused me a searing pain which did not last long but later in the night i woke up from my sleep with what the doctor told me as Pleurisy, or fluid build up in the body and the X-Ray taken of my chest was simply half white an half  dark, the white was fluid that had caused me impossible almost to breath, I thought it was a heart attack or a stroke. In short on the midnight of  Dec 1983 and precisely at midnight I died for a few moment as I said to my Lord, Ya'Allah is this be death, I fully accept it. My head dropped to the floor like a rock on my left side and i passed out. I woke up after a while listening to a sound about a foot or two from my face and it was getting louder as it got closer and i felt like a little worm climbing into my nostril and i realized that O was breathing and decided immediately to breath in and as soon as i did this the searing burning pain grabbed my whole chest again. it wa then I heard a voice in my mind saying, allow your breath to happen and don't panic or try to help. 
January of 1984 saw me going through the most painful and challenging times of my life. On the inauguration day of the Kanzeon Zen Yoga Center, the Abbot of the Rinzai Zen school in new York, Eido Shimano Roshi was the honored guest and I made my dumb move as a Zen student by striking Shimano Roshi's head to split it in two with the 'junko' stick that was laying close by to the altar. I knew I was not going to follow through with my strike but he had his two hands crossed in front of his face when the stick came down. I stopped short of touching his skin and stepped back, bowed with the stick raised above my head and placed it back on its rack by the altar. It was  my farewell gift to the Center and the end of my relationship with my teacher. If anything I hope it had woke up both the Rinzai Zen Masters or at least give them food for thought.
"What is the Imperturbable mind?" .This was my Koan given to me by Denis and it has been with me ever since. locked in my mind and boiling in my belly. My only answer to this is in the form of a Zen saying, Before awakening, cut wood and carry water, after awakening carry water and cut wood, or something like that. The imperturbable mind is the Muizin calling for the evening prayer from the minaret of the State Mosque, Thank you for the Koan, JUnpo Sama, thank you for being there when it was my turn to turn the Dharma wheel of cause and effect, thank you for being a kind and gentle friend. I may not have found the true answer to this koan but it has kept me alive. Forgive me for my transgressions that may have caused you an embarrassment with your teacher and all those who were present. What is Rinzai Zen after all?
I spent my most entertaining New Year celebration in 2011 when I visited my son in Dubai. With his friend Jason and two airline stewardesses from Romania we watched the fire works from the 34th.floor of the Millennium Tower overlooking the Burj Khalifah complex. The dinner and wine was out of this world and the companionship was full of Loving Kindness. The fireworks over the Burj Khalifah was  mesmerizing. I was very happy then thanks to my son and his friend Jason. Not every event in life has to be a bummer, sometimes life throws you a moment in time when all your suffering till then seem worthwhile. So be present in the moment and enjoy pain and pleasure like there is no difference, become at one and be in peace with all phenomena as they arise, no clinging and no detachment; just Acceptance.    

Hiding behind God.

Acceptance, I have decided to work as my future practice, this would be my New years' resolution I; this would be my  a burning ball of fire Koan to carry with me in my belly as the Zen School of Buddhism describe this practice. Acceptance of life as it is and myself and my role in this life is as Such or as the Buddha expresses it, Such Is. I am  this! This is who I am sitting at present moment in form listening to , The Song of the Butterfly on You Tube and making this entry and it is 12;15 am, it is going to be a long night Insha'Allah, God willing. As the strumming of the sitar aggressively played against the guitar of Estas Tonne in Hungary my eardrums is getting a beating, it was worth it, I always get off on the string instruments and the melodic voice of the singer howling like tired wolf but in a soothing and uplifting energy; i am awakened. Yes sometimes it  and takes a little of this and a little of that to wake you up. As I get older I take whatever I can so as I don't fall too deeply asleep and find it too hard to keep up with my life, much less with my practice. What is my practice? The Perfection of Wisdom that is Beyond Wisdom, The awakening of my Divine Nature, that which is my Birthright. My practice is the purification of my soul from all karmic stains no matter how big or how minute, to wipe clean my slate and become reborn anew as a child of the universe pure and innocent. My practice the Acceptance of my weaknesses and my strength as food and fodder for the road towards liberation from my fears and ignorance. I know often times i am fooling myself, if I fool myself long enough and keep reminding myself time and again my ultimate goal, I might even believe it myself. These are tall orders for one who has been deep in karmic shit for most his adult life. My daughter if she reads this would no doubt remark, "Dad and his dramas!" Well let's listen to Anushka Shankar live in Berlin now and see how it feels; the Sitar is one of my favorite instrument. My lower back is not in alignment and is causing some discomfort, yet another vexation I need to accept and work with at the same time. The Sitar when played in the Indian classical manner can be most soothing and evokes for me the old Hindi black and white movies that I used to watch with my mother; our day at the theater which took place at least once or twice a month in the fifties. The two theaters that showed Hindi Movies, the Paramount and Royal theaters had long ago seized to exist. These were the only quality times I had with my mother growing as we lived apart from one another. I was adopted and raised away from my immediate family. So Indian classical music reminds me of my mother and father who would meet us at the theater.
I had just finished reading P.D.James's Murder in the Holy Orders and have started reading Drawing in the Dust by Zoe Klien, what else to do? Its my habit, has been with me all through the years ever since I could read. I am a voracious reader and enjoy it. How much about life you are exposed to when you read a good novel, more grist for the mill, Filling up empty moments of space and time, what else better to do while you are waiting at the dentist or having a quiet dinner at a roadside food stall. I am blessed with my fellow book worms all over the world; our lives no doubt is made much richer in its scope and imagination. I never seize to be amazed at how the novelists can conjure up stories that keeps my mind riveted from the first to the last page. Perhaps it is paradox that one who aspires to empty the mind is incessantly feeding it with more food for thoughts. Well the way I accept this paradox is by justifying to myself that my mind is vast in its possibilities and if it needs to be occupied why not through good reading enjoy and ing the creative genius of others whose works can hold my mind in attention throughout the duration of the story. 
The same is true of feelings and perceptions, there are practices that I have been making an attempt is how i feel and how i see things as I move about daily. My actions and interactions with others man and animals alike, rivers and trees, birds and bees; I become more aware of my relatedness to all that is around me "The Lord Is my Sheppard...and His Will shall be done." I am but a vessel in His servitude and this I fully accept. My past stubbornness, arrogance and lack of moral conscience and much more, I surrender them to His Mercy and Compassion, I ask for His Forgiveness and he is my Lord ArGafuru Rahim., The Forgiver, This is between me and my faith in the All MIghty and call Him by what name you may, but forget Him not; He is within and without you, I ask you, what would you have to loose in having a strong faith in your practice. Haphazard and a roller coaster ride most of the time. I maintain my faith in the fact that my "Way" will deliver me to the other shore and take on whatever is there waiting for me; I look forward to meeting my Lord as only He makes sense in my life. I take my refuge from my, ego, my pride. my ignorance, I take my refuge from His Tests and His Wrath and I surrender myself before Him  with every breath take even when I seem to forget. I take refuge form the whispers of Jins and Shaitan, from wrathful deities and demons, and I take refuge in His infinite Mercy and Compassion and my Lord is a Loving God.



    

A Christmas Message from the Buddha.

