Another Random Rambling....

 When I get the feeling that I am not in touch with reality as it is i sit and i remind myself that;-
I am whole, perfect, strong and powerful,
Loving , Compassionate Harmonious and Happy and
I cna do, what I will to do...so help me Lord.
Yes and this has been my mantra and will always come to mind whenever the mind becomes lazy, in stupor or too lackadaisical . It is a useless effort or so it seems as the mind is much more tricky than it seems and has its own ways and means to defeat every effort to bring it under positive state of consciousness, like being creative or productive. Even my writing this thoughts down time and again is an effort towards reminding myself of this  dilemma, but it is still a reminder of who is the observer and what is being observed. 
" I am the master of my thoughts and consciousness," as the Raja Yoga stated and this too has been my reminder when dealing with my mind, however my thoughts and consciousness have their own rules and ways which often deviates from my practice of affirmation. Again the question arises, who am I? Am I the servant or the master? Am I the observer or the observed? Doubts and uncertainties clouds my power to be in the here and now, I sometimes feel like I have no will power over my own thoughts and predilections. Physically I am in constant ache and pain as my migraine headaches due to the scorching heat of the day and my muscles sore from overworking at the farm last week is not of help to the whole situation. My teeth are sore just about everyone of them but I resist from taking any painkillers as i still believe in self healing and perhaps fear the side effects of taking these pills that numbs my brain temporarily to hide the pain. So i persist on meditation and finding respite in quietude. 
On my last trip to the farm I had brought back a kitten with me for my daughter and she was delighted and called her 'Firby', I called her Furball naturally. As much as i have issues with cats i decided to make it my practice to care for this kitten as a means of cleaning up my 'cats karma.' So i fed her clean after her mess, played with her till she gave up and even attempted to give her a bath. I am learning from this kitten all over again of what it is to love an animal unconditionally just as i love my children. Perhaps the Lord is giving me yet another chance to make up for my cat abusing days and truly understand the nature of Love. Believe me it is not easy as the old negative cat experiences still pops up its head whenever the kitten makes a rash move, or pushes the wrong buttons on my nerves. I had to keep reminding myself of compassion and so forth in dealing with her something that most people seems to have no worry about, or so it seems. 
Yes, sometimes the Bodhisatva vows is thrown out of the window, all but forgotten, one just have to keep on bringing it back into the now consciousness so as life can still be as fresh and meaningful regardless of the negative vibes that threatens to drown all our senses into submission. Giving meaning to existence is the key towards becoming a human being created in the image of the Creator otherwise life is just a fleeting dream that often ends up in a nightmare.