A very Merry Christmas to all and Peace be with you. To my children, the Captain. the Swiss Genius and the two I have here with me, all the very best in the year ahead. May you all enjoy the Grace and Blessings you well deserve and may you continue to be strong and creative in facing life and what it has to offer. 
I told my daughter at the beginning of the year 2017 that it would be our year to grow and excel in our own ways, it has to some extent happened for us. We have enjoyed an almost peaceful and blessed times doing what we each enjoy doing. The Planet is still holding its own even if there is some discord here and there, lets hope and pray that 2018 will be a better year yet. Love and Peace will prevail as more and more are gradually awakening and  accepting our birthrights as wards of this beautiful planet we call home. let us all open our hearts to the truth of Light and Being and work towards healing the ills that we have brought upon ourselves and let us leave behind us a home worthy for those we leave behind us to continue to enjoy. Let us wipe away the tears of loss and deprivtions and sow the seeds of Loving Kindness with greater tenacity that would wipe out the fears and suspicions that has plagued us in the past. Let us look into the future with more Compassion towards ourselves and others and come to an understanding of who we truly are and what our prime objective is for being chosen to be born in this time and dimension. We are no less than beings of the light or enlightened beings know and accept this as our birthright, that which is inherently divine in us. As such, shine! 'Shine out all you crazy diamonds' and enlighten the world, free yourselves and become beacons for those who are lost in darkness.
There is nothing that you can take with you when it is all over or when your day is done not your riches nor your fame, but your your individual consciousness alone will move along to the next phase wherever or whatever it will be.Be ever grateful for all that you are given and all that you have achieved and be charitable in word thoughts and deeds as you move along this path towards you own self liberation. Take no nonsense and give non but if you do either way be extremely good at it. Do nothing if there is nothing worth to do but do your best when and if you are required to do so; know and feel inside tht you are the best ever to come into being. reach out with all sincerity and humbleness in touching others and hope for nothing in return,  only the blessings of your own Christ Spirit your own Buddha Nature, your own Atma Brahman, your own    Ruhul Kudbutus be cleansed. Only in letting go of your physical and material state can you receive your divine.
Empty yourself of mental formations and external vexations and let the divine light fill you up with the divine light. In silence can you hear the sound of the Universe and in silence your heart becomes filled with the sound of OMMM! In the silence of your heart you can hear the whisper of the Divine that which is and has been within you but drowned by the noise of the mental activities. Let form and emptiness become one within you even for a split of a second and let the lightning of awakening split asunder your slothful and stuporous mind, wake up! Stay awake!
 Have a Very merry Christmas !   

I am of the family of The Light.

When I think or express the word 'Liberation' I am not imagining such grandiose idea of lights blasting off all around me and absolute illumination happening within me. would be nice. I am merely hoping that i would somehow see the light of freedom from my own blindness and ignorance, my failure to have a good understanding of the reality of life around me and my weaknesses that have plagued me throughout my life such as my sexual lusts and my inability to subjugate my egotistical tendencies. As can be seen even at my age i am still struggling to overcome these petty tyrants that have ruled my life's every effort towards finding the right understanding of what it is all about; this existence itself. All I hope for is the freedom from this 'mental slavery' that i have created for myself through wrong perceptions and impulses, through mismanagement of my emotions and desires;all I hope for is to know that it was not all in vain.
I know and i acknowledge that my life had been for most of the part like a roller coaster, full of dichotomies that sometimes it makes me fill like I am a bad case of a schizoid. I have a mind that is eternally in dialogue with itself and much worse than You Tube when it comes to dramas and mini series. my mind is 'sick', and in need of constant observation or it will run amuck if given free reign. I dread the day i would have to face my Maker for His final evaluation and having to be made to review all that i done to upset His Grace and Mercy. The shame of it itself would kill me, not that it matters as i would already be dead anyway; hell would have to be the reruns of my wrong doings throughout my life. This is why whenever I pray to my Lord it is always to ask for His mercy and forgiveness for all my wrongs, big and small,  committed knowingly and unknown, past present and future, this would be my first priority whenever I pray. yes, I am afraid or His wrath and i am scared shitless to even think of what lay in store for me when the time comes to face the Big Guy. What I can only hope for is that He is oft forgiving and most merciful and He is The Lord of Compassion and at the end of the day He will judge me but until then it is my path to seek liberation from this fears and guilty conscience that I carry with me like a bag of rotten eggs. 
I keep telling myself these things over the years especially when I am in a confused or uncertain state of mind where doubts and vexations cloud my consciousness and distort my being. 
I am of the family of light, I am a light being and I have been striving towards enlightenment of my spirit if not my soul and every now and then I catch glimpses of the sense of light and freedom that i seek but every so often i fall back into my old repressed self born of conditioning and as a result of not comprehending my dual thinking mind. Within this form is the source of light that has been inherent and innate to my original nature of beingness and to keep this light from becoming dim or worse extinguished totally is of paramount concern no matter where or what state of mind i am at at this moment. I have to keep reminding myself of my higher purpose in life more than just trying to psychologically heal a sick mind or a wounded soul. Like polishing a tile till it becomes a mirror, I have to keep on trudging up the hill and discover for myself what lies at the peak of the mystic mountain. I have practically bared myself, my life, my passions, my dreams and my spirit throughout this years of Blogging; I know I will prevail. Like the Tibetan Yogi Milarepa, I too will strive to attain to my higher Being through relentless practice for the benefit of Sentient Beings in the six realms, ten directions, past present and future. Failing this I will return and keep on returning until I have cleared all my Karmic consequences and liberate myself from this cycle of life death and rebirth. In this effort i call upon all the Ancient Ones, the Prophets and the Yogis, I call upon all the great teachers, the masters, and the powers that be to assist me and i call upon my Lord or Creation for His Grace and Compassion that i may fulfill my quest in this life for the sake of humanity and the planet itself...Insha'Allah...Amen.    

Looking in Looking out.

Someone wrote that there are times when one has to be a little selfish and say no, enough is enough, i will take no more nonsense from you or anyone else, and this feeling at the right time and circumstances, is okay too. When the heart feels like it is time to move on and venture into new frontiers albeit physically, mentally or spiritually, one has to weigh anchor and set sail into uncharted waters. Where that lies is a question only the heart can tell and the mind to figure out while the body is set in motion accordingly. No plans, no expectations and no goals to be dreamed of. Life is to short as is often said and to entertain mental formations and delusions triggered by external phenomena especially other people with their own neurosis is best discarded as extra baggage not conducive for en-lighten-ment. Letting go is crucial according to most teachings as it is like tightening your belt to meet dire need for one's own sanity.
it is okay to bury one's head in the sand every now and then and avoid contact with the outside world and its reality, it is like taking a nap after a futile day of trying too hard to do what is right and yet getting nowhere. This is the time for a 'power nap' that revitalizes and energizes one's own capacity to get a better grip of what is 'reality' that works for me. What is reality? It is something not even the great minds of old could unravel in words but feels it deep within and thus deep  within one looks for the answer. For this to happen, it is back to the practice of slowing down and eventually quieting the mind; back to meditation, back to looking out while looking in. I bury my head in the sounds of Hans Zimmer's epic themes and the taking care of Furby the kitten i brought home for my daughter, i bury my head into the mundane day to day chores of doing the laundry and cooking the meals, cleaning the house and, well, writing what my nind has to share for the Blog.
Like a snail recoiling into its shell, i bury my head into pure observation of where i am at and how far or how near i am from finding my true nature, that practice which I had vowed to carry out till I exit this life. It is a tedious and often seemingly boring undertaking, however as i approach being in the seventies of my age, I find it more necessary to do so in order to narrow down all my perspective about life. The past can only evoke more thoughts, while the future remains a mystery, experiences, dreams and expectations are just grist for the mill with its ever spinning wheels. The wheels will come to a dead stop at anytime now and before it all comes to a final halt i hope to find that which has always been elusive; my true nature- who am I?    
I have faith that The Lord's Grace is within me and i need not look any further, however I still have to maintain my practice and keep the fire of this faith continuously burning even when darkness seems to creep up on me. All my trials and tribulations, my ups and downs, they are what keeps me from taking for granted that i am still on the train towards liberation.

The letting go of yet another episode.

 I spent five days at 'The farm', when i was asked to give the Captain a ride from the Airport in Georgetown along with a volunteer who was from Spain to SRI LOVELY organic farm where i normally would go for my retreat. This time around my trip to the farm was not as waht i had expected as I was lost in my lower self through the presence of many foreigners mostly young ladies and the regular locals that I had been used to hanging out with were absent. It was a very uncomfortable feeling and i asked the Captain if i could leave the very next day but was asked to stay till Friday when one of the volunteers would be leaving for her home in Italy and could use a ride to Georgetown. I spent most of my time doing my regular activity like raking the leaves and primarily cleaning up the surrounding area. 
As much as i tried to i find myself being sucked into their presence and interacting with these foreigners that makes up of two Americans, an Italian, a lady from Spain and one from Germany and a local Chinese lady from Penang. Perhaps it is my own projection then again perhaps there is something going on behind the scene where i am being judged and warned against by someone, like keep your distance from that guy or watch out for Mamu as they all call me there. I realized this from the fact that with every one of them it seems like initially they seemed open and pleasant and then overnight they become suspicious with the doubtful and weary look in their eyes almost accusing sometimes. I had no choice but to mingle at lunch and dinner and i wished I had enough cash to simply leave the place whenever i wish to but I was financially strapped. So I was trapped into having to deal with the situation till it was time to leave. 
I never felt so lost an uncomfortable as i did in the last five days being at the place I called my retreat, a place where i find comfort and solace to my soul. Not this time I was exposed to my own nakedness, my own vulnerability towards the exposure of the banality of sexual urges. my ego was being put to the grind and i find myself succumbing to my lower self, my lust and my primal sexual instinct. it was a repetition of my life at the Zen monastery in California. I regressed. I was drifting again into a conflicting turmoil that seems to take me to places that i had spent so much time and energy to discard off  as i am getting older in age and I often find myself reminding of my age and my practice of detachment and the more i did so the more i am being confronted with challenges that digs our my old bad habits where desires and lust is concern. I felt like i was there for all the wrong reasons and waht was worse was feeling like i was being used by others.
I refuse to point my finger at others but my gut feeling would not let me be to this feeling that I wa being played by others for their own benefit.Like i said it could all be my own lame projections being influenced by my past weaknesses.
Now back home in my quiet environment at home I am still being being infested by the thoughts of where i gone astray and  how i had attracted these vexations into my consciousness. I guess, I will have to work on these vexations from the very root of the matter until I can bring equanimity back into my mind; a mind that cannot let go of these attachments simply for lack of better things to think of. As things has become too muddied for my mind I feel that it is time to cut off this whole relationship with the farm and walk away with no more attachment to it and what it had offered in the past. The famr has become another roadside attraction for back packers and travellers and it is best to let it be and remove my involvement with it; it is time to move on and find that space where i found myself, right where i am at, here and now, at home. It is house cleaning time and to reflect into what has transpired and letting go what is not relevant to my growth as a whole. In short to stop being Mr. Nice Guy all the time.
If anything has been learned from this last trip it is the fact that I am retreating from as much as possible getting involved with things and events that is beyond my need for my self preservation, Time to burrow deeper into the cave and reflect inwards at what needs taking care of with my spiritual and mental health. In other words to get prepared for what is to come when it comes; the end of my days. 


  



   

If you would rather watch a David carradine movie, I understand.

ITawakkul in Allah Azza wa Jalla! Have faith in the Lord of the Universe. Every Friday the Imam would beseech, and demand that man has faith in the Divine. Surrender and submit to the Divine his will for his Lord's, shall be done, here. on this earth and the hereafter. This act of submission one's personal will to that of a Divine Will is the first act of a Muslim; it nullifies your personal egotistical, preconditioned and corrupted mind lay claim towards becoming above the Law. No deed good or otherwise goes unnoticed as two angels stands both on your left and and on your right keeping your record complete and straight; they do not in anyway interfere or involve in your thoughts and actions, they merely record it all down as it happens, just as they are beside me watching my making this entry. How inconvenient and so much for freedom of expression and the sanctity of privacy. But don't worry the Lord knows this and he makes you forget about your two record keepers overlooking your shoulders. 99.99% of the time you are not in the least aware that you are being constantly monitored for your eve3ry positive and negative actions in this life; 
I must feel very ashame of me two companions who have been with me thus far, I admit I beyond incorrigible and often times my negative actions bordered on insanity and I ask for their forgiveness in the Name of the Merciful and Compassionate All Forgiving Lord of Creation. Let this entry testify my expression in sincerity and with Ikhlas.
To each and every soul male and female, young and old, whose life I had smeared with sinfully or touched in any other way, I bow before you and in the name of my Lord and in the name of His Prophet, I ask your mercy and Forgiveness and let this entry testify and bear witness to this taubah or repentance. n the Buddhist sense, I have some deep rooted karma that needs to be played out or reconciled with before i can be free.
Hence with my palms together and my head bowed i ask to be free from the clinging on to my past negative actions and will do my utmost to remedy my ways with positive and rewarding actions for the benefit of Sentient Being, past present and future. I took the Bodhisattva Vow, a vow to carry out some form of service towards humanity and the universe. It sounds grandiose and bombastic, but it is as close to the truth of my feelings as i can get when writing. Astargfirulah Al GafuruRahim. I have cleaned up my closet and stahed in a safe place all my skeletons, worms and maggots for fermentation and turn into a compost heap, I have acknowledged all that has happened and accepted as my own doing and I carry the baggage I have accumulated before my Lord comes the Day Of Reckoning, but in the meantime I am who I am, the Cheeseburger Buddha, The Night soil carrier and a wannabe artist, will live on waking up from my  ,sleep to face reality. In this i have my faith in the Lord, as of now I answer to Him and Him alone when my time comes, This happens when you age in life, the reflection into the past especially traumatic,or mind blowing events, the worse and the best that could have happened, happened. Knowing there is no way I can turn back time and undo my actions, I still feel I owe it to myself to come clean without the details to clean my slate and recycle my waste. I wish that some great virtues can be grown from my past experiences and these insights be shared for the benefit of others.  
My experiment with life has just risen to the next level where I stop searching and starting being that I am who I am. Being here in this moment entertaining my thoughts I am being in touch with my consciousness, my own plane of existence, in my own inner sanctum having conversations with my self over life and existence as i am beginning to see  and come to understand it as it is. is it? Is this moment in time real or is it too another pigment of my imagination along with all the rest of it.my moments in time? How to step out of this circle? Stop the mind from attachment to thinking about it. Stop adding on to . stop exaggerating and remain detach from all your experiences, let go! Be in the here and Now as much as you can in the course of a day, an hour, a minute,,,a moment in time. That is why i often tell my mind to be quiet for five minutes  Try it, perhaps you will have better luck than me. 

O'Jerusalem!

There is a extreme imbalance between the minds of the West and of the East; the West is much towards the material external gains while the East is dwelling deeper into the inner realm of faith and spirituality. Both are the products of the collective mind of the whole human race East and West, strong or weak, rich or poor; it is our common call, we brought it into being, we have been asleep far to long and too deeply that our minds has got the better of us. The west is bound and determined to manipulate the events of the world to fill their pockets and ensure their power; this is the sickness of the mind, this egotistical stance in claiming supremacy over your fellow man at whatever cost or cause. the motive may be. I see this bias towards material or spiritual happening on 'Stats' of my Blog. What i write about makes a difference in the number of readers East and West on which side reads what. 
I am making an effort to understand and sort out my own feelings about the Global phenomenon where a great split is about to occur and fault lines are going to be drawn, and yes we are facing another tribal war, a war that will see no winners, some even feel it is the end of all wars. Details, just be up to date on You Tube if you don't read the news,, the Internet is The Miracle of modern man; use it or abuse it, free choice. I feel we have abused it more so the use it, the again I could be wrong; The Lord still works in mysterious ways. and he must have a bigger sleeve than you and I, who can tell what he will come up with next. As the saying goes, man propose, God  disposes.Man may have been created in His image, but man has yet to come any closer to His presence; we are actually drifting away from our own divinity, that which we were created out of. We have come to accept the fact that we are nothing but cork and screws in this great machine (matrix) we call life.
Religious and spiritual values is all we have left to check our collective sanity level for without, faith and a belief is a higher order, a good majority of mankind would have been sucked into chaos and anarchy allot sooner than is happening now. The Ten Commandments of the Judeo, Christian and Muslim religions is still the paramount universal law to all 'People of the Book." When Moses brought it down from the mountain, he did not bring the law down just for the Jews, it was for all mankind and it should be embraced by all religions as a blue print for universal peace.
Bring all war criminals to the Hague now not when the carnage is over, the damage done. All those who have their hands in all the conflicts that is being orchestrated all over the world should be summoned to the Hague where they should be made to answer for all their rationals of what is happening in their country. It should and aught to be the function of the International Court of Justice to expedite a hearing session between the accused leaders of these trouble nations. Wars and conflicts, will always be a product of the human consciousness and the only means to put and end or at the very least check it in motion is to look into the laws that has been handed down through the ages with regard to the taking of another man's life: "Thou Shalt Not Kill!" The first Law of Moses. 
No doubt today that a life is valued for the price of a bullet and if you are not a soldier than you are a collateral damage, however it all sucks!
The United Nations has established all over the world places of historical values as Heritage Sites and thes includes large cities and ancient sites. What would it take to declare Bethlehem or even jerusalem itself a World heritage Site? This area should be run like the Vatican, policed by a neutral police force. It  would benefit all, Jews Christians and Palestinians alike at least economically and if well run it could help to heal old wounds and bring tribes closer together through a common desire for peace and prosperity. Or are we sick and tired of living in peace, in harmony, in a creative vibrant planet that will be our common heritage that we leave behind us when we go; is this too much to ask? I ask this of myself as much as i ask the rest of humanity. My brothers, my sisters, my children their children, my relatives and friends and theirs, this question I ask of all the Great minds of today, the Scientists at the CERN Project in Switzerland, the Masters and Gurus of both the East and the West, those who are Nobel Laureates and those who carry the lineage of the Buddhas; I ask this question to all of humanity in the name of my Lord, Allah Subhana HuwaTaa'la, Lord of the Worlds. He sent down the Ten Commandments to Moses and today we bear witness what happens when the law is being taken in vain.  
Who or where do we look to for an impeccable leadership  to lead us of this dark matrix that we believe to be our reality. I see only in my self and the self o others like me and you from through this planet would awaken to the need to send a collective message loud enough to shatter the walls of justice today; let us silence our minds and center our selves to align with the whole of humanity in s single consciousness; Not possible, who got the time, who want to make sense out of all these nonsense, life is bad as it is, why bother? Just eat when you are hungry, sleep when you are sleepy, sit and watch the grass grow...These world dramas, don't let it get to you, there is reason for it all for it is written in the Loh Mahfuz, It preordained in the Book of Record according to Islam. Nothing that stirs much less moves escapes the eye of The Truth and my Lord is All knowing and All Wise in His execution of His Will... my lord is a Peace Loving Lord of Creation. However do not tempt His wrath and He can be not nice when he is angry and the only thing that has kept Him from ripping asunder this entire solar system is because there still those who worship Him and put their, Tawakal in Him, the world is still safe for as long as there are farmers and their families, fishermen and theirs, the Imams and monks and priests; for so long we are safe from His wrath.
This afternoon at the Friday Prayer, the Imam ask for a special prayer for the in the wake yet another slap in the face by the Zionist Israel and corporate America when the President acknowledge that Jarusalem will be the capital of the state of Israel. Let us watch how much hot air will come out of the rest of the Muslim World and heaven's forbid let us see how iran reacts. What else can i do bu to watch and make my observation like all good scientific research, I have to be true to what my mind is thinking at the moment, these are how I pass my time putting my mind to task; making sense out of non-sense. 
  

Talking to myself.

There is not much to understand or learn but there is a whole lot of work to be done if one is to heal the splintered soul. There is much effort put into getting to kno your illnesses and apply the proper healing process from within you. Bring your consciousness into bearing and focus upon a single thought -Heal! I am a unlearning and unfolding back all that I have been made to believe throughout my life; spring cleaning. I am and have been looking deeply at my very being who I have come to be. I am not this body and nor am I this mind, I am who I am call myself what I may and fear of taking on any, I call the observer, the witness, the onlooker of life's super highway. If so much can happen in the span of my life in the world I dread to think of what else is yet to come. On the personal level I have come to accept that my thoughts and the collective mind thinking and projecting into the universe if not calibrated well to create a positive and healing impact, we as a specie will have a steeper mountain to climb.  
It would take a reader to read my entire Blog since 2005 till today with close two thousand entries throughout the date, for anyone to understand this long journey of self discovery and reconciliation of the Spirit, Body and Mind. This Blog is a continuation of my days of keeping a 'Sketchbook Journal' which i began in 1978 while I was in London. These journals and my Blog writings are my Master's Theses, "Experimenting with Life." 'The Ways of the Cheeseburger Buddha." The CBB was inducted into my service when I had a Satori while having my lunch break at a MacDonald's, On the East side of the town of Green Bay Wisconsin, I was wearing uniform of a security guard and eating a Cheeseburger in one hand while reading . The Way of Zen by Alan Watts,in the other,
When the world around you fall silent and you find your self hung in a limbo of time and spacelessness, you hang on to this moment for it is about to change your look at life. The Japanese calls it Satori and I like the sound of the word and its meaning. Sometimes you are sucked into a vacuum and it trips your being itself, it can happen anywhere and anytime by whatever means or circumstances; this is the 'wakeup call', the awakening of intelligence, the little voice within and the revelation it whispers to your heart, to your soul; let the healing begin. Everything that lives and breath will die, nothing is permanent in this life, not body nor mind and that which is making thess observation too will demise in time blown into oblivion for eternity; from atoms back to atoms. 
I do not buy this total annihilation of the soul and of being after death theory, I feel it in me that what lies into the future especially when I am dead will be much much more exciting if not frightening and it will be the final wake up call for you whether you are aware, ready or not; you will have to face who you are according to the 'Whole', and this will decide your next trip, your return to yourself will reveal all there is and all that is not of who are, what you were and what you have become.
Some calls it The Day or Judgement', while others The Day of Reckoning; Who are you? Who do you worship or what is your faith. Do you believe in the existence of angels and demons and the Prophets of the Lord down through the ages of man? This is the preliminary questions asked in the grave according to Islam; this is your transit zone where your identification papers are done to place you in the category you belong to in the scheme of things. Each and every religious faith, the life after death scenario is primarily the same, good begets good and bad begets bad, soas you sow and so shall you reap; you cannot escape the wheels of karma as you travel this path called life. One day you are at the top and the next you fall flat on your face. One day you feel like a liberated spirit, joyful and carefree and the next you find yourself about to jump off Penang Bridge, This life is like riding a roller coaster for those who are on the path towards 'self recovery.' The path of healing is as painful as that which needs to be healed albeit the, Body, Mind or Spirit. To heal the soul a strip of Band Aid is not enough, it takes just as many years to undo what has been done in some cases, the damage cannot be undone but the lessons may be learned. An error will forever remain an error until a solution is discovered.
So, here we are at this moment of space and time dwelling into our thoughts and imaginations as to who or what we are while at the same time wondering what is there in the refrigerator to munch on at this hour of the morning -3;00 am.    

  








    

More random mind unleashed,

The dream i had took place years ago while i was living in San Francisco, California where i had spent ten years of my life and where my two children were born or was it in Green bay, Wisconsin? How thoughts last when you age, suffice to say it was long ago. In the dream i was in India and was marching along with thousands across a field in India. The sound of OM reverberated all through my body and mind like a huge generator coming from within my heart and the hearts of all humanity; I felt the sound of the Universe in my heart and it was awesome! Then we came to a wall of rocks blocking the way. The marchers all turned to the right and marched along the wall with the vibration of OMMMM...in their Being. I felt the energy that sustain the universe all around and within me; I felt I was on a holy quest or a pilgrimage like in Makkah. 
The I noticed that the wall had ancient looking cubicles carved out of the rock surface an d as we marched further on I notice the cubicles more recent than the previous. The cubicles started to contain skeletons again as we move onwards the cubicles contained recently deceased 'Monks', Meditators leading finally to just recently deceased, Then I came by a back door of an old courtyard that had cubicles where life monks sit in meditation varying in age as I walk on into the building. By the time I was inside the sound of OM has ceased and I felt it was meant to be. I noticed cells where monks sit and some were relaxing like ni between Meditation and some were even having fun playing cards, giggling like little kids, I realized that i was walking forward in time through an ancient ruin of a Buddhist Monastery and had arrived at the end of the path where it all began. 
Suddenly a side door on my left flung open and i was thrown out into the streets of India, where it was hot and smelly and vibrant with life. It is through my love and cherish for the teachings of Gautama, the Historical Buddha or Awakened one, that i am able to slowly come to accept who I am; I am but a servant of my Lord, call Him what you may, I call Him Allah(SWT). That I had entered Buddhism through the rear entrance and so i enter Islam for the second time as a born again Muslim. A believer in the One True Lord, of Creation and of the Hereafter. I believe that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah, the Final and last Prophet in the lineage of Abraham and of Moses and Jesus. However I am more well versed in the Buddha's teachings as for most of my adult life i had made it my vocation to question my Lord, my Creator...I was blaspheming and challenging of His lack of compassion over my trials ans tribulations as i was growing up and mostly it had involved my faith. Instead of asking who or what my Lord is I turn into asking myself, Who am I? 
Perhaps at my age i should have had all the answers by now, I have, on many occasions i have, some call it Satori while others Moksha, I call it my wake up call, minor revelations that jars the mind into a leap of faith in or complete surrender to my Lord. I hand been going over this issue for most of my life I do not have the Atheistic creative genius of Omar Khayyam or the fervor of  Halash, making a claim that cost him his life. No Sir, I am merely making my Blog entry and hopefully by so doing will perhaps one day die a freed servant of man, Insha'Allah. 
And this too will pass...and it is 4;30 am. What the hell am I doing to myself! I should be in bed dreaming of a butterfly dreaming it was me... 'Delusions are inexhaustible, I vow to end them'. The second of the Bodhisattva vow. The first is,"Beings are numberless, I vow to awaken with them," I hope my Blogging for all its intentions is my way of answering the vow, in some small way my experiences may help to jarr another mind from its sleeping state and awaken him the next level in his karmic existence. I am throwing my own consciousness as they arise out into the universe, "I am casting my lines into the rapids and the greedy is caught, as soon as his mouth is open, his life is lost." Old Chinese sayings from the Blue Cliff Records. Anyone into wanting to understand more profoundly into what Zen or its Chinese , Chan Buddhism is, I advice to look into theses ancient Chinese texts; thanks to Internet.
I have unleashed from my mind a whole load of garbage and i hope it has not splashed around too much and and cause a stink. Which brings to mind of the story of the Night Soil Carrier. In the old days he was the man who came early every morning to empty the 'shit pot' in the out house or toilet. He was the guy who carried on his hip a load of shit or in two large pots slung across his shoulders. He was a very careful man fully conscious of his action as any accident would spell shit all over the neighbor's yard. He was the man who was impervious to sight or smell, and curse of others as they held their breath when he passes by. He was the man who took home all the shit he collected and turned it eventually into fertilizers for his vegetable garden. He was the man whose produce you purchase at the market and he was the man whose children today drives BMWs and live in mansions. Yes, in this country he was a Chinese. 
  

The Lord of The worlds.

Allahu Akhbar! Indeed The Lord is thy God is Great! I am a Born-again Muslim! I fully submit my will to His, and Thy will shall be done my Lord. There is No God, Only You, Allah subhana hu Wa'Taala! Lord of the Worlds. I submit my soul, m life and death, unto ThyMercy, Ya GhfuruRahim. ...The Forgiver.
When I listen with all attention and awareness, to the Surah; ArRahman; The Beneficent, I had a glimpse of how great my Lord Is.  That when He ask of Mankind and Jinn alike to awaken to all that is within and without of who you are and after all the miracles of life He has manifested and all the comforts and safety He has provided, still you do not believe in Him; The ONe True, Lord of the Worlds. There is a beautiful Video of this Surah as read by one of them most beautiful voices in the Muslim World in reciting the Al-Quran and the near perfect translation of the verses into English Listen and open your heart and mind like God Himself is talking to you...to You! You have nothing to loose and much to gain I sincerely assure you, you men and women of knowledge, seekers of Truth. How i wish I can read the Quran in the original form and grateful I am to those who make it possible for me to become encompassed by it, is sound and meaning: Thanks You Tube!
I leave the details up to you to figure out how to find the right Video I am talking about, I think It is on the same link to this; Surah Yasin. I listened to this Surah and tried to be able to read it through the transliteration while listening to the Reader for many years but still not able to put i to memory; this is the Heart of the Quran, The Essence. Like the Bhagavad Gita to the Mahabharata in Hinduism, like Chairman Mao's ,Red Book to the History of China. If one wishes to sincerely understand Islam and the Teachings of the Prophet of Allah and in doing so clarifies all the misgivings that one is conditioned to believe, with a 'Beginner's Mind', get to know that which scares you, the Truth...the Words of The Lord and Indeed, The Lord is Great!
If you Google the question like, what or where how was the God came into being you will have a little understanding of why i keep writing ,'My Lord' instead of God. briefly most believe it is a derivation of the german word Gott? Again for details google it, that's what it is being loaded into the net for. I am not as comfortable to replace the Word Allah for God and so from now on when I mention ,The Lord, you will know who or what I man, that we are on the same same page on this, no misunderstandings or doubts of my intention. Only the mind of the Seekers will take note of my sharing; as only the wise and the learned usually end up reading this Blog. This is my 'Heart Sura', Wisdom beyond Wisdom, Heart Sutra; Form is Emptiness, Emptiness is Form,,,the same is true of feelings and perceptions, Impulses and Awareness... This the Sutra that has Gone Beyond, Beyond even the concept of the word Beyond..." I am only human and I am living my own life out like I have vowed to...a Bodhisatva, a servant of my Lord, here on earth living out my own karma, my own destiny my own delusions...this is my Way Seeking Mind. 
And Allah said in the Surah. The Beneficent, - ArRahman, for all these that I have put into your head, of life, of History of man, the planet, the Universe itself all accordingly, still you have the audacity to doubt you Maker.All that is mentioned in the verses were conceived some 1400 years ago, when camel riding was the  means of transportation, better known to Muslims as the Age of jahilliah, the age of ignorance. in this Surah, The Lord revealed the whole 'Whole' Universe from from microcosmic to as far as the mind can comprehend,  from the atom to dimensions beyond what is, as a prove of His Presence, His Love and His Compassion of His Covenant between Himself, Man and jinn. Yes, there are good and not so good Jinn as there are in men, just as the are as many policemen to keep the law from being taken advantage of. 
For so long as we can keep doing it, this self-observation by the one writing and the thoughts and ideas being written are not exactly of the same words that are edged in stone. My understanding of the Al-Quran is but as much as a grain of sand in the ocean of wisdom and faith.I will I am converting myself into Islam, I am not trying to influence others much less convert much less convert them. I once had a dream, most vivid dream that ended with the realization that I am entering islam through the back door. 
To be contd....
  
  

An Open Letter to the CM of Penang.

Dear Mr. CM , Sir, 
After listening to a small group of fishermen friends at the coffee  shop off  the Lim Chong Eu's Freeway, I was moved to write this letter to our Chief Minister with regard to this matter. 
Briefly, a voucher worth RM400 was offered to all fishermen residents of Penang. The details is easily looked into by the YB, CM office, I did see the coupon along with an IC photo copy ready for processing but is still pending. Again I will not dwell on the details but strongly urge the State Government to look and resolve this issue, if nothing else to save face if not trust for the ruling party. Please act before a good gesture becomes a poor one that turns good intentions into an insult.
Yes , Mr. Chief Minister, with all due respect, as a concerned citizen who sees that both sides of the divide  I am bringing this matter to your attention with no other intention than the fact that it will damage your administrative department if not your party's image. Please make sure  that the incident is looked into from cradle to grave; it is much more sensible not to give than to give half heartedly and with strings attached. 

Yours Truly,
Shamsul Bahari
Ps. It was an honor to have been invited to sit beside him and to have shook your hands At a Deepavali Open House at the "Passions of Kerala" a restaurant at the Nagore Place. 

Are you still with me on this?

Are you still with me in my exploration of the workings of 'my mind'? If you are i hope it has been worth you while that you have taken the time to browse these entries into my Blog of my personal thoughts and ideas which started off many years ago as an experiment in self discovery, in knowing who i am and how my mind works in relation all that is around and inside me. it is a diary of sor but more so, it is a spiritual quest of sorts and then some and it is a journey towards liberation not unlike the journey of Shakyamuni, the historical Buddha. The Lord Buddha was a prince of the Shakya clan whose father Suddhodana was a great king and his mother's name was Queen Maya in the kingdom of Lumbini. at his birth, the Buddha was prophesied that He would either one day become a great ruler or a great saviour and he became the later after being exposed to the harsh realities of existence. The question that hammered home into His mind was, 'why is life so full of suffering?' 
The way of Shakyamuni has come down through the ages as one of the great religions of man, a way that leads to the salvation of the spirit from the bondage of Life, Death and Rebirth, a vicious circle that man is trapped into through his own insatiable desires and ignorance and living the illusory existence of a sleep walker. The Historical Buddha came into being in the times of spiritual chaos in India where the Brahmin of the period had taken advantage and polluted the ancient vedic teachings to suit their cravings. The appearance of  the Buddha was like that of an agnostic who came to set right the wrong of religious ignorance  and free the masses from the exploitation by the priests caste of the time. The Buddha's way had led to a revolution of the Hindu pantheon of Gods and Deities replacing them with the practice of self realization and ultimate liberation from the cycle of Life, death and rebirth. The Buddha taught man how to stop playing the religious game and awaken to the spiritual realization of the Non attachment to and non dependant upon any other than the self to become free. By the right understanding of the true self nature or Buddha Nature one can shed off this mind and body and become self-less or no self and when there is no self to reckon with, there is none to suffer. In short according to the teachings of the Buddha, for so long as there is a self or an I, there is suffering. 
The question is off course is how do i drop off the 'I'? How do I stop identifying with the 'I'? It is impossible and a foolish idea if one look at it at a casual glance, but the Buddha took more than forty long and tedious years of self scrutiny to arrive at an answer for himself. Upon awakening he was said to have uttered, "I am awakened, and the universe awaken with me!" Hence you and i, if we were to ponder upon this utterances it would mean that we are awakened beings, we are all Buddhas by virtue of Shakyamuni Buddha's awakening some two thousand five hundred years ago, the time of Abraham or was it Moses? The time of lao Tzu and Confucius, Zoroaster and such. So how come we are drifting along on this life's highway like a ship without a rudder, cattle headed for the slaughter house? Are we as a specie regressing in our capacity to implement changes when changes are sorely needed, strive for peace when peace has become a rare commodity and a bargaining chip. What is wrong with this generation of  humanity that we have allowed ourselves to be dragged into so much conflict that has plunged us into the depth of depravity unheard of in our history. 
When the Buddha declared the Universe to have awakened with Him it included us or at least our ancestors some 2500 years ago; it was a Universal miracle. However somewhere, somehow we have deviated and set upon a new course for self destruction rather than self discovery. We have found Gods again and in this we have found too that suffering is  here to stay. The Gods love human pain and suffering as it remind man of the need for a saviour, of hope and of grace and such and the need for a scapegoat to blame it all on when things don't go the right way.The Buddha in his final hours is to have said to his cousin Ananda," O'Ananda, depend not on any other than your self for your own salvation!" 

Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

The mind is everything. What you think you become.

The Buddhaa.

  

And Thy will shall be done....

What is 'free will'?

“You say: I am not free. But I have raised and lowered my arm. Everyone understands that this illogical answer is an irrefutable proof of freedom.” 
― Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace

In this life nothing is free, or so it is said; especially not your 'will'. Having a will in itself means imposing it upon others, over something else, and event to happen according to your will. your perception, your impulses or consciousness. This amounts to having control over and when control id involve there is no freedom as the controller can be controlled, as the observer can be observed. Freedom comes with total submission or surrender like 'unto Thy hands O'Lord, I surrender my spirit." it is through this  giving up of the ego nature or the 'Nafs', that creature which governs our thoughts and emotions whenever we are not at home or busy sleep walking through life. It is through becoming completely liberated from our preconceived ideas and imaginations of who we are that we can approach the presence of true free will and act accordingly as, 'Thy will shall be done, O'Lord." 
Hence there is none who practice his 'free will', however everyone has their will to impose upon others, their thoughts and aspirations, their, wisdom and power, making it their birthright to do so. Thus with this misconception of what freedom or free will is we go about our daily life thinking that we are, 'free thinkers', 'freedom fighters', 'Free Masons,' free this and free that while inherently we are slaves to our own conditioned mind creating mental formations to compensate for our lack of understanding of the truth or reality as expounded by the great minds and sages throughout the ages. 
My daily 'affirmations' as part of my personal daily practice of 'auto suggestion' ends with 'I can do what i will to do, so help me God or Insha'Allah," I add this last clause as a reminder to myself that there is a higher or greater mind than mine, call it by what name you will, that i take my leave from. Nothing that has transpired through my mind all these years belongs to me in originality, all that can be said and done has been said and done and i am merely reminding myself that there are such things as the question of what free will is and how it affects my thinking mind. On my route towards absolute self discovery i vow not to overlook or let slip by any question no matter how trivia or obtrusive it may seem, I will lift up every stone and stir every hornet's nest if it means there is an  answer or a piece of the puzzle it has hidden there somewhere. This is my will, and i can do what I will to do, so help me God. 

And one who is just of his own free will shall not lack for happiness; and he will never come to utter ruin.

 Aeschylus
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/aeschylus_396455  

"Righteous and crooked, hidden thoughts and deeds of man, joys and sorrows from situations and circumstances. why blame the helpless spheres for your lot, where you do have a will but they do not. To have the power of creativity, so i could replace the sorrows and mortality, I would reconstruct the spheres of free will to fulfill all of man's dreams, surely I would...."  
Robaiyat of Omar Khayam.      

Wake up! Stay Awake!

The difference between the brain and the mind is that the brain is made up of cells primarily and the mind is made up of thoughts mostly. The brain is made up of mindless soldiers and workers while the mind is the general that directs and leads these minions.Who or what directs the mind? Consciousness! Yes, this is basically my simple theory of existence, not bad considering I would be at a lost if asked to defend this theory, but who is asking? In this day and age just about every Tom , Dick and Krishnamurti is claiming these theories or theses, have you found one yet? What is your theory about this whole thing we call life? Do you care or is it just so plain and simple to you that it would simply be a waste of time to even ponder where you originated from. Yes, this is where i am at, wasting away my time, my precious little whatever is left of my active life, figuring out what it is all about in the first place and forget where i am headed for as that is still a blur in my horizon.
In a blink of an eye it is all slipping away, all these years of life so called experiences, memories and hopes and feelings; all fading into oblivion; what have I left behind me that is worth to remember me by? Do I even want to be remembered after all the twists and turns i have taken to get get where i am at, what really is there to be remembered of and who would take the time or make the effort to remember me? Perhaps a handful, those whose life I have touched and responsible for, those whose hopes and feelings i had destroyed or those who i owe money to. I am just , as the saying goes, another brick in the wall. I am slowly walking towards my end of days, so to speak and how or when this final cut will happen i cannot predict but i can feel it inside me as my body is sending out negative vibes and signals that spells decay. The crumbling of the wall is happening from within and I feel like I am well prepared to face the eventuality of what is to come at least not spiritually, or mentally, but I am not giving in or giving up as my experiment with life is still ongoing and fear and pain will be confronted as they arise. It has been and will always be my quest to fully understand my being in this dimension as to its how or why in the first place.
I have lived life and this i can claim in more than one way even if it may not all be well and peachy, I have tasted what most men crave for and endured what most would steer away from. As the saying goes, 'Only fools would dare thread where angels fear to walk,' I have lived like a fool for a good part of my existence and what is worse I have fooled others along with or so I thought. Now I am a mirror sitting here reflecting all that I have trespassed and all that is I have written in the pages of my book of life. I am reflecting, analysing, pondering and wondering what has been and what will become of this entity, the singular consciousness that has existed for the past sixty odd years; what does it all boils down to in the end? 
What is the difference between the brain and the mind? Well the brain does not and cannot even come close to understand all that I have written, but it can put  it all together in its physical form, this entry, via the computer through the fingers and walla! Without the brain and the rest of its activities, the mind cannot come into existence as it does, now. Perhaps it may exist as a consciousness somewhere in another dimension, but here and now the brain is the link that allows the mind to manifest what the mind has to say; the brain is the mind's tool of expression. Can the brain be trained to function as the mind wills? That is the question that most Yogy of old, the Chan masters, the Sufi masters the Native American Shaman and the rest of the truth seekers have been looking into for themselves; how to make each and every single cell in the brain to act collectively in carrying out a single thought to perfection; how to train the brain to heal or even reverse the process of death and decay. Scientists today have been able to make all the dotted lines connected and are on the verge of discovering the final catalyst towards immortality in this physical form, but the human mind is still nor yet ready for the discipline to become Gods. Man is too self serving and still fully governed by Greed, Hate and Ignorance. We are still trapped in this 'dual thinking mind of right and wrong, good and bad scenario and we are still bogged down with the desire to end all desires. We still cling on to the believe in the 'self', that we are separate entities existing like individual cells in the brain. Until we become fully conscious of our collective consciousness we will never find the truth about our potentiality as humans and die still ignorant of what had happened in our allotted time on this plane or dimension. We come and go but never will we be free from this cycle of birth, death and rebirth not until we fully grasp the right understanding of the workings of  our body and mind from the very atoms that makes it all up to the ultimate consciousness that governs the galaxies..Until then we can never claim ourselves as masters of our own destinies, we are slaves to our own self limiting conditioning, to our self imposed fears and guilt that our ego, our personal desire has manufactured for us. 
So! Wake up! Stay Awake! 
     




   

Sermon on the sofa.

So, what is the most elusive question in life? Who am I, or what am I? Am I this body or this mind? In Buddhism, the question is what is your original Buddha Nature? That which Is before you were, ever. Silly question to most but a lifelong Koan or Mondo for the 'seekers'. The seekers or 'Truth', the student of spirituality, the Way seeking Mind, the adepts, well all those who live life beyond eat, sleep, shit and work and then die. Do not become a McDonald's or KFC chicken in life, become the live chicken at the very least, feathers and all running wild and free around the village like an Ayam kampung, (village chicken) or better yet ayam hutan or wild fowl.
Letting go of the concept of life as being fed to you or injected into your consciousness from the very beginning is never easy and will get harder as you grow old. Letting go of fear itself is the key towards self liberation. The fear of truly meeting who you are on this path towards will hold you in bondage and keep you from being free of delusions. The delusions that has been fed or injected into you by your parents, your education, the society and humanity itself from the day your were born till the day you die. To die in vain is to die without truly being liberated from the very delusion that has been keeping you trapped in this life all along like living in a dream. To be awaken from this dream is to die each and every moment from this life of Maya or delusion, life of the dual thinking mind, life of the material and egotistical tendencies, life of self serving governed by greed, hate and delusion. To be awaken is to remain an observer throughout your lifelong existence and not become what is being observed, to become the creator and not be created, the manifestor not the manifested.
There is Grace within each and every one of us, there is Love and Happiness already inherent in us, look no further than who you are and find it now not tomorrow of the day after. Look for it not out there from somewhere, in here where it originates, where your divine nature resides. Cease from giving yourself excuses and remove doubts and grab a hold of the reality of your own infinite conscious nature, that which is consciousness itself for you are That, which Is and That which has always been, the unchanging, impeccable Buddha Nature, the Atma Brahman, the Holy Spirit, that which is unborn and deathless;Ruhul Kudus. 
May you realize the power of being the master of your own destiny/
Peace be with you.

What is Body and mind but vehicles fort the Path.

The physical body will no doubt feel the creeping effect of aging this is a fact of life that we cannot deny, however we do not get old at the same rate as some will age faster than others. Why? If a runner runs for miles and miles every time he sets out to run it is not the body that gives in first towards giving up, it is the mind. The body will endure for as long as the mind tells it that it is still doing fine and to keep on running but once the mind decides enough is enough, the body will slow down and eventually give up running. hence the same is true with the whole process of aging, the physical body will remain young and healthy for so long as the mind is young and healthy. it does not take an Einstein to figure this out. The human mind is a very complex and in lay man's term very tricky and slippery like an eel, it can turn the worse into the best and vice versa at the drop of a hat. The role consciousness and awareness plays in this factor is crucial as the mind is in need of constant monitoring and it is only under direct and constant scrutiny that the mind can be of benefit to the body's well being.
Talk to your brain cells and demand that it functions accordingly or better yet address the very molecules of atoms that makes up this body and make sure that all is well from the very basic of the building block, that all is in balance and functioning at the maximum output for the well being of the whole. Until you have learned to communicate with the most fundamental structure of your building block you cannot have a good control over the rest of your form and structure. The knowledge on how to go about doing this is available in abundance from all the various teachings of the ancient as well as modern schools and religions and again with the blessing of the Internet it is available almost at your finger tips. Again, 'Ask and ye shall be given', ask the right questions. demand the right answers. If you can spend 99% of your time talking to yourself why not make it worthwhile and beneficial, talk to your brain cells, you blood cells, your vital organs, your bones and muscles, give instructions and let it be known that you are aware and conscious of their workings. When you feel off the alignment like being excessively tired or fatigued, reason out why and see what is not in accordance, to hot or too cold, too much wind or too much of the earth element; the elements that makes up your body is again most basic. Earth, wind fire and water and the life force or energy that generates all these together. If one is out of sync the others will be affected; be aware.
Awareness of the mind and body synchronicity is the basic healing process for the well being of the human form and it is also the building block that helps to regulate and maintain a healthy mind and body prolonging the the sustainability of these vehicles of our existence. Aging takes place when these are not well cared for or negelected a whole lot faster than otherwise. Yes, we cannot stay  forever young and healthy but we can surely make it an effort to make it last longer. Couples with this awareness is the rest of the health  practices that goes with like well balanced diet and exercises and so forth which goes without having to be told. A vehicle left abandoned will naturally end up in a junkyard a whole lot sooner that one that is well looked after. The human from is a gift like none other for as the Buddha is said to have said, "IN this human form is the means for liberation, Don't waste time."   
Have a Good Day! 
  

Expand your horizon to learn the truth.

The following morning upon waking up I was free from the pains of the night before, a small miracle? Perhaps but I am thankful for having no more teeth aching or a migraine headache. Perhaps I was too impatient in expecting and immediate cure when I made my last entry, giving up too easy or having no faith my practice of self healing. The following days the pains came and went but not as strong as it was before. I still carry on my meditation and yoga exercises as these have become my routine every morning an it has helped my see myself through the day. Keeping myself busy other than making sure my daughter gets her breakfast and take away meal, I also clean the house, feed the cat, do the laundry and off course browse the Internet for the latest in news. I have yet to garner my energy to paint as it seem like my creative juices have run dry or perhaps I find no more joy in being creative where art is concern, why? Who knows.  
I find it to slowly become a part of decadence process in my aging process as I approach seventy to loose the enthusiasm in doing things that are not having great impact in my life anymore. Art has become stale for me as I find no incentive for it and to motivate myself at a cost financially in terms of getting materials is more of a luxury that i cannot afford. Am I getting lazy in my old age? Perhaps, but hen again if I have the mans and the freedom toI would be out there on the organic farm busting my buns and sweating it out for no financial gain except that it is good for my physical and mental health. I rarely leave the apartment these days as it cot to drive what with the fuel price rising just about every other day and driving in and around the city is no more fun 
especially in having to find a peaking space everywhere you go. So I settle for staying home and get use to becoming a homemaker like I used to do when I was living and raising my children in California and later for three years in Sendai, Japan. There is benefits to this too no doubt as i find the peace and quiet rewarding for my inner journey and my mental upgrading. 
It is not that I do not wish to travel around like i used to anymore, it is just that circumstances is not conducive for me to leave anytime I wish. Furthermore, the world for me is no more fun to go galavanting around especially when you have to run through the gauntlet at the airport every time you arrive in a foreign country. So I will bow out and let the younger generation do their share of travelling and I hope more and more do so. One of the ways they will learn about themselves is to see how others live. it is hoped that they will cultivate in themselves a better understanding and tolerant of what is out there in relation to what is within themselves. To understand the qualities of life one has to inevitably expand one's consciousness about living and by living in a protected, familiar environment of one's home, village and cities alone does not encourage for a broader understanding of what it is like to be rich or poor, to be loving and compassionate, to be caring and understanding of another's life regardless of color or creed.  

A Trip to the dentist is in the books.

 I woke up sometime at 2am with a splitting headache and my mouth full of burning sensation like all my teeth were on fire; such is. So i sat in meditation, stubbornly telling myself nope, no pain killers and what I was experiencing was some uncomfortable sensation due to imbalances in my physical form. Too much heat most likely and the decay that is taking place in my mouth affecting the nerves in my gums; pain, yes lots of pain!! So like a stubborn Zen master i sat and watched with every breath all the sensations moving throughout my body including the left over muscle aches from my rigorous work at the farm. Through slow and deep breathing I allow my body to settle down muscle for muscle nerve for nerve until I came to the most painful part where the excruciating pain was emanating that being my lower jaw area where a solitary tooth stands perhaps rotting away at its root and highly sensitive to the slightest touch by the tongue. Here i kept breathing into the whole area absorbing the pain and becoming familiar with the sensation. It came to a point where i was watching this detached from the pain itself, like I had stood apart from the sensation and simply became an observer, a pleasant feeling actually for the short duration.
When most of the painful sensation had subsided I felt a sense of sadness swept over me and i watched this for a while until it too subsided and i got up and started making this entry. This temporary respite has allowed me to express my thoughts and feelings as i am doing it now while listening to Hans Zimmer's theme music of the "Last Samurai." I have merely laid aside my teeth and most probably my gums aching to make this entry for what? Who knows and who cares. Physical pain is something you cannot share with others, it is reserved fro you and you alone, hence stop complaining and sit and watch it like how you watch your mind. Questions rises, like, what is pain and if the brain controls the body why can't it control pain or the decay that has been taking place for that matter. If, "I am the master of my body. speech and mind," why am I unable to make things right, like reverse the process of decay into rejuvenate or recharge or realign all the elements in this body to find a cure for what ails me. Yes, it is a tall order for a half baked Yogi but after years of having faith and belief in these techniques of meditation and autosuggestion, I would think that I can at least find some comfort in being able to heal myself. No such luck, the pain is still lingering in my jaw although the migraine is gone. 
I have stopped blaming God for my shortcomings a long time ago but I do pray in my heart and mind that by His Grace I am not totally at the mercy of these physical discomforts and that if there is in some small way that He can help me alleviate myself from this state i really would be grateful. It sometimes works but not all the time and i figure perhaps I deserve it or it is meant for yet more awakening on my part for being stubborn and refusing to pray five times a day like all the rest of my fellow good Muslims, or go visit a dentist. 



  
    

Another Random Rambling....

 When I get the feeling that I am not in touch with reality as it is i sit and i remind myself that;-
I am whole, perfect, strong and powerful,
Loving , Compassionate Harmonious and Happy and
I cna do, what I will to do...so help me Lord.
Yes and this has been my mantra and will always come to mind whenever the mind becomes lazy, in stupor or too lackadaisical . It is a useless effort or so it seems as the mind is much more tricky than it seems and has its own ways and means to defeat every effort to bring it under positive state of consciousness, like being creative or productive. Even my writing this thoughts down time and again is an effort towards reminding myself of this  dilemma, but it is still a reminder of who is the observer and what is being observed. 
" I am the master of my thoughts and consciousness," as the Raja Yoga stated and this too has been my reminder when dealing with my mind, however my thoughts and consciousness have their own rules and ways which often deviates from my practice of affirmation. Again the question arises, who am I? Am I the servant or the master? Am I the observer or the observed? Doubts and uncertainties clouds my power to be in the here and now, I sometimes feel like I have no will power over my own thoughts and predilections. Physically I am in constant ache and pain as my migraine headaches due to the scorching heat of the day and my muscles sore from overworking at the farm last week is not of help to the whole situation. My teeth are sore just about everyone of them but I resist from taking any painkillers as i still believe in self healing and perhaps fear the side effects of taking these pills that numbs my brain temporarily to hide the pain. So i persist on meditation and finding respite in quietude. 
On my last trip to the farm I had brought back a kitten with me for my daughter and she was delighted and called her 'Firby', I called her Furball naturally. As much as i have issues with cats i decided to make it my practice to care for this kitten as a means of cleaning up my 'cats karma.' So i fed her clean after her mess, played with her till she gave up and even attempted to give her a bath. I am learning from this kitten all over again of what it is to love an animal unconditionally just as i love my children. Perhaps the Lord is giving me yet another chance to make up for my cat abusing days and truly understand the nature of Love. Believe me it is not easy as the old negative cat experiences still pops up its head whenever the kitten makes a rash move, or pushes the wrong buttons on my nerves. I had to keep reminding myself of compassion and so forth in dealing with her something that most people seems to have no worry about, or so it seems. 
Yes, sometimes the Bodhisatva vows is thrown out of the window, all but forgotten, one just have to keep on bringing it back into the now consciousness so as life can still be as fresh and meaningful regardless of the negative vibes that threatens to drown all our senses into submission. Giving meaning to existence is the key towards becoming a human being created in the image of the Creator otherwise life is just a fleeting dream that often ends up in a nightmare.

Transforming the old into the new.

These chairs were bought from an second hand store and I was asked to repaint them.

As i happened to have a few cans of spray paint ni the trunk of my car, I simply let loose my creative mind.

These chairs now are transformed into works of Art.

By using a branch of fern leaf from the nearby bushes i allow my mind to create something in relation to the surrounding environment.

The mind is a creative force that can bring forth the time, space and materials to fulfill its intention if and when it chooses to.

The Organic farm is a space where there is more silece than noises, more beauty than chaos and as such it helps to allow for the mind to become more quiet and focused in order to create when asked to do so.

The act of creating itslf is the end process of transferring the thoughts and ideas into physical expression.

\So now somewhere in a make shift canteen at the foothills of a small village called Lintang is a collection of pieces of my creativity that is impermanent just as the middle chair once was.